That’s All Your Fault
Settling back into the world of nine to five, deadlines, meetings and tense phone calls, New York, Dean’s thirtieth, were now just memories. Memories that made them smile when they were given a minute to think.
February soon came. Henry and Emily had sent everyone a scan photo to announce they’d be welcoming a baby boy in the summer. Jamie couldn’t contain his excitement and wedged the photo on their fridge to grin at goofily every morning from here on in.
Dean put Danny’s poem in a sealed zip lock and tucked him up in the safe. Much to Jamie’s relief, frantically trying to work out where he couldn’t come to harm.
Jamie couldn’t bring himself to open Danny’s poem yet. He resolved to keep it for a time he thought would be most appropriate and meaningful. He often thought of Earl in the weeks that followed.
As Dean thought, the business trip he was to accompany Hugo on inevitably arrived on February 13th and would keep him away until February 15th.
He scaled the stairs to the apartment at six in the evening earlier that week. The news heavy on his mind and heart. His first Valentine’s Day with Jamie, and he’d be in Berlin. Jamie home alone.
“Hey good looking!’” Jamie bounded over. “Let’s order in tonight. I’m feeling lazy and you look like the last thing you need is a bubbling pot of something to lean over.” Jamie kissed him and walked away, jumping onto the sofa and into a pile of pillows and blankets.
He continued to babble about his day, gossip, friends and latest celebrity scandal but he was stopped.
Dean took off his coat, let his briefcase drop to the floor and rubbed his neck, his tie all of a sudden feeling tight. “Jamie hang on. Can I speak?” He snapped. Instantly feeling guilt. Snapping at Jamie was like kicking a puppy. Jamie’s eyes went wild with worry all of a sudden. He bolted up right on the sofa.
“Sorry. I just had a busy day too. Sorry. I’ll shut up.” He looked down at his hands. Dean went to him quickly, crouched in front of him, grabbed his hands and kissed them.
“No, you didn’t do anything. Sorry work is just insane. You’ve never been properly mad at me before have you?”
“What a weird question. What the hell are you talking about?” Dean could feel Jamie’s discomfort at the question make him shake.
“Look, this trip for work. We’re meeting the head of Europe in Berlin. Hugo would prefer us do it in person rather than over a conference call. Some perverse need to assess and size up every single poor bastard who works for him. I don’t know if he’s paranoid, a psychopath or…”
“He’s definitely both. He’s ok, he just needs a good time in the sheets to make him chill out. Bedroom I mean not spreadsheets, dick head.” Jamie tapped his nose and smiled.
“Maybe you’re right. Anyway, the bit where you’ll be mad. The trip leaves on 13th, this Thursday, and comes back on the 15th? I won’t be here for Valentine’s Day. I’m so sorry.” Dean grabbed his hands again and his big blue eyes searched Jamie’s face. Jamie continued to smile.
“Dean, are you serious? You took me to Paris to tell me you love me. We made love under our Christmas tree, we’ve sat in a jazz club in New York. I literally don’t care about Valentine’s Day.” He held his hand up to Dean’s cheek. A signal to calm. “Babe, your job is important, you work hard for us. I appreciate it. So what? Your phone’s got a camera hasn’t it? Get into the twenty first century Dean, it’s not phone sex anymore, it’s videophone sex. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Don’t worry I won’t burn the house down.” Jamie giggled.
Dean had a moment of panic then laughed. “Yeah please don’t. Are you sure? It’s ok?”
“Yes. Do not work yourself up. It’s ok. That being said, you could make up for the time you won’t be here, maybe?” Jamie leaned back and pulled his shorts off and flung them in Dean’s face. Dean growled. Jamie hardly wore underwear at home. Cut out the middle man.
“Well I suppose it’s only right I make it up to you.” Dean dove forward and pushed Jamie’s legs up, kissing and kneading his cheeks.
“Don’t say anything else. You have work to do. Get on with it.” Jamie grabbed Dean’s black waves and pulled him to his cheeks. Burying his face, hot breath and tongue. Toes curled. Dean muffled and groaned in his favourite place.
“Leave your suit on.” Jamie demanded. Dean grinned as he came up for air. “Leave your suit on and fuck me. When you’re wearing it on your trip, this is what you’ll be thinking of. Getting hard and frustrated in your boring meetings. Punishment, Big Boy.” Jamie jabbed his foot into Dean’s chest. Dean grabbed it and bit his toe. Jamie was sparring with him again. He took pleasure in torturing Dean given the right moment. This was one. Dean took it gladly.
Dean’s patience was up. He thrust into Jamie. Just the once to begin with, he watched smugly as Jamie’s face morphed into a longing frown. He crept his hand up Jamie’s chest and settled his palm around his neck.
“Do it. You know you want to. I can take whatever you give to me. Do it. Press down on my throat.” Jamie was wild with hunger. His eyes like black holes Dean needed to fill.
Dean complied. He gripped. Jamie choked and gave a defiant smile. “Fuck me. Fuck me like you’ll never see me again.” Jamie goaded. Dean’s top lip disappeared above his teeth.
Dean held Jamie in place on the sofa, crashing into him. Jamie moaned and choked, wanting more. “Give me more. I fucking love you.” He slapped Dean’s face playfully. Going in for another hit, Dean grabbed his wrist, shoving it above Jamie’s head. Something animal took them over. Jamie bit into Dean’s neck, the stubble burning like acid. He gasped at the exquisite pain as they wrestled.
After their match was over, they settled on the sofa. That was their dynamic now. A bottomless greed for each other in one moment, wrapped around each other on the sofa the next.
February 13th - London City Airport
“Morning Ace!” Hugo slapped Dean on the back. It was powerful. Dean knew what his game was. Asserting dominance wherever he was.
They were waiting to board the flight to Berlin. Dean was quietly anxious. His distance from Jamie felt alien. He hadn’t left the country without him since knowing him. The tenure of their relationship gave him cause to smile though. Six months.
“Morning boss. All set for the next few days?” Dean was typing to Jamie.
“Absolutely. Show these Europeans we’re the ones in charge. Do you have all the infrastructure recommendations ready? Can’t afford to leave them to their own devices. I’ve signed off on way too much IT investment for them to fuck it up for us at this point.” When Hugo talked business, his mouth curled into a snarl. Dean had seen it before.
In recent weeks he’d grown on Dean. He took his chest beating nonsense as just that. Nonsense. Jamie wasn’t scared of him, why should he be? Maybe someone did just need to give him a good seeing too in the sheets. Dean giggled to himself again. Jamie’s verdict might well be valid.
“All done. Ready to go. Contractors on board. Build schedules done. Contingencies. And uh…” Dean was talking the talk and a video came through to his phone. He hit play by accident, volume on. Shit. “I’ll miss my Big Boy. This is what you’re leaving behind.” Jamie teased through a raspy voice. Naked, pushing his behind up into the air on their bed. Cheeks like two whips of coffee ice cream. Dean winced and giggled at the same time.
“What the fuck was that?” Hugo clasped his hand to his shoulder again, his arrestingly white teeth grinning, knowing exactly what he’d heard and glimpsed.
“Hugo, I’m in a relationship, I’m away for Valentine’s Day. Also, that wasn’t really meant for anyone else’s eyes or ears.” Dean blushed and decided his phone needed to stay in his pocket not before one last message before the flight.
DEAN: Can’t believe I have to leave that behind. My favourite place. Love you. Can’t wait to get back and fill you up. You flashed the fucking airport. X
Jamie replied with the ghost emoji. One of his now favourite responses. Jamie absolutely lacked the inhibitions Dean did. It excited and terrified Dean in equal measure.
JAMIE: I like to share the love. Safe flight Big Boy. Love you too. X
Dean was developing something resembling a friendship with Hugo. He was still an arsehole but maybe it was just irritating bravado and nothing more.
“Don’t mind me. I appreciate a good ass when I see one.” Hugo pushed ahead in the queue. It seemed a prerequisite. Hugo was present. So he went first. Dean grinned and frowned to himself. He remembered Jamie’s quip at the party. You know those two are fucking, right?
He reminded himself he hadn’t quite established what the persuasion of this wealthy narcissist was. It hadn’t crossed his mind in any real way, he didn’t really care but it was something to think about in the check in queue.
Notting Hill
Jamie paced the apartment. This was new. He felt like the place was huge all of a sudden. Dean was a statue in a museum when he was here. Tall, strong. Something to tip your head up to and stare at. There was too much space now.
JAMIE: Dean is away with work. Anyone want to come round? Nothing crazy. I can’t do that to him, but hit me up for a bottle of wine or ten and a catch up.
LARS: I’m in! I’ll tube it over after my last client meeting. This one needs to understand he’ll be staying jail. I don’t have a magic wand for these delinquent fuckers.
JAMIE: Amazing! We can bitch about criminals, celebrities, wind Dean up. It’ll be a dream. X
7 PM
“Hey baby. Are you settled into your hotel?” Jamie lay back on the sofa, upside down, head dangling to the floor. Why not?
“Yeah I’m here. That video, everyone heard it and Hugo caught a couple of seconds.” Dean was serious. He didn’t like the idea of anyone seeing anything of Trouble. He was his. End of discussion.
“Oh shit. So sorry. That was just meant for you.” Jamie giggled. He missed him already. His calm, eloquent voice, such a force of reason, felt so far away.
“I know. Just my luck I perv on your pussy just as my boss taps my fucking shoulder. You did what you intended. Hiding a semi in a queue is pretty difficult.” Dean laughed.
“Big Boy. I miss you.” Jamie started to run his hand along his thigh.
“Me too. Look I gotta go. We’re out for dinner and drinks. What are you doing tonight apart from missing me?”
“Shame babe. You could have had more. Maybe I will send you something later. Lars is coming over.”
“Yeah, do that. It’s an order Arden. Don’t burn our fucking house down and keep him away from my underwear draw.” Dean teased. He loved Lars really. A friendship based on an almost brotherly affection.
“Not burning the house down I can do. Lars and your hot black briefs, fuck I’ll join him. I can’t lie.” Jamie laughed. Shifting to the sofa to sit, starting to see spots.
They laughed and hung up. He felt something like satisfied. Their relationship was maturing. Jamie prided himself in how they navigated their new life together so far. He wasn’t a snob by any means but he thanked his lucky stars he didn’t have the childish bickering in his relationship with Dean that colleagues seemed to endure daily. He sighed to himself, wishing Dean had a little more time on camera. Later.
“Hey bitch!” Lars came crashing through the door to Jamie’s open arms. A career minded lawyer by day and a savage party queen by night. Defence or prosecution, you’d lose to Lars Walker if you were on opposing sides. Give up, save yourself the fees. No point.
“Hey sweetie. Come in. What’s my favourite legal queen’s day been like?” Jamie smiled at his best friend. Lars was still a boy. Like puberty hadn’t quite caught the hang of him yet. Even though he was twenty five, he looked much younger. He was the baby of the group, always ID’d. It was now a common occurrence for them to frantically ask on nights out, “can someone check on fucking Lars?!” He idolised Dean and Dean adored him. It was an unlikely friendship. Jamie loved watching it unfold in front of him. Lars was an only child, Dean had two brothers. That was it. It was a little and big brother dynamic. It was teeth achingly sweet. Apart from the constant dirty humour exchanged between them.
Lars ran and jumped on the sofa. His tiny frame bouncing about like a rag doll. Thick spiky brown hair, huge hazel eyes and a wonderful olive complexion, a rubbish attempt at a beard always stalling on his face. Many a drunken night Dean had let Lars rub his stubble in wonder. Hoping perhaps his masculine whiskers would rub off on him one day.
Jamie’s six foot elegant frame slinked over next to him.
“Actually pretty well. Putting the right people behind bars and the getting innocent people justice and a fuck load in damages.” He spread his hands in self appreciation.
“Well done baby. I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so amazing. One thing? Get your shoes off the sofa. Fuck, you’re like a child.” Jamie smacked his behind and they both giggled.
“God it’s good to see you. I haven’t had us time in ages. I’ve missed this.” He lunged for a hug. Jamie embraced him, laughing into his shoulder. Dean thought Jamie was a handful, he should let this little one move in for a while. Then they’d talk handfuls.
“Oh I know. Everything gets too big sometimes. We’re all painting the pictures of our lives, stand back and we’re shocked how intricate it’s become. Like how the fuck did it get this, complicated and beautiful?”
“Yeah. You’re definitely the words one out of all of us. How do you come out with stuff like that Jai?” Lars smiled at his best friend. Jamie missed his nickname in his group. Jai. Only in the way he missed his childhood. Fond memories but it wasn’t him anymore. JJ, Wild Boy, Jaim. Or his absolute favourite. Trouble. He had to catch his breath thinking about Dean not being there with him for a moment. If he was, he’d be teasing Lars and making them something ridiculously good for dinner. Get the fuck home soon Big Boy. London is all wrong without you. I’m lost at sea. He thought in a split second day dream.
“I’m all about the words. I love them as much as I love Dean Archer. God he’s fantastic. Hey, are you seeing anyone now? Any dirty man I need to set Dean on to scare them? Or maybe I could? Look. I’ve been putting some work in at the gym myself. Dean’s impressed.” Jamie flexed his arm, Lars practically dangled from it like a baby kuala.
“Jesus Christ are you serious? Jai you’re like a brother to me but I understand why Dean walks around with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. To answer your question? No. I’m great in the court room, maybe I’m a bastard there to compensate. I don’t know. I have a brilliant career, great family and friends, but the one thing you don’t have makes you question your worth, doesn’t it? How can I stand a chance when there’s Dean Archers and Jamie Ardens to compete with.” He sighed.
Jamie ran a hand over Lars’ forehead. “My beautiful little one. I stopped questioning my worth six months ago, well I began to stop it. You know all about me, Dean’s just as fucked up too. You know that. What’s on the outside it just that. The outside. Of course I appreciate every part of him but his heart. Wow.” Jamie stopped himself, that tightening in the centre of his face, the warm liquidity in the corners of his eyes.
“Oh you have it bad for him. Wow Jai. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“No silly. I just haven’t been away from him like this before. It’s weird. But yes, his heart. The most beautiful part of him. Amongst other things.” He wiggled his eyebrows and pounced on Lars.
“Get off you dirty bastard! Ok I get it.”
They settled giggling. “But seriously you both look like Greek gods and there’s me, the short thing in the corner of your beautiful painting.”
“Lars, stop it. Stop comparing yourself to me. I’m a fucking head-case. You’re not in the corner, you’re front and centre next to me. Stars will align Little One. One day, you’ll find your Dean, I promise. Maybe he’s closer than you think. Maybe you’ve already met him, maybe you’ve not. Maybe, just maybe he’s not yet divorced his wife!” They fell back against the sofa laughing. “Fuck we need wine. Back in a tick.”
They drank and chatted for hours until Lars, as if hell froze over, called it a night. They said good byes and promised to get coffee in the week.
“Hello? Hi? Hello? Jamie?” Dean was back in his hotel room.
“Oh there’s that voice. Hi.” Jamie wrapped himself up in their duvet. He slept on Dean’s side in Big Boy’s t shirt and shorts. He couldn’t be there with him so he’d wear him instead.
“Oh hi. Are you ok? Christ I miss you and it’s only been a few hours.”
“Me too babe. Hey listen. I love you very much. Lars kept talking about how he’ll never find someone and it just made me think about you, how I’m lucky.”
“He’ll find what we have I’m sure of it. Little One will find the right guy eventually. And if he meets the wrong guy, I’ll take the cunt out with my bare hands. No one crosses my Lars.” Dean meant every word.
Jamie held the phone to his chest and giggled. God this man is absolutely magnificent. “Defending my friends is one the fucking sexiest things you can do. Dean babe, I miss you. Are you in bed now?” Jamie started to breath heavily, running his hand down his chest, stomach and grabbing himself. “Mmmm.”
“Show me.” Dean ordered.
Jamie switched his call to video. Dean bit his lip and grabbed himself too. Jamie’s frustrated manhood filling his screen. He scrambled with himself. Not being there made the situation more desperate. He focused on Jamie’s head. Pink, glazed and round. His shaft- long and thick. Dean won the size war, marginally, but Jamie was still a force to fuck with.
“Show me your face baby. I’m close.” Jamie whispered. Dean looked into the phone, hoping hopelessly it would let him jump head first into London.
“Cum for me.” Dean ordered again. Each diktat from Dean pushed Jamie closer.
“Eat it for me. I want to see.” Dean was frantic with himself. He wanted him there with him. In that bed. In Berlin.
“Dirty bastard.” Jamie grinned as he scooped up his sex and dangled it into his mouth with a defiant swallow. “Shoot your fucking load Big Boy.”
“Fuck yes. Shit.” Dean exhaled hard, his head involuntarily flipping back, his eyes rolling. Cum landing all over his chest. Jamie knew better than to ask him to reciprocate. Jamie was a little more risqué than Dean. Dynamics they were comfortable not to challenge. Yet.
“Night Trouble. Fuck.” Dean babbled in a tired, spent mess as they reluctantly finished the call. Sighs heard from Notting Hill to Berlin.
February 14th
“I’m a shit boss keeping you away from the other half.” Hugo declared. Not particularly genuinely.
“Better. Better half.” Dean didn’t feel inclined to assure Hugo he wasn’t a shit boss for the timing. But he absolutely saw Jamie as his better half, that detail needed to be corrected.
Back in London.
“Hello, uh delivery for a Jamie Arden?” A voice came over the intercom in the apartment.
Jamie grinned goofily. His temples hurt. “Great thank you. I’ll come down now.”
Jamie got the box back into the apartment before heading to work. He sat back and gasped. Giggling. He ripped open the box excitedly.
Six huge metallic red heart shaped balloons erupted from the box. Weighed down by an almost life sized teddy bear. He crashed back against the sofa laughing. A card was tied to the balloons.
‘A balloon for each month of us.
I can’t be there so here’s a teddy bear while yours is away working hard.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
I love you, Trouble.
Big Boy.’
JAMIE: Oh Big Boy. You’re the cutest. 24 hours baby. Happy Valentine’s Day Archer. X
“You got them then?” Dean said proudly. He stole a moment to ring Jamie from the offices in Treptow-Köpenick. “Happy Valentine’s Day. Sorry again.” Part of him enjoyed the distance. It felt like they were first dating again. Grabbing random chances to speak. Routine was good but uncertainty had its comforts too.
“I did indeed. You’re so gorgeous. Inside and out. I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day. I didn’t get you anything. I’m such an arsehole.” Jamie giggled at the fact he knew he’d hidden a card in his suitcase.
“I’m the one that’s away. Don’t worry about it. As long as you’re happy, I’m good.” Jamie could tell Dean was smiling as he spoke. He gripped his phone, as if it would somehow stand in for the hug he wanted so desperately to give him.
“I’m always happy these days. That’s all your fault Archer. Have a good day. Give them hell and ring me later for another bedtime story.”
“Don’t wind me up.”
Dean clocked it and giggled. He found it intriguing Hugo was on a strained phone call on Valentine’s Day. He snapped his phone away from his ear and Dean saw the name. Gordon. “Uh just UK business.” Hugo walked into the conference room. Dean laughed. He made a mental note to tentatively explore this later with him.
Following the day of meetings Dean finally got back to his room to freshen up for his evening, a little anxious as to what Hugo might have in store but agreed nonetheless. He lived with a loose cannon, he wasn’t keen on working for one too.
Unpacking his shirt for the evening a bright red card peeked from the inner pocket of his suitcase. He smiled at it and jumped on the bed to read.
‘To my Big Boy,
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Our first of many to come. I hope with everything that I am.
I know you’re not with me today and of course I’m a little sad but your work is important. That’s the thing about us. We don’t clip each other’s wings, we help spread them and let each other soar and soar through this life.
London feels wrong without you. You’re my landmark, my castle, my home, my love and my safety.
Don’t stay away too long,
If you were here with me now, I’d say what I said back in July last year when you hunted me down:
“Kiss me Big Boy”
Keep kissing me. Every day.
Love you to Paris and back.
Trouble.’
DEAN: Thank you for my card Trouble.I love you. Can’t wait to see you. X
JAMIE: Love you more. X
DEAN: Doubt it.
JAMIE: Ok, maybe you love me more then.
DEAN: Fuck off Arden.
JAMIE: Never.
Dean laughed to himself and headed out. Wrapped up in the strength of his relationship. He was almost smug and didn’t care.
Coda - Berlin
Only the best restaurant in the city for Hugo. Plutus would be picking up the bill so why not be a little decadent.
“Great work today Ace. Really setting the standard for how we need these guys to operate. I think our choice in taking you forward in the IT area is paying off. Still early doors but you’re making all the right decisions. It’s impressive. Can you keep on impressing? I’m demanding and won’t apologise for it.” Hugo swilled his whiskey, another snarl.
“I appreciate that Hugo. I think there was a complement in there somewhere?” Dean swirled his glass and grinned at his boss. I’ll give as good as I get Hugo. You need me in this.
“I think your rockstar partner’s attitude is wearing off on you. Good to see. Dean, I’m not a scary, horrible guy. I’m ambitious, I like money, I like making it, growing it, moving it. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a soul.” Hugo’s mood changed. Was he finally ready to be a little exposed? Mask loosening?
Dean felt a little guilty. He was the same. Ambitious, dedicated to his fitness, work and routine. What made him so different to Hugo? What was it that made him any more palatable? He lost himself in his thought and then blurted before he could stop himself, “can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“What’s your deal? Men, women? I know you’re not after Jamie. Well you might be, but you’ll lose. Might as well come out and say it. But you’ve been quite taken with him. Just curious.” Dean exhaled sharply. Did I just say that to my boss?
“Why is it important? Why do you need to know? I refer to my previous comment. Why is it so hard to actually take my word for the fact I’m not a soulless arsehole who in your mind, is going to charm your partner away from you?” Dean went to speak. “No I’m speaking. Listen here. I am being completely and utterly transparent with you. I’m a successful businessman, I expect the best. I will never apologise for that. Secondly, I’ve dealt with sycophants all my life, ever thought maybe it’s lonely being me? Everyone assumes I’m the arsehole because I dare to be driven, aren’t there people using me for their gain? Jamie was a breath of fresh air. He wanted nothing from me but to cut through my thick crust. Dean, you have a wonderful man. Money can’t buy that. Now chill the fuck out.” Hugo slapped his shoulder again. This time, Dean didn’t feel like he was being pushed down, he felt like he was being lifted. The change was strangely nice.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just assumed. I….”
“No. You’re in a relationship you cherish, you’re right to protect it. Dean, you’re great together.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. Can I ask, oh fuck.” He stopped. Deciding if he should cross this line. Too late. “Is there anything between you and Gordon? Since we’re being transparent.” Not as tentative as he’d planned but it was out there now, he braced for how Hugo would play this ball back to him.
Hugo ran a finger over his lips and leant forward, turning his glass. His signet ring clinking against it. “I trust you. In all honesty? It’s messy. I think I use him. He wants more. I don’t want to give it. I’m happy - no strings. Dean like I said, I’m not soulless but I’m possibly the most selfish prick you’ll ever meet.” He giggled.
It was an answer, not conclusive but he accepted maybe that was Hugo’s approach. Cards close to his chest. Even in his personal life, he was all about strategy, on his terms. Dean smiled, he felt sorry for him. Chasing power in everything, but not really getting to grips with who he was or what he really wanted. He looked at his phone and saw a text from Trouble. Jamie, the busy brained chaotic creature no doubt turning his apartment upside down right now. Dean wouldn’t have bothered giving a second thought to working Hugo out before, Jamie had changed him. Made him really look at the people around him and completely rip preconceptions apart. He wanted to go home.
“Is that what you call him? Trouble?” Hugo pointed at the phone.
“Oh yeah. Trouble. Hugo, you have no fucking idea.” They both laughed loudly.
After dinner Hugo suggested they visit a bar. He was clearly in a celebratory mood. He’d done what he’d set out to achieve in Berlin, time to enjoy himself.
“You’re in a committed relationship. I’m not. Humour me and visit this bar with me. Dean you’ll probably role your eyes but I promise you won’t be put in any compromising situations. Just be my wing man.” Hugo gripped Dean’s shoulder. Dean smiled, but he was doing just that, humouring Hugo. He didn’t want anything to do with a bar dripping in half naked men.
“Why do I feel like I’m going to feel totally awkward in this place?”
“You will. It’ll be fucking hilarious.”
They entered the bar, beautiful male specimens in nothing but leather thongs danced seductively on small tables like exhibits, while lecherous, lonely rotund pigs shoved euro notes in their waistbands. Dean looked down the entire time. It’s was dark in there, his cheeks were flushed. Hugo on the other hand, was in his element. A crazy snarl over his face, like he didn’t quite know what to do with himself, surrounded by so many bodies.
They found a sofa. Drinks were delivered. Hugo sat back, legs out splayed as a dark haired boy with a gorgeous, angular European face began climbing about him seductively.
A blonde approached Dean. He forgot where he was for a moment. The blonde leaned in, squeezing Dean’s thighs and stopping just in front of his face. Dean didn’t see him though. He just saw his own favourite dancer. Jamie. The vision gave him clarity. “Hugo I gotta go. This is completely inappropriate for me. I’ll catch you in the morning.” He was up and made to leave.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m in very safe hands.” Hugo laughed greedily. The blonde joined Hugo’s party too. Dean turned back, all he saw was two sets of cheeks, wrapped in leather and Hugo’s head grinning above.
As Dean left a dancer jumped down and grabbed his crotch. “I can take us to private room for fun, no?” The beautiful boy rubbed Dean through his suit.
“Not gonna happen. I have a partner at home. I’m leaving. If you could remove your hand.” Dean asked without making eye contact.
The boy’s persona evaporated immediately. “Ah England. You have partner? That is very nice. I am sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologise. You weren’t to know.” Dean looked up. He was sweet. Short brown hair. An olive complexion. Brown eyes like an innocent animal. He was muscled but still a boy, desperately trying to be a man. Dean felt sad.
“If I cannot dance for you. Can I talk? It gets lonely here.” The boy gestured to an empty stool at the bar.
Dean melted. Jamie would have sat and talked, so he did. “Ok. At the bar though. Nothing more.” Dean smiled.
“Thank you. On the house as you say?” The boy announced proudly.
“Too kind.” Dean slipped into his stool. Drinks arrived.
They sat. The boy didn’t know what to say it seemed now he had Dean at the bar. “So what’s your name? Is this your full time job?” Dean filled the silence.
“Rio, my name here but out there? In real world? Peter. No I do this to help with my university fees. I want to get to London and be a marketing person.”
Dean laughed. “Good to meet you Peter. I’m Dean.”
“Hello Mr Dean. Why you laugh please? I am funny?” Peter asked a little hurt prickling his face.
“No Peter. It’s just that my partner is in marketing. He’s very brilliant.” An opportunity to bring Jamie up and Dean’s cheeks were pulled taught into a smile.
“That is good. What is the name of your partner?”
“Jamie. But I call him Trouble. Like you call yourself Rio sometimes.”
Peter looked confused then nodded with understanding and laughed. “I understand. He is a funny boy who keeps you on toes is that right, the saying you have?”
“Got it in one Peter.”
“May I see a photograph of your love?”
“How did you know I love him?”
“We may not speak the same language but I know love when I see it. Your eyes change. It’s very beautiful. You are lucky Mr Dean.”
“Well thank you. Yes I love him very much. Of course let me get one up for you.”
“Oh. He is pretty. Like Disney Prince. I can see uh the mischief in his eyes. I see the Trouble.” Peter giggled and handed the phone back.
“He’s my boy. Definitely my Disney Prince. He’s mad as hell but I wouldn’t change him. One of a kind.” Dean smiled at his phone and whispered to himself. Trouble. “Peter, I need to go. I’m going to give you a business card for me and my partner. Jamie would love to hear more from you, he can perhaps help with work in the city.” Dean produced two cards and handed them over.
“That’s very kind Mr Dean. Thank you.” Peter studied the cards. “Your names go together. Arden-Archer. That sounds very nice.”
“Well we can’t go any further than we are but I hope one day.” Dean had a pang of sadness that marriage wasn’t even a concept he could think about right now. He wasn’t ready to discuss it, but he’d like it on the horizon. Like a junction he may want to turn onto later. “I gotta go. Peter, lovely to meet you. Take care of yourself.”
“Thank you. I will look after these cards.”
They hugged lightly and Dean left.
It was 11:30 PM when he got to his room.
DEAN: Ring me if you are up baby.
TROUBLE - Video Call
“Good evening!” Jamie’s voice jumped out of the phone. Dean smiled and was instantly hard as he fell back on the bed. He couldn’t wait to get home.
“What the fuck are you doing? Why am I looking at the kitchen?”
“I’m just taking you on a tour of the apartment to show you it’s still in one piece. Be honest, you were terrified of whether it would be. Tell me I’m wrong.” Jamie could be heard giggling as he gave Dean a tour of his own home.
“Jamie, get into bed.”
“Oh. Ok. Im going now.” Dean followed the screen, the bed came into view and the screen crashed into the duvet before Jamie’s face appeared.
“Oh thank fuck. There you are. Fuck you’re hot.”
“Are you ok? We have met before, you sound like you don’t know who I am.” Jamie laughed.
“Shut up. I miss you. Hugo took me to a strip club tonight. I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. You may get an email from a Peter. A dancer who asked me to talk, just talk, and he wanted to see your face. He wants to be in your line of work eventually. He thinks you look like a Disney Prince. I’m inclined to agree.” Dean started rubbing his crotch mindlessly.
“Hugo, naughty boy. I trust you completely babe. It’s fine. You know me, I’ll make friends anywhere. What time are you coming home to me tomorrow please.”
“Early flight, mid morning? I can’t wait to see you. Jamie, show me your body, what I’m missing. Please?” Dean had wrestled his cock free.
Jamie didn’t say a word. He set the phone against his table lamp so Dean had a full view. He stripped in seconds. He began running his hands all over his chest, stomach and pulled on his shaft for Big Boy, eyes burning into his phone. He hoped Dean felt them on him.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Have you got your cock in your hand for me babe?” Jamie demanded to know, turning, bent forward on the bed, running a hand over his cheeks.
“Spread them. I want to see my favourite place. Wider.” Dean ordered.
Jamie sighed and ran his index finger over his opening. Dean pulled even harder on himself. Biting his bottom lip to the point where he could almost taste blood.
“Fuck yourself.”
Jamie bit his hand on the bed as he dropped his finger inside of himself.
“Faster babe. Like I do. You know you can take it. I’m proud I can make you cum just by being in you.”
“Oh fuck Dean babe, tell me when to stop. I won’t stop until you tell me. Tell me when.”
“Harder. Faster.”
“Shit.”
“Keep going.”
“DEAN!”
“More.”
“Fuck you’re making me cum.”
“Fuck babe, I’m gonna shoot.” Dean growled and gasped.
Jamie collapsed on the floor in a heap. His behind throbbing, sweat bubbling on his chest and face. His arm cramping. His climax all over the floor. He sat in it. These private moments between them, appearances and decorum just didn’t matter.
“Wow. That was almost as much fun as if you were here.” Jamie grabbed his phone and peered at Dean. Breathing heavy, mouth agape, his climax on his chest. Dean in an open shirt was an image Jamie had to capture. He sneakily screenshotted the scene. He stroked his phone. “I love you. God you’re handsome. Babe, want me to eat myself again for you?” Jamie teased.
“Do it.” Dean managed still catching his breath.
Jamie lowered his legs, scooped up his mess from the floor and dropped it into his mouth. He smiled back at Dean. The smile - wicked, sexy. Trouble.
“How’d I get so lucky. We’ll be back together tomorrow so get some sleep.”
“I’ll always have enough energy for you. Have a safe flight and come back to me in one piece please. I love you.”
“Jamie?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re happy with me aren’t you?”
“Dean I just voluntarily fucked myself on camera for you. What do you think? I wouldn’t do that for just anyone. My ass is on fire. But sex aside, yes of course I am. Why do you ask? What’s making you ask? You said it before. I want to make you feel secure. Is there something I’m not doing?” Jamie held the phone tightly. Please just come home.
“It’s just my panic stuff. You might just have to be patient if I ask. I’m so sorry. I’m not as strong as you think I am.” Dean’s face was tired. Jamie wanted to just hold that beautiful head against his chest and let Dean snore happily. He knew Dean was most happy when he was leaning against his chest completely asleep. His brain was busy at times too.
“Hey. You signed up to take me on. I’m the same with you. That’s what this is about. We push each other. We’re a team. Arden-Archer, remember? Now stop overthinking and go to bed please. I love you.”
“Yeah. I know. Thank you for just being fucking perfect. You’re right I need sleep. Love you Trouble.”
They hung up. Jamie leant his head back against the bed. Dean’s question played on his mind. That word, patience. He made a promise to himself. When Dean showed even the slightest insecurity, it wasn’t a chance to shut him down but, to encourage him to open up and explore what he means. He was a mountain of muscle but in there was a delicate soul. He needed to protect him from himself.
The thought of having to look after Big Boy just as much as he looked after him made him warm inside. It wasn’t a nuisance or a flaw, it was an intrinsic part of him. Like his DNA. Jamie accepted the prospect with all his heart. He finally got up and his foot slipped in something warm and slippery.
“Fuck. That is so gross.” He limped into the bathroom to clean up his crime scene.
February 15th.
It was Saturday. Jamie sprang out of bed. Dean would be home soon. The thought made him bound about the apartment like a child full of sweets.
He made coffee, read and gossiped with friends on FaceTime. He called Emily, his new found best friend and they talked about how she was feeling.
“Oh Em, I’m so excited for you, well selfishly for me too. I can’t wait to meet him. Uncle JJ is very impatient.”
Thoughts of new additions to his extended family, and Dean’s imminent arrival made him giddy with happiness. There was only one way Jamie could manage these feelings.
Dance.
Although Dean was not far away, he felt the need to get close immediately. He darted to the bedroom and ran his hand through Dean’s shirts in the dressing area. A wide smile broke out across his face. He lifted the cuff of one of his favourite shirts on him, a plain white long sleeve Ralph Lauren.
He ran the sleeve over his cheek and kissed the cuff. He could still smell Dean’s Tom Ford Oud Wood fragrance on the collar as he ran the thick fabric under his nose. He took the shirt and took off his t shirt. He pulled the shirt on. It drowned him. He grinned and hugged himself. Wrapped up in Dean.
His need to dance was making his legs twitch. He shoved his earphones in and snapped his phone in the band of his briefs. He hit play.
The opening beat to Walking On Sunshine took over his limbs. He slid into the hall way and sprang into a chaotic and careless dance. The lyrics made him laugh. And I just can't wait 'til the day when you knock on my door.
He spun and spun with his arms out wide. The music carrying him across the room. He jumped on the sofa and danced some more. Eyes closed. Arms out wide. Legs kicking.
Dean opened the door and was taken aback by how quiet the apartment was, then he heard it. Shuffling and creaking of furniture. He giggled, he knew how that sound usually occurred. No he hasn’t got another man here. I trust him. The confidence in the thought felt good.
He walked slowly to the living room door and stopped. There he was. Trouble. In his Ralph Lauren shirt. Lost in music. All wild limbs and flapping cotton. It was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Jamie. Chaos. Free. Dean clapped a hand to his mouth and laughed before moving forward.
Jamie clocked him immediately. He jumped from the sofa across the room, landing in Dean’s arms.
“Hello Big Boy. Kiss Me.”
He did.
