It’s All That’s Left
Since Jamie walked in on the most vulnerable he’d ever seen Dean, they seemed tighter, more honest. Not that there was necessarily a lie before that point. Their relationship was just becoming warmer, they were simply shedding layers they no longer needed.
Jamie had admitted to himself in the weeks since the attack, that he felt a sense of newly bestowed power. The sight of Dean in that way transferred some of the power Dean retained, to him. The love he felt for Big Boy made abusing it an utterly absurd thought. He would weaponise it. But weaponise it for the absolute good of his relationship. He remembered Harry’s conversation. He needs protecting too. Take charge. Take the pressure off of him.
Dean had noticed a change in Jamie too. In those weeks that followed, a new confidence, a new strength in his stride, a sureness in his decisions, less need for approval. Dean didn’t feel unsettled. He was watching Jamie grow. Wild boy was becoming a man. He was sure his mind was playing tricks on him but could swear Jamie was getting bigger. He was running longer and lifting weights, heavier than before. His chest tighter in his shirts, the veins in his arms more pronounced as he moved majestically around their home. Shamelessly, Dean stole glances at Jamie’s behind, more round and firm than before. Delicate to strong. Something to slap and grab rather than the gentle palm that came across it before.
“What? What are you staring at Archer?” Jamie snapped his head to Dean. His eyes narrowing. Catching Dean out in his latest peep.
Dean lay on the sofa as Jamie mindlessly fiddled with candles and books. November was coming to a close, the commitment to calm in the home was Jamie’s top priority. Dean had never experienced so many smells in his apartment before. Oud, Vetiver, Musk and Sandalwood snaked up his nostrils. He giggled, Jamie filled the place with his taste. He loved it. Rich, vibrant, exotic, Dean let him colour his world.
“I’m just admiring you. Babe, you’re bigger.” Dean reached and tapped Jamie’s back. Even that was more pronounced.
“Hey? That’s not nice. Winter food is my weakness. God Dean way to make me feel good.” Jamie slumped to a crouch next to him, his big eyelashes drooping.
“No silly. I don’t mean like that you fucking idiot. No, you’re like bigger. It’s so hot. Look at your muscles?” Dean grabbed his neck and pulled him to him. “Even your neck is thicker. Just when I thought you couldn’t turn me on any more than you already do. Which is every waking second.” He nuzzled Jamie’s neck. Jamie sighed.
“I see. Well, I need to get stronger to handle you don’t I? You may be Big Boy but I need to make sure I can keep you under control.” Jamie wiggled his eyebrows.
Dean let his mouth fall to Jamie’s ear. “Babe, will you?” His breath became heavy, hoping Jamie would take it as the words he was nervous to say.
Jamie dragged his nose over Dean’s. He was definitely evolving. Like a predator sniffing around his fallen prey. “Dean, are you ready for me to…?”
Dean pulled Jamie to his chest, pushing his lips onto his ear. “Will you fuck me Arden?” A kiss followed. It crackled against Jamie’s ear. He didn’t know if the kiss or the demand was more awakening. His eyes went wide with hunger. A pressure, Dean was an incredible dynamic in their bedroom hierarchy. Could he match him? Should he match him? Or should he take complete control and mould Dean to what he wanted now it was on his terms? Without being selfish, but enough that Dean would want to please him too. Those were the roles that were enacted in these moments.
“Of course.” Jamie slid to the floor and stroked Dean’s hair. He felt almost a little emotional. They had changed. Dean was giving up a part of him that Jamie silently had resided himself to being completely off limits. Like being an astronaut. Could be an incredible experience but not likely to happen. He had a thought that maybe Dean was waiting for him. He was the chosen person to scratch this itch. Jamie swallowed and asked. Through slight giggles and shy smiles. It was like their first times all over again.
“Dean? Have you done this before babe? I’m just being practical. I’m not small am I? If you haven’t, we need to go slow. Not calling myself a complete hussy but you know what I mean. I’m broken in sort of speak.” Jamie buried his head on the ball of Dean’s bicep. Dean’s hands wondered over his back. His smile was wide and almost lazy. He was where he wanted and needed to be.
“No. Didn’t feel like it was a right fit for me. Well, until now. Like really recently. Jamie I want you to make love to me. Please? You’re so handsome and perfect to me. It’s all that’s left. I feel like we’re complete if you will. I trust you. It’s already special because it’s you.”
Dean’s words made Jamie focus. This was way more than flirtatious, gratuitous talk. This was a delicate and important turning point for them. He couldn’t deny Dean this, it was his responsibility to carry Dean through an experience he’d long and almost tried to forget. For a moment he was a little jealous. Dean’s would be perfect, because he would make it perfect for him. Jamie’s own first was a mad scramble of nails and breaths laced with cheap uni bar booze with a closeted football arsehole who he never saw again. Jamie inhaled a laugh at the memory.
“I won’t let you down. I love you.” Jamie took Dean in for a moment. His big boy was vulnerable again. It made Jamie love him deeper and all over again.
He was tender to begin with, lying on top and kissing Dean’s lips, the appetite grew and the kisses began to burn, Dean’s stubble making Jamie’s eyes squint tighter. Dean reached and pushed Jamie’s trousers down, hands clapped to cheeks and they writhed together. Gasps muted by their increasingly desperate kisses. Jamie fell back toward Dean’s mound, pulling his shorts off sharply. Jamie’s firmness shocked him, eyebrows furrowed and a bottom lip bitten.
Jamie pushed Dean’s tree trunks of legs back and buried his face in the warmness between his cheeks and briefs. Dean was dappled with hair. Jamie loved the sensation against his cheek and lip. A consuming tease. An unfamiliar space but worth the wait. Jamie hadn’t attended to this part of Dean in the past in any real way, this was Big Boy territory. Until now.
Dean needed that angel face in his cheeks now. Pulling his briefs back he pulled Jamie’s head in firmly. Jamie’s tongue danced.
“Holly shit. Yes.” Dean gasped, eyes rolling. “Please, I want you babe.” It was a request, it was over to Jamie to initiate proceedings.
He rose, eyes on his big boy. Dean’s eyes darted slightly as he teased his opening following Jamie’s tongue’s mastery.
“Look at me. Tell me if I’m too much.” Jamie pushed his newly swelling muscled thighs forward, his cheeks clenched as he pushed into Dean. Dean gripped the sofa waiting for the discomfort to subside.
“Yes.” The tightness around Jamie made him squirm. He went forward and kissed Dean. I got you.
“You can.” Dean didn’t finish, Jamie knew. He rocked gently, Dean loosened and allowed him in. “Show me more babe. Show me.” Jamie grabbed Dean’s arm above him and pushed harder. Soon they were in sync, Dean letting Jamie take control of the moment. Jamie’s appetite took over and his thrusts became deeper and longer, their flesh crashing.
“Dean!” Jamie arched back as he came. Dean ran a hand over Jamie’s broadening chest. For the first time in months, he felt small in comparison. Jamie was all man. He clenched, capturing all of Jamie that would be left in him.
Dean followed, pooling over his stomach.
Jamie crashed down and they listened to each other’s breath for minutes and minutes.
Dean spoke first. “Babe, that was epic. Thank you. I’ll remember that forever. I’ll be demanding that around here from now on. Mark my words.” He stroked Jamie’s arm.
Jamie raised up to his forearms. Hugging Dean’s stomach tightly. “Anything for you babe.” He locked eyes and bit Dean’s nipple with a laugh. “Was I ok?”
“Naughty boy. You were perfect. You are perfect.” Dean ran a finger over Jamie’s hairline. It was finished but the teasing never stopped between them.
“What’s for dinner Big Boy? I’ve done my hard work. Now it’s over to you.” Jamie got up. A sheen of sweat and sex made him glisten in the low light. Those stronger strides, driven by bigger legs, walked him to the bathroom. Dean bit his thumb and giggled. Smitten.
“Oh I have some news. Ma and Pa want to visit this weekend. Are you free on Saturday?” Dean broke the comfortable silence while they ate another beautiful meal of his. Salmon linguine. Jamie rolled his eyes at Dean making fresh pasta in the kitchen earlier. Maybe pasta making was a pressure he’d allow Dean to put himself under.
“Of course. No plans this weekend. My crew go into hibernation before Christmas. What’s the plan?” Jamie stretched. “This is a triumph Archer. Well done. Yet again. You’re too good to my stomach.” He clasped a hand on Dean’s.
“No problem. I love making us food. Nothing complicated. They said to come here. I think they’re staying in town. They have a house over in Holland Park, not far from here. Much to Ma’s protest, she hates city air. She wants to run by me the details of my birthday. So it’s good you’re here.” Dean carried on twirling pasta round his fork.
Jamie looked at him. He got up with a start and Dean shot his head up. Jamie went to him and sat in his lap. He hugged him tightly. “Look at us. Parents, friends, homemade pasta. Thank you for our life Archer.” He got up and sat back down. Old Jamie was still there, keeping himself known.
“Well you make me want to be a better person. In everything. You make me feel like I can do anything.”
“But! Remember, I will not have you under silly pressure here. This is a calm zone. Remember that.” He slapped Dean’s hand playfully. “But yeah excellent, shall we order some lovely cakes in? I like the idea of Audrey, Mark and pastries.”
“I know I know. I’m learning. Yeah that sounds great. I’ll leave that with you.” Dean smiled. Jamie’s openness to his parents being in their home was comforting.
Arden & The Archers
Jamie unboxed the pastries from Maison Puget. He couldn’t resist as Dean walked past, swiping cream across his nose. “Oh you’re going to pay for that later.” Dean sucked Jamie’s finger clean of cream. Jamie laughed and kissed the cream off his nose.
“Sorry. Couldn’t help it. Don’t they look good? Babe, I’m a little nervous. Do I look ok for them?” Jamie wore a grey cashmere sweater and black chinos. He wanted to look the business for Big Boy’s big deal parents.
Dean pulled him tight. “Don’t ask stupid questions.” He slapped Jamie’s behind. “You’re going to be adorable I know it. Ma may have brought a leather friend to see you too.”
“Oh you’re good.” They kissed again and the door bell interrupted. “Ok. Let’s do this. Let me meet the Archers.”
“Darling! How wonderful! We’ve not seen you in so long.” Audrey wrapped Dean in a huge hug, one that spoke of motherly love. Jamie came round the corner into the hall and clocked the Birkin on her arm. He shuddered.
“Mrs Archer. How wonderful to meet you at last. That bag is almost as beautiful as its owner.” Jamie hugged her and kissed her on each cheek.
“Oh Dean, isn’t this man exquisite? Jamie, you’re too kind.” Audrey linked arms with Jamie and they went into the kitchen. Dean smiled. That was easy.
“Son! Good to see you. Bring it in.” Mark hugged Dean too. They may be a formidable family but the Archer’s love for their children was unwavering.
“Pa.” Dean tapped his dad’s back heavily and led him into the living room.
“Coffee ok for everyone? I finally mastered this blasted coffee machine so I can whip everyone up a mean cappuccino. If you don’t mind it sounding like a coffee shop for a few moments? Mr Archer. Great to meet you.” Jamie shook Mark’s hand eagerly.
“Perfect, thanks Jamie. You too. Finally meeting, sorry we’ve been here there and everywhere the last few weeks. Congratulations again, both of you. Fantastic news on the promotions. What a power couple” Mark looked on at Jamie approvingly.
”Oh thank you. Yes we’re very happy.” Jamie went back to his coffee making. Slightly taken aback by Mark’s kind words.
“Jamie, that would be wonderful. Tell me are these pastries from Ma..” Her red nails danced over the plate
“Maison Puget? Audrey, yes. That’s impressive.” Jamie announced proudly.
“Oh how precious. You have taste. Dean, don’t lose him. He’s perfect. Promotions and good taste. You’re a rarity Jamie.” Audrey clasped her hands.
“He is. He absolutely is.” Dean gazed over at Jamie as his back was turned busying himself with the coffee machine. Dean realised early on, the barista machine was the perfect fidget toy for Jamie. Leavers, buttons, beeps and screeches. Endless fun.
“Ok, let’s talk 30th birthdays. Jamie mind if we make a start on this while you whip up the coffees over there?” Audrey pulled out a ring binder and smoothed it on her lap.
“Don’t mind me!” Jamie carried on.
“So, guest list is complete. All family, our friends, your friends, rugby, university and work have confirmed. We only had a couple of declines. But they were our friends so not the end of the world. Jamie’s parents and you two will stay in the main house with us. The boys will to. Another new years where Lee won’t have anyone to kiss. My heart aches for my dear boy.” Audrey shook her head.
“Ma, you know he’s happy by himself. He tells me that all the time.” Dean added.
“I know but I look at you and Henry. You’re settled with this wonderful man, I think Henry will propose soon. Emily is such a darling.” Audrey’s children’s happiness was the core of who she was. Jamie listened and got a sense where the pressure on Dean came from. Lives mapped out. He laughed, it’s what mothers do.
“We were going to have a Marquee but then I thought we should use the hall. It’s almost next to the house and the driveway goes right up to the door, cars can drop guests off and collect all evening. We’re not doing a sit down meal, I want everyone moving and mingling. We’ve got more champagne than is possibly legal and we have stocked the bar. I’ve got a catering company in for the night with cocktail staff so we should be well watered. You wanted French buffet cuisine?” Audrey took a breath and Jamie laughed as he came to the sofa with a tray of coffees.
“Oh Dean, you’re sweet.” Jamie knew where the French cuisine came from.
Dean looked bashful. “Audrey this all sounds incredible, surely there is something I can do for you?” Jamie added.
“Won’t hear it. Oh now I understand. Your birthday trip to Paris! Oh Dean what a wonderful touch. Darling you’ll have to give a speech. Nothing lengthy but something to open the night maybe around 8PM?”
“Yeah ok no worries. I’ll stay sober as long as possible.” Dean warned.
Dean was slightly nervous. He didn’t want his mum to inadvertently blab that he’d asked for Jamie’s friends to be added to the guest list too. He wanted to surprise Jamie. He knew he’d enjoy but he wanted him have his people with him. It was a pretty easy ask. They jumped at the chance.
“Oh and accommodation. We have the guest cottages and we’ll also have those tents installed. The organisers said they’re used in Glastonbury so robust for our needs. That’s everything. Jamie, will you arrive with Dean please? I’ll go through finer details closer to the time.” Binder slotted back in the Birkin. Red nails pressing the creases out of her tailored trousers.
“Of course I will. Audrey, you’re such a brilliant woman. I’m gobsmacked.” Jamie was in awe of Audrey. She had thought of everything.
“I just foot the bill. That’s my input. I’m not allowed to have anymore say than that.” Mark flapped his hands in defeat.
“Thank you Pa. Mum, I’m so grateful for all the effort.” Dean smiled at the three most important faces in his life.
“Dean? Pint?” Mark tapped Dean’s arm.
They got up. Dean went to Jamie and cupped his elbow. “Do you mind?”
“I have your mother. A Birkin. French pastries and coffee. I’m the best I’ve ever been. Go. Have a pint with your dad.” Jamie’s words made Dean melt.
“Well Jamie, I must say. You’ve made quite the impression on our dear boy.” Jamie took Audrey in. A smart woman. Pale face, smooth, possibly succumbing to Botox, although he daren’t ask. Black wavy hair perfectly blow dried resting on her shoulders and Dean’s strong features but softened through femininity. Dean got his laid back disposition (most of the time) from his father and his build.
“He’s a brilliant man. He’s a compliment to you both. Audrey, thank you for embracing my family and me for the party. It’s sounds like a lot of trouble and expense and my parents and I are extremely grateful.” Jamie meant every word.
“Of course you will all be there. I can’t wait to meet them. Now he’s not here, what are you thinking of getting him?” Audrey asked, flitting her head round to make sure they were alone.
“Well he does such a wonderful job of making our lives so perfect. I know he loves the States. I’m taking him to New York, first week in January. I have a few things booked. Food is the key to your son’s heart and soul so I spent a little bundle on booking places I hope he likes.” Jamie smiled proudly. “I’ve been having top secret calls with his new assistant to keep his calendar free. This new job is the making of him but he needs downtime.”
“Oh perfect! We love New York. We have an apartment if you’d like to use that? It’s central. And congratulations on your new role again. What a couple!” Audrey was giddy with the happy plans flying around her.
“Thank you but I’ve booked a lovely hotel already. We like terraces. It’s our thing so I wanted to continue our tradition. I got him something to open too, his wallet is so bashed up, I want him to have something smart.” Jamie got up and returned with a bag from Selfridges.
“This is beautiful Jamie.” Audrey gasped as she ran her hand over the navy leather Tom Ford wallet. Jamie fell in love with it. Navy on the outside. Maroon on the inside. It was them. The moment with the key just before Paris made Jamie’s eyes swell slightly.
“I thought of him immediately. So that’s the plan! Audrey, we’ve had enough coffee. We can’t have them enjoying a real drink without us. Let’s crash their party.” Jamie flung out his arms and laughed.
“Jamie you’re wicked. I love it.” Audrey squeezed his knee and smiled.
“Grab your Birkin Auds. We’re going out.” He jumped. “Let me grab my Dior.” Audrey didn’t even flinch at Jamie’s shortening of her name. Another one bites the dust and under his spell she gladly went.
“Wait, let me see the kids!” She followed like a child on Christmas morning. Jamie’s sense of fun was infecting her and she happily leaned right in.
“Of course. I’m a proud Dad. Come meet the family. Dean is totally oblivious. He doesn’t get it.” He laughed as he pulled on the draw in the bedroom.
“Quite a collection. Jamie they’re beautiful. The Dior is marvellous. Absolutely bring that with you.” Audrey inspected each one of Jamie’s prized processions.
Before they left, Audrey stopped in front of the Paris print. “This is beautiful.”
“Well it was a beautiful night, we needed to commemorate it.” Jamie looked at the print and smiled. JA LOVES DA. JJ LOVES DA.
The Elgin
“I know where they are. Mark brought Dean here for his first pint as a homeowner in London. He bought the place about five years ago. Bless them both, they have such a lovely relationship.” Audrey linked arms with Jamie as they walked through Notting Hill.
“I love that. He gets his kindness from both of you. I can tell. I’m making sure he doesn’t put pressure on himself. He had an attack in front of me. He’s ok, we managed it between us. But I’m keeping an eye on him.” Jamie held out a hand to Audrey’s shoulder. He knew he needed to comfort her. He maybe 6’2 with muscles like granite but he was still baby Archer to her.
“You’re a sweet thing Jamie. I’m so glad he met you. I worry about him but I know now I’ve met you I can worry less. I always will, he’s my little boy and always will be.” Audrey cupped Jamie’s cheek.
Jamie’s heart swelled. They were complete in more ways than Dean referenced earlier. Families met, approvals gained. Parties to attend and cities to visit. Life was on its way for them both.
