Goodbye Primrose Hill
It was the end of October and the end of Jamie’s lease on his apartment. He was preparing to meet the agent there, not before one final look around and to say goodbye.
Halloween plans of years gone by would have involved provocative fancy dress, and a wild night with friends and a forgettable fumble. This year, Jamie asked for a night of horror films under a blanket with Dean. It took Dean less than a second to agree. Tomorrow. Planned.
“Are you sure? Don’t stay in with me just because you feel you have to. Go out, enjoy. Honestly I don’t mind.” Dean pleaded. He didn’t want to dumb down Jamie’s life.
“I absolutely insist. I’ll be at home with my very own hulk.” He teased Dean as he folded the final t shirts into a draw. “Anyway, you only want me to go out so you can perv on my ass in a skimpy outfit.” He winked.
“Uh, I don’t think you’ll be going out in revealing fancy dress anymore. I’ll have my claws out for any guy even looking at you.” He kissed Jamie, claiming his territory. Jamie loved seeing Dean squirm.
“Is that so? Well, I’m happy to hang up my devil PVC for you.” Jamie ran a finger down Dean’s front.
“Well, I didn’t say you couldn’t wear those things round here?” Dean grinned.
“Maybe. I’m pretty comfortable in pyjamas these days anyway.” Jamie wrapped his arms round Dean, letting him push him against the wall.
“Pyjamas are hot too.” Dean agreed, closing his eyes for a playful kiss.
After flirtations subsided. It was time to make there way to Jamie’s now previous stomping ground.
“You don’t have to come with me. I’m just checking I’ve got everything and to hand the keys back.” Jamie didn’t want to disrupt Dean’s day.
“That’s been your home for what? Two years? It’s been a special place for you. And the site of a few hot nights for me if I remember rightly? Seriously though, I want to support you. It’s a big deal. End of an era.” Dean rubbed Jamie’s neck. He thought he might need that today. He could tell Jamie was doing his best not to unravel. Fidgeting and shallow breaths were the soundtrack to the morning. It’ll pass. Dean bit his lip and monitored. I’m here for you. Fall on me if you need to.
“I prefer the end of a chapter. Means there’s more to come. Don’t you think?” Jamie leaned in for a kiss.
“You’re the one with the words. Absolutely. Closing a chapter. I like it. Shall we make a move?” Dean gathered their coats and they made their way.
DEAN: Hi gang. Thank you for today. He’ll play it down but I know this is a big day for our boy. Can’t wait to see his face when you guys turn up.
TRIX: Wouldn’t miss it for the world, and I finally get to meet you as well! Welcome to the club, Dean!
GABBY: Aww, you’re the cutest Dean. Can’t wait to see you both! X
LARS: So happy for him! Even happier I have your number in my phone now, stud! You’ll get used to my filthy humour.
GABBY: Ignore him Dean. X
Dean laughed quietly as they scaled the steps to Jamie’s apartment. He’d grabbed Jamie’s friends numbers from his phone will he wasn’t looking. Jamie was obsessed with this new social media app that just launched called Instagram. Dean didn’t get the hype but smiled enthusiastically, the same way Jamie humoured him over rugby. It might have been easier to just follow them on there rather than use covert techniques while Jamie napped.
Dean didn’t do Facebook either, he was as Jamie called, off grid. He liked it that way. He was sceptical of this new social media craze and wanted no part of it. He knew Jamie would be an early adopter. It was the perfect space for him, his busy mind and adorable character.
“God, it looks so sad. Was it this small? With all my stuff in it, it seemed bigger.” Jamie started twirling around to make sense of it all as they arrived.
“Babe, are you ok? Want to sit down for a moment? This is why I wanted to come with you.” Dean assumed his position, palm on Jamie’s neck as they sat on the sofa.
“I’m ok. Yes, sorry. Thank you for coming with me. This is tougher than I thought. God, the furniture here is actually appalling.” He laughed as he looked around. “Why did I think this place was so stylish? I’ll miss this place though. It means a lot to me.”
Dean leaned back against the sofa, keeping one arm to Jamie. “Because you were here. You made it what it was. I’m not going to lie. I’m happy to say goodbye to Primrose Hill. I get you all to myself now. No lease. No bond. Permanent.”
Jamie took Dean in. He looked way too inviting. His thighs splayed. Jamie would live in that space between his legs if he could. Under those trunks. His mind started to wonder. “How many times did we get a little naughty on this sofa? Do you remember?” Jamie got up.
“Uh, it’s pretty high I think yeah. Jamie?” Dean bit his lip. He knew Jamie was up to no good. He liked it.
Jamie crawled up between his legs. “You can’t sit like this in jeans and expect me not to drop. We have half an hour before Andrea meets us for the keys.” Jamie scrambled with Deans belt and fly.
“Fuck Jamie. You serious? Shit!” Dean gasped as Jamie took him in his mouth. “Babe, yeah.” It was frenzied and messy. It was the goodbye this little place in Primrose Hill needed. Once the stage for their nervous evenings together, exploring each other. They collapsed and hugged tightly.
There was a sadness settling into them, they’d never have their first times again. The joint sigh followed by brief silence said it all. Those precious moments learning about each other. Physical, the beginnings of trust. Everything was new back then. Now they were established, sophisticated, in sync. Gone were the awkward and clumsy dress rehearsals of Primrose Hill. Now was the perfected headline show that was their relationship, from their main stage in Notting Hill.
Jamie spoke eventually. Always the one to break a silence. “I’ll miss it. I don’t mean I don’t want to be with you in Notting Hill. Of course I do. I just have so many memories here. Lots- happy, some very sad.” Jamie sighed and looked away. He slumped against Dean’s legs.
“Jamie, what do you mean?” Dean straightened.
“Oh I don’t know. Like I’ve said before, I’ve spent a lot of nights here alone, when I reached the conclusion I was unloveable, known I’d grown tiresome for people, that I was just a fucking nuisance. But this place kept me safe. I felt I could keep the misery at bay here. I think that’s where the partying came from. It was a way of filling my head with artificial happiness. It’s weird. I don’t need it anymore. You’re real. You’re here.”
Jamie got up and started moving around. “I remember coming back here after meeting you in that bar. I spoke with my friends for hours on the phone that night, sat right there. I hadn’t forgotten you. I lied. I spoke with Ali about our possible first date for hours in that kitchen. I collapsed on the floor laughing over there, giddy with how you made me feel after our second date. I realised I loved you, looking out this bay window, a few nights before Paris. You’re wrapped up in this place just as much as me.” Jamie grabbed Dean’s hand and held it in his.
Dean’s lip quivered. He concerned himself with making everything right for him, they hadn’t stopped to really talk about the people they were before they were together. They needed to explore their pasts. It was the singular greatest influence on where they were now. “You’re the one with the words usually but I’d like to say something. I hope it comes out the way I intend it to.” Dean cleared this throat, Jamie looked down at him from the bay.
“This place was your sanctuary. That’s why you’re finding it hard to let go. You never know, maybe there’s another Jamie or JJ out there searching for the perfect place to call home while they grow into the adult they should be, the adult they should be proud of becoming. You did, that’s your legacy here.”
“Dean. That’s beautiful. I’ve taught you well.” Jamie stroked Dean’s cheek then laughed teasingly. “You’re right. Time to pass the baton as they say.”
“And, we need to talk about our pasts more. Both of us. Talk about our histories. It’s made us who we are. I want to know every low, high, ugly and beautiful part of the story of Jamie Arden so far.” Dean kissed Jamie’s palm.
“Are you sure? Some of it is pretty crap reading. I want the same. Every chapter of Dean Archer please. Every damn page.” Jamie pulled Dean up. They kissed in the bay window one last time.
“Yes, I’m sure. I said back when we first met I was ready to take you on. You don’t scare me Arden. Bring it on.” Dean squeezed Jamie’s waist. Their foreheads rested together. A comforting sigh escaped them both.
A few moments later.
“Hello, it’s Andrea!” Andrea the letting agent appeared at the door. A short bubbly woman, hair as bouncy as her personality. “Jamie, good to see you. Hope you’re well. Time to move on then I guess? We hope you’ve enjoyed your time here. You’ve looked after the place. Is this the man who’s taking you away from Primrose Hill?” Andrea looked up at them both brightly.
“He is indeed. I loved every minute of it. Time to move on. This chapter is complete. Time to write the next one.” Jamie’s eyes glided over Dean. “I believe these are yours.” He dropped the keys into Andrea’s hands and they walked out.
“One last look before we go babe?” Dean held him back.
“No. I’m good. Let’s get back to Notting Hill, future boy.” Jamie pulled him into the street. He was ready.
Out on the pavement Jamie stopped. “Dean?”
“Yeah? What’s up?” Dean was busy with his phone.
“One thing I’d like to do. There’s a coffee shop at the end of the street. I went there the day I signed the lease and sat by myself for a coffee. I felt so grown up. I know it sounds silly. Will you go with me? I’d like to do the same thing, this time, I’m leaving and it’s with you. It would mean a lot.” Jamie’s eyes pleaded.
Dean stuck out his hand without having to think. “Lead the way.” Jamie beamed and pulled him down the street.
Jamie reminisced about the last two years in the area. Dean watched as Jamie brightly talked about his favourite moments in the community here. Dean thought for a moment. I don’t want to change him. He reached his hand over and grabbed Jamie’s. “I have an idea. Just because you don’t live here anymore. As of now, that doesn’t mean we can’t visit. I love this area. Whenever you want to come down even just for a coffee. Let me know. We can still come visit. Your face when you talk about it. I can’t let that slip.” Dean smiled, he wanted to protect Jamie’s identity not change or upgrade it to sleek boring lines. He wasn’t a renovation project, he was a rare find who needed to be protected. He was colourful, busy, creative, just like his old neighbourhood. Normal is fucking boring anyway.
“Can we? I’d love that. I know all the best places, we’ll never run out of fun here. That’s so sweet, thank you.” Jamie squirmed in his seat. Happy energy.
“It’s a date. Well several hopefully.” They both laughed.
Jamie’s eyes fell on his mug. “It would have been great to mark the occasion with my friends too. They made use of that place just as much as I did. I’ll maybe see what they’re up to this evening. Not that I’m not grateful for you coming along though of course. I think you knew what I needed before I did. That’s so precious Dean.”
“Yeah, whatever you want. Listen, I’ve booked us lunch at The Landsdowne. We need to do this properly. Give Primrose Hill a proper send off. She’s been good to us. Let’s go out in style.” Dean smiled, doing his best not to blurt out that Jamie’s friends were already seated round the corner in the pub.
“Oh perfect. Let’s walk over shall we? Thank you for being so sweet today. You’re a good one Archer.” They got up and walked the block to the pub.
The Landsdowne
As Jamie walked in he was met with a calamitous screech of familiar voices.
“Surprise!” His three best friends roared together. A clatter of glasses, scuffles of shoes and balloons. Jamie reached out to catch them all then looked back and mouthed was this all you? To Dean. Dean’s smile said all he needed to say.
“Guys, I’m touched! Thank you. You know how much this part of town means to me. Love you so much.” Jamie walked with them to the table.
“Don’t thank us. Your man’s been militantly organising this for you. God Jaim, you’ve got a wonderful one there.” Gabby squeezed his hand.
“THAT should come with a warning. He’s fucking hot. How the hell do you get out of bed with that next to you?” Lars, typical, straight for the dirt.
“Excuse me. A gentleman never tells. But uh, yeah, sometimes it’s a struggle. Oh guys look at him. I can’t wait for you to meet him. I’ve decided a word to perfectly describe him. Magnificent.” Jamie gazed at Dean then back to his friends.
“So happy for you. So happy for us, we have a new member to the gang now as well!” Trix squealed.
“Ok, no interrogating, here he comes. Be nice. There’s no reason not to. Try not to cry when you look into his eyes. They’re so precious.” Jamie whispered quickly.
They all sighed as Dean arrived.
“Afternoon everyone. Great to meet you both, Gabby, I know we met kind of right back at the beginning of me trying to chase him down.” Dean put his hand behind Jamie.
“Thank you so much. You’re so cute.” Jamie nudged Dean’s shoulder.
“It’s a big day. It’s all yours. This is it, our new chapter. Ready to write it together?” Dean touched Jamie’s forehead with his.
“Oh absolutely.” Jamie brushed Dean’s jaw with his forefinger.
“Look at you too. Gorgeous. Well done Dean. Not much gets past this one but you pulled it off. How sweet. We have to do something again soon too. Plan it out.” Gabby said enthusiastically.
Jamie looked at Dean, they smiled. “Archer, this one is yours. Ask them.”
“Yeah of course. Now he’s fully moved into my place we want to formally invite you guys to OUR home. November 5th? I’ll cook, we’ll have a front row seat to the fireworks in the city, on the balcony. Shall we say 7PM? We understand if you have plans but offer is there. Jamie can show you how much of my wardrobe space he’s taken up already.” Dean rubbed his palm over Jamie’s back. I’m kidding.
“Yes!” All three cheered. “Fuck we spend way too much time together.” Trix added sarcastically.
“Getting to see Dean Archer’s underwear draw. I can’t fucking wait.” Lars riggled his eyebrows at Jamie.
“Hands off. Dirty boy.” Jamie slapped Lars’ hand.
“It’s ok Lars, you can take a look if you want. All black. Tight. I assume that’s what does it for you?” Dean winked.
Jamie turned his head to face him. “Dean Archer. THAT was impressive. High fucking five me right now babe.” They did and kissed through a laugh.
Gabby, Trix and Lars all laughed. “He’s got a wicked sense of humour. We’ll get along very well.” Lars said with a tease. “Dean, jokes aside. So happy for you both. The serious question is, do you have brothers I can be introduced to?”
“I do. Both older. One has a girlfriend I’m afraid. Henry. He’s a diamond. He’s 32. Then there’s Lee, 36 going on 56 I swear. Eternally single. He’s a good guy. Just quiet.” Dean added.
“I’ll take quiet. I make enough noise for everyone.” They all laughed.
“Babe, I hope you don’t mind and I haven’t actually met her yet, but I grabbed Ali’s number too, sorry. She’s coming by in about an hour to say hello.” Dean asked delicately. Jamie hadn’t addressed the fact that Dean had shamelessly gone to his phone to get everyone’s details. The thought never crossed his mind. Who cares.
“Oh thank you. You didn’t have to do this but I’m so happy you did. You know how to make my day. Every day.” Jamie rubbed Dean’s thigh.
“Champagne?” The barmaid brought over a bottle, resting in an ice bucket.
“Yea that’s us. Thank you.” Dean took charge with pouring. Everyone including gasped.
“Oh Dean. This is going to be a messy afternoon.” Trix clapped her hands.
They ordered more champagne and ate lunch.
Ali slipped into the bar a little later. A complete double of their mother. “Dean, so great to meet you finally. You’re very sweet organising this for our little pain over here.” She reached and kissed Jamie on the cheek.
“Hello sis. Thank you for dropping by. Chapter closed, onto the next!” The bubbles were starting to go to Jamie’s head. He was floating on champagne and love from everyone around him.
“Well I’ve met you all now. Each Arden can be ticked off the list. You’re exactly like your mum, she’s beautiful.” Dean smiled at Ali brightly.
“Oh stop Dean. You flatterer. You’re too kind. Hey gang, everyone behaving? Jaim, everything ok with the flat?” Dean noticed Ali was soft around the edges but there was a determined and strong woman of 28 underneath it all. He was impressed. An ally, maybe? Against this troublesome band of loose canons.
“All good. No problems. Mum and dad’s bond will be back with them by tomorrow I think. See, I can look after the place, probably to your surprise.” He grinned defiantly.
“I never doubt you baby brother. You do enough of that yourself.” Ali tapped his back firmly as she nestled in between him and Dean.
Dean tapped her arm. “Wow, you notice it too.”
“Oh god. This one? King of not knowing how brilliant he is. Big sis to new boyfriend time. Just encourage him to know how amazing he is. Also, don’t take any shit from him. He can be a complete swine. Problem is, everyone adores him so he can do no wrong. He could be up for murder and the judge would let him walk free, all evidence to the contrary.” Ali giggled at Dean who joined in.
“Ali? Fuck off. I can hear you.” Jamie snapped with a hint of affection.
“I’m teasing. Right I’ve got to go back to the office. New authors pitching this afternoon. This is for you.” Ali presented a box. “You technically need a housewarming gift so have this, both of you. Look after it. It’s a Peace Lilly. To bring your home calm. Dean, you can hold onto the leaves for dear life from now on. Again I’m kidding. Love you.” She kissed Jamie’s head. “Guys gotta go. Dean, we’ll catch up soon.”
“Oh Ali, thank you babe!” Jamie was now back on side. Jamie opened the box, a newly sprouting Peace Lilly bobbed in a stone pot.
“Yes. I’ll make sure it’s watered.” Dean laughed. “Thanks Ali, we’ll see you soon!”
“I love her.” Dean pulled Jamie in.
“Good. She’s the opposite of me. A total bitch but would die for me. She’d say the same thing of me.” He giggled into Dean’s ear.
Later, they’d moved onto another bar. “You want to hang out with your friends? I’m going to get this plant back and make it a home in the apartment. Stay out if you want I don’t mind.”
Jamie put a hand to Dean’s lip. A kiss. “No. Absolutely not. I’m coming home. You and our first child. What shall we call her?”
Dean was a little tipsy and looked confused. “Huh?”
“The plant you gorgeous man. She has to have a name. And yes I’ve decided she’s a she.” Jamie stroked Dean’s jaw. Stubble rough on his finger. Something sang inside again.
“Oh. I see. Uh, well what do you want to call her babe? She’s your gift. I’ll go with what you want. You’re the boss after all.” Dean pulled Jamie between his legs as he sat at the bar.
Jamie thought for a moment then his face exploded in a smile. “CINDERS! She can take care of the place while we’re out.” Jamie clasped his hands around Dean’s neck.
“I like it. By the way, plants can’t clean so you can’t get her to do everything Cinderella does in the film.“ Dean quipped.
“Don’t piss on my parade Archer.” Jamie snapped with a tease.
“Or what? You don’t scare me.” Dean grabbed Jamie’s sides and pulled him tighter.
“Hmm wanna bet?” Jamie’s lips brushed Dean’s nose. Deliberately.
“My life on it. Let’s go home. I want you now.” Dean pushed his head against Jamie’s.
“Guys! We’re making a move. This one is tipsy and I want some love before he falls asleep on the sofa. He’s a dead weight when he’s snoring.” Jamie jumped to his friends.
They all laughed, even Dean.
They arrived home at 5PM both collapsing on the sofa.
“Thank you for today. That really was just what I needed.” Jamie pulled Dean to him. “Love me hard big boy.” Jamie pleaded through hungry breaths.
“Twice in one day. Fuck yes. You ready boy?” Dean brought his palm to his fly.
“Absolutely.” There was a new confidence in their passion that evening. All of a sudden they were equals. There was no outside distractions clawing at their feet anymore. Them. Focussed. Their future. Wrapped up in their bed, in their apartment. The sense of missing the past was gone. The sex Dean gave Jamie was hard. Jamie gasped as he came like he never had before. His body giving out a signal that it was exactly where it needed to be. Not Paris, not Primrose Hill but in love, in Notting Hill.
Cinders stayed in her box until the next morning.
