Can You Feel It Too?
2014 was soon here. Following the break up Dean and Jamie had continued to evolve and strengthen. No more misunderstandings or pressure to please. They finally fit seamlessly. Two sides of the same coin.
Jamie had given up the excesses of the past and Dean understood he had to stop striving for the impossibility of perfection. What remained, was an absolute sureness they were absolutely what they should be. Together. Jamie’s chaos brought welcome excitement but no longer to the point of exhaustion on Dean’s part. Dean’s steadiness was now a protection, not a worry that he would set a foot wrong on Jamie’s.
Timing was ridiculously ironic. Their relationship was finally on the most solid of ground. Dean was in the coffee shop by his offices in Canda Square one morning that May. He grinned as he looked at the highlights reel on the BBC news on the television.
Marriage. That word. Another word. Equality. Where Dean and others had only dared to dream was now a possibility. They hadn’t discussed it. There was a meagre attempt at exploring civil partnership but it didn’t quite do their relationship justice. They mutually agreed on, “why bother?”
This was different.
Jamie would never ask. Despite nearly four years of Dean making Jamie see his worth. See that he was worthy of taking more of a lead in their lives, breakthroughs misfired. Dean was done with frustrations. He accepted that that was just part of Jamie’s DNA. The more the breaking news filled his thoughts, the more his heart swelled. It wasn’t a dream anymore, this was a question. Demanding to be asked. He was sure he would. The other one starting to settle on him was; when?
He sought counsel with his wingmen. He met Lee and Harry for a pub lunch the following Saturday.
“Seen the news? Equal Marriage passed.” Dean dropped it into conversation. Knowing full well it wasn’t going to land like a pebble skipping a pond, more like a boulder dropping from hundreds of feet above.
The cutlery clattering confirmed it. “Dean?” They both said in unison. Their faces starting to smile, but a sense of shock suspending their mouths, stopping the full upturn of the corner of their lips. They both only ever wanted the very best of everything for Dean, but the possibility of marriage was like a sharp turn. You could see it coming up ahead but something still jolted you when you came closer and braced.
Dean giggled. “What? I’ve loved this man for four years. I broke his heart, he still took me back when he could have easily told me where to go. He’s changed me. I’ve changed him. We’re better people because of each other. Now we can, I want to do it. I need to do it. Tell the fucking world how much he means to me. He won’t ask, and I understand why. So it’s up to me to get us there.”
“Little bro, I get it. I’m completely made up for you. Sorry to sound a bore, but are you looking to get any sort of agreement in place? If things go wrong? You’ve had a lot of money put in your name by our parents. Just being practical.” That was Lee, Jamie was always jumping precariously between terror and awe when it came to Lee. He was always disciplined, reserved. Jamie quietly felt awful sometimes thinking of Lee as Dean; just without a personality. Dean carried his brother’s strength but he softened it with a capacity to love and understand. Jamie joked, “he needs a good shag once in a while with a beautiful woman. I know a few,” he propositioned one time as he wiggled eyebrows.
“Jesus, I’ve not even bought a ring yet and you’ve got me talking about divorce agreements? Kill my buzz, fuck’s sake.” Dean laughed but was also a little hurt. Lee hadn’t batted an eye lid when Henry and Emily married. “Why him? What’s the issue? You didn’t comment when Emily and Hen got married, all this money stuff?”
“He’s a wild card. He spends. Harry, cover your ears a sec. You split with no agreement, he has access to a few million pounds.”
Harry laughed incredulously. “Jesus Christ.” He clasped his hand to his face.
Dean played down family wealth. It didn’t define him. Harry knew Dean’s family had money but when it was put so blatantly as Lee had just then, it was still a shocking concept to fully comprehend.
Dean laughed with him. He knew Lee was looking out for him but still. The concern was there and why with Jamie? “I start to talk about that, think about that, it casts doubt on what we’re doing. Jamie wouldn’t be able to handle that. His head would just run with it. I can’t do that to him. Here’s an alien concept Lee. Trust? Trusting someone implicitly. I don’t know what’s down the road but what I know right now, after four years? He’s loyal, he’s saved me more than you know, he’s successful in his own right, scarily so in fact and uh, maybe one for me and Harry more than you, but he’s hot as fuck.” Harry and Dean high-fived.
“Not saying anything else. I love him because you do. Just be careful. Love can be blind.”
“It can. And it has been. Jamie’s got me at all times.” Dean said with utter confidence. It was true. They guided each other when they needed it.
“No more of it then. Let’s toast with our waters. The Stag Do will be more adventurous than this.” Lee lifted his glass first. He smiled at his little brother. He just wanted to protect him as life became more complex.
Dean knew it and his eyes softened on him.
Harry leaned forward. “So, when are you doing this?”
“Our anniversary, I’ve decided. 17th August. I’ll do it in New York. On a terrace. It’s our thing. I want all our family and friends there to surprise him. Will you both come?”
“As in three months? Wow! Yeah I’m there. Keeping this from him is going to be painful. I can’t lie to him. I’m under his spell. You can’t lie to that face. It’s heartbreaking.” Harry and Jamie had become closer than ever. Keeping this from him would be awful and satisfying in equal measure.
“I’ll see if I can get away. Don’t hold off on my account.” Lee smiled. He wasn’t big on any form of gathering. Not even family. He wasn’t necessarily cold, he was generous in other ways: with his mind, his advice, his time. A sought after criminal barrister, little room was left in that brain for anything else. Everyone accepted his way of navigating the world. He loved his family. He just didn’t feel inclined to be involved all the time.
“Good enough Lee, good enough. H?”
“Are you kidding? Try and stop me! Can’t wait to see baby boy’s face!” He got up and hugged Dean. “Congratulations D. I mean it. This is incredible.”
Later, Dean arrived home. He snuck in quietly. Jamie was lost in making another coffee at the barista machine. Dean thanked whatever entities above that this thing continued to provide Jamie with hours of endless entertainment. His favourite fidget toy. Apart from Dean himself. Dean leaned his head on the door frame. Eyes heavy. Heart warm. Trouble, marry me.
This was his favourite version of Jamie. Unassuming. Humming to himself. Messy crown of blonde. Mismatched pyjamas. Perfect.
He couldn’t talk about his plans for him this summer so he compensated. He walked up behind him and squeezed his waist, kissing his crown. “Hey.” He spun Jamie round and cupped his face in his hands.
“Wow. That kiss was like you’ve been away for months. Are you ok? How was lunch with the boys?”
“I’m fucking fantastic thanks. Yeah, good.” With that Dean was gone.
Jamie was left with no words. He loved those moments. Dean could derail him from time to time too.
June
“H, meet me at Cartier tomorrow? The ring is ready. I want to share this with someone close to me. Will you come?” Dean gripped the phone. Harry noticed how Dean unravelled whenever the looming engagement was on the agenda.
“Of course. I’d be honoured.” Harry chirped.
“Hey, H?” Dean sounded lost.
“D?” Harry knew.
“I trust you with my life. Tell me I’m doing the right thing. He ran me all over London four years ago, refusing to believe he was good enough for me. I don’t want that to happen again.” Dean was serious. He’d forgo anything if it meant Jamie staying exactly where he could see him.
“You said it at lunch with Lee. This is all about trust. And may I remind you, I told you, you loved him four years ago, I’m now telling you that you’re ready to make Jamie your husband. You know how you feel D, I just need to give it the correct name. This is absolutely right. I can feel it.”
“I know. I just need that assurance sometimes. Thanks mate. The irony is the one person I want and need to tell me I’m doing the right thing, I can’t. Fuck, he has this way of just getting me. Like I spent twenty nine years figuring me out, he comes along and just does it. I can’t not ask him. Everyone on the planet and he’s the one.”
Harry’s voice caught. “Oh wow D. You’re right. You have to do this. You two aside, do it for all of us. Do it for eighteen year old H, who was attacked. All of us who are still searching who may never get there. You’re our greatest love story. There’s hope for the rest of all wrapped up in you two.”
Dean was reminded of what brought him and Harry together when they first met. He pressed his phone to his forehead and closed his eyes.
Following Jamie and Harry’s reconciliation, Jamie broached the subject with Dean. Dean explained delicately, he met Harry, a crying, terrified heap on the floor in a Manchester alleyway. He’d been assaulted by a man masquerading as a cruise. Dean comforted him, got him to hospital, liaised with the police and nursed Harry through the healing process when he had no one else. Family shunned him and Manchester was supposed to be his rebirth and the establishment of a chosen family.
Jamie wailed at the revelation. He took it upon himself to explore what happened with Harry sensitively. Reasoning he should go to therapy and talk about his feelings. There was one point, during a hug, Henry could swear he felt the flap of wings around him. He decided they were Jamie’s. He’d come to regard him as an angel of sorts. A cosmic level of compassion and energy to heal those around him.
“Love you H.” Dean said nothing else. Him and his best friend knew what he meant. Dean refused to believe he rescued Harry. He repeatedly reminded Harry that he saved himself.
Next day.
“Mr Archer. I’ll just retrieve your piece and bring it out and make sure you’re absolutely happy with the creation. Have a seat and we’ll provide champagne? I think the occasion calls for it.” Amanda, the associate who he’d been designing the ring with, immaculate red hair in a tight bun, said brightly.
“Are you ok? You’re tense.” Harry whispered as they sat at a glass desk. Dean’s hands white on his knees. “Yes he’ll have champagne. Absolutely.” Harry encouraged.
“I’m happy you’re here but he’s the one who makes everything ok. Anything big I need him in front of me to keep me in check.” Dean’s cheeks flushed as he exhaled lightly.
“D? Look at me.” Harry grabbed his shoulder. “You’re doing this. You love him, he drives you fucking insane but you worship him. He worships you. I’ve never seen you like this before. He’s changed you. He’s changed everyone around him, for the better. You’re anxious because you want it to be perfect, remember that you two are as close as any of us are going to get to perfect. Think of his face when he sees you on one knee.” Harry shook him.
“You’re right. That’s going to be incredible. You’re right. I need to get in the moment.” Dean pushed out his chest with pride at what was coming into his life.
“Mr Archer? Are you ready to see the final piece?” Amanda plopped her neat little body onto the chair opposite.
“I’m ready.” Dean grabbed Harry’s hand. Amanda opened the box and Harry gasped, Dean clapped his hand to his lip. “Oh my god. It’s out of this world.” A tear betrayed him.
The clarity bounced light around the room. A platinum band encrusted with diamonds in an unruly scatter all around.
“D, that’s beautiful. Tell me about it. What does it mean to you?” Harry grabbed his back and squeezed.
“Well uh, the band, my love for him and commitment, the diamonds? I wanted them chaotic and unruly. Like him. Beautiful and messy. I had a moment when I questioned wanting that in my life, this will be my daily reminder of how much I missed it.” Dean bit his lip. “Thank you for helping me create this. I’m blown away.” Dean said quietly to Amanda. Overwhelmed.
“He’s the one who’ll be blown away!” Harry screeched.
“Perfect. I’ll go grab the card reader.” Amanda slipped away.
Dean spent a fortune. Harry clocked the screen subtly. £30,000.00. He smiled, when it came to Jamie, all Dean’s rules went out the window.
“A pleasure working with you on this piece Mr Archer. The future Mr Archer will be a very happy man.”
Dean smiled widely. “Arden-Archer. That’ll be us. Equals.”
Amanda and Harry shot a glance at each other and grinned. Harry concluded the conversation. “Perfect.”
“You need a pint after that.” They found a pub and sat down.
“I can’t believe I’ve done it. I’ve got the ring.” Dean ran his finger over the red Cartier bag smiling.
“I don’t want to be a downer here but Jamie is very popular, maybe you should maybe hide it? Keep it out of view? Someone he knows might clock it straight away.” Harry teased.
“Shit. Good point.” Dean rushed to shove the bag under his jacket. “H, you’ve been through every shitty relationship with me.” He leaned forward on the table, turning his glass. “I know we had World War Three last year but we’re all past it now. You’ve been there for me through them all. You know deep down last year? I knew where you were coming from, the words were awful but I know where the anger was coming from. In a weird way, I want to say thank you. Jamie is complex, brilliant. What comes with that is a pressure to figure out his next move. That’s what fucked me up eventually. Not being able to let him go from time to time, let him just be and know my role is right there next to him, not scooping him up and not letting him live his life. We’re in such a different place now.”
“I know. It doesn’t excuse what I said. Jesus, you should have seen his face that night. It’s like I knew what I was doing but the rage just kept coming. I was lashing out because I couldn’t believe what was happening, part of me still thinks he absolutely contributed to the way you felt back then. He must have, because he’s changed since. Not a justification for my words, but I suppose there’s a sliver of truth in there. And that’s ok. You need to cool your jets, no one is perfect.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. God, imagine we didn’t get back together?”
“No, even if you weren’t together now, with a ring worth more than a family car, I’d still be sitting here saying it’s a matter of when not if.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. Dean, you’re so strong and stable. I’m the only other person who you’ve revealed your attacks to. No one else knows what they do to you. Jamie has a power over you. A good power. You drop all pretence around him. You just be around him. It’s like he gives you permission to. That’s the one you need to be with.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing. I always laugh, we’re so different. Like completely different though. In every other part of my life I need simple, straight lines, no fuss, he comes along and I chase the chaos. And I just don’t care about anything.”
“That’s the point. None of this is mapped out for us. I think that’s why everyone around you both is so happy you’re together. It works. You complete each other. You ground him when he needs it and he pushes you into the excitement life can bring when you need it. That why we all say it’s pretty close to perfect.”
“And he’s hot.” Dean giggled like a teenager.
“Well there is that. But Dean, he’s going to be speechless, probably the first time in all his life he will actually be lost for something to say.”
“The yes is all I need. But, it will be hysterical to finally get him to shut up for a few minutes. No scrap that, I never want him to. Everything he says is funny, adorable or completely profound and makes you completely rethink your outlook.”
“See? You’re ready for this. Get planning with family and friends who you want there and swear them to secrecy. This is so meant to be. Can we just hit fast forward and get to New York all ready?” Harry clasped his hands together.
“You and me both. Thanks H. I needed this. I miss our conversations like this.”
“Me too. That doesn’t have to change. You’re about to get married not change fundamentally who you are. You’re still you.” Something in Harry became a little sad. He knew that to a degree, marriage would change their dynamic a little. More an acknowledgement that his friend’s life was about to change wonderfully, rather than a protest against it. He loved both of them too much for negative thought.
“Of course it won’t. Right get my purchase back to your place under lock and key. I’m about start a few weeks of planning and lying to Trouble.” He laughed. He did get a little sadistic kick out of everyone apart from Jamie knowing what was going on.
On his way home Dean rang Ali. “Hey handsome. How are you? This is a lovely surprise.”
“Hey you. Got a minute to talk?”
“Of course. I do mean minutes. I’m about to tell an author their book isn’t worth printing but shoot.”
“Wow. Cut throat. Be nice.”
“I always am.” She giggled.
“I need to tell you something.”
“If you break up with him again I’ll kill you. I know where you live.” She joked but was deadly serious at the same time.
He laughed. But knew it was a threat to be taken seriously. Baby brother territory. “No, in fact the opposite. Can you be free in August? Around 17th for a few days?”
“Dean? What’s going on?” She tensed.
“Well it’s our four year anniversary. It’s time Ali. I’m asking Trouble to marry me.” He held his phone away from his ear. The screams felt like she was with him in the street. He laughed.
“Dean! This is the best news! Oh my god I’m crying, happy tears of course. I love you! This will be the best secret I’ve ever kept!”
“I’m planning on doing it in New York. We have a thing for terraces. I’ll tell everyone the plans. But I want everyone who loves and supports us there. I just picked up the ring from Cartier, Harry is keeping it safe for me. You know he’ll find it if I keep it at home. He’s a fucking magpie.”
“I’m there. Oh Dean, you’re going to make him so happy. Thank you.”
“I hope so. For what? What do you mean?”
“You’ll never be able to understand. I’ve watched this boy grow up in a cruel world. And he’s found his Prince Charming. Thank you for being such a wonderful person. He never thought he would find someone and this, this moment, he won’t believe it. I know you do, but you’re going to have to tell him he’s worth it, every single day for the rest of your lives. Promise me you’ll do that, Dean? Promise me.” She sniffled. She needed to know her baby brother was going to be in safe hands. Forever.
“Of course I will. He’s stronger than you know. He’s saved me too.” His breath caught in his throat. It was true. Jamie had saved him. He didn’t want to admit he needed to be saved before, Jamie made him feel. Feel everything. Emotions weren’t weakness anymore, they were absolute tests of strength.
Dean gathered himself as he walked up to the apartment. Jamie must have sensed something big was shifting in their universe that day. Dean opened the door, no talk, Jamie pounced on him. Kissing him with teeth and desperation. Dean leant into it. He wasn’t going to ask why Jamie was hungry for him.
Jamie pulled him to the sofa to carry on his attack. Dean let him. Let him go anywhere he wanted. Jamie worked Dean free of his jeans and barely removed his. It was hard, fists on chests and thumbs in mouths. They gasped together. They collapsed and Jamie settled, stroking Dean’s chest.
Dean ran a hand over Jamie’s forehead. “Hey, not that I’m complaining but what was that?”
Jamie turned, kissing Dean’s stomach. “I just need it like that sometimes. I’m sorry, sometimes it’s about settling an urge. Problem is, I’ve always got an urge with you. You’re to blame. You didn’t question me so you must have wanted it too.”
“Don’t ask fucking stupid questions Arden. I’m never going to say no am I?”
Jamie reached his hand up to Dean’s lips. “Kiss my hand.” He did. Dean smiled down at Jamie’s face, as he stared off into the fireplace.
“Are you ok babe? You seem deep in thought.”
“Something is changing. I feel like something is happening. I don’t know what but I can sense something happy. I don’t know what or for who but something very wonderful is happening soon. Can you feel it too?”
Dean bit his lip. He just wanted to ask him now. Do it. Shout at him. Yes something is happening, it’s for you, all of it is for you, you crazy, beautiful and deserving creature. He bottled it up and simply said, “I do.” He stretched his head back resided to the fact that from now until August, this was going to be agony.
Dean continued to circulate his intentions in the weeks that followed. Weeks of screams over phones and teary conversations with friends and family. There were two people left he had to run this by. It was tradition after all.
“Martha, I’m in the area, are you and David in this afternoon?”
“Dean my dear boy, of course. What a lovely surpirse!” Martha sang down the phone.
“Great be with you in an hour.” He hung up and sped out of London toward Trouble’s parents. He arrived and began to clam up.
“Dean, how lovely to see you. Everything ok? Not like you to be out of the city alone.”
“Yeah, uh, can we sit down? Is that ok?” He couldn’t hide his nerves. But he needed to have this moment with the Ardens.
“Of course. Is everything alright? You seem really tense.”
“I’ll be ok in about twenty minutes I think.” He grinned and pecked her cheek. Grabbing her elbow lightly he guided her back through the house to David on the patio.
“Dean my man! Get over here!” David grabbed him into a tight hug.
“Ok, I need to talk to you both.” Dean settled opposite.
Martha grabbed her necklace. She needed something to keep her on earth. Something told her Dean was about say something that might make her lose her balance. “Dean, you’re scaring me, what is it?”
“Don’t be scared Martha. I’ve been seeing your son for four years. He’s the most incredible human being, no creature. I call him that from time to time. He’s beyond human to me. I’ve never met anyone like him. I don’t know how much attention you pay to the news but…” Dean tensed.
“Dean?” Martha gripped David’s hand. Tears filling her eyes.
“I want to make your son happy for the rest of our lives. Protect, support, encourage and love him as he deserves. He gives everything to this world and asks for nothing back. He’s one of a kind. It’s tradition I do this, I love you both so much, you brought him into this world and it’s a privilege that I get to live in it with him. Can I ask you if I can take your son’s hand in marriage?” Dean watched the most important question that will ever be posed between them float from his heart to theirs. As it landed, squeals, smiles and tears of joy erupted.
Martha jumped up, Dean went to meet her. “Oh my beautiful boy, of course. How wonderful.”
“See, nothing to be scared about.” He kissed her head.
“Son! How brilliant and you of course have our full support.” David slapped his back.
They got to talking about the proposal plans, all three of them almost regressing. Concocting a plan to ambush Trouble, their Prince, with love, with only a matter of weeks to go.
Later in June.
Assumed positions. Dean making dinner. Jamie on the sofa with a glass of red.
Jamie checked his phone. In the last year or so he’d become something of a social media personality. His fascination with the exploding world of social media fitted his extroversion perfectly. Dean, an absolute introvert was happy staying off grid. Although Jamie routinely reminded him of his growing fan base.
Jamie’s humour, goofy behaviour, style and angelic looks made him popular online.
“You need your own Instagram account. Whenever you sneak into my posts people go wild. You’re so handsome they want to see you.” Jamie giggled.
“No. I’m not getting involved in that. I work in IT cyber security, that stuff is dangerous. Are people being kind to you on there? And how many people are you talking about? How many are you connected to or whatever. What do they want from me anyway? I’m quite happy being boring and quiet.” Dean was busy at the stove.
“Connected? Oh grandad they’re followers. My current count? Ninety five thousand? People are being kind mostly, don’t worry you’re pretty head. You want everyone to be kind. I adore that about you. I’m going to read you what people have said.” He smiled. He wanted Dean to know what people thought of him.
WHEN IS DEAN LAUNCHING HIS OWN PAGE?!
ANY DESIGNERS LOOKING FOR THEIR NEXT MODEL?
DROP THE WORKOUT ROUTINE
MY IDEAL WEIGHT IS DEAN ON TOP OF ME
JAMIE, NO WONDER YOU SMILE ALL THE TIME
HE LOOKS LIKE THAT GUY FROM THE FALL TV SHOW
“The Fall? What was that again?” Dean was still unfazed.
“We watched it earlier this year. You’re not a serial killer though are you Big Boy?” Jamie teased and bit his lip. It was true, Dean looked exactly like the lead actor. Almost his twin.
“Oh yeah, I’ll take that, he’s a good looking guy. No I won’t be joining that website thanks. You have fun but I’m not interested.”
“It’s an app babe.” Dean’s ignorance was endlessly entertaining. “Come here.” Jamie needed a kiss. Dean obliged. What Jamie says, goes.
“What?” Dean, patience of a saint. He huffed, he was in the zone creating a meal.
“I just want a kiss. And I’ll not mention the social media thing again. You’re just so beautiful people want to see you.”
“It’s you they want. Jamie, you’re way more interesting than me.” He kissed him hard. Jamie pulled him over the sofa on top of him. “I’m happy being just for your eyes. If you need a guest appearance I’ll do it through gritted teeth, for you, not for your followers as you say.”
“I won’t argue with that.” Jamie wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. “Kiss me again Big Boy.”
“I’ve got to get on with dinner. Don’t wind me up.” Dean growled, he was growing and Jamie laughed, his efforts to tease were working.
“Ok babe, we have all the time in the world for that.” Jamie swiped to his emails.
‘Hello Mr Arden.
I am Peter Müller. Pleased to meet your acquaintance. I met your partner Mr Dean Archer here in Berlin a maximum of three years go.
He stated you are very brilliant in marketing and would be able to support me if I visited London.
I hope you are both well. If you are available, I would like to visit from July.
Thank you and apologies for my English. I can get better.
Peter (Rio)’
Jamie smiled. “Well here is a blast from the past, your little friend from Berlin has got in touch. Peter although he’s put Rio on here as well?”
Dean ran back to him. “Ah the little guy reached out. I think it was his dancer name maybe? Do you mind? I mentioned you to him obviously. He must have finished uni and looking for an internship or something? Take him under your wing for me?” Dean stroked Jamie’s head. He knew Jamie would be kind.
“Of course. I’ll get in touch and arrange something. Always happy to make new friends and give people the support they need.”
Dean bent down and kissed his forehead. “Thank you.”
July
July was upon them and Peter touched down in London.
“A Peter Müller is here for you.” Sally, the receptionist sang down the phone to Jamie. This was always code for, ‘your client is cute.’
“Behave baby girl. I’m practically married. I’ll be down in five.” He teased. Jamie had no idea how accurate his statement was. He was absolutely practically married.
“Mr Arden will be along shortly Peter. Take a seat. We’re all friendly here.” Sally assured him.
Peter sat. Nervously. Holding his mock leather messenger bag to his chest. “Thank you. Your name please? I want to be polite.”
“Sally, pleased to meet you Peter.”
“I like that. A sunny name. Very fitting for a summer.”
“You’re very sweet…”
“Peter? Hello, Jamie Arden, welcome to Connect Marketing. I know you’ve met my wonderful Dean already, I trust Sally has behaved?” He winked at her.
Peter scrambled to his feet. He saw Jamie’s photo a few years back but Jamie in person was overwhelming. Tall, slight but athletic and commanding the energy in the room.
“Hello Mr Arden. I am Peter. I have, he’s very kind. I saw a picture of you but is that what you say? It does not do you the justice? Yes and pretty Sally has been very nice to me.” Peter reached out a hand and Jamie shook it firmly.
“Bless you. You’re sweet. Let’s get you set up. Sally, thanks.” He blew her a kiss as they made their way back stairs.
They went into Jamie’s office. Jamie surveyed him. He was adorable. Huge almond like brown eyes, cropped dark brown hair, small but lean build. A dancer for sure. Boyish, beautiful skin. Plump lips and soft face. A hastily bought suit, clearly off the rack from a high street retailer. The polyester was screaming. The fit was boxy and baggy. His shirt wasn’t starched. The collar wide and hanging rather than sitting neatly about his neck. His cologne was something imitation. Attempting to come off as woody and smouldering, but missing the mark and its tanginess smarted in Jamie’s nostrils. The glasses were sweet. Jamie knew they were for aesthetics only, he didn’t adjust them once. The mock leather messenger was awful but it made Peter even more innocent. Jamie saw past that, who cares.
“So Peter! Welcome to London. I trust the hotel, flight and everything were ok for you? Tell me, I’m so excited to hear about your time in Berlin. What a place.” Jamie leaned forward and rested his chin on his hand. Peter recoiled. Jamie’s elegance was striking. A perfectly manicured hand clasping his chin and pen. How did he do that? Make a pen look like a fashion accessory? Peter thought for a moment. He noticed the bulge of Jamie’s bicep straining against his exquisite navy pinstripe shirt. His wide bright red tie knot hugging his Adam’s apple. Peter couldn’t help it, he admitted to himself, Jamie was incredibly sexy. He couldn’t put him and Dean together. They were opposites. Dean was a beautiful man but this one in front of him was just bewitching.
“Yes, very kind of the company to support me. I can tell you Mr Arden, yes.” Peter went to continue but Jamie put his hand up. Long, perfect.
“Peter, I’m Jamie. No need for formalities. Seriously, you’re in a safe and happy place here with us.” He leaned back. Peter clocked his chest. More perfect muscle.
“Thank you uh, Jamie. I enjoyed Berlin. I come from village not far but I’ve always wanted to come here. It is exciting place. I am very happy.”
“Love it. I love to dance, Dean will tell you that. He’s not a huge fan. He’s a good dancer when he wants to be. We love jazz. I hear you did that in Berlin? When you met?”
Peter went red. “Don’t worry Peter, don’t be ashamed. Dancing is art. It’s expression. Don’t shy away from something you created. I think it’s so brave to put yourself out there. I admire it.”
Peter unravelled and his face loosened. “I have not heard that before. Thank you. I did enjoy it but some men are what is the word?”
“Pigs?” Jamie slammed his hand to his desk laughing.
“It is true. Jamie, you are very naughty. It is fun.” Peter clutched his bag still but began to loosen with an innocent smirk.
“Oh you have no idea. Anyway, we’re happy to have you here. Did you get a chance to look over the portfolio of work I couriered over to your hotel?” Jamie snapped back to business with a flick of his tie. Leaning on his desk. Peter was mesmerised.
“I did. I hope I am not stepping on the mark? I made some notes to share if that is ok?” Peter went to retrieve the documents from his bag.
Jamie got up to come round and sit on the desk. “Bloody love that Peter! Fantastic start. We need fresh eyes and perspectives. This industry moves fast, as soon as our clients sign on the dotted line, someone else is already offering them something better.” Jamie loved his work and couldn’t help but share his passion for it.
“Relief. Thank you.” Peter finally dropped the bag to the floor.
The remainder of the day Peter sponged up everything Jamie did. He was in awe. Jamie was articulate, strong, pointed, in every meeting, every phone all. Most of all, he delivered his interactions with such disarming kindness no one ever raised their voice to him.
“Ok, that’s us done for the day. Plans this evening?” Jamie asked as he pulled his Louis Vuitton bag onto the desk. Black with grey monogram detail. Peter gasped.
“Jamie, this is beautiful. I have not seen a real one before. May I?” Peter leant across the desk to touch the bag. Taking in its plush leather, like liquid.
“Of course. It was a gift last Christmas from Dean. Isn’t it fantastic? My taste has rubbed off on him. No, I’m joking. I’m very lucky. These things don’t define you though Peter, remember?”
“I understand. But it is beautiful. I’m going to read my book tonight. There is a good gym at hotel I will use tomorrow. That is my plan Jamie.”
Jamie smiled as Peter continued to take in the bag. “I can’t have you sat in your room tonight with a book. Although I’m a huge fan of books. You’ll come out with us tonight. Meet Dean and me for dinner.”
“I shall not impose on your evening with Mr Dean.”
“Are you mad? He’d love to see you. God, Peter we’ve been together nearly four years. We’re happy to share our time with people. We’ll show you London. How about it?” Jamie started to pack his things into the bag and waited for Peter to agree with a grin.
“If you are ok with that? Tell me where to meet you and time. I am good with the Tube.”
“Great! I’ll text you the details. Dress smart. We’re out on the town.”
“I look forward to your tour. I will go now and see you this evening. Thank you Jamie. Very kind.”
Jamie smiled as Peter left the room and walked nervously. He startled when he saw anyone and jumped out of their way. Jamie giggled. “Christ what a sweet little guy.”
“Babe?”
“Trouble?”
“We’re taking young Peter out on the town. Be ready by seven.”
“You’re the boss.”
7:30 PM
“Here he comes. Peter! Over here!”
Jamie ran and hugged him. Peter was winded again. Jamie’s solid frame made him gasp. He’d reflected since leaving the office. It wasn’t an attraction more of an appreciation. He didn’t even want to be in Jamie and Dean’s league. Something told him the stakes were even higher with that level of beauty. What was disarming was neither of them traded off of it. It wasn’t something they used to their advantage. It was sweet. Sweetness translated no matter where you’re from.
“Jamie. Good evening. You look very good.” Jamie wore a tight black t shirt and satin dress trousers. His hair swept back out of his face. Peter thought he looked like the sun. “Is Mr Dean here?”
“Hello Peter, you look great! You’re very kind. I love an excuse to dress up. Yes Dean is with me. First what are you drinking? You’re not paying for a thing tonight.” Jamie scanned him over. Standard chinos and a thick black shirt. Jamie just wanted to put him in his pocket. That same tangy cologne. Jamie loved the innocence.
“Oh you are not having to do that Jamie. Please, I have saved up for my time here.”
Jamie squeezed his shoulders. “No. This is an expensive city. Keep that for when you need it. We’re looking after you. Excuse me, champagne please.” Jamie’s shouted to the bartender.
“You are very nice Jamie.”
“I like nice. There’s not enough of it in this world Peter. We’re celebrating.”
“Why?”
“New friends in town!” He hugged him again, grabbed the bucket and guided him to the table.
Dean rose. Peter’s eyes brightened. “Mr Dean. It is good to see you again.”
“Hey mate. Was hoping we’d see you again. It’s been ages. You haven’t changed a bit. More clothes tonight though.” Dean jabbed his arm.
“You are funny. Thank you for having me in your beautiful city. Jamie is popular. I see him talking again to more people.”
“Peter, you can’t keep him still. He knows everyone. Any way, enough about him. Tell me what you want to do in London. We’ll make it happen. Tourist stuff? History? More of this? If it’s shopping I’ll leave it to him. Maybe the West End? Something in one of our theatres?”
“Oh yes. Dean I’d love all of that. I don’t want to be an inconvenience to you both though.”
“Not at all. We’re so happy you’re here.” Dean’s face was kind. In a new city full of strangers, Dean’s energy was comforting.
“So, are we making plans? I need plans guys.” Jamie returned leaning into Dean. Peter took them in. They were so clearly in love. He stole a glance at the bar, everyone was looking at them. He felt a little privileged to be at at their table. “Hugsie!” Jamie was gone again.
“Peter, my boss just walked in. I’ll introduce you.”
“Jamie, how are we Pistol?” It had now become default that Jamie and Hugo hugged. Gordon followed. Usual smile plastered.
“I’m well. Little secret. That bar from Berlin? Well, Dean made a friend and he’s now interning with me. Isn’t the world fucking nuts? You didn’t fuck him did you?” Jamie clasped his hand on his mouth as he laughed. He clocked Gordon. “Gordon, good to see you. Join us I’ll get more champagne.”
“Evening Jamie. Bright as ever. That’s sweet, we shall.”
A little later in the conversation. Hugo leaned into Jamie’s ear. A hand to his cheek. Dean tensed. “I didn’t bed him actually. For you to know. He’s way too innocent.” He giggled. His hand lingered too long for Dean’s liking, he could swear he saw Hugo’s finger touch Jamie’s earlobe. Jamie slapped his chest.
Dean powered through and kept Peter occupied. Peter noticed his frustration. “Dean, I may not be fluent at your language. But that man is not a threat to you. I know the pain in your eyes. I think he is rich man but he cannot have Jamie. He knows it. Trust your man. Do not worry.”
Dean leaned back and smiled. He raised his hand to Peter. Peter knew what to do and clapped his hand.
“What’s that for babe?” Jamie saw it with a smile. He was never worried about Dean around other men.
“Dean and I talked man to man as you say.” Peter said with a grin. The bubbles kicking in.
“Fuck yes Peter!” Dean roared.
“My Big Boy making friends. I love it.” He was oblivious, as Peter had observed, there was nothing in it. Jamie slipped off to the bathroom. Gordon followed.
“Having a nice evening Gordon? It’s good to see you both.” Jamie checked himself in the mirror. Gordon was something of an enigma. A happy man but reserved. Hugo seemed to take up all the charisma between the two of them. Jamie never pried, it wasn’t his business but he did have this sense there was something more Gordon wanted from Hugo. He felt sorry for him.
“How do you do that? You have this way with him. He’s like a teenager around you.” Gordon dried his hands. Snapping them in the sink.
“I don’t know what you mean? I’m no different with Hugo than I am with anyone else I know. He’s nice, he’s funny. Nothing more. Just good fun to be around. Don’t worry, I’m not running off with him, have you seen who I have the privilege of going home with?” Jamie felt the need to remind Gordon that Hugo was not irresistible to everyone.
“Sorry, I’m projecting.” Gordon softened. He knew he couldn’t outsmart Jamie.
“No you’re not. You’re frustrated. I get it. Look it’s not my business but have you maybe just stated your feelings once a for all? My head demands that I don’t fuck about and I have to lay everything out. I don’t get the choice. You do. Maybe choose yourself for once. Gordon, you’re smart, great looking, don’t waste yourself in his shadow. I think he’s a great guy but don’t wait for him. You might wait forever. Want me to say something?” Jamie was genuinely concerned. He always was. Anyone hurting, he wanted to help.
“You’re very sweet Jamie but I’ll have to figure this one out for myself. I just don’t feel seen. That would be something. All you have to do is walk into a room and Dean’s eyes never leave you. Did you know that? They’re on you immediately.”
“Let’s not get too rose tinted. Dean spends his life worrying about me. That’s more the reason. Don’t wait to be seen, if he hasn’t seen you yet don’t hang around. In work and in love. Life is way too fucking short. We better get back or they’ll think we’re up to no good.” Jamie tapped his shoulder. Gordon tensed. “Christ Gord, I’m joking. Fuck you need to lighten up too.”
“Sorry. You’re just very captivating.”
“I try. But for you to know, my head is a complete nightmare. Only Dean can take me on. I’m a total handful.” Jamie left. Gordon laughed and looked in the mirror. “You are. You absolutely are.”
The night ended with Peter leaving early and the four of them drinking whiskey into the early hours.
Jamie was drunk and all love. On the street by the apartment he kissed Dean. Dean pushed away. “Hey. What’s wrong?” Jamie frowned with hurt and confusion.
“He fucking touched you. That’s what’s wrong.” Dean’s eyes were glassy, eyebrows dropped. Searching, waiting for comfort.
“Excuse me? Was I in the room when this happened?”Jamie stood back confused.
“He said something in your ear and his fingers. They were on you.” Dean huffed his chest out. Jamie couldn’t deny the jealousy was rousing.
He did what he had to. He pushed his hands into Dean’s back pockets and pulled him tight against him. “Listen here Archer. I have only eyes for you. I will never and don’t ever want or need anyone else. When are you going to get that through to your beautiful head of yours. I wish you were a fly on the wall when you’re not around. Every conversation comes back to you. Dean, you’re my everything. My castle remember?” Jamie started to shudder slightly. “If anyone tries anything with me, you have to trust I’d never act. Dean I have too much happiness wrapped up in you.” He started to cry, resting on Dean’s chest.
“Don’t cry. Fuck I’m sorry. I trust you. Of course I do. I just don’t trust anyone else. The irritating part is I actually really like the guy.” He kissed Jamie’s hair. And breathed in his scent. “God you always smell so good.”
“He may have his agenda although I don’t think he does. We get on that’s all. I just don’t want you to ever doubt me.”
“I don’t and I won’t. I just love you so much.”
Jamie’s head turned to face him. “Take me upstairs and show me then Big Boy. No one else can do what you do for me.” Dean wiped the tears away from Jamie’s eyes with his thumbs.
“Get going.” Dean smacked his behind.
They barely got through the door before they scrambled with their clothes. Jamie pulled him to the kitchen island. Dean was hard and assertive. Jamie gave him that pass. Dean needed that moment.
Never more did Dean want to make Jamie his husband. They were weeks away.
