ASH
“Alejo–?”
“Ash–?”
We drew ever nearer until our lips touched. “Make love to me?”
Alejo resumed our kiss with a sexy growl, spurring shivers of excitement to race across my body. His big, strong hands skated down my spine to glom ahold of my ass cheeks. He then kneaded my supple flesh with reverence while I stood on tiptoes to hook my arms around his neck. We breathed through our noses as our tongues wrestled for dominance. My hardness stabbed Alejo in the thigh. Meanwhile, he pulled me tight against him and Alejo’s dick throbbed demandingly against my lower belly. The length and sheer heft of his organ filled me with equal parts anticipation and dread. I pulled his hair, ready to climb him in my frenzied state. I needed more, I needed it now.
Alejo hugged me tightly, preventing me from moving. My whine of frustration might have embarrassed me in a saner frame of mind. I didn't get it until later that he used compression on me. It snapped me right out of my heated state.
He breathed a sigh against my ear in a way that cut through the haze clouding my consciousness. Then he spoke three words that struck my soul. “What about Trevor?”
I froze still and my brain, only moments ago driven by singular purpose, scattered like bunnies on coke. I had no answer for Alejo.
Words escaped me. I visualized Trevor at the rest stop stroking off a stranger. I heard as he described lurid fantasies about having sex in public places, with others watching, moved to lust by his actions. He whispered hotly as we masturbated in our bed, describing in vivid detail what he wanted Alejo to do to him–to us. He thought nothing of hooking up with others. Wasn't that what I was doing? Was I doing it wrong? Would Trevor object? Deep down I knew the answer.
“Oh, my god” I tore away, rubbing my arms against the chilling implications of three little words. I couldn't focus on any one thought long enough to process a reasonable response. I voiced my dismay without paying attention to what words fell out. My emotions spiraled from a dreamy high to furious self-loathing in seconds.
“Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! What have I done? What you must think of me! I’m so sorry! There is no excuse, I–”
“ASHER!” Alejo butted into my growing panic attack. He clasped my arms firmly. “Look at me.” I eventually gave in and met his gaze. “This is a safe space, remember? Nobody can expect you to get life right on the first try and nobody is judging you. This is my second go around. Hopefully I'm doing it better this time.”
I struggled to think clearly. “I don't–I don't understand.”
“I told you that my last roommate and his boyfriend blew up and moved out. They blew up because I fucked the boyfriend. I fucked up and learned the hard way. I lost two of my best friends because I was stupid.”
“That goes both ways.” I stammered, still half on crazy autopilot. “Th-The boyfriend chose to do what he did, it takes two to, to, tango.”
“Yeah, but I can be pretty convincing when I want something.” He caressed my chin. Even now, with how I felt, I still leaned into his touch. He heaved a resigned sigh and continued.
“I should have stopped before we got this far. I got carried away and I forgot how new to this you were. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure your boyfriend would be fine with hooking up as long as he was here with us.” Alejo smiled.
“He isn't my boyfriend.” The words blundered past my lips, leaving me stunned by my own admission. Alejo gave me a look of arch surprise.
“You might want to tell him that.”
“It's all so up in the air! We haven't decided on anything.” I flailed helplessly as I paced the carpet.
“He seems pretty smitten. So do you.” Alejo picked up the shirt I was wearing. It belonged to Trevor. “What's holding you back?”
“I don't know, exactly. I promised myself to take things slow when I moved out here–” I panned my gaze over our naked bodies and discarded clothes with a forlorn sigh. “I don't want to commit to a relationship until I know more about what I want. I'm too young–we’re too young–to make lifelong decisions.”
“Sensible, does Trev know this?”
“We talked about it before I left Wilmington. Trevor was originally going back to North Carolina but that changed on the way here.”
“Ah, now things are making more sense.” Alejo saw my inquiring look and explained. “You and Trevor give off ‘bottom’ vibes.”
“Oh, that, yeah. We talked about it. Trevor said he was exclusively a bottom until we met.”
“It sounds to me like you two have a lot to talk about.” He rubbed the back of my neck soothingly.
Despite our close call, I turned and rested my head on Alejo’s chest. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead. I enjoyed this intimacy and didn't want it to end. “Do we have to get dressed now?” I sulked.
“Why, you think I can't resist your magnificent ass?” He grinned. I blushed deep in my chest. The bastard loved it.
I raked my gaze over his pure masculine beauty while I had the opportunity. “Would I be a bad person?” I faced his puzzled gaze and elaborated. “If I give in? This is a safe place, no one is judging me. You said that we can learn and make mistakes without shame, here.”
Alejo stepped close and kissed me until I lost all sense of the outside world. He then caressed my cheek tenderly. I trembled under the intensity of his gaze. “I can't handle another breakup on my conscience, I'm sorry.”
I placed my lips to his fingers for a while. When I felt able, I took a deep, cleansing breath and let it out. “Okay.”
We attempted to get back to a sense of normalcy after that. Alejo headed out to the gym. I tried to work on my art but my brain refused to let go of what happened, what nearly happened, and what I wanted to happen. I wanted to talk to Trevor but this struck me as something better discussed in person.
I was angry but I could not put my finger on why. Then it hit me. I read an article online about intersex children who were stripped of their bodily autonomy and mutilated by well-meaning parents and doctors. The phrase ‘bodily autonomy’ tumbled into place and suddenly everything made sense.
My situation was nothing as serious and I would never draw moral equivalency. I was only struck by how I allowed others to dictate what I did with my body.
I let others govern my sex life. Trevor and Alejo saw my virginity as a prize to win. I let Trevor think he was entitled to it because he was my best friend. I thought he was entitled to it for the same reason. That was not a valid reason to give it to him.
Alejo backed off because he thought he was intruding on my relationship with Trevor, a relationship Trevor and I never discussed. In fact, we hadn't discussed anything since things between us changed. Trevor asked me what I wanted and I said for him to come back, I opened my bed to him. Was I in love or was I scared of being alone?
I surrendered control over my life and my bodily autonomy just when I got a chance to call the shots as an adult. I grew more pissed as I thought about it.
I couldn't be angry with Trevor. He asked and I gave it to him. Alejo acted like a decent human being and saved me from fucking up worse. This was the specific reason why I wanted to explore my sex life on my terms, without emotional commitment. I had only myself to blame for this mess. I was the only one to get myself out of it.
I woke up early the next morning to take advantage of Alejo's cooking. I worked up the nerve to put what we talked about, feeling safe to try new things at home, into action by walking out of my room nude. Alejo didn't say a word which helped my confidence but he wore mesh running shorts and a T-shirt, probably because of what happened yesterday. –Shit, shit, shit, way to be inconsiderate of the man's feelings, Asher!
I turned around to change into something but he stopped me with a raised finger. As I watched, he stripped off his shirt and shorts, placing them neatly over the back of a chair. I blushed at his show of support and before long I enjoyed pushing my limits.
We finished another scrumptious breakfast and cleaned up when Alejo spoke. “I'm about to head out to the gym. Come with me, Asher. It'll be good for you to get out of the house.”
“I don't know, I've never done anything like that.” I bit my lip anxiously.
“It'll do you some good. Come on, I'll be there so you won't be alone. I'll show you what to do. Keep me company,” He wheedled expertly, “I’m off today. I can show you around some more and we can get lunch.”
“But, I don't have anything to wear.”
“Wear a pair of shorts and a T-shirt for now. We’ll get you something better if you decide to stick with it. Come on, please?” He begged with puppy eyes and I folded like a cheap lounge chair.
We had a surprisingly good time. Alejo kept his word about helping me but there were so many guys who volunteered to show me proper form while lifting weights as well as how fast to jog on the treadmill and for how long. It was a surreal experience that quickly turned creepy and scary. I avoided sports and exercise on principle because of the damn bullies. Most of these guys were nice but I saw something cold and predatory in the eyes of a few. They pushed into my space and didn't take a Southern “no” for an answer. That was when Alejo swooped in and saved me. He guarded me like a lion. I couldn't help but feel special that this big, gorgeous hunk of Latin Love was protecting me. I said as much (not the hunk of Latin Love part) and he gave me a funny look. What was that about? Anyway, things got interesting in the locker room.
I never got the high school boys locker room experience and if what I read in books and saw on TV and in movies was any indication, I was damn lucky. So it was with some trepidation that I followed Alejo into the locker room here at the gym.
We were there at the tail end of the morning work crowd so the place was hopping with activity. I never learned locker room etiquette so of course I walked around with my jaw hanging open, gawking at all of the hot guys.
There were so many types in one place. They ran the gamut in age from college kids like us to elderly sorts with physiques that put the youngsters to shame. Body types ranged from skinny office workers to beefy blue collar city and construction workers. I saw only a couple of folks on the high end of the body mass index which said a lot about what this place was really about–pretty people wanting to be around other pretty people. I wanted so badly to sit in a corner and sketch such an incredible diversity of masculine humanity but I got the impression they might not appreciate that. A few glared when they caught me looking so I looked down–just in time to bump into Alejo from behind. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled. I smiled back like some goofball and he laughed. That was when he stripped off his sweaty gym clothes. My stomach swooped at the sight. I’d seen Alejo naked. Hell, he let me hold his hardon, but this was a public place. We were surrounded by strangers. That was when I saw naked strangers weaving between the lockers while others stood in various states of dress next to open lockers.
I looked back to find Alejo talking to a boyish, blue-eyed blond guy only a few inches taller than me. He was built like a bulldog with broad, heavily muscled shoulders, well-rounded pecs, and arms fit for wrestling dragons. I blinked with surprise at the Lambda shield tattoo on his left upper arm and intriguing nipple rings. They encircled his areolas and were held in place with bars.
He struck me as weirdly incongruous. In a short sleeve shirt he fit the image of a wholesome, clean-cut farm boy. Take off his shirt and he became a sexy incubus. They both looked at me which confirmed that I was the topic of conversation. The blond met my gaze and winked fetchingly before blending in with the crowd.
I stepped to Alejo's side. “What was that about?”
“A slight change of plans. Some guys I know are here and invited me to hookup. Are you up to dipping your toe in the gay life around here?”
I read between the lines. This was exactly what I hoped to find after moving to Phoenix but I expected Trevor to be here. Alejo must have read my mind. “You don't have to get involved in anything. I'm sure you'll have just as good a time watching.”
“Won't that be weird?” I fidgeted. “That I'm just watching?”
He laughed, “hell no! Some guys love having an audience–like me.”
Him too? Trev told me how much he liked being watched while having sex. What was the appeal, I wondered.
Alejo bumped me, “come on, you can't go in the sauna in gym clothes.”
“Who-what-me-here–?” I stammered.
“You never got the experience in high school, right? This is as close as you're going to get outside of the university.”
I bit my lip at the notion of stripping naked here. This was normal, right? I was allowed to go naked here; expected to, in fact. How was this different from when I went naked at The Resort(1)? I did say I was sick and tired of being timid.
I took a deep breath and reluctantly nodded. I stripped off my sweaty T-shirt and shorts. The hair on the back of my neck rose immediately. I sensed many eyes on me exactly like what happened at The Resort and also like then my confidence flagged. I felt a panic attack building. Alejo startled me out of it when he reached into my locker and pulled out a towel. “You can wear this until you get inside if you want.”
He watched, apparently making sure that I knew how to cinch a towel around my waist. That or maybe he enjoyed the view. A guy could dream, right?
I fell in behind him and I noticed a few things about Alejo. Firstly, he threw his towel over one shoulder and sauntered naked through the place like a king holding court. He clearly felt comfortable in his skin. Secondly, the man had no bad side. He was utterly gorgeous from every angle. I found his stride particularly sexy.
He walked with the grace of a jungle cat, muscles coiled with power gliding smoothly under his dusky skin. I attempted to emulate him but I questioned my success. I visualized what we must have looked like to others, the majestic tiger with a suicidal duckling toddling behind. Maybe someday.
I wondered then–was this what it was like to have a father or a big brother, someone to guide my first steps into manhood? I suddenly missed my brother Grady something awful and it pissed me off that he robbed us of those special moments.
Alejo led us to a part of the gym that saw little traffic. There, we stopped at a specific door. He looked through the viewport, smiling at something or someone inside. He beckoned me through the door into what looked to my nerd brain like an airlock.
We stood in a small space with an interior door and the exterior door that we entered through. The inside door opened, blasting us with dry heated air along with the scent of masculine sweat, cedarwood, and more; the heat almost burned my nostrils.
The room was lit softly, square in shape and big enough to seat a maximum of 12 with six on each side. The walls and stadium seating were made of polished cedarwood. A pot of stones about the height of a coffee table stood in the center. Inset in the wall next to the door at waist height was a water fountain with cups and a ladle.
Alejo stepped inside greeting a few men by name. To my delight the group was already paired off, having sex. The guy holding the door was a slim, sinewy Asian about our age. He put the cliché about Asians and tiny dicks to shame. He saw me looking, grinned, and waggled his eyebrows cutely. I immediately grinned back. I couldn't help feeling shy but he was damn cute and so friendly!
I ogled a tall black guy that made Alejo's muscles look wimpy. He shaved edgy designs in the sides of his buzzed hair while growing the top into a stylish mess of tight curls. His dick hung about what I guessed to be average length but it was freakishly thick. He reminded me of Trevor in that respect. He bounced in the lap of a man I could only call a Polar Bear. He looked mature in age with platinum blond hair. He had square, rugged features framed by bushy eyebrows and a short beard. He was built like a bear with a massively muscled core, titanic arms, and thighs reminiscent of thick tree trunks. I imagined this was what Santa Claus might have looked like had he trained for the Olympics. I watched as the bear impaled his black lover with a dick as thick as a man's fist and long enough to hold with one hand atop another and still have plenty left over. What the hell, y'all? What was in the water around here?
The blond from the lockers earlier sat across from the bear and his chew toy. He got to his feet as we entered the room.
Alejo pointed out those he knew by name as he took a seat and spread his legs invitingly. “This is Gordon (Asian), Heath (blond) Ben (Polar Bear), and that guy is new, sorry.”
“I'm Jake,” the black guy climbed off of his perch and balanced on shaky legs. Sweat poured off his body but he was grinning from ear-to-ear.
“Um, Asher, hi?” I squeaked.
“Nice ta meetcha.” Ben rumbled like a mountain. “I've got work in a few so let's get to it. Come here, boy, aren't you just the prettiest little twink?” Ben wrapped a big paw around my arm and tugged me into his lap. “Mmm. Ginger. Yummy.”
Two instincts warred in my head instantly. I about jumped out of my skin in panic while my hormones rushed like a runaway train. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!!!
Alejo sprang to my rescue. “Ben, wait, sorry! Ash is brand new to the scene. He’s sitting this one out.”
“Oh, sorry, little man. I didn't mean to scare ya. Though, if ya take it from me, it's more fun ta jump in the deep end right away.” He winked warmly.
Alejo invited me to sit on the level behind and above him. He wrapped his arms around my calves and rested his head back in my lap. I played with his hair while the blond, Heath, and the Asian guy, Gordon, worshiped at Alejo's altar.
They pushed and shoved playfully to get their mouths on Alejo's soft member. They traded back and forth with one on his dick and the other on his big, juicy balls. Both drew from him like suckling calves. Alejo moaned from deep in his balls as his dick lengthened into a tumescent weapon of kingly proportions. His head fell back and his eyes glazed over with lust. I savored Alejo's every twitch of pleasure, his every grunt of satisfaction, and every filthy curse he spat in rapturous bliss. His expressions inspired lewd poetry. I wiped the sweat of the sauna from his brow and when I drew near his lips, Alejo clenched my thumbs in his teeth and licked the salty skin. I grinned and probed past his lips, then glossed them with saliva.
Meanwhile, Jake sat on Ben’s beastly dick facing in our direction. I had a perfect view as inch by inch of that incredible tool slid into Jake like a greatsword in its sheath. Once his weapon was firmly ensconced, Ben wrapped Jake in his big arms and pulled him to lie back against him. From that moment forth, Ben punched into Jake’s core with merciless power and the efficacy of a pile driver. Jake’s wails of excruciating ecstasy rang off the sauna walls. It was mesmerizing to watch.
I turned back as Gordon and Heath took turns riding Alejo's dick. Neither of them could take him balls deep but they appeared to enjoy themselves all the same. Alejo felt no pain that's for damn sure. An impish impulse struck and reached down to pinch his nipples. That must have pushed Alejo over the edge because he cried out, “Fuck, I’m gonna cum!”
Heath and Gordon dropped to either side of Alejo's lance to stroke him to a glorious finish. He shot his load between their tongues. The first shot struck me on the chin. I jerked back in surprise as he laughed.
“Wipe it off and finish with it. I can feel how hard you are.” Alejo suggested. I hesitated. Was that going too far? Was all of this going too far? I had no idea and could not text Trevor to ask. I wiped Alejo's cum with a finger and impulsively flicked it with my tongue. A sexy smile spread across Alejo's lips as Gordon and Heath cheered me on.
“That’s hot!”
“Stroke it, new boy!”
I took my small dick in hand and using Alejo's essence to smooth the way, I stroked my dick to a gushing finish. Heath and Gordon sucked every drop from Alejo's body before sharing a scorching, three-way cum kiss. Then they set their eyes on me.
My fellow twinks scooped up my spooge as if I was a bowl of cake batter and lapped their fingers clean. I had no doubt that they would have licked the rest of me clean and kissed me had I welcomed it. Alejo surprised me by seizing each guy by the back of the hair and scraping the taste of my spent passion from inside their mouths. He watched me with one eye and the corner of his lips upturned in a smile as he lapped up my essence with loud, sloppy kisses. I watched him in a state of awe.
After that, we settled down and gulped cool water as Jake spewed cum with the force of a geyser. Ben howled his climax a short time later, covering Jake's belly and chest in a deluge of steamy white cream. Thereafter, the group wiped up and quickly went their separate ways, offering friendly waves and thanks. I followed Alejo to the showers, lost in thought.
I didn't pay attention until I had already passed the locker room that I was still naked. I was too tired and mellow to care. We washed up and went for coffee at Jordy's.
I had never experienced anything like what happened back there. The rest stop encounter with Trevor and a stranger was close but that was an isolated incident. This felt more like a function of the gay community. It took place in the middle of a busy gym. The whole thing felt as routine as stopping for coffee on the way to work. It messed with my notion of how sex was supposed to be.
Sex was supposed to be intimate and special, a huge event to look forward to and savor. It was, as Trevor and Alejo said, a precious gift. In that respect I felt disappointed by what happened back in the sauna. In contrast, I could not deny that I had fun. I felt relaxed and warm, charged to face the day with a smile. I felt closer to Alejo and vicariously, to Trevor.
Perhaps there were permutations of sexual experience that could only be understood after savoring them personally. What else was out there waiting for me? My obsessive brain pushed me to dive in head first but was that wise? I hashed out these thoughts with Alejo and he offered pearls of wisdom.
The world moved on, it was an ordinary day, but the Asher that stepped into that gym was not the Asher that walked out. I still needed time to process everything but for now, I felt good.
(1) The Resort: Fictional gay vacation destination in Phoenix, Arizona. They sell day passes to local residents.
AUTHOR NOTE: No two intersex people are alike. Ash’s symptoms reflect the experience of one person save where mentioned.
SPECIAL NOTE: I write in an imaginary world where sexually transmitted diseases do not exist. Stay safe, PrEP before you play and glove it before you love it.
