Intersex: Noun
1: a term used to describe people who are born with biological sex characteristics that don’t fit the binary of male or female. These characteristics can include reproductive organs, anatomy, hormones, or chromosomes. Intersex traits may be apparent at birth, or they may not appear until puberty or adulthood.
Trevor
Sunday nights were our nights to do something nonsexual together but today was the only day this week that Ash could get together with their new intersex buddies. Now that was a crazy group!
I saw them first on a Zoom call where we discussed taking Ash out to their first nightclub. I had no idea that Ash had never been clubbing but after some thought it made sense. He grew up dirt poor until he was 13 and their mom passed away. After that, their piece of shit brother left them to starve for weeks at a time until Child Protective Services put them in a group home. Ash aged out of the system and tried making it as an adult to, Ash said, “lousy” results. Their old case worker saw them in a grocery store and saw how badly Ash was struggling. She called Seth at The Village and there he and I met. That didn’t leave time for any fun. Anyway, back to the Intersex Gang.
Ash said that no two intersex people were alike and I saw that with their new friends. I knew Shae McDaniels from when Ash was so sick. She was genetically a dude but her body didn’t recognize male hormones. She developed “mostly” like a woman as a result. She was stacked and stocky, but so were a lot of chicks. I never would’ve known she was intersex had she never told me. I couldn’t say the same about the other two.
Lee looked like someone took the skin of a blonde chick and stretched it over a big, barrel chested diesel mechanic with a blocky face and knobby knees. Straight guys, bisexuals, and lesbians would totally have gotten off on her tits. Jesus, fuck, man! They were fucking huge! Anyway, I’d never hurt her feelings but Lee wasn't modeling for Sports Illustrated anytime soon. Still, she was hilarious and really nice. Then there was Jalan. Looking at this one bent my brain.
Jalan looked like an effeminate Hindi guy. They were pretty but they went out of their way to avoid dressing like a guy or a girl. They mixed it up, calling it “non-binary”. I saw a lot of that at school back in SoCal. It’s kind of the thing with kids my age these days so Jalan fit right in. Ash spent a day with each of them over the past three weekends getting their outfit ready. Our big night at the club was next weekend. They were keeping Ash’s makeover a big secret but Ash texted tonight that he had something big to show us. I jumped up to meet them when I heard the front door. Our bedroom door was right there in the hallway so I leaned against the doorframe looking sexy if I do say so myself. I adjusted my crotch for maximum impact and flashed my best “come hither” smile as the lock turned and the door opened.
“Hey, babe,” I stretched to show off my guns and lats when Ash looked up at me. What I saw struck me speechless. I shook out of my daze with a huge grin on my face, “WOW!”
Ash wore makeup! He looked GORGEOUS! I threw a boner so fast I got dizzy!
Their eyes stole my heart every time I saw them but now Ash mesmerized me. He applied just enough eyeliner and mascara to make the blue of their eyes glow with an inner fire. That fire shimmered with a light dusting of blue eyeshadow.
Ash’s skin was already flawless and pale but he made a great choice in applying a little blush to highlight their cheekbones. Their lips glistened in the light, beckoning for kisses. I saw glossy natural nails and colorful wrist bangles spurred me to check out Ash’s new jewelry.
He wore a masculine ear cuff connected by a delicate chain on one side and several clip rings on the other. Three chunky, decorative rings glittered on his fingers while a piece of rose quartz hung from a fine steel chain just below their throat.
Overall, Ash struck a perfect balance between masculine and feminine. There was so much to enjoy but my eyes kept returning to Ash’s eyes.
“Can I kiss you?” I asked and he tucked their head bashfully. He bit his lip and responded with a nervous little smile, nodding a “yes” a moment later. “But be careful of my makeup.”
I drew him carefully by the chin until our lips touched. Oh, yes, cherry lip gloss! I was in heaven. Before I knew what I was doing I had drawn Ash fully into my arms and we were kissing passionately. Their breathy squeak alerted me and I stepped back, reluctantly. “Heh, sorry” I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. Ash giggled. He was glowing with happiness. Their cute, lip-biting smile got to me every time. I lived to see that smile.
He said, “it’s okay but I don’t want to look messy before I show Alejo.”
“Okay” I pretended to sulk, eliciting another giggle from Ash.
We kissed once more and I followed them as they made their way into the living room. There Alejo paused his game and rose to greet Ash. It felt as if my stomach plunged into my feet when I saw his expression.
Alejo hid nothing of his shock and dismay on seeing Ash. I couldn’t see but I deduced from the way Ash stiffened that Alejo surprised him. Hell, he surprised me! I stepped to Ash’s side and rested a hand on their back. He flinched at my touch.
“Dude, say something!” I snapped at Alejo.
His mouth closed with a click of teeth. “What would you have me say?” it was clear he was not impressed and I knew that would crush Ash.
“Maybe start with ‘it’s great to see you, Ash. Welcome home, I’ve missed you’ or maybe ‘oh, wow, you look freaking gorgeous! I can’t wait to bone you’. You know, good boyfriend things to say. You can do it Alejo, I have faith in you!” I was only half joking. His reaction was pissing me off.
“I am happy to see that Ash is home” the Mexican stud glared at me. “I just … I didn’t expect–this” he gestured at Ash indicating their makeover.
Ash took a deep breath. “I hoped you might like it, that you’d be happy for me. Jalan, Lee, and Shea are helping me explore what it means to be intersex. They’re helping me to find myself, to be comfortable with who and what I am. I want to feel proud of who I am, what I am. I want you to speak from the heart, what do you think about me wearing makeup and wearing jewelry?”
“I think you look great!” I spoke up, trying to breathe some of the air back into the room that Alejo sucked out. “You do you, Ash. I’m here for the long haul, you know that.” He tried to maintain a neutral expression but I caught a smile tugging at the corner of Ash’s lips.
Alejo shook his head. “I thought you wanted to live as a man?”
“I do, and I am, but what does it mean to live as a man? There is more to me. I’ve been ignoring it, hoping it would go away because I was afraid of how people would react, especially in the South. I don’t have to hide anymore. Shea, Lee, and Jalan know what I’m feeling. They’re helping me to explore it, to express it. I might not wear makeup all of the time. I might stop wearing it altogether but for now, I’m just happy to breathe, to be more like myself … no, it’s more than that, to feel more like myself. My outside finally matches my insides.”
Alejo stepped close to caress Ash’s arms “Mi corazon, you want me to speak from the heart. Makeup is for women. I can’t take a man wearing makeup seriously. You don’t need any of ... this ... To be who you are, to feel proud of yourself.”
I couldn’t let that pass. “Says the man on a student budget who insists on buying his wardrobe at Nieman’s! What the fuck dude, it’s just makeup! And no offense, but who the fuck are you to dictate what Ash needs to feel proud?” I didn’t expect to get angry, but I did. I mean if Alejo showed up dressed from head to toe in leather because that was what he needed to feel right, Ash would have been the first one to support him. “The point is Ash is fucking gorgeous and deserves to feel gorgeous, and flaunt it. I support them. I thought you did too!”
“Of course I do! Ash is hot. He asked my opinion and I’m uncomfortable with a man wearing makeup. Ash isn’t a clown or a drag queen. He is a man!”
My jaw dropped “holy shit. Dude, are you listening to yourself? Everything is fine when Ash can give you babies but you slam the brakes over a little makeup?”
“Trevor, stop,” Ash held up a stalling hand. “I asked y’all to be honest. I ain’t gonna beat Alejo up for telling me. However,” he looked at Alejo with mascara stained tears running down their cheeks. “I haven’t been honest with you–with either of you. I let you love me as I was. It was easier and to be honest, I didn’t know any better but now I do. I’m learning and I’m changing. I don’t know how much I’m gonna change or when it’ll stop” He took a deep breath. “I am just as much a woman as I am a man. I am tired of trying to fit inside rules that were never made for me. I know our fucking government says there are only two genders, but they’re wrong. I can’t handle living my life dictated by people who refuse to acknowledge my existence. I can pass as a gay man, sure, but it’s like going back into the closet after coming out. Would y’all go back there just to please someone else? That’s what it has been like for me. There are days when I want to claw out my eyes in frustration!”
He hugged themself as if holding together by sheer force of will. “I let you love a lie and for that I’m sorry. You are gay men. I can’t expect you to find me attractive any more than a woman could.”
“Ash–” I reached for them but he cut me off.
“Don’t Trevor–just don’t. I’m going to sleep in my room tonight. We can talk later about how things change between us.” At that he walked into the spare bedroom and locked the door. He unlocked it a moment later and emerged looking sheepishly embarrassed. “Um, I need to get a few things first.”
Ash
Alejo wanted to talk but I needed time and space after what he said. I chose this path I now walked. I never expected to walk alone but I had no regrets.
That wasn’t true. I regretted letting them love a lie. I had no idea at the time but did that make me any less responsible?
I glanced over our bedroom and saw just how much Trevor and I took over Alejo’s private space. I considered taking a half day off from work tomorrow to move back into my room. Was I overreacting? I considered it but then I remembered that appalled look on Alejo’s face. He found my makeup disgusting! This was only the beginning of my journey. If he could not handle my baby steps then I could not trust him to be there when I fell.
I took my things back to my room and found Trevor seated on the bed. I took a deep breath “Trevor….”
“Sit.” His angry tone stopped me cold. I put my things away and closed the door before sitting on the bed facing him. He glared at me. “Why did you kick me out with him?”
“I told you why. The Ash you know is a lie. I never meant it but it still happened. The best thing for all of us is to start fresh in the morning, get to know each other as we are now, not who we were before.”
“You’re serious? My best friend, the love of my life, Asher Morrison, the guy that I want to spend my life with is dead and gone, replaced by what, Maybelline?”
“Trevor, you are gay and I am not a man!”
He shot forward and groped me with the most intense look in his eyes. “That feels like a man to me!”
His touch cracked my resolve with the force of a sledge hammer to porcelain. I listened as he poured his heart out.
“I have stood by your side from the moment we met. You are still that jittery little nerd that overthinks microwave popcorn–”
“I still think it needs 20 more seconds!”
“Not the point!” Trevor growled and damn it, I started getting hard. Growly Trevor was sexy Trevor and I couldn’t turn my heart off–nor my gonads. Trevor kept talking.
“No matter how much you change you are still the love of my life. I have earned your trust and you will never shut me out again. Are we clear?”
“What if I fully transition to living like a woman?” I snapped back.
“I. Don’t. Care.” He looked into my eyes with absolute conviction. My lips trembled and he softened his tone. He reached to brush the hair out of my eyes. I wished he hadn’t. My tears embarrassed me. They fell so easily.
“I know he hurt you. He hurt me too. We will get through this together.”
I threw my arms around him and the dam of my pain burst. I flooded his shirt with ugly tears. My shock and heartbreak at Alejo’s behavior poured out of me in body-wracking sobs.
Trevor rocked with me through it. His words comforted my bruised soul. “I’m here ‘til death do us part, babe. I’m not going anywhere. That’s my choice.”
I squeezed him hard. “I love you, Trevor.”
He squeezed me back. “I love you too, Ash.”
I woke up smiling to the delicious aroma of Huevos Rancheros. I was halfway through my morning routine before I remembered what happened last night. Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry anymore. I dreaded going out my door to face Alejo.
It sank home exactly how much my life was bound up with Alejo’s. He cooked for me, we went to the gym together, and until last night we slept in the same bed. Untangling from all of that was going to suck. I hoped we might stay friends at least but I no longer trusted Alejo to have my back.
Trevor cut the fool all morning trying to cheer me up and it helped. I loved him so much but the time came to do or die. I swept up my laptop, my gym bag, and exited the room.
Alejo stood in the kitchen cooking. He looked drawn and tired. Sadness draped over him heavily while he worked. I wanted so badly to hug him, to soothe his pain and bring a smile back to his face but I thought back to his expression of disgust. That wasn’t the behavior of a friend, let alone a lover. I steeled myself and approached.
He looked up with his face carefully composed and neutral. “I made extra if you want it” he nodded at my packed lunch and the carefully prepared plate of eggs and chorizo sausages.
I considered passing but that would’ve been petty and while I was hurt and disappointed, I still loved Alejo. I nodded and sat to eat. Trevor took that as his cue and joined me. Alejo spoke while we ate.
“I’m sorry,” he began. “I promised you that this was a safe place, a safe space, and that you could try anything, do anything, and I would support you. I fucked up. I love you, Ash. I want to make it up to you.”
I finished eating. “Thank you for breakfast. That was kind of you.” He gave me a little smile.
I thought over what he said and took a deep breath. “Did you mean what you said last night, that you can’t take a man in makeup seriously, that makeup is for women, clowns, and drag queens?”
He cast his gaze down and said nothing. I took that as an answer. “Firstly, that is an incredibly sexist attitude to take. I hope you think it over and treat women with more respect in the future. Secondly, I know how badly you want a family. Do you love me or do you love the babies I might be able to give you?”
He shot his gaze up looking incredibly hurt, “Ash!”
Trevor looked ready to speak but I raised a hand to stop him before answering. “Alejo, I love you but I don’t trust you. I’m good if you want to remain friends but I’m moving back to my room. I also think it’s a good idea if we stopped having sex. I’m willing to fix what is broken between us but that is on you. I will make it clear that I’m going to wear makeup and I’m not ruling out women’s clothes now and then. You need to think about what that means to you as a gay man. That’s all I have to say.”
Alejo acknowledged my words and we got to our day. Thankfully, the gym bros weren’t sniffing around for a hookup in the sauna. I was already missing having Alejo inside me. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to resist if he whips out his big cock in front of me.
Trevor opted to carpool with Alejo. I suspected that he wanted to talk to Alejo alone. I never asked what they talked about but I trusted that Trevor would have told me had I wanted to know.
I stopped by HR to talk to Laura about Agency policy about makeup. They had a relaxed policy. Makeup was allowed regardless of gender as long as it was work appropriate. I quizzed her about what “work appropriate” meant before heading for the studio.
Today was the day. Either we got the big Jordan Account done or we blew our deadline and damaged our reputation with our client. I was determined to make that deadline come hell or high water.
I lost myself in work until Shea tapped me on the shoulder for lunch. I wanted to work through lunch but we weren’t allowed. I broke down and told her what happened with Alejo while we ate.
“Oh, shit, Ash, I’m so sorry you went through that!” She rubbed my back soothingly.
“Thanks, Trevor was great, though.” I smiled. “He has always had my back.”
“You’re lucky to have him.” Shea bumped me companionably. “Do you want to keep going with us?”
“You mean, experimenting and finding myself, absolutely! That was never in question.”
“Good! Your big debut is this weekend!” We talked more until a shadow fell across us. Carla stood with a smug smile on her face.
“What do you want,” Shea bristled at her quarrelsome coworker. Carla kept her eyes on me.
“I just stopped by to thank you” she smiled with the aplomb of a shark. “I’m not on our biggest account anymore because of you. So, when you blow past the deadline and everyone is called on the carpet to answer for it, it’ll all be on your head. I’m free as a bird, ha! It’s like a free vacation! I’m going to enjoy watching you crash and burn. Adios, pendejo!”
“Ignore her,” Shea glared hotly at Carla’s retreating back.
“Oh, hell no! That bitch just gave me the head of steam I needed to do this. Come on!”
I worked as hard and as fast as I could. I was determined to pull my weight. I went into my “zone” like back when I used to work for Brody. I tuned out the world and lost track of time. All that mattered was clearing my work one step at a time, one piece at a time, until I felt a tap on my shoulder. I started and turned to see Selma behind me.
“You look busy” she looked over my shoulder.
“Oh, actually, I just finished this one. I was about to get the next one.”
“There isn’t any more.” She beamed.
I was afraid to hope. I bit my lip anxiously, “did we make it?”
Selma turned to face the team and said, “Asher wants to know if we made the deadline.”
The studio erupted with hoots and hollers of celebration. We finished with an hour to spare. Selma delivered the final elements of the Jordan Resorts next ad campaign to the printer and informed management of our success. I fell back against my stool, satisfied but suddenly exhausted. I caught Carla glowering at me from the corner of my eye, then I heard Selma say, “it’s amazing what we can accomplish when there’s no dead weight” as she sauntered by.
“Hear, hear!” The rest of the team joined in.
I chuckled, then stuck my tongue out at Carla. It just kind of happened. It was childish, I know, but damn, it felt good.
I joined the team for celebratory drinks after work and got home in a good mood. I had nothing to feel bad about. The future of my relationship with Alejo was in his hands. Work was going fantastically, and my big night at the club was coming up.
The apartment was dark and quiet when I got in. I saw that Trevor got home first and tackled the task of moving our stuff back to my room.
I saw no sign of Alejo. I didn’t expect him to stick around and watch us move out of his room. I found Trevor coming out of our shower damp and sexy, wearing only a towel around his waist. I don’t know what came over me. I pinned him back against the bathroom door. “What are you doing?” He chuckled as I yanked off his towel and dropped to my knees before him. I let my actions speak for me as I took his soft cock in hand.
I rubbed his swiftly swelling organ around my lips and under my nose. I inhaled his sexy pheromones and enjoyed a full body shiver as his witch’s brew bubbled deep inside my brain. I kissed the head of his serpent hello and let it rest on my tongue. Trevor’s cock stretched and thickened into the back of my throat, slithering like a great dragon seeking home. I swallowed his full length and savored as he stretched my throat with the pulsing power of his meat. All the while I maintained eye contact with my faithful beloved, Trevor.
He combed his strong fingers through my hair, “you look so fucking hot with my cock down your throat.” He growled huskily. I shivered at the sound of his praise. I felt wet down below.
He pulled his hot, glistening length from my throat and slapped my cheeks with it. His delicious fluids spattered my skin. “You want this, hmm?” He grinned as I chased the tip with my tongue. He denied me until I sat still and waited obediently. He drew pearly white lines on my lips and I drooled like a starving dog. He patted my tongue to reward me and my eyes rolled back as his flavor exploded across my taste buds.
I lost all restraint. I pounced on his hooded snake with a guttural growl and sheathed it until my nose ground his pubic bone. I held his swollen balls and sucked as if my life depended on it.
Trevor’s eyes rolled back as he moaned from the pit of his soul, “Oh, fu-u-u-ck…!”
I threw myself relentlessly on his meaty sword. I plunged wildly and sucked ruthlessly until my man's legs quivered with excitement. I brought him to the brink of insanity again and again until he could take no more.
“Goddamn! Ash! I’m about to-unh!” He twisted my hair painfully as he stabbed hard and deep. I stroked as his balls twitched in my palm. I drank down his creamy warmth until it filled my belly. I drew back enough to taste his creamy candy. I rolled it on my tongue as our lips collided in a frantic kiss. We swapped his essence between us with breathy purrs until nothing remained. I crawled vertically up his body, chasing his lips. He wrapped me in his big, powerful arms. I felt safe and loved.
“I love you, baby.” He nibbled on my neck. I pressed into his teeth, encouraging him to brand me as his.
“I love you too.” I held his head against my neck with visions of vampires fluttering in my imagination. We would rest, fuck, and play console games soon enough but for now there was no place else I wanted to be.
To be continued….
AUTHOR NOTE: No two intersex people are alike. Ash’s symptoms reflect the experience of one person save where mentioned.
SPECIAL NOTE: I write in an imaginary world where sexually transmitted diseases do not exist. Sadly, they do in the real world. Stay safe. PrEP before you play and glove it before you love it.
