Seth’s story
I didn’t sleep for shit! What the hell was that kiss and the pat on the ass? Is he gay? Is he straight and just messing with me? I was getting so many mixed signals and they were all going straight to my groin! I was hard as a rock all night thinking about Zach, I mean… he might be an actual possibility. Right? No. There was no way he was gay. I was just reading him wrong. What the hell?
I got up early, took a shower and headed down to breakfast before anyone else in the suite got up. I promised my new boss I’d come in and meet him to finalize my employment at 9:00. I was in the cafeteria spreading cream cheese on my bagel when Gina dropped herself into the seat across from me. “Hey, West!” she said.
I smiled at her “Can you drop the ‘West’ shit. West is what all my father’s a-hole church buddies call him. I can’t stand that name.”
She got it. “Sorry, We… Seth. Yeah, Seth. That’s better anyway.” She said as she started picking at my bowl of fruit.
“Do you EVER buy your own food?” I asked
“I rarely have to” she said with this seductive smile that would turn any straight man into a puddle of horny slop. “So, did you figure out what’s up with Zach yet? Your team or mine?”
I hesitated. How much should I tell her? I didn’t want to gossip or start rumors, at the same time I needed someone to talk to about it and she was really my best option. I took a deep breath, then exhaled “This is just between us, okay? I don’t want to jump to conclusions or start rumors.” Her eyes grew wide, and she nodded her head furiously as she grabbed a chunk of watermelon out of my bowl. “I ran into him in the bathroom last night when I was brushing my teeth. On the way out he gave me a hug goodnight…” I said.
“He was just being friendly” she interrupted, dismissing the incident as she took a sip of her coffee.
“…then he patted me on the ass and kissed me on the cheek.”
Her eyes grew wide, and she choked on her coffee as she laughed out an “ohhhh myyy goddddd! Seriously?!” I had her full attention now “Was it a long kiss? Did his hand linger on your ass? OH MY GOD! “
“It was a quick peck, and a light pat. That was all. I think it was probably like a bro-thing” I said.
“Yeah sure” she said in a sarcastically nonchalant tone “I’m sure you smack your brothers’ asses and kiss them goodnight like that all the time.” Then she took a sip of her coffee and looked at me over her cup with an ‘I told you so’ kind of look. “Besides, he’s the only guy here who hasn’t hit on me yet. He’s gotta be gay!” her confidence bordered on arrogance. “So, what’s your next move.?
“I’m not making one. If I’m reading him wrong, it’s going to be uncomfortable as hell living together.” I said.
“But if you’re right…” She said wiggling her eyebrows at me as she sipped her coffee. “Oh shit, speak of the devil” she said looking past my shoulder.
“Hey Gina, Hey Seth” Zach said as he came up from behind me and plopped his breakfast tray down on the table next to me and took a seat. Teddy and Eric were right behind him. Eric pulled up a fifth chair at the end of the table and said hi to us.
“Hey, Gina” Teddy said, ignoring the rest of us.
Gina pretty much ignored him and looked at Zach and Eric “So, you guys coming with us to my friend’s party tonight?” We’re meeting in the main lounge at 9:00 and walking over together.”
Teddy chimed in; “I’m in” Gina ignored him completely.
Zach looked at me for a cue “You going Seth?”
I nodded “Yup. Eric?” I said to my roommate, he nodded.
“Then I’m in” Zach said grinning at me.
“Awesome! It’s a full boat” Gina said as she stood to head back to her table, “I’ll see you guys tonight.” Then she looked at Teddy and said, “you too I guess.” She was totally busting the poor guy’s balls, but she was hot enough to get away with it.
After Gina left the four of us, we talked about our plans for the day. Zach had Soccer practice, Teddy was going to workout, I had to head out to meet my new boss and get my work schedule, Eric decided to walk with me. Along the way we compared class schedules and carved out some roommate time for studying and hanging out during the week, then Eric looked at me and said “So, what’s Zach’s deal?”
I knew what he was fishing for but decided to play innocent, “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.” Eric said in a blunt tone “The other night he got quiet when you came out.”
I interrupted “You mean when YOU outed me?” and then I snickered to let him know it wasn’t a big deal.
“Yeah, then” he laughed. “Sorry about that. Anyway, he was all quiet and avoiding you, then last night you guys were best buds and hanging out. I have awesome gaydar but can’t get a read on him.”
“I know, right?! He keeps sending me mixed signals too! He came into our room while you and Teddy were gone yesterday and apologized. He basically said he wasn’t used to being around gay people and wasn’t sure how to respond, blah blah blah, and…” I paused, “Can I tell you something just between us? It CANNOT go any further than us.”
“Absolutely, Seth. If I got anything going for me it’s that I’m trustworthy” Eric said with humility and sincerity. I gave him a grin and a poke in the ribs with my elbow because we both knew that he had a hell of a lot more to offer the world than his trustworthiness. He was a smart, cute (albeit nerdy) guy with an authenticity about him that just drew people in. And he knew it.
“I am so crushing on him. I mean my brain liquifies when I’m around the guy, FUCK, I have never felt like this before!” I said.
“Oh really?” Eric said in the most sarcastically monotone voice I had ever heard, then he followed it up with “No shit! You’re not exactly subtle, Seth.” And then laughed. I seriously thought I was keeping my cool pretty well, but apparently not.
“Do you think anyone else noticed?” I asked. I wasn’t worried about people thinking that I liked him or knowing I was gay, I was more worried about what they would think of him. If he was straight, I didn’t want him to get spooked by being guilty by association and start avoiding me again. And if he was closeted, I didn’t want to be the one to out him. That wasn’t my place.
“Teddy’s too busy trying to get into Gina’s pants to notice anything else, Zach is too confused to realize… OR he’s trying to reel you in… I haven’t figured out which. Gina obviously sees it… as for the rest of the dorm… I think everyone else is wrapped up in their own shit and trying to fit in that they couldn’t care less.” That was the view of my new world according to Eric.
“You’re probably right. Shit! I just wish I knew if he was gay.” I said, more thinking out loud than making a statement.
“I’m pretty sure he’s a closet case” Eric offered. “Conservative upbringing with a dad in politics, the hot, jock that every girl wants, yet he doesn’t seem to even notice them; Classic closet case.” I thought about what Eric said and it made a hell of a lot of sense and seemed to explain everything. My mind started reeling with possibilities.
“There’s another thing…” I said hesitantly, Eric looked at me waiting for the scoop as we kept walking towards Starbucks, “Last night I went to brush my teeth and Zach came in. After we finished brushing, we left the bathroom and he threw his arms around me, hugged me, kissed my cheek, and patted my ass.”
Eric started to laugh “Um yeah… he’s gay… and he’s into you too.” Holy shit my heart skipped a beat, my pulse quickened. Was Eric right? Was Zach really into me?
We arrived at Starbucks and Eric introduced me to the manager, Andy. He was a nice guy and seemed excited to have two new employees that were already trained and ready to go. We figured out our schedules and we hung out for a little bit to meet some of our teammates, then headed back to the dorms. I was quiet on the walk back, I kept thinking about Zach. Could he really be gay? Was he into me? Do I make a move on him? Do I wait? I didn’t know what the fuck to do. So, I decided to drop it completely. If Zach was gay and wanted me, well then that would work itself out. But for now, I would treat him like a straight suitemate. Thinking of him any other way would just break my fucking heart in the end.
The rest of the day I explored my new city with Eric and Teddy. We had an awesome time doing touristy crap. We went on a brewery tour, then took a bus downtown and hit a couple of museums. Eric dragged us into this old record store, apparently, he had a vinyl collection back home. He spent over an hour thumbing through the stacks while Teddy and I had coffee at the little shop next door. Zach texted us after soccer practice and met us downtown for dinner at some little hole-in-the-wall that supposedly had the best ribs. The ribs were awesome, but the company was better. The four of us were gelling and having so much fucking fun together, just two days ago I didn’t even know these guys and they already felt like my best friends.
We caught a bus back to the dorms just in time to get showered, dressed, and meet Gina and her roommates in the common lounge to head over to my first college party. Zach looked hot as fuck in his tight jeans that showed off his bulge, and a T-shirt that was at least two size two small. His pecs and abs showed right through the thin, black fabric. Gina’s friends’ flat was several blocks off campus. Gina had her arm locked in mine for the entire walk.
We were about a block away when we started to hear the music and sounds of people partying. It was so freaking loud, and it looked like half the houses on the block were having parties. People were hanging out on the sidewalks and in front yards. There were kegs of beer and garbage cans full of punch spiked with gallons of booze sitting on porches and balconies up and down the street of old duplexes. It was like one huge welcome back to campus party.
We were about two doors down from the house party when a guy jumps off the front porch and comes running towards us. It was Matthew, the guy that Gina introduced me to the other night at the mixer.
He ran up to us with his arms in the air and yelled “Hey Gina!” Then looked my way “Seth, right?! Here, I grabbed an extra” he exclaimed as he handed me a red Solo cup with god only knows what in it. He was a nice guy, but very touchy-feely and flaming as hell. He stood very close to me and every time he said anything he would touch my arm and let his hand linger there a while to see what I would do. I just let him. He was obviously flirting with me, and I let him. What the hell, right? Besides, I needed to get my mind off Zach before I drove myself crazy, and it was just a little harmless flirting.
Matthew made himself part of our group and followed us as we moved towards our original party destination. As we walked down the sidewalk, he put his arm around me and his hand landed on my ass, I let it stay there. I gulped down the disgustingly strong, sweet liquid from the red cup. By the time we got to the party I was ready for more, I didn’t have to ask as Matthew grabbed my cup and took off through the crowd to get me a refill.
“So, who’s that guy?” Zach asked with a little bit of a sneer on his face.
“He lives in our dorm” Gina said, “I introduced him to Seth at the mixer the other night.” While she spoke, I looked into the house, then into the yard, basically anywhere but directly at Zach.
“He’s a little…. you know. Don’t you think?” Zach said to me.
“A little what?” I asked
“You know… a little gay. I mean, he’s been feeling you up for the last couple of blocks.” Zach said as he took a sip of his beer.” Gina and Eric exchanged looks as Zach acted like a jealous girlfriend. Teddy was oblivious to all of it as he took in all the eye candy.
“Yeah, well pretty much anyone I date is gonna be a little gay. Aren’t they?” I was already a little buzzed and was still looking away when I spoke.
“So, you’re dating him?” Zach asked with a little distain in his voice.
“No. He’s just flirting, and it’s kinda nice to have someone pay me a little attention.” I then turned to look at Zach, oh my fucking god he was gorgeous. We were still standing outside, and the moonlight lit him perfectly, every ripple of his perfect body, every chiseled inch of his face highlighted. At this point Teddy, Eric, and Gina took off into the party and left us alone.
“You know what I mean. Do you really like that guy? I pictured you with a… you know, more masculine guy, someone more...” Zach said looking down at the ground now.
“Someone more like you?” I boldly asked. Hey, if he was going to go there, then let’s go there. Let’s put it on the table. But before he could respond Matthew showed up with my drink and put his arm around me.
“Oh my god” Matthew exclaimed, “There are so many hot guys in there” and then he clapped his hands together and bounced up and down a little. Zach was right, he was totally not my type, but he was getting a rise out of Zach and that was worth something. Zach didn’t say anything else he just walked into the party and got lost in the crowd.
Gina came back out and joined us, of course Teddy was right behind her. “Get in there and mingle, Seth! It’s insane!” she said pushing me up the steps and through the open door of the old house. It was loud, dark, and crowded. You couldn’t walk through the place without bumping into a million people. It was hot as hell in there, so I pulled off my T-shirt. Matthew was right behind me and didn’t miss a beat. Within seconds he reached his arms around me and was feeling up my chest, he even tweaked my nipples as we walked through the house. He was getting bolder and more aggressive, I really wasn’t interested, but I wasn’t lying when I said it felt good to be touched, plus I was buzzed.
We walked right past Zach who was standing with Eric. He looked up at us and his eyes went right to Matthews hands on my chest, I swear I saw a scowl on his face before he looked away. Matthew’s flirting was getting to him… that hot little fucker was jealous! It was hard to contain my smile, I was loving it. Eric noticed it too and gave me a grin. Okay, so I guess I should say that using people, and playing with emotions is not really like me, but it seemed to be the only way to get Zach’s attention. Besides, Matthew would forget me within seconds if someone hotter came along. He was using me as much as I was using him. He’d get over it.
Matthew and I stopped in the living room, about ten feet away from where Zach and Eric were standing, while Gina ran forward with her arms up screaming as she greeted a group of girls that she obviously knew. I was finishing up my second drink, I still had no clue what was in my cup. The second drink was way different from the first, but still strong and sweet. Basically, they were just dumping whatever fruit juice and booze they could find into giant garbage cans and calling it punch. Whatever the hell it was, I kept drinking it and it was working. I was beyond buzzed and moving onto drunk when Matthew turned me around to face him and kissed me full on the lips. If I was sober, I would’ve stopped him, but I wasn’t sober and I didn’t stop him. We started making out in the middle of the house.
I was loving Milwaukee, but I missed home. I was a little lonely, a little drunk, and the intimacy felt good. He moved his hands down to my ass and mine did the same to him. We squeezed each other’s cheeks as our tongues feverishly explored. I was usually reserved and frankly this guy wasn’t even my type. But it felt good to be wanted, I guess. I opened my eyes and looked around the room, things were a little blurry, but I could see there were other couples doing the same thing… gay, straight, whatever and no one seemed to give a shit. Well, no one except Zach.
He was looking right at us with a pissed off look on his face, although I have no idea why. Was he disgusted by two guys making out, or jealous that it wasn’t him kissing me? He shook his head and bolted for the door, I didn’t follow him, I just kept making out with Matthew. This went on for several minutes until some guy came up to Matthew to say hi, Matthew screamed in excitement and introduced me to his friend (I don’t remember his name or how they knew each other), then he just left me there and went off into the crowd with his buddy. I honestly didn’t care. Like I said, I wasn’t into the guy at all, but the contact felt good.
The rest of the party was a blur. I hung out with Eric, Teddy, and Gina and drank some more. Honestly, I had only been drunk a couple of other times and not nearly THIS drunk. Zach had disappeared, and Eric, Teddy, and Gina weren’t as drunk as me and helped me stumble back to the dorm where I passed out in my bed with my clothes on and my head at the foot of my bed. I was looking up at Eric on his bunk. He was a drunken blur and sometimes there were two of him. He just kept laughing at me, calling me drunk boy, and telling me to roll over on my stomach in case I puked. I just laughed back in my inebriated state and did as he told me. He shut off the lights and I fell fast asleep. I have no idea how long I was out for… it had to be at least an hour or two. I was sleeping on my side, facing the wall when I felt the bed move. Suddenly there was an arm wrapped around me and I could feel a body pushing up against my back. I swear I felt lips on my neck. In my still drunken state, I flipped over and was face-to-face with Zach. Fucking Zach! In MY bed! He had crawled in with me and was kissing my neck.
“Zach, what are you doing here?” I said quietly as I reached for his head to run my fingers through his hair.
But before I could do it, he jumped up and said “Shit. I’m in the wrong room. I thought this was my room.” The he ran out of my room and into his suite.
All the noise woke Eric up “Was that Zach? What the hell was that all about?” he asked groggily.
I laid there stunned and confused, propped up on my elbow, “I have no freaking idea,” still drunk and very disoriented I added “Zach got into my bed. I think he was kissing my neck.”
Eric laughed and said, “Classic closet case,” then we both fell back asleep.
The next morning, I woke up, hungover with just enough time to shower and go to church. I had been attending the Universalist church in Phoenix for over two years and liked it. There was one only a few miles away from campus, so I decided to check it out. Ever since I started looking at god as a friend instead of a sadistic being waiting to damn me to hell, church had become a place for me to think and center myself, and I needed that after last night. I took an Uber to church and sat near the back. The people here were a lot like the people at my church in Phoenix, they were all about community and fellowship and I felt like I was welcome and was happy I had gone. After church I decided to walk back to campus. It was a long walk, but I needed the time to think.
I noticed a guy about my age walking behind me. I was following the GPS on my phone and when I took a turn, he took a turn, when I went straight, he went straight. I was about a mile into my walk when he sidled up next to me at the corner while I was waiting for the ‘walk’ sign to light up, and said “Hey, I saw you at church, are you heading back to the dorms?” I hesitated to answer, not sure if this was friend or foe. “Oh, sorry. I’m Max, I live in the West dorm” he said holding out his hand and flashing me a sweet smile. Max was cute, about my height, thin, red hair, and very personable but with a shy demeanor.
“Oh, hi. Seth” I finally responded as I grabbed his extended hand. “Yeah, I live in the South dorm.”
“Mind if I walk with you?” He asked, I shook my head no, happy to have the company. Max was from Minneapolis and grew up Catholic. He started going to the UU church (that’s what we called it) a couple of years ago when he started questioning the teachings of the Catholic church. His mom and dad didn’t care what religion he chose, they wanted him to have a relationship with god, and encouraged him to explore other churches and faiths if he wasn’t comfortable with theirs. I found his story fascinating. I asked him what he questioned about his parent’s beliefs. He thought, then quietly said “I guess I was questioning my sexuality… still am… and the Catholic church doesn’t exactly tolerate gay people” then he looked at me to gage my response.
I just blurted out “I’m gay.” Then proceeded to tell him my entire life story. He didn’t judge me, he just listened. We could really relate to each other, and frankly, I just liked the guy. He was good friend material. Before we knew it, we were back at the dorms. I invited him to our suite for a cup of coffee. When I opened the door to the lounge, I heard the door to Zach’s room slam shut. Eric and Teddy were just staring at the door with confused looks on their faces. Apparently when Zach heard me come in, he ran out of the room… ugh! This was getting awkward.
Teddy and Eric shifted their eyes to me, and my new friend Max. Eric’s face lit up like never before when his eyes met Max’s hazel eyes. I made the quick introductions as I walked toward the coffee pot to pour us each a cup. Max stayed for a cup of coffee, then we exchanged numbers and promised to hand out before he headed back to his dorm room, and I went into our room to change.
Eric followed me in, “So what’s his story?” he asked.
“He’s just a guy I met at church, we walked home together.” I said matter-of-factly as I changed into shorts and a T-shirt.
“Gay? Straight? What?” Eric said. I smiled a little, he was definitely interested in my new friend, and it was kind of cute.
“Questioning” I said.
“I can work with that” Eric said with a grin. “Do you mind if I ask him out?”
“So, Eric likes gingers” I said laughing. “Ask him out, but you guys better not dump me as a friend” I said half-joking. “You want me to call him and see if it’s okay for me to give his number to you?”
“FUCK YES, I DO!” Eric said with the most excitement I had seen pouring from him to-date. I promised to reach out to Max later. But for now, I was trying to figure out what the hell to do about Zach.
What the fuck was his deal?
To be continued…
