“Wishin’ and hopin’ that I don’t blow it. I’m nervous as hell. I don’t wanna show it. And right now, I don’t even know what I’m saying. I’ve never had game, no never. I don’t wanna sound like a broken record. But until you say goodnight, all I know is that I’m staying. So, can I get a refill? Can I get a refill? Can I get a refill?”-
Elle Varner (Refill)
November 2026 (Thanksgiving)
Ishmael pulled him into a loving embrace and tried desperately to calm him down. It was no use, though. MJ was losing himself to his guilt. The pain in his heart was extreme. He needed Noah to live and wake up so he could apologize for what happened between them.
“Hey, your dad knows you love him. This is not your fault,” Ishmael said as he stroked MJ’s back lovingly. “Things happen that are out of our control sometimes.”
MJ looked up at Ishmael. His eyes were red and puffy. Ishmael wiped MJ’s tears away. It was safe to say that MJ was grateful for Ishmael. Their eyes connected. Suddenly, the feeling of Ishmael’s hand on his face sent a tingle running down his body.
Something pulled at MJ. He didn’t fight it. He just did what felt natural to him in the moment. His lips grazed Ishmael’s lips. Ish quickly moved back an inch.
“MJ, what are you doing,” Ishmael asked.
“I don’t know, but I liked it,” he said, assured of himself.
He leaned back in and that time Ishmael didn’t move. Their lips connected, and they began to kiss. A slow kiss soon became a powerhouse kiss. They were completely lost in the moment. Their lips had connected and refused to part ways.
MJ placed his hand on Ishmael’s back and let it slowly fall to the top of his ass. Just as he was about to move his hand further, they were interrupted by the clearing of a throat. They quickly jumped, but it was too late. They had been discovered by Terrick. They were caught red-handed, and both of their faces were red from the passion.
“Uncle Terrick,” MJ breathed.
Terrick cut his eyes at both of them, “Dinner is ready. Time to eat, nephew.”
“I’ll be right down,” MJ said as he wiped his mouth.
Very sternly, Terrick said, “You’ll go now.”
MJ glanced at Ishmael. He knew not to question his uncle. Terrick was by far the firmest adult figure he had ever had in his life. Trevor was the over-the-top fun uncle, Zane was the professional one who always discussed life lessons and investments, and Noah was the nurturing father who encouraged MJ to be himself and experience life. Terrick was the one who would call him out on things and tell him when he was being a brat. It was always done tactfully and in love.
His uncles were a village for him. Lola and Noah when they truly needed it most. So, because of their history, he knew not to push Terrick. MJ walked past his uncle and out of the room. He wanted to stay and defend himself and Ishmael, but he knew it was useless. He wasn’t even sure why he did it.
Terrick waited till he knew MJ was gone before speaking. He didn’t want his nephew to hear the words that were going to come out of his mouth.
“I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. I’m MJ’s uncle, and Noah’s my best friend. I’m the one listed as a guardian to raise Lola should anything happen to Noah. I’ve known MJ since he was ten years old. He is like a son to me—a son I will protect at all costs. You are married to his biological dad. Is that not enough for you?”
Ishmael chuckled nervously, “I don’t know what you think you saw, but that was just me providing comfort to a young man who is afraid his dad is going to die.”
“Ha,” Terrick shouted, “If that’s comfort, I wonder what joy and happiness look like. What would Matthew think about this? Would he approve of your methods?”
“Nothing happened. It was a stupid and very harmless kiss. The boy wanted to feel another emotion, so he kissed me. I wasn’t going to let it go any further. So, there’s no need for threats, and there’s no need for Matthew to know. You two don’t even like one another. Noah told us the story about that failed threesome and how it was just a cover so you could fuck Matthew. So whatever high horse you’re trying to ride on, I suggest you get off of it.” Ishmael cut his eyes and walked out of the room.
The dinner table was set perfectly. The food smelled and looked absolutely delicious. Seated at the table were Vivian, Cliff, Zane, Trevor, Lola, Terrick, Matthew, Ishmael, and Matthew. It was a vibe of sorts. Trevor, Zane, and Terrick all had husbands back home, but they weren’t going to leave until they knew Noah was okay.
Matthew was still reeling from the fact that Terrick was not only part of Noah’s life, but he had a hand in raising his son. His memories of Terrick were not good ones. He remembered him for the games he played and how he had used him for sex. He felt contempt for Terrick.
“Terrick, Noah told me that the three of us had a very ugly relationship. How is it that you came to be part of his life in such a profound way?” Matthew tried to ask the question without letting anyone know he had his memories back.
Terrick took a sip of wine, “It’s true. I was a very different person. I owe my change and breakthrough to Noah. It was about three years after we thought you had died that we became the best of friends.”
March 2019
Every day for the last three years, Noah went to the gravesite to sit with Matthew. There was still fresh snow on the ground in NYC. The wind was calm, and the skies were blue. Noah walked up the hill toward the big tree where Matthew’s grave was at.
He stopped in his tracks. There was a fresh bouquet of flowers on the headstone. It was the second time he had found the flowers there. It made him upset because he didn’t know who was leaving them. All of Matthew’s friends were in Atlanta, and his family still lived in Alabama.
Noah stormed into the main office near the front gate and slammed the flowers down on the receptionist's desk.
“This is the second time I’ve come to visit my husband’s grave, and I’ve found these fucking flowers there,” he shouted.
“Sir, I don’t understand. Is that a problem,” she asked with a nervous stutter.
Noah lowered his voice, “Is that a problem?” He giggled and spun around. “YES,” he yelled. “He has no friends or family here. I want to know who’s doing it. Put some cameras or something out there. I demand to know who is fucking with him.”
Noah turned and stormed out of the office. He knew he was being a bit dramatic, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to know what he wanted to know. There was nothing that was going to stop him from finding out the truth.
May 2019
Noah approached Matthew’s grave. Spring had finally arrived. The grass was growing; the flowers were blooming. It was a beautiful day out. Standing in front of Matthew’s grave, holding some flowers, was a man. His back was towards Noah.
“Hey, who are you,” Noah asked.
The man hesitated for a moment. He turned around and revealed himself to be Terrick. Noah was stunned. Terrick was the last person he had expected to see.
“Surprise. It’s me, Terrick,” he said with a grin.
Noah asked, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I’d like to do the same with you.”
Noah initially had his guard up, but he allowed Terrick to speak his peace. During that conversation, he learned that Terrick had changed following their encounter on Valentine’s Day in Atlanta all those years ago. He decided to seek counseling to discuss the things that were personally affecting him.
Terrick had been molested by a close family friend when he was young. He endured the abuse for years. As he grew older, he sought after young, unsuspecting men and women. He would prey on their vulnerabilities and get them to sleep with him after making them feel like they were the one, and then he would leave them. It was his way of trying to take back the power and control that had been taken from him at such a young age.
Terrick credited Noah for being the one to make him realize that something was broken inside of him. His only regret was that he never got a chance to apologize to Matthew before he passed away. Terrick’s ability to be vulnerable and honest allowed Noah to see another side of him, and that began the start of their friendship.
September 2019
Noah and Terrick got out of the black SUV. It was raining, and the streets of New York were busy as usual. Noah frowned at the building in front of them. The place didn’t look very welcoming.
Noah whined, “Where are we going, Terrick? I really don’t want to do anything but be with my kids tonight.”
Terrick grabbed Noah’s shoulders, “Look, I get it—you’re a dad—an amazing one at that. I love little Lola, and MJ is just awesome, but friend, you have to start being around other adults.”
Noah was about to protest, but Terrick cut him off before he could.
“And I mean other adults who aren’t Trevor, Zane, and myself. Now, let’s eat because we are already here. I’m starving, and you already paid the sitter,” Terrick said as he ushered Noah into the building.
As they entered, Noah was still arguing about going now. Then a room full of people yelled surprise. Noah was left speechless as he looked around the room. All of his friends and family were there, including Ashlyn, to celebrate his birthday.
Noah hadn’t celebrated his birthday since Matthew’s death. His eyes watered as he felt all the love in the room. Standing front and center were his chosen family: Trevor, Zane, and Terrick. The room started to chant.
Everyone yelled, “Speech! Speech! Speech!”
“I am speechless. I love you guys,” he said as his voice cracked.
Someone turned on the music, and the party began. It was a great night. The world didn’t seem like such a scary place anymore. The road to healing was going to be a long one, but Noah was ready as long as he had his friends and family in his corner. That night, as they danced, a tall, dark Nigerian by the name of Lamar had his eyes on Noah all night.
October 2019
Noah and Terrick entered the Halloween party with Terrick dressed as Batman and Noah dressed as Harley Quinn. Terrick had pleaded with Noah all month long, and he had finally agreed to go. They were determined to have a night worth remembering. The place was packed, and Noah instantly had second thoughts about it all.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” he said, trying to speak over the loud music.
“We just got here. Let’s try to have a little fun. Please,” Terrick begged.
Noah relented and made his way to the bar to grab a drink. Terrick spotted a guy dressed like a slutty Black Panther, and he made his way towards him. That guy would later become his future husband, Nathan.
Noah ordered a vodka on the rocks and took a seat at the bar. Just then, the Nigerian guy from Noah’s party came and sat next to him. He was dressed as the Joker. They glanced at one another and instantly started to laugh.
Lamar introduced himself, “I’m Lamar. My friends call me the Joker, though.”
Noah giggled, “I’m Noah. Just Noah.”
“I know. I saw you at your birthday party. I work with Terrick. I wanted to approach you that night but I was nervous as hell. A guy as beautiful as you, I’m sure, has men lining up.”
“Is that like some wanna-be smooth Nigerian way to try and fuck me,” Noah asked half-jokingly.
Lamar leaned in closer, “No. I was actually hoping that you’d fuck me tonight.”
Everything went quiet in Noah’s ears. In all his years of sex, he had only ever been a top with Matthew. The idea of fucking someone else scared him. That was apart of himself he wasn’t sure he was ready to share with another soul yet.
“It’s okay to say no,” Lamar said.
Just then, Elle Varner’s “Refill” began playing. Noah ordered another drink. The second the bartender placed the glass down, Noah took it straight to the head. He then turned and looked at Lamar. The dude was beautiful. He had smooth mocha skin with a low fade and a full clean beard. His brown eyes were deep, and his lips were fat.
His arms appeared big and strong. His body looked like it could handle a man the right way. Suddenly all Noah could think about was feeling someone touching him and fucking him. He wasn’t ready to be a top, but the bottom in him was ready for action.
“I don’t want to fuck anyone tonight, but I would really like to be fucked,” Noah said with a coy smile.
Noah was in the middle of the bed on his knees. Lamar was behind him, slamming his long dark dick in and out of Noah. Lamar gripped Noah’s cheeks and pounded him harder. Each thrust split Noah’s ass open further and wider.
“Oh fuck,” Noah moaned.
Lamar growled, “Take my cock in your tight ass.”
Lamar admired Noah’s bouncing cakes as he fucked him. He drove his cock in and out of him. Each stroke made Noah’s ass cream all over his thick cock. Noah began to bounce back on Lamar’s dick. He took more and more of it. His ass craved it like a missed meal. Lamar pulled his dick out and spit on Noah’s openly fucked hole.
They rolled in the bed. Lamar ended up on his back, and Noah began to bounce up and down on his cock. Lamar cuffed Noah’s cheeks and began to fuck up into him. His big balls pounded into Noah.
“Oh my God in heaven, man,” Lamar cried.
The sound of their bodies grew louder and louder. Lamar’s toes curled, and he placed a hand around Noah’s neck. Noah moved faster and harder on the thick cock. Lamar’s dick was hitting all the old spots inside of Noah.
“Fuck me harder,” pleaded Noah.
They slowed down. Noah moved his hips in a circular motion. The intensity and speed picked up. Lamar forced him to look into his eyes as he beat his anus into submission. Over and over, he drove his dick deeper into Noah’s waiting hole.
“FUCK,” moaned Noah.
Lamar pushed Noah on his back. He spread his legs and fucked him deep and slow. Each long stroke hit the perfect angle. Sweat poured off them. Noah grabbed hold of his balls and rubbed them as Lamar fucked him the way he needed to be fucked.
Lamar’s balls pounded against Noah’s cheeks over and over. Noah wrapped his legs around Lamar’s waist. They gripped one another and fucked until the end. It was the first dick to be inside of Noah in three long years.
April 2020
It was the middle of the day when the uncles and Noah met for lunch. Terrick appeared to be elated about something. Noah could see that Terrick was dying to tell them something.
“Terrick, I am not going to be able to enjoy my meal until you get whatever it is you’re dying to say off your chest,” Noah said as he took a bite of his salad.
Zane put his fork down, “Wow, you are lighting up. I didn’t even realize it till Noah said something. What’s the news?”
“Ugh,” Terrick sighed, “I asked Nathan to marry me, and he said yes.”
Terrick and Nathan had only been dating for six months, but he knew Nathan was the one. He knew, and he was ready to start building his life with him. They could all only be loving and supportive of their union.
Trevor squealed, “Fabulous! Look at you finally becoming a real man,”
Noah smiled, “Congratulations, brother. I’m so happy for you. You totally deserve this.”
Terrick gushed, “Noah, I want you to be my best man.”
“I’d be honored,” said Noah as he shook hands with Terrick.
“Noah, make sure those hung at the bachelor party,” said Trevor as he raised a glass.
Everyone laughed. They all raised their glasses and made a toast to Terrick and the bright future that awaited him.
November 2026 (Thanksgiving)
The dinner table was quiet. Everyone was in their feelings thinking about Noah. It was pretty clear that he was loved. Matthew, in particular, was feeling things that were beyond confusing to him.
“So, you were molested,” Matthew asked.
Terrick responded, “Yeah, and it made me act out in ways that weren’t healthy, nor were they nice.’
It was like a light bulb went off. Everything that was happening with MJ made perfect sense. He knew the signs but had somehow missed them. MJ was acting out because he was angry and he had lost control and power.
Terrick stared at MJ as he said, “Matthew, I screwed up in college, and what I did was wrong. I hope what I say next begins to right some of my wrongs.”
“What are you talking about,” Matthew asked.
MJ knew instantly what Terrick was talking about. He wished he would keep it to himself, but he knew it was all about to come out.
“Uncle Terrick? Please,” MJ begged.
“I kissed MJ,” Ishmael confessed as he stared at his plate of food.
Everyone dropped their silverware. It took a moment for the words to register in Matthew’s head. Slowly, they sank in, and he realized that Ishmael had once again betrayed him. Slowly, he turned his head in Ishmael’s direction.
Matthew asked, “You did what? You kissed him? What the fuck is wrong with you? First, you kiss Noah, and now you kiss MJ. Are you trying to go down the family line?”
“You kissed my dad,” MJ asked in shock.
“I wasn’t thinking. I was scared that I was going to lose you to him,” Ishmael shouted.
Matthew shouted back, “HIM? He has a name; you will respect him and what I had with him. I share a child with Noah and a life with him. He was the first person to make me smile after my dad died. He was there when my mom first got sick. When I graduated college, he was there. We meant everything to one another. We were Mateo and Monty. You don’t have to like my history, but you will respect him. He is the reason I am half the man I am today.”
Vivian asked, “You remember all of that?”
Matthew looked around the table. The cat was out of the bag. Everyone knew now that he had gained his memories back.
Ishmael stood up and said, “Don’t look now, but your secret is out, Matthew. He has his memory back, but spoiler, he can’t feel the love for Noah just yet. I’m sure it’s coming any day now.”
“I had picked you, Ish. I had given up on trying to tap into those old feelings. I had accepted my future with you.”
“I wasn’t your first pick. I was a constellation prize because you couldn’t feel anything. Had you got those feelings, we both know you’d be with him.”
“Regardless, that doesn’t excuse you from kissing a child,” screamed Vivian in full-on rage.
“I’m not a child. I’m an adult. I’m 18 years old, grandma,” shouted MJ.
Vivian sternly said, “Your father never spoke to me that way, and you sure as hell won’t either, MJ. I don’t know what is happening with you, but you’d better find yourself quick, fast, and in a hurry. I am not one of your little friends. I am your grandmother, and I will be respected as such. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, grandmother,” MJ said defeatedly. He knew his grandmother was not one to play games.
Matthew jumped up from the table and stormed out of the house. The rain had apparently finally ceased. Matthew’s blood was boiling as he walked the near-empty streets of Boston. He was angry, hurt, and lonely. He felt like how he did the day he woke up from his coma. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs.
He walked for miles and miles. The air around him was cold, but he didn’t care. His mind was racing with all types of thoughts. He accidentally bumped into a guy. Their shoulders hit each other. Matthew spun around to face the guy. The guy turned around to face Matthew.
“Watch it bitch,” the guy said.
There was something about his face and his voice. It triggered Matthew, and he found himself back in time in 2016 on the night of his accident. He could see himself walking down a sidewalk as the snow was falling, and he bumped into this exact same guy, and the guy said the exact same thing to him.
The flash was over, and Matthew was still standing there, but the guy was long gone. Snow suddenly began to fall from the sky. Matthew turned, and something in the window on display caught his attention. It was a flyer with a picture of a very unique diamond ring.
He slowly reached out and placed his hand on the window. As he stared at the photo of the ring, it all started to come back to him. He could feel the fear, anxiety, pain, and joy of that day all wrapped in one. Tears began to roll from his eyes. He couldn’t move. He had to go back in time and face that day so that he could finally move forward. The moment had finally arrived. What happened to Matthew all those years ago? Are you ready? Good! Now, hold your breath. We’re about to dive beneath the surface and unlock the lost treasures of that night. Don’t worry, though…I’ll let you know when you can breathe again!
TO BE CONTINUED
© Grayson Rose 2025. All rights reserved.
