“I’m in my bed, and you’re not here. And there’s no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands. Forget what I said. It’s not what I meant, and I can’t take it back. I can’t unpack the baggage you left. What am I now? What am I now? What if I’m someone I don’t want around? I’m falling again. I’m falling again. I’m falling.”
-Harry Styles (Falling)
January 2027
Matthew stepped off the elevator, holding some flowers, a balloon, and a card. His heart was filled with joy to match the bright smile on his face. He walked down the long hallway of the hospital with a swag in his step that had been missing for a long time. He’d spent nearly every day at the hospital by Noah’s side.
His life felt nearly complete. He had his memory back and Noah had once again claimed his heart. All was right in the world again. In his mind, nothing could ever come between them again. Only his past transgressions had come back to haunt him, and he had no idea.
He entered the room to find the bed empty. All the gifts, cards, and balloons people had sent over the last few months were gone. Vivian walked out of the bathroom holding a bag. She looked more fragile than she did at Thanksgiving. Her illness was starting to show signs of its progression.
“Where’s Noah,” he asked her.
She responded casually, “Hello to you, too.”
Matthew smiled and hugged her, “I’m sorry. Hey Mama Vivian.
She smiled and shook her head, “What am I gonna do with you? Noah went home early this morning.”
“Who’s with him? He shouldn’t be himself. I’ll call MJ and see if he needs me to grab anything,” he said as he struggled to put the items down and pull out his cell phone.
Vivian knew just how much Matthew loved Noah. She had watched him go through the hurt of losing Noah after the suicide attempt. She could only hope he would be able to handle things better this time around.
She grabbed hold of Matthew’s arm, “He’s not alone. He’s in good hands, Matty.” Her words pierced through Matthew’s heart like a dagger.
Slowly, the life drained from Matthew’s face as the realization occurred. Noah had made his choice and he picked Blair. No matter how many times Noah and Matthew had broken up over the years, it never seemed to hurt any less. In fact, each breakup hurt more than the last one.
“I don’t understand,” Matthew mumbled. “I’m his husband. He chased me and begged me to remember our past, and now I remember, and he picks Blair. Why would he do that to me?”
Vivian sighed. “I’m sorry, Matty,” she said as she placed her hand lovingly on his face.
“No. If he wants to end things with me, then he’s going to have to do it face-to-face. The hell with this. I’m not giving up on what we had and what we have.” Matthew’s eyes watered as he made his intentions clear.
Vivian knew there was no stopping him. She had written Matthew off as the one for Noah when it seemed like he’d never remember, but seeing him ready to fight for Noah made her rethink her stance on their relationship.
According to MJ, the family was back at Noah’s brownstone in NYC. Matthew made the journey from MGH in Boston to NYC. By the time Matthew arrived in NYC, it was already dark out. He stormed up the front steps, knocked on the door, and rang the bell. The door opened, and he was suddenly face-to-face with the man who had stolen his husband.
Blair asked, “Matthew, what are you doing here?”
“Where’s my husband,” he asked as he looked past Blair, “Monty?”
“Now is not a good time. He’s resting.” Blair stood his ground, making it clear that Matthew wasn’t going to see Noah.
Calmly, Matthew stated, “Listen, Blair, you’re a nice little guy, but you’re wasting your time. Noah and I always end up together. You can’t keep us apart.”
Blair narrowed his eyes and said, “Any chance you had of being his endgame vanished when he woke up from his coma and recalled you had an affair with someone.”
The words hit Matthew harder than anything he’d ever experienced. That was the last thing he was expecting to hear come out of Blair’s mouth. Noah had recovered his repressed memories of the affair Matthew had behind his back.
Matthew stuttered, “I-I-ne-need to speak with m-my husband.”
A big part of Matthew wanted to rush past Blair. He wanted to force his way in and make Noah face him and have a conversation. This other part of him knew that Noah would only resent him more if he tried to force him into a conversation. He was torn apart, and the one person that could heal him wanted nothing to do with him.
“He doesn’t want to see you. All he wants is a divorce and to move on with his life peacefully.” Blair tried to sound as tactful as possible.
Matthew shouted, “I want to talk to him!” The anger rushed from his body through his voice.
Blair was about to say something else when he felt a touch on his shoulder. It was MJ! Matthew and MJ had not had a deep conversation about things. They had been surface with one another following the kiss MJ shared with Ishmael.
“I’ll talk with him,” said MJ. He owed Matthew a conversation; it was time to see where things stood.
Blair went back inside the house, and MJ came, stood outside, and faced Matthew. Anxiety ran through MJ’s body. He was nervous about how things might go, but he knew he needed to finally face the music and truly apologize for the hurt and pain he caused Matthew.
MJ said, “You have to give him some time and space. He loves you, but I think he just needs time. He really needs some time. Eventually, he’ll forgive you. That’s what you guys do.”
“He tell you to come out here and say that,” Matthew asked.
MJ shook his head, “No. I figured I owed you. I broke up your marriage, and I’m so sorry for that.”
“I appreciate you apologizing, but my marriage was doomed the moment your dad found me at that book signing. I couldn’t get him off my mind. Your transgressions with Ishmael just gave me the strength and courage to face all my fears. I forgive you, MJ. You’re my son, and I love you.”
A heavy tear rolled down MJ’s face. He quickly wiped the tears away. He didn’t realize until Matthew said that all he had ever wanted was for his biological father to want him. Matthew pulled his son into a big and warm hug.
MJ sobbed in his arms, “I love you too, pops.”
“Pops,” Matthew asked as he pulled away. “ I could get used to that,” he said with a smile.
The two of them were far more alike than they had ever realized. Each one of them harbored a secret from the people they loved. Fearful that the reveal would have far more lasting damaging effects than either one was willing to risk.
Matthew left MJ and walked the streets of New York for what felt like hours. Eventually, he found his way to a bar. He took a seat and began to drown his sorrow in the sweet release that came from Vodka. He kept thinking about various parts of his past with Noah. He wished he could go back in time to when they first got together to warn their younger selves of all the stupid shit they would do. Just so they could be prepared to never give up on one another. The early days were, in fact, the glory days. One day in particular stood out in Matthew’s mind.
May 2006
Prom had been a sweeping success, and Noah was still riding the high. He and Matthew had finally made love, and it was everything he had ever hoped for, plus more. There was a knock at the bedroom door.
“Come in,” Noah called out.
The door opened, and Uncle Bobby peeked into the room. He gave Noah a funny look. He could see the glow on his nephew and loved it. He was proud of who Noah was turning out to be. He was no longer that little fragile, confused kid. He was a young man living life on his terms.
“I’m going to take your mother out for breakfast. She wanted you and Matthew to come with us. I’ll tell her you’re still tired, and well, I can’t find that Matthew boy,” Uncle Bobby said with this all-knowing smile on his face.
Noah blushed,” I think he went for a morning run. Yeah, a morning run. I saw him when I fixed a glass of water earlier.”
Uncle Bobby cut his eyes, “Right. I’m sure he’s running a marathon these days. Be back in a few hours. Be safe.”
The second the bedroom door closed, Matthew stepped out of the closet in his fitted boxer briefs. They both giggled, and Matthew jumped on the bed. For months he had been hoping he and Noah would work things out and end up together. Now that they had finally consummated their relationship and declared their love, there was no going back. They were certain that they would be together forever and ever.
“You think he knew I was in here,” Matthew asked as he looked into Noah’s eyes with a gentle love and care that only he could give.
“No, I think we’re okay. Now kiss me,” said Noah as he pulled Matthew closer to him.
As Uncle Bobby and Vivian were getting ready to leave, she asked, “Where are the boys?”
“Girl, they fucking,” he said with a laugh.
“What? Oh no, no, no. We have to go stop them,” she said.
“They are eighteen. They have hormones, Viv, and most importantly, they are in love and happy. Let them be. Besides, we both know they fucked on prom night. Let them figure out their lives. We can’t protect them from everything. We can only be there when they need us,” he told her as they stepped out of the house.
Matthew and Noah lay next to one another, kissing on one another and exploring each other with soft touches. Matthew ran his hand along Noah’s inner thigh. Every touch made them both want the other more and more. It was like their bodies were calling out to one another.
Matthew breathed, “I can’t stop touching you.”
Noah whispered in his ear, “Good. I don’t want you to ever stop.”
“I want to be inside you again. Can I slide inside of you, Monty,” he asked with a blush.
“You don’t ever have to ask. I’m yours, Mateo. Just take me.”
Those words were like magic. Matthew pulled Noah onto his lap. They had fucked six times now, but for some reason, each time was still like the first time. Their bodies still danced with nerves and anxiety. It was only when they looked into one another’s eyes that they found peace and comfort.
Their lips connected for a passionate kiss. Noah grind his body against Matthew’s body. Matthew slapped him on his ass cheeks and pulled Noah’s underwear down. He then took his finger and ran it across Noah’s puckered hole.
Noah slid down Matthew’s body and came to a stop right at his clothed swollen cock. He pulled Matthew’s underwear down, revealing his swollen member. It was absolute perfection. The most brilliant cock ever made. He took every inch of it into his mouth.
“Monty, that feels so good. Suck my cock, bae,” Matthew breathed passionately.
Noah worked his lips up and down Matthew’s heavy cock. His tongue was like a snake moving around the shaft and flicking across those perfect heavy balls. He loved the taste of Matthew’s nectar and skin. The smell was like a powerful drug that he never wanted to give up.
Matthew kicked his underwear completely off. He spread his legs to give Noah more access. Noah moved his tongue across Matthew’s thighs. He moved lower and pushed Matthew’s legs further apart. Noah’s tongue rolled across Matthew’s taint. It was a new and powerful feeling.
“OH MY GOD,” Matthew moaned loudly.
Noah giggled, “Don’t be loud, or I’ll stop.”
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare stop. Do it again, Monty.”
Noah went back to working on Matthew’s taint. Each lick was more powerful and pleasurable than the last. Matthew lay there and let the feelings run through his body. He wondered if anyone else could ever make him feel this good. He wanted to return the favor. He lifted Noah and kissed him, and then rolled him on his back.
He kissed his way down Noah’s body. His tongue ran across his dark thighs and then along the length of his shaft. Noah’s breathing increased as he started to run hot with lust and anticipation. Matthew worked his way down, making sure he licked Noah’s nut sack.
He lifted Noah’s leg, exposing his hole to him. He stuck his tongue out and began to give very light and slow licks around the ring of Noah’s rosebud. It was a slow build. With each passing minute, the licks became more powerful and intense.
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“That feels so good, Mateo,” Noah panted.
Hearing those words only made Matthew want to please him even more. He pushed his tongue inside of Noah and turned it. He tried to touch every inch of Noah’s insides. He could feel the pulsing in Noah’s ass on his tongue. He pushed his tongue deeper inside of him, and then he slapped both of his ass cheeks.
“Slap my ass again,” Noah begged.
Matthew smiled at the revelation, and he honored Noah’s request. He slapped him on the ass again. It was like a switch was flipped. Noah wanted and needed dick inside of him. More specifically, he needed Matthew’s dick inside of him.
“I want to ride the fuck out of you,” Noah screamed.
Matthew giggled, “Monty, you’re so naughty. I love it.”
Noah pushed him on his back. He wasted absolutely no time in easing himself down on Matthew’s cock. The long dick slid inside of him with ease. They both let out a whimper of a moan. Noah went all the way down until he was sitting on Matthew’s lap.
“Fuck you’re so tight,” Matthew exclaimed with joy.
Matthew palmed Noah’s ass in his hands. The muscles inside of Noah’s anus wrapped themselves around his cock and took him for a drive. Matthew held on for dear life as Noah fucked him. The bed squeaked as Noah bounced up and down on his flagpole.
His cock was soaking wet from the moisture forming in Noah’s ass. Matthew rolled him on his side and took over the fucking. He fucked him hard and fast. His balls pounded into Noah’s backside, making those dark and lovely ass cheeks clap with each stroke. He placed his hand on Noah’s hip and held him tight. He fucked him long and deep. He kissed and sucked on his neck as he hammered his backside into oblivion.
“Mateo, you’re so fucking big,” Noah moaned.
“You like my big dick,” Matthew asked as he fucked him deeper. He wanted his ego stroked.
“I fucking love it,” he replied.
Matthew growled, “I love this ass. You better not ever give this to anyone but me.”
“It’s only for you.” Noah sounded almost desperate but in a sexual way.
“Damn right, it is. Just like I’m only for you.”
He wanted to see Noah’s face. He put him on his back and fucked his gushy wet ass. His dick slid further and deeper into him. Their eyes locked, and they floated away together like two people high off the best drugs. Their bodies worked each other harder and harder. The pleasure elevated them beyond their wildest dreams. Then, they came together at the exact same time.
“Holy shit,” Matthew said as he collapsed next to Noah.
Noah laughed, “That felt so good. Wanna go again.”
Matthew sat up, “Are you trying to kill me?” He was both serious and joking.
“No, I just want to make sure your body responds to my touches and kisses. I want it to know me and only me for the rest of your life,” Noah said as his finger slowly traced a line down Matthew’s chest.
Matthew smiled, “Rest of my life? I like the way that sounds. I love you so much, Monty.”
Noah kissed him, and then he moved down and took Matthew’s wet, fat, and sensitive cock into his mouth. The surge of pleasure was both amazing and terrifying.
Matthew rolled his eyes, “Oh my fucking God, baby!”
Those early days of love were the most purest of days. It's funny how quickly life can change at the drop of a dime.
July 2014
Life was going well for Noah and Matthew. They were happily in love and back in Alabama for the summer at the lake house with Matthew’s family. Noah was in the guest bedroom on his laptop. Matthew walked into the room looking sweaty and hot. He began to strip out of his clothes.
“I finished mowing the lawn. I can’t believe mom forgot to pay the mowers to come and take care of the yard,” Matthew said as he placed his clothes in the hamper.
Without looking up from the laptop, Noah said, “That’s good, babe.”
Matthew smiled to himself. He knew Noah wasn't paying him any attention at the moment. He walked over and took the laptop from him.
“What are you doing? I’m working,” Noah stated as he reached for the laptop.
Matthew replied, “We are on vacation. Be present with me. Also, I’m horny. Come on, let's fuck in the shower.”
Noah asked as he pushed him away, “That’s how you ask for it now? Where’s the romance and passion?”
“I’m going with spontaneity,” Matthew said with a charming yet alluring smile.
“You are full of shit, sir,” Noah said playfully.
Matthew said, “Nope. I let it all out this morning. It was a big load.”
Repulsed, Noah said, “Oh my God! TMI. I don’t wanna hear about that.”
“I’m just saying it’s clean for when you eat my ass. Now come on, Monty. I wanna get fucked in the shower!” Matthew knew what he was doing. He knew just how to push Noah’s button to get him worked up, bothered, and horny. He liked having him worked up over petty things. It made the sex all the better, and the release was always perfect.
Noah slapped him on the ass and said, “You nasty bitch! Get your ass in the shower, and you better take every inch of my dick without complaining.”
Matthew giggled with glee and said, “Yes, sir.”
That evening, Matthew and Noah joined the family for dinner. Everyone was having a good time laughing and drinking. Rosa was in the middle of telling everyone a funny story, or so she thought.
“So, the entire time I’m trying to unlock the phone, and I can’t for the life of me remember putting a passcode on the damn thing. I try everything I can think of. Finally, I just say the hell with it. I go down to that Apple place and I get a new phone and demand for them to not infringe on my privacy by sneaking a code on my phone. Suddenly this morning, it hit me that I put the damn code on the phone, and I remembered it. Talk about having a blonde moment as an older woman.”
Everyone just laughed along with her. There’s something about what she’s saying that didn’t sit well with Noah. He looked over at Matthew and nodded his head from him to follow him. They excused themselves from the table and took a walk down towards the lake away from the house.
“Everything okay,” Matthew asked.
“I didn’t want to say anything at the house, but I think we should have a neuro specialist consult with Mama Rosa.” Noah tried to remain calm as he relayed his thoughts to Matthew.
Matthew nervously giggled, “Why, because she forgot her phone passcode?”
“Yes, and she forgot to pay the mowers. Plus, she said something to me a few days ago, and the story has changed some. I just want to make sure everything is fine. I saw this episode of Grey’s Anatomy once-”
Matthew interrupted, “Grey’s Anatomy? Seriously? You know Shonda Rhimes isn’t a real fucking doctor, Noah. It’s a show made to be dramatic, and honestly, you are playing the role of a guest star right now.”
“I’m trying to help. My mother is a doctor, Matthew.” Noah took offense to Matthew’s statement.
Matthew shouted, “She fixes ugly people! That’s nowhere near being a brain specialist, Noah!”
“That is such a crass thing to say. My mother helps people, and believe it or not; real doctors actually consult on that show. I love Rosa and I just want to make sure she’s good.”
“Well, she’s not your mother, is she? You’re not even her son-in-law because you are waiting for every queer to have the right to marry one day. I’m her son, and if something is wrong with my mother, I’ll be the one to figure it out and see it. That’s my job. She’s fine. Everything is fine, Noah. Now, can we go back and finish dinner and forget this whole thing.”
With a face of stone, Noah responded with, “Whatever you say. Your family. Your rules. I’m just a guest here.”
Matthew reached out to touch him, “Noah.”
Noah pulled back, turned, and walked away. There was nothing else left to say or discuss. Matthew had made it clear how he felt. He was scared of the idea that something could be wrong with his mother. She was his last remaining parent. His intentions were never to push Noah away, but that’s exactly what he had just begun to do.
April 2027
It was a typical day in the big city. Matthew and MJ walked inside the café. From the outside, it looked like a tiny building, but inside, the space was massive. There was a stage, and a young Latino guy was playing, sitting in a chair, singing “Falling”- by Harry Styles.
The young guy looked across the room, and his eyes met MJ's. It was at that moment MJ felt what Noah had felt when he first met Matthew. This young, beautiful man stole MJ’s breath away.
Matthew whispered in his son’s ear, “I know that look anywhere. It’s how I felt the first time Noah smiled at me in that chemistry class the day we met. He took my breath away and gave me life all in the same moment.”
MJ’s heart lit up. He knew he had to meet this young man. There was something special about him that couldn’t be ignored. Could it be love at first sight?
“Why are we here,” MJ asked.
“Your dad used to love coming here. The owner is getting old, and I made an offer and bought the place. I’m gonna turn it into a jazz café and call it Monty’s.”
Matthew’s phone rang. He started smiling and showed it to MJ. Noah was calling. He felt butterflies in his stomach. MJ knew Matthew had been waiting for Noah to come around and finally start speaking to him again.
“Hello,” Matthew said as he answered the phone with a touch of joy.
MJ watched as Matthew’s face went from a smile to one of shock and then to one of sorrow. He knew something was wrong. Matthew hung up the phone, and his eyes filled with tears.
“Pops, what’s wrong?” MJ asked with a worrisome tone.
“It’s Vivian. She died,” Matthew said as he pulled his son into a hug.
MJ broke into sobs as he hugged his pops. Matthew held his son tight, and though he was comforting his son, he was worried about Noah. It took nearly 23 years, but death had finally claimed both of Noah’s parents.
TO BE CONTINUED
© Grayson Rose 2025. All rights reserved.
