Trapped In A Thought Bubble
Thinking about my feelings is so hard right now because I don’t even know how to think about this whole situation because everything tells me that you fall in love with someone after knowing them for so long, not meeting them on a plane to London from Sydney and doing everything with them like we have known each other since birth.
I didn’t think that the situation could be that frustrating. Still, it gives me a whole new understanding of why Jake has struggled with his sexuality and dealing with everything that comes from it despite him being in love with Tyler. I wish it could be easy just to ask my brother all about the feelings, but I don’t even know if Ollie feels that way about me, although the fact that he wanted to shave his chest and put his nipple rings for me tells me something about his feelings.
I get up off the bed and put some proper clothes on to go down to breakfast even though I don’t exactly feel like eating a lot because my stomach is churning with nerves and just general anxiety because as stupid as it sounds, I know that I will see Ollie before I leave for the rest of Europe but it just feels weird because part of me is scared that I won’t ever see him again and never get to act on the feelings.
Putting on a Sydney FC jersey and some pants, I head down to breakfast as I see the old man in the room next door who I say good morning to, but he stops me. “Listen, young man… I don’t want to imagine what was going on in your room last night, but it would be nice to get some sleep at a decent hour, you know… Not everybody wants to hear your sexual proclivities… maybe some consideration because we’re paying for the room, too,” he says as I nod my head.
“I do apologise… we did get carried away and I promise nothing will disturb you going forward,” I say, trying to make amends and put my hand out as a genuine apology which he looks at my hand dubiously as if he’s going to pick up some rare condition but shakes it and takes my apology for what it is.
Heading down to breakfast, I look at the time and see that it’s a decent time, and I need to talk to Mum because I promised her that I would as I sent her a message.
Me: “Hey Mum… did you want to ring me now or?”
I sit there waiting for a response while I sit there and eat breakfast before my phone buzzes as I think that it’s going to be either Mum, Jake or even Ollie as I’m sitting there looking out the window, which doesn’t have the most exciting view.
Tyler: “Hey Corey, hope London is treating you well and what a game… I know Jake has a lot for you to get but could you do me a huge favour and go to the Harry Potter shop and grab me this for his birthday; I’ll transfer you the $”
I laugh and realise how much Jake and Tyler were meant to be together because I got specific instructions from Jake to get the same thing as a surprise for Tyler for his birthday because they are only four days apart.
Me: “I’ll try but without spoiling anything… is there anything else you’d think he’d want?”
Tyler: He’s already asked you to get that for me didn’t he?”
Me: “🤐”
Tyler: “Of course he did… just surprise him for me”
It’s only a couple of minutes between Tyler texting me and Mum ringing me which is going to be interesting given that we didn’t exactly have the best conversation the last time we spoke on the phone.
Mum: “Hello Corey; How are you?”
The tone is already cold, almost like she’s disapproving of me being in London now, which I suppose she wasn’t exactly happy about before, but she was at least excited. Now, it doesn’t feel like she’s approving at all.
Me: “Doing good Mum, just having breakfast what’s happening at home? Are you on speaker phone?”
Mum: “Yes, well I am in the middle of cooking dinner”
Me: “Oh well if you wanted to ring me after, I forgot about the time difference”
Mum: “No no… I don’t want to upset your timetable since you wanted me to call you right now”
Me: “I did not, what I asked was were you ready to call me or just tell me because this way I wasn’t going to be out and about yet so nothing would interrupt but you can call me later if you want”
Mum: “We’re here now talking, what did you get up to yesterday? Do any of the tours or anything I suggested?”
Me: “Nah, I took my own time because I wanted to just do things and explore, you know, so that I don’t lose out on doing anything, you know, and just taking things in.
Mum: “That makes sense and I saw your pictures; Who took them? Be careful because give your phone to someone and they take it”
Me: “It’s all ok for me, I had a friend I know off Twitter that I hit up and he met me for an hour or two because he was free”
Mum: “Hmm, ok then”
Me: “What’s happening at home?”
Mum: “Not much, just the usual work situation and everything”
Me: “Well that’s alright I guess, nothing bad”
Mum: “Mostly…”
Me: “What do you mean by mostly?”
Mum: “Nothing… have you talked to your brother lately?”
Me: “Yeah, well we messaged after the Chelsea game last night… well this morning for you”
Mum: “Ah yeah… imagine if you had tickets for that”
Me: “I did”
Mum: “You did? I didn’t think you were getting to a Chelsea game?”
Me: “Yeah, 1 Chelsea, 1 West Ham & 1 Fulham”
Mum: “Oh right and the Museum”
Me: “Yeah, that’s happening today”
Mum: “That’s good”
Me: “Why did you ask me if I’d talked to Jake lately?”
Mum: “Just he’s not telling me something, I can kind of feel it and he said that he is going to spend most of his time staying with Tyler because it’s closer for work… but he’s not that far from here”
Me: “Maybe he doesn’t want to spend as much on Petrol or just wants to spend time and give himself space”
Mum: “I suppose, just with you overseas and him spending more time at Tyler’s all the time… just been thinking that maybe you all want to avoid me”
Me: “We’re adults Mum, I’m literally gone for 3 weeks that’s it so I’ll be back”
Mum: “Yeah I know it’s just…I don’t think you’ll get it; Once you and Jake have your own wives and kids you’d understand”
I roll my eyes hearing Mum say that because the way that she wants to stay ignorant like Jake and I are still kids is really annoying and I can tell that she is trying to put a hood over her head just to ignore the whole world and what’s happening in our lives.
Mum: “Well I’ll let you go, I don’t want to be a bother for you and you can ring me whenever or tell me, just not in dinner”
Hanging up the phone, the conversation with my mother leaves me more frustrated than it has because she’s carrying on like the world is against her and that we all hate her, which is the farthest thing from the truth, even if she is frustrating.
All Mum would ever talk about when we were growing up was how she didn’t want to be a helicopter parent at all because my Nan would hover over her and tell her what she can and can’t do, but now that Jake’s 25 and I’m 22, it’s regressed to us being back like we’re 10 and can’t be trusted.
I finish up breakfast and sit there having another glass of “Freshly Squeezed” Orange juice, which really was just the hotel staff putting a 2L bottle into a glass juice dispenser and then making out that they just used a proper juicing machine.
Getting up my messages app, I sit there and wonder if I should text Ollie or not, thinking that I’m being too clingy and annoying if I send one, but then at the same time if I don’t send one, then am I looking like that I don’t care.
Just as I look, I get a notification “Flight Guy Ollie and 5+ others just posted a story”, which gets me excited, and I have a look as he posts a picture of himself and the plane that he is taking over to Delhi which is an A350-1000 and a short video.
I then decide to send the message even if he doesn’t see it until he lands.
“Enjoy the flight Mr Handsome Flight Attendant”, I say as I get a reply with a heart and a kiss emoji.
Walking up to the room, my emotions are still acting in a strange way because I’m totally confused about what I need to feel about the situation because Mum seems to be annoyed that Jake wants to live his own life and even though she is saying that he’ll have a wife, I mean the signs are there that him and Tyler are a couple and you’d have to be the most ignorant person ever. Then, putting myself into the situation, I always thought that I was straight, but having met Ollie, who I know that I’ve fallen in love with even after such a short time, has taught me that maybe the right person for me doesn’t have to be a woman and maybe it isn’t going to be Ollie but it could be someone like him.
Laying back on my bed, I see it’s still only 8:43 am as I lay there and think about everything, and just punch the pillow because I knew that I was going to be ok here alone, but now I’m anxious about everything even though I know that at 12:30 I’ve got the Chelsea Tour and Museum so I at least know what I’m going to do, but otherwise I don’t have a set plan.
Sitting there, I know that I need to talk about the situation, but I have no idea how or who I am going to talk about things but just don’t know who I have because I can’t let Ollie know how I feel; I don’t want to say anything to my brother so the only option is to talk to Tyler, but even though we are sort of close I don’t know if we’re good enough friends to bring up something like this even though I’ve known him for the whole time they’ve known each other.
Eventually, I skip over talking about the situation again because I don’t even know what to say to anyone and just keep my Sydney FC jersey on and go for a walk before looking at a few more sights before going to Stamford Bridge again and being there for the tour.
If the game was one of the best experiences that I have ever had, then the tour is absolutely phenomenal, and the fact that I’m in what I think is the greatest Football ground in the world (even though it’s probably not) is I look around and just take in the experience.
After finishing the tour and the museum, I’m here for hours just taking in everything like I’ve hit the holy land because, for years of late nights and early wake-ups, the thought of being here is amazing as opposed to somewhere I can go every second week like at home because my favourite Rugby League team plays at the same home ground as my favourite football team.
Going through the shop, I spend a fortune just getting so many little things, but I saved up for this, so it doesn’t surprise me how much I spent, but it’s not all for me with my brother wanting so many things as well because it was the whole reason I made this trip when I did.
The afternoon flies by as I’m trying to keep my head clear of thinking about Ollie and reminding myself that I had plans that I made before I left to explore London and potentially meet people so I just keep reminding myself of that. It’s about 5:30 before I get back to the hotel, as it takes me forever to leave Stamford Bridge.
Even though it’s the middle of the night, I put the haul of stuff that I got today on the bed, including three Chelsea Jerseys (2 for me, 1 for Jake), Hats, Scarfs, and all sorts of memorabilia that I can take back home. I take pictures of it and send them to Jake hoping that he doesn’t have night shift again tonight so I’m not disturbing him.
Me: “You have no idea how much stuff that I bought today and how much you owe me for it”
I send with an attached picture of the stuff as I put it into the separate bag that I brought exclusively for new clothes and souvenirs, which I probably bought too much, but you don’t get to be in London too often when you live in Sydney and probably don’t earn enough to make the trip all that often you tend to overbuy and overspend.
My phone buzzes pretty quickly, and my brother’s name is lit up on the screen. I know he has a night shift again because of the fact that he replied to me pretty quickly.
Jake: “Damn, I know I told you to spend but not that much”
Me: “Haha, I know but once I got to the shop I just had to tear myself away from everything that I wanted”
Jake: “I could imagine”
I sit there umming and ahhing for a bit, typing out and deleting messages to my brother about wanting to talk to him about the situation that I’m in, but decide that I need to talk overall about things even if I’m just not hinting at the situation and refer more back to Mum’s conversation with me this morning.
Me: “I know you’re working but are you cool to ring me and talk? It’s not that important”
I sit there for a few minutes and take my shirt off thinking that I need to use the gym because I haven’t since I’ve been here and check that the hotel has a basic one so I start to change but my phone starts ringing with the ringtone that I have assigned especially for Jake.
Jake: “Hey bro, everything alright? What needs to be talked about?”
Me: “Hey bro, I just wanted to talk you about things generally with you and Tyler but more about Mum because I talked to her this morning and it was a total drama”
Jake: “Fuck sake, I’m so over that shit right now, she won’t tell me what the problem is right now”
Me: “I know, she was at me about you keeping a secret and do I know anything about why you are slowly moving in with Tyler”
Jake: “Here’s the reason… I’m in love with Tyler and want to live with my boyfriend before I propose to him when we go to Bali next year”
Me: “What? You’re going to propose?”
Jake: “Yeah, I mean I thought about it for a while and we are moving in together”
Me: “Oh yeah, I know but like why are you moving in with Tyler because it’s not that much closer to work and…”
Jake laughs as I say that because he knows what Mum would have gone on about.
Jake: “I can literally walk to the Metro station and then it’s 10 minutes to our new apartment”
Me: “What? You two got an apartment together?”
Jake: “Yeah, like you know how Jake lived with the flatmate we put our money together and got that apartment, that’s why we did it all slowly though because it was easier for me”
Me: “Bro… just tell Mum; I know its hard but we can’t not keep lying to her about our entire lives just to make her happy”
Jake: “You tell her to her face when you get back to Sydney”
Me: “Fuck sake bro… What are you going to do for the rest of your life? Mum just needs to know that you’re gay and want to live your own life. She just needs to know”
Jake: “Alright, but you’re going to be there when I tell her, ok? Make it a big deal”
Me: “Ok…just enjoy the rest of night shift, bro”
Jake: “I won’t… Corey… I love you, bro, and you’ve been amazing”
Me: ‘Thanks bro and yeah, you too”
“You’ll need to be when I talk to you properly,” I say, getting off the phone, still not being able to talk to him about the situation as the conversation turned more from me asking about my life to Mum’s complaining, which has become really annoying for all of us and for Jake in particular too scared to move out let alone tell Mum and the family that he’s gay.
I lay back as my mind is clouded by everything because if Jake is having so many problems after this long, and he knows for a fact that he is gay and into guys, then what hope do I have when I don’t know what or who I am.
Laying on the bed, I check Flight Radar and see that Ollie’s flight is still 2 and a bit hours from landing, so all I can do is just keep looking at it and even then, he’s not going to be free to talk to me for a while if he wants to.
Taking a quick shower, I’m pretty tired, so I just order a “Steak Ciabatta” and fries with a bottle of Coke and just lay on the bed seeing what the best of London has on TV, which doesn’t seem to be all that much different to home annoyingly.
It’s just after 10pm when I decide to turn off the TV and get a good night’s sleep because I don’t think the two nights gave me a proper sleep given how much sex I’ve had with Ollie and how late that I got home after the game didn’t really help especially with the early alarms.
Just laying there, I start to drift off as my phone buzzes, and I think about checking it, but then don’t before it bothers me not to check it as I think that when I check, it’s going to be nothing.
“Hey sexy… hope you had an amazing day even without me”
I smile as I see that it’s Ollie messaging me so it makes me happy as the room is dark but is lit up by my phone as I read the message and smile that one of the first thing he has done in Delhi is message me.
“Hey you, didn’t expect you to message me tonight, thought you’d be busy” I send back thinking that Ollie would have better things to do than just messaging me at this time of night in India.
Ollie’s reply is only a couple of minutes later as he wants to know if I’d be up for a video call, and I don’t say no to seeing his cute face again.
The video call takes a second to connect because the hotel Wi-Fi is acting up, but eventually, it wants to play the game, and it connects back, and I video call Ollie as he is lying on his own hotel bed as I can only see him from the shoulders up but can tell that he’s
Me: “Hey sexy, damn you are looking good”
Ollie: “I know that I am but how about you looking so damn good as well”
I blush a bit as Ollie laughs seeing me blushing or at least getting embarrassed by him telling me how good I look.
Me: “Like I said, I thought that you’d be doing something other than talking to me at whatever hour that it is over there”
Ollie: “I’d just got to the hotel because we were late leaving and late getting in so just had a shower and had something to eat before laying down here and wanting to see how my favourite Aussie in London is”
Me: “So I’m guessing you didn’t meet anyone on the plane with to hook up with?”
Ollie laughs, feigning interest and shock that I would say something like that at all, even if he knows I’m joking.
Ollie: “Oh… are you calling me a slut Corey lastname I don’t know? I’m not a slut… anymore”
I laugh hard as he says that, knowing that he’s got a long history, and it doesn’t really bother me even though I know everyone has a past, and mine is really short in comparison to most people my age.
Me:” Well you have a track record of meeting guys on a plane then fucking them within 48 hours”
Ollie laughs as I say that and nods his head, but then he shrugs and blows me a kiss, right to my joke.
Ollie: “Only the amazing ones”
Ollie: “So tell me about your day, I saw your pictures of being at the Chelsea Musuem and spending too much on sports shit”
Me: “Yeah was really good, started off awkward because Mum rang and that’s becoming a whole clusterfuck of a situation because she’s all upset about everybody leaving her and that my brother is moving out”
Ollie: “Wow… that is something”
Me: “Yeah, I mean I talked to him earlier because he was on night shift again and he’s just frustrated because he’s moving into a new apartment with Tyler and that Mum can’t understand everything”
Ollie: “Ah make that’s sense but how old did you say he was?”
Me: “He’s 25, he wants to live with his boyfriend which is only natural and he said that he wants to propose in the next 12 months”
Ollie: “That’s amazing, I mean not many people get to have that sort of love in their life where it’s genuine and know what they want”
Me: “Exactly and I always used to doubt why that it could be so hard but talking to him and now Mum on my case simply for being in London I totally get why everything has been so hard for him”
Ollie: “Yeah, it’s not exactly an easy experience with this whole situation he finds himself in, but ultimately love finds it’s way through”
Me: “Yeah I guess… just a hard way to deal with everything in life I guess”
Ollie: “Pretty much, the way is to live through it which isn’t the best advice that I’ve ever given out but if anyone knows anything better then they can teach me”
Me: “Well this is a lot more serious than I imagined at this time of night”
Ollie: “Yeah, but hey friends have serious talks other than just having sex”
I feel special right now that he says that we are friends because as much as I know that we have become friends, it does make it special that he says that to me.
Me: “Ok good to know… so what are you doing in Delhi?”
Ollie: “Nothing… I’m laying in the hotel room with nothing to do because it’s like 2am waiting for food because I’m starving then going to sleep”
Me: “Ah, makes sense why you’re not asleep but let me guess, you’re not wearing anything other than maybe a towel?”
Ollie moves his camera down as he is clearly laying in bed just in the towel as he sneakily opens the towel and I can see his cock semi-hard there with his beauty in the light as he puts the camera over his body and I feel my cock hardening.
Ollie: “Your turn sexy”
I put my camera down as I’m just lying in my sleep shorts, and Ollie lets out a groan.
Ollie: “Oh, you’re sleeping with shorts on”
Me: “Yeah… it’s how I always do it”
Ollie: “Come on, you’re on holiday… and I just showed you off my goods”
I shrug and lower my shorts down taking everything off as my cock now getting hard as I feel embarrassed, and Ollie looks at me through the video.
Ollie: “Ooh yeah, I hope you’re going to jerk that cock hard and fast once we’re done talking, milking it, thinking about it going deep in my tight hole like you did last night or maybe you want to be thinking about your little inner slut with me fucking you hard on my bed and making you cum”
My cock jumps as I struggle to not get hard as Ollie looks at me and keeps talking to me dirtily as I tell him to stop, but I can’t get him to shut up.
Ollie: “You know how much you love having sex with me, you know you’re just a dirty little gay slut Corey, especially once you get with me you melt and do what I want”
I’m jerking my cock with one hand as I didn’t plan on masturbating tonight, but I can’t help it as my cock continues to get harder than I think it has when I’ve been on my own as I try to compose myself as I show Ollie my cock as he laughs.
Ollie: “That my fault? Oopsie”
Me: “Fuck you… you knew what you were doing”
Ollie just shrugs his shoulders as I say that with a cheeky smile and tells me his food has arrived so that he gets up to go and get it before telling me he’s going to eat it and then go to bed before flying out tomorrow back home.
The two of us finish the conversation as I laugh and log off, looking at the time as I laugh and think so much for my early night as Ollie sends me a quick picture of his rock-hard cock to tease me, and my cock is leaking so much pre-cum right now.
I start slowly jerking my cock and get up some porn on my phone, but for the first time, I get up a fully gay porn video as I watch two college jocks fucking each other. The fact that I’ve done what they are doing before makes it easier to watch and makes me feel better about watching something like this right now.
Running my hands down my body, I play with my nipples, thinking about how good it feels like when Ollie runs his hand over my body, and I’m actually toying with the idea of getting my nipples pierced like the way Ollie has because they are absolutely amazing and so hot to look at.
My hands run over my full balls, which I don’t understand how they can be so filled with cum given how much I’ve blown in recent days with all the sex that I’ve had with Ollie as I slowly jerk it before picking up the speed. I move one hand away to my chest and start to slowly push a single finger into my hole as I close my eyes just thinking about Ollie as the sounds of the porn fill the room, and I think of it as me and Ollie going at it.
The thought of being fucked again is the thing that I want the most for the remainder of my trip to London, but I want to make sure that it’s Ollie who does it as that’s all I’m picturing as my eyes are still closed until I feel my cum bursting out over my chest and up onto my face as my body shudders as the loads keep coming.
I have to wipe my face before opening my eyes and seeing how much hot white cum there is as I look down at the load that’s everywhere right now and wipe myself off washing myself off before going to bed.
Getting to sleep doesn’t take me long to fall asleep, but still, my mind is racing through all the thoughts in my mind as I just wish life could be easy because Mum is fretting over me being in London and making Jake move in with Tyler a bigger deal than it needs to be. The thoughts of Jake thinking that it’s easier for him to plan his proposal 12 months in advance than to tell Mum that he and Jake are moving in together as a proper couple when he shouldn’t even be worried.
I think about it in my situation where as I don’t even know what the fuck is going on in my life because I love Ollie and have no idea whether he loves me back or I’m just a fling while I’m here, and I am overthinking the whole situation because what happens when I go back to Sydney and Ollie is still in London.
Whatever the situation is, I’m going to be learning a lot, not just about myself but about the world and how there is never a perfect situation.
I want you all to help me build how the story finishes, I would love to know how you want to see things play out in little bits, like should Corey get his nipples pierced like Ollie has? Let me know in the comments.
