3
“Grandma, can I play with the record player?”
“Kid you can do whatever you want,” Barb Affren said.
As Rob ran off, Barb said, “He can do whatever he wants because he always drops the great and just calls me grandma. Makes me feel seventy again.
“And,” she added, while her granddaughter chuckled, “he likes the record player. Everything old is new again. Including me.”
“You’re not old, Grandma,” Meredith said.
Barb looked at her.
“Either you’re stupid, or you think I am. Pick one.”
Barb sighed, “When you were Rob’s age, there was no everything is old is new again. Everything was just old. I was so concerned about getting old. Now, I’m totally there, and I realize it doesn’t matter.
“Your father came by this morning. And your stepmother. I think they wanted to check to see if I hadn’t lost my marbles yet.”
“They just worry about you living here alone.”
“I’ve been living here along for well over a decade. Where do they want to put me?”
“Nell keeps on thinking it would be nice for you to live with them.”
“I guess they think it’s better than a home.”
“Well, it is, Grandma.”
“Mere, you don’t get it. But one day you will. Any home that isn’t your own is a place you don’t want to be. Not after you’re used to running your own place. You’re a very smart girl, Meredith. Most of the time. But not all of the time.
“Did you think it wouldn’t get back to me? Rossford’s a small town.”
“It’s not that small.”
“I’m a nosey woman. And I still go to Mass. That new priest isn’t much to speak of, but the gossip train’s as good as ever. I thought you and I were so much alike—except I was prettier when I was your age—”
“What?”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Barb said. “You’re very pretty, Merry. But… me… Oh, man. I was the cat’s pajamas. And titties too!” Barb cackled with remembering. “Titties for days.
“But back to you: what the hell was going through your head to quit Mathan? I wanted a black great-grandbaby. I wanted a Houghton great-grandbaby I just knew it was going to happen.”
“Well, nothing was going to happen, Grandma. It was all getting really old. Plus… I met someone else.”
“Yes,” Barb said, turning her a basilisk stare. “I heard… “A fucking criminal!”
The two of them looked at each other nervously. “I should probably talk first,” Tom said.
Dylan nodded.
“Well…” he began.
“I’m sorry, Dad!” Dylan spat out. “I’m so sorry for everything, and I was out of line. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry for hitting you,” Tom said, coming to the bed. “I’m sorry for losing my temper and everything.”
Dylan bowed his head, ashamed to look at his father, and kept nodding.
“I was just so scared,” Tom said. “And confused. I still am. And angry, Dylan.”
“I know.”
“Your father thinks you should stay here for a while,” Tom said. “He thinks that it’s no point in grounding you and moving you from house to house.”
Dylan nodded.
“He’s probably right,” Tom reflected. “I would get soft or something. Fenn’s not going to soften up.”
“No,” Dylan agreed. “He won’t.”
“I… I just want you to talk to me. I’m just… Dylan, I’m still upset. And afraid. You know we both are.”
“I’m always careful,” Dylan said.
“You shouldn’t be being careful. You shouldn’t be being anything. Except a normal kid.”
“Normal kids do what I do,” Dylan said. “They’re not just playing stickball or whatever. Kids are… having babies and using drugs and doing all sorts of stuff, and I’m not doing either one of those things.”
“But, Dylan… You were… Is it true you were going out and being with different people?”
Dylan snorted and then covered his mouth.
“I didn’t mean it,” Dylan said. “It’s just… your euphemisms, Dad.”
“I would prefer for them to be euphemisms.”
“Me too,” Dylan agreed.
“Look, Dad. I don’t know what you think, but it was never tons of people. Just, it’s been more than one.”
“You’re fifteen, that’s one too many. Two too many.”
“Yes,” Dylan said, patiently, “I’m sure that you’re right. But it’s in the past. I was curious. And sometimes I was angry. And sometimes I was in love, and I am in love and I am committed to one person, so I’m not going to be doing any of that stuff anymore. I promise.”
“Well…” Tom said, at a loss. “You still have to be grounded.”
“Yes, I figured that.”
“And we still have to figure out what happens in the future.”
“I know.”
“Dylan, we love you,” Tom touched his hand. “And we’re just trying to do right by you. We just… you need boundaries. Children—and you’re not a child, you’re a young adult. I get that. But people need boundaries. My parents gave me lots of boundaries, and I always felt really loved, but we haven’t really put that many on you.”
“So this is like… extra, extra love?”
“Yes,” Tom said with a smile, and when Dylan realized that his sarcasm had gone completely over his father’s head, he understood why Fenn had insisted that his punishment take place here, under his eye.
“Hello!” Kirk Hanley sang.
“Kirk, it’s Fenn.”
“Heya, Fenn. What’s going on? Is everything alright?”
“Everything’s fine,” Fenn said. “I had started a conversation with your other half, and I was wondering if he was around.”
“Paul!” Kirk called, and then he said, “Here he comes.”
“Thanks, Kirk.”
A moment later, Paul Anderson picked up the phone. “Hey, Fenn. What’s going on?”
“I cut you short on a conversation yesterday.”
“Was it only yesterday? I guess it was. Well, there were other things to attend to.”
“Yes,” Fenn allowed. “And now they have been attended to. So what’s going on with this—no one else is on the line are they?”
“No,” Paul said, his own voice hushed.
“Good. Well, then what’s going on with Noah?”
“Nothing. I mean nothing has happened. But we really haven’t hung out together or anything like that.”
“Was this just a passing thing, or do you still want what you said?”
“It was strictly a passing thing.” Paul waited a moment and then said, “With you and Tom…?”
“Yes?”
“Do you ever want him?”
“I had ten years of him.”
“Tom’s a good looking guy, though. And you all have some nice chemistry. I mean, you never think about sleeping with him?”
“Firstly, our chemistry isn’t that nice, and secondly, like I said, I had years of sleeping with Tom. I’ve already tasted that flavor, and it was younger and fresher when I had it. This is about you and Noah.”
“Well, I was only asking because Noah is in my past and Tom is in yours.”
“But I’m happy with Todd.”
“Are you saying I’m not happy with Kirk?”
“I’m not saying that at all. But is it what you’re saying?”
“Fenn, I’d almost think you’re twisting my words.”
“I’m just trying to be honest.”
“Honestly,” Paul said after a time. “Honestly, when I’m with him I think of how things might have been, in another world, where Noah was my guy. And when I think of Noah the memories are physical, because we have been together. I feel like if we could just do it once, then I might be over it.”
Fenn didn’t say anything, and when Paul realized he wasn’t going to, he said, “What would you do? If you were feeling this way about someone else, not necessarily Tom, but anyone else, what would you do?”
“I would tell Todd,” Fenn said simply. “And if things are really like this, you need to talk to Kirk.”
“So how do you guys feel about it?” Chad asked them.
He and Kenny were sitting in Claire and Julian’s house, across from their friends, the two men lightly touching hands and looking anxious.
“I think it’s great,” Claire said.
“Yeah,” Julian said.
“No, they don’t,” Chad looked at Kenny. “They’re still uncertain.”
“The truth is we’re a little indifferent,” Julian told them. Claire thought this was a crass confession, but it was more or less honest.
“It’s too new,” she added. “It’s new and you and Brendan weren’t that great, and you and Chad aren’t really that official so…”
“How do you like that?” Chad said, releasing Kenny’s hand. “After all this talk about the necessity of outness, it turns out no one gives a damn.”
Kenny yawned and pulled at Chad’s hand. “I’m tired,” he said.
“Is that a let’s go to bed yawn?” Chad smiled at him.
“Alright,” Julian rose up. “Take that shit out of here.”
“Closing time!” Claire sang. “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!”
When Chad and Kenny were gone, the phone rang and, on her way to pick it up, Claire said, “It’s Noah. Are all of our friends gay, or am I just imagining it? Hello,” she said, picking up.
“I need to talk to you and soon.”
“Is this a right now thing, or a tomorrow at lunch thing?”
“Oh, my God. I forgot I’m unemployed! I could never do lunch before. Well… no. It’s a right now thing.”
“Oh, alright. Okay.”
Claire put the phone to her chest. “This shit will probably actually be important,” she told Julian.
Claire gave her friend the ready: “Alright, Noah.”
“I love James,” Noah began.
“That’s good,” Claire told him. “Good… And hardly a dire confession.”
“The dire confession is about Paul.”
“My Paul?”
“Yes,” said Noah.
“Alright,” Claire nodded. “Spill.”
“See, I’ve been paying attention to us, lately. And… I think I love him too.”
“Meredith, things are crazy over here. We’ve got Brendan sleeping on our couch cause his stuff has fallen apart, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Chad ended up over here too,” Dena told her stepsister. “So, look, I am not trying to denigrate, downplay or any other thing that begins with the letter D your feelings, I’m just saying maybe, maybe, maybe, you should seriously reconsider your feelings for the men in your life.”
“Even Grandma thinks I’m crazy,” Meredith said, as she strapped her overnight bag on.
“That’s because Grandma isn’t senile,” Milo told her.
“Miles,” Dena said, quietly.
Milo let out a great sigh, and Meredith said, “I’m going over to visit Kip, and that’s it. I’m going over, and trust me to have some sense to do the right thing.”
The drive was nearly an hour, and now she was used to it. She hardly noticed the shapes of fences and the lines of trees in the dark. There was scarcely any moon out tonight and so after the headlights, it was only red taillights like cigarette butts that accompanied her. Now and again a yellow light came her way.
She parked the car, and put her hand over her chest. She got out of the car and came across the gravel to him.
“Merry,” he said, his voice soft.
“I’m here,” she said simply, putting her hands to his waist. She felt a gentle electric throb as she did that.
“I am here,” she repeated, firmly. “Let’s do this.”
“You…” Rick Ferguson shook his head as he buckled his belt. “Insatiable.”
Bryant sat on the side of the bed. He was pulling a tee shirt on over his chest, and Rick said, “They tell you that the older you get the more settled you get. And they say how you don’t care about sex or… any of that stuff anymore.”
Bryant stood up. He was pulling on jogging pants then picking up his trousers and shirt.
“That hasn’t happened to me. I haven’t changed. I’m just as restless as ever.”
“Yes,” Rick said, smiling at him in admiration. “You are. “I’m glad we finally decided to do this.”
“I am too.”
“I don’t know what we were waiting for.”
“You weren’t waiting for anything,” Bryant said, leaning against the lentil of the bedroom door. “Or… the only thing you were waiting for was me.”
“Well, what were you waiting for?”
“Something that’s not going to happen,” Bryant said, simply.
Nick seemed caught up short by this answer. His hands were on his tie, knotting it.
“Well… yes. When should we get together again?”
Bryant was thinking of saying something like, “We’ll get together when I say so,” But instead he said, “Tomorrow. Tomorrow in my office, on my floor, in my chair. Wherever.
“This thing is on,” he decided.
Nick stood looking at him.
“What?” Bryant said.
“I think I’m a little scared of you.” Bryant chuckled.
“No it isn’t. I’m deeply attracted to you and totally afraid. I want to kiss you, but I can’t do it without your permission.”
“Well, then you have my permission,” Bryant said.
Nick Ferguson stepped up to him. He cupped the planes of Bryant’s face and looked at him. Bryant looked younger than he was, and he was panting a little. His eyes looked like they were daring him. No time to think about it. Just kiss him. Kiss him like when they were making love, uninhibited, aggressive, inside of each other, hands over each other, bodies pressing.
“I don’t get tired of you,” Nick said. And then he said, “I gotta go.”
“Please tell Paul that this is a bad idea,” Claire said at her sister-in-law’s table.
“Whatever it is,” Shelley rounded the table, “it’s a bad idea.”
Paul gave her a hooked grin.
Then Shelley asked: “Now what is it?”
“What is what?” Matty entered the kitchen.
“There’s just no privacy left,” Paul said.
“There can be,” said Claire. “if you need it.”
“No, no!” Paul threw up his hands. “Alright, here we go. I have thought about—haven’t done it yet, but thought about— having an affair.”
Shelley leaned forward and slapped her brother-in-law in the back of the head.
“Ouch.”
“That’s my advice,” Shelley said. “Don’t do it.”
“It’s with Noah Riley,” Claire threw out.
“Oh, well, then definitely don’t do it,” Shelley warned.
“Let’s wait a minute,” Matty straddled the chair.
“Wait a minute for what?” Claire asked him. “What’s there to wait for?”
“Well, just this, Sis: Here we are; you, me, Shelley. We’ve all talked about this affair Paul wants to have. Has he talked about it with Kirk?”
Paul blinked at his brother.
“Have you?” Matty said.
“You got three kids with this guy, right? And didn’t you say—remember when you all first got together—that you would follow him anywhere. You were going to move back to California for this guy, but right now you’re seriously thinking of Noah, who has someone, doesn’t he? I mean, what the fuck inspired this?”
When Paul didn’t answer, Claire said, “He saw some old pictures of when they were together.”
Matty Anderson had never known about the porn. They had gone so long without talking about it that, one day, Claire and Paul just decided they never should. All Matty knew was that Paul and Noah had once been together, and wasn’t that enough?
“I don’t know if talking to Kirk’s the best idea,” Shelley said.
“Wouldn’t you want me to talk it over with you?” Matty said.
“Honestly? I’m not so sure, Matt. I don’t know that I’d want to hear that some other woman was looking good to you. I think I’d rather not hear about that. I think I’d just want you to do the right thing.”
“I think,” Claire said, “You might want to go talk to Noah himself. Really have it out.”
“Unless you think you’ll be too carried away by lust and just fuck him on the table top as soon as you see him,” Matty countered.
“You’re a fucking poet, you know that?” his wife said. Matty shrugged. “I’m just a humble country boy from East Carmel.”
