Fenn Does it
4
“But if this gets around it could be my job,” Noah said while James drove.
“Nothing’s gotten around, though.”
“How did Steven find it?” Chay leaned forward as they headed toward Shelley and Matt’s.
“They found it because it’s always there,” Noah told him. “It’s the Internet, and nothing goes away.”
“Well, yeah, but…” Chay sat back.
“Illumine us, Chay,” James said.
Out of patience, Noah said, “It doesn’t matter if he illumines us or not. I don’t need to know theories about why it’s out there, or how Steven found it. All that matters is it is out there, and if he can find one thing I did… Well, hell, think of the other things.”
Noah sat in his side of the car dejected, back pressed into the seat, his palm pressed to his forehead. His mouth was open in disgust and it was a while before he spoke.
“Chay, I am so sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not being the father I’m supposed to be.’
“Oh, Noah, hold on,” James started.
“And probably for not being the partner I should be,” Noah added.
“I was a selfish kid. I did so much that I didn’t know would come back on me, or come back on us.”
“And none of it ever has,” James said.
“When Chay started working for Casey—”
“Oh, Dad, let’s not go there.”
“We will go there,” Noah sat up.
“When you started working for Casey… you would never have done that if I hadn’t done what I had done.”
“Well, nothing bad came of it.”
Noah, who could still remember that Chay had been Casey’s lover, and could never forgive Casey for this, only said, “We disagree there, Chaylan.”
“Yeah,” Chay muttered. “I guess so. But it was my life and I don’t regret what happened with Casey.”
Then he added, “And neither should you. You shouldn’t regret the way things went.”
“And there are a lot of kids in a lot of trouble,” Chay went on, “raised by older parents and maybe wiser ones, and they didn’t turn out as all right as I did, so….” Chay couldn’t think of anything else to say. He sat back in the car.
“Now I’m finished. Only…”
“Only what,” James kept one eye on the road and one on the rearview mirror for his son.
“I still think there’s no natural reason Steven should have found anything you did in the past, Dad.”
“I agree,” James said.
“And I think you need to keep both eyes on the road,” Noah said. “Look, there’s the intersection. We’re almost at Shelley’s.”
“Will Paul and Kirk be there?”
“I hope so,” Noah said.
“Maybe they’ll have some idea about who’s behind this.”
“No one’s behind it,” Noah said. “It just happened.”
Chay, looking as little and sullen in the back seat as his father looked in the front, shook his head.
“Uh huh,” he disagreed. “I don’t believe it.”
“IS THIS THE SKINNY little brother who hardly made the baseball team for the East Carmel Hornets?” Paul wondered aloud as he entered the house that evening with Kirk beside him and the kids following.
Matty Anderson was the biggest of the Anderson siblings. The bulk had come after high school all through the first two years of college, and his embrace with Paul turned into an impromptu wrestling match.
“Gentlemen, Gentlemen!” Shelley cried, moving round them, her black dress accentuating her round belly.
“Is that my nephew in there?” Paul said
“No, it’s your nephew here!” Riley said.
“Riley,” Paul said, to Claire’s son, “there’s a new nephew right now, happening in your Aunt Shelley’s belly.”
“He’s going to be your nephew too?” Riley screwed up his face at the belly.
“And your cousin,” Shelley told the boy.
Riley turned around and asked Julian, “Dad, how’s that work?”
“You have to explain family trees to the boy,” Claire said to her husband, as she touched Riley’s red-brown curls.
From the basement a voice shouted, “Shelley, I went downstairs and brought this bottle up. But here’s some cider for you because—”
Bryant Babcock, on his way from the basement stopped talking when he saw the Anderson siblings, then said, “Claire, Paul. Hi, everyone.”
“I guess I’m everyone,” Julian murmured as Riley said, “Can I be everyone too?”
“Bryant,” Paul greeted him. “How have you been?”
Kirk stepped forward, to shake his hand, and with the other he shooed away Bennett, Elias and Matthew telling them, “Go help set the plates.”
“Setting plates is for girls,” Bennett said.
Claire raised an eyebrow and Bennett swallowed.
“I’ll go put those dishes out,” he said to his aunt.
“Good for you,” Claire released her nephew from her gaze.
“So,” Shelley said, linking arms with Paul and Bryant, and marching into the living room, “I want to know everything that’s going on.”
“Nothing going on at this end sister-in-law,” Paul said.
“Elias got accepted to Wallmer,” Kirk reminded him.
“That bougie school?” Julian said.
“It’s a good school,” Kirk protested.
“That’s what he just said,” Claire said.
While Kirk opened his mouth again, Paul said, “There’s no way Elias is going to go if Ben can’t too. It’s not right.”
“I think every child should have every advantage,” Kirk argued.
“I think it’s just a glorified junior high so don’t sweat it,” Julian told him.
“Amen!” his wife agreed.
“As long as you don’t send him to Rossford High,” Julian added.
“What’s wrong with Rossford?” Paul looked at him.
“Rossford High is bullshit,” Shelley said, releasing her arms as they came around the table. “Everything I’ve heard says Edmonton Academy is the place.”
“If we can afford it,” Paul said.
“Let’s not talk about money now,” Kirk said. “It’s so…”
“Gauche?” said Bryant.
“Depressing,” said Kirk. “And what about you, Bryant?”
“Well,” Bryant said, sitting down, “I’m finally settled back, and… I’ve started my new position at Loretto.”
“You’re back there?” Paul said.
“Yes, finally Dean of the Music Department.” Bryant wondered if he sounded pretentious.
“Oh,” Claire said, sitting down beside her husband.
“That,” Matt said, “is the flattest O my big sister has ever uttered.”
“I bet it isn’t,” Claire said, dismissively. “Only… how’s that going to work?”
“Whaddo you mean?” Bryant said brightly.
She looked at him, trying to divine if he was attempting to fool her or not.
“I meant with Chad North working there again, how’s that going to work?”
IN THE MORNING THERE was a soft tap on Bryant Babcock’s door, and then it was pushed gently open by Chad. Bryant didn’t dare look at him closely. He couldn’t. It was amazing how few people needed to actually be looked in the eye. One could go through life perfectly well without ever having to really see people.
“Hi, Bryant.”
“Chad.”
“I just wanted to say… It seems that what I told you came as a shock to you. About Ferguson.”
“Oh.”
“Well, I mean, there have been rumors about him. Taking up with other men. I was wondering if he had tried to pull you in.”
“Like you pulled me in?”
Chad made a noise in his throat, but aside from that said nothing.
“Yes, Bryant. I know that. I was just checking.”
“Thank you.”
Chad nodded.
“I guess I’ll go now.”
“Very well.”
Chad turned to leave, and then, one foot out of the door, he turned around and said, “We spent seven years together.”
“And we’ve spent five apart.”
“We parted on horrible terms.”
Bryant, who had seemed so calm, took a deep breath, and Chad could suddenly tell that he was exerting a massive act of the will.
“We parted when I found out you were sleeping with my brother.”
“And you never did anything wrong?” Chad said.
“My… wrongdoing or… lack of it, especially with other people, does not give you the right to—” Bryant stopped himself. He moved a hand across some imaginary boundary line and said:
“We can be civil. I’m trying to be civil.”
“I’m trying to be friends.”
“Well, that’s not going to happen, Chad. I am your boss. Again. I am not your equal. I am not craving your friendship, or even an explanation for why you did what you did—”
“Five years ago, Bryant.”
“And then did you and Sean try to start a life together?”
Chad turned his head, taking a deep breath.
“Or is that just my imagination? Because I remember you all trying to start a life together.”
“I give up.”
“Of course you do.”
Chad didn’t respond to that, except by nodding.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Maybe later. Maybe when you’re ready. It’s been five years. I thought you’d be ready.”
Chad North was in his office, packing his briefcase and getting ready to leave when he heard Bryant say, behind him, “It has not been five years.”
“What?” Chad began.
“It has been today. The first time you’ve come to me, and the first time you said anything like you were sorry. Five years ago—”
Bryant remembered where he was and closed the door behind him.
“Five years ago you were fucking Sean, and then I was throwing you out, and then you and Sean were busy starting something, and making it more than clear that I was much too old to make you happy. And then you left town. But, you know what, Chad? There wasn’t a single moment in any of that where you ever said sorry. Not until today. So, it has not been five years. It is fresh in my mind. And I know, I know, I know, that I hurt someone the same way once, so maybe I don’t even have a right to feel the way that I do, to be as angry as I am. But I am angry, and you know I didn’t hire you, and you should know it’s going to take a long while to get past this. I am not ready and I do not forgive you. Not yet.”
Chad readjusted his glasses and he nodded. “Do you think you could ever be ready?”
“Why Chad? What for?” Bryant said, exasperated.
“So we could be friends. Again.”
“And again, Chad,” Bryant said. “What for?”
“Did you know Chad was back?” Radha Hatangady said as she twisted and untwisted the string or shiny prayer beads around her fingers.
“Yes, I knew,” Layla said. “And did you know that Claire was going to a dinner tonight at her sister in law’s, and knew Bryant would be there. So she decided to invite Chad, too.”
“No! That’s a horrible idea.”
“It’s a cruel idea,” Milo said.
“That’s Claire, though,” Dena remarked with a shrug. “Anyway, I talked her out of that shit and….Why don’t we invite Chad over?”
“Over to what?” Dena yawned. “We gotta go pick Rob up, and then there’s parent teacher conference, and I’m sorry, but what can you have to conference about with over a five year old?”
Layla did not answer that, but continued: “We’re inviting Chad over to the dinner party I will plan when Radha goes back and gets Mark and I go and get some decorations and food. We have to do something. I have a crazy idea Chad’s going to try to get Bryant back.”
“I still think Bryant Babcock is too damn old.”
“Yes,” Layla allowed. “And he fucked up my uncle’s life, but he is the love of Chad’s life, and that’s what Chad wants, and I feel like I was partially responsible for everything that happened—”
“How?” Will looked at her.
“By allowing Chad to have a secret affair,” Dena said, tiredly. “Layla thinks just allowing it makes her responsible.”
“Well, I didn’t not encourage it,” Layla said. “And part of me thinks maybe it was out of anger over what Bryant had done to us. At any rate, let’s give Chad a party.”
“I’ll call him,” Radha volunteered, taking out her phone. “Why don’t you get a phone too, Layla?”
“Why would I need to?”
“So we can reach you.”
“You can reach me the fuck right here.”
“Here we go again,” Dena murmured.
“Your commitment to being a Luddite is something I always appreciated,” Milo told her.
Meanwhile Radha greeted Chad with: “So, how’s my favorite homosexual?”
“Did she…?” Dena began.
“Of course she did.”
“We’re going to Layla’s poetry reading,” Radha was saying, “having a little party tonight. Over at Layla’s big ass place. Yeah… Yeah… Well, come at eight. And leave the attitude behind.”
Layla reached for the phone and Radha handed it to her. “Ignore her,” Layla said. “Not about the party, but about your attitude. Bring as much of it as you want.”
“Thanks, Layla,” Chad sounded grateful. “It’s good to hear you. How’ve you been?”
“Alright.”
“And tell him,” Radha shouted, “not to come over crying about Bryant, because we’ll get him on top of a younger man before the night is out!”
“Did she really just say that?” Chad murmured.
“Yes,” Layla admitted. “But you can’t really be that surprised.”
