BRYANT
CONTINUED
“Okay, so you remember that girl I was telling you about?”
“The forty year old?”
“She has a name,” Tara said. “Shaneice.”
“But she’s still forty,” said Fenn. “Anyway, what happened with her and the woman she was involved with?”
“She left her. For me.”
“Okay?” Fenn sounded doubtful. “Do I want to know what happens next?”
“She stayed the night.”
“That’s right,” Fenn said, clasping his friend’s hand.
“But it’s not serious yet. I told her I don’t want you hopping from one thing to another. We’re just keeping it light. Friends… with lots of benefits.
“She had to be at work early so she woke me up at five in the morning to get some.”
“And you gave her some.”
“You know I did,” Tara said.
Tom came out of the kitchen, wearing Fenn’s fedora.
“What are we laughing at?”
“The fact that Tara’s getting laid again.”
“Right on,” Tom said, sitting on the couch on the other side of Fenn. “Sex is a beautiful thing. Especially if you half like the person you’re doing it with.”
Tom wrapped an arm around Fenn’s waist and Fenn said, “So you half way like me?”
Tom touched his hat rakishly and squeezing Fenn said, “I’d even venture to say I three fourths like you.”
He stood up.
“I gotta go over to the school, so you two kids try not to tear anything up while I’m gone.”
He winked at Fenn, and headed out the door.
“Not even a kiss goodbye,” Fenn said, with mock sorrow.
“God, that man loves you,” Tara said. “The two of you even dress alike.”
“He never wore fedoras, button down double pocketed shirts and madras pants until he met me.”
“And you never shaved and wore cologne until you met him.”
Tara sat back and smiled.
“The two of you together… when I see it I just think: that’s the real thing.”
“I’m going over to Valpo a few times a week,” Fenn told him.
“Alright?” Tom waited for more.
“I’m going back to school. I want my Masters. You have yours. I want it in literature. It’s time to finish what I started.”
So Fenn began school, working half time at the radio station with Tara, and Tom continued teaching at Loretto. He had a concert later that year, and then he was employed at Saint Barbara’s.
“That was your church, wasn’t it?”
“It was,” Fenn told him. “But I don’t see myself going back.”
“You’d go for me, though. Wouldn’t you?”
Fenn couldn’t tell if Tom was serious or not.
He said, “I would go to listen to you play. I would not sit through Mass or have a religious change because of you.”
“You’re really done with all that, huh?” Tom said.
For some reason this struck Fenn as slightly hypocritical coming out of Tom’s mouth. Tom was a dutiful Catholic, surely. He always went to Mass. He always played at them. But as far as Fenn knew, Tom had never read so much as a paragraph of the Bible, or knelt by his bedside in prayer. Fenn would have gone on about this, but he liked peace in his house. There was much he didn’t discuss for the sake of peace.
“Would you like to hear something?” Fenn said.
Without waiting for Tom’s answer, Fenn got up, went into their bedroom and came back with a ragged old book.
“Is that a children’s book?”
“It certainly is,” Fenn said. “Let’s give it a listen.”
“‘Now boys and girls, I know a place filled with people who never forget! And that place is Purgatory.
“‘Purgatory is the place where you go after you die, if you have venial sin on your soul. You have to pay for your sins down in Purgatory before you can go to heaven. Well, down in Purgatory there are hundreds of people who cannot help themselves! They cannot pray for themselves. They cannot go to Mass. They cannot go to Confession or Communion. There they suffer day after day. They are waiting and crying out for you to help them!’”
Now Fenn clutched at Tom’s arm dramatically, and continued,
“‘Maybe some poor soul down in Purgatory needs just one litlle “Hail Mary” to get to Heaven! Maybe one Communion will let some poor soul out of Purgatory. Let’s say that “Hail Mary” for them! Let’s receive Holy Communion for them!’
“Oh, what shit!” Fenn threw the book down. “I’m going to throw up.
Tom stopped laughing and then he said, “But don’t you believe it at all?”
After almost ten years, Fenn looked at Tom shocked, and then realized he didn’t understand why he should be shocked.
“You do believe it?” Fenn said.
“Well, maybe not quite that way. But… yeah.”
“You hear this and think, ‘sorta believable’. I read it and think, no wonder they had a Reformation. I’m pretty sure this is insane and unbiblical.”
“Well, you have your beliefs and I have mine,” Tom said mildly.
“No,” Fenn said, standing up straight. “If I meet someone on the street I don’t live with, then they have their beliefs and I have mine. You’re the person I live with… We need to talk this shit out.”
“I’m a Catholic, Fenn.”
“You’ve never even read the Bible. You don’t even pray. You don’t even pray the goddamned Rosary. You hate Dan.”
“I don’t hate Dan.”
“Not the point,” Fenn said. “I’ve read you something ridiculous from start to finish. A children’s book that terrifies little kids by telling them their sins will send them to a place that’s like hell, no matter what, and only people going to Mass and praying to Mary will get them out, and oh little kids, don’t forget to do the same for your poor dead grandma and grampa. And you just say, yeah, that’s plausible?”
“Maybe you’re right,” Tom said, weakly. “But in case you’re wrong—”
“I’m not.”
“That’s the difference between us. I’m on the fence, and you just roll right over. In fact, you kick the fence over.”
“I think Purgatory is bullshit.”
“Maybe it’s because you’ve never done anything really, really wrong.”
“Nonsense.”
“No, it isn’t,” Tom said. “You don’t need to believe in things like that because you don’t have things on your conscience.”
“And you do?”
“Todd!” Fenn ran to the young man who had invited himself into the apartment, and embraced him.
“You’re huge now.” Fenn had to climb up to reach him.
Todd had a full head of black hair, and in his ears winked diamond studs that Fenn couldn’t help but be a little turned on by. The young man held Fenn apart from him, surveying the older man and as Todd laughed, Fenn couldn’t help but notice how strong the olive complexioned boy’s arms had become.
“It didn’t happen over night, you know? I’ve been taller than you for years.”
“And bigger?”
“And bigger. I’m so not a little kid.”
“No,” Fenn said, sitting down and shaking his head. “No, you’re not.”
Then he said, “Let me get you something.”
“Water’ll be nice.”
“What about a beer?” Fenn said from the kitchen, “Now that we’ve established you’re a grown up.”
“A beer would be great!” Todd said. “I didn’t want to impose and invite myself to your booze is all.”
They were sitting, drinking, and Todd said, “Where’s your boring half?”
“Stop that.”
Todd shrugged.
“I just always thought you could do better.”
“Well, you’ve always been honest. I’ll give you that.”
Todd belched lightly, and said, “Excuse me. And excuse me for insulting Tom. I don’t know… I just thought it would have ended by now. You all are so different.”
“And who would be better suited for me?”
Todd shrugged and took a long pull at his beer. Fenn cocked his head.
“Wait a minute,” Fenn said.
“Alright.”
Fenn got up and returned with the little red book.
“Read this,” he opened it up to Todd.
Todd put the beer down, Fenn noticed, on a coaster, not the table, and then began reading before he first snorted and then outright laughed.
“Oh, fuck!”
“So it’s funny?” Fenn urged.
“It’s absofucking ridiculous.”
“Tom believes in it.”
“Well, then Tom’s weak in the head.”
For some reason it made Fenn glad to hear Todd say that.
“But I have to warn you,” Todd said, “I don’t really believe in God. Not that one. Nell tells me I should go to church. I… Look, if there’s a God….
“I know there’s a God,” Todd said. “But it’s not like this shit we’re hearing about. Hell. He’s probably not even a he. What’s more, I don’t really want to talk about him.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
Very quickly, and very expertly, Todd kissed Fenn. It was such a shock, and then it felt so good that it took Fenn a moment to pull away, and then he knocked Todd upside the head.
“Ow,” Todd complained, rubbing his head, the spikes of his dark hair popping up through his fingers.
“I knew you would do that,” Todd said. “But it was worth it. I’ve been dying to do that for years.”
“Well, you can’t do it again,” Fenn said, feeling more disconcerted than anything.
“I accept it,” Todd said, but he was grinning even while he rubbed his head. He was so cool about it! Fenn almost wanted to laugh.
“However, you asked me if I had someone better for you in mind. And I do. He’s all grown up. He’s tall, dark and a little bit handsome. He would have been off limits a while ago, but he’s perfectly available now.”
“Todd Meradan, are you hitting on me?”
“Fuck yeah, I am.”
Fenn sighed.
“What?”
Fenn stood up: “I think I’m going to need another beer.”
“So he kissed you?” Tara said. She sat back with a pleased look on her face, and Fenn said, “I don’t know why that makes you smile?”
“All sorts of shit makes me smile,” Tara said.
“What did you do after that?” Adele said, concerned.
“After what?” a little girl’s voice asked.
They turned around and Layla was walking into the kitchen with a gangly little, tow haired boy, and the dark haired Dena.
“Layla, what have I told you about grown up conversation?”
“I know what you told me,” the little girl said, “But I still want to know.”
Fenn called the little girl over and pulled her roughly to him, tickling her while she laughed, and cried, “Fenn! Stop!”
“That’s what nosey little girls get. Dena, Brendan, how are you?”
All of the children were eight, and Brendan Miller was a generally shy boy, but around Fenn he opened up quickly.
“I’ve got my first science fair,” he told him. “And I’m doing a report on hogs.”
“He got in trouble,” Dena said earnestly, “because Mrs. Nothnagel said, ‘Oh, you’re doing pigs.’ But he corrected her and said, ‘They’re not pigs. They’re hogs.’ You should have seen the way she looked at him!” Dena narrated, wide eyed. “But he was right.”
“Well, I sure am glad you called,” Tom said in a low voice from the kitchen.
“That’s what I like to hear,” Bryant laughed. “It cures my low self esteem.”
Tom chuckled and said, “These days I’m coming down with a case of it myself.”
“Really? What’s all that laughter in the background, then?”
“That laughter is not for me,” Tom said.
“You remember the priest whose ordination you played at?”
“Yes, your friend.”
“No, Fenn’s friend. Well, he’s staying the weekend. He just got back from a mission. The two of them are sitting on the sofa yukking it up like kids.”
“Make you jealous?”
“Honestly?” said Tom. “A little.”
“You should come and visit me.”
Tom’s voice changed. He looked back at Fenn and Dan laughing on the couch.
“I honestly can’t say what I’d do if that happened.”
“That’s the fun part,” Bryant told him.
The truth was Tom hadn’t had a sustained period to seriously regret his infidelity, .and so he said, “You’re right. It probably would be. I might have to make my way down to Sainte Terre.”
“Saint Terre or wherever I end up,” Bryant said.
“What’s that?”
“My contract’s up at the end of this term. After it I’m not sure where I’ll be going.”
Tom was about to say, “Come here!”
But before he could speak, even as he realized how inappropriate a suggestion that would be, Bryant said, “I think I’ll head back to Pennsylvania.”
“You hate Pennsylvania.”
“No, I hate my family. Pennsylvania is fine.”
When Tom got off the phone Fenn looked up.
“How was Bryant?”
“Fine, but he’ll be looking for a new place to go next term,” Tom said.
“I never really knew him that well,” Dan commented.
Fenn said, “I never knew him at all.
“But what about you? Where are you going next, Father Dan?”
Dan gave Fenn a goofy look and then said, “Wherever the Spirit sends me. Or more likely the Archbishop.”
“Don’t you get a say?” Tom asked him.
Fenn looked at him. Tom had never addressed Dan when he didn’t have to.
“Maybe,” Dan said with a shrug. “Sometimes. A little.”
He didn’t seem to want to talk.
“I’m going out,” Tom said.
When he was gone, Dan said, after a while, “Am I out of line to ask what’s going on with him?”
“Little things,” Fenn said, shrugging. “It’s been almost nine years, you know? Little things start to show up after that long.”
We've broadened our scope for Christmas time around my downtown. Those of you who have avoided contributing till now, it's time to open your hearts, then open your purse strings. Give what you can: https://www.gofundme.com/f/Fundraisingforhousing
