Chapter III.
Clay
My brother and I were very close. Very different also. I always thought he was more intelligent than I was, more calm, more educated, more everything. It’s not that I was jealous of him, more envious of all the things he did better than I did. Clay is two years younger than me, but he’s way more mature and, although he was a regular in our group of friends, he always managed to keep he’s distance while still being an integral part of the crew.
He wasn’t into sports as much as I was, and thus not athletic as I was, but genetics helped him with his endurance and whenever we practiced together, whatever the sport was, he still managed to compete with me. We used to wrestle a lot when we were younger, I actually broke his nose once during one of our battles, something our parents still like to bring up when they’re pissed at me or thought I was was too turbulent.
Clay was always near-skinny, but still defined in a way that made you do a double take. His body was lean, the kind of build that looked almost fragile at first glance but had a surprising strength beneath it. He wasn’t big, but his arms and shoulders had a natural definition that came from being active. His face was sharp, with high cheekbones and a jawline that could cut glass, but there was something softer about it too, a kind of youthfulness that Charles said reminded him of Timothée Chalamet on his best days. His hair was always short, styled in a way that looked like he had put little effort into it, but still somehow good like he hadn’t tried, but the world was convinced he had. At the time of this story, he was single, and had broken up with a girl a few months before the new year. He used to tell me he wanted to stay single for a while, and that he was too busy with his thesis to find someone else anyway.
As calm as he was, he also had a lot of steam to blow off and that accumulated while writing his Ph.D. thesis. For that, he had a simple, yet effective solution: hitting industrial techno nightclubs; something he actually made me discover and I sometimes enjoyed with him. Most of the time though, he liked going alone. He said that it procured him infinite release, and the safety of constant, uninterrupted beats made him feel like nothing unexpected could disturb him while he was hitting the floor, relentlessly. Clay sometimes used drugs during his trips to the club, but most of the time, he went sober, just drinking Club Mate; a tea based energy drink that apparently was very popular in the Berlin techno scenes.
His go-to place was Concrete, a club in the nearby city that looked more like an abandoned warehouse than an actual club. Despite the looks of it, the vibe in there was incredible. It was raw, poorly-lit, and packed with people who shared the same energy, nothing like those typical Ibiza-like clubs where people wore dresses and shirts and drank champagne. We both rapidly discovered that the techno scene was very open-minded, and that anyone could be whoever they wanted to be inside the club. A parenthesis from the rest of the world, that often lead to people walking around shirtless, girls as much as guys, people dressing as the opposite sex, people experimenting with drugs, and flirting with some boundaries of decency. All of it bound by the unsaid omnipresent rule of respect and honesty. Clay was deeply convinced that the world would be a better place if every one acted as they do inside these walls.
On a Sunday afternoon while I was laying on the couch watching TV inside my parents’ house, enjoying their big screen TV while they were away, Clay entered the through the front door, looking very obviously tired. « Hey man! » I screamed from the couch, as to let him know I was there. He didn’t answer and headed straight to the kitchen, opened the fridge and made himself a sandwich with some leftovers from what I had cooked before. Once he was done with this improvised attempt at cooking, he sat on a chair next to the couch, put his feet on the coffee table and started eating the sandwich.
I looked at him devouring his meal as if he hadn’t eaten in days. Apart from his fatigue, I could tell something was different, or at least that he wanted to talk about something; I know my brother, if he didn’t want to talk, he would’ve headed straight to his studio. Plus, he was smelling a mix of sweat and cigarettes that was embalming the living room.
« You alright? Didn’t hear you come home last night. » I asked.
« That’s because I didn’t, I just got back ». He answered.
« Dude it’s two in the afternoon, got back from where? » I asked again, looking at the time on my watch.
« Concrete. » He simply answered while taking yet another bite of the sandwich.
« Concrete closes at seven in the morning. » I said in an obvious tone.
A few seconds passed. He shrugged, said nothing.
While I was pretending to watch TV, I let a few more seconds pass, also letting him finish his sandwich before asking: « Alright, what’s her name? » I asked, hinting at the fact he met a girl.
He smirked, but still didn’t answer. But I was intrigued, and keen to know more. Clay and I shared every bit of our lives and told each other a lot, down to our sexual experiences. His body count was actually higher than mine, the mystery surrounding his personality attracted the girls even if it wasn’t his goal.
« - So what? You’re not gonna tell me anything? » I asked, obviously curious.
« - Do I HAVE to tell you everything all the time?
- Of course not, it’s just that I’m not used to you keeping secrets for me.
- Right. »
He paused again for a moment and starting telling the story.
« - So, I was doing my usual thing, just lost in the music, you know? It was so good last night, you would’ve been all over it. The place was packed, but after a while, I found this little spot on the edge, right where I could move but not feel like I was suffocating. It was around 4 a.m., the crowd was thickening, and that’s when she showed up, this girl. She was dancing like she didn’t care who was watching, which I kinda liked. I didn’t even need to see her clearly to know she was my type. So, naturally, I slid a little closer, just enough to make contact, y’know? And when I did, I felt her skin, cold as hell, like she’d been outside for hours or something.
So I did what any self-respecting guy would do: I grabbed my hoodie off my waist and tossed it around her shoulders. Gotta admit, I was feeling pretty smooth for a second.
But then, just like that, she looks me in the eye, gives me a little smile, and walks off with my hoodie still wrapped around her. No words, nothing, just like that. I mean, what can you do? I was left standing there like an idiot, but hey, it’s all part of the game.
- Huh, that’s weird.
- Yeah, thought so too. Actually thought I would never see that hoodie again, but didn’t really care, it was one of yours anyway.
- WHAT? Which one?
- The plain dark one you like.
- Did I say you could borrow it?
- Would you have said no?
- Nah. »
The conversation made me smile, I loved our complicity and how he knew exactly how I would react. Clay kept telling his story:
« - A few minutes go by. I’m not really counting time at this point, just feeling the vibe. Then, out of nowhere, this dude comes up next to me, puts his hand on my shoulder, and asks if I was the one who gave his girlfriend my hoodie. I’m thinking the guy’s about to swing at me or something, right? But I didn’t wanna make it worse, so I just shrugged and said, ‘Yeah, I gave it to her.’
But hey, honest mistake, right? I didn’t know she came with anyone. So, I apologised. Like, what else was I supposed to do?
- Did he hit you? Tell me that son of a bitch’s name, I’ll find him and make him regret he ever lift a finger at you ». Angrily, I sat up on the couch before going up, about to storm out of the house in search of the bastard that had hit my little brother.
« Dude, no calm down, that’s not what happened. And what are you, twelve? I can defend myself you know. »
His words hit me like a bucket of cold water. I froze, stunned by the way he just shut me down like that. It wasn’t just the words, it was the way he said it, like I was overreacting, and suddenly I wasn’t so sure of myself. My irritation flared up, but I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he’d just put me in my place.
I sat back down, a little taken aback, my jaw tightening. Alright, fine, he can handle himself.
« - So what happened?
- He hugged me.
- I’m sorry, what now?
- Yeah I guess he was on E, but he hugged me and thanked me for taking care of his girl.
- This makes no sense.
- I know, right? Anyway, so. I just kept on dancing, the girl and his boyfriend… Ok, Vanessa and Will, those are their names. Vanessa and Will were also dancing next to me. At some point while glancing at them, I see Vanessa talking into Will’s ear without be able to hear what she says, I just see Will nodding in agreement. And that’s when it happened.
- When what happened?
- Dude, you’re so not ready for this » he said smiling.
I leaned in, already feeling my pulse quicken. Something in the way Clay was holding back made my stomach tighten. He was playing it cool, but I could tell he was savouring the moment, like he had something wild to drop, and he knew exactly how to keep me hanging. « Go on » I said.
« Vanessa just strolls up to me grinning like a cat who’s about to get fed, and drops this bomb like it’s no big deal: 'So, what do you think… You and me head back to my place, mess around with Will watching, and then Will joins in too?’ »
I blinked at him, trying to process what he just said. My brain was playing catch-up, like some glitchy app that couldn't load fast enough.
« Wait, what? » I finally stammered, trying to sound like I wasn’t completely thrown off by the casualness of it all. « She, she actually said that to you? Like, for real? »
Clay just shrugged, leaning back against the couch with that familiar, half-amused smirk on his face, like it was the most normal thing in the world. « Yeah, man. No biggie. Just threw it out there like it was no different than asking if I wanted to grab a drink. »
I couldn’t help but laugh, but it came out a little nervous, a little forced. « Seriously? She’s that forward? ». Clay raised an eyebrow, his smirk turning into something more like a grin. « Guess so. But, you know, not everyone has to dance around shit. Some people just say it. Straight to the point. »
I wasn’t sure if I should be impressed or a little unsettled. Maybe both.
« So you… » I asked before I could stop myself, but then I immediately regretted it.
« Yeah » he answered smirking again.
Now I actually was completely thrown off. My little brother had just told me that engaged in a threesome, with another guy to top it off. I had no idea what to make of that. I stared at him, trying to find something to say, but my mind was just blank. I hadn’t expected that. Not even close.
« So... you, uh, you actually went through with it? » My voice came out sounding rougher than I wanted it to. I didn’t know if I was more shocked or just pissed off at how casually he was talking about it.
Clay shrugged like it was the most normal thing in the world. « What, you think I’d lie about it? » I couldn’t even process the fact that he was so nonchalant about this.
« No, but... it’s just... fuck, man. A threesome? With another dude? That's, like, a lot. » I stopped, realising too late I probably sounded like I was judging him, even though that wasn’t what I meant.
Clay rolled his eyes, clearly not bothered. « Yeah, well, I'm sure had your own share of... adventures, right? Just because you don't talk about it like I do doesn't mean you're some saint. It’s not that big of a deal. »
I didn’t know if I should be angry, confused, or maybe a little... I don’t know... But the more I thought about it, the more it gnawed at me.
« I’m just saying, that’s... that's a big news Clay.. »
Clay just gave a half-laugh, like he didn’t get why I was so worked up. « Yeah, well, it doesn’t have to be. No big deal. Don’t freak out over everything, bro. »
The worst part was, I kind of was freaking out. But I wasn’t sure what exactly I was freaking out about. The fact that my little brother was out here living some crazy, boundary-pushing life? Or the fact that I had zero clue how to process it, even though he was younger and seemed so much more... free than I was?
« So what, you’re bi now? » I asked still a little freaked out. « Oh God dude don’t. Just don’t. It was a one time thing, I’m probably never going to see them again, what would I even want to label something like this. ». He was right, it was a stupid thing for me to asked, but it was in the heat of the moment, my brain was upside down, I even asked « But, did you like… like it ? What did you guys even do? »
He didn’t immediately answer. His face went blank for a second, like he was taking a moment to figure out whether or not he should even entertain my questions. Then he leaned back, his eyes avoiding mine.
It was clear he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. The air in the room got thicker, and I realised how stupid I sounded, pressing him for details. But the more I tried to understand, the more my questions piled up.
I opened my mouth again, ready to say something else anything but Clay stood up before I could, not even looking at me.
« Look, I gotta go, I have to take a shower and get out of these clothes » he muttered like he’d had enough.
He ran a hand through his hair, visibly frustrated, then turned to head for the door.
« Wait » I started, but the words didn’t come out right. « Clay, I… »
« Dude, don’t. » he cut me off. « I just some me time, alright? »
He didn’t wait for a response, walking quickly out of the room, leaving me in stunned silence.
I heard his footsteps fading down the hall, and then the front door shutting.
The room felt suddenly empty, like the air had been sucked out. I was left sitting there, trying to make sense of what he said, but the more I thought about it, the more confused I became.
I couldn't quite figure out how to feel…
I sat back down on the couch, still processing everything. My mind kept replaying the questions I’d asked Clay, the dumb things I’d said. I sighed, rubbed my face, and turned off the TV.
It wasn’t like I was worried about Clay, more about how I’d acted. He didn’t need my judgment.
Weirdly enough, I thought about what had happened with Logan a month ago and how I had no right to judge my little brother like that; especially since he was so straightforward about it while I had not even told him about the Logan episode.
After a minute of stewing, I stood up and headed back to my studio.
This story is part of a series exploring the outrageous adventures of a tight-knit group of friends. It delves into the chaotic mix of bromance, experimentation, and discovering new boundaries of friendship and pleasure. While purely fictional, some moments may be loosely inspired by the author’s personal experiences. Feedback is always welcome!
Thank you for reading.
