Under Dark Covers - Chapter XIII.
Flashes.
I pulled into the driveway. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted today. Something in me. And I didn’t know how to deal with it.
I slipped off my shoes by the door and I stood there for a long moment, staring at nothing, my thoughts tangled in a mess I couldn’t quite sort out. Flashes kept coming, moments of people, of images, of things I’d barely registered at the time. They didn’t feel like memories so much as pieces of a puzzle I wasn’t sure how to put together.
Peter’s words earlier, the ones about how he’d made his side income on OnlyFans, were still floating around in my head, but they weren’t what had me twisted up. No, it was the flashes. The sudden, sharp images that hadn’t made sense when they first appeared. Those flashes of faces, of bodies, of things that felt too intense to just be casual thoughts, of this guy who strangles Peter and who pushes Aaron down on his knees; this guy that didn’t feel like me but that I somehow lived through my eyes.
I sank into the couch, staring blankly at the TV screen as if it would somehow provide an answer. It didn’t. My mind kept circling back to those flashes. It wasn’t just the images, but the feelings that came with them. They weren’t normal flashes of sexual attraction like I’d had before—they were deeper, more vivid. I could almost feel the heat of them, the urgency. They weren’t something I could just ignore, and that unsettled me.
The conversation with Peter was also still fresh in my mind, echoing louder than I wanted it to. I couldn't stop thinking about how weird and fascinating this OnlyFans thing all was. Was it just curiosity or something more? My brain kept bouncing between confusion and self-reasoning.
Part of me wanted to understand it better. I couldn’t just let this go without knowing more. The curiosity gnawed at me. I pulled my phone out, already heading to Google. Maybe I could find his account. I figured it wouldn’t be that hard, people who made money off of these platforms usually had a solid presence, at least I thought so.
I tried. I really did. Spent an hour or more on my phone, tapping through search results, scrolling trying to find any trace of Peter’s account. But I came up with nothing. There was no account with his name or anything that seemed to fit. I leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. So, what now? Was I just supposed to drop it? I couldn’t. Not after everything Peter had told me.
Then an idea hit me. I knew someone who was way better at this kind of thing: Clay. If anyone could dig up something, it was him. The kid practically lived on the computer.
—New text to « Claymore 🖤»
Me: Hey, you got a minute to help me with something?
Clay: Working on my thesis, but sure?
Me: I need help with something on the Internet
Clay: The Internet’s wide, you’re gonna need to be more precise
Me: Can you dig up everything you can about Peter?
Clay: Peter? Why, something wrong?
Me: You’re gonna tell me
Clay: Alright, can it wait until tomorrow tho?
Me: Yeah, sure, alright.
Me: Thanks brother
Of course, I couldn’t explicitly tell him about an OnlyFans account, it would have started too many questions; also, I kinda promised Peter not to tell anything to the group. I slumped back into the couch, groaning a little. Clay would help, eventually, but that didn’t solve my problem right now. I was still left with those flashes and the thought of Peter and his strange side gig running through my mind.
I was tired as hell, and really hesitated about just letting it go or talking to someone. I could’ve talked to Charles, but our earlier conversation left me a little puzzled. Somehow, I thought about Aaron. After all, and even if I had only learnt about it yesterday, he was officially the most diversely experienced guy in the group now. Even if yesterday’s… thing between us at my place was still in my mind, I didn’t know who else to ask.
—New text to « A-Bomb Aaron 💣 »
Me: Yo, what are you doing? Can you come over, need to talk about something.
Aaron: Now? Dude, it’s kinda late already
Me: Yeah, no you right
Aaron: Everything alright?
Me: Yeah, yeah, just needed to talk.
Aaron: I’ll be there in 10.
Aaron was different. He was someone who could talk about sex, about relationships, without the awkwardness. The guy had a way of not taking things too seriously. Maybe that’s exactly what I needed right now: someone who could help me figure out why I was getting these flashes, why my mind kept spiralling.
I tossed my phone onto the coffee table and leaned back on the couch, trying to ground myself. The flashes were still there, like fragmented dreams that wouldn’t fade. I needed to ask him, needed to figure out how to talk about this without sounding completely lost.
A little while later, Aaron walked though my door, looking as laid-back as ever, without even knocking, as if he was coming home. He saluted me, slipping off his jacket and tossing it onto the chair next to the door. Wearing an opened denim shirt over a red v-neck tee and a pair of beige chino pants, he waked towards me.
« So, what’s going on? » he asked, throwing himself down onto the couch next to with that usual careless confidence. « You look like you’ve got something on your mind. »
I didn’t answer right away. Instead, I let my eyes drop to my hands.
« I’ve just been… I don’t know, feeling a little off lately, » I said finally, my voice quieter than I’d intended. « Like, I’ve been having these flashes, you know? Like, random stuff keeps popping into my head, and it’s not… it’s not what I’d expect. It feels weird. »
Aaron raised an eyebrow, clearly curious but not pushing. « Flashes? Like, what kind of flashes? »
I swallowed hard, trying to frame it in a way that wouldn’t make me sound like I was losing it.
« I don’t know how to explain it. Like, I’ll be thinking about something, and suddenly I’ll just get this image or a feeling, something that makes me feel... I don’t know, kind of turned on, but also, like, uncomfortable. Like I’m seeing things I shouldn’t be seeing. Or maybe I want to see them but don’t know why. »
Aaron leaned forward slightly, his attention locked on me. « That sounds… kinda intense. But, hey, that’s normal, right? Everyone has weird thoughts. Hell, I’ve had my share of random flashes. » I shook my head. « No, this isn’t like that. I mean, yeah, I’ve had the usual stuff; girls I like, people I’ve hooked up with. But these? They’re different… »
Aaron’s gaze softened. He shifted in his seat, maybe sensing I was serious, not just rambling.
« Different, you mean with guys, right ? »
« Yeah, » I muttered, rubbing my hands over my face. « I guess. It’s like, I can’t tell if I’m just getting confused because of these thoughts, or if there’s something else going on. »
Aaron paused, clearly taking it all in. I expected him to laugh or tell me I was overthinking it, but instead, he just nodded slowly, silently. « Like, how did you know you… » I said, but words struggled to come out, as I was talking about a very taboo topic, when in fact it was just questions about my sexuality. But it was too hard to keep going for me at this point. Fortunately, Aaron finished my sentence, obviously seeing my inability to continue: « …what? Wanted to try things out with guys? ». I nodded, silently, my eyes down.
« I don’t know really. I guess at some point I just thought some guys were attractive, in the same ways girls are. And then, you know, it got me wondering about how it would be to kiss a dude, and then, well, I guess I started wondering about what it would be like to go a little further than that. »
I stood up, started walking around the room, obviously uncomfortable, feeling kind of lost, rubbing my hand on my chin. I had never really thought about that. I mean. I’ve kissed other guys, mostly guys from the group it never triggered anything in me, and I’ve never thought about going further than that. I kept pacing back and forth in the studio. Aaron, feeling my mixed emotions then asked:
« Wanna tell me about those flashes?
- I don’t know man…
- Dude come on, nothing you’re gonna say is going to change anything
- I know, I know. I’m just not sure what to make of them.
- Let me help you with that then.
- It’s… I don’t know, it’s not that clear. It changes. Sometimes I see myself strangling other guys, or pushing them down on their knees, it’s… I don’t know man, I’m not even sure I’m the guy in those flashes.
- Alright, what, so some kind of submissive kink?
- NO! Dude, no!
- Well, that’s kind of what you just described you know, strangling.. people on their knees in front of you.. »
I had never thought about it that way. The thought scared me somehow. I mean, I knew there were a lot of different movements and tendencies in intimacy, but that’s something I had never explored, not even thought about… I always saw myself as a gentle sweet dude, so the thought of being described as a dominant made me visibly confused. I sat back down, fidgeting my fingers, eyes and head down. Aaron tried to comfort me, even if there wasn’t really anything to comfort:
« Dude, don’t beat yourself up like that, it’s totally normal. A lot of people like things like that. I mean, I’m sure you probably experimented that field a little with one of your exes already, right? It’s totally fine and I get it… I mean you wouldn’t be the first guy to be turned on by the feeling of being in power… That’s what politics is all about! Maybe you should consider running for office! »
I grinned to the joke, Aaron knew how to comfort me. I was visibly a little more relaxed now. I still didn’t really know what to make of the fact that it was mostly guys I saw in my flashes; and I could tell Aaron’s curiosity was also a little peaked, still.
« So who have you been seeing in those flashes? » he asked.
« Nobody you’d know… » I answered, hiding the fact that he actually was in one of my most recent ones. « Most of the times, it’s people I don’t even know myself… A lot of my flashes seem to have Concrete as a setting.
- Concrete, huh? Yeah, I can see why that place could trigger them.
- You do?
- Well yeah, I mean, it’s a very sensual place… lots of people wearing little clothes, the dim lights, the sweat, the general openness of people there.
- I thought you weren’t a fan of that place?
- Of the music, no. I never was into techno, but that place sure is something different.
- Yeah…
- Anyway, so you tell me it’s exclusively dudes in those flashes? Have you been wondering about what it would feel like to be with another man?
- Dude, no. I wouldn’t even know where to begin, or who to begin with.
- Well there’s probably some guys you think are attractive? I’d start there.
- Yeah but, I don’t even know if I want to start…
- Well… Maybe you should just give it a try. That’ll settle if it’s something you like or not… »
I was back to uncomfortable, even if that proposition seemed logical, I could wrap my head around the idea of experimenting like that. I wasn’t repulsed by it, but the thought of another guy close to me, intimate like I could have been with girls before was… unheard of. It’s not that I didn’t want to do it, but my brain wasn’t wired for that. Would I even enjoy it? Maybe I was just craving some kind of domination? It seemed like I had invited Aaron over for some answers and that I found myself even more lost than before.
« I don’t know man, » I answered. « I just never gave it any thought
- Well, I can suck your dick if you want. »
A-Bomb Aaron. He dropped that one in the most normal voice, I lifted my eyes and gazed at his look, obviously shocked at the proposal. A couple of seconds passed; then Aaron burst into laughter:
« Dude, I’m just messing with you, you should’ve seen your face. That was priceless. »
I was pissed, but relieved; I surely didn’t want to have to deal with that situation.
« You piece of shit, you got me scared there. » I said, bumping his arm. Aaron leaned back, still laughing a little. « But seriously, man, everyone’s figuring themselves out in some way. There’s no wrong way to be who you are. It’s not about fitting into some box. It’s about understanding yourself. And if you don’t have the answers today, that’s cool. You’ll get there. »
I let his words settle over me, the tension in my chest easing. Maybe I didn’t have all the answers, but I didn’t have to force them either. I glanced at Aaron, feeling oddly lighter. « Thanks, man, » I said quietly. « Seriously. » He grinned, giving me a nod. « No problem. Just remember, no one’s got it all figured out. Not even me. »
I chuckled, the sound a little hollow, but still real. « Yeah. I guess you’re right. »
We both sat there in silence for a while, the weight in my chest lightened, even if I didn’t have all the answers yet. The flashes hadn’t gone away, but maybe, just maybe, they didn’t need to be feared. Maybe they were just a part of something bigger I had yet to understand.
The silence stretched on a little longer, comfortable now. I was still processing everything Aaron had said, but somehow, things felt less complicated, less like a knot in my gut. The flashes were still there, but they weren’t as overwhelming anymore. I didn’t need to have all the answers tonight. Maybe just understanding that it was okay to not know everything was the first step.
Aaron shifted in his seat and glanced at his watch, a sign he was about to head out.
« Alright, man, » he said, stretching his arms over his head, « I should probably get going. »
I stood up too. It felt like I’d just started to scratch the surface of what was going on in my head, and I wasn’t ready to let go of the calm he’d helped bring to it.
« Thanks for coming over, Aaron, » I said, my voice a little softer than usual. « Seriously. »
He gave me a lopsided grin, his usual easy confidence back. « Anytime, man. That’s what friends are for, right? »
I nodded, feeling a warmth in my chest that wasn’t there before. It wasn’t just about the conversation, it was about the way he’d listened, how he’d made me feel like it was okay to not have it all figured out, like I wasn’t the only one fumbling through confusion.
As he reached for the door, I followed him, he pulled me into a quick hug. It was warm and familiar, something I didn’t even realise I needed until that moment. I stiffened for a second, surprised, but then I let myself relax into it.
« Take care of yourself, alright? » Aaron said softly as he pulled away, his hands clapping my shoulders. « You’ll figure it out. »
« Thanks, man, » I murmured, the weight in my chest feeling lighter than before. « I appreciate it. » Aaron walked out the door, and I watched him disappear into the night. I stood there for a while, just breathing. It felt like something had shifted, like I had just taken a small but important step forward, even if it wasn’t the giant leap I thought I needed.
The flashes hadn’t disappeared, for a moment they even brought me to a world where I would follow him into the darkness, remove his shirt and rip off his red t-shirt. But I manage to bring me back to the threshold of my room. I shut the door softly behind me, and for the first time in a long while, I didn’t feel so alone in my head, didn’t feel alone with my flashes, I knew I had to take them in, tame them, maybe even embrace them.
As I was headed to my bed, to finally be able to embrace a good night’s sleep, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.
—New from to « Claymore 🖤»
Clay: Dude you have to come over.
Clay: Right now.
Me: Man, it’s late, I was about to go to bed.
Clay: I found something about Peter
Clay. Come over. Right. Fuckin. Now.
This story is part of a series exploring the outrageous adventures of a tight-knit group of friends. It delves into the chaotic mix of bromance, experimentation, and discovering new boundaries of friendship and pleasure. While purely fictional, some moments may be loosely inspired by the author’s personal experiences. Feedback is always welcome!
Thank you for reading.
