Pillow Talk
“Do you think I should tell Larry about this?” David asked.
I’d been in the middle of wondering what non-smokers do after sex when David’s bizarre question disturbed my musings. I allowed my surprise to break the soft quiet which had settled between us after the final climax of our session. I rolled onto my side to face David and propped myself up on my elbow. “WHAT?” I asked.
David didn’t look toward me. He kept his hazel eyes on the ceiling while he spoke. “When he got out of jail, I told him everything.”
“Everything?” I asked.
David nodded at the ceiling. “You remember I wanted to go get Larry by myself? You insisted I take Walt’s station wagon instead of getting a taxi. I got Larry from the jail, and I drove us to where the Kingdom of Keystone used to be.”
David finally shifted his eyes to meet mine. “I didn’t realize that’s where we were when we read Ted’s letter. You should have told me the old house was gone.”
I tried to apologize, but David cut me off. He let his eyes drift back to the ceiling. “It wasn’t the time for memories that day. I suppose you wanted to spare my feelings, like you did when you didn’t let me see those pictures of the dead body you thought was Ted. If I didn’t have so much respect for you, Law, I’d be tempted to bawl you out for treating me like a child.” David turned his angry, hot gaze toward me. “I am not a child!” He insisted.
David blew a breath out. With it went the anger he’d expressed. “I know you meant well. Instead of blaming you for anything, I should be thanking you for everything. I do. I do thank you. That’s not the point, though. The point is that I took my son to the Kingdom of Keystone and told him everything.
“I told Larry about my family in Iowa, and about being disowned. I told him about coming here to Philly and about getting a job at Mitch’s. I even told him about meeting you, and about how badly I wanted you. Finally, I told Larry that the only reason he exists at all is the money you gave me when you felt like you had to save me from the evil of the city.”
I was dumbfounded. I remembered when David had said he planned to have no more secrets, but I assumed he was speaking from a fit of melancholy. I never thought he would follow through and expose his entire past to his son. “You really told him all that?” I asked in shock.
David nodded to the ceiling again. “I told him about the cynical speech you gave me on the train platform the day you sent me away. I repeated your words about how men hate. I told my son that I believed what you said back then. I believed it for years. I told him how the birth of my first child made me realize you were wrong.”
“I was?” I asked. I couldn’t remember what I’d said to David all those years ago. My old friend was good enough to remind me.
“I was hurt and confused from being attacked. I asked you why the world was mean. You said the world was mean because the world was full of people and people are full of hate.” David explained. “I thought you were right until I held Larry in my arms for the first time. It was then I understood that you said what you did because you were sad and bitter about your own life.
“In my infant son, I saw there were two choices before me. I could think like you and look for hate in every man I met, or I could look for love in all those same men. My newborn son, who had only known love and never hate, taught me that whatever I looked for is exactly what I would find.”
Walt shifted on the bed. He propped himself up behind me to express his thoughts. “That’s very profound, David.” Walt praised my friend. “You’re right. If you look for hate, you’ll find lots of it. If you look for love, you’ll find lots of that.”
I didn’t see where David was going with his reminder of a speech I’d given long ago. “What’s your point?” I asked.
“The point is, I told my son that his father is queer.” David said. “I told him that once upon a time, I was a bartender in a whorehouse. I told him that I was infatuated with the strongest, fiercest, toughest man I’d ever met in my life, Queen Madam’s Errant Hero of Law and Order. I told my son how much I owe the hero. I explained how I never thanked him for the kindness he showed me when I was at the lowest point of my life.”
“What did he say?” I asked.
“He hugged me, and he called me Daddy, like he hasn’t done in a long time. He said I’m the bravest man he knows. He said he’s proud to be my son. We cried together, he and I, right there on the steps of the Kingdom. I cried because I was so relieved that he was still willing to accept me for who I really am. He cried for the same reason.
“After we cried, I showed my son around the Kingdom of Keystone. I got a stick and drew in the dirt to show him how grand the old house was, and how grand it still is in here.” David said and tapped his index finger against his temple. “I told Larry about all our old friends, Madam Mitchell and her wigs and dresses, Charlie who got me the job, boyish Kaulana, both Brandons, Alex Scofield and the judge, all the amazing and fascinating people who came and went from the magical kingdom. I love that I could share those secrets with Larry. I’m so glad he understood.”
“He loves you.” I said to explain why Larry was so understanding.
David agreed. “He does. I’m a lucky man.”
“Yes, you are.” I said. “But I don’t think you should tell your boy that you spent the night between me and Walt. There is a such thing as too much information.”
David nodded like he agreed with me, then he asked a question I had no easy answer for. “Larry says we should get off the train in Iowa. He says he wants to meet my family. Do you think I should?”
“I don’t know.” I admitted. “Part of me thinks you should. A lot changes in twenty-odd years. Your father might have regretted what he did. Even if he didn’t, he might be dead, and your mother and your brothers and sisters might want to see you.
“Then there’s another part of me who thinks you should ride right past Iowa and go home. I have no idea how you would explain twenty-odd years of telling your wife your folks were dead and you were an only child. What could you tell her about why you left? There would be no property from dead parents to sell to be able to buy your land. You wouldn’t be able to explain the whole foundation of your life. It’s a minefield, David. I have no idea what you should do.”
Walt moved around on the bed until he could sit up to offer his thoughts directly to David. “You only get one family, David.” Walt said. “You should go see them. If they reject you, then you don’t have to explain anything to anybody and you can at least say you tried. If they accept you, then you’ll have to figure out how much you tell and to whom.
“My father accepted me. I told him I was queer when I was twenty and it never made a difference between us. My mother and my sister were another story. They rejected me, but they didn’t do it like your father or Law’s father did. Sometimes I think what they did was worse because they never broke with me, they just withheld their love. Now that my mother is dead, I doubt my sister would acknowledge me if I passed her on the street.”
“That’s sad.” David said.
Walt didn’t agree or disagree with David. He tried to make his point. “For better or worse, you should know where you stand with your family. As to what you tell your wife…I have no idea.”
My mind had been working while Walt was speaking. It gave me an idea. “Your father caught you with a hired hand, right?” I asked David.
“Yes.” David agreed. “He threw us both off the farm. The man had a car, an old Model T Ford or something like that. He offered me a ride into town, but I refused. I was too mixed up. I didn’t want to see the man again. I blamed him for what happened. Why?”
“Because you should keep on blaming him.” I suggested. “Tell your wife the man tried to rape you. Your father caught you in the middle of a struggle and he didn’t understand. You tried to explain but he wouldn’t listen. You were so hurt by your father’s cruelty that you never went back. You didn’t tell your wife, because being the victim of an attempted rape is something no man would admit to. It’s a small lie that explains everything. It won’t hurt the hired hand because he’s long gone. He might even be dead.”
Walt didn’t like my idea and said so. “I’m not wild about your plan, blaming someone for rape could have unintended consequences.”
“Or none at all.” I argued. “David isn’t taking an ad out in the paper. He’s explaining away a difficult time in his life and he’s only doing it with his immediate family. What other choice is there? How else could he explain running away from home and never going back?”
“I don’t have an answer,” Walt said to defend his position, “I just worry about possible fallout.”
I argued right back. “I don’t see how there could be any. Instead of being the object of scorn, David makes himself sympathetic. He was a victim of injustice. That’s true either way. David’s father committed a massive injustice against his son. This way, David can blame his father for part of the injustice and an unknown party for the rest of it. No one gets hurt, including David’s wife and kids. He’s got nine children. No one who knows him back in Montana would doubt his desire for his wife with that kind of proof.”
David considered my idea but didn’t commit to an action either way. “Maybe.” He said. “Larry and I can talk about it on the train. It’s nice to have someone to share my secret with. It’s especially nice that he’s my son. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know him again.”
“Good for you, David.” I said and rolled to lay flat on my back. “Let’s get some sleep. We’ve all got to get up early to see you off.”
Walt checked the electric alarm clock on his nightstand. “It’s almost midnight. I’m going to set the clock for five.”
I objected to the early hour. “Five! David’s train doesn’t pull out until nine. We don’t have to get up until seven.”
Walt set the clock for five and pulled out the little button which would make the buzzer sound when the time was right. He settled next to me before he explained his choice of time. “If we get up at five, we’ll have plenty of time to enjoy David again before he has to leave.”
I decided that I liked Walt’s idea of rising early better than my idea of getting more sleep. Since David had no objection, we left the clock set for five in the morning and drifted into sleep.
