Tucking David In
I closed the garage doors on the station wagon and led David to the front of the building which housed Walt’s Special and the apartment I lived in with Walt. I almost took David into the restaurant to feed him but decided against the idea. He was still drunk, too drunk to be trusted around people. I unlocked the street door to the apartment and showed David up. I brought him into the kitchen and had him sit at the knotty pinewood table Walt had inherited when his mother died.
I didn’t much like the table because it didn’t go with our modern kitchen. Its rustic country styling clashed with the yellow and brown print wallpaper, robin’s egg blue steel cabinets, and white porcelain appliances. I accepted the table’s presence because it was one of the only things Walt had been able to pry from of his sister’s grasp when their mother died. We used it because it was an heirloom, not because it suited the room.
I didn’t tell any of the story of the table to David because I doubted he would have been able to grasp it in his inebriated state. Instead, I opened the refrigerator to see what I could make for dinner. I called options to David as I checked the wire shelves. “There’s leftover fried chicken and split pea soup. If you don’t want that, I could make something fresh. What do you think?”
David didn’t answer me. I closed the fridge and looked toward the table to see if David had heard what I said. “David?” I asked. “Do you want the chicken or something else?”
David shook his head. “I don’t feel so good.” He said.
I asked what was wrong. David answered vaguely, like a sick child might. “I don’t know. I feel like my insides are tired.”
I realized that over an hour had passed since David’s last drink. The time which passed meant the booze was dying inside him. The best thing for David would be to sleep off what he’d drank, but he was an hour or more away from his bed. In the meantime, I decided to ply him with a little more booze to make him feel better.
I gave David a glass of water and made him drink it. When he finished, I mixed a pair of ginger ale and rye whiskey highballs for the two of us. I made David’s a double and told him to drink it slowly. He did as I asked, and his buoyant manner returned once he had half the drink under his belt.
The booze seemed to smother David’s tired feeling. It also took the sting out of my earlier rejection. I was glad. With David back to being happy and chatty, I was able to justify my part of what had happened between us. I comforted my guilty conscience by telling myself that David had likely already forgotten our kiss and the best thing I could do would be to forget it as well. ‘Forgotten is the same thing as if it never happened.’ I rationalized.
With David freshly drunk and my conscience soothed, I decided to make a very simple dinner for us. I put two pans on the stove and filled them with food. I put some thick slices of ham in one and ten scrambled eggs in the other. When the food was cooked, I split it between us, with the biggest portion for David, and served it up with a side of toast. I got myself a glass of water and sat to eat with my friend.
We made short work of the food. For dessert, I gave David a shot of rye in a tall glass. He balked at the straight liquor, but I made him drink it. He grimaced at the taste, like it was a spoonful of castor oil. I hoped the extra shot would keep him pleasantly drunk until he could get to sleep.
I dumped the dishes in the sink and put my overcoat on to walk David to his hotel. I took care to make sure my friend stayed with me while we crossed the busy thoroughfares of Broad Street and Vine. David was so distracted by the lights and the bustling city traffic, I just about had to hold his hand to keep him from stopping in the middle of the street to gawk.
I escorted David through the opulent lobby of the Broadwood Hotel and into the brass trimmed elevator. We rode to the eighth floor, where David’s room was. I helped him into the double-occupancy room and sat him on the edge of one of the beds. I peered into his glassy eyes and asked if he was alright.
“I’m great!” David exclaimed into my face. “Thanks for looking after me, Law.”
I patted his shoulder and offered some praise for David’s efforts that day. “You did well today. I’m proud of you. We made good progress. We’ve got a path forward now. There’s still got a lot of work to do, so get some sleep. It’s gonna be another long day tomorrow. Be at my place at seven. Don’t knock. I’ll come down and get you. I’ll make us breakfast and we can talk about next steps.”
David nodded his agreement. I patted his shoulder again, then turned to leave. I was almost to the door when David hugged me from behind. He wrapped his arms around my chest and pinned my arms to my sides. He laid his head on my shoulder and let his hot breath caress my ear. “Don’t go.” He whispered to me. “Stay with me. Show me what it’s like to be loved by a real man.”
David felt incredible wrapped around my body. I felt like I belonged in his arms. My better judgement abandoned me and my will started to fade. I wanted to lean back into David, to surrender to his desire and his impressive strength. I wanted to give into my own desires, both past and present. I knew it was wrong, but I lacked the fortitude to refuse something I very much wanted.
I closed my eyes to search for my missing better judgement. In the darkness behind my eyelids, I saw the lights of the bridge tower. The tower became the image of my husband. I held his image in my mind and cursed myself for being weak.
I gathered my will and tore myself from David’s grasp. I rounded on him angrily. “DAMNIT, DAVID!” I scolded. David shrank from my anger again. I was tempted to feel bad for shouting, but I smothered the impulse. I was angry with him for tempting me. I was angrier with myself for almost giving in. My lack of will wasn’t David’s fault, so I lowered my voice. “I told you that I can’t. I told you why. Don’t ask me again.”
David hung his head. Whether he did it out of shame or sadness, I didn’t know. “I’m sorry, Law.” He apologized. “It’s just…I never thought I’d see you again. I wanted you for so long and now here you are. It’s tough to keep my hands to myself.”
I tried to figure out why David was so attracted to me. He’d thrown himself at me twice like I was Samson, and he was Delilah. I didn’t get that. David was beautiful, he had been years ago, and he still was. I’d never been beautiful and now that I was almost fifty-three years old, I couldn’t even pretend. My hair was going grey, and my face had more lines than a herringbone tie.
I quickly decided the reasons didn’t matter. The point was, I wasn’t going to permit myself to cheat on Walt with anyone. I wanted David badly, but it didn’t matter. I rejected him again, but I tried to do so with kindness. I didn’t see any reason to use harsh words, especially with someone who was going through as difficult a time as David was. I reasoned that David’s apparent attraction to me was a heck of a compliment. I decided to treat it that way.
“I’m sorry I yelled, but…but,” I took a breath to give myself a minute to figure out how to make my point. “Look,” I said at last, “I’m attracted to you, but it doesn’t matter because I belong to Walt. Don’t tempt me to betray my husband. It’s not fair of you to do that to me.”
David apologized again. “I’m sorry.”
I waited to see if he had more to say. When he remained silent, I took the opportunity to take my leave. “Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I left the room and shut the door behind me. I waited in the corridor until I heard the lock click home, then I left. I rode the elevator to the lobby and exited the hotel through the polished brass revolving door.
When I was out on the darkened street, I turned my steps toward Walt’s Special and brooded over the two times David had made advances toward me. I monologued to work things out in my head. ‘I kissed another man tonight. Well, he kissed me, but I responded. If not for those bridge lights, I might have given in.’
I shook my head at the sidewalk at my feet. ‘No, I don’t think I would have. I’m not some damn kid who lets his pecker do all his thinking for him. I would have stopped before things went too far. I might have kissed him a little more. I might have even put my hands on him, but I wouldn’t have done anything.’
I felt better once I convinced myself that I wouldn’t have betrayed Walt. ‘Still, I’m horny as fuck. Walt hasn’t been interested in sex since he got that fucking Firestone letter. It’s been almost six weeks. I’m looking forward to when he gets the next letter, and all this is over. Win, lose, or draw, I want my husband back. I’m tired of living with a bundle of raw nerves. I’ve never seen Walt like this. He’s usually the steady one and I’m the one who’s all knotted up inside.’
I focused on that thought and turned it over in my head. I decided it wasn’t so. I realized that since Walt and I were married, I hadn’t felt like I used to, not even once. My guts didn’t twist and crawl like they did before. ‘Funny.’ I thought. ‘The first time I was pain free was with David and the second time was with Walt. I guess all the agony was in my head like the docs said it was.’
“Weird.” I said aloud as I crossed Broad Street toward the restaurant. I approached the front of the building because I had some idea that I would just go home and crawl into bed. I was tired from the long, emotional day and from not enough sleep. My conscience wouldn’t let me follow through with my plan. No matter how fed up I was with Walt and his nerves, I knew that behind Walt’s short temper and abrupt mood changes, was stress. I also knew that he was likely more stressed with me absent from the kitchen. I decided I had to check on him.
I detoured from the front of the restaurant toward the alley around the back. As I walked, I tried to decide if I should tell Walt about David’s advances or not. ‘Not.’ I decided at length. ‘No reason to give him anything else to worry about. Not that Walt should be worried, but I don’t want him angry at David.’
I felt better to have the matter settled in my mind as I entered the alley and walked toward the back of Walt’s Special.
