“ALL RIGHT,” Dan said in the parish house. “How about you tell me, why you want to see dirty movies? I mean, what’s in them for you?”
“You know, Father! I mean... You know what’s in them?” Then a new thought occurred to him. “You do know, don’t you, Father Dan?”
“Of course I don’t,” Dan muttered, deadpan, as he circled the large dining room table. “I’ve been a priest my whole life. I came out of my mother’s womb with a Roman collar and I was never a teenager.”
Brendan sniggered and said, “Well, then you do know… Sex.”
“Yes, Brendan.”
Dan, who was restless, and like to walk around a lot, finally sat down across from the boy.
“But there’s usually something else. Like, if it’s violent you like the violence or the force and then that’s what appeals to you. Or if it’s soft then you want affection and love, and that’s what’s appealing to you. Every porn is a fantasy and there is something in the fantasy that you like. I mean, you probably don’t like every dirty movie you’ve seen. So, you should figure out what it is in the dirty movies that appeals to you.”
“You know a lot about porn,” Brendan said.
Dan went red and said, “I know a lot about people. I know a lot about fantasy. I know a lot about me.”
Brendan nodded and shrugged.
“I guess it’s the affection. I guess it’s the touching. I’ve seen… the mean stuff. I don’t like that. I’ve seen the rough stuff and I sort of… I guess the whole idea of just letting go and feeling that intensely… That excites me. The whole… wait till you’re married thing. My mother waited till she was married and my dad was horrible to her. Then he left her. I mean, what makes marriage different than anything else? If she’d just… done it with him, then I think that might have been better.”
Dan rolled his eyes and laughed.
“You’re supposed to tell me I’m wrong, Father.”
“If I was a liberal, progressive, hell raising priest I would tell you how right you were. If I was naïve and afraid, I’d tell you I was scandalized. But… I’m me, and me can only listen.”
“And then… I don’t think I want to be married.”
“Not even to Dena?”
“Oh, Father, I like Dena. I mean… I love Dena. But… I… When I think about… making love, I don’t think about her. I don’t want to.”
“Maybe you just have a hard time putting your love for Dena with physical desire. I mean, maybe it just embarrasses you?”
“No. I mean. It doesn’t add up. It doesn’t match.”
“Maybe it does but you don’t—”
“Father,” Brendan said sharply.
Dan nodded.
“I think I’m gay.”
“Okay, so did you kiss him?”
“None of your business,” Layla told her.
“How long have I been your best friend?” Dena said, pulling her legs up on the bed.
“Since we were infants,” Layla said, poetically.
“And you’re not going to tell me if you kissed him or not?”
“I didn’t kiss him,” Layla said.
“Oh.”
“He kissed me.”
“Layla!”
“Listen to you, all ‘Layla!’ Are you gonna ask me if it was “Dreamy” now?”
“Was it dreamy?”
“It was wet,” Layla told her. “He did it right as I was getting out of the car. Just slammed one right on me. I almost punched him.”
“What for?”
“Just…. On principle.”
“I don’t get that.”
“You just don’t take advantage of a woman like that,” Layla said. “You just don’t invite yourself to kiss someone.”
“What was he supposed to do? Ask?”
“Is there something wrong with asking? Yes. He damn well could have asked.
“But then,” Layla admitted, “I realized I wanted to be kissed, and I was just getting worked up for no reason. Then I wanted to kiss him back.”
“You kissed him back.”
“No. I’m a lady,” Layla told her. “I said I wanted to kiss him back. And I will.”
“You will?”
“Oh, yes,” Layla said, sagely. “On our next date.”
“So there’s love!”
“No,” Layla said. “There’s a second date.
“Why did I give Will such a hard time? Why didn’t I just go out with him when he asked? I mean, he’s a really nice guy. A bad kisser. But a really nice guy. Why did I give him such a hard time?”
“Cause you’re a cantankerous old bitch.”
“Well, yeah,” Layla allowed. “And he is white,” she added.
“What?”
“Well, you know that factored into it,” Layla said. “I had to look around and see if there were any Black folks around before I settled on some white boy who was not going to understand me.”
“You think that?”
“You don’t?”
Dena was silent for a moment. She took a breath and said, “Well… You have a point. But you think Will won’t get you?”
“No,” Layla said. “But I thought Will wouldn’t get me.”
“IT’S HOT AS HELL in this house,” Todd said.
“That’s right,” Fenn took a puff from his cigarette, and exhaled a gush of smoke. “And one of the first things we can do with that money is get central air. Get central air,” he added, “after we’ve paid for the house out right. And then…”
“And then what?” Todd reached for Fenn’s cigarette pack and his lighter.
“And then we can do whatever the fuck we want to. We can you know,” Fenn added, taking another drag.
“Fenn,” Todd said.
“Yes?”
“What if I said… What if I said it was the money or me? That you’d have to choose between us?”
“I would say that you’re a fool. And I’d ignore you. Cause you know me too well. And, I think I know you.”
“You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”
“You know I am.”
“I really, really, can’t get you to turn this in to the police?”
“Todd, I have a question for you now.”
“All right.”
“If… in your heart of hearts, you really, really believed that I was thinking of turning this into the police, would you fight me so hard? Or is it the fact that you know I’m not going to do it that gives you the ability to feel… better about yourself by casting yourself as the innocent party?”
“Fenn!”
` “Don’t Fenn me. Be honest with me. I’ve known you since we were kids. Or at least since you were a kid.”
Fenn sucked on his cigarette until the cherry glowed bright orange, and through the smoke his gaze was unrelenting.
“I don’t know,” Todd said, at last. “I’m really not sure. But… if you’re in I’m in. That’s what being partners means, right?”
Fenn nodded.
“When I fell in with you,” Todd told him, “I knew what I’d signed on for. I knew I didn’t want to be married. I knew I didn’t want a wife. And there were those really lame gay couples, you know the ones who hide out at church or a social club and they’re so pretty and dull. Maybe they adopt a Chinese kid and give back something to the world. You see them on Oprah. Or those trailer trash folks that have threesomes and get high all the time and think they’re exciting but… they’re just trash. They’re just pathetic.
“I mean, when I knew what I was I started to think my options were pretty limited, that there really wasn’t a guy I could do anything with beyond… you know, screwing occasionally. I actually almost thought regular marriage would be better. And then there you were, like you are now, with that… cigarette in your hand, and the devil in your eye—”
“Devil in my eye!”
“Looking so… bad! Like you would get me into all sorts of trouble, like we would never, ever be bored.”
Fenn grinned and said, his foot reaching out to tap the bag, “You’re in?”
Todd nodded his head and smiled, grimly. He threw up tired hands and, walking toward the kitchen said: “Fuck, yeah, babe. I’m in.”
“ARE YOU READY to go?”
“I’m ready, but I’m gonna get out of this wheelchair.”
“Bup bup bup!” said the nurse who was pushing him.
“You better stay, Noah,” Paul said. “It’s hospital orders.”
“Where are we going, anyway?” Noah asked him.
“Well, Todd leant me his Land Rover. And then, well, we’re actually going to stay at Todd and Fenn’s house.
“God, Noah, this day has been really amazing.”
The elevator door swung open, and Noah said, “Amazing, but not in that good way.”
“I don’t know, Noah. Amazing in that really, really interesting way. There’s so much, and I don’t know how much to tell you.”
Noah frowned. He was really a very pretty boy. It was always easy to shoot scenes with him. The elevator was sucked down to the mezzanine.
“Is it something bad?” Noah demanded.
“No, Noah. It’s absolutely good. It’s really some of the best news in the world.”
“A’right?” Noah said, suspiciously. “Well… can you tell me a little?”
“No. I absolutely can’t,” Paul told him.
Noah shrugged.
“What are we gonna do on Monday? Is Guy getting out of jail or what?”
The elevator doors opened, and as the nurse bumped Noah out of the elevator and began rolling toward the door Paul said, “I’ll tell you everything. I just need to get the car.”
He ran off, feeling stupid for not getting it earlier, and Noah murmured, “I might have to go back to California.”
“California,” the nurse said. “I always wanted to go. My brother says it’s wonderful. What’s it like?”
“Hot,” Noah said, feeling ungracious. “Hot and full of earthquakes, Mexicans and gullible Midwesterners. Stay in Indiana.”
The nurse said, “Um.”
She stayed with Noah, waiting for the approach of the Land Rover, and then when it came, Paul hopped out, a very handsome man in cargo shorts and a striped Polo shirt. Innocent looking.
“Is he your brother?”
“No,” Noah said. “He’s a… co-worker.”
“Oh, really?” she said.
“All right,” Paul said. “Get up carefully.”
“I’m not a china doll. I was just a little screwed up. I can get up,” Noah said.
Paul laughed and said, “Well, get up, then.”
The nurse said to Noah, “He must be a really good friend, too.”
“Yes,” Noah said, suddenly feeling a little ashamed of his attitude. “Yes, he is.”
