It wasn’t a declaration of love, or even a declaration of desire. But more of our way of saying, “I got you and you got me.”
After our talk, his arm wrapped around me and pulled our shoulders together, our heads leaning on one another as we stared off into the setting sun. His breathing matched mine, his hand squeezed my arm, and it felt as if we were the only two on this God forsaken island.
I don’t know how long we sat there on our little hill, but I could’ve sat there for an eternity. In his hold, in his grasp, in the presence of this man. I felt safe. I felt– transported to a different time, a different place where we weren’t starving and weren’t fighting for our lives. I was taken somewhere warm and bright, filled with an abundance of satiating light. I wanted to stay there, do anything to stay there.
But as the ball of sunshine in the distance hit the horizon, as the clouds turned pink and orange, reality came crashing down all around me. “We should probably get back.” He whispered, almost like he too didn’t want this moment to end, like he too was transported to a different place.
My eyes closed to bask in those last few seconds, “Do we have to?” I smiled at the rumble of soft laughter that escaped him. “I think I’d rather sleep here anyway.”
His head left mine along with his hand, sliding to his feet and turning to face me. “And leave those dingbats to fend for themselves?” He teased, those pink lips of his cracking into a smirk before leaning down and kissing my forehead. “C’mon.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, leading me down the fine sand towards camp.
Even if hunger was the most prevalent thought, even if escaping this fucked up island was on all our minds– my hand in his made it all the more tolerable. And despite the calming nature of our time spent together, despite the way he knew exactly what to say to me; my brain still raced a mile a minute. Especially as we neared camp and the light of our fire came into view. Were we supposed to act normal? Were we supposed to act like nothing happened back there? Was I supposed to act like everything he did, didn’t make my heart flutter?
I wasn’t sure of the answers, but instead I took the reins of disconnecting our hands, gave myself the power to decide so that no one but me could hurt my feelings. There was no way to know how he wanted things to go, if he wanted anyone to know– the only way was to ask. And I was not ready for his answer.
So we approached camp in a tired state, Aria already fast asleep and the other three staring blankly, sharing few words between them until they saw us. “There’s some water there for you two.” Zack motioned to four seashells brimming with liquid to which we gulped from. My stomach lurched as the cold water collided with its emptiness, growling and turning until I clutched my abdomen.
Dallas asked how Aria was and luckily there were positive remarks on her well-being. But I knew that what crossed everyone’s mind was the lack of food, and the question of if Dallas would catch something in the water tomorrow. I nestled into the sand, preferring it over braided mats, and warmed by hands and feet by the fire. And if it weren’t for my brother’s look, if it weren’t for those pesky raised brows and knowing brown eyes– I wouldn’t think twice about sitting so close to Dallas.
“It’s June sixteenth tomorrow.” My brother muttered, subtly reminding me of what that means.
Zack didn’t seem to care, “And today is the fifteenth.” He said, not understanding what my brother was really trying to say, what he was trying to get me to admit.
Dallas leaned closer to me, “What’s the sixteenth?”
“Nothing.” I admitted, the sixteenth was nothing. It wasn’t about tomorrow, it was about the week, it was about the days that followed.
My brother piped up, “Carter’s birthday is the twentieth.” And of course I was met with uneasy eyes and looks of apology. “It’s the big two three.”
“Can you shut up?” I retorted. There was no celebration out here, nothing we could do out here. I silently hoped that we’d escape this place before my birthday arrived and was prepared to keep it secret if we hadn’t. But Dallas bumped his shoulder into me, smiled at me, and warmed the lonely feeling within my chest.
I had plans for a trip to Washington, to see the Seattle needle and drink coffee in the rain. Plans that would probably never happen now, plans I should just forget ever existed. “Sometimes I forget how young you are.” Gem added, like she was some old woman compared to me.
And soon conversation sprung about ages and birthdays and the hope that we wouldn’t be stuck out here for all of them. I stayed quiet though, internalizing the fear we all felt. The fear of being stuck out here forever. Yes, I admitted to Dallas that I dreamed of a world where we never left this island, but in those dreams we have houses and food and games and life. The reality is… we have none of that, and probably never will. Not out here.
So I droned out their conversation, laid flat on my back and closed my eyes– trying desperately to go back to that place of peace. But all I could hear was my brother’s voice, among all the others, it was his voice that spoke so prominently. It was his voice that lulled me into a day-dream, his voice that put me back on that boat…
The sun beat down on us. Half of the shaded awning had been ripped off during the last storm, and after everything I said a day ago– I felt it was my duty to punish myself. We all sat around, dotted across the boat in positions we’d become comfortable in. My hope had long faded, my spirit long broken.
I laid there waiting for imminent death, fantasized about it, yearned for it. I was hungry, I was thirsty, and I was sick and fucking tired of drifting on this hunk of plastic. Something had to happen. Something had to change. I’d close my eyes and wish for it, pray for it– for anything to fucking happen.
And it was as if the heavens opened that fifth day out there, as if God finally answered one of our prayers. Aria shrieked as she laid her eyes upon it, pointed in the direction of a mound of land in the distance. All of our energy returned, for a second it was like we never lost any to begin with. We went days without smiles, days without hope– but right there, maybe just a mile or two away.
Land.
It wasn’t a question of if we could make it there, it wasn’t a question of if we had the energy to swim that distance. That just simply didn’t matter anymore. One by one we jumped into the freezing water, rushing to the land we thought would be our saving grace. It looked massive from afar, like a resort could be hidden on its backside with jet skis and rafts and a boat to take us home.
I never swam so fast in my life, never kicked my feet so deliberately and willingly. Every rush of hope came flooding back into me, thoughts of my parents and friends and life back home. I would’ve swam as far as I needed, would’ve ran against the strongest of currents if that meant certain freedom. But I’m sure you could imagine how disappointed we were as we climbed exhaustedly onto the white sand, as we yelled and screamed for help to anyone who would listen.
But no one was listening, no one was here. Zack took off running, Dallas right behind him. My brother screamed his lungs out while Aria and Gem sank into the sand. I… I just couldn’t be bothered. The resumption of how I felt on that boat returned to me as I looked out onto the sea, as I watched that white boat turn into a pebble in the distance– drifting away like we had been.
We were stuck, we were screwed. And I dropped to my knees and cried.
: : : : :
At some point during that reminiscent dream– or nightmare– I did fall asleep. And to my surprise, my eyes opened to Dallas’s head resting on my chest, his arm hooked around me, and his leg intertwined with mine in the sand. It was as if all my other worries faded for a short moment, as if all I cared about was the closeness of our bodies that laid together.
I tried my best to stay still, to savor the moment for as long as I could before he woke up and decided differently. But this man is full of surprises. Within minutes of me enjoying his company, I felt his breathing labor and his head rise from my chest. “Morning.” I whispered, offering a coy smile in the rising sun.
And God damn me, but the look of his morning face, dazed and confused but genuinely happy to see me… it filled my heart with the warmth of a thousand sunrises. “Morni–” He started, but cut himself off as he turned to face me, pressing what felt like a metal rod into my thigh. I blushed deeply as he sat up, as I’m certain that he adjusted himself and stared out to the brightening sea. “Morning.” He whispered back, a twinge of embarrassment flooding his raspy morning voice.
I sat up too, leaned my shoulder into his and smirked at the obvious bulge inside his boxers. It looked big, it looked– thick. But there was only so much of it I could make out with the fabric of his boxers that encased it. “Don’t be embarrassed.”
He shoved me, a teasing smirk on his lips as he looked down at himself, as his eyes drifted back to mine and released the tension in his shoulders. “I’m not.” He shook his head, knowing all too well of what I saw, of what I felt. He leaned back on his hands and I watched as he stared at me, as he silently deliberated whether he should unbend his knees.
I let a smile take to my lips before peering behind us at the others who still managed to sleep through the creeping sunlight. Was it a risky move to scan my eyes down his body? Was it entirely selfish of me to stare at his perfect body in this perfectly compromising position? I couldn’t tell you, but I went for it and let my gaze drift down his stubbled face, down to his pecs that reflected the sun– down to that happy trail of hair that ended at his belly button.
And it’s like his body was in tune with my wandering eyes, as his abs tensed and his knees straightened, as I landed my gaze upon the strain in his boxers. A blush ran to my face and curved my parted lips as he whispered, “Like what you see?” His confidence was intoxicating, even if just a moment ago his nerves had him hiding. Now… well now– it didn’t seem like he cared one bit.
I nodded my head, bit my bottom lip, my own strain forming underneath my shorts. Maybe it was the thrill of us being near everyone else, or the thrill of it being new, but I could feel his eyes on me as my breathing labored. I met his eyes that bore into mine, “Do you like what you see?” I whispered back, wondering if it was just the attention that excited him, if it was just the thought of someone being into him that he craved. Or if it was me– was it me?
His lips curved and showed off those white, straight teeth. He inched closer to me so that our legs now touched, so that our waists now brushed together, “I do.” Is all he said, before letting those deep green eyes run down my bare chest. “I really do.”
My heart fluttered, my insides churned and my eyes fell back to the swollen bulge between his legs. And I sucked in a sharp breath as his hand came into view, as it snaked around himself and squeezed. “You two are up?”
We immediately created distance between us and I cleared my throat as I registered Gem’s voice who spoke up from behind us. I turned to her, red in the face; “Yeah, morning.” She was barely sitting up and rubbing her eyes as Dallas adjusted himself, as I saw the deep blush take over his cheeks. It made me smile seeing him so flustered, whether that be from embarrassment or instinct or whatever. It was cute.
But our moment together ended soon enough as the rest of everyone started to wake up after Gem, my brother, then Zack and lastly the fragile Aria. She was better than yesterday, it was clear in her face and color, but her energy was depleted and she couldn’t do much but sit and weave and rest.
“I’ll help you in the water today man.” Shawn told Dallas, hoisting himself up to add kindling to the fire. But the moment he stood, he dropped back to his knees and clutched his head. “Fuck.” Gem asked if he was okay, “I’m fine, just light headed.” And he grunted through the pain as he threw more sticks and dried fronds into the embers.
We were all deteriorating, water only supplied us with needed nutrition to stay alive. Energy? That’s a different story. Aria was out of it, and the rest of us weren’t too far behind her. “Carter can help me in the water bro.” Dallas added, “You can barely stand.”
“No.” Shawn demanded, standing again and leaning against a nearby tree. “I’m good.”
Gem laid a reassuring hand on his feet, looking up to him with her blue eyes, “Babe, maybe you should rest today.” But he waved a dismissive hand in her direction and focused his eyes on Dallas, assuring him that he was fine to help in the water.
I could sense the overwhelming guilt creeping back to him, that guilt I had no shame in using against him. He worked on the stone, took credit for the water, but we were fucking starving. I could tell he just wanted to help the cause, he wanted to do anything that would help us out of these ruining conditions. “I’ll help Dallas.” Zack chimed in, “I did just about nothing yesterday.”
And to that we settled.
In just a few minutes, Zack and Dallas were out in the water with the makeshift net, my brother was back to laying down and the girls tended to the fire and water station. Truly there wasn’t much else to do, if there was, I would do it– and I’m sure my brother would jump on the opportunity too. But more feet in the water would only scare off any fish.
I let a long sigh escape my lips as I plopped to my back, as I stared out at the blue sky like I did on that boat. Was there any hope for us out here? Is there even a chance of survival?
But a sign came into vision, an actual fucking sign.
“Guys.” I leaned up and pointed to the sky, “Guys!” The girls and my brother followed my finger to the air, to the flock of birds that soared high in the distance.
We went silent for a moment watching them, “Don’t birds run from storms?” Aria mentioned.
“I don’t kno–”
A scream pierced the beach as we all turned to look out at Dallas who struggled keeping his stance, and Zack who was being swept into the ocean. What the fuck is happening? We all struggled to our feet and ran to the waters edge that was pulling and pulling and tearing at the beach. I watched Dallas sink his teeth into the net and give us one last look before diving after his friend.
“Zack!” Aria tumbled down the newly exposed sand, littered in shells and seaweed. “Zack!” I took her wrist to keep her fragile and weak body from being swept in the current too.
We all fell eerily silent, the island fell eerily silent.
Dallas reached him, they were both being swept into the lowering tide of the ocean. And suddenly a rumbling could be felt at our feet, one that made all of us share uneasy and frightful looks. The birds began cawing from the treetops and this overwhelming feeling of dread fell upon all of us. “Zack!” Aria screamed again.
I could see the fear on their faces. I could see the struggle in their bodies as every ounce of energy was used to pull themselves free of the current. My eyes darted beyond them to the distant ocean, to a mound of water that wasn’t there before… and it hit me…
“Tsunami.” I whispered.
And I pulled Aria back, knocked her to ass and ran for the boys, my brother right behind me. I didn’t care of being swept away, not if I could help them out. For a moment I thought the tide was changing, that maybe a storm off the coast could be pulling at the water. But that mound growing on the horizon only confirmed my suspicions.
My feet hit the water and it just about knocked me off balance with how strongly it pulled at the sand underneath my feet. “Take my hand!” I outstretched my arm, hoping one of them could reach, hoping something could free them from the pull of the ocean. Another step and I’d be in their shoes, I had to think quickly.
“Throw the net!” My brother yelled from behind me, genius. “Throw the net!” He yelled again.
Dallas unhooked his teeth from it, and threw. I grabbed hold of the tightly braided threading and yanked as hard as I could, my brother now holding the underneath of my arms and pulling me along with him. Zack held on to one of Dallas’s hands, his other connected to the net we pulled at.
I could hear the estranged screams from the girls, the grunts from my brother, the loud and piercing scream that escaped Dallas’s lips as we pulled one end of him and the ocean pulled at the other. But we broke through and I collapsed into my brother on the wet sand, Dallas pulling Zack into him as the girls rushed to our sides. “What the fuck is happening?” Dallas was out of breath, Zack was sputtering water from his mouth and coughing up a storm.
My eyes drifted back to the mound, that rising wall of water that inched closer and closer. “We have to go.” I demanded, scrambling to my feet and grabbing Dallas’s hand.
“Wha–” He turned and looked and saw it immediately, that’s how fast it was hurtling towards us. “Please tell me that’s just a wave.” My brother was heaving Zack to his feet, screaming that we needed to run.
And it wasn’t long for us to all be on the same page. We bolted up the beach, running as fast as we could. But as I turned to make sure the girls and Zack and my brother were keeping up behind Dallas and I… I saw it– something shiny in the uncovered sand.
The others ran past my still body, Dallas pulled at my hand to keep moving. No.
I slipped out of his grasp, I stared out at the raging water beyond and ran as fast as I could back to the shore. “What are you doing?” Dallas screamed but I didn’t flinch, I didn’t care. “Carter!” I slid on the wet sand and knelt down to it, wiped off the algae and sand that half covered it. A machete, a rusted and worn, but useful machete.
He grabbed my wrists, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” His green eyes were wide in horror and fear and filled with certain death. We peered into the sea, that mound as far as the boat was on the day we abandoned it. “We need to move, now!”
And we resumed our run on the beach and broke through the treeline. It was like our minds moved in sync as we took the path to that winded tree, to that tree we knew we could climb. The rumbling became more apparent and the roar of water grew closer, the birds above screamed almost as loudly as we did.
Where were the others? We lost them.
We found the tree and he hoisted me into it, screaming at me to climb as he looked behind him. My feet were scraped up by whatever we ran on top of, dripping blood down the tree as I kept losing my footing. But in that moment, we heard it. The wave broke the beach and Dallas came climbing after me.
“You gotta climb, Carter!”
“I can’t, I’m slipping!” I freed my grasp of the machete by wacking at the palm until it stuck. “I can’t get up!”
He placed his head between my legs and used every ounce of his strength to lift us both. He screamed out as I heard crunching and rustling and waves crashing in the distance.
“Just climb above me!” I yelled down to him.
He screamed again, inching us further into the tree, “No! I’m not fucking leaving you.” He inched us further again, but we were only maybe ten or so feet from the ground.
“Dallas…” I watched it near, “Dallas…” I screamed, “Hold your brea–”
And the water smacked us dead on, pulling at my body, at my limbs– ripping me from the tree as I tumbled through the crashing wave. I smacked into several palms underneath the water, felt one of my toes crunch and something stab into my side. But I gripped onto another tree, held on for dear life as the water continued to pull at me.
I was running out of air. I needed to pull myself out of the wave. I tried climbing, tried using the water and oxygen within me to float myself to the top. My hands shaved up the palm tree, scraping along the sides until I could bring my head just barely above the water to inhale a deep breath. “Carter!” I heard him scream, “Carter!” His voice sounded hoarse, sounded scared.
I coughed whatever water I ingested and held tightly around the palm tree, the water no longer rising, but still flowing past me at a fast pace. “Dal–” I winced in pain, my side throbbing where something had poked me.
“Carter?” I could just feel the emotion behind his voice, the panic and struggle and fear. “Carter? Are you okay?” I tried to answer but I couldn’t, I needed every ounce of strength to hold on.
But it didn’t take long for the water to subside, for the water to start to lower my body to the ground. It seemed like the wave went right over the small island, like an inferior little pebble in its way. The ground was soaked and nasty and filled with broken branches. I could see several trees around me that were ripped from the ground– or their trunks tore in half. Suddenly seeing through the woods was easy as the foliage was decimated.
I heard his voice again, “Carter?” Along with distant voices of the others.
“Over here.” I clutched my side and fell to the ground, widening my eyes at the blood that pumped through my fingers. Oh my God, I’m going to die. I’m going to die on this fucking island.
He found me, “No…” he bent down to me, “No…” I couldn’t speak, the pain in my side surged with every breath I tried to take. He pulled at my shorts, pulled them clean off my body and pressed them around my hands. “You’ll be okay…” He didn’t sound convinced, not with the tears brimming in his eyes. “Fuck…” He applied pressure to the gushing blood, a pale look on his face.
My energy was depleted, but I hooked a single finger around his, smiling as I closed my eyes.
“Carter?” He gasped, shaking my shoulder with a free hand, “No, no, no, no…” I could hear the shaky break escaping him, “Help!” He screamed, “Help!” He used his torso to hold my shorts on the gash, “Stay with me Carter.” And I felt my body leave the ground, felt my body pull to his as he lifted me from the broken island.
I couldn’t open my eyes, I had to focus on how to breathe.
“Help!” He screamed again, running with me in his arms. “It’ll be okay Carter, it’ll be okay.” He assured me, assured my bleeding body– assured my fading spirit. “Please hang on.” He begged me as he ran, “Please, just hang the fuck on.” I felt his voice becoming distant as the surge of pain dwindled. “Please don’t leave me.” He begged.
“Please…” His cries were distant, “Don’t fucking leave me.”
The world was dimming to dark, his voice fading to almost nothing.
“I can’t fucking lose you.”
Internally I smiled, internally I felt fine– I felt… high and in the clouds. But everything around me was turning black, the air and his voice and the panting breaths of the others.
“Carter, please.” I heard him say, heard distant screams and shrieks and fuzzy hands on my body. But I was leaving, it was my time to go… but I heard two final words– two words that made leaving just that much harder.
“Don’t go.”
T.C. - do not fear the worst... or do... whatever ya want. Obviously the story doesn't end here, so I'm sure you can guess that things can only go up from here... right?
