It was supposed to be a boat day, a typically fun and drunken boat day.
Boy was I wrong.
I sat with my knees pulled to my chest, alone with just the steady crashes of waves and flurries of insects in the distance. The horizon seemed endless, like there wasn’t a shot in hell that we drifted so far. But this is the second sun I’ve watched peak through the darkness and burn my skin, the second morning stuck here.
My jaw tensed as he staggered into my view, as he silently fixed our signal in the sand that last night’s high tide ruined. An “S.O.S” written in the sand, I rolled my eyes, like anyone would see that on such a skinny strip of beach. I could barely look at him, could barely stand the thought of him as he used a stick to tear through the wet sand. I shielded myself from him with the palm frond that kept me company at night.
It didn’t matter if he didn’t mean for this to happen, it didn't matter what the excuse might be. And it surely didn’t matter that he was my brother– he was an idiot.
All I could hope for was our family or someone who cared enough about the six of us to send rescue after we didn’t return. You’d think that six missing adults would be enough to send out search parties, that someone would’ve found us by now. But no, we weren’t so lucky.
This wasn’t only day two, this wasn’t the time for endless hope and divine intervention. We may have found this island, found ground to walk upon. But this wasn’t the beginning of our journey– no. This journey started on that horizon, on that boat that must be capsized by now, on that boat we jumped from so that we could swim to safety– or lack of.
I pulled myself to my feet slowly, being sure to not let the lack of sustenance take a toll on my fatigued and trembling body. Now that the sun had risen, I felt safe in the trees with everyone else. Aria and Zack still laid side by side, huddled together on a pile of twisted fronds. “Morning.” Dallas whispered, his eyes focused intently on a picture he drew in the dirt.
I cracked a half-witted smile, “Morning.” I slumped against the base of a tree, sliding down to the ground and resuming my knee hugged position.
Slivers of light rained in from above the canopy of leaves, casting highlights to our sorry excuse of a shelter. Considering most of us spoke so little words since that first night here, it’s not so unpredictable that we’d get little done. Not that we expected to. What we expected was grace, was life– civilization. But instead we got a barren, fruitless island and nothing but hope-shattering time on our hands.
“I was thinking…” He started, still staring at the little image in the dirt. His fingers were coated in it, his hair stuck in different directions– “we should try for fire again.” I shook my head silently, “I was thinking if we could find glass on the beach, maybe we could use the sun.” I scoffed.
His eyes darted to mine, a scowl entranced on his lips. “For what?” I asked.
He stood without an answer, but not without a comment; “Some of us want to get back to our lives.” He muttered, grabbing a long stick to steady himself upon, “Not all of us have lost hope.” And he drifted through the trees, leaving me alone with the slumbering couple.
Our lives… I shook my head again, staring upwards at the fronds that swayed in the morning breeze.
It was only a week ago that my brother invited me on that stupid boat. “A graduation present” he deemed it, only to find out that wasn’t the case. Regardless, I joined, actually quite excited to spend an afternoon on the water with a book. And even more excited when I saw the size of the boat my brother managed to commandeer, enough space to lounge in shade and sun alike.
I wanted nothing more in that moment to forget about the stress of job hunting. Four years in university and thousands of dollars in debt, yet a job was hard to come by. I had to live with Mom and Dad again, stay in my childhood bedroom and wonder how the hell I got there. Meanwhile my brother, the idiotic tool– everything seemed to fall in place for him. No college, no degree, no nothing but that award winning smile. But he's the one with the boat and the house and the fiance of his dreams.
Dreams wasn’t even the word to describe her. She– Gem, she was perfect in every way imaginable. Pretty face, pretty body, money that came from Daddy. My brother always got so lucky, and I always worked hard for next to nothing.
“Where’s Dallas?” Speaking of, Gem’s voice rang through the broken shelter as leaves crunched under her feet.
I sighed, “Looking for glass.” I stated in exhale, not bothering to meet her soft blue eyes, or answer back when she asked why. Instead I only shrugged, probably feeding her annoyance with not just me but my brother too. No one was too happy with him, not that I made his burden any easier to bear. Why should I?
My suspicions were confirmed as she shook the two lovebirds awake, demanding they join her in an exploration of the island. I was glad she hadn’t asked me, it made saying no that much easier. Though, in Gem’s defense, she seemed the most level headed through all of this– even when we drifted for days.
Aria squinted through the dirt crusted on her face, wiping it as she remembered where she was. She only made eye contact with me for a moment before silently climbing to her feet and joining Zack on a walk to the water. Everyone seemed to keep exchanges to a minimum, all internally fearing the worst and wondering if we’d ever escape. “Are you coming?” She finally asked me, sinking into a tree a few feet away.
Her skin burned bright pink in the wake of countless days at sea, “No.” I said, returning my gaze to above. I heard her scoff, heard the words that weren’t actually said, words similar to those of Dallas. Maybe they had good intentions, a glimmer of hope to survive off the island. But I was done– been done. I was done with this, done with home, done with it all. I didn’t care how it made me look or whose feelings might be bruised.
“Don’t you want to eat?” She asked me, earning a sudden smirk of my lips at the thought. Not of food, but the urges that propelled her and everyone else to try so hard. “Would you rather starve?”
Maybe. Maybe that would be for the best. “You guys would finally have your food.” I commented to the swaying breeze, allowing a stillness of sound for just a moment as she thought over what I said, over what I meant.
She scoffed again, rising to her feet as I caught a glimpse of her bright yellow hair. “Nobody's dying out here, Carter.” It was like she was convincing herself, “All of us need to help so that doesn’t happen.”
My eyes fell upon her small figure, “I’ll guard camp.” I closed my eyes, letting myself rest despite the clear frustration in her tone. Maybe it does sound like I've given up, but I didn’t care anymore, not after the sweat and tears I poured out on that boat.
“Whatever.” She mumbled, crunching away after adding– “We’re in this together whether you like it or not.”
And she was right, we were. I caught a glimpse of her disappearing through the foliage before letting out a deep sigh, she was right. She acted like I wasn’t the first to say that, back on the boat and after the storm. They all act like I wasn’t the one who held us together as we drifted into oblivion, and I could only play that role for so long before I broke, before that bravado of energy came crashing down around me.
I let a single tear cascade down my cheek, cursing everything and everyone. This was a nightmare come true, a Lord of the Flies moment come to fruition. It all made me sick to my emptied and roaring stomach. I hugged my knees harder, trying desperately to suppress that human urge.
The last thing I’d eaten was that granola bar– what I’d do for another one. It lurched at my torso, brought upon physical pain as the images of our stocked coolers flashed across my mind, filled with fruit and meat and cheese. I groaned into my knees, regretful for the way I allotted rations, regretting every bite I allowed the others to take before my own hunger took wind.
I wiggled my toes to distract myself, focused on the soft dirt that padded through them. My feet were filthy of sand and soil, so much of it caked underneath the nail. I stood on a whim, deeming it necessary that I wash off for a second time.
As I broke through the trees and to our small beach, I found Dallas climbing a rock in the distance, contorting his body in search of glass I’d assume. Waves crashed on the rocks, spitting crystal clear water in the air that landed on his knelt figure. And it felt good I’m sure, the water only ran cold in the dead of night, warmed by the sun by this time.
A foamy wave fell over my feet, refreshing my motive as I walked in stride to the open ocean. Everything was clear underneath, my toes and legs and whatever forms of kelp and seaweed that swept past me. I dove into the rushing wave, submerging every inch of me before running my hands through my hair, scraping at my roots and shaking out loose sand. The salt in the water prevented us from drinking, but did its job of scrubbing us somewhat clean.
The island itself looked massive at this angle, especially from the boat. But we learned quickly that a perimeter around it only took us a few hours, hours of nothingness but bug-bites and crashing waves. As to what Gem and the others expected to find towards the center beat me, surely no signs of life or inhabitants.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the glistening back of Dallas, his tanned skin reflecting the sun on to the beach. But my eyes widened at his stance between two rocks, to his commitment to finding something useful. I shouted, “Dallas!” He either didn’t hear me or didn’t care. “Dallas!” I started swimming through the water, past where the sand stopped and rocks began. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.” I yelled at him, finally earning his attention.
He caught me in the water below him, “Do you see anything down there?” He asked, ignoring my comments. “I swear I see something shini–” his foot slipped, and I watched as he slid down the rock but caught his footing on another.
“Get down!” I urged, swimming closer to the rocks until I could touch my feet to a slimy surface below. “Dallas climb the fuck down.” I don’t know what made me so protective of him specifically, why I cared that it was him in danger rather than my good for nothing brother. Maybe it was what happened on that boat, or maybe it was the closeness of the others– but something kept me gravitated to him. I got underneath where he was, standing in the crashing of waves and using the ones above to keep me steady.
He kept climbing across the rocks, “I gotta see what that is.” He yelled back, pointing with one finger towards the inside of the boulders, towards something indeed shining through the rocks.
I squinted my eyes, following a barrage of rocks that could lead a steady pathway towards the reflective light. I let the next wave crash over me, making haste with the current and drifting to another boulder and braced for the crash of water. But the rocks were covered in algae, and the wave took me by surprise.
I tumbled backwards and into the running water, crashing and scraping against rocks in my path until I resurfaced and heard his voice, “--okay? Carter! Carter!” I managed a gulp of air before being swept further into the pile of rocks, feeling every burning sensation along my back as I grappled with a surface to cling to. “Carter!”
“I’m fine!” I yelled, wincing as I pulled myself to a stand, gulping air before another wave crashed into me. I heard a foreign splash, followed his voice as he grunted into the rocks in front of me. “Watch out!” I yelled as another wave broke into him this time, almost knocking his feet out under him.
“Swim to me!” He looked behind him with a hand stretched out to me, but withdrew it and held on as yet another wave crashed into him and then on to me. “You gotta swim here.” He demanded, a fearful break in his voice as I too understood where we stood. We were trapped underneath the rocks and the constant crash of waves didn’t allow us to swim out.
I took another breath, braced another wave. I heard him again, but I caught a glimmer of light to my left, enough of one to draw my attention to a crevice inside a nearby boulder– a broken glass bottle laying inside.
Just a few moments ago, I had abandoned the hope that everyone else still clung too, abandoned any light at the end of the tunnel. But there it was, the light. “Carter, you have to swim!” He demanded again, but instead of listening or bracing the wave that came for me, I embraced it– jumped into it and let it drift me across the rocks until I could just barely grab the shattered glass.
He couldn’t see me anymore, nor could I see him– but I heard him cursing and screaming.
The current brought me face to face with another boulder, my limbs taking as much damage as they could without letting my head suffer the blows. I could still hear him out there yelling my name, but I could only focus on taking a deliberate breath in between the crashing of waves. Until finally, my one free hand found a crevice to hold on to, my feet solid rock as the water tried pulling me into its rhythm but failed.
I breathed, “I’m okay!” And I heard his equally relieved voice back, asking me what to do. I stared up at another crevice, wrapped my mouth around the neck of the broken bottle and used both hands to pull myself out of the turbulent waters. I tried to speak through the bottle, to let him know I was climbing, but even with the adrenaline– I was weak.
But I persisted in the climb, not caring of the pain in my toes or back, only focused on climbing to safety from those treacherous waves below. I hoisted my naked torso onto the jagged rock, fought to my knees until I could breathe and rest and set the damn broken bottle down. “Carter!” I heard him below me.
I sat the bottle in a safe crevice and inched to my feet, wobbling at the sudden need for balance and fighting every urge to scream at the pain in my feet. “Up here!” I screamed down to him, his muscled figure clinging to the rock I left him at. His eyes met mine as he smiled, faded upon another wave crashing into him. “Try to climb!”
“I can’t–” another wave fell over him. I didn’t think twice before climbing back down, didn’t think twice about saving the only guy out here who gave a damn about me.
I wedged my arms between two rocks and bent one knee, extending my foot down to him; “Grab me!” I yelled and he did, his warm rugged hand gripped tightly around my ankle. I tried to time the wave before I used every ounce of strength to heave his body upwards, I screamed out as my steady foot pressed intently into the jagged rock.
And when I felt the relief of his weight, I damn near collapsed back into the rough waters, but was steadied by the strong grip of Dallas who held me upright. “Dude…” his eyes were wide as he looked over at me, “you’re bleeding like crazy.”
I only nodded and took a deep breath, “Just help me up, please.” And he obliged with pushing at my pulsing feet until I could rest on the top of the rocks. He climbed up after me, every single muscle engaged as he hurried to my side. It’s only now that I realized he journeyed up here without his shorts on, only his boxers that revealed several scrapes and cuts along his thighs. “You’re bleeding too.” I pointed at them.
He didn’t even look, “Are you okay?” He asked with a hand on my shoulder. I nodded again, even if it were a lie, and nodded behind me so that his gaze would follow. “You didn’t…”
But I did.
We spent a careful few minutes climbing down the rocks and to the shore, his steady hand helping me when my left foot couldn’t handle the pain. “You need to wash out your cuts.” He stated as we both safely stood on the sand.
“And you need to make fire.” I pointed at the jagged glass in his hand, “If we want any chance to live out here.” Those words fled my lips in a state of new found hope, in a twisted reality where for a second– I thought it might be possible for us to stay out here.
Our eyes locked for a moment after the sentiment, a longing look in our salted red eyes. He nodded and began to walk, “Okay.” I followed behind him, slightly limping to the beach that I originally intended to wash off in. I plopped down and let the water drift over my feet and legs, stinging every cut on the bottom.
And suddenly he was in front of me, his shirt in his hand as he drenched it in the ocean and looked at me. “Let me clean your back.” He walked up to me, circling around me and dropping to his knees. “This might sting–”
“Fuck!” I shouted as his wet shirt swiped against my back, “Shit.” I gritted my teeth as he continued through my curses, as he walked back to the water and rung out the now blood-stained shirt and came back. It stung alright, like needles dragging across your skin and cutting you open to the world.
He laid his shirt across my back when he was done, but he stayed behind me as my breath regulated. “Can we talk about what happened on the boat?”
“No.” I muttered, “Thank you.”
And he silently stood and walked away, leaving me alone to writhe in my own pain and misery. Like I’d ever want to revisit what happened on that fucking boat. Like I’d ever want to relive what transpired those four days. I shook my head, not being able to shake the memories and words that engrained themselves to my brain.
We had already been drifting for two days after the storm, before another even more intense storm started to brew across the horizon. We couldn’t do anything but watch it near, couldn’t do anything but huddle under the shaded portion of the boat, and cling to who we loved– or at least whoever was there. My brother, he had Gem. And Zack, he had Aria. Me… I had no one, but neither did Dallas.
“Holy shit, are you okay?” I heard my brother's voice as he ran over to me, kneeling in front of me with only worry drawn in his brown eyes. I heard the others behind me too as they began asking if I was alright.
I looked past my brother’s face and to the vast sea, “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
I snapped to his face, “And what are you gonna do if I’m not? Call an ambulance? Grab the medkit?” And I saw the hurt flash over him before he stood.
“Do you need anything?” He asked me through clenched teeth, fists balled beside him as he glared down at me. “Anything I can do?”
I shook my head and let him walk away, completely content with how I reacted. Maybe it was rude or demeaning or whatever, but he should know by now that this entire ordeal is his fault. He shouldn’t be so idiotic and careless and thoughtless– maybe then we wouldn’t be in this predicament.
But after a while, I did join the others on the tree-line, allowing them to ask their questions after hearing about the story Dallas told– painting me as the hero who got the bottle. But is it only a bottle if no fire could come from it? He had it propped in the air by sticks, aiming the reflection onto a pile of dry leaves and twigs to use as tinder.
We all sort of fell silent as Dallas went to start, as he felt enough time had passed for him to try and make an ember out of sticks and wood. And to my surprise, to all of our surprise, a thin line of smoke started to sputter from under his spinning stick. His hands were struggling, I could tell, but Dallas had that determination about him– that determination that had him climbing those damn rocks in the first place.
Our breathing became silent as we held our breaths, as the mere smell of smoke made my mouth water. We were all so entranced by the tiny spindrel of smoke, so much so that maybe I was the only one who noticed the funny face he made as he concentrated so hard– maybe only I noticed the spark in his eyes as a real spark burned at the leaf underneath him.
He dropped the stick, blew at the burning leaf and tended the ember until it grew to a flame, every single one of us eerily silent– waiting for a real fire to be born. And within seconds, the kindling underneath took to the small flame, erupting in a burst of heat on our faces as he stacked twigs into a pyramid around it.
We all cheered, all of us– our first win on this fucked up island.
Fire.
T.C. - stick around.. there is love a brewing
