Nights in White Satin

PART THREE

“The after school athletes have arrived,” Gilead declared.

Chris Knapp and Cameron came through the back door with Mark. He was in jeans and a tee shirt, and when he hugged Gilead, he smelled like soap and shampoo and his hair was still damp. He looked fresh, and Gilead wanted to hold onto him forever. Chris was fresh and handsome too, Gilead acknowledged. But Chris Knapp was not his boyfriend.

“Where’s Russell?” Mark asked.

“In the backroom with his grandfather,” Gilead said, slipping his hand in Mark’s.

“Are you hungry?”

“I’m always hungry!” Mark laughed.

Gilead stopped himself from kissing Mark. It seemed inappropriate in a house of mourning. He wondered how he could love someone so much. He always had, probably since they were freshmen, but now he could do it openly. He wondered why he loved him so much right now at this minute, and had to stop himself from hovering over him. Did Cameron feel the same way for Chris? Probably. He’d have to ask her. But she wasn’t like a lot of girls. Or boys for that matter. She didn’t hover. She didn’t cling. She was cool about Chris, put some chicken wings on a plate and said, “I need to say hi to Mr. and Mrs. Lewis.”

“I think your mother’s here,” Gilead warned her.

Cam’s face changed.

“Nothing I can do about that, right?” she said. “Where are you all?”

“Upstairs in a spare room. Anigel’s got on Law and Order.”

“So that’s where she is,” Cameron said, heading into the living room with her plate.

“What do you guys know about Russell’s granddad?” Chris asked.

Gilead thought it was strange. Both Mark and Chris were about the same heigh, brunette with clear greenish eyes, in jeans and tee shirts with Starter jackets, but they didn’t look a like.

Gilead said quiet as he could be, “He’s got about a day left. Russell’s grandmother insisted on him dying here and not in a hospital. With family.”

Mark, who was stuffing his face like any high school athlete after a long run, nodded fervently.

“That’s the way I wanna go,” he said.

“I don’t want you to go at all,” Gilead said sternly, still wondering why he was feeling so tender toward Mark, why he wanted to stroke the back of his neck.

“What?” Mark stopped and stared at Gilead. He looked silly with a chicken wing hanging from his hand and sauce on his lip.

Gilead shook his head.

“Nothing.”

And then he said, “I love you.”

Mark turned red and he grinned, looking at Chris. His shoulders fell into a shrug.

“I love you too, Gilead Story.”

 

Thom’s fingers landed on Russell’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to stay here,” he said. “I’ll watch, now.”

Russell nodded.

Kathleen was half asleep in a deep chair, her fingers steepled, and Russell stood, stretching his aching limbs while Thom took his seat. He couldn’t remember anyone telling him that this was a death watch, that people always had to be here, that when one person left another person replaced them, or that someone would be here when RL finally died. He stood behind his dad and then went to his knees and put his arms around Thom and Thom’s hands touched his. Across from themm Chayne was sitting with Rob. A moment ago, discreetly, Chayne had put a mirror to RL’s mouth and nostrils. Rob had tilted RL’s head and given him water.

Thom massaged Russell’s hand and kissed it.

“Go,” he told his son. “Eat. See your friends. All of your friends are here for you.”

Russell nodded. Patti and Cody stood at the door and he put his arms around his mother and around Cody, and they stayed like that for awhile.

“As soon as I could get off work,” Cody said.

Cody and Patti went into the room, and Russell left the hallway, searching for his friends.

“Russell!”

“Mr. Cordino.”

“How are you?”

“I don’t really know.”

Jeff Cordino nodded.

“How’s the year been for you?”

“It’s been a year.”

“You got really popular.”

“Did I? I got really busy for sure.”

Jeff nodded.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you. Don’t let anyone keep you. We’re all going to stop you and start asking how you are, but… you know, just find your friends.”

“Mr. Shrader here?”

“Right over there with Faye.”

“Everyone’s here?”

“Just about. I may have seen the Pope.”

Russell actually laughed at that.

“You know what, Russell?”

“Huh?”

“I’m not worried about you anymore.”

Jeff gave him a little punch in the arm, and pushed him forward.

“Patti.”

“Chuck,” Patti said. “Thank you for coming. Faye. Thank you.”

Faye hugged Patti and Patti said, “Did you get any food?”

“Not that string bean casserole shit, but I did get some of the nice stuff. You took a shower.”

“Yeah.”

“You looked like you’d taken too much on yourself. Taking too much on yourself isn’t going to make it any better for anyone else.”

“You look great, now,” Chuck said.

Faye looked at him.

“I mean, not as good as Faye, but…”

“That’s better,” Faye said. She grinned, and hooked her finger through Patti’s walking away, but telling her, “Seriously, you look good, and seriously, don’t wear yourself out.”

When they left, Denise was leaning against the wall, looking at her sister.

“What?”

Denise shrugged.

“Faye knows everything that was between me and Chuck. She knows.”

“Great,” Denise said. “Does your husband?”

“Hey, Niall.”

“Hey, Dad,” Niall said. He turned around to leave the kitchen.

“I can come back.”

“No,” Bill said. And then he said, “I could leave and come back. If that’s what you need.”

“That’s not necessary,” Niall told him, and cut himself a piece of quiche.

“Niall, I know you don’t like me—”

“I don’t even know you,” Niall said. “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know anything about you.”

“That’s fair.”

“You know,” Niall said, “all of these years I hoped you’d be like Uncle Dave is with David. Or with me even. I hoped you’d love me or something, wanna be like a dad. I tried to do right by you. I just hoped that something would happen and you would… shit, I dunno. At least like me.”

“Niall—”

“I’m not finished. I remember in fourth grade I joined the baseball team. Cause you wanted me to. You said, I sure would be proud of a son who played baseball. You said that. And I joined. I hated it. I was terrible. I got anxiety every time I went to practice. I hated game days. But here’s the thing: you never came.”

“I had work then, Niall—”

“You never came,” Niall continued. “And so after three weeks I was just like, fuck this. And Mom enrolled me in dance classes. Which you hated. Cause that would turn me into a faggot, and God forbid that I be a faggot. That was when I decided I thdn’t care about making you happy.”

Bill decided to say nothing. He nodded his head. He had been holding his plate, but noticed this now and put it down now.

“Cameron, trying to make Mom happy. Me trying to make you happy. Only the truth is you’re both bad people. You really are. Children shouldn’t bend over backward to make their folks look at them.”

“I know.”

“Wow,” Niall said. “That is not the Bill Dwyer I know.”

“I’m trying, son. I…”

“You’re a horrible person,” Niall said. “I didn’t even know it till you weren’t around.”

Niall’s mouth hung open in sour discovery.

“I thought I was the horrible person. And maybe I was starting to be. I thought I was the disease. But it was you. And Mom too. You all were horrible.”

“I know that, Niall. And if you need me to, you can come and tell me that every day.”

“I think I will.”

“Fine,” Bill said. “But… You can’t know this. You wouldn’t know it. Listen, I’m not making an excuse, just hear me out.”

“Fine.”

“You never knew me and your Aunt Lee’s dad.”

“He died.”

“Not until a couple of years ago.”

“What?”

“He was awful, Niall. He was a terrible, terrible man. And right now there is a man down the hall dying who was terrible too. I think. And Mr. Lewis hardly knew him. His kids didn’t know what to do with him. I do not want that to be us. I don’t. When the time comes, when I’m in the spare room or my bedroom or wherever I want you there, but I don’t want you confused. I want to know that you were loved. I want you to think, ‘we had some rough times early on, but things got better.’ That’s what I want.”

Niall nodded, but Bill couldn’t tell what his son was thinking.

“That’s what I want, Niall,” he said.  

“Now, what do you want?”

“To be able to trust you.”

 

Anigel came down to the kitchen to cover the food and wash dishes, and Gilead was drying the clean plates she handed to him.

“Is there anything I can do?” asked Mark, who had come down after them.

“Not really,” Anigel said. “Are you going back home or staying?”

“Pretty sure I’m staying.”

“Where is home” Anigel, back to him, still inquired.

“I live on Westhaven,” Mark said. Then he clarified, “I meant up north. The good part.”

“You mean the white part.”

“That…. Is not what I meant.”

“Um,” she said, without turning around.

“Father Branch?”

“Marcus,” the middle aged priest entering the kitchen greeted him.

“Gilead. I should have known you all would be here.”

“Saved by the priest,” Anigel murmured.

“What are you doing here?” Mark asked.

“Instead of in that cupboard they put all the priests in after school is over?”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“You sort of did,” Father Branch said.

“Called out twice in under five minutes,” Anigel said as she scrubbed a bowl.

Father Branch just said, “Russell’s father went to OLM just like you did, and I’m here to pay my respects, and maybe say Last Rites.”

“I think those priests from Saint A’s already did.”

“The tall one that looks like a Hollywood version of an adulterous priests, and the stubby one with the belly?”

“Father Geoff and Father Heinz.”

“Um,” Father Branch cleared his throat. “Well, then I better get back there and do it the right way.”

Anigel woke from her unintentional nap, slouched in a chair before the TV.

“What time is it?” she wondered, smacking her mouth dry.

“Time for you to lay down in a bed,” Jill said.

There was noise downstairs, and she supposed it was what had awaken her.

She looked to Jill and Jill looked at Russell.

“We could use a bit of a walk,” he said.

Gilead had fallen asleep on the bed in the spare room, and Mark was half asleep beside him. Russell, Anigel and Jill had gotten halfway down the hall, and Patti was coming from her bedroom when Jimmy Nespres, Macy McLarhclahn, Ross Allan and Flip Sanders came up the stairs. Patti watched while Ross embraced Anigel and Macy and Jimmy hugged her, but she looked with especial interest at the handsome black haired boy, Flipper, who went to his son, and she noted how Russell fell into his arms.

“When we heard everyone was coming, we decided we might as well too,” Flipper explained.

“It was the food that had me,” Macy said.

“I need a walk,” said Russell.

“I’ve been in a car for two hours,” Flipper said. “I could use a walk.”

“We all could,” Ross agreed.

Anigel said, “I’ll get my coat.”

Russell was aware of Flipper’s hand in his.

Flipper whispered, “When I heard, I had to be here.”

“I need to get back to Tim,” Jewell was saying as she pulled her coat back on and pulled her puff of hair out from it. “He can’t run the Blue Jewel alone.”

“And I have a husband who can’t manage a stove alone,” Shannon said.

“Russell, when are you coming back to the Blue Jewell to sing?”

she said to the boy who was coming downstairs with Flipper and Anigel.

“That’s right,” Jewell nodded. “We haven’t seen you since your high school life took off.”

“Look at him,” Shannon added. “So tall. Good shoulders. You fucking yet?”

“Really?” Chayne said to her.

“He’d fucking,” Shannon said to Jewell in confidence. Then she said, “Well, let’s get a move on. We gotta twenty-five minute drive.

“Oops, scuse me, darling,” Shannon said, as she opened the front door to leave, and Ralph Balusik and Jason Lorry entered.

“Took you assholes long enough to get here,” Anigel said while Shannon and Jewell headed into the night.

“I had to work at the store,” Ralph said.

“Um,” Anigel said, unimpressed.

“Thanks for coming,” Russell remembered himself. “We’re going out for a moment, but we’ll be back. Make yourselves at home. There’s a lot of food. Gilead, Mark and Cam are upstairs.”

Russell headed out the house with Flipper, and Ross closed the door.

“Wow,” Rob commented to Chayne, looking from the departing Flipper to Ralph and Jason, “You think that might have been an awkward Russell moment?”

“Awkward?” Patti said.  

Rob had not expected Patti Lewis to be behind him, but it was Chayne who said, blandly, “All of teenage life is awkward.”

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