“You came,” Bill said, opening the door.
“Yeah,” Dave Armstrong, lanky and awkward as usual said, entering the house.
“It seemed like if I waited for you to come I’d be waiting forever. We have to sort things out. The way they ended.”
“Yeah,” Bill said, scratching behind his ear and pulling a chair from under a table for David.
David shook his head.
“Look, Bill, I love you like a brother. You know that.”
“Of course.”
“But what I said stands. You can’t be putting your hands on Niall.”
“I know that, Dave. I know=”
“And whatever… bullshit the two of you have, where you’ve decided to love Cameron and Dena’s decided to love Niall, that shit has to stop.”
“Then you should talk to your sister.”
“I’m talking to you, Bill. You’ve fucked up. I mean, you really fucked up with Niall. You’re a bully.”
“I know.”
“You’re a fucking bully,” Dave said. “And I hate bullies. Why did you do this? To your family? You let me down.”
“I know.”
“And you weren’t there for your son.”
“I…”
“You what?”
“I was going to say I tried to be there.”
“And then you realized you didn’t,” Dave said.
“Yes,” Bill answered. “Something like that.
“You know he was dating Sonia Cormorant?”
“Jack’s daughter?”
“Yeah,” Dave said.
“You know, while you were busy bullying your son and smoking his marijuana—and how did he even get to start selling marijuana?—you know he was sleeping with that girl? You know he got her pregnant?”
“Pregnant?”
“Yeah, Bill. And you don’t even have to worry about grandkids before you’re forty because they got an abortion.”
“What?”
“The day before the shit show you gave us in Idlewild, Cam had just gone down to East Sequoya to pick Niall and Sonia up from the abortion clinic.”
“I’d like to see you this weekend.”
“Well, I’d like to see you this weekend, too,” Russell said. “Only I’m not sure how we would manage that.”
“Ross is coming to see Anigel, and I’ll come with him.”
“Oh?” Russell sat up.
“I mean, I offered to drive him down, so I’ll have my car.”
“That’s actually awesome,” Russell said, pushing his hair behind his ear. “Uh… what are we going to do?”
“That’s just it, Russ. We can find out what we’re going to do. We can find out what we do in Geshichte Falls. I mean, we did all sorts of stuff at Saint Alban’s.”
“Yes, but at Saint Alban’s there was all sorts of stuff to do. And…. What’s more…. Where are you going to stay?”
“I had thought…. Chayne’s house?”
“That’s… possible,” Russell said.
“Yes,” Flipper said in the tone of someone who was learning there was a problem, but hadn’t discovered just what the problem was.
“Look,” Russell said. “I don’t mean to sound like a slut or anything, but I assumed… I mean, if you’re coming to see me, then I would assume you would…. I don’t know… stay with me. And, I don’t know how that can happen.”
“Oh, yes,” Flipper said, sounding a little stiff. “I had…. I actually thought of that, but I didn’t want to press. I mean, I didn’t want to sound… I guess I didn’t want to sound like a slut either. I mean, I do want us to stay together, but…. Your parents probably wouldn’t be chill with me staying in your room.”
“Probably not.”
“I could… I could get a motel room.”
“No, that costs too much.” Russell said.
He could hear the exhale in Flipper’s voice. He knew college kids from Saint Alban’s weren’t swimming in money.
“How about you just get down here, and we’ll work everything out when you come?” Russell said.
“I can live with that.”
“Why don’t you all just stay in the house behind the gas station?” said Cody.
“What?”
“You know? The old gas station where I work is a house.”
“Right?”
“You just take the key and go in the back way and no one knows you’re there. The body shop is closed on the weekend, so I’m the only one with a key. It’s totally private.”
“Thanks,” Russell said, sounding slightly at a loss. “I mean…. It’s good of you.”
“You like this Flipper, right?”
“I do.”
“He’s a good guy from what I see.”
“He is.”
“Then whatever we are, you’re my family, and you’re my friend, so… You all take my place for the weekend.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?” Cody said.
Russell’s look did not relax. Russell could be relentless. Cody said, “I’m doing just fine. Believe me. I’m just fine.”
“Are you serious?” Rob almost stage whispered from where he and Nehru sat at the kitchen table of 1421 Curtain Street.
Nehru nodded.
“Brad AND Cody?”
Nehru nodded again.
Then he said, “Brad mostly. Brad mainly. Brad primarily. But Cody often.”
“That is so….” Rob shook his head. “That’s more like something I would do.”
Nehru shrugged.
“Is it permanent? Is it like… What is it like?”
“I don’t know what it’s like.” Nehru said.
“Until not long ago there was nothing in my life. All I know is Cody was in love with someone—”
“Russell.”
“Oh, I see that got around.”
“It did.”
“And I know that Brad and I are…. We are what we are. And Cody is our friend, and inviting him into our life doesn’t take anything from us. I’m not in love with Cody. But I do LOVE Cody, and that’s certainly more than I can say for a lot of people. And the truth is I love sleeping with him. And I love being with him and Brad at the same time, and I even love him sleeping with Brad. And I don’t know what that says about us, or how long it will last, but I like it right now. I like it a lot.”
“Are you gon get that?” Sharonda Story asked, “Or are you going to make your poor mother?”
Gilead had been distracted, and shook his head, rising.
“Thank you,” his mother said.
He left the kitchen, went through the hallway, thought the heat needed to be turned up, entered the foyer and opened the door.
“Are you going to just leave me standing on the porch?”
“What the fuck do you want?” Gilead said to Mark.
“Can I come in?”
“Let me think about it.”
“Gil, who’s at the door? Don’t let the heat out.”
Gilead seemed to be thinking his answer over.
He said, “It’s Mark, Mom.”
“Let him in,” she said.
“Well, you heard her,” Gilead held the door open and shut it behind Mark.
Mark was in a parka and skull cap and looked a lot less regal than usual.
“You’re red.”
“I ran over here.”
“That wa stupid,” Gilead said.
“Mark, are you hungry?” Sharonda called.
“Actually—”
“No, Mother, he’s fine,” Gilead said.
Mark frowned.
“Can we talk?”
“I guess we can. I guess we can talk whenever you think it’s time to talk. I guess it’s all about you.”
“I deserve that.”
Gilead nodded.
“You do.”
“Gil—”
“Don’t touch me. For real. Don’t.”
“Please, can we talk?”
“I don’t really want you in my room.”
“We could go walking.”
“Why the fuck should I be cold for you? We’ll go to the laundry room. I have to wash bedsheets anyway.”
“You have a right to be angry,” Mark said while Gilead was sorting bed sheets.
“I was a real jerk.”
Gilead certainly wasn’t going to deny what Mark had said, so he continued sorting laundry.
“I… was depressed,” Mark said. “I am depressed, actually. It’s why I ran here. Sometimes that’s the only thing that helps. And… the truth is you’ve never known me until recently. You don’t know the depressed me.”
“Firstly,” Gilead said, slamming the lid of the washer down and surprising himself with the crash, “I’m supposed to know the you you. The all of you. You’re supposed to be my… fuck boyfriend—your’e supposed to be my friend. You’re supposed to be there for me and I’m supposed to be there for you. Why the fuck don’t you know that?”
“I was embarrassed, Gil! I am embarrassed. I hate this version of me. I don’t want people to see it. I don’t—I hate feeling this way. I hate being this. I didn’t come to you so you could meet this fucked up version of me. And deal with all of my fucked upness. And… and when we got together I felt better than I had in a long time and so I thought it was gone, but it’s not gone because on top of the depression… On top of that is—”
“Joe’s death.”
“Yeah,” Mark said, his voice changing. “Joe. And the car crash and the—Yeah.
.“I… Fuck!” Mark growled turning away from Gilead.
“Fuck, I want to hit something right now. I don’t…. Gil.”
He turned to Gilead, and his voice was shallow and his face was pale.
“I just feel like this all the time, and I’m not any good like this, and I just don’t want anyone to see me this way.”
Gilead blew out his breath and held in his words. He opened the washer and finished putting in the bed sheets and the towels. He added the laundry soap and turned the dials, listening to their satisfying clicks, and then he pulled out the knob and heard the water shoot.
“Mark, if you don’t want to trust me with the bad part of you as much as the good, then there isn’t any hope for us. I don’t know what else to tell you. I’ll go upstairs and you can be down here by yourself and do what you need to do. If you’re not ready to trust me, but… You need to trust me.”
Mark put his face in his hands and turned around to slide against the wall till he was sitting on the floor with his blue jeaned knees drawn to his chest. He pulled his hands from his face.
“I…. push everything down. I never let people see me like this. I think that’s why I like you, cause you’re the same. I never want you to think of me… like I’m weak.”
Gilead sat on the floor beside Mark and decided not to say how cold it was.
“You are my weakness,” Gilead said.
Suddenly Mark began to cry.
Gilead hugged him because he had to. He couldn’t not embrace him, and he wasn’t self conscious like he usually was, away from someone’s tears, thinking, “How long do I do this? Am I doing it right? Is it time to let go?” He just held him.
Sucking up snot, Mark wiped the back of his hand across his face.
“I bet I look like shit,” he said, thickly, trying to wipe his nose.
“Kind of,” Gilead agreed. “.It’s a good thing I love you,” Gilead said, rising.
Mark caught his hand and pulled him.
“I love you too. You know?”
