Discovering Love

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 21

Wanderer

My center had become hopelessly out of balance. My brain kept flashing on Greg's angry words. Why? He was screwing everyone and I was only screwing Doug. That didn't seem fair. I did feel bad that he caught us, but caught wasn't the right word. He came to catch us and if he hadn't caught us on that path, he'd have caught us somewhere else, sooner or later.

I was happy when I was with Doug but I had no understanding of what he expected or what he wanted. Doug's words never matched up with his actions. Now, with Greg's new vendetta, it was going to be more difficult for Doug and I to get together. I could wait for him once I got out of school and we could walk and talk, but even walking with Doug was hazardous when he made up his mind he wanted to do something.

I wanted to do something all the time but not in places that were going to get us caught. I could wait when I knew there was something at the end of the wait. That wasn't the case with Doug. Today he might want sex every hour on the hour and tomorrow he might decide he wasn't having sex this week. How could all of us be so different and yet end up wanting each other.

When I first saw Greg all those weeks ago, I never imagined the complications this would bring into my life. I was far better off knowing there were other boys who were no more or less sexual than I was but I wish I knew more about the way they thought and what made them like what they liked. We all seemed to think in similar ways about sex and relationships but there was nothing similar about how we went about meeting our needs.

I was still too new to try to assert my brand of desire onto the more experienced boys. I wanted to do what I did and do it well, and I knew that would get me where I wanted to be. I didn't want anyone doing anything they didn't want to do but I wanted a steady supply of what other boys were willing to give up. The uncertainty between wanting and getting, seemed never ending. The conflicts it aroused in each of us seemed insurmountable at times.

Each time I thought of Greg, those twinkling blue eyes, his cocky smile, and his self-assured demeanor, he looked better than a double-dip hot fudge sundae. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go home. Now, I wanted my brain to just stop already. How could one of the best things in my life, Doug, cause such conflict with one of the other best things in my life?

As big an asshole as I knew Greg was, I couldn't shake the idea that he and I had some unfinished business. How could we ever finish it if he wouldn't see me or speak to me? How could he not speak to me? I might not have been a Herbie or Alfred, but I had become part of his harem. There was no doubt he wanted what he wanted from me. It's just that I never had any idea what the fuck he wanted or when he wanted it.

Doug was the super nice guy but in the end Doug and I weren't going to end up together. Doug had other things on his mind. I was one of his pit crew and I rotated his tires and gave him a good lube job when he thought he needed one, but when he drove away, I never saw myself in the car beside him. Doug had a plan. I don't think he knew what it was yet, but he did know that his days of dallying with the horny boys were numbered. It's not where he wanted to be and he was strong enough, and smart enough to be where ever he wanted to be when he wanted to be there.

Whenever I pictured Greg in my mind. I was there with him. I couldn't see myself with him when I was with him, but when I wasn't with him, I saw myself right beside him. How do you see yourself with someone when its impossible to see it. You can see the guy you're with and you know you are with him, but you can't see yourself with him unless someone takes a picture. No one had taken picture but the picture was in my head. I was beside Greg each time I saw him in my mind.

Perhaps it was the river water or too much sun, or maybe it was too much sex because any was more than I was used to. There was sex all around me since I arrived in the mountains. Everything and everyone gave off the promise of sex. When we took a walk we encountered it by the boathouse. When we ate we ate with it standing and leaning around the patio. When we came out the door it was chopping wood. When we walked to the river it was there. Even walking on a path or after falling down a hill, sex was waiting there for us.

For fifteen years, sex had been a word that I knew nothing about. Since I'd turned sixteen, it was everywhere and I knew even less. There was no way for me to know what was enough or too much. I had found no limits that weren't artificially applied by someone else. You stopped when you might get caught or you had to have sleep so you could keep doing it, but not much else slowed the onslaught on that hill. I could just have finished and thinking of nothing but rest, and then a word, a smell, someone's erect penis would start it all over again. I could be in a dead sleep, and one touch of someone's hand was all the invitation I needed.

It could have been something I worried about, but I saw Doug and how he handled it and that was cool. I could do what he did, swear off from time to time. Ponder my options, my feelings, and what I'd learned. It didn't bother me that Doug was probably beyond wanting to be my lover when he said he wasn't ready yet. What he meant was, it didn't feel right to him.

Doug needed to be happy as I needed to be happy, and I didn't want to be with him if my being with him made him unhappy. I could have sex with him and be in love with him and not be his lover. As long as it was okay with him I wouldn't deny myself because I'd rather have it my way. What is, is and what isn't sometimes can never be and that was okay, but then there was Greg.

*****

Doug and I sat with our hamburgers up on the hill. Augie and Greg stood on either side of Greg's father. They joked and laughed and seemed to love life. Augie glanced our way and flashed us a knowing approving grin. Greg glared at us when Doug put his head next to mine to comment on how hot Augie's ass was.

"You okay?" Doug asked.

"Great," I said.

"You look awful pale. You want to lie down?"

"No. I'm fine."

"I'll lay with you," he giggled. "Just to keep you company. I'll be nice."

"I think we've got to be more careful. Anyone can look right into the basement."

"I'm sorry," Doug said.

"What?"

"It's my fault. That's why I think I'm crazy. Who in their right mind would decide to do it in the middle of a path?"

"Do what, dear?" Greg's mother said, as she brought out a plate of slice tomatoes, onions, and pickles.

"Nothing, mom. Just talking."

"You boys don't be doing anything dangerous. I'm responsible for Martin."

"I know, mom. Like a book you checked out of the library. Got to get it back safe and sound. Don't worry."

"That's right, dear," she said, mussing my hair as she went back into the house.

"It didn't take much persuading," I said ruefully. "I might have had some part in the decision, Doug."

"You're so easy, Martin."

"I don't want to be. I can't stop myself."

"You seen Timmy?" Doug asked.

"No."

"Augie's here. He must be up to something to be missing out."

"He was pissed off when Augie and Greg started getting together," I said.

"Yeah, that's Timmy. He gets crushes on guys easy. He's stupid about it. He's going to get his ass kicked one day."

"How so?" I asked.

"Well, all guys don't do that shit. If he likes a guy he asks them."

"At least he's honest," I said.

"That meaning I'm not?" Doug asked, sounding seriously offended by my comment.

"I didn't say that."

"Yes, you did. It was exactly what you said. I'm honest. I'm as honest as I can be. I'm just not always sure, that's all."

"I never said you weren't. God, don't you start. I'm sorry, okay."

"Just don't be saying that about me."

I didn't know what I had said, but it put Doug off. I wandered up to the gravel road and stood above the property, thinking about taking a walk. I looked back toward the patio and Greg and Augie were wrestling again, shirts off, chests rubbing, laughing as they swore at one another. It was more playful now but I didn't want to see them together. Augie had turned everyone's temperature up a few degrees. Him and Greg together stoke every appetite I had.

I started walking down toward the clubhouse. My feet felt like lead and my mind just rambling along like a ten ton truck. A car came whizzing past and I ate the gritty dust for the next five minutes. I'd felt so good about everything that morning, and now the world seemed to be closing back in on me. I was ready to go home. Life was easier at home, predictable if boring.

I'd stay out until dinner and maybe things would cool off by then. Life sure sucked sometimes. It was easier on me when I touched no one and no one touched me. Love wasn't what it was cracked out to be but I didn't even know what love was. It had to be all the feelings churning up inside of me every time I caught a glimpse of Greg or Doug. I couldn't imagine what else that could be.

As I closed in on the clubhouse I saw people all over the place. Where the camping spaces had been empty the night before, there were cars, tents, and vans all over the place. Guys were pitching horseshoes, kids were playing badminton, and some older men were tossing the football around. I looked at the table by the boathouse and there were three people sitting there. I was sure one was Timmy. I strolled up trying to look like I didn't have a care in the world, but I guess I was wearing my grief.

"What's wrong?" Timmy asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"Look like you lost your last friend," the other kid said.

"This is Beatrice Walton and Ryan Best," Timmy said. "This is my good friend, Martin."

That made me feel better for some reason. I didn't picture Timmy and I as good friends, but I'd take what I could get just then. Beatrice looked closer to my age in the daylight. She'd looked much younger in the dark. She was small. Ryan was fifteen but he looked thirteen. He wore a little boy's swimming suit and was a bit fleshy and very pink all over. He had green eyes that never left me as he rested his head on his hand with his elbow poking into the table.

"You can sit by me... if you want," Beatrice said in a voice that sounded as thought it came from an angel.

I was quickly informed I was mistaken again.

"She's a whore," Ryan said, don't pay her no mind unless you're horny.

"So, you're a fag," Beatrice shot back, sounding like anything but an angel.

"I'm Timmy, whore and fag," Timmy said, laughing as he cocked his head and looked up at me. "Who do you want to sit next to little boy?"

I sat next to Timmy, feeling safer there.

"I'm with the fags," I said in an uncharacteristic confession of truth.

"Fuck, ain't there any men left for Christ sake," Beatrice lamented.

"Yeah, there's a cute guy over there throwing the football. Man does he have a cock on him. I'll see him later," Timmy said.

Ryan laughed, Beatrice shook her head, plopping it down on her crossed arms in defeat, and I looked for the guy Timmy was talking about.

"Timmy, you should be careful," I said.

"I'm careful. I been here before. He's cool."

"He might not be cool if he knows what you want," I advised in my most cautious tone.

"Last time he told me I gave better head than any of his girlfriends," Timmy bragged.

"Jesus!" Beatrice said. "I got to get out a here before I turn dyke."

The girl limped through the grass pulling down the legs of her swimsuit as she waddled away. She wasn't unattractive but I didn't know what made a girl attractive. She looked like a girl and she seemed to have all the equipment. It simply didn't do anything for me.

"You could introduce me," Ryan said, looking at the men playing football.

"What's in it for me?" Timmy asked, sounding like Greg.

"Have you ever done it with three?"

"Four," Timmy said, looking at me. "Can't leave out my best bud."

His hand dropped across my shoulder as he looked at me and then Ryan. Timmy was okay, but right then, it made me feel good to hear someone say something nice to me. I smiled but I felt like I wanted to cry. God was I fucked up.

They talked about nothing and everyone for a few minutes while my brain did its usual circumnavigation, wandering willy-nilly from one random thought to another while there conversation drifted just beyond my reach.

"Where's Augie?" Timmy asked.

"What?" I said, knowing the question was for me.

"Augie, tall handsome guy with black hair."

"They were having lunch, when I left."

"Where's Doug?"

"Lunch," I said.

"That's a man," Ryan said.

"Augie? Maybe," Timmy said.

"You seen his dick?" Ryan asked. "Fucker gets hard."

"Felt it," Timmy said. "He'd have let me blow him but we'd only just met and all. I know he wants a crack at your sister."

"I introduced them. Told him I could make arrangements if we could be friends."

"Friends?" Timmy asked.

"It's how it works?" Ryan bragged.

"How it works?" I asked.

"I got three brothers and two sisters. Half aren't related, you know. My old man's been married three times. B's the daughter of the current lady of the house. She was screwing all my brothers within two days of moving in with us."

"Damn," Timmy said. "Works fast, huh?"

"One day, maybe a year ago, Bruce, my best friend was over the house. B said I should set her up. I told Bruce and he was all for it. After he left she says I should introduce her to my friends. I asked her what was in it for me and she said, guys'll do anything for pussy. Use your imagination."

"Did you?"

"I did. I introduced her to guys I didn't hang with but wanted to know better, like sixteen and eighteen year olds. Right up her alley."

"What was in it for you?" I asked.

"Made 'em an offer they couldn't refuse. Use your imagination."

"What was that?" Timmy asked, listening intently. "They let you...?"

"They get what they want from B and I get what I want from them."

The boys green eyes flashed as he smiled real big with a cat that ate the cannery look on his face. He was a regular entrepreneur, a commodity dealer extraordinaire.

"Guys go for that?" Timmy asked suspiciously. "High school guys?"

"Anything for pussy."

"What's this, butt buddies ice cream social," Greg said, easing up behind us.

I kept my back to him. Augie stood at the other corner of the table as Greg stood close behind me.

"Hey, Aug," Timmy said.

"Where's B?" Augie asked Ryan.

"She's around," Ryan said, and his hand immediately going onto Augie's leg an inch below his crotch.

"She going to come up to my tent?" Augie asked.

"We might could come up in a spell," Ryan said.

"You mind if I tag along," Greg said, moving to Augie's side, pulling down on the front of his jeans as he stood in front of Ryan.

"I don't care but I got to stay with my sister. That's all."

"You aren't staying with her now," Augie said.

"She's not with guys wanting to get into her pants right now."

"Yeah, whatever," Augie said. "Greg's my bud and he might hang around too."

"What a waste," Timmy said, distraught about Greg and Augie.

"You fart or something," Greg growled across the table at Timmy.

"Wouldn't you know. I'd know if somebody farted on my dick."

"This the guy that fucks you?" Ryan asked.

"You better ask him," Timmy said shyly.

Greg and Augie were walking up toward the meadows when I turned to follow them with my eyes. All three of us were doing the same thing at exactly the same time.

"Fucker's got a big dick. How do you take one like that?" Ryan asked.

"No big thing. I like it. He knows what he's doing."

"I can't do that. I'll suck one but I don't want it up my shit hole."

"What do you get out of it?" I said.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"Sucking a lot of dicks? Why not find one and stick with it?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?"

"I'm fairly new at all this. I like what I've tried. I like a couple of guys quite a bit," I explain.

"Me! Me!" Timmy said, raising his hand while lying his head on the table and looking up at me.

"Cut it out. You like Augie and Greg and everyone else," I said, unsure if he was making a joke or not.

"Augie and Greg and you," Timmy said, putting his hand on my knee. "You're nice. You don't look at me like I'm a cockroach."

"Why would I?" I asked confused. "You aren't doing anything the rest of us aren't doing."

"Because you've seen me with a lot of guys."

"That's not my business as long as it's what you want. I don't understand what you get out of it. Five, ten, twenty..., but why? I mean if I could be with one guy for the rest of my life, that's what I'd do," I reasoned.

"Do it. I wish I could. Guys aren't easy to pin down that way. They love you as long as they're hard and you're working on it for them. Once they've finished, they love beer, and baseball, and getting away from you," Timmy said.

"They aren't all like that," I said.

"Bet me. The guys that were my friends only come around when they get horny or want to see a show," Ryan said."

"Why do it with so many. That doesn't accomplish anything," I said, thinking I must be on to something.

"I don't know. Because I can. Because I like it. Because they let me. I like holding them in the palm of my hand even for just the five or ten minutes they give in to it. Those are the best minutes of my life."

"In the palm of your hand?" Timmy said.

"You ever watched a guy's face when he's about to cum?" Ryan asked.

"Sure," I said, not sure what he was getting to.

"Bliss," Timmy said. "Pure Bliss."

"They come to me so I'll do that to them. I can do anything as long as I do that. Bite it. Shove a finger up their butt. Squeeze their balls until they yell. As long as I get them there."

"What's that prove?" I asked.

"The longer I keep them there the longer I'm not alone. I guess they're company and the only way to have their company is to give 'em what they're after."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"You bet your ass I enjoy it," Ryan smiled, leaning around Timmy's head so I'd be sure to see.

"What about you, Timmy?"

"I don't know. I can't stop myself. It's like he says you aren't alone and they're giving you something only a few people are going to get from them."

"Because I can and I never could before. Because I know guys that will and I never knew them before. I want to like someone a lot. I want to stay with them and do what they like. It's just that no one seems to want to be with me for long," I said.

"See!" Ryan said. "Why worry about it."

"I think I love someone. I don't really want to be with anyone else but I can't be with him. So I want to be with everyone else. It's fucked up."

"Greg or Doug?" Timmy asked point blank, looking way into my eyes.

"I didn't say who. Not them," I lied.

"Greg," Timmy said. "You wouldn't look at him. It's Greg."

"You're in love with Greg," Ryan swooned. "I'd love to get my hands on him."

"You'll get your chance," I said.

"When?" Ryan demanded.

"When you get B up there to fuck Augie. Greg's going to distract you so they can be alone. I heard them talking."

"Cool," Ryan said. "Two for the price of one. Works for me."

"I thought you couldn't leave her alone," Timmy said.

"She's in good hands with Augie. I trust him."

"How'd you get him?" Timmy asked.

"Offered him my sister. Works every time."

"He's not gay," I said. "No way."

"Well, he ain't very straight," Ryan said. "He was hard before I touched him."

"Me too," Timmy said.

"Do you have to touch every single one?" I objected.

"Jealous?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, I am. He's hot," I said.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Timmy asked.

"No, Timmy. You're nice too."

"Kiss of death. Nice guy. Thanks," Timmy said. "I might be good but I'm never nice."

I remembered Greg and Augie at each other all morning. I looked up the hill and wondered what was going on up in the meadows. Those two didn't seem to be able to stay clear of each other. Neither one was going to give in to the other but they were going to torment each other for as long as possible.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Timmy yelled in my ear.

"What?"

"We're goin' over to play with Van's balls. You coming?"

"Nah," I said.

"You sure? They broke up the game and Ryan wants to meet him. We won't stay long. Come with us."

"No, you two be careful," I said.

I wanted to walk up to where Greg and Augie disappeared. I knew if he caught me hanging around him, he'd go ballistic. I didn't need any more complications just then.

I wondered if Doug had cooled down. I saw him sitting with his mother near the picture window, holding the yarn for her as she rolled it into a tight ball. It was blue yarn today. The day before it had been green. I wondered why my mind had changed the color.

Greg's father would be down in the garden, finishing his work.

I was alone once again and I knew why Timmy and Ryan preferred the comings and goings of other boys. It was something.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 22

Van The Man

I couldn't make up my mind what to do and so I just sat there at the picnic table next to the boathouse. The thought of Greg and Augie in the meadows intrigued me. There was Timmy and Ryan visiting the football player's camper. There was Doug back at the river house with his parents, and then there was me. I wanted to be with all of them and I wanted to be with none of them. I didn't belong anywhere.

It was warm but not too warm and there was a slight breeze blowing up the river. Kids screamed bloody murder as they ran around in circles, chasing their tales near the clubhouse while more people splashed and swam on the other side of the boathouse from me. The noises blended together in one huge happy chorus of family life. I'd never been that connected to my family. I didn't have a clue where my own brother was or what he was doing. The rest I didn't care about.

Ryan came past me with his sister at his side as they charged onto the road and up the hill toward the meadows. He turned back and dashed over to me as she went on without him.

"Hey, you better keep an eye on your friend," he said, sounding concerned.

"Timmy, he knows what he's doing."

"He's in the camper with that old guy. I got to go. I don't trust old guys. You better go over there."

"How old is he?" I asked, remembering he hadn't looked very old while he was tossing the football, maybe mid-twenties.

"Maybe twenty-five," he said, seeming alarmed by the number. "Maybe even older. You can't trust the old ones."

"Twenty-five isn't old," I said.

"Yeah, well, Timmy's got ideas and that guys way old for him. I'm just telling you that you better watch out for him so he don't get into trouble."

"Yeah, okay," I said, not thinking anything of Ryan's sudden morality.

I turned my back to the table and watched Ryan run until he caught up with his sister. They climbed the hill and slowly went out of sight. I thought whatever they were up to they were in a lot more danger than Timmy was. I had a pretty good idea where they were headed and why. I was tempted to follow them to see what I could see, but the thought of Greg catching me spying and kicking my ass for it was on my mind. I didn't want any more trouble with him.

I roamed over to the clubhouse and 'd sat on the grass watching a few games of horseshoes. I went in and played video games after two boys a little younger than me quit the machine. I played some really short kid a game of pool. He almost beat me but he sank the eight ball in a bold shot that he must have seen on television.

I came out the back door of the clubhouse and stood looking into the trees when I saw football guy out behind his camper. I didn't see Timmy and he hadn't passed me on his way out. I remembered what Ryan said and I had a sudden need to see that he was okay. I eased myself toward him looking like I was just strolling alone and stumbled onto him. He noticed me coming and stopped what he was doing to make eye contact.

"Where's Timmy?" I asked like he was responsible for him, but once I got there I didn't know what else to say.

"Timmy? Saw some kid he knew and took off with him. I think he's a couple of campsites down. They had ice cream and Timmy wanted to get in on it."

"Oh!" I said like a real dufus.

I had nothing else to say as I watched him sorting through some can goods in a canvas bag he'd dragged out from under the camper.

"You'd be Martin?" he said without looking at me.

"How'd you know that?"

"Tim said he was here with Ryan and Martin. I met Ryan, you must be Martin."

"Yeah. Who are you."

"I'm Van."

"I seen you play football," I said, cocking my head and admiring his big arms and thick chest.

"You play?"

"Too small."

"Nah, size don't matter unless it's the size of your heart. Nope, I seen some awful small dudes tear my butt up."

"You? Right! I guess. I like throwing it around. I like watching on television. I don't want to play."

"That's a good answer. Tim was right," he said, pulling out a big can and seeming to be satisfied with this find.

He tossed the bag back under his vehicle.

"You like Dinty Moore Beef Stew? Put hair on your chest."

"Not if I can have home made. It's okay. I got all the hair I want."

"Well, I promise not to make you eat any then. Come on inside. He'll be back when the ice cream runs out or he wears out his welcome."

"What do you see in him," I said, suspicious of the man but still following him into the small camper.

"Is that the question you really want to ask? Tim says you think about everything. I guess you've thought about a teenage boy being in here with an adult."

His back was to me and he had the can open in a flash and dumped into a saucepan. He turned and leaned his back against the stove, looking hard at me. His head nearly touched the ceiling. He had broad shoulders and real arms. He hadn't shaved for a day or two and his dense blue eyes seemed unnatural with the dark brows shaggy hair that hung on his forehead. There was hair at the top of his T-shirt and thick forests on both of his legs.

"He's pretty young," I said for lack of anything else.

"...And I'm pretty old," he said with no expression.

"You aren't old. Older than him by a ways. Too old for him maybe."

"He sure has you pegged," he said, chuckling as he reached for a spoon to stir the stew. "He talked about you quite a bit."

"Who does what?"

"Tim said you are always two thoughts ahead of yourself. You confuse him because you ask so many questions. He says he's afraid to tell you he likes you because he thinks you might hate him. He says he can't talk to you."

"What? Timmy? I like Timmy fine. He's a little too...."

"Not so he can tell. You see, that "little too" is what he gets from you. People read people when they care about them. He likes you and he sees you holding back. Guys his age equate that as a sign they aren't liked."

"Guys our age," I corrected.

"Yeah, in a way, but guys might be the same age in numbers and far separated by intellect and emotional maturity," he tried to explain to my addled brain.

"I said he's fine," I defended, feeling like I was being scolded.

"You've got to let people know where you stand. They don't know if you don't tell them, and if you don't tell them you might miss out."

"It's just that he's so, so.... I don't know that I want him knowing I like him."

"He's so forward. You think he'll expect something from you."

"Something like that."

"You can tell him that you like him but he shouldn't expect anything from you."

"I guess I could."

"You should. It will make him feel better about himself. He doesn't feel very good about himself. He needs friends like you. He can't have everything he wants but he can have good friends."

"You don't know me," I said. "Why would you say that? Why do you care whether or not Timmy and I understand each other?"

"Because you're honest. You don't always know how to say what's on your mind, but you have a way about you. I will say that for you. He needs honesty from his friends."

"I guess. So what are you doing with him? Is it true what he says...? Never mind. It's none of my business," thinking he might want me to explain what I meant.

"Yeah it is. It's your business if you make it your business because you care about him or you wouldn't ask. I'll answer your question because you'll know I'm telling you the truth. I'm not doing anything with him."

"Right! He said...." I caught myself again.

"You believe everything he says?"

"I don't know," I said thoughtfully.

"Do you know what rejection is?"

"You need to ask. I thought you knew everything."

"I try never to reject guys like Tim. It's my policy to build something and not tear it down if you can at all avoid it. Especially adolescent boys."

"I bet," I said, being more suspicious than ever but still sitting in there with him with the door closed and not feeling like I was in any danger at all.

"Teenage boys, as tough as they are, are probably the most vulnerable species there is. I try not to discourage them."

"So, you're saying it wasn't your idea? Fine, you're off the hook, but you are a little old for him."

"I'm not saying anything. You know Tim. He doesn't waste time with a lot of superfluous chat when he wants something. He's a lonely boy. He needs to connect with people. He thinks the only way he can connect is with his body. He uses it to get attention."

"So it's all his fault that you did things."

"It has nothing to do with fault. He decided what he wanted and I was unwilling to deny it to him. If I had found a way to say no, he'd simply have gone away feeling like someone else had rejected him. What transpired was enjoyable to both of us and while I didn't encourage it, I let it happen. If there is fault in that then I accept it. I was his age once."

"You're a nice guy," I said sarcastically, not knowing why I wouldn't give the guy a break.

"I try to be. You should try it some time. You also might try a little harder to listen to your heart. You know Tim and you know I'm telling you the truth. So, I'm twenty-four going on senility to you. I'm not so far from where Tim is. I know what that's like and I'm not going to hurt him if I can help it."

"Let me guess, you're gay?"

"I don't label what I am. I'm a bit of everything. I've shared a lot of experiences with a lot of people. I can't come up with a nice easy word to describe it. I haven't denied myself my feelings by saying I'm either this or that. I am a student of life, learning, if that helps you."

"So, what's it like?"

"What's what like?" He asked, sliding into the seat across from me after stirring again.

"Being not so far from where Timmy is. How do you get out of teenage-hood alive?""

"It's still scary. Sometimes it's scary as hell. You just do it one step at a time. I don't know any other way."

"Why is it so scary for you?"

"It's scary because you never know if you are doing the right thing for someone else or if you are merely doing it for yourself. People try to make it sound horrible if you are doing things they wouldn't do. You want to be a good person, but what is that? I listen to my heart and pray a lot."

"You sound pretty sure of your facts. How do you know what Timmy feels? If you just want to be a really good guy, why let Timmy.... You know?"

"I had a friend. We'd been friends forever. When we reached fourteen, we became real close. It's not something I figured I'd do with a guy, but we stayed together until he was seventeen. He was the one that wanted this and I was fine once we got started. He met a girl and dropped me like some slimy slick-hot rock. I never forget how that made me feel. What he said to me when I came over expecting everything to be the same and one day it wasn't."

"Bummer," I said, feeling bad I'd made him think about what I could see was painful for him.

"I didn't understand then. We were close and then he avoided any contact with me. It was like I was suddenly diseased and he was just fine."

"Maybe we should talk about something else," I said.

"I got the last laugh. I was King of the senior Prom and took the head cheerleader to the dance. He saw me and for the first time he didn't run. He called me a few days later and apologized for being such an asshole, and then he asked me to go out with him."

"What did you say?"

"Bite me once and shame on you. Bite me twice and shame on me."

"Huh?" I said.

"He broke my heart. He wasn't going to get another shot at it. Besides, I was straight after that. I dated Cybil for two years. We got along well and she never treated me badly. She was a real doll."

"You screw her?" I bluntly blurted out.

"What? You're bold as brass. Tim didn't mention this side. What we did is none of your business. Do I have sexual relations with the opposite sex? Definitely! Do I have sex with dudes? Definitely! Do I have a preference? Definitely! I prefer to be with whom I'm with when I'm with them."

"Isn't that a copout? Don't you have to be one or the other?"

"How so? I take it as it comes. How do you take it?"

"Any way I can and as often as possible," I said.

"Aren't we sage. I'd say you don't get it often enough with whomever it is you have an eye for. What's the problem? You're cute and plenty smart."

"Timmy told you that," I said, angered by his knowledge.

"No, he told me he liked you and the other stuff I told you. The only one he mentioned liking you was him. Who has won Martin's tender young heart?"

"I don't know. I'm fucked up. I don't know anything. Just when I think I'm figuring it out, it all gets all screwed up again. And I'm not smart."

"Join the club," he said. "I'm a charter member of the life's-all-fucked-up club."

"Sage is shit my old man uses in turkey dressing. You calling me a turkey??"

"Far from it. Sage is a seasoning but if you look at what it means to be seasoned, you come up with someone who is wise, philosophic. That's what I was saying about you. You are too wise for your years."

"I don't feel sage," I confessed. "When does it start getting easier?"

"Coke?"

"Root Beer?"

"How about RC?"

"Cool," I said.

He took out some ice and dropped the cubes into a glass. He poured from a two-liter bottle of RC, handing me the glass. He prepared one for himself and stirred the stew before sitting down.

"It doesn't, Martin. You just get used to it."

"Fuck!" I said, lying my head down on his table.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, Martin. Is there something I can help you with? Sometimes an ear is the best part of someone new."

"I guess."

"You'd find it a lot easier to sort through if you talk to someone about it. That's what you learn makes it easier, but never easy. It takes work to be happy with your life."

"Someone like you, I suppose? I don't even know you? Why would you give a fuck?"

"Don't you know me yet? I'm Van. Hi, Martin. I am glad to meet you."

"Very funny. I have a good memory."

"I bet you do," he said, shaking his head in amusement. "Regale me with what you remember about the pain you feel."

"Is that like, talk about it? I don't know if I want to talk about it. It hurts too much. I just want to get past this to something that doesn't hurt so much."

"That's when you need to talk to let out the pain. Speak the words and you release the poison."

"That what you do for Timmy? You his shrink?"

"If that's what you want to call it," he said.

"Is it true what he says about you?"

"Probably, but I wouldn't hang a star on everything Tim says. He's prone to exaggeration and wishful thinking, like most teenagers."

"He says you got a big one," I said, not believing I said it but being excited by my words as I watched his face.

"It's relative, my young friend, and so unimportant."

"Who's relative? If you were going to sit on it, it wouldn't be so unimportant," I said boldly, going where I'd never gone before.

"Size is relative. No matter how big you are, there is someone bigger. No matter how small you are, there's someone smaller. It's not important as long as it works."

"Yeah, you haven't seen the guys I hang around with?" I said. "I feel like the mighty midget some times."

"Greg or Augie?" he said with little hesitation.

"How do you know them?"

"Same way I know you. Tim has a lot of involvements. Those are two and you're the third."

"We aren't involved," I said. "So, how big is it?"

"I'm a big guy and size is relative. In this case I'd say that Tim has his facts correct. I am a large."

"But it's relative and relatively unimportant," I said, watching him spoon out his stew.

"Be careful with him. He's a nice kid but it wouldn't take much to turn him sour."

"Fuck, something else to worry about. I can't help him. I can't even help myself. Don't you understand, I don't understand anything," I protested too loud.

"What's bothering you, Martin? You can't make life into anything but what it is. People are people and you can't expect them to conform to your needs. You've got to go to meet them on the trail and hope they come meet you half way. I have a strange feeling we aren't having same conversation. Why not give it to me straight and quit making it difficult."

He sat and ate his stew one distinct spoonful and mouthful at a time. I watched him chew and saw the way his arm bulged each time he put the spoon to his lips. I wanted to get up and go. I wanted to touch his arm, to feel his muscles. I wanted to see it and I wanted him to show it to me without my asking. I was both hot and scared shitless. My mind was bouncing off the walls as my temperature rose from being so close to someone like Van. He did seem honest.

What's bothering you?" He said it calmly, like we hadn't been talking about it.

"Not much. The guy I'm in love with hates me. I'm also in love with his brother, but he doesn't want to be with a guy at all, except when he wants to be with a guy. We've just met Augie and everyone's in love with him."

"What about Ryan?"

"Him too," I said.

"You're in love with him too? You need to check your hormones at the door."

"No, I don't even know him. He's in love with Augie. He talks like he's fourteen going on forty. He's been around more than me. Not that it would take much."

"This Augie must be a real piece of work. I went through my entire childhood and never loved anyone but Kim Andrews. Listening to you guys, you sound like love incorporated. How did you find all these guys?"

"It's not love. Believe me it's not love. Every time I get near a guys dick, I just... I don't know. I don't have to like them to want... you know."

"You said you were in love with somebody," Van said. "We could start there. Who are you in love with?"

"It doesn't matter. None of them can be bothered with me. I'm the old spare tire they test out when there's no one else. If you don't have someone to try out, call Martin. He's good for a laugh but not very big and not too bright. I'm fifth wheel incorporated. I hate all of them."

"Sounds tough. When did all this start?"

"When I met Greg a few weeks back. My life has been out of control since."

"Sounds like love to me."

"I don't know. I took one look at him and I wanted to have his children."

"Neat trick. Let me get you under a management contract before you conceive. I'll make you a rich man. We'll need to keep your whereabouts secret because most good moral folks are going to want to kill you. Morality really isn't what it used to be. So is Greg willing to make you pregnant?"

"Not in this lifetime. Doug's his brother. He's even better looking. He's so nice. I just don't want to be with anyone else when I'm with him. He's wonderful. Greg's a prick. A good prick in way."

"Doug doesn't want anything to do with you?" Van asked, trying to get the players straight.

"I wish. That I could deal with. He doesn't want anything to do with me except when he wants sex. Then it's constant. I can't say no and I hate myself after I say yes. It's the same with Greg. Did I mention he's a prick. I promise myself I won't do anything he wants me to do. Then I get with him and I'd eat a mile of his shit to see where it comes from. I'm so fucked up," I said, dropping my head back down onto the table.

Van got up and sat beside me, putting his arm around my shoulder. My face ended up on his chest and the tears broke loose as quick as he touched me.

I never really cried any more. I wanted to cry all the time but the tears rarely came. With Van I became the Hoover Dam and the dam just burst. He held me and my body shook and he patted my back and said things in a soothing voice. Finally after I stopped, he just held me for as long as I let him.

"Hey, knew you'd like him. Did you show him your dick or did I interrupt something, I hope?"

Timmy's voice was like fingernails on a blackboard. I sat up trying to get the lingering tears out of my eyes before he saw me crying. I looked out the window so he couldn't see my face as Van moved his arm.

"He wouldn't show you his dick? That's nothing to cry about. I'll show you mine."

"Fuck you," I said, choking off a sob and a laugh at the same time, and then I started to hiccup.

"Now we're talking. I didn't think you cared. You got some lube, Van, while he's in the mood?"

"He came looking for you. I think he was worried I might molest you. He cared enough to do that."

"Him? Get real. It's all I can do to get him to let me blow him. Speaking of which. Michael wasn't interested because he had ice cream to eat. Can I blow you instead? You said I could later."

"No, I have company. I said you could later last summer as I recall."

"Ain't that later?" Timmy inquired with an evil smile on his face.

"Too late for you," Van said. "Martin and I were chatting and that might be a little impolite."

"Don't mind me," I said with a coy little smile. "Wouldn't want to see you reject poor little Timmy."

"You're too much, Martin. I think there's hope for you."

"He'll blow you too," Timmy blurted out.

"I will not," I said indignant. "I'm not like you."

"Yeah, he will. He says he won't but he will. He's just like me only he tries to act like he ain't."

"It's all relative," I said.

"You can say that again," Timmy said.

"I have enough trouble without starting up with someone else," I said.

"What kind of trouble?" Timmy asked not believing me. "You got Doug and Greg and Doug says Kent is hot after your ass. What the fuck do you want?"

"Kent, that's a new one," Van said, shaking his head and smiling real big at me. There was a twinkle in his eyes.

"That's Herbie's brother. Herbie's the place where all sex starts. For most of us anyway. He was Greg's first, Doug's first, my first, everybody's first. Kent is just like him only younger, more handsome, and harder to get," Timmy announced.

"Why do I have a feeling I need a score card. Martin's telling me how difficult it is for him," Van said.

"Greg isn't speaking to me. He hates me. Doug's pissed off. Augie doesn't know I'm alive. Herbie'll go with anyone, and Kent, I've seen him once," I explained. "He is cute. I could like him okay."

"Yeah, well you must have made a hell of an impression. Doug says he doesn't talk about anyone else. When's Martin coming over? When's Martin coming over? You're a dog, you know that?" Timmy blurted.

"I am not," I said as Van stood with his mouth open while Timmy and I fought over the list of players.

"Greg talked about you all night. He keeps asking me about you and Doug."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"At first he wanted to know what you said about him. I can't win. He comes after me to ask about you."

"What did you tell him," I demanded.

"Nothing. I told him you never talk to me. You never mentioned him to me."

"I do too. You know I like him."

"He wanted to know who you were doing it with," Timmy said. "Who you might be seeing."

"What did you tell him?" I demanded again.

"Nothing. I told him you never talked to me, and everyone wants to try it with you but mostly hadn't yet because you're hard to get. Of course he saw you and Doug and wanted to know why you were with him last night."

"You're always too busy to talk to anyway," I shot back. "What did you tell him about Doug and me."

"Martin, it sounds like you have nothing to shed tears over, Van said, "Wake up and smell the coffee, boy. You have something they want. I never had anyone interested in me. It just happened between Kim and me. There wasn't another guy in fifty miles that fooled around with other guys that I knew of."

"It's not like that," I said.

"So if he was so curious about you when he was with Timmy, what happened between then and now. You say he hates you. Why would he be asking questions about you? That just doesn't add up."

"He came down last night. I was with Doug. Greg said he wanted me to be with him," I said. "I told him that wouldn't be fair to Doug. Doug and I had never done anything. We were friends. I thought we were."

"Yeah, well he came down for Martin, and Martin was with Doug in his sleeping bag. That's when he took me instead," Timmy blurted out.

"I was talking," I said.

"Takes you too long to get to the subject. Jesus already! That's when he was asking me about Martin and who he done it with."

"He wanted you to go with him and you turned him down for this Doug kid?" Van reasoned, "What do you expect of him? He sounds like he's interested. He wouldn't be grilling Tim if he wasn't. You need to rethink all this. In my opinion I think this Greg guy has got the hots for you. You turning him down has turned up the heat. This the first time you've been unavailable to him."

"I was with Doug and he's nice," I struggled along. "I didn't want to go with Greg if I could be with Doug. Yeah, it's the first time I said no."

"Oh! That changes everything," Van said. "Then he starts asking questions about you. Still sounds like love to me."

"He doesn't act like he's interested in me. He acts like I piss him off. If he's not mad at me about one thing, it's something else."

"That's love," Van said. "You need to learn how to play the game. Guys want what they can't have. Guys don't want what they can have. When they can't have what they want, it makes them want it all the more. It's all quite scientific," Van said.

"Sounds like Voodoo to me," I said.

"That too," Van said.

"He wanted to know how often you got with Doug," Timmy went on after listening to us carefully. "I told him never, just last night. He didn't believe me. He asked me twenty times. You sure they aren't doing it all the time when you ain't around? Doug tells me everything. I knew they weren't doing it, except last night when he caught them at it."

"He sounds jealous of this Doug kid."

"He's also Greg's brother," Timmy said.

"Oh! That's right. I thought something was missing," Van said. "I'm starting to get the big picture now. You're in love with brothers?"

"That's not quite the entire picture," I confessed. "Doug and I were together one other time."

"I never heard of that one. How come Doug didn't tell me?" Timmy asked.

"It just happened."

"I knew it," Timmy said, smiling from ear to ear. "I knew you loved one of them."

"Greg caught us down by the river this morning," I said meekly.

"Where?" Timmy asked excited.

"On the path that runs south from their property."

"On the path. That's like on the way somewhere?" Van asked.

"More like on the way to no where," I said.

"Caught you?" Van asked. "What was up when he caught you?"

"It's hard to explain. Doug gets these spells. He wanted.... He wanted me to...."

"To blow him," Timmy blurted out. "Doug's like that. He wants it in the dumbest places."

"No, he wanted the other thing," I said.

"He never wants that form me," Timmy said.

"So, Greg caught you fucking his brother," Van said, putting the final pieces into the puzzle.

"Yep," I said. . "And Greg said I should never go around him again."

"He hates you," Van said.

"Thanks a lot," I said. "It really didn't do a bit of good talking about it if he still hates him in the end, you know? I wish it never happened. I wish I never met him."

"That's the kiss of death," Timmy said. "Greg done never change his mine when he goes against someone. He went against Kent. They hate each other now."

"That's not the best thing in the world to get caught doing, Martin. Brothers have a natural competition going on about most things. You've put your stock with the younger brother and to an older brother, that's as bad as it gets," Van said. "If he admits he cares for you, then he admits his brother beat him."

"So you mean my chances with Greg aren't very good?"

"I'd say that was about as accurate a statement as you've made. An Act of God would be your best hope. Pray a lot, kid. I'd give Greg a lot of room if you really like him. Stop seeing his brother and he might relent in time."

"Great, Doug never wants to except when it fucks me up with Greg, and Greg never wants to unless I'm fucking Doug. I can't win. This is so fucked."

"Sorry," Timmy said. "I took up for you. I told him all good stuff. You fucked it up. You got to learn some self-control, Martin."

"Thanks," I said with no sincerity evident. "You're a fine one to talk."

"You need to back off. Take some time to see how you feel. Let him cool out," Van advised.

"I know how I feel," I said. "That's the problem."

"You've got to learn to go with the flow. Don't calculate your happiness by what makes a Greg or a Doug happy. You've got to figure out what makes Martin happy. Until you do that you're just chasing your tail."

"Let me get this straight. You're twenty-four and full of all this wisdom you've accumulated since you were my age and the best you can come up with is, go with the flow?"

"It's the best advice I can give a guy that's determined to love someone," Van said. "Loving is not easy, my friend."

"Go with the flow," I said. "I guess I should avoid living near volcanic eruptions?"

"Okay, so that's a bit vague. I'll give you the most important rule I've learned about life, Martin. Happiness comes from inside you."

"Inside me? I'm in real trouble," I said, wondering how that could be.

"You generate your own happiness or your own misery for that matter. People with absolutely nothing can be happy and people with everything can be in misery. It comes form the inside and flows outward. You can't find happiness in Greg, Doug, or Augie. You've got to find it in Martin."

"How do I do it?" I asked, taking this seriously because he seemed serious about it.

"It's different for all of us. It takes time to find what creates your happiness."

"But you just said it comes from the inside. Being with Greg would make me happy if he wasn't such an asshole," I protested, getting Timmy to spit his mouthful of soda all over me to boot.

"You're going back to him making you happy. Look beyond him. Look inside yourself. No one but you knows what's in there."

"What makes you happy?" I asked.

"Life, the challenges, the newness, exploring what I feel."

"Let's go through the football around," Timmy said.

"Okay," Van said.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 23

No Contest

I was a runner and I enjoyed softball but organized sports were never my thing. Throwing the football around however was. The spring afternoon had started to cool, making the activity more fun. It started out with Timmy, Van, and I, and Timmy's friend with the ice cream, Michael, joined us. We played for awhile before Ryan's sister came past us and not long after that Ryan showed up and wanted to help us. Doug came in search of the missing at about the same time and he said dinner was waiting and his parents had gone to play cards with some friends.

Greg and Augie showed up ten minutes after Doug appeared and they wanted to play tackle. We ended up with Van, Augie, Timmy, and I on one team and Greg, Doug, Michael, and Ryan on the other. On the first play Van threw a perfect pass forty yards into Augie's outstretched arms. I was on the right team. Greg countered with a twenty yard out pattern that Doug caught in the clear and he scampered down the sideline for an unopposed score.

The next series saw Greg hitting Augie like a Mack truck, knocking him nearly senseless just as he was about to catch another of Van's perfect passes. Ryan picked up the vacated ball and scored. Greg and Augie wrestled for the next few minutes until Van finally yanked them apart and asked if we were playing football or fooling around with each other. Both boys seemed startled by his demeanor and his size indicated he could take both of them at the same time. We went back to football but the two of them didn't miss a chance to punish each other.

A few plays later Van laid the exact same pass onto Augie's fingertips as he scooted for a score that tied things up. As Augie came back carrying the ball he had a sudden look of recognition on his face. He walked straight up to Van, looking him over carefully seeming a bit star struck by what he saw.

"You're Van Morris. Oklahoma, two, three years ago. I wore your number on all my shirts that season when I was twelve or thirteen."

"Yeah," Van said, not at all excited by the recognition. Five years ago."

"You blew out your knee," Augie said sorrowfully. "You were great. The next Elway."

"No, I had my knee taken out. Texas Longhorn game. I made the mistake of throwing six touchdown passes against them in a spring scrimmage. Their linebackers took it personal. They were determined to take me out when we met in the regular season. I guess they were a little better at what they did than I was," he lamented in a moment of total recall.

"Bummer," Augie said. "I waited for you to come back, but you never did."

"Nope. Never did. I can still walk though. That's something."

"You'd a been one ah the great ones," Augie predicted.

"He played real football?" Michael asked. "Who was he?"

"He was great," Augie said for everyone to hear. "Started three games his sophomore year and won all three in a walk."

"How do you know some dude from Oklahoma?" Greg asked skeptically.

"It's where I'm from. All guys follow the Sooners. All guys from Oklahoma."

On Van's left knee was the telltale tan knee brace. It all made sense. The top of Augie's head came up to Van's nose, so he was probably six foot four. He was thick down to an unsubstantial waist and then his thighs flared out, tapering down to the knees. His arms and legs were covered in fur and it was easy to believe he had been a profession athlete, at least one in the making before a bad hit ended a promising career.

The next time Augie caught a touchdown, he ran back and leaped into Van's arms. It was obvious something had changed between the two of them. Augie's bucolic persona gave way to that of an awestruck little boy. Van held Augie for only two seconds before setting him back on the ground. In Van's arms, Augie looked like a play thing. There was that quick congratulatory butt pat that I zeroed in on and for an instant I remembered what I knew from Timmy comments about Van.

The game went on for some time and then Ryan had to pee and Timmy was thirsty. We were leading by six touchdowns and Greg complained about Van being a "real" football player. Van and Augie were better at ignoring him than I was.

On one play Van decided I should take Augie's place as long receiver, and while Greg and Doug double-teamed Augie, Van would drop the ball in my arms and I was to make it a seven touchdown lead. It worked just like he drew it up except for one slight flaw, Greg never took Augie's fake and he was on me like stink on shit. As I reached for the ball Greg hit me at full speed and folded me back onto my shoulders as I caught only the turf.

He jumped up triumphantly not knowing where the ball was or caring. He strutted off as Van came to see if I was dead or not. To my best recollection I wasn't but it was a close call.

"You okay, Martin?" He asked, standing over me like some benevolent god.

"I feel like I was road hard and put away wet," I mused as I rolled up onto my knees trying to find a way to make breathing less painful.

"You'll be okay. Just had the wind knocked out of you. Walk it off kid. Don't let him know he hurt you. Don't ever let them know that they hurt you."

"Okay," I said, thinking I missed something as I held my ribs.

That left only Augie and Van on one team as I crawled to the sidelines on my hands and knees. Everyone walked away except for Greg, who went and sat next to the boathouse and stared at me as I was still trying to remember how to breath. I gave up trying to move and rolled onto my back until breathing became easier Greg's eyes stayed on me as he sat showing no emotion.

I finally forced myself up to my feet and I looked at the empty field and then him. I steadied myself and walked toward him. He looked surprised that I would approach him. I watched him setting his resolve, after a slight look of relief came on his face once I was walking. He kept his eyes on me like he wasn't sure I hadn't picked up a rock or something.

"It was a good hit," Greg said like it was open for discussion.

"Yeah, only I ain't no Green Bay Packer. It's called a game for a reason."

I slid down on the seat directly across from him, grabbing my side as jagged air tore at my lungs. I stifled a cough as it hung in my throat.

"So?" Greg said with contempt back in his voice.

"I'm sorry," I said with a great deal of sincerity.

"What?" He answered, made uncertain by my words of contrition.

He was completely thrown off balance by my apology. He had smashed me and I was saying I was sorry to him. I could see his mind looking for an answer to the incongruity. I let him search for awhile before finishing what I came to say.

"I've never been with Doug before, sexually speaking. I would never have done it where you might see. It's not something we planned. It just happened."

"In the middle of the fucking path?" Greg howled. "Augie saw. He knew I liked.... Never mind."

"I can't explain that one. I'm sorry I did it. If I'd known you might come along.... I'm just sorry, okay. It happened because I couldn't stop it from happening. I can't explain it any better."

"Lot of that going 'round," he said, folding his hands together and looking around nervously as though we had reached the limits of what he was going to listen to.

"I like you Greg. I like you a lot. I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose."

"You, hurt me? Get real, asshole. I must have hit you harder than I thought."

"I want to be your friend."

It was my final appeal. I had nothing else to offer him. I had no reason to believe that it would make any difference to him but I was going to give it my best shot. Then it would be up to him.

"Life's a bitch," he said without much thought before he pushed himself away from the table, turning and walking away like I wasn't there at all.

I watched him moving down the road toward the river house. His wide shoulders and round butt hadn't changed at all in the weeks since I'd first laid eyes on him from that same angle. What I felt about him had become so complicated that I no longer knew if I liked him at all or not. He always left that slight opening for me to squeeze my hopes through. He'd rake me over the coals for ten minutes and all I would remember was the one word that wasn't sent as an insult. I wasn't able to understand why I still was so drawn to him, but I was.

Once he was out of sight I got up and looked around for Timmy or Van, or some human form that might provide some comfort, but the field was empty. The game had been called. Some kids yelled in the background and there was smoke starting to waft in the air from several early evening campfires. The air had turned cool but not uncomfortable. I remembered Van and thought I might go chat a little longer with him. He seemed to know what he was talking about and I had never known a real athlete before.

I walked in back of the line of campers and RV's, after going through the clubhouse. When I came to Van's camper, Timmy and his friend Michael were standing at the window peeping inside through a slight opening in the curtain. They were so distracted by what they were watching that they didn't notice me moving up behind them.

"You feel mine and I'll feel yours," Michael said with his hand obviously moving to the front of Timmy's pants.

I suppose he was thirteen or fourteen. He was fairly tall but not at all filled out. He was caught in-between childhood and adolescents at its most awkward stage. His face was quite youthful and his arms had fine blond hairs but no sign of muscle. The hair on his head was darker than blonde but it wasn't brown either and the sun had bleached the tips. He mainly grew straight up and down.

My attention went back to the window where they stood. As soon as Michael noticed me he yanked his hand off of Timmy, seeming almost horrified that I'd seen him touching another boy.

"What's up," I said.

"No... No... Nothing," he sang, backing up to reveal the tent in his pants which made it impossible for him to deny what was on his mind.

"Van's fucking Augie," Timmy said doleful. "Can you believe that. I couldn't take that thing up my tailpipe."

Timmy's words sent hot flashes through me. The thought of seeing Augie engaged in some sexual pursuit had the hair on the back of my neck standing in appreciation, not to mention what stood in my pants with no further stimulation needed. I leaned to see through the convenient space in the drapes at the corner of the window.

Now I knew I should run them off and I should leave. In a perfect world that might happen, but I didn't live in a perfect world and I was every bit as curious as Timmy and his friend. I leaned behind Timmy to see what I could see.

Augie was leaning over the table where I had been sitting. His hands were holding both sides as Van stood behind him, holding Augie's hips. Stand may have been a misnomer. He rocked back and forth pulling Augie toward where I knew his erection had to be. By the strained expression on Augie's face, there was no doubt that Van was sliding in and out of him as we watched. I could hear Augie's muffled moans as Van seemed determined to get to whatever hidden treasure that was inside the handsome boy.

"Let me see," Michael said, deciding he wanted his place back. "What are they doing now? Did he put his dick up his ass? I was there first."

He forced himself between Timmy's back and my front, leaning over to peer in and at the same time he started feeling the front of my pants. He didn't bother to ask if I had an opinion about it, but this way there was no risk I would say no before he found out what he was looking to find out. He did take a look at my face to see if he could find any animus therein.

I'm afraid all he found was a dufus in ecstasy from seeing the perfect boy being fucked while another boy, however imperfect, was playing with my dick. His immaturity and lack of beauty was outweighed by the skill in which he employed his fingers to give me pleasure. The only thing disagreeable was that he stopped after a few minutes and became attracted by the indoor games.

We all three of us peered in at the sex as the two men rocked and shook as they drove toward destinations unknown to the likes of us boys. I could only imagine what the two of them got from their linkage, but Timmy was more than happy to explain the more technical mechanical aspects of the procedure.

"That fucker's fat as my wrist," Timmy swore his oath in a whisper, shoving his free hand in the air for us to gage the size of his wrist. "No way I'd let him shove it up my ass. I could barely get my mouth around it."

"You sucked that old guy?" Michael asked with alarm in his words.

"Ah...," Timmy said, looking for some acceptable answer once Michael's distress was obvious. "It's what you like, isn't it."

"Yeah, but he's old. He's queer. We're kids. It's different if we do it with each other," Michael advised with his most conservative reasoning.

"Yeah," Timmy said, going back to the window. "That's true."

Michael stood silent for a minute before he left our voyeur's nest. I didn't like the note on which he picked to make his exit. There was something unsettling about a boy who has a cock in each hand and then becomes distressed by the talk of having one in your mouth. Perhaps it was my inexperience that had me thinking the two were related and couldn't be that offensive to anyone so disposed as he. There were more important things to attend to just then.

Augie's face was hidden between his folded arms as the table wobbled from Van's sturdy thrusts. Augie looked up and his hands grasped either side of the table. This time he pushed himself up on his arms and I could see where his raging red erection was hooked at the edge of the table. It was one of the most incredible dicks I'd seen, shinning red amongst the black pubes. I could see his chest working overtime as he gulped air while his body shook and a line of cum then leaped out of him and impacted the window with incredible force.

Augie looked up toward the ceiling as if praying for salvation while he expelled another stream of cum. Van's hand was searching for the erupting member as he continue his search for ecstasy. Once found and secured, he pumped away as Augie exploded with another stream that barely reached the window. Several more weak squirts dribbled across the table toward us before the puddle started oozing out and growing under his dick head.

Augie's face told the tale and I wasn't sure I wouldn't be the first in line to volunteer for the next such operation. This eagerness might have stemmed from my youthful enthusiasm, as well as my lack of understanding for the amount of pain one could endure while in the pursuit of pleasure, but I was eager to discover any and all aspects of my sexual deviance, no matter the risk, as long as someone held me like Van was holding Augie. I needed for someone to hold me that way.

"Fuck!" Timmy gasped. "That's awesome. I'm going to blow a load watching this. Too bad Michael left. He'd get me off."

His hand reached back for me as he spoke and our faces were pressing close together as I leaned over his shoulder. We continued to watch. People walked by the front of the camper but they were parked so close together no one took a good look to see us lurking there. I ran my arm across his hip letting my hand slid into his pocket. He immediately moved his dick into my grasp. I could feel its warmth through the material. I could feel the excitement throbbing in him.

Van sat at the table, pulling Augie onto his lap without disengaging from him. I cursed the table that kept me from seeing how the man entered the thin boy. Augie sat listless as Van held him in place with one big arm around his slim chest. He seemed to be rolling under him as Augie leaned up and then he would sit back down. Augie's hand slid easily in the cum on the table as he steadied himself. His cock had drooped down over his balls, losing not an ounce of its luster or that glorious red color that shinned through the sticky remnant of his mighty orgasm.

There was a loud grunt followed by Augie leaning forward to grasp the far side of the table. Van made some final desperate thrusts, using their new positioning to facilitate his eagerness, and all at once Augie was yanked back down firmly into his lap. Placing both of his arms around Augie's handsome chest, Van shook and so Augie shook, as spasms ran from one to the other. It became obvious that his lust and passion was at that instant flowing. They both sat quiet for the first time since I had begun my vigil at the window.

I must admit their passion took my breath away and left me with a stiff resolve. The next thing I knew they were standing up with Van in front of the table right where he was when I came up. Augie ran his hand over his chest and down until he grasped the rubbered up organ. Augie sat at the table, pulling the beef to his lips, kissing the latex with both lips and tongue. He pealed it off using both hands, kissing the entire length as the naked flesh was exposed, and finally he sucked the thick wet knob into his mouth. Van swooned, reaching for the table so he wouldn't fall.

My own knees were failing me while I felt Timmy's cock with a renewed vigor. At the same time I started rubbing my badly leaking appendage against his butt.

"Let me suck you," Timmy said.

"Not here," I protested.

"Then fuck me. No one can see us," he whispered in a gasp.

"Let's go in the woods. I'll do it there. Not here," I bargained.

"I don't want to miss any of this," he said.

When I got my mind back on the action, Augie was standing with the rubber and it's dripping contents, rubbing it on his dick as Van stood there immobile. Then Augie put the latex on his own less than stiff penis, but it wasted no time rising to the stimulation. His hand worked on his prick, using Van's cum to enhance the experience as he thrust his hips at his hand. He then leaned until his back was on the table and he started jacking off faster once he was flat on his back.

"Fuck!" Timmy said. "Don't just jack me off. Suck it."

"Not here," I hissed.

"You're a drag, Martin. This is so hot."

It was so hot. Van put his mouth on Augie's shielded cock. He took it all into his throat and then removed the rubber while still sucking Augie. His mouth was just short of reaching the boys pubes, but it didn't seem to matter because Augie was erupting as we watched. His moans and the thrusting of his hips were a dead give away to what was happening. The gobs of cum spewing over Van's lips and chin were another indication that the muscular boy was at his zenith. With knees bent and holding Van's face on him, Augie rocked and rolled as the table wobbled under him. After a minute his arms fell limp, and Van started coughing loudly.

Timmy's cock was well up in my fingers as I did my best to caress and titillate him so he'd let me watch in peace. I must have done a fine job with him because all at one he leaned hard on the camper with a groan as my hand was suddenly receiving a free fill-up of sticky stuff. He tried to do it quietly, but the passion of the moment made for audible moans.

"Damn it, shut up, Timmy," I said, losing my own peak as it was about to explode.

"Shit!" Augie said, standing naked behind us. "It's them. They're watching us."

"Don't worry, Augie. They're both cool. They won't say anything. Let's get back inside before someone else shows up and sees you like that."

"Shit!" Augie said, just then realizing he was standing outside in the nude.

Van had taken time to pull on his underwear but Augie was bear butt naked and still dripping cum. Timmy and I followed them back through the open door without any further ado, but I don't think I was too eager to face them, after being caught spying.

"You two should know better," Van said.

"Us two?" Timmy said. "What about you two? You keep telling me I can't and you go and do it with him."

"He's an adult. Adults can make the choice."

"He's not either," Timmy said.

"He's close enough. You aren't even in the ball park."

"You said I could...." Timmy complained.

"You don't listen to my words. You make up your mind before you try to understand what I'm saying to you. You're fine, Timmy. You're a great kid. I like you. I'm just not comfortable doing anything with you. It has nothing to do with me not liking you."

"You said I could next time, and it's next time and you're doing it with him."

"Jesus," Augie said.

"Timmy, you need to be with boys your age. I can tell you why I think that is, but you'll only half listen and accuse me of lying or worse. I'm worried more about you then me or I'd just let you have what you want. It's not that easy."

"Looked easy to me," Timmy said, looking dejected.

"I wish we'd talked about it. I should have explained it better. It was my fault and I'm sorry. We'll talk about it tomorrow and I'll sit down with you so you know why I feel the way I feel."

The camper grew quiet as we had all run out of things to say. At least the heat had gone off me, but I was old enough to know better. I could tell that Van was disappointed that I would do what I did.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 24

The Son's Only Moon

The air in Van's camper weighed a ton. I considered making a run for it but escaping to Greg's didn't seem like much of an option. I found that I couldn't look at Van and luckily Augie went to take a piss because I couldn't take my eyes off his semi-erect ruddy red dick. While we were alone with him and the only two people close enough for him to slug, Timmy decided things weren't quite bad enough yet, and so he added gasoline to the fire.

"Michael saw."

"Shit!" Van said. "Did you sell tickets or just invite passersby?"

"What now?" Augie asked, coming out of the john and leaning on the fridge at the other end of the camper.

"The skinny geek who played football with us was watching too."

"Oh no," Augie said in major distress. "Everyone's going to know."

"He isn't that skinny," Timmy said.

"Yeah, he is," I said.

Van took the seat across the table from where Timmy and I were sitting. Augie turned his back to us and leaned against the fridge with his face in his arms. All I could think about was what I'd seen Van doing to that beautiful shapely round ass of his. The heavy air suddenly grew hot as I studied the curve and crack until Timmy leaned over to see what it was I was looking at. Van turned to look over his shoulder.

"Will you two quit. Get your mind off it for just a second."

"Sorry," I apologized, resting my forehead on the table, but I could still see Augie.

"I don't suppose I've got to ask what you think you saw," Van said, hoping it wasn't as bad as it was.

"Quite a bit," Timmy said proudly.

"And what happened to your pants boy? You pee yourself or what?"

Timmy turned a brilliant red, not quite up to Augie's best color, but close enough for an honorable mention. For a second it seemed like Timmy figured there was no escaping the difficult truth, his head drooped and he folded his hands in front of him before confessing.

"Yeah, I pissed myself," he said, looking at me for help.

"You were out there long enough to do that?" Van asked. "You did it in your pants? Jesus! Aren't there any limits any more? What are you guys thinking?"

"He did it," Timmy said, deferring to me after his lie failed. "I mean his hand did it. What could I do? He won't leave me alone. The boys a sexual fiend. I knew I said I wouldn't tell on you Martin, but the truth hurts."

"Yeah, right! Fuck me, Martin! fuck me while I watch!" I mocked, lifting my head up high enough to be able to see Augie's smooth hot ass one more time as I spoke.

"Oh, Jesus," Augie moaned into his arms.

"You should know better," Van started in on me this time. "I thought you were halfway intelligent. You realize the position you've put us in? How dangerous this could be if that other kid talks about this to his father? What were you thinking? I wouldn't have expect this of you Martin."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I only.... I don't know why I like watching. I just do. Once I saw you... once I knew what you were doing, I had to watch. I've never seen anything like that before. You guys know about sex."

"The devil made you do it," Van said, mocking me about the way I did Timmy.

"Something like that. I couldn't stop watching. I knew I shouldn't. I knew it was private between you two, but I wanted to see it. I would say I'm sorry for looking, only I don't feel sorry. I mean, it was awesome. Both of you were awesome. I want to have sex like that."

"Thanks for your critique. I don't suppose you'd both promise not to say anything to anyone about what you saw us do."

"Fuck!" Augie moaned to the fridge.

"Greg's been trying to fuck him all day. I don't see what the problem is if he likes that kind of thing," I blurted out in a burst of jealous fervor.

"But he hasn't," Augie said, finally looking toward the table with fire in his eyes. "I pick who fucks me, understand. Shit! I'm trying to explain my sex life to two children."

"I'm not going to say anything," I said. "It's none of my business who you do it with."

"Why?" Timmy asked passionately. "I'd figure you for the fucker. I wanted you to fuck me. I had a wet dreams about it."

"I didn't know Greg let you sleep," I said, turning on Timmy.

"Shut up!" Timmy snapped.

"You go to jail, asshole. You learn about stuff you've never thought of before. You get free and you forget what you did up there. Then you meet a guy like Greg, who's at you every minute, sensing he can get it off you. You start remembering your dick being harder than its ever been. You remember how you cum and keep on cumming with a guy doing that to you. You realize it's part of you and you want to feel those feelings again. Not with a punk like Greg but with a man like Van." Augie now stood at the table with his eyes blazing fire.

"But you like girls," I protested in my limited knowledge of sexuality as I noticed his dick a few inches from my arm. "How can you.... I mean... getting a blowjob, sure, most guys go for that. I don't understand this end of it if your straight."

"Fuck you, Martin. I don't have to justify to you what I like. I'm a free man now. No one tells me what I like. Just go fuck yourself."

"Martin!" Van said with anger before he caught himself. "Look, this is private. He doesn't need to explain why he does what he does to you two. Augie likes what he likes and you get to like what you like. He does what he wants and you do what you want. Leave him alone with your questions. It was as much my doing as his. I'm supposed to be the mature one in this crowd. I'm supposed to have self-control. I'm as guilty as any of the rest of you because I know better."

"Wasn't either. You said no. I pushed it, Van. Me. Greg got me going. I met you and I knew. Don't say it was you It wasn't you. As soon as you said you liked me it was all over."

"I went along. I could have said no," Van said.

"Of course, you did him a favor. You couldn't reject him after all that football," I blurted out. "You and all this crap you fed me about happiness coming from within. It's bogus right? Something to tell the stupid kid. Seems like it comes from your dick just like the rest of us."

My venom even shocked me. I didn't know why I was pissed at Van but I was. He sat silent listening to my speech. He looked as though someone had slapped him, but I'd only called him a liar and a fraud. No one else spoke as Van regrouped, trying not to loose it because of a crazed adolescent's temper tantrum.

"You asked me and I told you the best I could. Nothing has changed, Martin. Happiness won't ever come from your dick. Yes, sex can certainly make you feel happy. I was flattered Augie liked me. That makes me feel good. It didn't take much persuading to get where we went. I won't apologize for liking sex or for liking Augie. I am as vulnerable to charm and beauty as any one."

"Something like when I met Greg," I said, trying to ease off my belligerence.

"Like when you met Greg. Good analogy. Augie's Greg and I'm you. What would you have done in my place?"

"I could only dream of being in your place," I said in one of my more lucid moments, glancing quickly at Augie's naked body.

Augie looked at me with a strange expression on his face. Van looked at Augie and then at me. He was also shocked by this confession. Timmy wasn't shocked by anything to do with sex.

"I didn't invite him over with that in mind. I just didn't want him to leave me. I invited him over for a drink and some conversation and that's all. The rest happened because I didn't want to stop it from happening."

"I took it from there," Augie said.

"It just happened. It changes nothing about what I told you, Martin. You can grow as cynical as you like, but everyone isn't after your dick. Many of us like you because you are likeable. Life isn't just about the search for sex."

"I'm sorry about what I said. It wasn't fair," I said. "I wish I hadn't watched. I mean because it upsets you that I did, not because I didn't like what I saw. Not because I won't watch someone else if I get a chance."

"Speaking of which, you can buy my silence if that's all you are worried about. You seem to want it bad enough to pay for it," Timmy bargained.

"Timmy!" I said firmly.

"Just how much could you see," Augie asked. "Before we start shelling out. How do we know you saw much of anything? The curtain was closed."

"Michael and I came up right after you two left. Van was standing at the end of the table right about where you are and you were sitting down where Van is. You were rubbing his crotch as I recall."

"What?" Augie said. "Fuck! That was right after we got in here. He did see it all."

"You yanked your shorts off like fire ants had crawled up them," he went on.

"You and that string bean kid?" Augie asked figuring it out as he went along.

"Yep, that's Michael."

"Shit, he saw all that too?" Augie said.

"Yep. Pretty near all of it. He saw I was looking and he looked."

"That's not good. He doesn't impress me," Van said. "He's the son of a redneck, and rednecks aren't among the great thinkers of our time."

"So when did you show up?" Van asked me.

"I talked to Greg a few minutes so we could get something straight between us."

"In your dreams," Timmy said in a condescending tone.

"Will you butt out. Haven't you caused enough trouble for one day," Van yelled.

"...And I came over for some more RC and maybe to talk. I was still queasy from when I landed on my head. Those two were standing outside, Timmy and the String Bean. I didn't know what they were doing at first. I went over and they showed me," I said.

"That's more like it. I didn't have you pegged as a peeper," Van said, glaring at Timmy. "I should have known who started it."

"I didn't stop once I started," I said honestly. "God I want to have sex like that!" I blurted out.

"What did you see, Martin?" Augie asked less sympathetic to my weakness. "Just tell me what you saw."

"You were bent over the table with him behind you. You came. God did you ever! You sat on his lap. You took the rubber off slow like while you...."

"Okay, okay, I get the picture," Augie moaned. "You saw what I did with the rubber? Fuck!"

"Yeah, all of it. It was awesome."

"Oh fuck. I'm ruined," Augie said. "You guys can't tell anyone about this."

"Not on account of me," I said. "I'd never tell anyone. Who'd believe it? I was watching it and I didn't believe it. I mean it was hot as shit but I wouldn't ever talk about it or anything."

"Thanks," Augie said, not sounding thankful.

"Now all we've got to worry about is this con-man and the geek," Van said, sounding worried. "I believe Martin when he says he won't tell anyone. He won't cause us any trouble."

"Mike left right after I came up," I said. "Only we know about the rubber and the weird stuff."

"Shut up, Martin," Augie said.

"He didn't see the end?"

"Nope," I said.

"That's good," Van said.

"He played with my dick," I said. "Almost the entire time."

"He what?" Van asked.

"Right after I came up he latched on to my dick. Through my pants, I mean. He wasn't actually touching my dick, just through my pants. Like that."

"He's always trying to get me to blow him," Timmy said, sounding like he was trying to be helpful.

"He might keep his mouth shut if he knows you'll tell that on him," Van said. "It's our only leverage. You didn't touch him, Martin? You didn't place his hand on your dick to get a cheap thrill from the runt?"

"No! I just stood there watching Augie and he grabbed hold of it."

"That leaves this guy," Van said and we all looked at Timmy.

"Yeah, looks like I am holding the joker," Timmy said.

"What's it going to cost me," Augie said. "What do you want from me?"

"You, nothing, I wouldn't ever say nothin' to bust your balls. I like you. This guy promised me something and went back on it," Timmy said, sounding more playful than larcenous.

"This is serious business, Timmy. I want this resolved before you leave out of here," Van said. "This isn't a game."

"My terms are simple. Show Martin your dick and then give me a shot at it. He don't believe how big you are. He thinks Greg is big."

"They aren't in the same league," Augie verified. "Take it from someone who knows, Van's all man." "What?" I protested. "Leave me out of this. Timmy's the one wants your dick."

Augie started laughing and seemed relieved for the first time.

"He should have done what he said he was going to do and I wouldn't want nothing to keep quiet. It's the principle of the thing," Timmy reasoned.

"What's so funny. I'm not a show horse," Van said.

"Why does this upset you so much. I mean both of them have seen it. I don't understand the deal," I said.

"Martin, if we lived in a perfect world I wouldn't care. I wouldn't mind that kind of attention. I've got two under aged boys in here, and one who's just short of legal. Two of them have an intimate knowledge of my genitalia. There's a redneck offspring out there roaming around having seen me in a compromising situation with one of you. That's why I'm upset."

"Why does any one care what we're going in here. We all agree sex is pretty good stuff."

"Yeah, only we live in a society that demands conformity and this doesn't conform to their idea of acceptability."

"Yeah, right, there all out there diddling each other's wives, that's lame. I don't care what they say is acceptable."

"It doesn't matter what they're doing, because they make the rules. They're more interested in what we're doing."

"You didn't do anything," Augie said. "Nothing I didn't get started."

"Yeah, me too. Once I saw that bulge in your britches, my full time occupation was getting a look," Timmy said reminiscent of their history together.

"You're missing the point. It's my responsibility not to let it happen. I did. That's big time jail time in this state if people start getting wind of it."

"How bogus is that," I said. "Why do they care so much about where I put my willie? It isn't like everyone isn't doing it. What do they think, we're all doing it by the numbers? Get real."

"That's the reality you've got to live with," Van said. "It's a reality you better understand before you go peeking into windows and letting little boys hang on your joint. It can end up bad if the wrong people hear about it."

"I never thought of any of that. I'm old enough to figure out what I like," I said. "I'm sure not going to consult my parents."

"Not in this state you aren't, little boy. Let that kid say you made him touch your dick, and you're history. They'll lock you up."

"Fuck that," Timmy said. "He's after it more than I am. Once he knew I'd blow, shit, he don't want to do nothin' else."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I understand now. I'm sorry I watched. I'm sorry you're upset. I'd never say anything. I'd undo it if I could."

"I know, Martin," Van said, patting my arm with his huge hand. "We'll just wait and hope for the best."

"Me too," Timmy said. "Now whip it out and let's close this deal."

"I wouldn't mind getting another look. You kept hiding it from me," Augie said sounding playfully.

*****

Now, size isn't everything, and if it were, most of us would come up woefully short. That said, size is nice if you happen to have it. I certainly wouldn't be as aware as I am if not for the two sets of brothers I first fooled around with. The fact they were all hung like ponies left me feeling like I was robbed, but even Greg and the boys would have felt inadequate had everyone around them had a dick the size of Van's. Van was no doubt all man, having just missed being all dick. I came away with a new respect for Augie's resolve.

*****

We left Van and walked out between the campers, turning toward the river house. There was movement when we passed the boathouse and Michael and two younger kids he had in tow came toward us.

"There he is. He's queer," Michael said, bumping into Timmy as a challenge no doubt.

"Is it true," a twelve year old, who looked way too much like Michael, asked. "It's not, is it Timmy? You're not like that."

We all came up short with Timmy's mouth falling open as the little boy looked at him carefully to see if he could find the answer in what he saw. Timmy immediately looked to see who else might be within earshot. Augie had stayed long enough to say goodbye to Van and came late to the meeting of the young moralist league. He bumped himself between Michael and Timmy, which was a neat trick since Michael had stayed planted in Timmy's face.

"This the one, Martin. He the one was feeling your dick," Augie growled.

"Yeah," I said. "That's him. He grabbed my dick, the little creep."

The twelve year old turned to face his taller counterpart. His face showed the confusion he was left with. Will the real queer please stand up, I thought.

"Let's get out of here," Michael said in a shaky voice. "They're all queers. All of them."

"Be careful of him little boys. That's what queers do, accuse others to get the attention off themselves, and then they go for your dick," Augie said with his voice raising so they couldn't outrun the sound. "Has he felt your dick yet? That's how you know the queer ones."

"He has. I've seen him," Timmy said. "And that's his brother."

"As if I'm surprised. That should give him something to think about."

"I did not!" Michael said loudly as the three boys seemed to be arguing about fifty yards away with Michael between the two younger boys.

His inquisitors stayed focused on him and lost interest in our departure.

We walked along in some quick developing brotherhood I hadn't sensed before the encounter. We were all connected in a way. Augie was happier than I'd ever seen him. He cracked jokes and held Timmy's hand as we walked. I got on the other side so he'd feel obligated to hold my hand, and he did, looking at my eyes as we walked. It was nice.

"There's one thing I don't understand," Timmy said.

"Heaven forbid there should be something about my sex life you don't know about," Augie said. "Will you guys get over yourselves. I don't ask you about what you do."

"I don't understand how it fit. I mean, I like that. A lot! I'd never try to fit Van up there. How could you do that?"

"Practice, Timmy."

"How? You ain't no wider than me. He's... he's huge. He'd rip me apart. No way."

"Up there, you first do it because they make you. One guy was almost as big as Van. Most were regular size and a couple were bigger, more Greg's size. You better not tell anyone any of this. It's private. You understand."

"Okay, I won't. So they raped you? Like the stories about young mans going to prison?"

"Yeah, pretty much like that. You fight the first time or two. Then you understand you're giving them more pleasure. Some only like it if you fight. No fun if you don't. They lose interest."

"There took turns?" Timmy asked thoughtfully

"Uh huh! That's how it works."

"How many?"

"First time, I guess all nine. That was the most."

"In one night," Timmy said in horror.

"Yeah, I saw a couple twice. You loose track after three or four. You make it into one long fuck instead of a lot of little fucks. Makes it easier."

"How'd you stand it?" Timmy asked.

"You don't. You survive it. I survived."

"How?" I asked, trying to picture it but unable to connect to it.

"Like at the dentist. You pretend he isn't drilling the shit out of your teeth. You pretend guys aren't drilling the shit out of your ass."

"Damn," Timmy said.

"They actually took turns," I said, trying to imagine it.

"They actually took turns," Augie said. "One guy was almost as big as Van. He never went first and was pretty gentle. That's how come I can do Van, I guess."

"That must be terrible," I said.

"You adjust, adapt, and move on," Augie said.

We stood on the road next to the house to finish our conversations. Augie turned to face us and his eyes shinned in the starlight and from the light on the outside of the house. He looked really nice. He even looked happy. I remembered how unhappy he seemed the first few times I saw him. Augie had changed or I had.

Dinner was ham and cheese on rye, ham on rye, cheese on rye, and cold rabbit by the bucket. There was fresh squeezed lemonade in the fridge and it was exquisite. How she kept it from being too tart I don't know, but it rolled down my throat like one or the other was silk. I must have drunk a gallon on my own.

We sat down in the basement talking for hours after dinner, Timmy, Doug, Augie, and me. Greg had something to do but that came from Doug. I didn't see him after we got back. I lay on my sleeping bag as Augie leaned his back against the cinderblock wall with both Timmy and Doug on either side, leaning against him. We talked about nothing in particular but the conversation always came back to the jail where Augie did time. This time it was Doug who had the questions as Augie's history was slowly coming together.

"They didn't knife you while you were up there?" Doug asked.

"No, I was a commodity. I was protected."

"I'm sorry," Doug said, sounding like he wanted to cry.

Augie put an arm around Doug, and then Timmy insisted on an arm of his own. I felt a bit left out but they didn't even know I was there, so it wasn't a big deal. Augie was the centerpiece of the conversation once more.

"So what's up with Greg?" Doug asked.

"Hell if I know. He was pissed about you two watchin'. It wasn't like we didn't hear you. We went to confront you... well, you know, on the path. He was bent out of shape over that. What we saw. Oh yeah, he wants me to go hunting tonight."

"That's not all he wants. Why do you let him?" Doug asked, snuggling against Augie, looking for more than the answers.

"I haven't. I know what he's after. Don't tell him he ain't going to get it." Augie said. "It'll do him good if I leave him high and dry after he's worked so hard for it."

"Why would you do it if you don't have to? You aren't locked up any more," Doug said. "My brother gets what he wants."

"He hasn't gotten me and won't. I don't care for him. His style anyway. His pretty immature about it."

"What did they do to you up there."

"You really want to know? I think Timmy and Martin are tired of hearing about it."

"Not me," I said, all ears.

"Me either. You've never told about the first night. How it started and all," Timmy said.

"The first night! They waited 'til lights out. We was in this ten man cubical. No bars separating us. They'd been nice all day. A little too nice, you know. I wondered what was up with that. Givin' me candy, sharing stuff, acting like we was friends."

"Some of them were nice?" Doug asked.

"I suppose. They were all three, four, five years older. I liked the attention. Older guys never liked me before. I wasn't very well liked as a kid. Never stayed anywhere long enough to make friends.

"It made the first day better. I wasn't as scared after awhile. One guy came onto me after lights out. One of the oldest. He sat on my bunk talking. We was in skivvies and like that, and he started rubbing on my leg through the blanket, you know. I hadn't had any since leaving the foster home and I was getting all I wanted there. Three of the four girls were screwing all the guys."

"What happened?" Doug asked. "In jail."

"I'm getting there. First let me tell you about this one kid at the foster home. That leads into the other. Whenever I was with the eighteen year old girl at the foster house, and just when I was with her, he'd sit at the foot of the bed and play with my balls while she rode my dick. I'd be on my back, so they hung down for him. It's the only thing I done with a dude before jail. I never minded it, but I thought I should. I missed it when he didn't do it. It turned me on. I'm just throwing that in so you know I thought of it before."

"So the guy was playing with your leg, remember," Timmy said, feeling Augie's thigh until his hand was up between his legs.

"I was still in shock over being sent to prison. I hadn't done anything since getting busted, like I said. I was thinking about that kid playing with my balls while I was screwing. It got me going when the guy rubbed my leg. So I was horny as shit and now the guy's hand is under the blanket and I'm just letting him do what he wants. I was hard and he felt that, but just like he was checking to see if it was. He laid on the bed with me, all up on me, you know, and he starts rubbing my skin, up inside my thighs and like that.

"Two of the youngest dudes came over with their dicks out, hard, you know. It was obvious what was going down by then. One kissed me and put my hand on his dick. The next thing I knew we were sucking and fucking, only I was the fuckee. The old guy went first but my mouth was already stuffed full, so there wasn't much I could say. It happened all of a sudden. He was up there before I knew it."

"What was it like?" Doug asked.

"Scared the shit out of me. There were dicks in my mouth and up my ass for hours."

"Why did it scare you?" Timmy asked.

"I don't know. I was all overheated. It wasn't like with girls. There was so much going on I couldn't deal with all the feelings. My dick, my ass, my mouth, my hands were all involved. Guys kept rubbing on me to keep me hard, and it was so hard I thought it might burst open. It hurt it got so hard a few times. I couldn't figure out why I was so horned up over being raped.

"There was only two of the young guys that did stuff to me that I'm aware of. I mean that tried to make me feel good. The rest would touch my dick while they screwed me, but two guys kissed, sucked, did everything. That made it easier on me. They could have just tore me apart, but they wanted what they wanted. We're talking pretty young guys, late teens, early twenties. I'm sure hard time would have been a lot worse. These guys had probably been through it themselves. I was new meat to them."

"Sounds pretty bad," Timmy asked pointedly.

"That first night was pretty bad because I didn't know if they would kill me or what. It took awhile for me to realize it wasn't as bad as it could be. The thought was worse than the doing."

"What do you mean?" Doug asked.

"Picture nine guys in line waiting for a turn on your ass. It's pretty scary even now. But it was one at a time and I was making out or getting head some of the time. There was a mixture of fear and lust. It's not like in the movies, wasn't that way for me. It had its moments. It jams all your senses in high gear after a couple of nights. You go with it and can't believe all the stuff they're doing to you."

"I bet," Timmy said. "You did them all the first night?"

"Yep! That's the way it worked."

"After that?" Doug asked.

"I fought some but I never won. A few guys just took what they wanted when they wanted it. The rest were a bit nicer. You needed to figure out if you wanted it hard or if you wanted it easy. Most lost interest the next time a new fish came."

"New fish?" Doug asked.

"New con. Preferably new young con. The next one was prettier than me. He got it hard the first night. Wasn't too nice a kid. Kept fighting over it. Nasty mouth on him. They liked that. They didn't have to hold anything back."

"So it was easier to give it up willingly," Timmy said.

"No doubt," Augie mused. "I was lifting weight by then and once I was getting bigger, I only did what I wanted. The nice guys stayed nice to me and the mean guys got with the other kid."

"You a bad ass?" Timmy asked, feeling Augie's muscle.

"No, I'd prefer to think of myself as a good ass. I didn't mess with anyone if they didn't give me no grief."

"Not the new kid?" Timmy asked.

"Yeah, well, I'd been the center of attention for awhile. I had to make sure someone else was taking my place. That meant sealing the deal in his ass. He was a fighter. I understood what they meant about liking you to fight. A pussy, but a fighter the night I fucked him. It was the only time I joined in by the way. If I hadn't they'd a been right back to my bunk wanting my ass the next day. You had to mark your turf if you didn't want to belong to someone else."

"So that got you off the hook?" Doug asked.

"Sorta. Freddie became their new boy. I did just what I wanted."

"So you liked it? Some of it?" Doug asked.

"Funny! I wouldn't use those words. I liked some of them. Some I hated."

"The guy with the big dick?" Timmy asked.

"Neutral. He was gentle but old. Twenty-three or maybe older."

"Like Van?" Timmy asked.

"Nothing like Van. The guy was a con, slow, but harmless. He'd cum in fifty seconds. So Van doesn't scare me."

"What about Van?" Doug asked. "Why would he scare you. He's nice."

"Nothing," Augie said. "He's twenty-four, that's all."

"Timmy says he's big," Doug said, raising his head off of Augie's chest. "Like that other guy?"

"I suppose," Augie said.

"So what did you like?" Doug asked.

"Not so much what, who."

"Who?"

"Yeah, some of them were cool. Three by the end. We took care of each other."

"You had sex with them? I mean because you wanted?"

"Yep. If I had to do it I wanted to do it with the ones I liked. I needed sex. I wasn't going to go without."

"I'm hungry. You hungry?" Doug said. "Want a sandwich?"

"Sure," Augie said. "Some of that lemonade too."

"I'll go too," Timmy said, jumping up. "It'll take both of us to carry it if everyone wants to eat again. I want some Ruffles. There any left?"

"How about a soda instead," Augie said.

"Ice?" Doug asked.

"Yeah, ice."

"Martin?"

"Whatever you're having. I'll take one of each."

Augie stood and straightened out his clothes before moving to the window.

"They got a beautiful layout."

"Yeah, the moon and stars should be out," I said. "They shine in that window all night. I watch them twinkling out just before I get up in the morning. You ought to stay with us down here tonight and I'll show you."

"You an early riser too?"

"Yeah, I like talking to Greg's father. He's neat. He's funny."

"Yeah, he's a wise man. He knows things."

"Yeah, he does."

"They act like such kids," he said. "Timmy and Doug."

"They are kids," I said. "You're a man. We just seem like kids."

"I didn't say you. You act grown up," he said, turning to look at me and his black eyes shinned.

"I get accused of that a lot. I think because I never hung with other kids."

"Why's that?"

"I was different. I never liked other kids. Too giggly and stupid."

When I moved up beside him I looked out at the clear night. Our arms brushed even though the window was eight feet wide. I could feel him next to me.

"What you said when we was at Van's. You mean that or what?"

"I think so," I said. "Depends on which stupid thing it was you remember."

He turned to face me. "You said you wished you were in Van's place when he was doing me. Did you mean that?"

"Oh That. Sure. I wish I could be like him. I wish I could make you feel as good as he was making you feel. I shouldn't talk about it. It was wrong me watching it."

"No, it's cool. I trust you. Guys watched all the time up there. It don't bother me."

"I could only dream," I said. "I think that's what I said."

"Yeah, you could only dream. That was nice. I didn't think you liked me. Doug and Timmy, I knew all along that they wanted to... but you... you never get close enough that I can tell much."

"I am close," I said, feeling the heat coming from him as our eyes studied the other.

He leaned in and started to kiss me. His lips were moist and trembling ever so slightly like he was nervous doing it. He made a slight noise I'd never heard come from anyone before. It was hot. Everything about Augie was hot. His tongue was like the rest of him, long and powerfully slender. I gasped when his hand felt me. It was gentle and he felt the entire length before squeezing the tip between his thumb and forefinger. I kissed more passionately, sucking his tongue. Our bodies locked together and I felt faint. My head spun as he explored my soul with his tongue, and that's when I heard someone clearing his throat.

"Excuse me. They said you were down here. I didn't mean to interrupt?" Greg said, interrupting. "I just wanted to tell you that if you're going hunting with me and the old man, you might want to sleep up in my room. It's a nice soft double bed. Plenty of room for... you. Anyway, come on up when you're done. I'm turning in so I get some rest."

"Yeah, I'll be up later," Augie said looking in my eyes and kissing me again without worrying about Greg being there. The next time we broke off the kiss both Doug and Timmy stood there with the refreshments, waiting for us to take a break. They both looked shocked at what they saw.

"You keeping him warm for us?" Doug asked. "You didn't look interested before."

"He was cold. I decided to warm him up," Augie said without hesitating.

"That'll do it," Timmy said. "Anyone for Lemonade? I brung the rest down. Maybe I should just throw it on you two. I mean like there's steam coming off Martin."

We all laughed.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 25

Sunday Morning Confession

Augie had stayed with us downstairs until midnight. He said it was time to go hunting and disappeared into the night. I heard the sounds of Ike leading the hunters across the mountain meadows some time later. Doug had slipped into my sleeping bag after I fell asleep. I was holding him and it was comfortable enough that the sound of the hunters couldn't rouse me totally. I nestled close to him and fell into a blissful sleep.

When I woke, Greg's father wasn't out at the stove. The cool misty morning air drifted up from the river and hung low on the patio outside the window. I pulled on my flannel shirt to take the chill off my arms and went in search of a cup of coffee and some conversation. Ike, the sleek black lab, lay unperturbed when I passed a foot from his nose as I neared the kitchen. I opened the door and stood for a second listening to the house. There wasn't a sound. I eased down the hall to Greg's room, pushing the door open so I could see him.

He was on his stomach lying diagonal across the bed. One of his arms hung off the far side and the covers were wrapped around his lower legs like he had been woven into them. He was naked from the top of his crack upward. His face was serene and lovely. I stood there thinking of what could be if he were more of what I needed and less of what I feared. I could have climbed in bed with him and he wouldn't have thrown me out. Greg didn't throw guys out of his bed, not before he used them. If I did that he won and it truly would have been over.

Even though he said it was over, I never believe him, because with him it had never started. With me it had. I could wait for another time and another opportunity. I wouldn't climb into bed and yield to his will. I would never yield to Greg's will. I didn't know much but I knew power was Greg's game and I would deny him power over me. I would find a way to turn it around until I could use it against him. I didn't know how and I certainly didn't know when, but I'd find a way.

It seemed clear that you never attacked an adversary at his strength. If someone had told me that love was mortal combat I would have laughed. That's such a contradiction from how it is in the movies. How can love be battle? We fought every day just to hold our own ground and now I found myself fighting for love. I didn't know how it was possible but that's the way it was between Greg and I. He was alone and I was alone and I wasn't sure why. There had to be a way to start over so he didn't hate me but once again I came up dry. I eased the door closed and left him alone.

My feet crunched the gravel on the red road and I imagined the snow under my feet on a winter's day. The mist wasn't as dense on the road but it still lingered and drifted out from between the trees reminding me of a John Carpenter movie. It was even cooler now than when I first got up and out. Of course my body was still warmed from the heat of Doug's body and now I was on my own.

The sun had yet to penetrate even in a tiny way, but it was obvious the new days was well under way. I figured it was at least six-thirty as by the time I was approaching the campground. I could see two tiny wisps of smoke rising up from either side of where the vehicles parked too close together. I saw one man walking toward the pier and another was passing out from in-between two of the campers.

Then I noticed Michael seated at the picnic table by the boathouse. He too was alone. He was wearing cutoffs and a flimsy baby blue jacket. His hands were jammed down into the bottom of his pockets. His long thin hairless legs were crossed at the ankles and his socks were drooping over his tattered sneakers. With one foot still on the gravel road and the other just touching the campground grass, his eyes met mine in a sudden collision that neither of us was prepared for. He took off for the confines of the family campsite, looking back once to see if I was in pursuit.

He was one more contradiction I knew and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why a boy would be playing with my dick one minute and calling me queer the next. It didn't even make a little bit of sense, but in all my relationships since meeting Greg, little of it made any sense, at least not to me it didn't. Maybe I just wasn't cut out for loving someone. Maybe that's what this was all about.

There was a light on in Van's camper as I came up from behind. With the trees looming up close behind the back door it was still nighttime. I hesitated thinking it was early but Van had always been receptive to me. This was one sure way to test his patience, I thought as I held my knock for a second. I didn't like putting people out for any reason but I needed some more of Van's wisdom and I was badly in need of human contact with someone who made just a slight bit of sense.

"What the fuck," he said, answering the door.

He had a fluffy white towel knotted tightly a few inches below his belly button. He couldn't have been far from the door because it shot open immediately after I knocked. He moved back a step and stood up to his full height. He looked even bigger standing over me in the back of his camper. I took the giant step up and slid directly into the seat at the table. He grabbed a shirt and yanked it on to over his furry chest. He didn't look at me again until he had done that.

"Coffee?" he asked much more at ease.

"Yeah! I didn't get any this morning."

He slid a cup down in front of me. The aroma swirled up through my nose with the steam. I looked at the ugly black liquid that I was still denied at home. I liked cream and sugar but I wouldn't ask for anything else.

"It's chilly," I said, warming my hands on the cup.

"Yes, chilly," he said while wondering why I was there.

"It's cloudy. Foggy out."

"Foggy? You came by to give me the local forecast? What are you doing here, Martin?"

"I don't know. I needed someone to talk to," I said. "People sure sleep late on weekends. I like first light best. It's peaceful."

"You don't listen all that well, Martin and I'm still tired. Did you notice anyone out there when you came up?"

"No, a few people starting to move around, I guess. Not really."

"I just went out to take a piss before I fixed coffee. I'm walked the few steps to the trees and I'm draining the main vain and that kid's watching me piss. Scared the b'Jesus out of me. He's just squatting there looking up at it."

"Who?" I asked.

"String Bean. Is he out there? His camper is three down. What's he doing sitting out directly behind mine? That worries me."

"Over at the boathouse. Sitting at the picnic table. He took off for home when he saw me."

"He asked me if he could come inside. I told him I was going back to bed. He just stood there staring at me like the weight of the world weighed down on him. Kid gives me the willies. The elevator isn't going all the way to the top floor or something."

"I don't know him except from the game," I said, forgetting the confrontation I thought might upset Van.

"He's the one that saw us screwing, right?"

"He's the one."

"If he had said anything his old man would have been over here by now. He's a Budweiser drunk, loudmouth. Bosses his old lady around like she's a dog."

"Timmy knows them. I don't," I reminded him.

"I think we're okay. I'm still a bit angry with you, Martin. You're smarter than that. I'd have expected you to stop them not join them. I still don't understand you."

"What do I know. I'm a dump kid. I saw something that peaked my interest and I wanted to see how it all came out," I said. "You need to be more careful because I couldn't stop watching."

"Very funny. You're sticking with the devil made you do it, huh? I'm always careful," he said. "I guess I'll check the curtains from now on."

"I wasn't trying to be funny. I watch everyone. How could I not watch you and Augie? It's not like I had a choice about it. You don't get to see a thing like that very often. You sure couldn't get that kind of thing on film."

"I guess not," he said, thinking back and brushing the thoughts away from his insight.

"Augie's hot. It would be hard to say no, you know. I mean he's beautiful, you know."

"I didn't want to say no to him. I was looking for a way to justify getting right to it with him once he came on to me."

"He kissed me last night. God, I was in heaven, Van. He's so nice," I said. "I think he's great."

"Martin!" Van said.

"I can't help it. You seen how he looks. He kissed my sorry ass. I couldn't believe it, you know. He's a fucking man. The hottest fucker I ever seen and he kissed my ass. He was in the basement with Timmy and Doug and me and he waited for them to go upstairs and he just dropped those lips right on mine. Wow! I thought I'd died right there."

"Martin!" Van said again, apparently not wanting to hear about my wanderlust.

"What's wrong with that? I wanted to do something, anything with him. God, I wanted to rip his clothes off and I'd a done anything he said. That's why I was pissed at you. It wasn't because of you, Van. I think I was jealous of you being with him. He was letting everyone feel on him but me. I didn't think he knew I was alive until last night. Then he kissed me. WOW! I'm still in heaven."

"Martin!"

"You're supposed to say, yes he is. I can't help it. I'm more fucked up than ever. I've been with Doug. I was with Timmy and Michael outside your window last night, I want to be with Greg, and now I want to be with Augie. How fucked up is that? I wouldn't care with Augie. I'd do whatever he wanted. How come it's like that with some guys and not with others? How come I get hard every time I think of him. All he has to do is show up and I'm hard. Is that fucked up?"

"Martin, this isn't the time or the place," Van said, interrupting my fantasy for the fourth time.

"I thought you were the one person who I could tell this too. I always hide everything from everyone, Van. I'm afraid to let anyone know my feelings. I'm telling you I'm crazy about someone and all you can say is Martin! I don't care. I like him and that's all there is to it. I know you like him too, and I ain't got no way to compete with what you got, but a guy can dream, can't he? There's a shot he might like me just a little. He kissed me didn't he? God he's so cute."

"I think what he's trying to tell you is that you're giving me a fat head," Augie said, sliding through the curtain that separated the bed from the rest of the camper.

"Fuck! Shit! Damn! I got to go," I said. "What a fucking dope. I got to go. I didn't mean any of that. I was just making small talk. Why didn't you tell me he was listening?"

Augie slid into the seat beside me and put his arm over my shoulder. All I could see was his half erect red dick sitting amongst all that curly black hair.

"Martin, settle down. I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't like you. I don't kiss guys. You see me kiss anyone else? I kissed you, Martin."

"Yeah, right, Timmy and Doug are feeling all over you and you felt sorry for the poor geek. I'm so stupid sometimes," I said, analyzing it as I went along. "I want to die. You got a sharp knife. I don't want to get blood poison when I slit my wrists."

"I didn't kiss either one of them. I didn't care one way or the other about them feeling all over me. I let you know what I felt with my lips. You make that anything you want, Martin," Augie said, leaning his face into mine and kissing me tenderly.

"Okay, okay, the tables for food. Check that. The table's for nourishment. You two can use the bed now that you've managed to get me out of it. I'll never go back to sleep now."

Augie broke off the kiss and his black eyes peered through me just before he kissed me again. My hand went around his waist as I felt his heat. My palm rested in his thick wiry black pubes but I didn't try to do any more. I stared at his face as he moved back on his side of the seat, glancing at my hand's proximity to his new erection. It now leaned on the back of my hand.

"Any chance I could get a cup," he asked, glancing at me and then Van.

Van jumped up and tipped a cup over before he got one filled. He slid it across the table to Augie and sat back down, trying to hide the intense bulging under the towel, but we were both watching as the apple-sized head popped through the split in the towel. He touched it carefully tucking it back out of sight. I was speechless and my mind had shut down for any kind of intellectual pursuit. All I knew was that I wanted Augie just then and there was little else on my mind. I got my body as close to his as it would go.

"He came after they got back from hunting. I was hoping I'd get away without you finding out that he was here, in my bed. Too many people are getting to know too much about me," Van said. "I don't tell anyone about my feelings either, Martin. I'll go back to my girlfriend and my job and no one will suspect there's a whole 'nother side a me."

"You worry too much," Augie said. "We all keep stuff to ourselves. I don't tell anyone what I like, what I want. Why? It's just stuff they can use against ya if they find it out."

"I'd never say anything to anyone," I said. "I only said it to Van because I couldn't believe it happened. I wanted him to tell me what it meant," I said.

"Hell, I can explain it," Augie said, kissing me again, holding my hand on him as he backed off and stared into my face.

"I know, Martin. I'm still nervous about people finding out about me. That kid Michael wants something and I don't want to know what," Van said.

"He was staring at what he wanted," Augie said. "He's queer as a three dollar bill. As quick as I called him he ran off like a little girl."

"Yeah but you came in here and I don't know if he knew you were here," Van said.

"You could have told me to go to my tent," Augie said, staring in his cup. "I didn't come to cause you no trouble."

"No I couldn't tell you that either. That's easy for you to say August. I couldn't say no to you. That's why I didn't say no yesterday. When I saw you coming up with Greg, you were the hottest thing I've seen in awhile."

"Well you did say no but it wasn't the answer I was looking for. I'd already made up my mind about you, Van. You didn't have a choice. That's what you get for being a kid's hero."

"Augie, I thought you wanted a girl," I said, feeling the black hair on his thigh, letting his cock stand up toward his stomach.

"Yeah, well, there's one thing a girl can't do for me. ...And if you say I said that I'll kick your skinny little ass. I guess I've figured that one out this weekend. I'm in no hurry to settle down. I'll just do what suits me until I do."

"With a girl?" I asked.

"With whoever the hell I say. I get to do exactly what I want for the first time in my life. I got time to figure it all out. B was like fucking a pound a ground round. I'd had better in jail."

"You didn't like her?" I asked.

"She's been with her brothers little friends for too long. She just lies there waiting for you to get her going. I like a girl who wants to make love to me. She don't know how."

"How was hunting?" I asked.

"It was okay. Greg's old man knows his shit. I didn't get anything. He bagged three rabbits. Greg got himself one."

"What time did you get back?" I asked.

"He rolled in here about two hours ago," Van said. I didn't go to bed until late. No rest for the weary."

"You can go back to bed, old man," Augie said. "Rest up so you can keep it up."

"I'll never have a problem with that as long as you're around," he said.

Augie smiled and shook his head, looking into his lap at his erection and my hand. He looked at me and smiled warmly, putting his arm around me again and hugging me toward him. I rested my face on his chest and looked at the crimson beauty oh so close to my watering lips.

I wanted to slide down on him but I was afraid to do it in front of Van. I was afraid to do it in front of Augie but I knew he wanted it. My hand did what my lips refused to do, squeezing it as he squeezed me to his body while taking a deep breath. As much as I liked watching others I didn't want them watching my meager efforts at trying to satisfy someone's needs. So far I hadn't been too successful at that.

"You two cut it out. I'm getting jealous now," Van said.

"I'm sorry," I said, sitting up and away from Augie as he looked at me funny.

"You see, Martin. You are way too serious. Lighten up for god sake. We're just friends enjoying each other's company," Van offered.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not as difficult as you make it out to be. Go with the fucking flow will ya. We like you."

"I don't know how," I said. "I've never felt this way about someone who would actually let me get close to them. I don't want to miss anything."

"You need to back off some," Van said. "You're so close you can't see anything. Greg for one. He cleaned your clock yesterday and you go over and thank him. You should have gone over and punched him in the face. That he'd have understood. You don't let a guy get away with that. You do and he doesn't respect you."

"I wanted to make sure he knew where I stood," I said. "That's all."

"You don't think he knows yet? He knows plenty, Martin. He's playing you."

"Yeah, that's all he could talk about after we caught you on the path with his brother," Augie said. "Damn, he was pissed at you."

"You see, he likes you. He wouldn't get mad if he didn't like you. He has everything planned out in his head and you are upsetting the plan," Van said. "That's the only thing that pisses off a guy like that."

"What do I do? My brain fogs over every time I get near him and I just want to get on my hands and knees in front of him."

"Back off him. Just let it go for now. If you're meant to get back together you'll find a way. You'll probably find someone a lot more exciting than Greg in the meantime."

"Maybe," I said.

Augie was looking at me was I felt his chest and stomach.

"He's immature. He doesn't like a level playing field. That's why he keeps all you young guys around him," Augie said.

"What do I do about Doug? He's his brother? He wants to fool around and he doesn't. I know I can get with him but it doesn't make him happy."

"Doug's already told you what to do about him. You told me yesterday. Why go up that road if it's just going to cause more trouble for both of you?" Van asked.

"I guess but what if I don't meet anyone else. I've never met anyone before this? It scares me I might end up alone."

"You like Augie too," Van said. "Augie likes you. Martin, you'll find plenty of guys to like you."

"Yeah! Maybe."

"You're too new to get so serious. You couldn't possibly know what you want. There's simply too much candy after not having any."

"How'd you handle it?" I asked.

"Me? There was nothing to handle. I didn't know guys could do anything until I was fourteen. Guys had always wanted a peek at my dick. I thought it was just because I was bigger than they were. One day this guy says he'll give me a pack of cigarettes if I'd get it up. I didn't even smoke. Just the thought of getting hard in front of him made me hard. I popped it out of my pants and he's already pumping on it. He had trouble getting his mouth around it and so he dropped his pants and bent over. I figured out what to do on my own. We went together for two years. Stayed over each other's house all the time. He was on the football team. I'd always save my best passes for him.

"He met a girl our junior year and that was that. We just stayed away from each other after that. I got a girl to prove I could and we just ignored each other when we were forced to be together."

"That's a bummer," I said. "What happened to the girl?"

"I don't know. We graduated. She went to school and I went to school."

"You ever see him again?" I asked.

"Twice. Once we met at a football game. I was warming the bench at Oklahoma my first year and he's at the Coke concession near the player's entrance at the rear of the stadium. We saw each other. That was weird."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Same as the first time we were together back in high school. We went to the nearest men's room and he dropped his jeans for me. I fucked him so hard I was sure he'd never speak to me again. It was full sized by then. In high school it was mostly long and not all that thick. He didn't seem to mind."

"You said twice," I said.

"Yeah, the week before the Texas game. I was quarterback and I was being interviewed every time I turned around. He was at the Thursday night interview. He stood off to one side with his arms folded in front of him, staring at me while reporters grilled me about the game Saturday."

"What happened?" I asked.

"He had a SUV with the dark windows. We slipped out a side door and got naked in his vehicle. It had a baby seat in it. I never asked about the ring on his finger or why he was there. I wasn't as angry that time but we didn't talk. Hi, how are you, fine, how are you, and we both knew what to do. I did anyway and he was leading me to his car, so he knew even if we didn't say the words."

"I don't understand? You're saying he was married. That's fucked," I said.

"I didn't say he was married. Could have been his parents car," Van said.

"Yeah, right, they're having a second family. He had on a wedding ring?"

"Yep!"

"Why would he let a guy do that to him?" I asked more confused than ever.

"Because he liked it!" Augie said. "It's the one thing a girl can't do for you."

"But he was married?" I objected. "What about his wife. That's wrong."

"Why?"

"They're married. What would happen if she found out? What about your girlfriend?"

"Life isn't what we'd like it to be. My girlfriend doesn't know about my affinity for the boys," Van said.

"Is it fair to her?" I asked. "Shouldn't you be true to her?"

"Where'd you hear that?"

"It's the law isn't it?" I said. "For better for worse? That kind of thing?"

"That's marriage," Van said. "I'm just seeing a girl I like. Dating her. I reserve the right to see guys if I want even if she doesn't know I'm seeing them."

"He was married," I said.

"Martin, I didn't create the world the way it is. There are certain truths and if you don't abide by them you're going to get smashed. Guys don't talk about it when they like being with other guys, especially they don't talk to their girlfriends about that little quirk."

"How can you like girls and want to be with guys? That's what's fucked up."

"You think that's what I was thinking about? Him being married. I was thinking about the fact I still loved him. That hadn't changed. He made the choice and I didn't object because I wanted it as much as he did. He picked the life he lived. I didn't. He's the fraud, not me. He's pretending something is true when it isn't. I don't pretend. I live the life that suits me."

"But why? If I could be with girls, don't you think I would? You think I'd want to live like this? No way. I'd never look at another guy if I liked girls the way I like guys. I don't want to be different."

"There's your answer. I like girls but not the way I like guys. I can be satisfied with a girl but only if I can be with guys when I want. We're built different, that's all," Van explained.

"Some of us don't get to choose. Girl's can't do what we like best," Augie said.

"Yep," Van agreed.

"We like being with girls but we need to be with guys."

"I've never heard of it before."

"There are a lot of things you don't hear about. How do you think the status quo stays the status quo? People can't express themselves if they are too scared," Van said.

"It doesn't seem honest," I said.

"Speaking of honest, why didn't you tell me String Bean called Michael queer last night, Martin?" Van asked without warning. "I told you he was out here watching me pee this morning. Why didn't you tell me what he said?"

"I didn't want to upset you. I knew you were worried about what he saw. He obviously didn't tell anyone, and I can only think there is one reason he stares at your dick and asks to come inside. He did see what happened last night."

"Okay, I'll accept that as a judgment call," Van said.

"That little shit was out there this morning?" Augie asked.

"Yeah, he was watching me take a piss. He wanted to come in the camper."

"Must like what he saw. You'd break that little boy, Van," Augie said. "I'd fuck him just to show him what he is. Little faggot leads around those little boys like we don't know what he's up to."

"They're his brothers," I said.

"It doesn't surprise me," Augie said. "There's something sick abut a guy that plays with a guys dick and then calls another guy queer."

"I don't follow," I said.

"Follow Timmy. Look at him and how he acts."

"He wants everyone," I said. "That's no act."

"He feels alone when he isn't intimate with someone. He doesn't know why. He knows he isn't supposed to be doing what he's doing, but only by doing it does he feel like he isn't alone. It's a vicious circle. He's caught up and can't get out."

"So you're saying he shouldn't be having sex?"

"Not for the reason he's having sex. He feels bad about himself and so he has sex. That makes him feel good for the moment but leaves him feeling worse about himself, so he has more sex so he'll feel good but it makes him feel bad."

"I'm starting to get it. The more sex he has the worse he feels the more sex he has," I said.

"You got it."

"I like sex," I said.

"That's fine if you're having sex for the right reason."

"I'm not sure I am," I said.

"I like sex," Augie said.

"You're different," Van said.

"I'm not that different," Augie said.

"Different enough for me to like you," Van said. "I don't like that many guys your age."

"You went with Timmy," I said.

"Yeah, well, he's a neat kid. He immediately turned my liking into a sexual situation. I didn't know then what I know now."

"But you had sex with him. You're grown. I don't get that part of it either. I don't like grown up guys but I like you. I wouldn't have sex with grown up guys but I'd have sex with you. You see what I mean about being fucked up. That's fucked up," I despaired.

"That's quite a compliment you've paid me. I'm just a guy Martin. A little order but I'm just a guy. I try not to get involved with younger guys even when they are interested in me. It's easier when you don't become involved, but I don't have any moral boundary saying it's bad. It's a legal issue and not a moral one for me."

"If we like you and we decide it's cool being with you, why the fuck not? How do we learn if not from someone like you?"

"I'm grown but I don't always use good judgment. Timmy decided he wanted a shot at what I had. He caught me at a time when I thought I was just being a nice guy, but I enjoyed the attention. It never occurred to me that was what he was after when he came over and started talking to me."

"Like me?" Augie said. "I started things rolling."

"No, I had ideas about you once you started jumping in my arms after a touchdown. You did notice how much more accurate my passes became."

"You made a pass. I didn't notice. I had to get you going as I recall," Augie said.

"Football passes. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"So Augie's okay but Timmy isn't?" I asked.

"I didn't say that. I don't regret being with Timmy. I like him. It wasn't very bright being with him but he didn't seem dangerous."

"He seems dangerous now?" I asked.

"I didn't know he had a problem last summer. He seemed like a friendly kid who needed a friend. I didn't get the sex thing started," Van said. "I haven't let him start it up again."

"We all played with it last night," I said, making him squirm on my words.

"That was different. It wasn't my idea," Van said. "I'm human, you know. I know why I come here but I don't think about it. When it happens, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it happening. My genitalia works like yours. Someone touches it and it responds. Once it starts responding I'm beyond worry."

"But you can go to jail for letting us," I said. "Why would you risk it?"

"I don't have an answer."

"So if it's safe, that's when you'll do it with under age guys?" I asked.

"Not usually. I rarely am around guys like you except down here. I have a normal life, a girlfriend, a job. It doesn't come up very often."

"But if it did during the week would you say no or do what you do with us?"

"Damn, you writing a book? I don't know. I want to believe I always make the right decisions, but no I don't know that. Saying no isn't in my nature. I like sex too. I especially like having sex with guys that like it. Most guys my age, unless they're gay, can't admit they like it. It just happens and they forget about it until it happens again."

"Question and answer is over, you two. I've got to leave out of her at noon. I've had half the sleep I need and I've got to go out tonight."

"I haven't had any. Just what I got after you got up," Augie said. "You just won't leave me alone."

"Me?" Van protested. "You want to stay?"

"Just until noon. Then I'll go back up to that rack of mine."

"I've got to go?" I asked. "I can't keep watch for you."

"You've got to go. I'll be back," Van said.

"I don't know if I will," I said. "Greg isn't real pleased with my performance this weekend."

"Fuck Greg," Augie said. "You better come back. I'll be here all summer."

"I can't force him. It's his family," I said.

"Where there's a will there is a way," Van said. "Call me. I'll come and get you."

Van found his wallet and gave me a card.

"I appreciate your talking to me," I said. "I mean helping me try to figure out stuff. It helps, you know."

"Martin, I've enjoyed our talks. You make me think about things I don't spend much time thinking about."

"Well, I got something you can appreciate," Augie said, standing up as I leaned on the door.

He had to tilt his head down to kiss me. My arms ended up around him and his body felt incredible. I knew it was a goodbye kiss, but I wanted to believe there was more to it than that. I felt his erection and his ass and the kiss continued after Van slid into his bed.

"If you don't come back down I'll come find you," he whispered in my ear as we hugged. "You're a cool kid, Martin. I saved the kisses for you."

"I don't feel like a kid," I said, feeling his erection as we both watched my hand on him.

"You know what I mean, Martin. Quit being difficult," Augie said, opening the door for me.

I watched him until he closed the door behind me. I didn't want to leave them but they had their own fish to fry and I didn't want to get in the way. I felt pretty good walking back to the house, especially when I saw the smoke drifting up over the trees just before I turned down beside the house. Greg's father turned and smiled just as I was about to leap down onto the patio.

*****

The rest of the morning went by without incident. Greg's mother left just after noon as we packed the blue Ford full of laundry and the perishables. Greg played with Ike on the lower field. Timmy disappeared for awhile until we were almost ready to leave. The three of us crawled up in the back of the truck as Greg and his father took the front seats. My mind was on a million things I'd learned that weekend. I watched the rustic features of the mountain as we headed back to civilization.

Doug's leg pressed into mine and brought me out of my trance. His head was tilted back as he leaned on some pillows. His socked feet hung out from the quilt he used to cover himself. The sun had never come out and it was still cool. Timmy had disappeared completely and it was when I noticed the whites of Doug's pale blue eyes that I realized Timmy was at it again. I didn't know for how long.

Doug's toes were curling and the small groans were obvious when I listened. I lifted the corner of the comforter and Timmy's mouth was two thirds of the way down on Doug's ample shaft. He was naked below the waist except for the socks. My own cock hardened instantly. I felt Doug's thigh and he looked at me like it was already too late for him. I went back to Timmy as he got down to business in a big way. Doug's thighs tightened and his hips were activated as he moaned and breathed deep. Timmy didn't seek to prolong the act and progressed to maximum overdrive as he made a valiant effort to swallow Doug whole.

Doug's hands stayed on the outside of the quilt and held the lump that was on his crotch. He looked at me helplessly as he gasped short quick gasps before closing his eyes and sighing one long grand slow sigh. The activity slowed to a stop and the lump stayed still at last. I watched Doug as he fell asleep on his pillows and no one would have guessed he'd just blown a load down Timmy's throat.

I didn't have to guess.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 26

Kent

I retired to a neutral corner once we had unloaded the truck. Doug stopped me before I got out of the driveway and said he'd meet me there after school Monday. It gave me something to think about on my walk home. My parents wanted to know what kind of a time I had and I said it was great. We ran out of things to say after that. We never had much to say one another but I wasn't hoping for much and anything that wasn't a complaint was a victory. We had come to talk less and less as I grew older.

I had a particularly good day Monday. For some reason I felt good all day. I thought it was the weekend and Van and Augie. They were the most real people I'd ever met. There were no games with either of them. Basically they were always pointed in the same direction. I wanted to know people who I could depend on. Van took my address and phone number and said he'd call if I didn't show up by summer. He gave me his card and said I could call if I needed to talk. It was good to have but I didn't think I'd call him.

I was sitting by the pillars at the end of the lane at the corner of their lawn when Doug came gliding up the road. He was carrying three books and a gray notebook. He ran them in the house and came back to me. I didn't go because I didn't want to chance running into Greg. Doug thought that was a good idea. I should lay low for awhile until he forgot about what had pissed him off. It wasn't just for me because he had to live with Greg and the longer he dwelled on some detail the more difficult it was.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Herbie's. Kent's."

"Who are we going to see?"

"We're going to see Kent but Herbie is probably there. Usually is this time of day."

"I wanted to tell you how much fun I had this weekend."

"I'm glad. You should have told my mom. She asked about you."

"Your parents are tops," I said.

"My parents? They're okay."

"Mine don't know I'm alive except when I'm screwing something up."

"Get real, Martin. Why do you say stuff like that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because it's true."

"Parents are parents. No one thinks their's are all that great or all that bad. They're just parents. What do you want?"

"Your parents are the best. You got winners, Doug. Take my word for it."

"If you say. They seem like they take care of what needs taken care of."

"They care about you. Hell, they cared about me and Timmy and even Augie when he showed up. You got good ones Doug."

"What's wrong with yours?"

"I don't know. They don't like me. I'm always in the way. I eat too much."

"Come on! You! Get real Martin. You ain't much bigger 'an a minute."

"I just never do anything right. I mostly avoid them, stay in my room when I can't be outside. I never knew any parents like yours."

"I'll take your word for it. I'm sure mine aren't all that good and yours aren't all that bad."

We walked along the shoulder as cars passed us every once in awhile. Doug didn't have anything to say and I really wasn't all that keen on being around Herbie. I liked him in one way but not in another. I didn't care how much sex he had, so it wasn't that but something me uncomfortable and I didn't want to be alone with him. Kent was different and there was nothing about him that made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to stay Doug's friend and I didn't feel very good about that either. I wanted to be with him and I knew he would do just fine without me around. Doug could get along anywhere.

"I enjoyed this weekend," I said.

"You aren't going to start talking about my parents again?"

"No, that's not what I was trying to say to you before."

"I don't know how we got on your parents."

"Now who doesn't listen?"

Doug looked at me with those smooth blue eyes. He didn't say anything. We just walked and he kept looking at me. I wanted to kiss him, throw him down in the ditch and make out with him, feel his body, his skin, his cock. He'd probably have let me but I liked him too much to do something like that. It didn't seem like there was any ground for us to stand on together. I was starting to feel the distance between us as we walked together and I knew no matter what I did or said there were two things in my way. Doug's acceptance of the first thing was bad enough but the first thing stopped me dead.

"What we did, what you did....I didn't tell you how great it was. I mean being with you was great."

"When you weren't with Augie or Timmy," he said.

"I wasn't with them all that often," I explained as our pace quickened.

"More than with me. You took off first thing every morning. You took off after we... you were gone all afternoon Saturday and then again Sunday."

"Doug, take my word for it. I spent the best time with you. Why can't I say I like you without you arguing about it?"

"Wasn't arguing."

"Yes, you were. I've never had sex like that with anyone. It wasn't like anything I've ever done. I mean we were doing it together."

"Martin, it's jerking off when you aren't doing it together."

"You know what I mean."

"I think so. Do we have to talk about this?"

Doug still looked at me in glances. It seemed like there was something he couldn't be sure of and he kept looking to see. That's about all we had to say to each other about our love making that weekend. I just never knew how to say what was in my heart and then I'd get sidetracked and forget what I wanted to say. With Doug that was easy because looking at him was enough to turn my mind upside down. Being with him because he wanted to be with me was the best.

I thought about Augie and how nice it would be to live near him. He was obviously older and wiser and liked being sexual, but he liked girls. I liked girls but I didn't want to bed them. Augie did. I never heard anything about that part of it. The only understanding I had was that if you didn't like girls you were queer, bedding them that is. I never heard you could like and bed girls and still like guys and bed them. It was all very confusing. Now I'd seen Greg putting on his shows in front of us, but I didn't take anything Greg did too seriously. Augie was nothing like Greg and whatever he was like put more confusion inside my brain.

Van was another trip. On the same weekend I'd met parents that were friends and an adult that treated kids like they were adults. Van didn't seem to draw any line between where we were and where he was. We could talk to him and say what was on our minds and the amazing thing is he considered it. He was a gigantic man, in more ways than one, but he didn't use his size and power to browbeat a bunch of boys. In fact we forced him to expose himself so we could inspect him. Now with another man it wouldn't have been nearly as important, but there were a lot of reasons why we needed to inspect Van. His tolerance for it had me wondering why. He seemed real. He seemed honest. He also got hard as soon as we touched him, although he protested the exposure first.

I couldn't find a way to separate like, love and sexuality. I wasn't interested in having sex with Van. He was a man. I was interested in having sex with Augie, he was a man, but barely older than Greg who was very much a boy. Augie was willing to go wherever life took him. There were too many people with too many appetites and with too many different ideas about what was fair and what was foul.

Life was all vanilla until the spring when I turned sixteen. I'd from time to time dipped into the chocolate for excitement, and suddenly life was Rocky Road, nuts, marshmallows, flavors galore and no one never even mentioned it. Was it no wonder I wanted everyone all the time? I went from nothing to this and my mind refused to settle on one thing or one flavor. For the first time in my life I wasn't alone all the time and I'd never go back.

That's not to say if Greg had acted differently, my mind would have settled on him and for him above and beyond all others. If he'd looked back over his shoulder that first day, if he had stopped, turning around, and come back to me to hold my hand, it would have been different between us. If he'd put his arm on my shoulder and said we were cool, it would have left no doubt. My mind would have been made up even before I knew anything.

There is nothing I found out or that Alfie didn't already know that would have prevented Greg from being kind to me that first day. He knew I was staring at his ass and my dick was stiff as a brick while I was doing it but he used that to torment me rather than to accept me, giving me a chance to know him. Our chance had passed because he wanted to play a game. It was unfortunate that my heart was filled with so much love and he would not accept a single drop.

We swung into Dorchester Estates and we walked along the right curb. The houses were all similar for the first two blocks. This is where the air force brats lived. Further back the houses sat on larger lots and took different forms but the first houses were all identical except for small changes usually made by the owner once he'd taken possession. We turned right on the second block and were soon at Kent's door.

He was wearing brown cords and a baby blue button up shirt. He smiled nicely and invited us in. We sat in the big living room while Kent brought out big glasses of ice and a bottle of Root Beer and a bottle of cola. He was a man after my heart. It was Hires not A&W but some things can be forgiven. He sat in the easy chair that faced us sitting on the couch.

"How was the river?"

"Good," Doug said.

"Great," I said, feeling it had been understated.

"You liked it? Did the king rule?"

"No," Doug said. "He didn't bother us."

"I miss skinny dipping in the river," Kent said.

"Come with us next time," Doug said.

"No, Greg wouldn't like that."

"Fuck Greg," Doug said. "Come with us. It's been a year. He won't say anything. I'll get mom to pick you up. She asks about you all the time."

"I should stop by to see her. She was always so nice," Kent mused. "You going next time."

"No," I said. "Greg's being difficult."

"The king rules," Kent said.

"Indeed," Doug said.

Kent's eyebrows almost touched in the middle. They shined and were smooth and tightly shaped. They matched the short curly brown hair on his head. The blue eyes were almost gray. His eyes smiled and his lips were thin but shaped so delicately that they seemed more like a girls lips. I could see Herbie in him but he was heavier than was his older brother and he wasn't quite as tall. He seemed relaxed and without any complexity I could find. It was easy being there.

"What do you like?" Kent asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You into sports, girls, school? You a traveler? A wanderer?"

"Not really," I said to all of it.

"You?"

"Sports, I like soccer. I'm pretty good."

"He's great," Doug said.

"Girls? I hold my own," Kent said.

"You attract them like flies on shit," Doug said.

"I'll try to avoid your imagery," Kent said coyly.

"I hold my own in school."

"He gets A's and never cracks a book," Doug said.

"That's untrue. I'm reading the current edition of Playboy as we speak. Great articles."

"Doing a book report on it?" Doug asked.

"Maybe for biology class," Kent said. "I learn more from the Playboy."

"There's something you don't know yet?" Doug asked.

"I've been to England, Germany, Italy, Greece, France, Germany again, and I want to go to Russia. I love traveling. Can't wait to get out of this hole. Nothing like cooling out in the stix to make you appreciate the world."

"You going communist?" Doug asked.

"I have a socialists heart. The working class is the backbone of the world."

"Isn't that communism?" Doug asked.

"No. Not exactly. Communism is more about control, military power."

Doug had turned fifteen shortly before I turned sixteen. Kent hadn't quite made fifteen but would turn before the summer was out. He made both Doug and I look like elementary school kids. He was smooth and self-assured. Not only was he intelligent but it was a natural quality and not at all forced. He believed in what he said before he said it and rarely argued a point. He could give you the facts and it was then up to you, to either agree with him and the proper answer, or to find another less correct one you did like. If I had liked Kent before I liked him even more after the first thirty minutes during that visit.

"I would say I'm a wanderer," I said.

"Where have you been?" Kent asked.

"Florida a couple of times. I went to Chicago when I was too little to remember. I was born in Memphis. I don't remember it."

"Ah, you're Egyptian," Kent said, not sounding at all serious.

"Memphis, Tennessee. I'm American," I objected.

"I'm English, you know," Kent said with a heavy accent. "I have dual-citizenship. My old man makes sure I keep it just in case. I was born on the air base there."

"Cool," I said. "I've never know a Brit."

"What about the Playboy," Doug said.

"Douglas, my man. You starting to mature at last?" Kent said.

"No, but I've got to get out on the road if I don't want to walk all the way back home. We should get you two situated first."

"I've been waiting for someone to suggest it," he said.

Kent smiled, placing the heel of his right hand down into his lap and pushing down with it like I did when I was pushing my erection down in my pants. I stared at the front of his corduroy pants for the evidence that was suddenly important to me. My mind was immediately on his smooth complexion and his tight well shaped lips.

When he stood it was down the leg of his pants but the leg tented out some ways down. His hand went to it as he walked and I saw him squeeze it once before he was moving away from me. He didn't seem particularly concerned if I was watching or not. He moved purposely and didn't seem to have anything sinister on his mind. I couldn't say the same for me and I followed close behind watching the way the back of his cords bubbled out. I used the hell of my hand to keep things under control.

We lay on the bed with Kent and the Playboy in the middle. Kent's leg, the one with the bulge, crossed over mine at the knee. He turned the pages and we all stared into the pages. He explained the articles as we passed over them a page at a time. He gave his slant and the magazines as we moved on to the next naked lady. Once again I realized it was the boys and not the girls that peaked my interest. I was far more interested in what Kent had in his pants than what was in the book.

Each time we got to a new model, Kent would wiggle the front of his pants into the mattress under him. I knew what he was doing. I did it all the time. I'd never thought that other boys did the same things. Knowing he was doing it with boys on either side of him made me sweat. I leaned up on my left elbow slightly facing his body with mine and during one of his wiggles his thigh ended up pressed against my own stimulation. It stayed in place once the wiggling had stopped. I let my hand rest on the back of his leg.

"Hey, you two, enjoy! I got to go," Doug said, leaping up.

"Your mothers still a half an hour up the road," Kent growled.

"Yeah, well, she might be early."

Doug was gone in a minute.

"Herbie," Kent said.

"Herbie?"

"He's going to see Herbie. He's entertaining in the rec room."

Kent leaped up making no attempt to hide the bulge. He turned on a television set that sat up on a bookshelf in the corner of the room. The basement rec room was on the screen. A boy I didn't recognize sat at the corner of the couch and Herbie was lying down, knees bent, and the other boys arm was up between Herbie's legs.

Herbie was wearing only his boxers and the other boy was fully clothed. He had on a leather coat with chains on one shoulder, jeans, and big motorcycle boots. His fly was open and he was fondling himself and Herbie at the same time he looked into the screen of the invisible television.

"You wired the rec room?"

"Sure. Makes for entertainment when there isn't any."

"Does Herbie know you watch him?"

"I guess he can figure it out. He's seen the hookup. He helped me focus the camera."

"You watch your own brother?"

"He's cool. It's not him I'm watching usually. I don't know this guy. He brings them back from the bowling alley, The El Rancho, wherever he finds them."

There was a knock at the door and Herbie's head turned slightly, "I'm busy. If it's an emergency, dial 911."

"It's Doug."

"Told you," Kent said as the biker boy leaped up, tucking himself away as Herbie turned off the couch and opened the door.

"I'm going," motorcycle boy said.

"Later! You know where I live."

"Yeah, what time you home?"

"This time most days," Herbie said as Doug came into the camera and the new boy left.

"What are you up to?" Doug asked.

"Giving a kid a cheap thrill is all," Herbie said, popping his bone out of his boxers as he hugged up close to Doug.

"I've only got fifteen minutes," Doug said.

"Fine," Herbie said, feeling the front of Doug pants. "You came armed. That a pickle in your pocket or is your dick hard."

"Come on, I got to go, Herbie."

It took a couple of flips of the belt and a snap and Doug's pants and underwear were down to his knees. His dick looked even fatter than I remembered as they felt one another. Herbie stooped, turning Doug around and his face disappeared into his crack. Doug leaned deeper and deeper until he was at a forty-five degree angle with his hands on his knees. Herbie stood up and his dick looked a foot long on TV. He eased it into the crack and in no time at all he was leaning over Doug's back with his arms around him from behind. They just stood there like that, Herbie flush against Doug's ass and my mouth watering and my dick was twitching big time. Kent turned it off.

"That's more than we should have seen. Doug doesn't know about the camera yet. It's pretty new."

"I've seen 'em doing it before."

"Herbie and Doug?"

"Yeah, at Doug's."

"Oh, cool. I don't feel so bad. I got to get out of these pants. My dicks going to break if I don't."

Kent had hair on his lower legs. They looked long and delicate and that belied the design of the muscles in his thigh. He kept his back to me for the most part, but he bent and moved enough to give me pleasant view. Then the boxers dipped as he bent, and there was this fine line of fur leading to his shinny bronze hole. I could see his low hangers between his legs and I could even make out the pole that caused the tenting in his pants. I won't mention my shallowness of breath and suddenly banging heart.

I was rendered even more helpless once he turned to pull up the skintight cutoffs he pulled off the floor of his closet. He yanked at them deliberately as his cock stood straight out of the tight thick brown patch in the split of that baby blue shirt. It was formidable, far thicker than Herbie's and yet nearly as long by my quick calculations. I even forgot about where Herbie was hiding his sausage at that very moment.

"Fucking Herbie's skinny ass. I used to get into his pants with no hassle."

The pole stood up across the left pocket as the tale of his shirt got hung up in the tiny wasted pants. The muscular thighs pressed hard at the leg holes that had been unevenly cut. Kent immediately surveyed my eyes and smiled at what must have been been an expression of admiration for the new boy.

"Don't tell me, now, you got to go?"

"No," I said.

"Good. I like you. What do you want to do?"

His leg crossed over mine as we lay on the bed. He bounced up and down on his butt. I didn't mind the leg. I worshipped its cut and length and I let my right hand come to rest just above the knee. The skin was warm and felt unusually smooth. Kent had no pours. The skin was pulled tight and shinned through it's pinkish on white hue. I looked at how it crossed a few inches below what was now a precipitous bulge that I refused to hide.

"Playboy always does that to me," Kent said, not specifying exactly what but I thought we were discussing my dick.

"Yeah," I said, trying not to reveal my fluttering heart and brain.

My insides had fallen out of my chest and my heart was suddenly the size of a four lane highway. I was tuned in to Kent in a big way. It was different again. It was way different than with Greg. It was nothing like the brotherly feel I had for Doug. It was similar to the animal magnetism of Augie but this time I was older, and it was certainly nothing like wanting to feel Van the man, although I was feeling Kent's thigh without knowing how not to feel his thigh. I had felt so little during my entire life, I wasn't sure if there were any new things left to feel, and then I met someone like Kent. He was easy and relaxed and he had me feeling comfortable in one of the most awkward situations I'd known.

His delicate fingers touched the back of my hand. I was lost in the feel of his thigh. His fingers didn't stop until they were on top of my fingers and then they were our fingers all tangled and twisted in an awkward linkage. It took my mind off the well cut thigh and the bulge in his cutoffs. It took my mind away from the idea of diving down into his crotch. His touch ignited yet another more subtly powerful feeling I'd never once had before while being touched by some hot stud that oozed sexuality and the need to explore it.

"I'm going to have a party this weekend. I'm asked Doug on account his mom thinks I'm the second coming. And you I think. I want you to come if you can. We'll have plenty of booze, so plan on staying over if you can. Want to come?"

"Yes," I gushed, and we were both looking at how we held hands.

"I like you, Martin. I liked you the first time I saw you," Kent said to my eyes.

"Me too," I said.

"No you didn't. I saw the way you looked at me. Everyone looks at me that way. Oh, Herbie's brother, sex fiend. It's obvious. Everyone knows about Herbie. They think they know about me, but they don't. Yeah, I like sex every much as bit as he does, but to me it matters who I'm having sex with. To me I've got to be into the person or it doesn't mean anything, and if it doesn't mean anything, why the hell do it? Don't you agree?"

"Ah, I, ah... think so."

"It's okay. Doug said you didn't know much."

"That's a real recommendation," I objected as I found his thigh under my hand again.

"No, Doug would never say anything hurtful. Doug and I, well, we just know each other. We're like brothers from a distance. When he said, you got to meet Martin cause he's absolutely what you like, I knew you would be."

"He said that," I said.

"Yeah, I said that. You two quit talking about me behind my back," Doug said.

"How's Herbert?" Kent asked.

"Herbert? What are you talking about?" Doug said.

"The smile. You have a glow on. You been with my brother," Kent observed.

"Damn you, Kent. So what? I said hello."

"I bet you did. You never say hello to me like that anymore."

"We agreed about that," Doug said.

"Yeah, but you're still the best one."

"I know," Doug said casually. "You'll just have to make do."

"You are," I said honestly. "You are absolutely the best one."

I could see the hitch in Doug's throat as he stared down at Kent and I holding hands and how my free hand was freely sliding on Kent's flesh, moving higher and higher as they both watched.

"This weekend," Kent said.

"Yeah, Martin coming?"

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away," I said.

"Yeah, I got to go. The old lady'll be coming along soon."

"I'm going too," I said.

I started to roll over top of Kent and toward Doug but Kent caught my arms and stopped me as we came face to face. His steely eyes were intense and focused on mine. We didn't say anything. I was sure he wasn't going to kiss me but I knew it crossed his mind. It sure as hell crossed mine.

"I like you. Please come this weekend. I promise you won't regret it."

"I'll be here. Nothing will keep me away."

It took until then for me to realize my erection and his erection were rubbing together because of where I'd put myself. He held me until I pulled away, taking all the time I could to let my cock stay in contact with his. He watched until I was gone out of his door and we were quickly on the street moving toward Old Highway.

"He's neat," Doug said.

"God, he's gorgeous," I said.

"I've got to tell him, you know."

"I was hoping you would. I've never met anyone that intense."

"Kent's different. There's nothing he won't do or try. He likes certain people, but not many. He told me the first time he saw you, I want to get to know him. He's something else."

"He said that?"

"Martin, shut up," Doug objected, charging toward the highway in a sudden gallop.

I laughed to myself. What was his hurry? If she'd already passed, she was gone, and if she hadn't, we had plenty of time. I just didn't get his hurry, and then the blue car suddenly slammed on its breaks and slid to the shoulder of the road as Doug was at that instant emerging around the pillar that announced Dorchester Estates. Doug turned back in a sweeping arm motion for me to come ahead.

I ran up thinking what an idiot I always was. We'd have been walking back if it were left up to me.

"Hi, Martin. Missed you yesterday afternoon. Had sandwiches all ready for you boy."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to get home. Homework!"

"Oh," she said, not believing that one for a second.

"I wanted to tell you what a great time I had. I mean all of it. Greg's father is the best. Even Ike's great. You got a great family."

"Well, thank you, Martin," she said delighted. "The Mr. said he was quite fond of you. You aren't so convinced about life as most of the boys. He thought you have considerable promise. He sees how you'd be good for Gregory."

"I don't think Greg thinks that much of me," I said, soulfully coming back to the reality of my words.

"That's because he's so impressed with himself Martin. He doesn't know good people from bad people, only those he can control. He can't control you because you are a thoughtful young man. It threatens him, but we like it. Don't let him run you off. You are invited to come along this weekend if you like."

"I sort of had other plans. I think my parents wouldn't want me away so soon."

"Of course not, but you are always welcome. We spend much of our time there during the summer. We always like good company. You remember that. I don't want to keep asking you," she said firmly.

"Yes, ma'am," I said only smiling a little more inside myself than I was smiling on the outside.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 27

Futures Past

The week dragged by more slowly than usual. I waited until Thursday, after talking to Doug before I asked my parents for a weekend pass. Once again I was shocked by their easy submission. I'd never given them any cause to doubt my honesty, always telling them everything I knew they'd find out. My secrets were things that had little to do with parents and their child. If they were trustworthy and capable of accepting me as I was there would be no secrets, but I was to be cast in their image and there was no argument there. So whenever our mutual interests diverged, I merely kept it to myself and nodded a lot. Why ask for trouble when you aren't prepared to confront it?

Should they find out I was about to embark on a weekend with two military brats of dubious character and questionable habits, not to mention the absence of adult supervision, well, the word no comes to mind. That leads me to the teenage credo, what you don't know ain't gonna hurt you. I had now successfully arranged to escape my house on three separate occasions and for two consecutive weekend sojourns that were all rooted in my quest for sexual knowledge.

On Thursday night, after getting my parents permission to break free of them for the weekend, I was summoned to the phone. I was sure it was Doug, and I sequestered myself in a safe corner to talk.

"Hey, handsome. How's it hangin'?" I said once I was sure my parents were otherwise occupied. "To tell you the truth it hangs so low I bruised both of my knees this week while thinking about you," the voice answered. "Kent!" I squealed, catching myself in mid yelp. "The one and only. You think I'm handsome, huh?" "No! I thought you were Doug." "Oh, he's handsome but how could you think I was he, and what does that then make me? Gorgeous?" "You talked to him."

"We tell each other everything," Kent said. "So you better careful about what you consent to do." "Everything? You'll tell him everything we do?" "Everything. He says you're pretty wild once you get your motor warmed up." "Jesus," I said. "I do have to be careful." "Yes," Kent answered. "I didn't start it," I said, feeling myself blush. "I will if you won't," he said. "Can you come." "Yeah. I just asked. It's cool. They think I'm going to the mountains again." "Cool. Look, I just wanted to hear your voice sexy. I was afraid you wouldn't come. I had to check. I have something to look forward to now." "Me too. I can't wait to see you," I confessed. "Thanks," he said sounding pleased.

Friday was the worst. Luckily the day finally started moving about lunchtime. Once I was on my way home I started to feel the freedom washing in my veins. I stopped at the bowling alley for a root beer and fries after dropping my books off at the house. I didn't want too show up too early. I was surprised to see Herbie and Tommy seated at a table talking over sodas in the far corner.

I pretended I didn't see them and I sat by the alleys and watched three spastic girls trying to figure out how to score the game. Each knew some detail she'd heard from someone who knew someone that once bowled. All together they didn't know squat. I went over and kept score for a few frames to show them how clever I was and to sell the idea I didn't see Herbie and Tommy. It wasn't much of a challenge. I had no trouble adding the twos and threes to the zeros.

I slipped out the side door as soon as I could escape the drooling teeny-boppers. I wondered if I would have been attracted to one of them if I were straight? They mostly looked like boys with too much hair on their heads not to mention too much hardware on their teeth. One had a substantial chest but I was sure it wasn't from lifting weights.

I knew I checked boys out pretty thoroughly by this time but I hadn't felt the slightest urge to check one of the girls out. It just never occurred to me until after I had left the bowling alley. I wasn't entirely sure how it worked. How do people "choose" whom they are attracted to. You either are or you aren't and I wasn't. I figured straight boys would have been hanging all over them if they had gotten the chance.

It was a short hop to Kent's. He was wearing navy blue cords and a light blue button up short sleeve shirt. His eyes sparkled when he answered the door. We made immediate eye contact and he smiled pleasantly before opening the door wide enough for me to gain entry. Before sitting down h went to get glasses filled with ice and he placed them and the root beer on the coffee table in front of the couch where we both sat. I was half turned toward him with my knee on the cushion. He mirrored my position on his end of the couch.

Kent looked much older than he was. Perhaps older isn't the word. He looked and seemed very mature. He carried himself with confidence and a poise that most of the kids I knew didn't have. We spent the first ten minutes sipping and staring. It was awesome. I tingled from head to toe just being that close to him. I had never felt anything quite like it before.

"How was your week?" He asked. "Slow," I said. We laughed. "I hate school too. Boring," he said. "I thought about you a lot." "Oh, good thoughts I hope." "I have a difficult time believing your Herbie's brother." "Yes, I have trouble with that myself." "How is it you're so different? I mean he's so..., so..., so Herbie." "In actuality we aren't so... different." "Bet me. Herbie's got a one track mind and it's a freight train once he gets going."

"Herbie talks these days and I don't. That's the biggest difference. He's seventeen going on fourteen and I'm fourteen going on forty. It's always been that way. He might never grow up." "Get real. He doesn't think about anything but sex. I saw him with Tommy a little while ago." "They're down stairs. Want to watch. The cupboard in the hall has a sliding panel in the back that opens into the rec room. My dad's little eye in the sky, or if you want to just see it on television, we can retire to the bedroom." "Tommy's straight. He's always calling Timmy queer. He's an asshole," I said. "The best defense is a good offense. Timmy hasn't told you? Ah, loyalty! That's what love will do for you."

"Told me what?" "It's not for me to say. I'm not here to set things straight for everyone." "Why do I suddenly feel like I'm a fifth wheel?" "I'm sorry. You aren't in on all the inside info yet. Only the king knows everything and each of his subjects has a piece of the puzzle, just one piece. Tommy's one of us, Martin. He's over here as much as his brother and Timmy's brother. You met them the first time you were here. They're at the experimental stage of adolescents."

"Aren't they a little young?" I asked, being sure they were when considering Herbie was almost eighteen. "Haven't you heard? Herbie's the pied piper." "What's that supposed to mean," I asked. "He can't say no. Once he says yes they won't leave him alone. He is good at what he does and there's something about him that people find irresistible." "What about Doug. Why does he let Herbie do that to him?" "Why does he let you do that to him?" "Herbie doesn't care about him," I said.

"Herbie loves him. Doug loves Herbie. You don't know Martin. Don't judge other people. You can't. My brother is fine. Doug is fine." "I'm sorry. I don't understand. I like Herbie." "Don't run your mouth about things you aren't able to understand. I'll let you ask questions. I'll try to explain as best I can but how do I know where horny ends and love starts? I'm just a kid."

"I have a feeling you were never a kid," I said. "It all started in Germany. It got out of hand there anyway." "What's that mean?" I asked. "We all had a hand in creating Herbie. He isn't anybody really. Not the way most people become somebody. Herbie is just what people want him to be. He was homely, slow in school, shy, not very good with people, and he had the perfect brother, Moi. He used to sleep under my bed, you know? I laughed at him the first few times he slept there. Me and my friends made fun of him all the time. Boys are particularly cruel to each other in Germany. You think that's how Hitler got his start, huh? But then one must ask, was he the laugher or did the kids laugh at him?"

"You're so nice. How could you be cruel to your brother?" I asked. "I was a kid, Martin. I was the chosen one. The sun rose and set on me. All the disappointments in Herbie were reborn in me. He didn't walk until he was almost three. I was already walking when he took his first step. He was five before he ever talked, or maybe he just didn't have anything to say until he was five. It's difficult to know what goes on inside his head. I know he's smart, you know. Not in a conventional way." "Smart?" "Like Algebra. I'm no good with math. I was sitting one day with this list of problems. Pulling my hair out, you know. After a half an hour or so he strolls over to my desk and marks the answers down to all the problems." "He had the same teacher once?" "No. He solve them in his head. Some people aren't wired the same as the rest of us."

"What was the trick?" "The trick was he knew the answers." "How?" "That wasn't the question. Math was the question and he knew the answers. He didn't know how he knew. He just knew. Wired different. I know how to go about getting the proper answer, I just don't get it." "So how did he get the right answers?" "He didn't get them, Martin. He knew them." "How did he know them?" "It's not important. He knew. That's important." "I don't know. I think you've got to know how you get the answer. That's the point of learning math." "If you know the answer you don't need to know how to get the answer." "I s'pose." "Herbie does fine now. He gets along with everyone. He's happy and I'm happy for him. He found something he's good at. Some thing people like about him. How bad can that be?" "Sex," I said.

"Precisely. He's without inhibition when it comes to sex." "How can sex make that much difference? It just frustrates me. I want it with everyone, but then I don't want it when I get the chance." "He doesn't attach significance to it. It's something everybody does and if they don't, they want to. To Herbie it's a biological response to a stimulus." "Tell me about it," I said. "He treats everyone like they want to." "How could he do that?" "Well, like I said, we were in Germany. You'd better fill your glass up. This is the long version. You do have the weekend." "I'm yours until Sunday night," I said. "Okay! Here's how I turned my brother into a sex god with a little help from my friends and other boys that happened to be around at the time?" "Shoot," I said, reaching for the root beer.

"I was eleven, hard charging toward twelve, and I hung with Fritz. We used to go to the swimming pool Friday nights. You swim nude and Fritz loved it. He never admitted it but I could tell. He'd just turned twelve. I guess I loved it too. There were always old guys, fourteen, fifteen, eighteen year olds hanging out. Old to us back then. We were just old enough for the big pool. Well, I had to lie to get in with the big boys, and so we were the youngest and we didn't miss anything the big boys had or did.

"One night these two guys were horsing around. Fritz and I hung on the wall nearby to watch them. They were like wrestling. There were fifty kids in the pool and these were just two acting like idiots. No one else paid attention for all the yelling and splashing going on. They kept grabbing each other from behind, picking each other up. We knew where their dicks were going each time one wrestled the other out of the water. We'd seen it before but we still enjoyed watching big naked boys getting excited."

"You and Fritz fool around?" I asked. "We had explored each other like most kids. You know, touchy feely stuff." "I never did. I thought about doing it. Never did. Should have." "It was no big deal. Doctors! Anyway, this black kid swims over. He's twelve. The other two are maybe thirteen and fourteen. One's obviously older, has muscles and a real body with extra hair where it counts. It was the young one that kept it going. The black kid stayed floating next to them. He stared right at where one guy's dick is pressed up against the other boy's butt. It's obvious to us he's looking at the same thing we're looking at.

"All at once while lifting the older boy up the younger boy tosses him on top of the black kid. Then he starts splashing them and all three of them are splashing each other and laughing like ten year olds do. It was all pretty routine until the black kid gets behind the younger boy and lifts him up with a jerk and his dick is pressing against his behind, only his dick is big, black, hard, and easy to see.

"He like plants it in the guy's crack and hauls him up on it and then puts him down and lifts him up on it again. The boy reaches his hand back and he's feeling it. I'm thinking he's got to be worrying about it getting loose up there. The older boy is splashing them and mesmerized by the boldness of the black boy.

"They took turns wrestling with the black boy. Fritz and I floated closer and closer to them. The older boy said something about us watching and the younger boy swam right over to me. He leaned to whisper something in my ear and his hand felt my dick. I was shocked that someone I didn't know was feeling it. It excited me. I think that was the first time I was really excited.

"He whispered again. He wanted me to touch him. I did." "He felt your dick?" I asked. "You were only eleven." "Yeah, and he was surprised too. I'd started to grow that year. I wasn't as big as he was but I was as big as his friend." "You knew about Herbie's dick?" "You could say that. He started growing when he was eleven. It grew and grew and grew. Once the lights went out I would feel it. That's when we started sleeping together. It was better than knowing he was under my bed. Then we had a reason not to sleep under my bed." "Like the troll," I envisioned. "Like my brother, Martin. I felt sorry for him. I love my brother. I'd do anything for him. He caught enough hell from my old man. I couldn't be cruel to him any longer." "That's good." "Well, maybe I should be rewarded for being good. Why not move over here?"

He'd unbuttoned his shirt and I put my hand on his warm stomach after sliding up beside him. He looped his arm over my shoulder and squeezed me to him. We were hugging each other right in the middle of his living room.

"I was way ahead of all the kids my age. I'm not bragging. I've always blazed the way. I was ahead of my time. I don't think I was ever a kid, not really. Maybe because of Herbie. I was always his big brother." "He seems normal to me," I said while feeling his chest. "Lower will make me talk faster. I don't have much of a chest yet. I've got quite a pecker if you're into that sort of thing." "I don't even know you," I said as I fought off a blush. "Isn't that why you're staying with me? May as well cut to the chase, Martin. I don't know how to ease up to it."

My fingers slid down off his stomach and across his zipper. I felt the bulging. His legs opened wide.

"I blazed a lot of trails in Germany. Herbie was just one example of curiosity satisfied. Once I saw he was growing down there my interest increased. I was feeling it every night. I had a ruler and measured it a lot." "What did He think?" "I don't know. He doesn't say much about thinking. He smiled a lot. We held each other at night. He liked it. We got close for the first time. I liked being close to him." "What did your parents think?" "The old man never comes in our room. He yells if he wants us. When I was ten Herbie started sleeping in my lower bunk. He'd always slept up top except when he started sleeping under my bed. I hated that. He cried some nights. Usually after my old man called him a retard or slapped him around for fucking something up." "Your mother?" "I hardly remember her. She died. Cancer!" "Who raised you?" "My father. He's gone a lot. We had a nanny in England. By the time we were in Germany it was up to me to keep Herbie out of trouble. It got to be more fun once he started going through puberty." "So what happened at the pool?" "After awhile Fritz has got to go home. My old man's flying so I get to do what I want. I know Herbie's home with his new Playboy." "He was into Playboy at Twelve?" I asked.

"He'd turned thirteen. Yeah, he's always liked pictures." "I bet." "I walked Fritz into the dressing room and we said goodbye after he dressed. I'm anxious to get back thinking I can get involved with that one boy. When I started back toward the pool, here they come, so I join them as they passed. The black boy is between the two German boys. They stop at a locker and get a towel. The black boy's still hard and they take turns feeling it.

"When he sees me watching he says, "I'm Jacque, this is Freddie and Herman." "I'm Kent," I said, offering him my hand but Freddie guides my hand onto Jacque's dick. It was smooth and the skin was so soft but his dick was like steel. It was way different from Herbie's, not just because it was black either. It didn't hurt the excitement any having two older boys watching me.

"Freddie decided I'd felt Jacque for long enough. He wanted me to feel him. It seems I'd gone beyond Herbie and Fritz at last and I found a new excitement for my sprouting boyhood. I went from Freddie to Herman and back to Jacque before someone decided we should shower. They had stalls like in bathrooms. The shower was at the back of the stall.

"It all changed once the door was locked. Jacque ended up with a dick in each hand. Mine wasn't one unfortunately. I was perfectly happy with all the touchy feely shit but I wasn't prepared for the escalation. Jacque turned to kneel in front of Herman.

"Freddie and I stared as Jacque's pink tongue flicking and flicking at the tip of Herman's pink pole. Then, without warning, his lips were in the wiry black cock hair. Freddie put is arm over my shoulder and moved me down until my face was even with his crotch. I right away noticed this intense smell coming from him. I let my face rub against it as he felt my face and stared at Jacque's lips longingly. I knew what he wanted but I hadn't gotten there yet.

"Damn! Freddie blurted out as Herman backed up against the door while Jacque devoured him. He was panting and bucking, using the door for support. Freddie moved away from me and squatted behind Jacque, humping his back as he reached around him for his dick. Herman was squeaking and blowing big air as he fought with Jacque's lips.

"Unexpectedly, Jacque spit out Herman in favor of Freddie's thicker, longer version. He didn't have as much luck swallowing him, taking maybe two thirds of it in the first attempt and that stretched his mouth wide the way Herman's couldn't. Both of Freddie's knees bent seriously then as Jacque shoved his hand up on his ass to keep him propped up. The fingers poked and probed the tender pink hole.

"Herman complained about being deserted. Freddie rocked back and forth while trying to feed Jacque more dick. He starts moaning and gasping and a tacky liquid was leaking out of him as Jacque spit him out, turning back to Herman. In only a minute Herman's knees gave out and his ass slid down the door with Jacque glued on him until he ended up seated in front of the door. Herman's eyes were closed and his mouth was wide open as he sucked air in a big way.

"Freddie got up and went into the shower. It's like we aren't there any more for him. I watched him soap up his youthful body. Herman stands up and unlocks the door and left. Jacque licked his lips and smiled at me. His dick is shinning and the tip is drenched in the sticky film Herbie had started yielding up during our nighttime play.

"I reached for it as he was watching Freddie. He was even stiffer and more exciting than the first time I touched him. It pulsed as I felt the entire thing. He encouraging me to do more but I still wasn't sure. He kept pushing it at my face. I turned my head so it never touched my lips. I decided to kiss it like I kissed Herbie's while he read his Playboy. Some of the film was on my lips and I got another strong smell of sex.

"Freddie was watching us while he soaped up. It was then that Jacque got into the shower stall behind him. He's taller by two or three inches but his dick is perfectly situated to rest against Freddie's ass. He reached around to take over the soaping of his dick. His hand and fingers are moving slow over the front of the boy. While he's massaging Freddie's dick, his dick finds its way firmly in the white crack.

"He bends his knees so he can slid it up the groove. Jacque soaped himself up while Freddie leans back against him and is feeling the swollen black boy dick. Freddie's older by some but his little boy body can't compare with Jacque's shinny lean body. Even at twelve Jacque is more mature and he obviously knows more about what his body can do.

"There was something about black on white that made the action easy to follow. Each boy soaped up the other boy's dick. His black digits probed between the white legs. He seemed alarmed when he was bent forward. I could see the black digits probing the white butt. The contrast of skin color was amazing to see. Freddie spit out words in a short sentence. His words were sharp and unsure. Jacque spoke in soothing tones as he continued this new operation. It sounded like he said he wasn't going to hurt him. He sure wasn't stopping. Whatever he said it wasn't long before the fingers were inside the smaller boy. He seemed to be working up to something.

"I watched as Jacque was massage soap into Freddie's stiff dick with one hand while easing the second finger of the other hand up his butthole. Freddie seemed tentative. His body was tense as he leaned back against Jacque and he recoiled just slightly once the second finger slipped through.

"Then Jacque's pink tongue was in Freddie's ear as both of his hands went onto his waist. Jacque pulled him down on his tip, easing it up inside him until his ebony ball sac hung directly under Freddie's pink crack. They leaned against one another and stood there like that for what seemed like forever. There was no sign of any protest. I'd never seen anything like it.

"There were a hundred different expressions on Freddie's face and they changed by the second. The hand starts slowly working his dick while using it to slide him back and forth on the dick. Jacque put his arms around Freddie's chest and held him against his body. The smaller boy trembled and spoke a few soft pleasant words. Jacque answered in the same sweet tone. I don't remember what they said, but it was neat to hear.

"Freddie's eyes were closed as Jacque nibbled on his neck while pumping his dick. The moves became more deliberate until he was humping him at a good clip. He's still holding him up by his chest. It took another minute for them to seem like they were totally devoted to this new activity. That long black dong became a blur about this time.

"It was then that Herman slipped back in through the door we had never locked. He stopped dead as soon as he saw what Jacque was doing to his friend. He was fully dressed now and looked fifteen or sixteen at least. Herman went back to spitting out German words. He didn't seem all that happy. Freddie answered him in the same tone. I couldn't pick much of it up.

"Jacque laughed between gasps but it didn't slow him down and he was still in high gear. To me it sounded like Herman said, if you had told me you wanted to get fucked I'd have fucked you. Freddie turned his head to look at Herman while Jacque rocked him with firm thrusts. I realized there was something going on between them. I couldn't sure if it was jealousy or anger but I'd have bet on jealousy.

"It was quite amazing by this time. Freddie leaned forward and put his hands on his knees as Jacque went at it and the next thing I know Herman is ripping off his clothes. He goes to Jacque and pulls him out of the shower and he gets in. His dick looks absolutely angry, but I didn't get long to look. He rammed it up Freddie's ass like a battering ram and never looked back. He just went right to high gear and gave it to him really hard. It took him all of a minute to finish the angry fuck. Freddie just stood for it.

"Herman yanked on his clothes, spitting out more angry German words. In another minute he was gone. Jacque had replaced him. Freddie and him were going at it, picking up where they had left off without any difficulty. I felt a bit sorry for Herman. His friend didn't seem to care how angry he got. I thought there was a lot more going on between them than I had thought.

"It didn't take long. They looked like a couple of dogs I'd seen fucking on the lawn once. Jacque's hips jerked rapidly as he reached between Freddie's legs to bring him along with him. Their bodies were fused tightly as the slapping grew louder. All the sounds grew louder as they both seemed to be concentrating for all they were worth, and then Jacque leaned back and eased himself out. His dick immediately drooped down between his weakened legs. It was over."

"You still get wired when you think about it," I said.

"Yeah, it was the first time I saw sex. What Herbie and I did was kids play. I'd just learned all the moves at once. Now I'm all bound up thinking about this."

Kent stood and flipped open his belt and pants. They stropped to the floor. He stepped out of them and maneuvering himself in his boxers before he dropped back down on the couch. My mouth had gone dry as I looked at his thin shapely legs and how one leg in particular forced his boxers to bulge.

"I hate that," he said, reaching to put me under his arm again. "Where was I?" He put his hand on where the leg of his boxers puffed out and he squeezed in a way that outlined his erection and dickhead.

"The black boy just shot his load in the white boys butt," I reminded him.

"Yeah, here, let me have your hand. You can keep track of the story if you hold onto my barometer."

I put out my hand and Kent took my wrist extending it through the opening in his boxers. The first thing I felt was his wiry bush. I felt the solid warm flesh after that. I let my fingers touch the shaft lightly as his legs spread wide. I slipped my hand down until I could wrap my fingers around him. He watched where my hand disappeared. I squeezed gently and nestling my head back against his shoulder.

"You got nice hands," Kent said after I felt it for awhile.

"You got good dick," I said.

"You want we should go get comfortable. Herbie's entertaining Tommy downstairs. They might come up to the kitchen but never in the bedroom. Tommy needs to watch porn."

"What about the party?"

"Oh, Doug called. He's decided to go to the mountains."

"I talked to him last night. He didn't say anything to me."

"Yeah, well, he told me to tell you."

"What about the rest of your friends?" I asked.

"I forgot to ask anyone else. The one I wanted to come is here," he said. "I'm afraid we'll have to make our own party."

"Cool," I said, following him into his bedroom.

"So how does Herbie fit into this swimming pool deal you're telling me about?"

We settled onto the bed and I snuggled up close to him.

"Well, Jacque came out and stood in front of me. I felt his soft dick. I peeled the skin back and checked the head and how the skin worked. He asked if I had ever seen one that big. I told them Herbie's was way big. He asked how big and I told him over nine inches. Both him and Freddie are laughing about it. I tell them they can come over and see for themselves. They want to take me up on it. Especially Freddie seems interested.

"I tell them no one is home but Herbie and they are even more anxious to meet him under those circumstances. Herman protests when Freddie tells him where he's going. He ended up coming along anyway."

"Herman loved Freddie," I said.

"Maybe. Didn't much matter to me then. Herman was a drag and Jacques and Freddie were totally cool."

"They went home with you?"

"You hungry?" Kent asked. "I'm feeling funny about this. Let's get something to eat."

"I had fries at El Rancho," I said.

"Yeah, come on. I said I wasn't going to let this happen. Sometimes I can't stop myself."

He climbed out of the bed and out of my reach, buttoning up his shirt before he turned around. He walked to the door and acted like he was waiting for me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's not you Martin. It's me. I keep saying I'm not going to do this and then I do it. I'm a kid. What can I say? I want immediate gratification whenever its hard."

"What position? I wasn't doing anything I didn't want to do. I asked to hear the story."

"I want to get to know you. Right off I'm getting you to feel my dick. It's not how I wanted it to go. I pictured we would sit and talk and learn stuff about each other."

"Sure," I said, following back toward the kitchen.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 28

Primary Scale

I followed Kent back through the house, paying particular attention to his long smooth legs. I'd have spent more time watching his ass, only his shirttail now obscured it. I'd only spent a few minutes alone with him and I was already confused. I didn't mind holding his dick if holding his dick gave him pleasure. It certainly gave me pleasure. It's not the first thing I usually did when I found myself alone with a new friend, but it didn't worry me any. Kent was the kind of boy who could inspire most gay guys to give up their left nut to hold his dick, so it wasn't a big problem nor a small matter.

Regardless of how attracted I was to Kent, I wanted to get to know him as completely as possible. I didn't care where we started because there was the feeling that this time it just might go further than my other random meetings and feeble attempts at establishing a solid relationship with another boy. I wasn't so much afraid of Kent.

The worst that could happen would be him telling me to get lost. I'd survived Greg telling me to get lost on numerous occasions. I'd survived Doug telling me to get lost in his subtle way. I'd gotten lost from Augie because we lived in different worlds and he was way old for me, but Kent, Kent wasn't too much or too little of anything. He was there. He wanted me there with him and the rest would be up to us.

I watched carefully while he popped some Hot Pockets and Jeno's Pizza Bites in the microwave oven, moving around the kitchen like it was no big deal. There were new glasses and more ice. He got the root beer from the living room. I was waiting for guidance but he remained quiet. I wanted to see what came next because I wasn't sure. Kent didn't seem sure. I took his cue and tried to practice patience, a virtue that was little known to me then.

The steam rose out of the Hot Pocket when he bit into it. He smiled and nodded as he chewed gingerly, mouth open, letting the heat out between each individual and distinct chew. There was definitely a smile amongst all the other animations his face was going through while he attempted to consume the cylindrical object.

"That's good stuff," he managed to say. "Eat up. You've got to keep your strength up. Plenty more where that came from."

I moved the Hot Pocket around my plate, examining the instant food I never got at home.

"What brought us out here? I was fine," I said, looking up from the pristine meal. "I'm fine no matter what we do."

"I'm hungry. Got to keep up my strength," he smiled, keep his mouth open to vent what was left of the excess steam. "Good shit, huh?"

"Yeah," I said, moving it with my finger and wondering how he could enjoy anything that looked like that.

"Herbie used to sleep with me after mom died, you know. Back then, I thought, how nice. He does love me. Pop was always comparing him to me. You know, why can't you be more like your little sainted brother kind of stuff."

"Bummer," I said. "Your old man's a jerk."

"There you go again, Martin. You don't know my father. I bet you thought Herbie was a jerk before I told you what I told you. After you get to know me, you'll probably think I'm a jerk. You'll never make any friends if you get so far ahead of yourself all the time.

He only looked at the remains of the Hot Pocket while he spoke. He spoke to the filling and examined it with first his eyes and then his fingers. He pulled some strange looking object out and popped it into his mouth before he looked up at me smiling.

"He had tried to comfort me, explain it, you know, why mom never came home again from the hospital where we weren't allowed on account we were kids. Now I think maybe he was the one that needed me to comfort him. That gave him a reason to be close to another human being. I'd never seen either of my parents touch him. Dad was always angry with Herbie. He was such a disappointment to my old man. He was so happy to get such an exceptional son after getting a lemon the first time."

"I still say your father's a jerk. Herbie couldn't help how he was. Your old man just made it worse," I said. "Yeah, I did think weird stuff about Herbie, but I always liked him. I'm not ever going to like your father."

"You were wrong about Herbie. He's just whatever people want him to be. He finally found a way to be acceptable. You are right about my old man. You'll never like him but he doesn't care either. He has the power. He's a pilot. He doesn't need our approval. Men respect him. Men follow him."

"He needed to give your brother a break."

"We showered together until he was ten. After that he made a point of showering when I wasn't around. It's about the time he started sleeping under my bed. I don't remember what that was about. I did feel him distancing from me. I was lonely after that."

"Why'd he do that? The under the bed thing?"

"I might be a shrink one day but I've got a feeling there isn't any answer that you and I might understand, or a shrink. Herbie's got a place he goes. No one can find him there. No one can go there but him."

"Where is it?"

"In his head. I figured it out while dad was beating him one day. He'd screwed something up, didn't do something he was told to do, did something he was told not to do. I don't know. You can pick one of the above. Dad didn't need much of a reason to start in on him.

"Herbie must have felt terrible."

"I guess. It's the way it was. We didn't know any better. He's the only father we ever had. We had nanny's after mom died. They never beat us, just dad got to do that. You're a lot like me. I noticed that right off. I like that."

"How so?"

"It's all deep to you. You look it all over. Everything, not just the difficult stuff, but the simple stuff. Especially the simple stuff. You want to know what it is, why it is. I can see your mind working right now. Don't try to figure Herbie or me out. You can't do it. It's an impossibility. We are what we are. Victims of our environment. It's all good now. Everything has worked out fine."

"He beat you?"

"Once in awhile. Nothing like Herbie. Every day. That boy caught some shit. It was all a long time ago."

"Bummer."

"Do you like music?"

"Yeah!" I said, feeling good about the new direction of our conversation.

"Rap?"

"No!" I sighed, knowing it was the wrong answer because of how he asked the question.

"Why?"

"Why? I don't know. I like getting into music. I like feeling it from the inside out. I like relating to it from inside it, feel the beat, follow along with the different instruments each time or the lyrics."

"Rap?"

"You can't get inside. It pushes you away. It forces you out of its way. I don't know how to explain it. I like being inside and you can't get inside Rap. There is no inside."

"See! Most guys would say, I don't know why. I knew you would know. I knew you would have thought about it. I hate it. It's not music."

I sighed again. At least I didn't give the wrong answer. He was hard to pin down. He was good at doing and saying the unexpected.

"Classics?"

"Classics what?"

"How do you stand on the classics?"

"Never get much of chance to hear them except in school. It's all big band or country at my house. I listen to rock in my room. I don't know I could slip any long hair in on them," I said. "They like the routine."

"What do you know?"

"Dum dum da dum."

"I figured Bach or Mahler. I like the Waltzes myself. Something wonderful about them. The way they once danced to them."

"I always go see the Nutcracker at Christmas."

"Ballet?"

"Only once as a ballet. I didn't like it. No, I didn't understand it. I guess it was cool. Lots of leaping and jumping around. I'd get yelled at if I acted like that."

"In Europe you can't avoid it. It's incredible how much culture there is over there. The music, the dances, the history is so incredible. I loved Paris, Rome, Venice. My god they are incredible."

"You're really passionate about traveling to those places. I went to Chicago once. I was five. It was a funeral. I don't remember much except our car spun around on the ice. It was winter," I said.

"I'm passionate about everything I like, Martin," he said.

"That's cool," I said.

"I like you, Martin."

"I like you too."

"Come on," he said. "Bring your food and your drink."

I took my chances and popped the Jeno's Pizza Bite in my mouth and carried the glass of soda and the Hot Pocket with me. Kent opened a door and I followed him into another room. Over in front of the window was a piano. It was an upright and looked old. Kent went over and sat on the bench. He patted his hand on the space beside him. I carried my lunch with me and sat down.

Immediately he was banging out some hard tones on the yellowed keys. He more hammered the keys than played them but it sounded familiar. I wasn't sure where I'd heard it. It went on for several minutes before he put his hands in his lap.

"What was that?" He questioned me.

"I don't know. I've heard it before. I don't know where."

"The Sting," he said. "The movie. You ever see that?"

"Oh, yeah. That's the soundtrack."

"Well, it was actually Scott Joplin's, The Entertainer."

"He was an entertainer?" I asked.

"The music is called that. He was a piano player back when."

That's when he started playing the first notes from Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. It's probably the only piece of classical music I could name but soon he was playing one tune and then another. They all sounded familiar."

"You're good," I said during a long, delicate piece I learned later was Claire de Lune, by the French composer Claude Debussy.

Kent told me that parts of the music he was playing were all parts of rock songs, and that's where I'd probably heard them. Go figure, rock stars were stealing from the old masters. I liked that. Sort of connected us all together in some strange way.

The piano went silent after awhile as we sat looking at each other. It's funny how loud silence can get.

"You are good," I said softly. "I wish I could play."

"I'll teach you," he said. "It's easy."

"For you maybe. I've got a brain that won't stand for me to think while I'm sitting still."

"Yes, that's my curse. Everything's easy for me. I get bored with things."

"Bored? I wish things were easy for me. Everything is hard."

"You're lucky," he said.

"How's that?"

"You need to work at it. When you accomplish something you feel good about it, right?"

"I guess so. I don't accomplish much. My parents think I'm a lost cause."

"I don't believe that. You just don't know how to see your accomplishments. When things are too easy you lose interest. Of course I have a built in reminder of what it's like when you never get credit for doing anything right."

"Herbie?" I said.

"See, I knew you were smart."

"No, I know what it's like," I confessed.

"You have a brother that's always catching hell?" Kent asked.

"No, that's my job?"

Kent moved his hands from the keys of the piano and gave me a long sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry," he said after awhile. "I think sometimes I'd rather be getting the beating or the humiliation than watch Herbie take it. I don't know how he can stand being treated that way. I wonder if one day he might just disappear or like go off with an AK-something or other. You know, like guys at school do."

"Is it that bad?" I asked.

"If you can't escape it. I think it might be. I get the good stuff but I had to watch him catch it for a long time. "

"You ever say anything?" I asked.

"I'm a confirmed coward. Herbie's my brother but Pop's my father."

"Not much a kid can do against a parent. They got all the power," I said.

"Who's going to believe me against the Colonel?"

"Yeah, bummer. You were telling me about those kids you met. You took them home to meet Herbie?"

"Yeah, I did. I was all jazzed about them. Herbie was a natural progression and a way I could keep their interest a little longer. I didn't have a clue what would happen."

"Was it bad?"

"I'm sure some people would think so. For me it was the most exciting thing ever."

"The bench is hard," I said.

"Yeah, tell me about it. Living room or bedroom?"

"I'll follow you anywhere," I said.

"What about another Hot Pocket?" He asked.

"Have you ever heard of real food?" I asked.

"Real food? Real food? That's gourmet food. You know what these things cost. I went three years without a Hot Pocket the last time we were in Europe. I'm making up for lost time."

"It's all plastic and cardboard."

"You certainly don't know anything about fine dining, Martin."

"Maybe not, but I know plastic when I taste it. Besides, there was enough salt in that thing to qualify as hazardous material."

"Oh, man, you know how to hurt a guy. What do you eat?"

"Chili, spaghetti, stews, casseroles. I like the one dish concept except I want food in it."

"What a novel idea. They aren't that bad," he protested.

"Yeah they are. I bet there's no food value at all in those pizza rounds." "El Rancho? Later on if you want. We can go to the grocery and I'll fix something."

"You cook?"

"I learned from my father."

"Your father cooks?" He seemed amazed by the concept.

"My mother's a princess. She works."

"Your father cooks?" He asked. "Guys don't cook. He a sissy."

"Well, guys cook if they want to eat real food."

"We'll go to the grocery down on Allentown Road. I haven't had spaghetti in awhile. I like spaghetti. You cook? Really?"

"Do you have anything here? Garlic, Italian seasons, tomato sauce."

"We got four kinds of Hot Pockets. And two kinds of pizza. Can you work that into something."

"Yeah, right. I've got a few bucks. We'll work it out."

"The old man left us some dough for food. We mostly eat out."

"When you aren't eating Hot Pockets."

"Exactly."

"Finish telling me the story and then we'll go to the grocery."

We ended up back in his room. He pulled up the pillows so we could lie back. After we got comfortable he casually put his arm over my shoulder.

"Where was I?"

"You told them about Herbie."

"Yeah. Jacque and Freddie wanted to meet him. I took them straight home. Herbie was right where I knew he would be. He had all his centerfolds out on the bed and he would look at one and than another. You know, holding them up and examining them. He looked over his shoulder when we came in. He was surprised to see me with older boys.

"This is Jacque and Freddie, I told him. He scooted up and stuck out his hand. I told them this was Herbie. They're both like staring at how his boxers are all poked out."

"Look at that," Jacque said, pointing at the poking.

"Damn," Freddie said. "He wasn't lying."

"Can we look?" Jacque asked.

"Should I?" Herbie asked me. "You said we shouldn't?"

"Yeah, I told them about you. They want to see it."

"Really," he said. "You told them?"

"He wasn't lying, Jacque said, easing his boxers down to his knees. They both stood there staring at him. It looked as big as I'd ever seen it. Looking at those pictures always got him going. Jacque touched it first. Herbie just watched his fingers feeling up and down. Freddie took his balls and was feeling them."

"What did Herbie say?"

"His usual. Nothing. No expression on his face. He did take an interest in the hands. They were both feeling on him. That's when Jacque kneeled in front of him and started jerking him off."

Herbie said, "...but you said. You told them about it?"

"It's okay. They're cool. They won't do anything you don't like. I unfastened my pants and put Herbie's hand on me so he'd know I was involved. About the time he got his hand on me, Jacque put it in his mouth. Herbie's hand jerked on me. His eyes closed tight and the muscles all tensed up. Jacque slipped his mouth off him and stared up at him. He said, you got a great dick."

"I do?" Herbie asked.

"You do," Freddie said, using some of Jacque's saliva to slip his hand up and down the shaft while Herbie's knees were bending.

"I'd never seen Herbie's dick turn so dark. It was usually fairly pale unless he was looking at the magazines and then the tip would turn. His hips started moving out to meet their hands. It was better than the swimming pool."

"Herbie liked it?"

"He was in heaven. He didn't say anything, but I could see it on his face. Both of those boys wanted him and no one but me had ever wanted him before. Freddie slipped around behind him to sit on the bed, pushing his pants to his knees before he sat down. His cock stood up out of his dark pubes. The skin was completely off the head and it shined and sticky stuff was all around the retreating skin.

"I sat beside him because I had to feel it. It was more wonderful than before. The slimy stuff made it easy to get him worked up to my hand. Jacque swallowed half of Herbie's dick while Freddie played in Herbie's crack. The muscles in Herbie's body all tensed as we all felt on him. He started making some uncomfortable sounds, like he was struggling to stay in control.

"Herbie was rocking back and forth, we felt him, Jacque sucked him. Herbie gasped once and his body shook. Jacque sat back smiling with the thick semen on his lips. We watched a long flow of it dripping down to the floor and then more let go as we watched.

"Herbie lost his balance, falling backward right on to Freddie's lap. Freddie held him up long enough to guide his ass down on his own throbbing dick."

"Herbie said, I'm sorry. Freddie was trying to fuck him as he spoke. Jacque smiled and said, you did just fine."

"What did you think?" I asked.

"Not much to think. I'd seen the clear stuff coming out of him for months while I played with it. I'd never seen him sperm but I'd just seen what I'd seen at the pool. It wasn't a surprise to see Herbie react to Jacque's mouth the same as the other boys.

"While we're telling him how neat he is Freddie's still trying to get his dick up Herbie's butt. Herbie's all happy about making us happy. That's all he cared about, I guess. Then Herbie rolled on his side when he feels Freddie breaking through. He's trying to get it all up in there before Herbie can figure out he doesn't want it up there, but no objection.

"I tell him he doesn't have to do anything else if he had enough. He said he was just fine. Freddie was really fine. When Jacque stood next to the bed, Herbie reached out to rub the front of his pants. Jacque unzipped them so Herbie could reach inside. They became engaged with Herbie's hand job immediately.

I reached around Freddie to feel for Herbie's dick. I had no trouble finding it. He was still on a bone. The tip was all wet and so I used that to help him out. Freddie was humping away while Jacque leaned in toward us. The next thing I know Jacque's got his dick out and is sperming all over Herbie's chest and my arm."

"Freddie's going at it pretty heavy about that time. Him and Herbie reach the end of the line at about the same time. I end up with a puddle in my hand as Herbie's having a fine old time as far as I could tell.

"What are you thinking of?"

"Oh, sorry. I was remembering how pure it was. The pleasure. No guilt or head trips. Just boys satisfying their urges."

"Yeah, sounds like you had quite a bit of fun."

"You ever wonder why sex becomes so complicated?"

"Jesus, Kent, I don't even know why sex is so damn hard to get. I mean I really want to be having sex but something or someone always blocks the way."

"Yeah, that's it. Nothing blocked our way. Not my brother, not two guys I didn't even know, and not the warnings not to. It's a little amazing when I think back. I wish it could stay that simple. I wish all we had to do was like each other and enjoy that to the max.

"That would be cool," I said.

"You can't though. It's got to get complicated because people want it to be complicated. They wrap a lot of silly shit around a biological urge but it's still about feeling good no matter what you attach to it. I certainly feel better when I like the person. But I feel just fine even I hardly know them."

"You know a lot more than I do."

"You're older than I am," he said, still not quite back to me.

"That doesn't mean I know as much and it certainly doesn't mean I've done as much. If you put all the things I've done together before I met Greg, it don't add up to zero," I said.

"Don't sell yourself short. You live in Tinytown and us military types have come to liberate you. I raised myself. Mother died on me and Pop was never around. I raised Herbie because he couldn't raise himself. If I hadn't taken care of things the old man would have beat him to death before this. I was forced to grow up. It wasn't my idea.

"It did change big time after the day I brought those boys over. I could see Herbie changing, become more self-confident. He had a big dick and older guys like younger guys with big dicks. The more they liked Herbie the more he liked himself."

"Did it changed things between you two? Where was Doug at this time?"

"Did it ever! Doug was in on some of that early stuff. We were together in England but then Herbie and I went to Germany. Greg and Doug showed back up about the time I turned twelve. Then we all ended up here a few months apart."

"How did things change with you and Herbie?"

"Herbie started waking me up at night. I used to bug them shit out of him. He'd always ask, you finished yet? I mean he didn't mind me playing with it but he never said it. Then, he's wanting it every night once he found out the basics."

"What did you do?"

"You want all the details, don't you? I bet you peek into windows."

"Only if there's something worth seeing. You said you wanted to get to know each other. Not much to know about me. What happened after that?"

"That Sunday night after everyone was gone, he woke me up trying to get his up my butt."

"What happened?"

He's already got a few inches in. I grabbed it before he could put any more in. He stopped pushing, but he didn't take it out. He knew it scared me because it woke me up, so he let it set there awhile."

"What happened?"

"Shit! My dick was so hard. I never had a bone like that, ever. I could feel him pushing it deeper. Next thing I know I'm trying to get it all inside me. He's playing with mine while he's pushing. It felt good once I got past being scared. Then he's huffing and puffing and my dick starts pumping out that sticky stuff."

"You came?"

"No, no, that was still a little ways off. I was getting there though. He went at it for about five minutes until he came. We just lay there and I fell back to sleep."

"What did you think of that?"

"Hell of a way to wake up. It felt pretty good after that first time."

"Anything else?"

"Yep, then he wanted me to blow him. That started the next day when we got home from school. He wasn't all that keen on doing the blowing but getting blown, he was all for that."

"Did you?"

"Fuckin' A. Why not? He's my brother. It was hot. I'd try to keep him going some nights. Some nights he'd wear out quick and some nights we never did sleep. That's the way it is when you're a kid. We didn't know we needed any rest."

"It's never been that way for me," I said, rolling closer to him and putting my hand up under his shirt.

"Want to go get the stuff for spaghetti?" Kent asked.

"What's wrong?" I said.

"Let's do what we got to do before we start up. We won't need to stop that way. We can do just what you want after that."

"Cool," I said. "Can we just hug for awhile before we go to the store? I need to hold onto you for awhile. Just so I know you're really here."

I felt the warmth of his body even through his shirt. It was great. I loved feeling his arms around me. I loved feeling him in my arms. In spite of his maturity and experience I felt as though Kent needed the hug more than I did. Even though he seemed light years ahead of where I was, there was a vulnerability he couldn't hide from me. I understood.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 29

Spaghetti O

We walked the mile and a half to the store with the brick facade and huge windows surrounding it. It was once a DGS that had become one of those old mom and pop jobbies. They all went bankrupt as the A&P's moved in across the street, only the A&P hadn't gotten out to our neck of the woods yet, and this store hung on out of place and out of time in the modern world.

Kent had fifty dollars that had been left to get them through the weekend. I told him I could feed my whole family on that for a week. He just smiled and made me put my few dollars away once we got to the cash register.

"You cook. I'll pay," he said, pushing the fifty onto the counter for the old man to examine before wondering what the two of us were doing with it.

I examined his thin body as we shopped. I wondered how he could stay that thin on his all sugar diet. We ended up with two bags of food. I can't for the life of me figure out how we ended up with so much food, but after the tomato sauce, pasta, and hamburger, we ended up with Twinkies, Oreos, and a half gallon of chocolate milk. They were added when I sent him after oregano and an onion. I went to look for the garlic powder on my own so we didn't end up with another ton of junk food. Now I knew why they needed fifty dollars.

We strolled along the shoulder of Old Highway and I envisioned a baby blue Galaxy screeching to a halt, but of course that Ford was a hundred miles away parked in front of a mountain hideaway. I pictured Doug and a path along the edge of a river and I blushed when I remembered us getting caught there.

"My old man lived in nineteen foster homes. He joined the Air Force when he was seventeen."

"Nineteen!"

"Yeah! His mother gave him up when he was four. No one wanted to adopt him. He was hell on wheels from what I hear. Always in a world of shit."

"Why'd she give him up?"

"Records were sealed. He doesn't really know. He tried to find her once but no luck. Everything was sealed."

"Bummer," I said.

"He didn't know anything about raising kids, you know. He knows he fucked up with Herbie. He said he couldn't help it. He was so damn angry because Herbie was so weak. He knew he couldn't make it in this world. The world he knew was a lot tougher than the one Herbie and I know, you know," Kent said.

"It must have seemed like a cruel lonely world to him," I said.

"Exactly. My old man thought he was trying to make Herbie strong; instead he was gutting him. Taking away anything he had but he didn't know anything about anything. He tormented Herbie until he retreated into his own world. It only pissed off my old man even more. I came along and he had learned a lot from what happened with Herbie. He wasn't as hard on me but he didn't have to be. I was the perfect son. I always felt guilty."

"How so?"

"He always caught the shit and I never did. Dad couldn't help himself. He was always comparing us, always wanting Herbie to be more like me. Of course he couldn't be more like anyone but Herbie. So my old man isn't a bad guy either. He isn't a jerk. He was a bad parent because he had no parents and bad parents. Not much to go on."

"Bummer," I said.

"He leaves everything up to me when he goes away, gives me the money, that kind of thing."

"He doesn't trust Herbie?"

"No, he's convinced if he let Herbie buy the food we'd end up eating nothing but Twinkies and Oreos."

"But that's what you bought," I said, remembering his bag full of sugar and spice.

"I told you Herbie and I aren't that different. My old man only thinks I got sense. He doesn't know I'm crazy. He'd freak if he knew some of stuff I did in Germany."

"Sex stuff?" I asked.

"Yeah, naturally. There wasn't anything else out of the ordinary I got into. I'm a pretty good kid except for wanting sex so much. I don't know that's bad. It's just the way I am."

"Tell me some of what you did," I said, not having to fake my interest.

"You know, I've never known anyone who asked so many questions. I don't know a damn thing about you. I've confessed my entire fucked-up life to you."

"You haven't either. You told me about meeting some guys at a swimming pool," I said. "You were just lucky."

"Yeah, but that was the first time anything happened that got my entire attention quick. I screwed the wife of one of Pop's friends," he blurted.

"You what?"

"I had sex with a woman my old man knew. In fact she was Fritz's Aunt Brenda. I met Fritz at a party at his aunt's house. Her husband worked at the air base with my old man."

"So what happened?"

"Do you have a condom?" Kent asked.

"Yeah, in my wallet. It's been in there awhile. I wouldn't trust it. It's for show."

"Can I have it?"

"What?"

"Can I have the condom in your wallet? It's a simple yes or no question."

"Why?"

"That's not yes or no. You've asked enough questions for one night. If you want me to tell you the story about Brenda I need a condom and your promise of cooperation."

"I s'pose. I'll need to put the bag down."

"No, I'll put mine down. Is it in your back pocket?"

"Yeah," I said, baffled by this request.

We stood on the side of the road near the only street lamp on that section of road. Kent fished my wallet out of my pants while feeling my butt. He removed the foil package and replaced my wallet back where he got it, feeling my ass carefully even after the wallet was securely back in place.

"Now, here's the deal. You want to know about me fucking Brenda. I want to know a little something about you, right? You want to play along with me or should we just call it off before you get in over your head?"

"We aren't calling anything off," I said, looking at the way he was holding the condom between his thumb and forefinger like he was about to remove it from the foil.

"Good! Now, I'm going to put this condom on you."

"What? Were in the middle of the fucking road."

"You want to play or not? There's no fun in hiding to do stuff. Where's your adventurous spirit?"

"Sure," I said, still unsure about what the game was but liking the sound of what I was hearing. He wanted to touch my dick.

"Okay, I'm going to put this on you. Then I'm going to tell you about how I happened to end up fucking Brenda. Once we get down to the bridge, I figure that's about half way to my house, we're going to stop and you're going to carefully remove the condom from your cock and you're going to put it on mine. That's the game."

"Okay," I said, feeling faint and getting hard as I thought about his words.

Kent kneeled in front of me as I looked around to see if any cars were coming. We'd only seen two on the way down. He first rubbed the front of my pants and placed his face on my erection, rubbing my thighs I stood there.

"I see you like the game. I can feel it throbbing through your pants. I'd blow you right here but we're not in any hurry. I want to feel it now. I want to touch your cock. I want to kiss it. I want to blow you for sure but that will come later. I want you to know that will come later. My mouth is watering, Martin. You got a hot cock, you know."

His words took my breath away. He carefully unzipped my pants and felt inside until his fingers encircled my dick and then he removed it. I felt his fingers feeling me gently. He kissed the shaft and the head. I felt his lips on the head and I was sure he was using his tongue on me. I was ready to pop a load off right there on the side of Old Highway.

"You're okay. You got a thick one, huh? That's nice, Martin."

"I guess," I said in a gasp.

"Don't worry. I won't take advantage of you. I'm not going to let you cum too soon. We're going to make it last all weekend. Can't get to the best part too soon."

"Someone might come," I said.

"Oh shut up. A job worth doing is worth doing right. I just want to feel it a minute. You felt mine. The skin is so soft. You take care of it."

I pictured his long slender piano playing fingers feeling me as his lips brushed the tender skin each time he spoke. I was as hot as a cheap pistol and he took his time opening the foil. I felt him licking the head of my aching dick.

"Don't panic. I'm just making it easier to slip this on," he explained as his lips closed over the head as he sucked. "A little spit does wonders."

"Okay, but you're going to get a mouthful in about ten seconds" I said, trying to keep my composure.

Once he finished easing the condom on me, he stood up while holding my dick. He was very close to me and I was hot enough without feeling the heat coming off him. We stared at each other for awhile before he tucked me away only after a car's headlights shined on us. He picked up his bag and watched my face as the car passed us.

"How does it feel?" He asked in a low sexy voice.

"I'm still shaking," I said. "You don't know how close you had me."

"Oh yes I did. What are you shaking about? "

"You touching me. I'm still a bit new at this stuff. When someone I really like touches me, well, it doesn't take much. I don't get much and I'm thinking about it all the time now."

"Shit, I'm glad I stopped," he said. "We don't want to mess up the game. I want to keep it going. Tell me when you get too close and we'll stop for awhile. All weekend I mean. I want it to be the best weekend of your life."

"What do we do?" I asked.

"We walk and I tell you about me and Brenda. Once I'm done, we'll gauge just how much you liked the story. We'll see if I can get you dripping for it."

"I already am, just thinking about you touching me. I was juicing before you ever put it away."

"That's what I want to hear. She was in her thirties but she was still a babe and a half. All the older boys wanted her. She was divorcing her husband. I was maybe twelve and a half, back then. It was almost a year after the incident at the pool. Fritz had started staying over her house on weekends to use her pool. She didn't like being alone. One weekend Fritz asked me to come along and we could swim and just lounge around. She always encouraged him to bring his friends. I don't know if I was the first one she came onto or not.

"Fritz was a mischief maker. I'd grown fast and furious and he liked playing with my cock more than ever. While we were in the pool, he kept at it until he had me on a hard that wouldn't quit. He knew I'd have to get off for it to go down and I'm wearing a pair of red Speedo's and there's no place to hide. When she calls us for sandwiches, she's noticed my erection as soon as I come out of the pool. I was embarrassed getting on a bone in front of a grown woman like that. I tried to hide it from her eyes, but you've seen it; there was no way.  Every chance Fritz got, he was feeling on it to make sure it stayed stiff. She saw a couple of times when he was squeezing it. I just pretended she didn't and I wasn't.

"There was a little cabana near the pool where I'd gotten into my trunks when I first got there. Fritz had his own room and dressed there. We'd eaten and Brenda sent him to clean up his room and make the bed before we went out to the movies. I said I'd get dressed and catch up with him. Once I went into the cabana to dress Brenda came in. I was naked and in the middle of drying off.

"I see you found the towel," she said. "Let me get your back for you."

"I was holding the towel in front of my erection but she took it from me, going around behind me to wipe off my back. I just stood there as she moved the towel around until I felt her fingers in the crack of my ass, all the way down to my a'hole she felt me. My dick was throbbing like crazy and I was so dizzy I could hardly stand up. Then she turned me around to face her. She was maybe two or three inches taller but I was growing fast.

"Let me get your front," she said. "You're a big boy, Kent. A very big boy for your age."

"Of course she was looking at my erection when she said it. I knew we were going to do it as soon as she walked in on me. I was pretty excited when her fingers started feeling me. Her fingers touched the tip ever so gently before she let them ease down my shaft as she wrapped them around it."

"You like that, don't you?" She asked real soft like.

"Yes, ma'am," I said. I didn't know what I was saying.

"Brenda," she said.

"She had on this two piece swim suit and she dropped the bottoms to the floor and stepped out of them. She placed my dick head on the hair on her crotch. I was petrified and excited and ready for anything she wanted to give me. She just held me there and she purred like a damn cat."

"Purred?" I asked.

"Swear to god! Sounded like a big ole tabby-cat purring. She wiggles my cock head around the opening, making sure I could feel her velvet spot.

"You're bigger than most of the men I've been with," she said as she uses my dick to pull me closer, easing the head into her cunt.

"I said thanks, like some kind of a dope. I didn't know if I should shit or go blind, you know. I never told anyone about this stuff before. I guess you think I'm a sex maniac," he said sadly. "Doug knows some of it."

"No! It wasn't your idea anyway," I said, certain it was her idea.

"I could have said stop. She would have. Shit, her nephew's like twenty feet away. She knows my old man. Truth is, I didn't want her to stop. I was in heaven. Being with the guys was fun but it was nothing like being with a woman. A real women who wanted me. I always thought of myself as a kid until that night. She even tells me, I'm the best fuck she ever had. That made it all worth while, you know. If it wasn't so damn worthwhile before then."

"What happened?" I asked.

"She's moving closer to me and holding me in that place so I'm moving deeper as she moves. It was awesome, Martin. Once she got me all the way in, she eases me down on the Chaise lounge chair and straddled me, holding my balls so I can't slip away from her. She partially stood up and then sat back down on it. I watch my dick disappearing and reappearing. She wasn't all that big and it made me look huge the way I was spreading her wide open as it went into her.

"I lasted all of a minute once I saw that. I met her sit down with my thrust up. I rammed it hard and I started shooting off like the fourth of July. She just smiled and let me do it as hard as I wanted. We had very good timing, you know. The next thing I know I can hardly get my breath and cum is oozing down the insides of her legs. She's half standing and half sitting. She eased off me then and it made a slapping sound when it hits my stomach."

"You were still hard?" I asked.

"As a rock," he said. "She used the towel and held it up while she wiped it down for me. She felt my balls and my thighs and kissed it all over, my balls, and the tip before she went back to put on her bottoms. "He'll be down any minute. Better get dressed," she said. "You're very good you know. We'll do it again once he's in bed if you want but we should keep it just between us."

"Wow!" I said. "If I want? Sure, Brenda. I won't say a thing."

His voice had grown soft and there was a weird lilt to the words as he remembered something that turned him on big time. We didn't speak for the next few minutes.

"Time for me to wear it," he finally said.

"We aren't to the bridge," I protested.

"That's all I'm telling you until you change us out. I need you to touch it bad. My shorts are getting wet telling you about this. I shoulduh wore it first. I don't usually drip so quick. You got me going."

"Then my shorts would be wet," I said.

"Turn you on?" He asked. "Let me feel you for a second."

He touched the front of my pants and found me right away. His fingers took the full measure of me and then he held the front of my pants as we walked. He squeezed me as it wiggled in my pants. I was pumping fluid into the rubber big time even though I was no longer ready to shoot.

"I want to feel it after you take off the condom."

"I'm a bit sticky," I confessed. "That story got me going pretty good."

"That's what I was hoping. I've been dribbling since I started thinking of Brenda."

"You really liked her?"

"No, not really. I loved how she made me feel."

"Did you do it again that night?"

"Yep!"

"Was it as good?" I asked.

"Better. Lasted longer, except Fritz heard me get up."

"What did he do?" I asked.

"That's even more complicated than Brenda," Kent said.

"How so?"

"Fritz and I were best friends, or so I thought. He threatened to tell if I didn't give him certain considerations."

"Such as?"

"He wanted sex, Martin," Kent said. "It's not like we hadn't been jerking each other off and all. I let him feel on it all the time. It wasn't enough for him. I figured if Brenda knew he knew, she'd cut me right off and I would have done anything to keep it going."

"Did you do what he wanted?"

"He didn't give me a choice. He said he'd tell my old man about Brenda and me."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I worked a deal with Freddie to get him off me when the time was right. Just never seemed right us being friends all that time and then him doing me that way. Feeling each other's dick is one thing but he wanted a lot more stuff than I did with him. I didn't trust him anymore after that. It wasn't fun any more."

"I bet," I said. "Did you tell Brenda?"

"Hell no. She'd have told me not to come back. No, I wasn't giving that up. We were going at it pretty often."

"Every night?" I asked.

"Nah, maybe two or three times a week. She had other interests. I was just the one that took up the slack. We were together over a year. Some times I'd see her two or three times a week or even more and some times she'd pick me up in her car."

"She really liked you?" I asked.

"Women are funny. They want what they want. We'd go tooling in her car once she picked me up and she'd already have a spot planned. Once she had enough she'd drop me off around the corner from my house."

"You got lucky pretty young."

"Suited me fine. I still had plenty of time to do all the stuff I wanted to do. She kept me tuned up. Let's get this done before I bust a nut. I don't want to mess up my drawers."

"Talking about this turns you on?" I asked.

"I guess I'm not a very nice person, Martin. This is what I'm about. I don't want to be thinking about it all the time but I am. When I'm not doing it I'm reliving doing it and thinking about the next time I'll be doing it. Like thinking about you touching me right now."

"Sounds familiar," I said. "It's what I want to be doing."

"You think about it a lot?" He asked.

"Constantly. I think maybe in school for five or ten seconds at a time I might forget about it some days, but the rest of the time I'm doing just what you said."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good time to give you something to do with your hands," he said. "What I want more than anything is for you to be touching it. I'm so horny it hurts."

"Just with my hands?"

"We're standing on the side of the road, Martin. Admittedly, it isn't well traveled but it's not the kind of place where you want to get me started. I'm not very good at stopping once I get started. I'm hard to get stopped."

"I'm already started. I like you, Kent."

"I know."

"I want you to like me."

"Oh, you're killing me. I do like you. Believe me, I do like you. It takes time to get to know each other. It's not something you can rush. I don't want to rush anything with you. I think we have plenty of time if we want."

"Like you and Brenda?"

"No. Jesus. She was just sex. I was a kid and she wanted it. That's all."

"You didn't like her?"

"Of course I did but she wouldn't have given me the time of day if I hadn't been poling her. She was thirty something - more an twice my age. Two and a half times if you measure it up quick."

"Have you been with other girls, Kent?"

"Yeah?"

"Your age?"

"God no. Girls my age are useless. They're all teeth and hair and they never shut up. I went with two eighteen year old girls over there."

"While you were with Brenda?"

"One. The other after. Greda! She had great tits, big nipples. I loved sucking on those puppies."

"You're not gay?"

"Me? I don't know what I am. Do I really have to make up my mind right here? I'm a dick with a body attached, Martin. A hard dick right now. My mind works through my pee hole most days. I'm not a nice person. I'm trying to be nice but like now, I'm so horny I can hardly stand it. I don't want to talk any more right now. Action speaks louder an words."

"I don't know if I'm good enough for you. I don't know that much. I don't know what I feel half the time. I want to do stuff that makes you happy."

"You shouldn't say things like that. I want a lot of stuff."

"I mean it. I've never met anyone like you."

"Count your lucky stars. Your plenty good enough, Martin. It's me that's not good enough."

"I'll try anything you want. I can learn. I'm not afraid with you. You tell me what you want and let me try."

"It's my turn to get the attention and it's your turn to quit stalling if you mean what you say. My dick hurts it's so hard. Why don't we start there?"

"That'll be interesting," I said. "I was afraid you didn't like me touching it. You made me stop."

"Oh, silly boy. You don't know how close you came to getting a hand full of cum. Why do you think we stopped? I didn't want that to be all we do this weekend. Like you cooking me dinner and listening to me play. We both are somebody before we became friends. That's what we need to share. The sex stuff will be easy enough. It doesn't take much to get me started."

"We are getting to know each other, aren't we?"

"Yeah! I'm getting to know how much you like to stall. I treated you real nice back there. Now you're making me beg you for some help."

I sat my bag down and he had to let go of my pants. I reached down his leg until my hand was rubbing his excitement. He spread his legs wide and gurgled down in his throat as his mouth hung open. I unzipped his pants and let my hand follow the bulge in his underwear until I found the damp exposed cockhead at the end of his boxer's leg. I tweaked the head and used his juice to pinch the tip while he blew hot air on my face. It made him moan and reflex slightly before he pushed against my hand. I put my face against his neck and kissed him there, feeling the warmth of his skin on my lips.

"Put it on me," he said softly. "I want my dick where yours has been."

I unzipped my pants and ever so carefully rolled the condom off my cock. It was slick from where I'd dripped while he was telling me about his sex life. I kneeled between his well spread legs and reached in for him. I stopped to feel his sparse pubic hair and hairless hen's eggs, reaching back behind them to feel the smooth skin behind his balls. His legs spread even more and I had to loosen his belt and finally unbuttoned his pants to pull him back up out of his pants legs. My fingers felt the damp sticky places in his shorts and that too rushed extra heat into my frazzled brain.

I got a giggle out of him as I tried to pull him back together while he was hanging free in the night breeze. He stopped laughing when I got both of my hands on him. It was silky smooth without blemishes or marks I could feel once you got beyond the swollen crown. I let one hand and then the other slid down to his pubic hair. His legs stiffened. I kissed around the fat ridge on the head, using my tongue to taste the stickiness that was all over the slit. This got an audible moan that became a sigh. I put my mouth over the top of the head and wet it more. I reluctantly gave up the hold I had on him when I was ready to roll.

"It's a bit messy. I sort of creamed in it some. Shouldn't be any trouble slipping it on you," I said. "It's well lubed."

"Good," he said.

I placed it at the tip and felt him shaking as I rolled it up on the head and then started opening it down on his shaft. While it had gone almost to my pubes where as it only went two thirds of the way up on him. I took extra time smoothing it out on him.

"That's so hot," he said. "I feel your cum on my dick. It's making me so hot."

"I could just go ahead and blow you," I said.

"Right here?" He asked.

"Why not?"

"I think you should put me away and we'll work all that out after we get back to the house, okay?"

"Sure," I said, kissing him while I was tucking him back in his pants.

"You like sex before or after dinner?" he asked.

"Both," I said.

The gravel on the shoulder of the road rolled under our sneakers as we trudged along quietly. I could hear the crickets and frogs giving their greetings to the new night. There wasn't a lot more we had to say. I think we both had something on our mind. I felt totally comfortable being with Kent. I felt safe with him. It was going to be a great weekend.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 30

Good Company

There wasn't a lot to say on the way back to Kent's. He held my hand for some of the time and I looked forward to getting back to the house to fix dinner. He insisted on helping me get things ready for the pot. He reluctantly put away the chips and cookies when I caught him stuffing himself with the junk food. He seemed curious to know how I could turn all those ingredients into something edible. He didn't trust anything that didn't come out of a box or a bag.

Cooking became more enjoyable once Kent went into the bedroom and came back in only his white boxers. He stood behind me as I browned the beef, onions, and garlic together before adding the tomato sauce. He put his hands on my waist and leaned his face next to mine. I could feel his growing interest pressing on my behind. He ended up with his head on my shoulder and his arms around my chest. It might have been awkward except for it being the best cooking I'd ever done. I was almost ready to go for the junk food and let him do the cooking but I was too practical to give in to passion in the middle of the finin'.

Once things were all pulled together there was nothing to do but let it cook. Kent escorted me to the bedroom and got me out of my hot sweaty clothes. As we made out on the bed in our underwear Kent jumped up and flipped on the television.

"I forget about Ted."

"Ted?" I said, rolling onto my belly.

"An Airman Herbie met at the bowling alley."

Sitting on the couch watching the television was a young guy with short curly blond hair staring into the television. He wore a green fatigue shirt with the name Kesler stenciled in big block letters over one pocket. He wore white boxers and his legs were covered in curly blond hairs. I could only see Herbie's feet at the edge of the picture where he was sitting in the lounge chair next to the couch.

"He's cute," I said.

"Yeah, Herbie says he's great once you get him half drunk. You want to watch awhile. Their watching the latest batch of French porn my old man brought home."

"He lets you guys watch it?"

"He puts it in the back of the closet and we pull it out. He knows we're horny fucks. Like father like son."

I planted my elbows on the bed and supporting my head in my hands. "Where does Herbie meet all these guys?"

"He meets people where ever he goes. People like him. He's pretty easy to talk to now that he knows what people mostly want."

"Sex!" I said.

"Interaction. Not all want sex. Not all the time anyway. Young guys want it all the time," Kent said, glancing at me.

"I don't," I said. "I mean I'd like to have it all the time with someone. Anytime I wanted anyway."

"Or he wanted. You like watching. I do too. I like seeing other guys getting worked up over sex. Makes me feel better about myself when I see how many of us there are."

"How's that?" I asked.

"We're all fools for it. The things we'll do to get into something. Guys like Ted play a game. They can't want it too quick. They've got to work up to wanting it. Then, look out."

"Herbie told you about him?"

"Herbie tells me everything. He blew him in his car up at the bowling alley the first night they met. Ted had a few beers and started talking about how much he liked getting blown. Herbie said he knew where he could get a good blowjob. They ended up out in his car."

"Oh, he looks pretty straight," I said.

"Yeah, probably is. Who don't like getting blown? Might have been the first time he let a guy do it to him."

"I don't know," I said. "Why doesn't Greg like you?"

"Greg? I done to him what he does to other guys. He didn't like it much."

"Greg likes everything," I said.

"Greg likes being in control. How often do you see him let someone else be in control?"

"I don't know," I said. "I haven't known him all that long."

"You've known him a hell of a lot longer than you've known me."

"Yeah, but you let me know you. Greg doesn't let me know anything. He's confusing as shit. I don't like him any more."

"He told Doug you told him you loved him," Kent said, turning to study my face before he shot me with the words.

"Yeah, I suppose I do. I don't like him thought."

"Ain't life a bitch," Kent said, sitting beside me on the edge of the bed as he looked into the tube. "At least you got me. We might not love each other but we like each other like we do."

"Yeah we do! So what did you do that so pissed him off? I want to know so I can do it to him."

"You're funny. You'd like it. Watch Ted and you'll see. I can't tell you. Greg'd kill me if he knew you knew. We were both drunk. It just happened."

"You tell Herbie?"

"I tell Herbie everything."

"Greg knows you told him?"

"Herbie tells Greg everything. It's hard to explain. There's Doug, Herbie, Greg, and me. Then there's everybody else."

"So how do you know what Ted'll do anyway?"

"I watched the other night when he first came over. He drove Herbie home the night he blew him. Two days later he shows up at the door asking for him. Guys like him usually stick to a pattern."

"Why does Herbie let you watch?"

"He likes to watch. He doesn't care if I watch. Do you like to watch?"

"Yeah, you know I do. We watched him once. It's cool seeing guys doing it."

"You got to let us watch you then."

I hadn't thought much about that. I'd always set myself up to see what I could see. I never thought about the opposite side of the coin. Did guys let me watch because they liked watching? I wasn't sure about that idea.

"Watching you is what I had in mind," I said.

He leaned and kissed me full on the lips. He held the back of my head and got more passionate.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't stop myself some times."

"Why'd you stop?" I asked. "You know I like it."

"You're not like other guys. I'm getting older. I don't want it to just be about that. I want it to be about you cooking me dinner and us watching Herbie and taking walks. I can have sex every night, all night, if I want. I want more than that from you. It's good being with someone that doesn't just want to get down to it and then leave once they cum."

"I don't understand. You like sex. You have it all the time. I don't mind if we do it as much as you want."

"You're different. I can't explain it because I'm not sure why. I want to really want it when we do it. I want to want it with you."

"How is it different?" I asked. "I'm not as experienced as you. I'm not as handsome. I'm pretty ordinary."

"I don't know, Martin, I'm a kid. You're older than me; you answer some questions. It just is, is all."

"I don't know anything," I said. "You've been around a lot more than me. I always thought sex was just sex."

"It is, Martin, but some sex is awesome and other sex is relief. I like relief but then you meet someone and you want to go for awesome. Relief just don't cut it if I'm with you."

"Me?"

"You," he said. "He's getting hard again."

"Who?" I said, looking into his dreamy blue eyes while forgetting about the entertainment.

"Ted. See his hand getting closer to his crotch. You can see his cock hair the way he's holding his boxers open. He's blonde everywhere. Herbie already blew him."

"How do you know that?"

"Routine. That's when his pants came off the other night. He asked him for another blowjob once he watched part of the first movie."

Herbie came into the picture and sat carefully on the couch beside Ted. He was naked and his long dick stood out of his sparse pubes with the tip reaching up to above his bellybutton. At first he started rubbing the inside of Ted's well shaped thigh before he reached his hand in through the pee hole to seize the helpless boy's interest. He kept looking at the television for the longest time while Herbie massaged him in firm easy strokes. Then, without warning, Ted pushed Herbie onto the floor on his hands and knees and he came off the couch on top of Herbie's back and in particularly on his ass.

I winced as I watched Ted penetrated Herbie in one hard thrust. The thrusts that followed rocked Herbie's body hard enough that he almost ended up on his nose. Ted held him by the shoulders and went at it like a man possessed. He held on and watched his dick appear all the way out of the hole and then he plunged it back in completely. Herbie stood his ground and steady his ass so Ted could have it his way. Ted finally lay forward on Herbie's back and wrapped his arms more securely around him as his ass pumped and humped for all he was worth.

"Make you hard?" Kent asked.

"Yeah," I said, mesmerized by the action. Kent's hand searched for the front of my pants that I had pressed against the bed. His fingers moved up and down feeling the lump in my drawers and I did lifted up so as to make it as easy as possible for him.

"You are hard," he said after awhile.

"How about you?" I asked.

He flipped open the hole in his boxers, wiggling his hips until it started to snake out of his boxers and down toward his right thigh. He was maybe half hard and twice the size of mine. He continued to touch me and didn't seem to mind I was no match for him in size. I let my head rest on his side as I watched Ted continue to fuck frantically as he hugged himself to Herbie. I figured his speed should have gotten him there in nothing flat but he was a real soldier and had staying power. It was another three or four minutes before his motions became jerky and his body began to twitch just before he all motion stopped.

"Fucker's a stud," Kent said amazed. "He goes full speed the whole time. I never seen a guy fuck like that and last more than two minutes."

"Yeah," I said. "A real stud."

Herbie eased the faded Ted out of his ass and onto the couch and he ended up beside him. He felt up under the green shirt while nuzzling up against him as he turned him on his side. He scooted his front end up against Ted's back end without so much as a mild rebuke. With no hesitation he was feeding all that cock up the soldier's ass. It was amazing to witness. Herbie was nothing like Ted, going slow, a single millimeter at a time as he eased it into him. Ted's arm reached around in back of him and I thought he would stop this invasion of privacy, but instead, he grabbed Herbie's thigh, pulling him toward him to facilitate his entry and then, once Herbie was inside, Ted held him in place, wiggling his ass against Herbie's crotch.

"Fuck," I said, "How can he hold all that dick?"

"It's surprising what you can do if you want it bad enough," Kent said.

"He did this before?"

"Almost exactly the same. Herbie blows him, lets him fuck him like crazy, and then fucks him. The guy's a real find."

"You sound as though you would like doing it with him."

"What's not to like? Once would be fine. He's not really my type but he is a stud and a half. You wouldn't do it with him?" Kent asked suspiciously.

"Probably, but not if I was going with someone."

"You're a hard case. How much time have you spent going with someone?"

"None!" I said.

"Right! Take it where you can get it. When you are going with someone then you deal with that. Ted would just be good sex. He's probably got a girlfriend."

"You think a guy with a girlfriend would let Herbie do that to him?"

"I don't see why not. I've done it to guys when I had a girlfriend and they did too."

"You got one now?" I asked.

"No! Girls are too complicated for me right now. They want to own you and I'm not ready for ownership. A boy friend, now that's different. Boys are cool about giving you some room if you need it."

We were kissing again after he said that. I think he knew what I was fishing for. I did glance at the television while we kissed. The two guys on the screen looked like they had fallen asleep. There was no movement as Herbie stayed pressed up against the boys back and Kent pressed my back against the bed as he lay on top of me, kissing me all the time. I could feel him hardening against the front of my pants. I ran my hands under the back of his boxes, feeling his fleshy bottom.

"What's going to happen with that spaghetti?" He asked after awhile.

"We'll either get up and turn it off or it'll burn up," I said.

He rolled on his back and looked into the television screen. There was no longer anyone in the picture. The couch was empty.

"Nothing like food after sex. I better get out there before my lame brother eats all the good stuff."

"The good stuff won't do him any good until I cook the noodles for it to go over."

"I mean the stuff I bought. Herbie'll scarf up the cookies and chips in a flash."

Kent leaped up and headed for the kitchen. Both Herbie and Ted had cookies and chips in their hands as they stood near the stove staring into the bubbling pot.

"I wondered who the cook was," Herbie said, nodding at me as I appeared right behind Kent. "This going to be real food or what?"

"Spaghetti sauce," I said.

"Martin, Ted. The other guy is my brother Kent. This is Ted. He's staying over tonight."

"Hi," Ted said, looking right down at the front of Kent's boxers.

"Will there be enough for us?" Herbie asked, looking down into the pot.

"Sure, Kent doesn't seem too excited about it," I said. "There should be plenty."

"Cool!" Herbie said. "You like spaghetti, Ted. Smells almost like real food."

"I'm in the air force. I'll eat anything," Ted bragged boldly as he moved up to the stove to help Herbie look.

"Not yet," Herbie said, nudging Ted with his elbow and giving him a weird look.

Ted turned red after thinking about it for a minute and the he wouldn't look at any of us for awhile.

I was the only one dressed except for Ted's fatigue shirt. They all had on matching white boxers and I was sure it was a military thing. We all ended up at the table eating spaghetti a few minutes later. There was sauce left over but everyone seemed happy with the hot meal. We drank Budweiser with it and it was surprisingly good against all that spice and garlic seasoning in the sauce.

Kent and I headed for the bedroom once the dishes were stacked in the sink but it wasn't long before Herbie and Ted came bounding in during one of our kisses. Ted seemed a bit surprised that we were tied up in a lip lock. After what I'd seen him doing with Herbie, I didn't feel all that bad about being caught kissing another guy. When he got a look at what was poking out of Kent's boxers, his momentary repulsion at seeing us kissing was forgotten about. He tried to act like he wasn't really trying to get a good look at Kent's cock, but I caught him staring at the brown hair in the opening of his boxers more than once.

I fell asleep in Kent's arms and each time I woke up Herbie and Ted were chomping potato chips or cookies while laughing and watching another Kung Fu movie. Kent didn't seem the least bit perturbed by having company in bed with us but I felt robbed. I had in mind that we'd spend the night making love and Kent slept like a rock through the noise and didn't even wake up when the other two boys were eating all the junk he'd carefully selected for his own purposes. I would cuddle up to him and fall back to sleep each time the disruption broke into my beauty sleep. I would have been better off at home but the scenery wouldn't have been nearly as nice.

The next morning we were the four Musketeers. We ate breakfast at El Rancho on Ted and then he drove us to the bowling alley where he sprung for the ten games we bowled. He was a little hung over and Kent won every game but Ted didn't seem to mind until Herbie lost interest. He stopped bowling after four games saying his wrist was lame. He flipped it convincingly to demonstrate his disability. Ted once again turned a brilliant crimson color while checking to see if anyone saw. Kent and I weren't convinced if he was embarrassed by the inference or the connection that had grown up between them on several occasions.

Herbie ended up spending the rest of the morning with some teenyboppers he met while he was on a Coke run. He wandered off with them and was up playing video machines. Herbie was the tallest little kid I knew and he jumped and squealed as his three new friends pressed close to him as he had his way with the video game. I thought that Kent acted and looked far more mature than his eighteen year old brother.

"What's he want with them?" Ted asked as he came off the lane and looked up at the giggly boys.

"Same as he wants with you," Kent said bluntly as Ted looked horrified.

Once again our benefactor turned ruby red. It was obvious what the first thing was that went through his mind.

"They're a little young," Ted said, flopping down on the plastic seat and looking back over his shoulder. "Jail-bait if you ask me."

"That depends on what you have in mind. My brother loves everyone equal," Kent said. "People like him because he's no threat to them. He allows everyone to be whatever they truly are and he gives them what they want. He's incapable of doing harm or having an unkind thought, and for you Ted, he's jail bait. You're a grown man and he's a boy that will do anything you want him to do and if you didn't know it, I just told you."

Kent had a way of framing things that left no doubts in your mind. Ted became very quiet and the red in his face began to fade as we went back to bowling. My wrist was starting to get sore but Kent kept throwing his straight ball right at the head pin with good success. Ted won the last game after Kent had lost interest and was tired of tormenting us. Just for a second he reminded me of Greg as he triumphantly strutted from the alley.

"Why'd you say that to me about your brother," Ted asked as we were getting ready to leave.

"I don't want you to get the idea that Herbie's responsible for whatever you two are doing together. I don't play that game and you came over to our house."

"I never said anything about him doing anything," Ted said.

"Don't and he won't say anything about you. We're all cool with you as long as you don't try to shine us on about what's going on."

Once again Ted started to change colors before our eyes. He drove us back to the house minus Herbie who had disappeared with his new friends by the time we were starting the last game. He sat in the car and didn't seem to want to come in and Kent didn't invite him.

"Couldn't wait to get rid of us," I said as Kent was letting us in the house.

"He wanted to pretend he didn't like queering off. I don't let them off the hook that easy. He isn't going to say anything about Herbie is all."

"Is that what we're doing, queering off?" I asked.

"Straight guys queer off. We're not like them," Kent said in a way that I thought I should have understood but didn't.

"You date girls?" I said, looking for the line that everyone else seemed to know about.

"Martin, I like guys. Ted doesn't like guys. He likes sex. He likes feeling good. He's just not real particular when he needs it."

"He let Herbie screw him," I said, unable to figure it out. "A straight guy would never do that."

"Takes a real man to handle a dick like his. There's a sexual intensity to getting fucked. Straight guys like that intensity. Hell, most of them keep something they use as a dildo to give them that extra something when they're beating off. They aren't stupid. They figure out what makes them hot. Ted just found a dildo he liked only it was attached to Herbie. That doesn't make him gay. He'll be off pinching some girls ass in a bar tonight, proving his manhood to his buddies."

"You really think so?"

"I have no doubt. Most of those guys have girlfriends back home. They intend to go home and raise families but in the mean time they're looking for love in all the wrong places because it feels good and no one is watching."

"No one like their girlfriends?"

"Exactly! They can be free to explore what they really feel and then go home and pretend it never happened."

The sex stuff really confused me. It would have been so much easier if straight guys were always straight and gay guys were always gay and there wasn't so much middle ground where you can get lost.

 

Discovering Gregory

Chapter 31

Good News Bad News

It was good being there alone with Kent. I was beginning to feel the kind of excitement around him that I had previously only felt around Greg. Caring about someone was good for me. Thinking someone cared about me was better. Kent was easy to be with because it didn't require any extra energy. He didn't seem to mind my questions and he told me what he knew when I needed to know. He didn't claim to be right or to know everything but he did claimed to know what he knew and that was way more than I knew.

We took time to kiss inside the front door and then we held hands while we sat on the couch and I didn't need to ask any questions about that. I knew it was real and I knew he was real and I felt like we belonged together. His eyes kept me close and mine responded in kind. There was a comfort that words can't explain and words weren't necessary between us just then. We did kiss and snuggle for a bit, enjoying the aloneness. I knew this was the good stuff and Kent was good at making me feel lucky that I knew him.

"What do you want to do?" He asked after giving me a particularly nice kiss.

"I'd like to hear you play again," I said.

"You just want to get me out of my clothes. Confess!"

"Yeah! Well that works for me too. I love music. I've never known anyone who could make music before. Please, just for a few minutes."

"Great, he loves me for my piano. Don't ask me to take it with us on long walks. If that's what it takes I could get my old man to spring for an accordion."

"You don't need to take anything with. You're just fine like you are; I can wait for us to be here to hear you make music."

"Music to my ears. That earns you one piano concerto. You want to go for a symphony? A big wet sloppy kiss might get you some Beethoven. Want to go for Mahler?"

We giggled as I followed him down the hall. He kicked off his pants and underwear just inside the door, leaving on his white T-shirt that hung down too far for my taste. Once he'd sat on the bench he patted his hand where he wanted me to sit. He opened the keyboard and tested the keys. I moved up close to him and leaned my head on his shoulder as the music started to flow out of him. The sounds created an electricity all its own.

My eyes moved down to where his cock and balls hung over the edge of the bench. His T-shirt denied me all but a peak of his pubes and I moved my hand up under it to feel the warm soft skin on his stomach. I moved my hand down to the base of his cock as he reached for the far keys. My activity didn't slow the progression of the music but he had begun to stir once my hand made first contact. The music became more pronounced while I watched him hardening and lengthening. All my senses were suddenly engaged and there was a fire starting to burn inside me.

I became powerless to help myself and I had to help it grow in any way I could. It grew and grew as I kept time with the music. Feeling his lust throbbing on the inside of my fist got my own passion rising with the tempo of the music. I'd never known piano playing could be so taxing, not only that, it seemed to suck all the air out of the room and as I struggled to breath I could feel my heart fluttering inside my chest. My fingers felt his strength pounding out its own beat through his cock.

"Now that I got the juices flowing, let's go watch some movies," he said, no longer playing but keeping his arms extended and his fingers poised at the keys. He did take notice of my hand and how it kept time on him even after the music had stopped. "I want to make it last," he said softly, squeezed his hand on top of mine as I massaged his shaft. His eyes closed and his lips parted in a silent gasp.

"Sure," I said. "Whatever you want."

"Is it hard?" Kent asked me with his eyes closed. "Your dick, I just need to know if touching me makes you get hard."

"I've been hard since I came over. I'm finding that I'm always hard around you," I confessed.

"Thanks! Can we watch some movies? It gets me going good; I like watching. We can do whatever you like after that. You might see something you like."

"Sure," I said, feeling him twitch.

"I jerk off here sometimes. Music excites me. That's why I started playing naked. With the right company everything excites me."

"Am I the right company," I said.

"Oh, you are a hard case, Martin. I can have sex anytime I want. There's always someone hanging around waiting for Herbie or wanting a little glimpse of the trouser snake they've heard about. Guys follow me home from school. At best they can only get me half hard. You OTOH... well, you remind me of how good it can get when someone likes me. I mean likes you for real and not because you got a big cock. You aren't just after a cheap thrill from the geek with the big meat. That's helps, Martin. You don't know how much."

"Geek with the meat? God, you're the most handsome guy I know; you're the smartest guy I know, and you have confidence. You can even make music. I don't know anyone that can make music. You are no geek, Kent, I've never known anyone like you."

"You do know the right things to say. Believe me, it's no picnic having the biggest dick. Still being in junior-high means all those under developed boys staring at it all the time. Some just have to have a private look or feel. If you let them touch it they think you like their grubby little hands on you any time and if you don't they think you're stuck up because you got what they don't and all the girls want it."

"Why would you let guys you don't know touch it?"

"Herbie and I aren't as different as we seem. I always end up giving people what they want from me. Now that I'm older it all starts with what swings between my thighs. Most new guys I meet is because of that. They don't want to know who I am; they just want a look. They've gotta see it all-the-way hard. They've just got to know how big it really gets. And that's the guys that are straight!"

"You're complaining? No one's interested in mine at all."

"Nah, no complainin'; it's a hoot some times. I mean I'm glad to have what I have. It has gotten me some cheap thrills at my tender young age. I'm just getting too old to keep doing that kind of thing. I want to find someone to hook up with that I can depend on to be there. I know I'm young but I just feel like I want someone I can be with all the time."

"I know how you feel," I said.

"You think you know but unless you have a brother like Herbie you can't. I knew there was only one reason why he brought guys around. Most of them figured if Herbie was like that, I must be. There was always one of them wanting something if Herbie wasn't around, even when he was sometimes. It doesn't take long to figure out why they're there."

"I guess I don't know about that. It sounds bad when you put it that way but it excites me too. What I mean is that I think I'd prefer that to nothing at all for sixteen years."

"Yeah, me too when you put it that way," he said, kissing my forehead as he stood up. "Let's go watch some movies and I'll help you make up for those wasted sixteen years."

I walked behind him as we headed back down the hall. His ass was smooth and nicely shaped on top of long slender legs. I would have reached out to feel it but he was too quick and we were soon trotting down the stairs into the entertainment center.

Kent was immediately going through the titles as he squatted in front of the cabinet. He popped a tape into the machine and then sat down beside me as it started to play.

"This is pretty mainstream stuff. Keeps me torqued and ready for whatever you like. You okay with doing this? We can go cook if you'd rather."

"I'm more than fine. I'm as ready as you and we can do anything you like."

I sat closer to him and watched his own fingers doing what mine had been doing only a few minutes before. He only let go of his to reach for my zipper. Once his hand worked its way in through my pee slit, he freed me from my modest constraints. I looked at the camera on the bookcase and wondered if I was overexposed. My cock twitched and a different excitement ran through me as his hand squeezed gently. I held his balls as he jacked us both off and watched the tube.

He was soon touching me in a way that had my toes curling up in my shoes as I watched his long easy stroking. He stared into the television as two guys were making overtures to a single girl. Once again I understood that seeing the excitement growing in the guys was far more interesting to me than the thought of what they were going to do with it.

It seemed to be a consistent theme with guys. Once they became aroused, the pursuit of satisfaction was their all-consuming goal. With this in mind I replaced Kent's hand, putting mine on him and watching his legs spread and feeling his cock twitch as I held it. I could see the changing color and size of his cock once I seized it. I had to grit my teeth to keep from losing it. I didn't want to peak too soon but the feel of his steel cock had me on the verge.

Once I got a whiff of his intense smell I was enraptured by our too little physical contact and I eased my hips at his hand so he could get all of me he wanted. We were having what surely was close to the original hand to hand combat because boys will be boys and they come first before they become men. I let my head slid onto his chest and my eyes were only a little ways above his excited flesh. He panted hard and was obviously turned on by the way I handled him. He reached over my shoulder to handle me just fine.

I moved his T-shirt up so I could lay my face on naked flesh. I squeezed him while looking at the magnificent purple color that had come into the head. His hips came off the couch as he pushed himself up through my fingers. I blew hot air on the tip as he moved it toward my face. I heard his moan as his head rolled across the back of the couch. I blew harder and squeezed until the wide head shinned silky.

"Oh yeah. Man, that's hot. Don't go too fast, okay. Yeah, that's it! Oh, yes. Yes! Not too fast."

Kent's cock got thicker and darker as I stroked and squeezed and blew while watching it slipping through my fingers. I would have exploded but for the fact I was too busy getting all of my senses corralled and pushed to the max. The sounds he made reassured me. I'd never seen anyone so completed lost in lust as Kent was at that time. His body was alive, turning and twisting against me as he thrust his hips hard against my hand.

"Better let off now," he gasped. "I haven't done anything in awhile. I don't want to blow a load right away," he said.

He sat up and let go of me and so I sat up beside him. I looked down and watched his cock jerking as clear drops leaked from the tip. He used his thumb to smear the liquid and clear the tip for another drop. This caused the head to shine even more.

"I almost waited too long. Man, that felt good so nice I didn't want you to stop. You're good."

I glanced at the television screen to see one of the two guys doubled up trying to suck his own dick while the chick licked his ass and the other guy was licking hers.

"Herbie can do that," Kent said, following my eyes to the screen.

"Suck himself?"

"Yeah! Isn't that a bitch."

"Can you?" I asked.

He looked at me and said, "Probably."

"You can, can't you?"

"Yeah! I can. Don't you tell anyone!"

"Let me see. That would be so hot."

"You really think so?"

"Fuck yeah!" I said.

"You can't tell anyone. I showed a guy in Germany and he told everyone."

"That's not cool."

"Tell me about it. Everyone wanted to see me do it."

"You don't have to worry. Who'd I tell anyway, my parents? Right! Hey, dad, my buddy Kent can suck his own dick. I want to be just like him one day."

We both laughed as I had my mock-conversation with my father.

"Yeah. You're okay. I might need some help," he said. "I haven't done it in awhile."

He was quickly turning his back down on the couch and he kicked his legs up as he positioned himself. I was so busy watching how far his cock was from his lips, it took me awhile to realize his ass was in my face. I was immediately drawn to it.

I'd come to find that hole to be the most fascinating part of the human body for me. I remembered how pink George's had been and how attracted to it I was. I placed my hand on his ass as he bounced and maneuvered his cock lower and lower down toward his lips.

"That's it. Press down, Martin," he instructed as felt my hand on his bottom.

I pressed my fingers down concentrating on his hole, moving them around so I could feel the contours and texture of his brown hole. My middle finger curled into the opening as I applied pressure.

Kent's cock was just then within reach of his lips. I pressed harder. The sucking sounds announced his success and I watched his cock thicken boldly as his lips closed over half the head. He was totally lost in his excitement for himself.

I used my middle finger to test his resolve and there was no resistance. Kent was lost in his lust for himself. When I looked, almost the entire head was wrapped between his lips. I continued pressing down and my finger broke through up to the first knuckle. His tight sphincter grabbed at my finger, pulsing and jerking on it. A load moan broke into my trance.

"Fuck," Kent shouted, as his ass seemed to jump up on my entire finger. "Oh God! Don't! Stop!"

I was in the process of retrieving my digit but the resistance in his hole now held me fast and kept me from making a clean getaway. It jerked and pulsed wildly as Kent moaned and gushed air. Once I looked back at his face I understood. He was pulsing cum in huge gobs onto his lips and chin. All at once he pushed his ass completely down on my finger.

I watched him panting and his eyes never left me while he was unfolding himself.

"That was awesome," he said. "Man, I thought I died and gone to heaven."

He started to sit up and I tried to give him all the room I could, but once again he was on the way to somewhere else. By the time I figured it out his mouth reached its objective and I was reminded how damn hot I was. He immediately had my barometer peaked and exploding and there was no warning for me or for him. He didn't seem to mind and I shook and twitched and moaned as he did his best to suck me dry.

"You're incredible," he said. "You know just how to get me going and keep me going."

I looked down at him as he lay his face on my spent flesh. His cum was all over his face and mine was in his mouth. He smiled for me and I felt great.

We would spend the rest of that day searching for our limitations, and we found few.