During my junior year, I roomed with a sophomore transfer student who was also on the baseball team. Don had transferred to a school out of state. Cameron Thompson was a six-foot-one, one hundred eighty-pound hunk of muscular man meat. He had done the kind of weight training that gave him definition and strength without all the bulk that weight lifters have. His hairy pecs drove me crazy when he came back from the shower with only a towel around his waist.
Our conversations were mostly about mundane things around campus, and we never got into our personal affairs. I knew that the chances of having another gay roommate were practically nill, but in the back of my mind, I wondered whether I’d be willing to help a straight man experiment. He was so wonderfully sexy, after all.
Then the day came when someone told him that he was rooming with a gay man.
After dinner one evening, while I was working on some easy homework, Cameron sat on the bed across from me. “We need to talk about something, bro.”
I put my book down. He’d never called me ‘bro’ before. I nodded. “OK.”
“Someone told me at lunch today, well, he didn’t specifically tell me, he was kind of just talking, and he asked me if you brought any boyfriends back to the room. I said ‘boyfriends,’ and he said ‘yeah,’ and ‘didn’t you know he was gay?’ And I was like ‘no.’” He took a deep breath.
I smiled. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah, bro. I just need to know.” He sounded desperate.
“Yes, Cameron, I am.”
“Oh, fuck. I can’t believe this.” I noticed that his eyes seemed to get moist. “I’ve been looking for a gay dude that I can trust, and here you are. All the time, you’ve been right here.”
“Take a breath.”
He stood up and took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start.”
“It’s OK. Take your time,” I told him.
“I’ve never told anyone this,” Cameron told me while looking at the floor. He sat back on the bed.
“I’ve got a girlfriend back home. My parents expect me to marry her when I get out of school.”
“What do you want to do?” I asked.
“I suppose I should marry her. I mean, she loves me. We both want kids. Isn’t that what people do?”
“Some people do.”
“But you wouldn’t marry a woman just to have kids, would you.?” He looked up at me.
“I wouldn’t, no. You haven’t talked to her about this, have you.”
He shook his head.
“Do you have feelings for her, Cameron?”
“I like her. I like her a lot, more than any other girl.”
I didn’t say anything.
“But I think about guys all the time. At my last school, I couldn’t stop thinking about Danny. I never said anything to him because he had a girlfriend. I probably wouldn’t have anyway, but I thought that if I got away from him things might be better and the opportunity to come here came up.” He took a couple of deep breaths. “And now I’m rooming with a guy like you, so now I’m thinking about you at night while I take care of myself, and I find out that you like guys…”
“So, Cameron, do you think you’re gay?”
He nodded, but he didn’t say anything aloud.
“It’s not always an easy thing to admit.”
“My dad will kill me.” His eyes filled with tears.
“You’re worried you’ll disappoint your father.
“He hates gay people.” I could tell his nose was getting stuffed up from the tears.
“Maybe once he knows…” I held my hand out to him. He grabbed it and held it.
“I don’t think I can tell him.”
“I haven’t told mine,” I admitted.
“You haven’t?” He looked at me and smiled just a little.
“Who knows? I plan to once I graduate, but maybe not. Your girlfriend though might be a different story.”
“But people here at school know you’re gay, right? And you go on dates? Do you have a boyfriend?”
“I’ve gone on a few dates, and I’ve had sex with a guy. I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Cameron sighed. “I haven’t had sex yet. A couple of girls at school told me they wanted to, but I was already pledged to Beth. We had been since I was fourteen. A guy once was flirting with me; at least, I think he was, but I was too scared to do anything.”
“Opening up to another person is a scary thing; things don’t always go the way you hope or want.”
“Thanks, Jake.” He let go of my hand. “I think I’ll go take a hot shower.”
“I’ll be here when you get back if you want to talk some more.” I watched him leave the room, and I imagined what he would look like in the shower. I had to readjust myself and refocus. I still had some studying to do.
A month later, our school had a practice tournament with the other university in town. The men were playing best two of three instead of a full five sets. I won the morning match easily, but the afternoon match was a challenge. I’d barely won the first set, and my opponent had been playing aggressively. He came up to the net but hit the ball a little too hard, and I returned it to the opposite corner to win. The team congratulated me, and I was on my way in to shower and change when Cameron bounded up.
Cameron and I had become friendly since our talk. He shared more about himself, and I learned his family belonged to a religious group that picked spouses when kids first entered their teens. Most were expected to marry after high school, but Cameron’s athletic talents gave him an option. He had decided to tell Beth and give her the option to marry him or walk away. He was convinced that he wanted the life of a husband and a father.
As Cameron came up to me, he grabbed me and swung me around. “Great game!”
“I didn’t know you were going to come to watch.” My smile was broader than usual.
“I was thinking about it, and then the guys decided to go to the beach and do some girl-watching, so I decided to come and watch the best looking guy I know. But you know, you’re kind of sweaty.”
“That’s what happens when an athlete does some real work rather than stand around waiting for a ball to fall from the sky. I’m going to shower. Do you want to grab something to eat after this? I'm famished.”
“You want to take me to dinner? I’ll let you.” He laughed.
“Come on. Follow me. I don’t want you to get lost.” I showered and put on some fresh clothes. We went to a deli and I ordered a Reuben, and he got a turkey and tomato on wheat. We laughed, joked, and demeaned one another as we went back to the room.
Cameron unlocked the door and then blocked it. I pushed him into the room and closed the door behind me. He pushed me into the door. The entire time we were laughing, and then, with his hands on my shoulders, he looked me directly in the eyes and then looked down at the ground. When he raised his gaze back up, he leaned forward, and we shared our first kiss. His hand traveled from my shoulders to my butt. He pulled me against him.
I ran my fingers through his hair, his soft hair, and I held his head as I pressed my lips harder against his. I pushed his lips apart with my tongue and touched the tip of mine to his. My breathing rate increased as did my heart rate.
“Oh, Jake, every night I dream about being inside you. I want you so much. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, I just know it’s what I want.”
In my heart, I wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea. I didn’t love Cameron. I liked him a lot, so it would just be sex. He was hot, and I horny. “Friends,” I said. “We’re sharing fun and playing around, OK?”
“Yeah. I know. My first time with someone I know I like. Friends,” he said back.
I smiled. “Better than a quickie behind some bushes on your way back from the library with someone you’ll never see again. Right?”
His face grew serious. “Have you done that?”
“No. But I know guys who have.” I pulled my shirt off and kissed him again.
He pulled his shirt off, exposing that wonderful, slightly hairy chest.
“I fucking love your pecs.” I licked each one. “Let’s get into the bed.” I kicked off my shoes and removed the rest of my clothes. Cameron did the same, and as I started for the bed, he moved behind me and pulled me against him. The sensation of his body against my back sent chills to each extremity. His left hand pressed against my chest; his right hand moved against my penis, his fingers wrapped around the semi-hard shaft while his wrist pressed into my pelvis and pushed my ass into his hardening manhood.
I tilted and turned my head. He nibbled on my ear.
“Do you want to take me like this?” I asked in a whisper.
“No. I want to watch your face and eyes and kiss you while I do it.”
I smiled. That was part of his gentleness that I had grown to love over the past few months. Sometimes I thought that we should have been brothers, but then this wouldn’t be happening, and I wanted this. “I’ve got lube in this drawer.” I reached over and pulled the silicone lubricant I’d bought at Walmart at the beginning of the year.
“Do I need a rubber?” he asked. I’ve never done it before, so I don’t have anything.”
“I’ve been tested three times since my last time, so I’m clean.” It’d be my first time raw, and I couldn’t think of anyone I'd rather be with like that. “No condom.”
He spun me to face him, and he licked my chin. My dick jerked in response. He reached behind me and pulled the covers off before returning his hands to my ass and squeezing my two cheeks simultaneously. “Lay back,” he instructed. He positioned his head between my legs and began to lick my balls. His tongue was gentle, wet, intensional, and I closed my eyes and immersed my thoughts in the absolute pleasure of it.
His tongue moved up to the shaft of my erection; it slid up and down before I felt him take me into his mouth. I felt him try to push my entire cock into his mouth; the head of my dick pushed against the entrance to his throat, and his gag reflex came into play. He pulled back. “I guess I need more practice with that,” he chuckled.
“We’ll make time to work on that,” I smiled.
He pushed my legs up and licked my balls again before sliding down to massage my taint with the flat surface of his tongue. I sensed his finger moving around the entrance to my hole. “It looks so tiny, like a little slit. I’m worried I’ll hurt you, not that I’m that big.”
“You won’t hurt me, Cam. You’re going to make me feel wonderful.” There was a temperature change as he rubbed my hole with lubricant. He began to slip his finger inside me. With each insertion, the desire to feel his dick in me grew. I heard myself squeal as he pushed a finger farther in.
“Jake, this is driving me crazy. I want to shove my dick into you. I want to fucking fuck you so bad.”
“Rub some lube on it, and slide it in me.” He leaned back; his knees spread around my ass. I heard the sound of his hand spreading the lubricant on his shaft, and then he pushed the head of his cock against my hole.
I bore down slightly, and my hole opened for him. He pushed gently at first, I could tell he was trying to be gentle. I reached up and touched his nipples; he moved forward using his hands to hold himself over me. His hips pivoted and most of him was now inside me.
Pivoting my hips up and forward, I wrapped my legs around his waist and took his entirety into me. Some things are a perfect fit, and his dick was a perfect size for my tunnel. The two of us moved slowly in sync. His head moved down, and I kissed him.
“Oh, Jake, this feels so good. Oh. Oh. Fuck.” His body stiffened, and he jerked forward. A sensation of fullness came over me as he shot his load into my ass. “Sorry, buddy. I didn’t mean to lose it so fast. That was fantastic, though.”
“We can see if you last longer the next time,” I told him. His dick slid out of me and he moved up beside me and held me. He brushed the damp bangs from my face and looked at me with a strange intensity. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah. I think I’m realizing what it is to feel happy, and that makes me feel kind of sad at the same time.”
“I’ve felt that way sometimes. I think it’s part of growing up and self-realization. You know, figuring out what you want to do versus what you have to do.”
“Right now, what I want to do is snuggle here with you and maybe take a little nap. Maybe later you’ll let me take you on a late-night run for some fried chicken.”
“Yep. I think you’d be able to convince me to do anything right now.”
Cameron snuggled down closer to me and closed his eyes. I watched him fall asleep, and in the back of my mind, I wondered whether we might have crossed the boundary of friendship. Could I see myself coming home to him each night? Yeah. I could.
