The first time I talked about my sexuality, I was in the hospital. I had been on a little-traveled road heading to the land that my grandparents had lived on. I did notice the truck stopping at the stop sign. I didn’t realize he was just going to stop and go without looking. I hit him hard, breaking my legs and getting a concussion. The accident wasn’t discovered for two days, I woke up in the hospital with my legs in traction and a splitting headache.
On the evening of the third day, after the sixty-year-old nurse helped me use the bedpan and had cleaned my ass, a most embarrassing situation I have to admit. I began to innocently rub my penis. I started to think about the new guy at school who had just moved to school two weeks before summer vacation started. He was on the tennis team at his previous school, so he was on the tennis team at mine. We’d played a few matches, and it was obvious to me that he was a better player than I was.
What I noticed most about him was how handsome he was. He had this way of smiling, and with his brownish-blond hair and golden eyes, it was easy to get lost just looking at him. As I thought about him that night, I imagined that he whispered to me how much he liked me. I imagined his kissing me. I wrapped my fingers around my flaccid shaft. I pretended that he was the one holding me. I closed my eyes and stroked. I got hard and began to breathe faster. My heart monitor beeped faster. I pushed the sheet and blanket up with my free hand as I felt myself get closer, and when I came, I came more than I usually did. My stomach and pubic hair were covered in cum, but I felt relaxed. I pretended he was cuddled next to me, and I fell asleep.
The next morning, I was staring at the ceiling when a young guy in his mid-twenties came into the room. He was wearing blue scrubs, and what I really noticed was how I could see that his chest was hairy. I found that sexy.
“Hi there, Jake. I’m Keith. I’m here to get you cleaned up for the day. How are you doing this morning?”
“I’m OK,” I told him.
“What about your head? I heard you got a nasty bump.” He reached up and pushed my bangs back. “That’s a nice bruise.”
I felt a tingle when he touched me.
“I’m going to give you a bath. Do you need to go to the bathroom first?” His smile was gentle and genuine.”
“I peed in the container just a little while ago.” That’s when I thought about all the dried cum on my stomach. “Can’t I wash myself?”
“Then what would I do? I’d be out of a job, on the streets, maybe even on heroin. You wouldn’t want that to happen to me, would you?” He laughed a little.
“No, of course not.”
“There’s no need to be embarrassed,” he said as he got his things ready. “There’s nothing I haven’t seen before, so you don’t need to worry.”
“I’m not worried.” I looked up at him. I noticed his blue eyes, dark hair, and real sideburns. He also had this cute nose. I felt my dick start to get hard.
“Let’s get you out of the gown. I’ll get you a fresh one after the bath.”
“I… uh…” I looked down toward my groin.
He glanced in that direction. “Don’t worry if you get hard. It happens sometimes. Let me help you get that gown off.”
We slipped off my gown, and with his holding me forward and wrapping his arms around me, my almost seven-inches of hard dick was sticking straight up and difficult to ignore.” I could tell my face was beet red.
He smiled at me. “You certainly have no reason to be embarrassed. If you were gay and a little older, I think I’d ask you out. Although, I’m not allowed to ask patients out.”
“You would?” I couldn’t believe it. A nice, good-looking guy like Keith would ask me out if he could. “I am gay,” I whispered.
I saw him bite his lower lip. “Is it still a secret?” he whispered.
“You’re the only one I’ve told.”
“I get it,” he told me. “I move far away from home. I still haven’t told my family.” I think his eyes got misty. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He looked back at my dick. “Looks like you might have had some fun here in bed. I’ll leave you a towel for the next time.” He winked at me. He gave me a sponge bath and a new gown.
He didn’t come back that next day or any day after that. I felt sad because I thought I could talk some more to him. I didn’t expect him to ask me out, or for me to ask him out, or anything like that. I just thought he’d be someone who’d understand.
I spend the rest of the summer in rehab, strengthening my legs, and working on my tennis. My legs were stronger than ever, but I just never developed that extra skill to be a superstar tennis player. But it did get me a scholarship to college.
That last year of high school was torture. Jeff, the new guy, was such a skilled player that I never beat him. We played matches almost daily; I would get close sometimes, but I began to wonder whether I couldn’t beat him because he was so distracting to me. During the warm weather, he would take his shirt off and expose his absolutely gorgeous chest, just hairy enough to make the blood rush to my groin. In cooler weather, he would sweat enough that we would need to change shirts, but he would opt to go shirtless.
At night, I imagine licking and kissing those nipples.
After practice was just as bad. He was always first in the shower. I wasn’t positive, but from my many furtive glances, he appeared to be about the same size as I was. Light brown patches above his penis and under his arms increased my desires.
I was glad that he was only in one of my classes. He was an average student; the other kids liked him. I would fantasize that he would come up to me and profess undying love, even though I saw the guys and girls in my class professing undying love to each other only to break up within a month or two. Jeff and I worked on one project together in English class, and after graduation, I didn’t talk to him again.
While I initially had decided to come out in college from the start, I thought better of it. I decided to feel out the tennis team first. There was a sophomore member of the team whom everyone knew was gay. In fact, he bragged about it, reminding everyone that he was gay every chance he got. I found him annoying, and I did my best to avoid him. At the start of the spring semester, the coach had a Saturday get-together, and Randy was telling everyone how he had put family members in their place as he let them know about his preference for dick.
I’d had enough of his superior attitude, and I poked him in the chest. “You know, Randy, being gay doesn’t make you better than anyone else, and in fact, being an asshole about it just makes you an asshole.”
He responded, “What would you know about it, dickhead?”
“I’m gay,” I said, “and I know I’m not any better than anyone else because of it. I’m no worse, either. Do a reality check and stop being a prick.”
“That’s right,” said Todd, the team captain. “You give us gay guys a bad name.”
After Todd stepped up, no one else on the team ever said anything one way or the other about sexuality. At least, not in front of other team members. But within a week, everyone on my floor in the dorm knew that I was gay. The guys didn’t treat me any differently, and life went on the same as it had since the beginning of the fall semester.
That is, until spring break.
I was in the shower when I heard, “Adams, is that you in there?”
“Yeah, who’s that? What’d you need?”
“It’s Charlie. I want you to stop by my room before you head back to yours. OK?”
“Sure, Charlie.” I finished my shower without rushing. What the hell could he want, I thought. He’s never said more than ‘hello’ to me. Please, I hope he doesn’t want me to tutor him.
I wore my robe and sandals and had my small kit of shampoo and soap as I left the communal bathroom. I stopped at Charlie’s door and knocked. He let me in, and in a whispered and hurried voice, he said, “I hope you’re willing to help me. I am so horny that I can hardly stand it. Last week my girlfriend played with my ass, and I loved it. She’s gone home, and I’m hoping that you’ll be willing to fuck me but not tell anyone.”
I was more than a little shocked and just stood there.
“Please,” he continued. “You’re the best looking gay dude in the dorm, and I know I can trust you. Plus, I’ve got a rubber for you to wear. Just put it on. I’ve already lubed my ass.”
I still hadn’t said anything.
Charlie sat at the edge of the bed, pulled his running shorts down, leaned back, and spread his legs to give me a great view of his ass. His dick didn’t look like much, but my dick immediately got hard. I’d never thought of Charlie that way before, but here was a nice, lubed hole attached to a willing guy.
I unrolled the condom on my dick.
“Just push it straight in. All the way at once.”
I stepped up to him, aligned my cock, and pushed it into him. The warm, tight sensation immediately enveloped my dick. I loved it.
“Oh, fuck,” said Charlie. “Yeah. That’s what I want. Come on, Adams, fuck me.”
I held onto his legs and began to fuck him. He continued to stream profanities. “Shit, that’s so good. Fucking yes. Deep into my cunt. Fuck my pussy, man.” Then he said something that confused me. “Oh, fuck, Jake, I’m gonna have to marry you. Come in my fucking ass.”
I wasn’t confused enough to stop what I was doing. I was getting close, and I was slamming my dick into him with a lot of force when I suddenly pushed my dick all the way in and lost my load. I pushed into him two more times, each time I felt the joyous release.
I pulled out and removed the condom. I had not realized that simply fucking someone would feel that good. I had no emotional ties to Charlie, nor did I want any. All the times I had jerked off alone, I had always thought of some guy romantically. I realized now that I didn’t have to have that to feel good. Even coming in a condom in a guy’s ass felt incredible.
“Thanks, dude. Want to do it again tomorrow?”
“Sure,” I replied. “Felt great.”
“Fucking-A.”
I went back to the bathroom and took another shower. I contemplated what I would do with the realization that I could have sex even though I wasn’t in love. Charlie and I would have sex about once each week. Sometimes he wanted doggy-style, sometimes on his back, but there was never any touching or kissing. While I never wanted to kiss him, I started reading some gay erotica, and I began to wonder whether I was missing out on something.
