The Twink at the Cafe

"Why, why are you asking me to do this, you know I don't like it and don't want to!"

I sighed at my boyfriend, but deep down I couldn't blame him and wondered why I was continuing to ask him to top me. He was a bottom; he was a bottom when we met a couple of years ago; a bottom when he moved in to my place last year, and was still a bottom. 

But I didn't want to always top any longer. 

Still, I told myself that if my feelings and needs could change, couldn't he at least try, for me and our relationship?

I hadn't been able to top him for weeks now. I rarely came, blaming it on the new clients I had taken on for work, and he seemingly bought that. But in reality, I knew it was more than that.

Even though it was months ago, my interaction with Cami had stirred something inside me. I'd had control taken from me. I was being pursued. Ultimately pursued too hard and I was loyal to my boyfriend, but I learned something expected from those brief encounters.

That I didn't have to top to be pursued. That losing the burden of always topping was liberating and sexy. 

But it also led to my bf and I having the same conversation over and over. I didn't blame him for being upset at me.

He turned over in bed, muttered something, and put his earbuds in. Clearly he'd had enough for tonite. I got out of bed and walked through the house in just my trunks, heading to the kitchen for some water and to try to at least slow down my mind.

I was the first one up and kissed him as he slept as I headed out to the office. He started later than I did, and I also thought he might appreciate some quiet time in the house. 

But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered. I'd wanted us to get married, I'd wanted to put him on the mortgage. He always said what he loved about us was that we made the choice to be together every day. I always took it as romantic. 

It's not like he didn't pay his fair share of the mortgage or utilities or groceries, it's just that he resisted formalizing it. It wasn't an issue before, or much of one, but now I was wondering and that's never a good place to be.

The day dragged and my bf never responded to my texts. I hoped he was just busy, but a gnawing feeling in my stomach kept re-emerging. Around 4 I left, the feeling that something was wrong was now too large to ignore.

And when I got home I realized the feeling was accurate. My boyfriend was there, sitting on the couch, seemingly waiting for me. He smiled wanly and asked me not to say anything until he was done.

He said he needed some time to think and not be with me. That while he recognized that people changed, he also knew who he was and my wanting him to top was not only disrespectful but ignored his needs and desires. 

I went to say something but he stopped me. 

He said he was going to stay with friends of ours in their spare bedroom for a while until he found a new place. In the meantime, he'd continue to pay his share of the mortgage and pro-rated utilities but that would end soon. He said he had moved most of his clothes and things into storage and that while he loved me, he didn't know me any longer.

And he hugged me and left. 

I watched him leave and sat in the living room for a while, just staring out the window. Eventually my stomach rumbled and I heated some leftovers, ate, then fell asleep on the couch, not wanting to go into the bedroom.

I got through the next couple of days on caffeine alone. My new clients’ accounts kept me busy during the day and into the evenings, but eventually I would have to go home. Every time I came home after work he’d taken a few more of his things. 

I was staring at a blank spot on the mantle when my work phone buzzed. It was one of my new clients, who apologized profusely for calling after hours, but had some changes they wanted made in their copy. She suggested a coffee place not too far from my office and a time that was reasonable in the morning. 

I sat down at my kitchen table and called up the copy on my laptop. The client didn’t go into detail, but I wanted to have some idea what they might suggest and have options ready. By the time I was done with my notes, it was late. I pulled some pasta out of the pantry and boiled it while I chopped some vegetables and garlic. 

I was still thinking about the client’s work through my meal and clean-up, so I didn’t notice that I was sitting on my bed, in the bedroom we used to share. I was shaken for a moment, then the tiredness hit and I slid back onto my pillows. Sleep took me quickly.

I woke up later than usual and had to quickly shower and get to the office to finish preparing. I headed out for the meeting and it wasn’t until I saw the bookstore that I realized that this was the cafe Cami worked at. My stomach dropped; I slowly walked up to the door and went in, trying to look around to see if Cami was there. I didn’t see them but did see the client, so settled in across from her and started the meeting. I ordered some tea so I wasn’t using their space without buying something.

Time flew. Her comments were good ones and she accepted my suggested changes with a minimum of drama. She was happy, I was happy, and I told her I’d get her the revisions in the morning, as I had another client meeting that afternoon.

But now I was hungry. I’d noticed a salad and sandwich place had moved in next door, so I packed my laptop and walked 50 feet to the restaurant. I was sitting in their covered patio, eating and idly scrolling through the news on my phone, when someone asked if I was using the other chair at my table.

I looked up from my phone. Standing in front of me was a smiling, blonde, muscled but lithe twink, floppy haired and wearing ripped denim and a cropped top tee that showed off the time spent in the gym. I was briefly speechless before nodding at him that the chair was available.

What surprised me was that he sat in the chair. I looked at him, confused. 

“You don’t recognize me, but I wanted to say hi and tell you I’m sorry.”

I looked at him blankly, I’m sure. He smiled that smile again.

“Oh, yes, well, right, I look a lot different. I’m Cam, I used to be Cami. And I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for coming on so strongly to you. You’re a good guy and I was wrong.”

He made a motion to get up but I waved him to sit down.

“Cam - Cami - Cam, no, sorry, I did not recognize you. Wow, you look amazing, not that you didn’t. But, wow. And no, you have nothing to apologize for. I ran. I ghosted you. I was scared. Sorry.”

He nodded and gracefully let me off the hook, saying he’d pushed too hard, but he hoped now that we’d run into each other, that I’d give him a second chance.

I told him I was pleased to see him and noted again that he looked very different from when we met before. 

“Yes, well, let's say that you weren’t the only man I scared away as Cami. It took me a while to realize that it wasn’t them, or you, it was me.”

I told him that was remarkably mature and must have been so difficult. I also felt a vibration from my phone, reminding me I had a meeting in half an hour. 

“Look, I have to go, it’s a work thing. But I’m glad we ran into each other Cam – Cam, yes,” I said as I stood up.

He likewise stood and looked at me before he responded. He seemed to hesitate, then spoke.

“Look, I know I came on too strong and that you’re in a relationship, but I’d love a second chance if you’d give me one.”

I smiled at him and told him that he wasn’t the only one whose life had changed and that I would love to learn more about his. I’m sure I was glancing at his abs and navel as I said that.

“How about tonight then?” He named a downtown restaurant and suggested we could meet there after work. Seeing no reason to decline, I told him I would message him when I was done.

This client meeting was more fraught than the previous one, but we eventually got through the client’s issues, which I thought were more performative than actual, but it's his money. I messaged Cam that I could meet him at the restaurant in half an hour. He responded with the thumbs up emoji and said he’d get a table. 

He’d changed into a tee with a manga/anime character on it and a hoodie, a different pair of denim, slightly less ripped than earlier. His navel kept peaking out of the bottom of his shirt, leading me to think that if I had those abs I would make sure it happened also.

We ordered our drinks and talked – he was almost done with college and was firming up his living situation for grad school and his internship. I kept my comments focused on work, trying to avoid talking about my presumably now ex-boyfriend.

We finished dinner and it had been a long, busy, emotional day.  I paid the bill and thanked him for a great night, one that I needed. He smiled and took my hand across the table.

“I’d like to see you again,” he said. “Actually I’d like to do more than that.”

I told him I wanted to see him again also. 

I ordered a rideshare and asked if he needed to be dropped off somewhere. He passed. We talked lightly until my ride came, then he kissed me on the lips before I got into the car.

I sank into the backseat of the rideshare and tried to make sense of the day, both professionally and personally. I was tired but I felt energized. One part of me in particular was very energized at the moment for the first time in a while.

Cami, no Cam, looked so good. And he seemed generally remorseful and turned down the opportunity to share a ride with me, which either suggested he wasn’t interested or he respected my space. We’d not covered my situation or the details as to how Cami became Cam, but that kiss at the end of the meal was amazing.

There was part of me that told me not to do this, but I pulled out my phone and texted him, telling him I had a good time at dinner and hoped to see him again.

The car was pulling up at my place before he responded.

“Don’t want to come between you and bf but I would also.”

“Long story but you aren’t”

“Oh?”

“Yes.”

My phone was ringing as I walked into the door. 

“Is that why you invited me to share a ride?”

I paused before responding. I was already aroused but hearing Cam’s voice sent me into overdrive.

“No – well, that’s probably not completely true but the offer was made in good faith,” I said.

He was silent on the other end for some time.

“So, we need to talk.”

I said I agreed but I was exhausted from the day, why don’t we meet on Saturday morning.

Another pause. “Yeah, that’s a good idea, I have an exam on Friday and I’ll … be ready to talk on Saturday.

“I’ve changed.”

“I noticed that,” I said.

“No, well, yes I look different but … there’s a lot to talk about and I want you to sub…go into this with your eyes open.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant but I was tired and might have misheard him, so I left it as it was.

“OK, Saturday morning,” I said, “Text me after your exam on Friday and we’ll set a time and place.”