Martin saw the scene from outside himself.
He saw Tommy clutching his cheek, fighting back tears as people crowded around him. The coach was there, standing between them. He said something to Martin and herded him up the hall away from the gym. All Martin could hear were the whispered words: kiss, punch, gay.
Coach put him on the bench outside the principal’s office and told him to wait.
He sat for a long time. His head and shoulders felt heavy, so he stared at the ground. Pairs of feet walked by: the clacky black shoes of the secretary going from her desk to the copier and back, and the runners of the coach as he left the principal’s office to attend the game. And then his mom arrived. She was wearing her black office shoes, so he knew she had been pulled away from work first thing on a Monday to deal with her delinquent son.
The principal invited them in.
It was a simple white-walled office. A metal desk sat in the centre and the boxy, stoic Mr. Kingsley sat behind it. Martin kept his eyes on the mug full of pens and pencils on the edge of the desk with the “how do you do, fellow kids?” meme on it while the principal filled his mom in on what had happened.
There wasn’t much of a conversation. They asked him to explain himself, and Martin said something about it being an argument that got out of hand, that he was sorry. Mr. Kingsley explained there was no wiggle room on the rules and he was being suspended. The fact it was the last week of school didn’t matter. Homework would be sent to him, he was still expected to sit exams next week, and he was not allowed to attend any school events for five days. So no Prom.
Martin nodded along and stared at the mug and waited for it to be over.
Finally, Mr. Kingsley shook his mom’s hand and Martin followed her out the door, through the atrium, and out to the parking lot.
She didn’t say anything until he had buckled his seatbelt.
“Do you want to stop for ice cream on the way home?”
He finally looked up, confused.
“Or maybe we should just go home and get you an ice pack. Is your hand ok?”
“My hand?”
He looked down and saw the pink bruise forming on his knuckles and it was like the connection rewired. He suddenly felt a rush of pain through his wrist as his hand throbbed.
The pain must have shown on his face because she started the car and said, “Let’s get that ice pack.”
Martin kept his eyes on his hand, running over every detail of the skin, but trying hard not to think about the reason it hurt. Flashes of Tommy’s face appeared in his mind and he struggled to breath. His chest felt constrained, like cold fingers were slowly squeezing his heart.
He glanced up at his mom. She looked like she always did while driving: calm, quiet, and focused on checking all her mirrors twice. She turned down onto the dead-end street where they lived.
“Aren’t you going to ask me about Tommy?” He said, his voice quiet.
“Do you want me to ask about Tommy?” She turned to him and the soft understanding look in her eyes made Martin want to cry.
He chewed his cheek and clenched his fist, which hurt, but he did not cry. He shook his head and said, “No.”
She just nodded and continued driving.
“Am I in trouble?”
“Do you want to be?”
His voice cracked, “Why are you acting like nothing happened?”
She pulled into the driveway and parked.
As the sound of the engine faded, she seemed to be thinking through her words, but Martin was done waiting and unbuckled his seatbelt.
Just as he reached for the handle the door locked.
Nora’s finger hovered on the lock button on her side and she said, still calm, “Just wait.”
Martin waited, but he stared at his feet.
“I’m not trying to act like nothing happened,” she explained, “But I’m not going to punish you. I think you punish yourself too much already.”
He looked up at her. She was looking at him the way she used to, when he was a little kid getting angry at himself for making a mistake.
“I know the past year, everything, has been hard on you. It’s a lot of change to deal with. And it’s your senior year. I thought letting you process the divorce at your own pace, do your own thing, was the right way to handle it. But I think maybe I pulled back too much.”
The grip on Martin’s heart loosened, but he still tried to keep the emotions off his face. He wasn’t going to let himself cry in front of his mom.
“I don’t know what happened between you and Tommy. And you don’t have to tell me. But life is…” she hesitated, looking for the right words. “Life doesn’t follow a plan. You know what I mean? Sometimes unexpected things happen.”
She smiled and then she unlocked the doors.
“But sometimes unexpected things are good.”
Martin hesitated, but then he got out of the car and went inside.
He skipped dinner. His mom knocked on his door and offered to bring a plate up but he just told her he wasn’t hungry. He felt like he didn’t deserve it, like he didn’t deserve anything. He’d been so desperate and scared of what Tommy made him feel that he’d exploded, and he hurt him. It almost didn’t matter to him that he’d fucked up Prom and basketball and being valedictorian. The shock on Tommy’s face was sitting with him, the image of it burned into his eyes.
He couldn’t risk looking at his phone, so he grabbed a random movie off the shelf and tried to lose himself in The Godfather.
Martin woke up when his mom went to work.
He got out of bed and finally changed out of his basketball uniform, burying the silver and black fabric at the bottom of his laundry hamper. He put on black sweatpants and a ratty white t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and emerged to scrounge for food.
The fridge had a plate of lasagna waiting for him.
He watched the plate as it rotated in the microwave, and then he devoured it while standing in the kitchen.
The house was silent.
Their neighbours were a young professional couple and their house was the last one on a dead-end street. No one drove past. Sometimes a jogging group would come by or a tweaker would shout something from the nearby trails.
Martin didn’t know what else to do so he put the second Godfather film on the living room TV and sank into the couch.
Michael Corleone was in Cuba and his brother had betrayed him when the doorbell rang. It was just after noon, probably a package delivery.
He stepped up to the door and opened it.
“Don’t you charge your fucking phone?” Elizabeth demanded.
She stepped inside before he could think to stop her.
“Sorry,” she said, “That was aggressive. But seriously, I deserve some kind of check in.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She crossed her arms and waited a moment before she asked, “Well?”
“Well what?”
“I’m not playing that game, Martin. Just tell me what happened.”
“It’s nothing. It was just a disagreement.”
She closed her eyes and took a breath. Then she dropped her arms and softened her voice, “Martin, I’m not a moron like Brittany Carson. I know the difference between a rumour that’s a lie and a rumour that’s true. Just tell me what happened.”
“What are people saying?”
“They’re saying you kissed!” She immediately lowered her voice and said again, “Sorry. I just… ugh… it’s been a weird day. There was this whole thing with my sister and it’s got me agitated, and then everyone starts asking me questions about my gay boyfriend and it’s just this dumb high school drama that–”
“I’m not gay,” he said, cutting her off.
Her face softened and she gave a sympathetic smile as she moved in for a hug.
As her arms wrapped around him, Martin struggled to understand what was happening. She wasn’t treating him like a cheating boyfriend, or a violent offender, or even like a neglectful texter. She was treating him like a little brother.
She pulled away from the hug but held his shoulders and stared into his soul as she said, “Yes you are.”
“No I’m not.”
“Martin, you’ve been fooling around with Tommy, right?”
The cold grip squeezed his heart and he tried to deny it, but she seemed to be a dozen steps ahead of every thought he had.
“Look, I’m not an expert in human sexuality by a long shot. But I’ve fucked up at least two relationships already, one of them with a girl, so I know some of the signs. You’re always looking at Tommy instead of me or any other girls–”
“No, it’s not–”
She put a finger over his mouth to stop him lying again and he let her talk.
“You guys have been sneaking off all the time,” she continued, “You never wanted us around. And while guys like Connor Davis are getting girls pregnant, you two were so respectful of Becka and I that we had to get you drunk at that bonfire to get you to make out with us the first time.”
She let go of him and he was too shocked to say anything. She continued, “I don’t know exactly what you are struggling with, but I know you aren’t being honest with yourself. So I’m dumping you.”
“You’re what?”
“Trust me, I’m doing you a favour. The sooner you figure out what you really want and stop lying to yourself, the better. You don’t like me, Martin.”
Martin felt numb and exposed, like she had painted his portrait and then beaten him over the head with it.
“I do like you,” he said quietly.
She raised an eyebrow.
“It’s true, though,” he continued, “even if I am… bi.”
His words hung in the air between them, but the cold grip on his heart slipped away. He’d never said it before, out loud, but it had been sitting there the whole time like an invisible chain around his neck.
She smiled and said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have defaulted to saying you were gay. It was very hypocritical.”
“Yeah,” he said, “You’re the worst.”
She punched his shoulder and pulled him in for another hug.
“I don’t know what happened with you and Tommy, by the way,” she whispered in his ear. “I heard you kissed and then you punched him. You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready, but whatever is eating at you… Don’t let it win.”
He knew what it was. He’d always know, but he hadn’t talked about it. Every time his mom brought it up he ignored her or changed the subject. Last summer they had talked to him about going to a therapist to work through it and he just ignored the subject until she stopped offering. He had avoided it with Tommy and never gave Elizabeth any details. Never inviting them over to the new house. He had lived in constant fear that the rumour would spread, but it turned out the adults in this town were much less prone to gossip about their relationships than their children, and no one had found out what happened last summer.
But he knew who he had to tell.
“Was Tommy at school today?” He asked.
Elizabeth shook her head, no.
But Martin knew where he would be.
The blacktop basketball court was the only part of the community centre that had been built before the funding ran out, so it was tucked away behind some trees, away from the main road. It was farther than the school, but it had been the main practice area for Tommy and Martin as they started their basketball journey.
When Martin had presented his plan for the perfect life, Tommy had jumped on board with both feet. He’d always been supportive of Martin’s plans, and going into their senior year this one had extra weight. They were going to maximize their high school experiences together, get girlfriends, lose their virginities at Prom, get accepted to a great school, and then go to university together to be roommates and get hazed by a fraternity at night while they wowed their professors during the day. They binge watched teen movies together like the Breakfast Club and the Dead Poets Society as they planned the year.
Martin had been so thankful to have a supportive friend. It meant he didn’t have to deal with his family drama.
He heard the basketball before he saw it.
It bounced hard, and the backboard rattled with a high-power shot. It was the sound of someone taking out their frustration.
Martin took a deep breath and stepped up to the edge of the court.
Tommy was sweating under the afternoon sun. His shirt was abandoned by a water bottle on the sidelines. He caught the ball off a rebound and turned to reset at the three point line, but he stopped when he saw Martin.
He had a dark bruise under his left eye and Martin’s heart skipped a beat when he saw what he had done, but he pushed through the shame and walked forward.
Tommy dribbled the ball once as he watched Martin approach. His lean muscles tense.
Martin stopped a meter away and struggled to find the right way to start, so he fell back on the classic, “Hey.”
“Hey.”
Tommy wasn’t giving any reaction, except to keep slowly bouncing the basketball from one hand to the other against the ground between his shoes.
“I’m sorry,” said Martin.
“Ok.”
“I got scared when you kissed me. There were so many people around.”
“So?”
“So I wasn’t ready to let people see that side of me.”
Tommy held the ball still. “That side of you?”
“Yeah.”
The silence between them was heavy.
Suddenly Tommy bounced the ball to Martin and he caught it against his chest.
“So do you have something to tell me?” Tommy asked, crossing his arms.
Martin nodded and took a deep breath and for the first time in his life he admitted out loud, “My dad is gay.”
Tommy was confused, “Wait, what?”
“He came out to my mom last year and they separated. That’s why we moved. My parents got divorced.”
“Wait, what? What the fuck? What about you?”
“Oh, I’m bi. Sorry, I should have started with that. I just, I decided to come over here and tell you everything and it was a long walk and, yeah. I’m bi, but my dad is gay.”
“Wait, ok, yeah, but, wait, what?” Tommy was looking around trying to piece everything together.
Total confusion was another new look for Tommy, and Martin had to admit it was very cute. He took another deep breath and finally let out everything he had been holding in, “I had started thinking I might be gay last year, before all the stuff happened with my parents. It was after that swimming pool trip we had when Darren Mills pulled down your swimsuit. Do you remember?”
“Yes, it was my swimsuit.”
“Yeah, of course, sorry, but yeah, that was when I started thinking I might like guys as well as girls. It was new, and confusing, and I was still figuring it out when my parents sat me down and said they were getting a divorce because my dad was gay. It just, I don’t know, it just hit me weird.”
Martin wasn’t sure if it was the feeling of being honest for the first time, or the fact he was alone with Tommy again, but he felt calm as he continued, “I never really had to deal with anything big like that before. Like, not just the gay dad thing obviously, but we had never even moved before. I grew up in that house. I’ve never had to go to a funeral, or spend much time in a hospital. I don’t know anyone in the army, or a refugee, or anything. My life was fucking simple!”
“But then it wasn’t,” said Tommy.
Martin nodded, “I just wanted to get that back, so I did what I always do and over-thought it and over-prepared and wrote up that plan. And then I roped you into it and I pushed you to join the basketball team and pick universities and get girlfriends and go to the Prom, and… I just wanted to feel normal.”
Martin dropped his eyes to the basketball in his hands. He was shocked when he saw a tear drip off his nose and hit the orange rubber. He held the ball against his hip with one hand and wiped his eyes. It had been years since he’d let himself cry.
Tommy’s steady expression finally broke and he took the ball from under Martin’s arm and threw it away towards his shirt. “Hey,” he said, stepping closer, “You are normal.”
Martin scoffed, but it was nice to hear. “Thanks,” he said. Without another option, he wiped his nose on the inside of his shirt.
Tommy sighed, “I’m sorry I kissed you in front of all those people. Even though I knew you were wrong and being stubborn, it wasn’t right to pressure you like that–”
Martin interrupted him with a kiss.
He slid his tongue across Tommy’s lips and held the back of his head with one hand while the other landed on Tommy’s sweaty waist.
They both felt the last bit of tension between them melt away. It turned out they could say a lot more to each other without words.
Tommy slipped his hands under the back of Martin’s shirt and pulled their bodies closer. They fit together again like no time had passed, like none of the chaos and conflict of the past week had happened. It was like they were back behind the gymnasium stands, seeing how close they could get.
Suddenly Tommy pulled away and asked, “So, wait, your dad is gay?!”
Martin laughed and nodded, still holding Tommy at the waist. “I don’t know why I let it bother me so much. I think it was just a shock.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Now my parents probably think I’m homophobic.”
“And you punched a gay kid.”
Martin winced and his eyes went to the bruise on Tommy’s cheek.
Tommy held his face in both hands as he said, “Hey, it’s ok, I forgive you.”
Martin saw a flash of Tommy’s face against his pillow from the last time they had sex. Martin whispered, “I’m sorry I ran away from you.”
Tommy shrugged, “That’s ok. I got caught up in the moment. Probably shouldn’t have let that slip out.”
“No, I’m glad you said it because…”
Tommy held his breath.
“I love you,” Martin said.
Tommy let the air out of his lungs in a slow, rattling breath and whispered, “Fuck, I didn’t realize how much I wanted to hear you say that.”
“Do you still…? You know?”
Tommy pulled Martin’s face in for another kiss, and then he parted their lips just enough to whisper, “I love you too, piglet.”
Martin had to laugh, and without meaning to, he snorted.
It broke them and they both fell against each other laughing, their foreheads together, hands on bare skin.
As their laughter settled, they hugged. They listened to each other breathing, and to the quiet wind through the trees, and the distant cicadas.
Martin was the first to pull away, but he kept his hands on Tommy’s naked waist, and his eyes on his smooth chest, as he asked, “So, do you maybe want to… practice?”
Tommy raised his chin with a finger to look in his eyes as he shook his head. “No,” he said, “I want you to fuck me.”
Martin chewed his lip and felt his cock throb. “My place?”
Tommy shook his head again and held Martin’s wrist. He pulled him along to the side of the court where the trees grew thick.
They didn’t go far. The basketball hoops and the parking lot were still in view, but around them were only trees and soft mossy dirt.
Martin looked around to make sure they were alone, but Tommy wasted no time and pulled Martin’s shirt up and off. He pressed their chests together as he kissed him again, eager and desperate, his hands sliding across Martin’s naked back.
Tommy’s kisses moved to Martin’s cheek and neck, and then he slid slowly further. He kissed his collarbone, his chest, his ribs, his abs as he sank to his knees on the forest floor. Martin stood still, letting Tommy take the lead with his electric touch.
Looking up at Martin, Tommy slipped his fingers into the waistband of Martin’s shorts and underwear and pulled them down enough for his hard cock to escape.
It had barely hit the air before Tommy wrapped his lips around it and sucked it deep inside his mouth.
It was warm and wet and Martin had to hold himself back from grabbing Tommy’s hair to pull him deeper.
But Tommy had other plans. He left as much spit on Martin’s cock as he could and then he pulled away and stripped his shorts and underwear off in one go, laying them out on a clear patch of dirt.
Standing there, naked except for his shoes, Tommy was the most beautiful boy Martin had ever seen.
Tommy took his hand again and pulled him down with him. He sat on his shorts and leaned back, pulling his legs up to his chest.
Martin had barely gotten to his knees when Tommy was pulling his cock in. He spat on his fingers and slicked Martin’s head before it made contact. He was focused, determined, and Martin followed his lead and pushed inside.
Tommy grunted as Martin’s head punched through his ring on a layer of sweat and spit. He focused on relaxing and nodded for Martin to continue.
Martin’s fingers dug into the dirt beside Tommy’s shoulders as he pushed inside.
They were both sweating, their naked skin shining in the light through the trees.
After a minute of careful pressure, Martin’s hips met Tommy’s legs, and they stared into each other’s eyes as they thought about all they had learned with each other, how they could communicate with just subtle movements, how they could read what the other was feeling just by the way they breathed, or gasped, or moaned.
Martin started to fuck. He pressed forward at just the right angle to make Tommy’s cock throb, and Tommy pushed his head back into the dirt and muttered, “Fuck.”
They were both desperate for it, to feel the release, and they looked in each other’s eyes and knew it would be fast. They would have plenty of time together for long, sensual fucks. Right now they needed to cum.
Martin lowered his chest to Tommy’s, pressed his elbows into the dirt, and wrapped his fingers around the back of Tommy’s shoulders.
Tommy reached behind Martin, wrapped his legs around him, and drew their faces together. He slid his tongue across Martin’s lip before diving in. He flexed his hips to fuck his cock against Martin’s stomach as Martin fucked him harder.
They clawed at each other, holding each other as tight as they could as they fucked closer and closer.
Everything else was gone. The trees, the basketball court, the school, their ex-girlfriends, and their families; their whole world was their naked bodies.
Martin felt Tommy’s muscles clench on his shaft as he thrust all the way in. Tommy whimpered into his mouth as warm cum exploded between them. Tommy’s cock throbbed and unloaded, sticking their chests together.
Martin pulled away from their kiss enough to see Tommy’s flushed, sweaty face, the watery cum on his naked stomach, and he fucked harder as the pleasure boiled up inside him. And then he came. He fucked and came. His cock throbbed again as he shot his load deep inside his beautiful, naked, boyfriend.
They were a mess of sweat and cum and dirt, and they had never felt better.
Martin collapsed on top of Tommy, burying his face in his neck. He breathed in his scent, kissed his neck, and licked his salty skin. Tommy giggled at the feeling, held him close, and said, “Do that again.”
THE END
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