Tommy had said it was fine, but was it really fine? The last thing he’d said was, “I’ll see you around,” but at the place where they ate lunch with the girls, it was just Elizabeth and Rebecca whispering about something from the theatre when Martin arrived. Tommy never showed up. And usually they would have done something right after school, but when the last bell rang Martin looked, but Tommy was gone.
Elizabeth snapped her fingers in front of Martin’s face and asked, “Hey, are you going to eat that?”
He brought himself back to Earth. Elizabeth was pointing at his burger. The plate in front of her was already empty.
They were in a corner booth at A&W for a dinner date. After school, when he couldn’t find Tommy, he had caught up with Elizabeth and told her he wanted to take her out on a surprise date. She’d looked elated.
Pointing at his burger, she looked bored.
“Yes, I mean, maybe,” he said and shrugged, “I’m sorry. There’s just a lot going on. You can have some if you’re still hungry.”
“What’s going on?”
He’d been fucking his best friend for one thing. It seemed crazy as he thought about it, sitting across from his girlfriend. How had he let it get so out of hand?
“Is it the stuff with Tommy?”
“What?” Martin’s heart pounded in his ears. How did she know? What did she know? He examined her face for signs of anger, but she just looked calm and composed, like always. She had her chin on her hand, her head tilted slightly, and her kind green eyes were patient, watching.
“All the studying.” She said, “You guys have both been obsessing over the SAT for weeks.”
“Oh, yeah,” Martin looked for something to hide his red face with and grabbed his burger. He took a bite that was too large and tried to chew as he said, “It’s that, yeah.”
Elizabeth put on a sarcastic look of disgust and said, “Don’t choke.”
Martin nodded and finished chewing. He put down the burger and drank his Pepsi before he tried again, “Yeah, the SAT is a lot to deal with.”
She leaned in and whispered, “It’s not really that important though.”
“Yes it is!”
One eyebrow went up.
He continued, “It’s a key step to getting into the right university. If Tommy and I don’t get to our first choice school it’ll be because someone scored higher.”
“You really believe that?”
“Of course! Lots of people have extracurriculars and grades, so it’s the test scores that make the difference with these places. They have so many applicants they have to just run them through a machine and they take the top scorers.”
“But if you ended up at a backup school that would be ok too.”
Martin shook his head, “No, because then we might not get the same school. Or we won’t get into the same programs, and that messes up the degree qualifications that we’ll need to get into the right careers.”
“But you don’t even know what you want your career to be.”
“Well… yeah, but that doesn’t matter. It’s all the same once you get to that point. But we need to get there first. That’s the plan, anyway.”
“Right, ‘the plan’ you have,” she threw up some air quotes to accentuate her cynicism. They had not talked much about Martin’s notebook, but she knew it existed. “When do I get to see this amazing plan, huh?”
Martin’s brain shot to all the charts and lists tracking how many times he and Elizabeth had made out, or how many times he and Tommy had made out.
“It’s not, uh,” he stumbled over his thoughts, “I mean, it’s not meant to be shared.”
“Has Tommy seen it?”
“Uh, kinda.”
She took his Pepsi and took a long, thoughtful sip through his straw. He felt her eyes penetrating his skull. He knew she wasn’t psychic, but he never felt like he could be 100% sure.
“So what does this plan say about me?”
“What? Nothing.”
She huffed and put the drink down, “I’m not in the super-detailed plan for your future?”
“What? No, I don’t mean– I mean, yes, you are in the plan. I mean, I’m not deciding anything for you in the plan, like, I’m considering you in it, of course, but I’m not assuming you’re going to do anything.”
She waited for him to finish blabbering, and then she said, “Well, if you end up wanting to involve me in your future, or if you want some advice, I’m available.” She added with friendly emphasis, “No pressure! I’m not one of those clingy idiots like Brittany Carson.”
Martin chuckled and felt better. Elizabeth was easily the most relaxed girl in their grade. It was one of the things that attracted him in the first place. It was comforting to know that even as he had been acting weird and evasive she wasn’t concerned. He felt lucky to have her. And then a little guilty that he had been skipping their time together to be with Tommy.
Elizabeth’s phone buzzed. She ignored it, but then it buzzed again. She flipped it over and saw Rebecca’s face and name on the screen.
“Why isn’t she just texting?” Elizabeth asked. She slid to accept and put the phone to her ear, “Hey, Becka, what’s– what?”
Elizabeth’s eyes went to Martin. She looked surprised.
He mouthed silently, What?
Elizabeth put her hand over the phone and whispered, “Tommy dumped her.”
For the next few minutes Martin nibbled at his burger while Elizabeth consoled Rebecca. He tried to keep his eyes down because every time she said, “No, I had no idea,” he knew she was looking at him.
What was Tommy doing? Everything had been building up to Prom night. Their tuxedo rentals were booked, they had ordered corsages, and even picked out the condoms they were going to use. Martin had it waiting in his desk drawer next to his notebook. But suddenly, two weeks before the big night, he blows it all up and dumps Rebecca? Was he going to find a new girlfriend in time? Did he already have another girlfriend? Martin’s stomach clenched at the thought although he wasn’t sure why.
“Yeah, I’m coming over, don’t worry,” Elizabeth said into the phone, “Yeah I’ll pick up the ice cream first… yes, chocolate peanut butter… well if they don’t have it I’ll get one of the other ones… but not strawberry, I gotcha. Ok. See you soon? Ok. Bye? Bye.”
She hung up and sighed.
The silence between them went on so long that Martin finally had to look up.
“So?” She asked.
“So?”
She waited, but he didn’t follow it up so she gave him an impatient eyeroll and asked it straight, “So, do you know why Tommy dumped her?”
Martin opened his mouth to answer, but no words came. None of the thoughts he’d had made sense, so he shook his head and shrugged.
Elizabeth sighed and rolled her head back across her shoulders. “Well then,” she said, putting both hands on the table and standing up, “I guess I’ve got my evening booked. Sorry to eat and run, piglet.” She leaned over the table and pecked Martin on the cheek with a kiss.
She smiled at him and said, “Maybe you can find out from Tommy what happened?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said slowly.
“You ok walking?” She asked.
He forced a smile and nodded. She held his eyes for a moment and then gave him a wink and another quick kiss and walked out the door to her car.
Martin stared at Tommy’s name on his phone for a while before he finally texted, Hey, you at home?
The dots appeared almost immediately and the reply came, Yeah, what’s up?
You dumped Rebecca??
A pause. Dot dot dot. Dot dot dot. He was typing for a while. Was he going to deny it or something? Did he have a whole big excuse to type out? Martin’s mind raced down the rabbit hole of possibilities. Maybe he’d been wrong about everything the past few days and Tommy was dealing with something else? Was he sick? Did he break up with Rebecca so he didn’t have to face her when he was dying in hospital?
Finally Tommy wrote back, Yeah.
“Yeah?” Martin watched the dots appear again, but Tommy’s next message came fast, Wanna come over?
Tommy’s house was a ten minute walk on the other side of the hill, but Martin was able to jog there in less than five. He slowed down as he approached the driveway and tried to catch his breath. His mom’s car wasn’t parked in the driveway and the only light on was Tommy’s room at the top right window. He approached the door and knocked.
In the five minutes it took to run there, Martin’s mind had cycled through dozens more possible explanations for the breakup and he was worried that one of the darker ones would be true. He braced himself for Tommy to open the door hooked up to a ventilator, but when it finally opened Tommy was just wearing shorts and a loose orange tank top that gave his skin a warm glow.
Tommy was smiling again like he always used to. It was like nothing weird had happened and there was no tension at all as he waved Martin inside and asked, “Want a drink? My mom said I could have the beer in the fridge. You want one?”
Martin shrugged and nodded and Tommy bounded up the stairs.
In the kitchen, Tommy pulled out two cans of light beer and cracked the seals. He handed one to Martin and took a deep swig of his own.
Martin drank and then finally got the question out, “So what happened?”
“What?”
“Rebecca?”
“Oh, well, we weren’t really a great match,” Tommy took another drink and then continued, “So it didn’t feel fair to keep going along just for Prom, you know? I didn’t want to be the asshole who just has sex with her and breaks up.”
Martin thought about it and sipped his beer. It seemed reasonable.
“But anyway, since you’re here, you should take that box of condoms. You’ll have more use for it than me, huh?”
“Oh,” said Martin, “Yeah, that makes sense.”
Tommy bumped his shoulder and drank his beer as he passed Martin to head to his room. Martin drank and followed.
In Tommy’s room, Martin had a flashback to their first experience with condoms and he felt his heart beat faster. It had been intense, so it was reasonable for the memory to trigger some adrenaline. It didn’t mean anything.
Tommy had his back to Martin, digging through his messy desk drawer for the box hidden at the back.
The beer was starting to loosen Martin’s lips, so he finally asked, “So are we cool?”
Tommy looked up, confused, “What?”
Martin shrugged and said, “I just mean it’s felt a bit awkward since this morning. I didn’t see you at lunch.”
“Dude, don’t worry about it. I was just figuring out how I wanted to tell Rebecca, so I skipped lunch.”
“That was why you wanted to go to the equipment room instead?”
“Yeah, exactly.” Tommy pulled out the box of condoms and shut the drawer.
“And Hamlet?”
Tommy stopped, “Hamlet?”
“The bit about apologising and me calling it madness and stuff.”
Tommy just looked confused.
Martin continued, “I thought you were taking another meaning from the lines in the play, like when I said I was afflicted with madness and… stuff.”
“Honestly,” said Tommy as he stepped closer, “I didn’t understand anything in that play. I just read the words. Did you think I was bothered by it?”
Tommy looked incredibly confused and Martin had to laugh. Of course no one else saw it that way. No one else over-thought as much as Martin did. It was like a really shitty superpower. Martin shook his head, smiled at his own stupidity and said, “I’m sorry.”
“For killing my dad and poisoning me? Sure, yeah, that was rude.”
Martin laughed, “No, for getting weird. I just– when you didn’t react and walked away after class I started over thinking things.”
“You do that a lot.” Tommy smiled and handed over the box of condoms.
Their hands touched briefly as Martin took it.
“I can still help you practice, you know. If you want.”
Martin looked down at the almost-full box of condoms in his hand and back to Tommy.
“So it’s just practice?” Martin asked quietly.
Tommy smiled, “Yeah, of course. Can’t expect you to get through all these condoms with Elizabeth if you don’t know what you’re doing, right?”
“Right, yeah.” Martin felt himself over-thinking again and tried to push the thoughts away. Tommy was his usual, carefree self again, so it seemed like he was telling the truth. He’d just had a lot on his mind during English and Martin’s imagination had run away from him. It happened all the time, so it made sense. Tommy had just been enthusiastic to practice at lunch because he was avoiding Rebecca.
Tommy raised his beer to cheers and Martin knocked the cans together. They watched each other as they started to drink and it quickly became another competition. Tommy finished first, of course.
Martin coughed as he emptied his beer and Tommy smirked. He took their empty cans and put them down on his desk, and then he took off his shirt. He dropped his shorts and underwear to the floor, stepped forward naked, and pressed their lips together.
The rush of chugging a beer and the sudden heat of Tommy’s warm body against his made Martin’s head spin, but Tommy’s hands slid under his shirt and around his back and he couldn’t focus on anything long enough to overthink it. Tommy’s delicate touches were hypnotic as he pulled Martin’s shirt off and then pressed their naked chests together to continue the kiss.
Martin felt himself falling back on Tommy’s bed and then rolling over as Tommy pulled him on top and wrapped his bare legs around him, grinding their hard cocks together through Martin’s shorts.
Martin’s hair fell around their faces, blocking out the bedroom light, helping them disappear into each other’s touch.
The cool air on his back, the heat rising up from Tommy below, his lips, their tongues, the caress of their bare legs, and the crisp smell of the bed sheets below filled every corner of Martin’s attention. The voices in his mind went quiet.
Tommy’s hands slid down his bare back and into the waistband of his shorts and underwear. They kept kissing as Tommy pushed them down, freeing Martin’s throbbing cock, and then he used his feet to push them down all the way. Martin broke their kiss and had to gasp at Tommy’s efficiency as his shorts reached his ankles and Tommy wrapped his legs back around him, pulling him tight, pressing their naked cocks together.
From beneath his pillow Tommy pulled out their little bottle of lube. It was almost empty after all they had used. They both watched as he poured a little on his hand and tossed the bottle aside, and then he reached between them and wrapped his wet fingers around Martin’s erection.
Martin gasped again. Tommy pulled his own legs up to his chest and drew Martin’s cock toward his hole.
As the head slipped inside a worry managed to break through and Martin asked, “Is that enough lube?”
Tommy chuckled and said, “I prepped before you got here.”
His cock slid inside and they both moaned. Tommy pressed his heels into Martin’s ass and before he knew it he was completely inside Tommy’s warm embrace.
“Oh fuck,” Martin whispered.
“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t do it that fast with Elizabeth,” Tommy grinned and winked, “She won’t be a pro like me yet.”
The muscles wrapped around Martin’s cock throbbed and he held still as the wave of pleasure nearly overwhelmed him. He looked into Tommy’s blue eyes and saw a light of pleasure in what they were doing.
“You never asked me to be the girl,” said Martin.
Tommy shrugged, “It’s ok. I don’t need to practice for Rebecca anymore.”
“But what about your next girlfriend?”
Tommy glanced away and shrugged again, “I’ll practice when I need to.” Then he grinned and looked back at Martin, “You can teach me what you’ve learned. You’re already a really good kisser.”
Tommy wrapped his arms around Martin’s back and raised up for another kiss, licking across Martin’s lips and pulling him down with him, one hand on the back of his head, fingers combing through his long hair.
There was a new power in how Tommy was moving. He was hungrier, more eager. He pulled Martin into him like he was trying to swallow him whole. His legs were tighter, holding Martin as deep inside as possible and only letting him pull halfway out before he drew him back. Their tongues reached out, but Tommy’s reached deeper. His grip on the back of Martin’s head, his arm around Martin’s back, kept their bodies in constant contact. The sweat on their chests mixed. Tommy’s cock thrust against Martin’s stomach.
They weren’t slow, but they took their time. Rapid tiny fucks kept them both edging closer, but neither of them broke through to cum. They had learned how good it felt to last longer. All their practice had taught them to listen to each other’s bodies, and Martin slowed his fucks when he felt Tommy nearly climax.
The grip on Martin’s hair loosened and their lips parted. Tommy’s blue eyes searched Martin’s face and he asked, “Did you want to try a different position?”
Martin had trouble finding his voice, but he shook his head ‘no’. He tried to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay, but they were too strong. His mind was flooding with fear and confusion as he tried to conjure up Elizabeth’s face, but he couldn’t. He tried to imagine what it was going to be like having sex with her, but he couldn’t. All he could see was Tommy.
“Hey,” said Tommy quietly. He held Martin’s head in his hands and made him meet his eyes, “It’s ok. You’re ok.”
“I think… I don’t know if–” Martin struggled to speak but Tommy silenced him with a kiss.
“Don’t think.”
Tommy’s eyes were wet and he held Martin tight. He looked beautiful.
Martin’s cock throbbed inside his friend and he moaned. It was a guttural sound of quiet desperation and confusion, but also of pleasure. He couldn’t silence the fears completely, but as he watched Tommy’s eyes and started to fuck him again, he was able to focus on the pleasure he saw. He was making his friend feel good, and that felt good.
He fucked deeper and the rising wave of pleasure swept away some of his fear, some of his confusion. He fucked, and Tommy’s moans swept away more.
Their eyes were locked and Tommy chewed on his lip like he was holding back his own wave of fear. Martin had never seen that before. Tommy was his rock, but at that moment Martin saw that he was Tommy’s rock too. They were in this stormy sea together.
“I’m getting close,” Martin whispered.
Tommy nodded ‘yes’ and held him tighter.
Martin fucked harder. A tear left the outside corner of Tommy’s eye as he squeezed them shut and dug his head back into the pillow, biting his lip harder.
Martin fucked, and deep inside him his cum rose up. He rode the wave of pleasure as he pressed as deep in Tommy as he could and the crest hit. He came.
Tommy opened his eyes and released his lip and the words spilled out, “I love you.”
Heart pounding, Martin’s cock throbbed as his cum exploded inside. He felt deaf, mute, blind. The wave crashed over them and swallowed them whole. What had Tommy said? He loved him? They were fucking– they were practicing. It was supposed to just be practice. It couldn’t be–
Martin pulled away.
He stumbled back and off the bed, cum and sweat dripping off him.
He couldn’t stop thinking. The voices and fears that had washed away charged back, trampling him, racing through his heart and crushing his lungs. He felt compressed, lost, confused.
Martin grabbed his shorts from the ground and desperately pulled them on. He found his shirt and didn’t pause to put it on as he went for the door.
Tommy said something, but he couldn’t hear. He couldn’t hear anything but his heart beat pounding in his ears.
Somewhere between the bedroom and the front door he put on his shirt. Then he picked up his shoes, and he ran.
