Prologue
Some say fate is what brings people together. When in reality, indeed hate is that disgusting, disgraceful word that brought me thus far.
****
So it all started in the first few months in uni, fresh out of highschool. At first I was barely noticed by anyone, let alone females. Truth be told, I didn't care. I couldn't care, my grades were everything. They foreshadow my future, that's all I needed to worry about. I had no time to alternate between my future career and college drama. Don't get me wrong i love communication, but college had mattered more to me than anything. At the time at least.
I was heavy on my books this year ‘round. Foreign language classes, mathematics Pre-calculus and many other stress inducing classes. I was doing just fine rowing my own boat down to adulthood. Then, came along payton. A much older senior. He’d repeated 12th grade nearly 4 times. I'd remembered him from middle school but was reminded of him after seeing him once or twice as a junior in high school. For years I'd seen ladies and men levitate towards him. I'd even catch teachers examining his brawny muscular abdominals through his shirt. Though he was a slacker, which I personally thought took attractiveness from a man, he still had both boys and girls on each side of him at every second of the day. Answering nearly on their hands and knees to his cries.
I'd never even caught a glimpse of him after our fall out besides the few times he'd walk past us and call us juniors ‘little ass kids’. I couldn't lie, I was agitated by his constant non directed remarks and replies. But I made sure to keep quiet.
I was never one to front about being muscular. Due to the fact that I didn't need to worry about working out. I was genetically blessed with high metabolism. I couldn't gain a pound. But as skinny as I was, my face did kinda make up for it. Back when I was in 10th grade and cared about peoples opinions I'd heard around that I was one of the fairly hotter dudes. I couldn't lie, I frequently enjoyed the compliments. Every last one. Then I reached college and came to the realization everyone had reached their peak by then. There were no more flat-chested, frail, or even chunky girls and boys anymore. Everyone grew what they lacked from the 12th grade. I was lucky enough to be the only real, redhead in 80% of my classes. That's all I can say made me different from everyone else.
Me and Payton were not really alike. We both were really tall. Other than that I can't say we had much in common. He was tan and smooth , while I was pale and freckled. He also stands at 6’’3, while I was 6' 1. I would estimate he’s 190 something pounds just from first glance. I
was a little under 180. He had curly hair that slithered over his eyes. I had orange straight hair in a military cut. His lips were a dark shade of pink, mine red. His nose was narrow. it had a shine and so did his cheekbones. My nose was skinny and also had a shine. But his glimmer caught whoever's attention whenever they looked for too long. No matter where I saw him, Pep rallies, school meetings, school bonfires his nails were always painted black, And as always he had two of his other popular friends clinging to his sides like two little squirrel monkeys. They all wore jerseys and varsity jackets which oldy repped the fact that they were on the college's rugby team.
His friends' names were very typical, they fit the ‘jock’ stereotype. Jake and Chris. They both were in their sophomore year and 20 going on 21. When I first started high school back then the two were up my ass every day. Then came senior year. They both met Payton and went from calling him a lazy slacker behind his back to clinging onto him up till college. Not only that but then head on avoiding me with no remorse. Soon they seamlessly migrated towards him, as everyone else did, desperate for a popular standing in uni. I hadn't cared for so long, I'd forgotten we became friends to begin with. Months after I started signing up for colleges I'd also begun being bullied by my old friends and payton, some rando they began dick riding, clinging, and holding onto out of nowhere. Sometimes I question how dumb asses like them managed to make it into a college with such a high name? I need no explanation for anything else regarding this middle school going on college bull shit. But without further or do this is chapter one of Love hate.
“Lenny!” Bang!Bang!Bang! Three solid knocks on the lockers. “Lenny!! Don't make me come and get your skinny ass!” Shit, I say to myself just now hearing the warning from the loud ass mouth of Payton. I begin to panic, throwing myself into the nearest classroom. Tossing through the class and hiding in the back of the room. “Lenny! You can't hide forever– wake up!”
Wake up? I think. Wake up?!? “Shut off your alarm dumb ass!” I shoot into reality waking from my lucid Sweat drenching dream. I inhale deeply, barely able to breathe. “What?” I say rubbing my eyeball idly looking back and forth at the time and my dorm mate Ella. “Jesus, you look like a mess. How long were you up last night, Damn.” Great more shit. “Ugch,” I scoff, rolling over to my side. “Turn off your alarm!” She says patting me as I slowly drift back into slumber. “Ok, fine. Miss it. Don't complain when you wake at 12:00, hella angry.” I roll on my back. “What alarm.” I say flipping towards her completely. She scoffs. “Are you fucking serious? It's so loud!” I sigh in the most exasperated way. I sit up, immediately welcomed by the loud blaring of an alarm. The repetitive beeping itched my eardrums. Sending a ringing in my ear. I began patting around the sheets. Driven by the Infuriating noise. My hand finds its way to my phone, cutting off the alarm nimbly.
Me? sleep through my alarm? I'd never done it before. That was odd. I don't miss classes.
Besides waking up late I still made it to my 2nd period class. I was able to find my seat in the front where I believe someone like me belonged. I mean they couldn't necessarily kick me out for being late. Just seconds into class the soft sound tickles my spine.“Psst..psst.” Trying to find the direction of the call I turned back, blocking out the professors wedding arrangements no one asked for. My eyes glide around the room landing on Paytons hungry eyes. “Did you dream of me last night?” He whispers softly but laughs loudly after, defeating the purpose of being quiet to begin with. I look behind him, two laughing jerks. Both Jake and Chris were laughing up a storm. I ignore his interpose, facing back to the male teacher and brushing off his desperate attempt for attention. “So you did?” He whispers. Chortling while Dumb and dumber snicker in the back. I faced the professor, without a singular response. Keeping a balanced amount of concentration on the teacher and his voice. But payton continues to continue speaking out of turn, slowly raising his voice louder. “Payton do we have an issue?” He asks, fixing his posture in his seat to face Payton. Jesus, he was gonna drag me so deep in the mud. “Yes Sir, im tryna tell len here,” He pauses pointing at me. “That he dropped his pencil, and now he's threatening me.” “Lenny, what are you in 1st grade? Why can't you just say thanks?”
Dumb and dumber say coming to his defense. As if he needed it. He flirted with every teacher, turning everyone against me. “Lenny, just pick up your damn pencil so I can continue.” “I didnt drop a pencil.” I say, unsettled fury in my tone. “Watch your tone.” He says thick with disappointment in hisr voice. “ I- didn't mean to. Sorry.” I say hesitantly. “Just stay quiet.” he warns.
*******
“I gotta work tonight, ill see you in the dorms in the morning.” I say, taking another puff of the cigarette. “I know.”. My dormmate responds. “Well,.... Have a good time at work? If that's even
what I'm supposed to say.`` She chuckled patting my shoulder showing how much she really didn't care. “Nice to know I can't rely on you for anything, I mean you can't even make an excuse for me.” I say shrugging her hand off of my shoulder. “Oh, grow the fuck up, serve out your shift and get over it. I'm heading to the dorms. See you there, Len.” She says, “Oh! I’ll text you dinner plans later too.” she adds before exiting the exit. After finishing my cigarette I drop it and stomp it out. I was about ready to go when Interrupted in my tracks, there payton was a big grin on his face. Like he did the whole fiasco just for the hell of it, Just for my attention. But I wouldn't let him, I just wouldn't. I thoroughly avoided eye contact. Stepping out the exit. Making sure not to do so much as to breathe in a funny manner that not only made him think I was so much as bothered by his silent crying pleas for attention but so much as to indicate I'd taken him accountable for what happened earlier, although it was his fault, and for such a petty reason.
I couldn't quite get it in my skull why he’d done so much to me for months. We haven't spoken not once before he began nit-picking at me with dumb and dumber in the back. But truth be told, I had not an ounce of care in the world for this kinda dumb shit he pulled. So why was I thinking about this now? Why not in High School?
As I left campus, Payton followed. So very obvious. “Hey Lenny.” He walks closely behind me.
“Are you going to work? I can drive you. I have a truck on campus.” I keep walking, hands in the pocket of my jeans, ignoring him.
“I’m talking to you, you know.” He says. No reply. “ I said, I'm talking to you.” I clear my throat, still walking down the sidewalk.
Suddenly after another few feet he grabs me by my wrist. Pulling me under a tree not too far off campus.
Causing me to react. Fighting back at him, Pushing, shoving, slapping, punching, why he wouldn't budge confused me. He just continued to drag me under the shade of the tree. What was he going to do murder me? Eventually the tall fella stumbles back, recovering from it fastly, he pulls me by the shirt to the ground, wrestling me until he’s straddled me to the floor completely. His breathing was now heavy. “What the fuck is your problem,” I say staring him in the eyes. He gasps, almost as though there was a never shared moment of joy in his surprised sound. “Fuckin’ finally. You speak to me.” I groan, shoving him on his back towering over him flawlessly. “Get off of me, I just want to talk.” He says so, calmly.
As a trigger response hits me I begin wailing on his dumb face, throwing cheap shots at him, he covers his face to restrict each blow. Realizing how pointless my hits were I eventually
stopped, stumbling back. What did I just now do? He sits up. Confusion in his expression, but a dumb laugh escapes his lips as though that was the response he’d wanted. “Look, i wasnt gonna fuck you up!” He raises his hands in the air.
I looked at what I managed to hurt on him, his bruised eye. “I- don’t believe you,” I say on my knees inching closer to see if I'd fractured anything on his face. Still out of breath, He lets out a dry cough touching his very own bruised eyelid, wincing as he poked at the dark purple evidence that indeed said i’d fucked him up, bad. “Why the fuck did you jump at me like that then? I thought you wanted to fight!” “I just had something to say, you wouldn't listen to me, let alone, Look at me.” “What was so damn important you’d jump me for it.” “I don't know. We never get to talk about shit.” He hesitates. “And for a while I've been meaning to tell you. I just wanna speak in private.” I frown. “Dude this is as much privacy as you will receive just tell me what the fuck you want, i have work to get to.” He scoffs as if he’s pissed with me. “I don't know I like you, I guess..” I roll my eyes and jump to my feet. Letting out a laugh. “Sure, sure. And you just picking on me all these years was a sign. I gotta go to work man, I don't care about this shit.”
I swipe dirt from my shirt and knees, “To get your attention. That's why, Len. That way we’d have to talk to each other.” “Yeah, okay. The one who rejected all those years back wants me, sure.” “Yes. exactly!” he blurts out.
"Youve got to be joking with me." Why am I still standing here? “I'm not!” He says objectively. I was battling against myself to abandon the prick. But I was still in need of a punchline to this sick joke. “What, so like a friend?” I ask sarcastically, trying to reassure the tense built situation. “No, more than that.” He says firmly. “You can't just skip the whole you being an asshole thing. Dipshit. You're lying.” "Don’t fucking call me that, im trying to be genuine. Why lie now? You just attacked me." he responds, bobbing his head at me. I attacked him? Really? “Yes the fuck you are.” I say running my fingers through my military cut. "No I'm not.” He replies, his lips curling into a grin. I rolled my eyes. “I don't believe you.” I say as I take my eyes off the mess I had done to his eye. “No, I swear it to you I'm not joking” I look at him, my expression serious. “I'll kiss you right now to prove it.” Payton says it with a straight face. “In public? What the fucks wrong with you? You wouldn't dare go as far as kissing me to get under my skin, plus you're not even gay, not even bisexual. For fucksake not even bi-curious.” “You're right, I wouldn't go that far if it was a joke, but I really do like you, I never tell anybody about these things, whole heartedly. Because I am gay. Seriously.”
I roll my eyes. “Thanks for the come out story. Anyone can say that,” I say, looking away from him. “I'm going to work dude, I'm not getting fired for you.” “That's it? You won't at least let me kiss you?” He quickly retorts tugging at the bottom of my shirt like some needy kid. “Fuck you.” I swatted his hand.
Without another word I just stormed off. “Len! Lenny. Please.” His annoying voice dies down after trying to get my attention.
After clocking in extremely late I did my full 8 hour shift, angry but also confused. Payton was such a tease. He’s the reason we broke it off those years ago, so why come crawling back now?.
Ello Gaydemon~ stay tuned for next chapter
