“Those who live in glass houses, should not throw stones”. There may be several interpretations to this old saying, but I have always taken this quote to mean that one shouldn’t judge other people. This is especially true, if you also have a secret that others may judge you by.
I looked at the screen of my phone as it began to ring. It was an unknown number, the area code was from McAlester, Oklahoma, the town I spent the first 18 years of my life. Over the last 20 years, the only time I returned, was to visit my father a few times every year.
I answered the call, “hello, this is Devin Taylor.”
The voice responded, “Mr. Taylor, this Maggie Hansen. I am a nurse with the McAlester Regional Health Center. I am sorry, but I need to tell you that your father, David, was just brought in by ambulance. He appears to have suffered a heart attack, you were listed as his emergency contact.”
My heart sank, “is he…”
She jumped in, “he is alive, but in very critical condition, he is being scheduled for bypass surgery.”
My mind raced, I said, “it will take me about five and half hours to get there, will that be too late?”
She said, “we have your father stabilized, the cardiologist is enroute to the hospital right now. The surgery will take about 3 to 4 hours, so you have time.”
I said, “thank you for calling, I’ll be leaving right away.” I ended the call.
I moved to Houston Texas right after I graduated from high school to attend the University of Houston. I stayed when I got a job as a reporter for the Houston Chronicle after I graduated from college. Even though I no longer work for the Chronicle, I still like living in Houston.
I made a couple of phone calls to let some people know where to reach me and threw some clothes in a bag and started my 400-mile trip home. The guilt hit me as I got out of the city, I had tried to get dad to move to Houston at least 100 times over the last 20 years, he had nothing keeping him in McAlester, I should have tried harder. I also felt guilty for leaving him there alone, especially since his only brother retired last year and moved to Pheonix.
I have always been close to my dad, hell, I had to be, we were all that each other had. My mom died giving birth to my sister, my sister was 6 weeks premature and only lived two days. So, at two years old, it was just me and dad, and he always blamed himself for talking my mom into having a second child. When I was old enough to understand, my uncle told me that it was actually my mom that wanted a second child, she was the one who convinced my dad to have my sister. She knew as well as my dad did, that her pregnancy would be high risk, mom had a hard time when I was born. The doctor told her she should not risk a second child, but they decided they wanted me to have a sibling. My uncle and I always tried to comfort dad whenever he got into one his “it’s all my fault” moods.
To be honest, I never really missed my mom or sister, how can you miss something you don’t remember. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have my mom and sister around as I grew up, but my dad did his best to give me a good life, and he did. The only memory that I had of my mother was the family picture that still hangs on the living room wall. It was taken just before she found out she was pregnant with my sister. I spent the rest of the drive with that picture running through my mind.
I arrived at the hospital about an hour after they had finished my father’s operation. The nurse, Maggie, greeted me as I walked into the ICU area.
She said, “you made it here a little faster than you said you would.”
I nodded, “yeah, I was kind of preoccupied and might not have been paying the closest attention to the speed limit.”
She smiled, “well, your father’s surgery went well, he is still asleep but is resting comfortably. The cardiologist will be making his rounds in an hour and can fill you in on the details.”
I asked, “can I see my dad?”
She nodded, “yes, we allow one family member at a time to stay with him, you can sit with him until the doctor comes in.”
I sighed, “thank you.” She led me into my dad’s room, shit, he looked awful, he was so pale, and he looked about ten years older than the last time I saw him. I sat next to dad and took his hand as Maggie left us alone. A few minutes later, she came back with a cup of coffee for me.
She smiled, “I hope you take it black, there wasn’t any creamer or sugar at the nurses station.”
I smiled, “black is fine, thank you so much.”
I called my uncle to let him know what was going on, and I called a few of my friends back in Houston to tell them I would be out of town for a while. My uncle was going to fly in as soon as he could, he texted me back later, he had a flight in the morning. I looked at dad’s hand, it was rough and callused from the 40 years he has worked as a machinist, just to take care of me. I smiled as the song, “That’s my Job” started playing in my head. It was sung by Conway Twitty, a big country star from the 60’s, 70’s and into the 80’s, dad was one of his biggest fans. The song talks about a little boy being afraid, and his dad assures him that he will look out for him, because that’s his job. At the end of the song, the son ends up taking care of his dad, because that has now become his job. (If you have never heard the song, I encourage you to check it out on YouTube.) I had heard that song many times growing up, but I now fully understood the lyrics.
I was startled when dad squeezed my hand, he croaked out, “Devin, what the hell are you doing here?”
I said, “where else would I be, you just had a heart attack. You scared the hell out of me.”
He sighed, “I guess that’s why I feel like shit right now.”
Maggie came in and started taking dad’s vitals, she said “Hi Dave, it’s good to see you awake.”
Dad asked, “who the hell are you.”
I chuckled, “she’s a nurse dad, she has been taking care of you all day.”
He closed his eyes, “oh, thanks.”
She said, the doctor is down the hall, he will be in to talk to you in a few minutes.”
As promised, the doctor walked in looking at dad’s chart, he said, “hi David, I’m Dr, Martin, how are you feeling.”
Dad opened his eyes, “like you used a jackhammer on my chest.”
He chuckled, “I know, I’m sorry about that, and you will feel like that for a couple of days, I promise you, it will get better.”
Dr. Martin filled us in on what he did and what to expect for the next few days, weeks and months. He gave dad a good prognosis, based on how the operation went. When the Dr. left, I could see that dad was tired, and Maggie said that he should get some rest. Dad said, “yeah Devin, you should go home and let me sleep.”
I asked, “are you sure?”
Maggie said, “you’ve had a long day too, Devin, we will call you if anything changes, your dad is out of danger for the night.”
I drove through Wendy’s on my way back to dad’s house. As I walked to the front door, I realized I had forgotten the key that dad had given me, back in Houston. I chuckled as I tried the knob and the door opened, of course dad didn’t keep his door locked, I could never do that in Houston. I sat on the couch and used the TV Tray sitting there to eat, while I watched the news. I was sure dad had used that tray last night when he ate his dinner. I took a quick shower and took my bag to my old bedroom, all my childhood memories came flooding back as I walked in.
I would say I had a very average childhood up until I was about 14, that was when I started to think that I was different. While all my friends were noticing girls, I was noticing the boys. I had no idea who to talk to about these feelings, so I tried to act like all my friends and just agreed when they were discussing the girls in our class. There were six boys in my friend group, we all liked to do the normal “boy” things. When we were younger, we played with trucks, and played cops and robbers in the woods on the edge of town. As we got older, we played sports like baseball and basketball in the park, just like all the other boys. Trever was our unofficial leader, we usually followed his lead. Joey was our jock, he was always the pitcher, or quarterback when we played ball. Josh was the good-looking one, he was the one the girls all swooned over and was the first to have a girlfriend. Blake was the mechanical member of our group, whenever we needed something fixed or built, he was our go to. Cole was the quiet, shy guy, and was my best friend, we would spend all of our time together, even when we weren’t doing something with the group. I was, of course, the bookworm. I always was reading a book or writing a story of some sort. I was the one the rest of the group came to whenever they needed help with their homework.
It was clear that as we got into jr. high, we were starting to drift apart and follow our own interests. We still ate our lunch together and even though it was less frequent, we were still hanging out together outside of school. By the time we made it to high school, and girlfriends started to be part of the picture, it was soon mostly just Cole and me. We would still be invited when the gang went to a movie or some other group activity, but I was starting to feel like the odd man out. When Cole started to date Nicole, I knew that I shouldn’t expect to be invited along as much as in the past.
The one thing that we all still shared was our disdain for Conrad P. Brooks III. Conrad was the son of a rich lawyer and a big name in McAlester. His dad had been on the city council for many years, as was his grandfather years before. He had even served a couple terms as mayor. The Brooks family claimed to be descendants of JJ McAlester, the man the town was named for. My dad told me that, at best, Conrad’s grandfather was maybe a second or third cousin to a cousin of JJ McAlester. Regardless, they were still a very influential family in the city. Of course, Conrad, or as we called him in grade school, Connie, was the most popular kid in our class. As we got to jr. high school, he insisted that we call him Conrad again. He was the teacher’s pet and all the rest of our classmates hung on to his every word. Being the children of middle-class working parents, my friends and I were usually looked down upon by Connie and his toadies. We didn’t do ourselves any favors by not cowering in fear from him whenever he picked on one of us. We had always maintained a united front and it always pissed him off when we stood up to him.
Connie and his sidekick, Mike Palmer, seemed to always seek out the weakest to pick on. Because I was the bookworm and Cole was so quiet, we would become a target whenever we weren’t with Trever, Josh, Joey and Blake. We had one such encounter one day when Cole and I were leaving school.
Connie and Mike came around the corner of a building just as Cole and I were off the school grounds.
Connie said, “what are you two doing walking on my street, your kind needs to find another way home.”
I rolled my eyes, “oh knock it off Connie, this is not your street.” We tried to brush past them and continue on our way.
Connie pushed my shoulder and yelled, “my name is Conrad, you little pissant.”
I scoffed, “whatever, leave us alone.”
Just as we were walking away, he tripped Cole, causing him to drop all of his books.
Connie and Mike were laughing as he said, “did you have a nice trip?”
I’m not sure why, but this was the last straw for me, I was helping Cole pick up his books and as soon as I handed them to him, I swung around clenching my fist and landed a hard right against Connie’s nose. He fell back as the blood began to flow and Mike looked on in complete shock.
Connie grabbed his nose and yelled, “get him Mike.”
I stood my ground, my eyes locked on Mike with my fist clenched, I asked, “do you want some of this too, Mike?”
Mike looked at me and then back to Connie, he started to help Connie up and said, “come on Conrad, let’s just go.”
Connie said, “this isn’t over Devin, you better watch your back.”
I huffed, “whatever Connie” I waved my head to Cole as we turned to walk away, Connie and Mike headed in the opposite direction.
As soon as we were a block away, Cole asked, “are you alright?”
I nodded, “sure, you aren’t hurt, are you?”
He shook his head, “no, I’m fine, but you scared the hell out of me.”
I chuckled, “why? I wasn’t going to hit you.”
He said, “I know, but you had a look in your eye that I have never seen before. I think Mike saw it too, that’s why he didn’t fight back.”
I shrugged, “I’ve had enough of their shit, the only thing they understand is being treated the same way they treat everyone else.”
I was right, Connie and Mike didn’t bother us after that, but Connie did promise he would get even. I wasn’t worried, I knew I could take him in a fair fight, and I knew I could take a punch if I had to.
I was more worried about dealing with my sexuality, I still had no one to talk to about it. I had always been able to talk to my dad about anything, but this seemed so much bigger than anything we had ever talked about before. I was sure that I was the only gay 15-year-old in McAlester Oklahoma, at least that was until the next week when I went to school library.
I was looking for a historical figure to write a term paper about for my American History class. I bypassed all the usuals, I was sure that my teacher was tired of reading papers on Washington, Lincoln and Ben Franklin. Since I had always like writing, I thought an American Author would be a good option, a book about Mark Twain caught my eye. Not only was he an interesting character, but his novels were also an interesting historical snapshot of period in which they were written. I found a couple more books and took them to a table to sit down and review them. As I was looking through them, Matt Grey, a kid that was a year older than me, sat down across the table from me. I didn’t know him well, but he was in the same art class that I was in. He nodded hello to me as he opened the book he had just taken from the shelf.
He said, “Mark Twain huh? He’s a great author.”
I smiled, “yeah, I was thinking about doing a term paper on him.”
He just smiled as we both started to read our books. The next day in art class, he sat next to me and asked, “so, how’s the paper on Mark Twain coming?”
From that point on, we became friends. With Cole and my other friends spending more time with their girlfriends, Matt and I began to hang out together outside of school. A few weeks later, he was at my house after school, and we were working on our homework. I had been talking about Cole and my other friends and he was telling me about some of his friends.
He said, “I guess since they all found girlfriends, they don’t want to hang around me anymore.”
I chuckled, “the same here, I guess I don’t blame them.”
Matt asked, “so why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe I haven’t met the right person yet.”
He nodded, “I know what you mean. I’m not sure if I will meet the right person in this town.”
We had never really talked about dating before, but maybe I could talk to Matt about my feelings. Then I thought, what if he tells everybody else, was I ready for that?
We sat in silence for a minute, Matt asked, “can I tell you something, and you have to promise not to tell anyone?”
I wasn’t sure where this was headed, I said, “sure, I promise.”
Matt said, “I know the reason I don’t have a girlfriend.”
I said, “ok. Why is that?”
He took a deep breath, “I don’t want a girlfriend, I would rather have a boyfriend.”
He was staring at me to see my reaction. I swallowed hard and asked, “have you… been with another guy before?”
He shook his head, “no. I want to try it though.”
My heart raced, I confessed, “since we are sharing secrets, I think I feel the same way.”
A look of relief came over his face, he said, “I can’t believe I just told you this, you are the only other person in this world that knows.”
I chuckled, “same for me, I thought I was the only kid in our school like this.”
He laughed, “me too.”
After another awkward silence, Matt asked, “so do you want to…I mean we could just see if…”
I shrugged, “do you want to…”
He turned to me, “we could maybe start with a little kiss.”
I nodded, “sure, we could do that.”
We closed our eyes as we leaned in until our lips met. We broke the kiss and looked into each other’s eyes. Matt said, “that was nice, did you like it?”
I nodded, “yeah, I did.” We leaned in again and our instincts took over, I pushed my tongue into Matt’s mouth. He was soon doing the same we were soon in a full make out session, and we began to explore each other’s bodies with our hands. I had laid back on my bed and Matt was now on top of me as we continued to kiss. I ran my hands across his back and then reached down and grabbed his ass through his jeans. My cock was now fully hard, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when Matt reached down to rub me.
I panted, “should we get naked?”
He grinned, “yes, we should.”
I watched Matt undress, being a year older, he was slightly more developed than I was. My heart was racing as I felt another man’s chest for the first time, his pecs and abs were hard, but the skin that surrounded them was so soft to the touch. I shivered as Matt tweaked my hard nipples, then let his hands wander down my stomach and finally wrap around my stiff member. My knees went weak as he began to stroke me while we continued our kiss. I followed Matt’s lead and gave his manhood a few tugs, leaking out a drop of precum for me to use as lube. Matt broke our kiss and went to his knees and ran his tongue across the head of my dick, causing me to gasp. Matt smiled as he opened his mouth and engulfed my cock in his warm, wet mouth. I braced myself on his shoulders as he began to suck, sending all my nerve endings into overdrive. It only took a couple sucks to send me over the edge, I blurted out, “oh shit” as I filled Matt’s mouth with a huge load of my love juices.
Matt licked his lips as he swallowed and looked up at me and smiled. I felt bad that I didn’t warn him before I came, but he didn’t seem to mind. As soon as I caught my breath, I immediately went to my knees to return the favor. I took his erection into my hand and gave him a few strokes, causing another drop of precum to form. I greedily licked up and then slowly sucked the entire length into my mouth. I mimicked what Matt had done to me and I soon had a mouthful of his creamy babymakers sliding down my throat.
I licked my lips as I swallowed the last drop of Matt’s cum. I stood and we again began to make out like the horny teenagers that we were. From that moment on, Matt and I would “study” together at least weekly. I now knew that I was gay, while I wasn’t ready to tell Cole and the rest of my friends, I knew I wanted to tell my dad. I just needed to figure out when, and the best way to bring it up.
I pushed the thoughts of Connie and Mike out of my mind and smiled at my memories of Matt. The long day had caught up to me and I quickly drifted off to sleep.
To be continued…
