Dear Advice Himbo,
I'll cut straight to the chase. My libido has gotten out of line and it's ruining my life. When I try to talk to people about it, they laugh at me. You're my last hope, Himbo.
I literally cannot go more than an hour without jacking off, or else I go crazy. I don't mean that figuratively or whatever. I start getting hard and I cannot stop thinking about the next time I'm going to jerk off.
My hard cock is impossible to conceal with clothing. Its unbelievable size makes it look like I'm carrying a cucumber in my sweatpants, and it's constantly leaking precum into my clothes. I have to wear multiple sets of underwear because the first one just gets saturated with emissions. After a couple of hours, I can't think straight. I often have to excuse myself from classes because I can't do anything other than find some way to relieve myself. God help me if I have to talk to a woman while I'm like this. I just know that some day I'm going to cream myself in public and I'll never let it down.
Help me, Himbo. If this keeps up I'm going to become a shut-in. I'm in my final year of college, in my physical prime, and this should be the pinnacle of my life so far. But I just cannot get my god damn dick under control. I can't hold a relationship because nobody can match my freak. (I also have a ridiculously short fuse, although I can go multiple times back-to-back, which some girls like.) My grades are suffering. I don't see how I can hold down a job. The only thing that keeps me sane is sports. What can I do about this?
Dear Short Fused Hornball,
Sorry to hear about your situation. It can be hard to be an alpha male in this world, people are constantly trying to belittle you or put you down.
I would say you definitely should get a thorough check-up from a doctor to rule out a medical abnormality. I've attached a list of himbo-friendly doctors who would be more than willing to help, without making fun of you. They're quite experienced at getting the necessary medical samples, so you should not feel embarrassed about presenting yourself for inspection.
But it's possible that you may have to accept there is no medical issue underlying your libido, and this is just your god-given burden to carry. Let me know how your check-up goes.
Dear Himbo,
I got your list of doctors and I noticed they were all men. I think maybe that was my problem, the last doctor I spoke to was a middle-aged woman and she just didn't seem to "get it".
I booked a session with Farooq and I immediately felt much more relaxed. He was so much more approachable than the other doctors I spoke to, probably because he seems like a jock. He spoke to me using normal words and he was clearly into sports. (He does MMA, I think.)
So he had me get naked and then gave me the full inspection. We started with a sperm sample just to get that out of the way. I was expecting to have to jerk myself off but the kind doctor offered to help and so I let him take it over. I closed my eyes and drifted into a fantasy while he worked my fat cock.
He is clearly very talented because I was able to get off almost immediately. It actually took him by surprise. He was very apologetic because he didn't have time to prepare the sample container. He generously offered to towel off the massive load from my furry 6-pack, but he said he'd need another sample. I told him, no worries bro, I'll be good to go again in a few minutes. In fact, by the time he was ready, I was fully hard again. This time, he timed how long it took me to blow, I guess as part of the inspection. It took 2 minutes and 11 seconds. That load was just as big as the first one.
I was dreading the prostate exam, but I needn't have. The doc says I definitely have a large prostate, but it seems to be natural. He was poking around for a long time back there, checking for any abnormalities. I had to apologise because I was hard and leaking again. It just felt a lot better than I was expecting. But he was surprisingly cool about it, he told me to relieve myself while he finished probing my prostate. That was a big relief.
It was actually a wild experience, Himbo. I came a lot harder than usual. I've started incorporating my prostate into my regular jerk-off routine. If you've never tried it, it's really satisfying!
Once the inspection was all wrapped up, the doc told me he couldn't see anything medically wrong. Everything seemed to be in working order, it's just that I'm in the top 0.1% of the population in terms of libido. He offered me some drugs that can reduce libido, but the side effects looked kind of scary, so I just said that I would think about it.
What do you make of this, Himbo?
Dear Hornball,
Instead of medication, it would be healthier for you to express your sexuality in a natural way. You implied you are straight in your letter, but I get the sense that, if you are willing to go out of your comfort zone a little, you could be open to the option of same-sex encounters. I think you may find some relief in the form of himbo solidarity.
There's an app called "Sniffies" that gay men use for something called "cruising". I'd suggest looking into it. I suspect you will be quite popular on the app. I'm sure you'll find other people with a similar problem and you can help to relieve one another.
Dear Himbo,
You're not going to believe this, but I tried installing that app you suggested and immediately recognised a bunch of bros from campus. It was a relief, I immediately felt like less of a freak.
A lot of these bros are not really my usual type. I'm used to having sex with women, but these are men's men, hairy and sweaty and muscular. But that actually seems to help. I think maybe it's the visual of women that makes me cum so quickly. When I'm having sex with my bros, I have to work harder to reach climax. But that helps me pound my bros for longer, and it's actually a lot more satisfying when I do climax. I've even started getting into foreplay. Never thought I would kiss my bros but it's way different to making out with chicks.
Because the sex is so much more satisfying I have been able to cut the number of times I have to nut per day way down. I can get away with only 3-4 orgasms a day, as long as most of them are gay hookups.
I had no idea that fucking other men would be the solution to all of my problems, but here we are! Thanks so much, Himbo!
