I mustered all my strength to be courteous. “Hello,” I nodded.
The figure stepped closer. It wasn’t Elliot; it was his brother Ethan. They looked almost identical when looking at them from a distance, but up close, it was easy to tell them apart. The darkness had tricked me
“How are you, Ethan?” He came even closer. I hadn’t seen him since graduation. Unsurprisingly, he looked older, but he was definitely more handsome now.
“Hi, Jeff. I saw the candle; I was hoping you were home.”
“It’s good to see you.” I noticed that Ethan’s lower lip quivered. “Why don’t you come in?”
He stepped inside.
“Let’s go into the kitchen; we can get something to drink.” Now he was biting his lip. I offered him a barstool. “What would you like?”
“Whatever you’re having,” his voice sounded tired. I always thought that Ethan was cute and a great brother for Elliot. He never begged to tag along with us even though I could tell that he wanted to.
I poured us each a Coke and put a spot of whiskey in them. I handed him a glass and raised mine; we clinked glasses, and I said, “To rekindled friendships.”
“My mother told me that you had come back to town, and I’ve been thinking about how to apologize to you. I was so stupid.”
“Apologize for what? You didn’t do anything to me,” I said.
“I know we weren’t best friends, but we were friends.”
“Yeah, we were.”
“I stopped being your friend when Elliot told me you were gay.”
“We were kids, Ethan,” I admitted.
“Even so, it wasn’t right for Elliot to hit you.” He bit his lip. “Even if you did tell him you wanted to have sex with him.”
I felt punched.
“That’s not what I told him. But it really doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I guess not, but I’ve felt guilty about what I didn’t do.”
“And what’s that?” I asked.
“I should have told everyone that I’m gay, but I was so scared people would find out. I did everything I knew how to do to hide it. You deserved so much better.”
“I don’t know,” I told him honestly. “I only told my parents that I’m gay this week. They knew of course. When did you tell your parents?”
“I haven’t.” He smiled. “My mom is convinced that Elliot is gay. She is so fixated on him that she doesn’t even notice me. She tried to tell Elliot not to get married because she thought he was gay. I don’t think he is. He just picked the wrong woman to marry. He’s going to have to figure that out. Meanwhile, my life just got more complicated.”
“How’s that?” I asked him.
“Well, I came here to tell you I was sorry for not being a better friend, and I sit here, across from you, realizing you’re still a really sexy guy, but also realizing that I’m still attracted to you. So now, I’m trying to figure out how to ask you out and wondering whether you would actually say yes.”
I smiled.
He smiled back. I’d never noticed those little dimples before. “Let’s do this, you go with me to Walmart and then to Chicken King for some tenders. If you haven’t eaten dinner, I’ll get the tenders for the both of us. Tomorrow, you can help me decide what to do with the floor downstairs and then take me to a movie. I don’t give a fuck which one. Ooops, my mother doesn’t want me to say that word in her house.”
Ethan touched the side of my face with his hand. “You’re still the same wonderful guy, aren’t you? I’d love to have tenders with you, and I’ll take you to a matinée. An evening movie isn’t in my budget until I get my first paycheck. I don’t start my first real job until next Monday.”
“I’d love to see a matinée with you. And I’d be happy to spot you if you’re short.”
He stood up and stood next to me. “Who’re you calling short?”
“You.” I stood up next to him. He was about two inches taller.
He looked down at me, and I felt a tingle, one that I had longed to feel but had never felt. “You want to reassess that name?” he asked.
“Not until I see you naked,” I said.
He started to laugh.
Before we left for our trip to Walmart, he called his cousin and asked him if he’d help me with the basement floor. We went to the store, and I got my wax ring. With a family order of tenders, I had enough for us for that meal and some leftovers for the next day. Ethan insisted on helping me with the toilet, and we had it running in no time. Before he left to go home, his cousin Roger stopped by to measure the apartment. He was sure that he had a neutral color carpet that he would give me; he said he could get me the padding at cost and wouldn’t charge for installation since I was such a good friend of Ethan.
The next day, we went to see a sci-fi/horror movie. The movie itself was pretty forgettable except for two scenes that scared the shit out of Ethan. He grabbed my hand both times. Truth was, it scared me, too. After the movie, we were trying to decide what to do when his cousin called to say they had a cancellation and wanted to come over and install the carpet.
Ethan helped Roger with the installation while I organized the storage area of the basement. Two garbage bags later, the carpet was laid. The apartment looked great, and the basement was better organized than it had ever been.
“Come walk on this,” called Ethan.
I removed my shoes and pretended to dance across the floor. Ethan laid on his back and made a snow angel. I laid down with our heads touching and did the same. He rolled over to watch me. “I used to want to grow up, but now I’m not so sure.”
I pivoted around. “This is fun isn’t it.” He was smiling a goofy smile, and I moved closer to him. I wanted to wait until we had a few more dates, but I kissed him anyway.
“Is that for helping you with the carpet?”
“No, Shorty. I’m feeling more than friendship here. What about you?”
Ethan looked up at me, “I’ve always felt more than friendship.”
I reached forward and touched his fingertips with mine.
Ethan continued, “When I was in college, I used to imagine that you would show up and come into my room. You would kiss me and then sometimes, well. Last night while I was in bed, I imagined that I went into your room. Am I just lonely and feeling lust? Or is the possibility of having a real relationship with you bringing out feelings that I’ve tried to keep buried?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “What kind of feelings did you have when you dated other guys?”
“My dates in college never went anywhere, and I never really felt anything other than horny.”
“And with me?”
He looked at me with a penetrating gaze. “I want to be with you and feel you touch me. I want to feel you inside me so much. And right now, I think if you rejected me, I would want to shrivel up into nothing.”
“That sounds like really strong feelings,” I said.
“I know you don’t feel the same way,” Ethan’s voice cracked a little.
“You don’t know that. There are feelings inside me that I don’t understand. They scare me, so I want to take things slow. I want to fuck you so bad, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Doesn’t you fear that you’ll hurt me mean there’s more here than just the desire to fuck me?”
“Oh, Shorty, I want that to be true. And if it is, then the feelings we have will just get stronger.”
“And if it’s just the desire to get our rocks off?” Ethan asked.
“If it’s just the urge to screw or get screwed, then as we wait, we’ll be drawn to someone else.
“I hope it’s not that. How long will we need to wait to be sure? And what if everything you said is just horseshit because you’re scared to have a relationship with me?”
“It’s not horseshit, Shorty. Why don’t you kiss me?”
He snuggled next to me on the new carpet; we kissed and held each other. I knew waiting was the right thing to do, but I didn’t really want to.
