Three houses over and across the street stood a Cape Cod style house. The Hart family lived there, and Elliot Hart had been my best friend since the age of one when our parents first started letting us play together. When school began, we walked together both there and back. We were inseparable.
Even when I began to realize that the other boys were starting to like girls, but I was starting to feel that way about Elliot, we continued to walk together, play together, bike around town together. His conversation would sometimes mention Lisa Riles. At times, he was ambivalent; other times, especially when Lisa would start dating one of our classmates, he seemed angry that she wasn’t his girl.
During Middle School, we were both in the band, but when High School began, Elliot joined the football team. Our times together were fewer, and my fantasies began to include more details, especially after the time I met up with him after practice one time.
We had planned to go downtown to look for a gift for his father. The guys had come in from the field, and a few at a time came from the fieldhouse. I asked Tommy Edwards if he knew where Elliot was.
“He’s still inside. You can go in, Jeff.”
I went in and eventually, I saw Elliot taking a shower. He was 5 feet 11 inches of toned muscle. A scattering of hair on his pecs, defined ab muscles, and what appeared to me to be a partially erect seven inch penis. Muscular legs extended down from a nice, firm ass. I was immediately hard.
I backed up toward the entrance and shouted his name. “I’m rinsing off, Jeff. I’ll be ready in a minute. You can come in if you want.”
“I’ll just wait outside,” I called back.
When Elliot came out, he seemed different to me. I wanted so badly to tell him how special he was to me. I wanted to hold his hand as we walked to the store. When I looked at him, I wondered how his lips would feel. He had just started shaving, and that little bit of scruff on his face made me tingle inside.
I must have stared a little too long, because he asked me, “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I laughed. “Nothing really. You smell like soap.” I had never noticed how green his eyes were. They were beautiful. The image of his body in the shower flashed in my head. I wondered what it would be like to have that body on mine, to feel the weight of him pushing me into the ground.
Then, I popped a boner. It had happened before when we were out walking or hiking, but this time it was because of him. I tried to adjust myself without his seeing me.
“Jeff, just fix the damn thing. You’re making a bigger deal out of it by trying to hide the fact that you’ve popped one.”
I was embarrassed. We’d always laughed them off before. “Yeah, you’re right.” The rest of the afternoon was so uncomfortable for me.
And as we walked up to my house, Elliot said, “You need to chill, man. Tell me what’s bothering you or get over it.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Maybe I’m just tired. I’ve been staying up too late reading and rereading ‘MacBeth.’”
“Well, take it easy. See you tomorrow.”
I went to my room and took care of things. It didn’t take long once the naked image of Elliot formed in my head.
My fantasies were driving me crazy. I saw the two of us going on exotic vacations together, married, and even with a houseful of children. Thanksgiving came and went. Elliot and his family went to visit his grandparents, and I sat alone in my room wishing he’d come back and tell me how much he missed me.
On the Sunday after Thanksgiving, my parents brought out the Christmas decorations. We put up the tree and decorated the different parts of the house. I was looking forward to Monday. With football season over for our school, Elliot and I would be walking home together. My mother asked me to go downtown and pick up some green garland; I was sure that he would want to go with me. He did.
As we walked to the store and then back to our neighborhood, he told me everything that he and his family did on their trip. I was having a really good time, and we were both laughing. The sun had just set and twilight surrounded us as we arrived at my driveway. We were both in zipped up jackets to fend off the chill. Elliot was looking toward the sky when the candle in my window turned on.
“I always know it’s Christmas time when that candle is on,” he said.
“Yep,” I replied. “It’s the only decoration in my room. It’s the one thing Mom let me have when I was little. She’s asked each year if I want to add something, but the candle is all I need.”
“It reminds me of our friendship,” he said.
I grabbed his hand and held it.
“Jeff?”
“I love you, Elliot.”
Elliot said nothing; he just stared at me. Then he let go of my hand. “You mean like brothers, right?”
I stepped in front of him. “It’s more than that. It has been for a long while.”
“No!” he shouted, and he pushed me down. I skidded several feet. “I ain’t gay.”
I stood up and took a step toward him. Tears formed in my eyes. “Elliot?”
He swung his fist and knocked me down again.
“I ain’t fucking gay,” he shouted, and he stormed off across the street.
I sat in the driveway. My bruised jaw ached. I cried as I watched my best friend, the boy I loved, walk away.
