There's that split second when you open your eyes and stare at an unfamiliar ceiling till you realize you are not in your own bedroom. Another business trip, another hotel room. I checked my phone, took a shower and went down to have breakfast. I like the buffet style, reminds me of when I was a kid and I would get up on a Sunday morning and the breakfast just magically appeared on the kitchen table. I miss that. I miss having parents.
I was just staring at my coffee, letting my brain slowly come to speed, drifting from the present to my past, back and forth. A push on my elbow pulled me back to reality.
- Sorry.
A man just passed my table, accidentally bumping into me a bit. I didn't have time to react, he already left. I didn't really have the mental capacity either, my sleepy eyes were focused on his butt. Nice shape, small, round. Slowly moving up a hint of back muscles hiding under the white shirt and on top wide shoulders. Just the usual middle aged straight body type, naturally hot and manly, without any advertising. Unlike gays who have to show off every muscle, every curve, reminding you how inferior you are and that you will never be able to get such a men.
He sat down two tables from me, facing me. I could swear he winked at me as he was sitting down, or maybe I was just still half asleep. Cute face. Beard and everything. Of course. Disgusting. I pulled myself together and got up to go back to my room.
- Enjoy your day! See you later! - He said.
-Thanks
I was confused. Do I know him. Should I? Maybe he is one of the new colleagues in the office? I come to this new branch from time to time but there are so many faces. In the age of remote work in person workshops are a must to get to know my colleagues. Or at least that's what management is telling us. I don't care much, I like to travel from time to time, a little change of scenery feels good. And the breakfast is always nicer.
I spent the day in the office, working and socializing. Mostly socializing. I try to tell myself that's what I'm here for, not to work as I would do it from home. Its exhausting though, I'm an introvert. I know I need it sometimes but I'm so pooped by the end of the day and its gonna be like this the whole week. After work I went to a shop on my way to the hotel. I needed a drink to help me relax. That's what I tell myself. If you need a drink or four every evening to relax are you an alcoholic of just stressed? I found myself staring at the endless rows of bottles, trying to choose the days poison. Vodka will be fine, simple, effective. I reached for the big bottle, then hesitated and grabbed a smaller one. I cant get drunk, I'm working tomorrow and have to be presentable.
I walked on the main street, it was a nice warm evening. Lots of restaurants and bars, with tables outside, people chatting and laughing with a glass of wine and a small piece of overpriced food on way too big plates. How I hate even the idea of sitting with them, while wishing to be them the same time. It must be so nice going out, meeting people and enjoying the whole thing. Instead I just run back to my hotel to drink. Pathetic.
in my room finally, I kicked off my shoes, unbuttoned my shirt, turned on the tv and poured some vodka. I like the warming feeling as it slowly moves down in me, I can feel my insides relaxing. I hopped on my bed with the remote in my hand. Why is that the nicest hotels have the crappiest tvs? At least 10 years old and there isn't a single watchable channel. Anyway, music is fine, anything that makes enough noise so that I dont hear my own thoughts. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the buzz, rode the warm waves of the vodka.
Somebody knocked on the door. Must be a mistake, somebody got lost, wrong door. If I wait they will just go. Another knock. Shit. I got up, went to the door and opened it. There he was, Mr. breakfast daddy. Or was I just drunk already and imagined it?
- Hi.
- Em, hi...Do I...
- Are you okay? - He asked
- Excuse me? - My eyebrows went up, I was totally confused.
He looked at my hand, still holding the glass of vodka. I looked at it and started laughing.
- Yeah, I'm ok. I think. It was a long day...I'm sorry do I know you? From the office maybe? I terrible with faces.
- No. - He said, smiling. And just kept looking at me.
- Okay...
- ...can I come in?
Is this my All of us strangers moment? Will I regret if I say no? Im sure I will regret if I say yes.
- Sure...
what the hell?
- Would you like a drink? I have vodka and...Pepsi. The minibar is truly mini. Haha
- That's fine. Brings back memories, those crazy college nights, when my broke ass tried to party.
I poured and handed him the glass. He sat down on the chair in the corner, I sat on my bed. Why is there always a cuckold chair in every hotel room? I felt being on display, examined, watched from the corner.
- I saw you earlier in the shop, standing at the isle, looking at the bottles.
- Yeah, I guess I have a problem...but everybody needs some kind of poison, or not?
- Why do you think that?
- Everybody needs some way to let the steam out. This is mine.
- For me its the gym.
- Yes I can see that...
Did I blush is it just the vodka? I hope he didn't notice. What am I doing? Flirting with a stranger in my room? Is this even real?
- Are you happy? - he asked.
- Yes. No. I don't think its ever that simple. Life is not a movie. You make decisions, choices. I have all the things I need to be happy. But you cant have everything, right? You always need to compromise.
- What is it that you don't have?
- A sexlife. Haha...Omg why am I saying that? I don't even know you. What are we even doing here?
He got up, walked to my bed, stopped for a way too long second, still looking at me. He picked up my glass, wen to the minibar and poured a generous amount of vodka, for me and himself. Walked back and handed the glass to me.
- What is it that you would want to do right now if you didn't have all those annoying voices in your head?
What? How does he know? Suddenly my arm reached out and put my hand on his bulge.
- Shit I'm sorry! I don't know why I did that!
He laughed. Put down his glass, loosened his belt, slowly unbuttoned his pants and opened the zipper and pulled down his pants with the underwear included. There it was. A stranger's penis, right in front of my face. Semi hard, straight, uncut, brown and thick. Half of his head peaking out under his foreskin. And I just grabbed it. It was warm, hard. the skin was so smooth. This whole thing was so unreal. I started slowly jerking it, pulling back the skin, revealing more of the glans, it was shiny, already covered in precum. The I woke up and released it, turned my head and looked at my wedding ring on the night stand.
- I'm sorry. This is so unreal...
He laughed, pulled up his pants and went back to his chair.
- This isn't right.
- Did you like it?
- Yes...
- did you want it?
- ...yes...
- Then whats the problem?
- I'm drunk obviously. I do things I shouldn't.
- Says who?
- Well for one my husband...
- Why do you think we do things when we are drunk but wouldn't when we are sober?
- Cause when you are drunk you don't think about your responsibilities and the consequences of your actions. All you have is the impulse decisions of the moment.
- I think the real problem is that you are not true to yourself anymore. You live a life where you cannot be yourself anymore, confined between responsibilities. You live for the people around you, you follow the rules made by others. I you would live a life that follows only your own rules than there wouldn't be a conflict between your desires and what you can actually do.
- That's easy to say with your face and your body! look at me, I'm neither handsome nor hot. I glad I found someone who loves me, cares for me. You cant be picky if you don't have much to offer. Would I want to feel you dick in my mouth? Sure. Grab your cheeks and pull you deeper in my, feel you rub against my prostate? Taste you mouth, smell your sweat, hear your moans while you squeeze me harder as you pump your cum deep in me? Can I have that? No.
Then there was quiet. I guess at this point I didn't give a fuck anymore and just let all my thoughts flow right out of my mouth without any control.
- Most young people think that there is a certain age when you "figure thing out", "find you path" and from that point on you just sit on the back seat and enjoy the ride. Some of them realize later that there is no itinerary, that most people just live day by day trying to do their best. there are no rules how to live. You have to create your own rules, or other people will make decisions for you, about you. If you only had one year left to live, is this the life you would continue living?
There was a hot man sitting in my room, legs spread, pants unbuttoned, relaxed, sipping his drink. Exactly like those pictures you jerk off to while scrolling through Tumblr on a horny night. And there was stupid little me, trying to do the "right thing". What does that even mean? Right for who?
I put down my glass, walked over and got on my knees in front of him. He stopped drinking, he was just looking in my eyes. I put my hands on his thighs, lowered my had and buried my face in his pubes...
