The full moon continued to illuminate the world outside and I was already lying on my bed trying to close my eyes and go to sleep. The day had been completely insane and I was tired both physically and emotionally.
"Psst! Primo. Move over..." he said in a whisper.
I crawled across the bed to make room for him next to me, knowing that I wanted him next to me no matter what. His body sank into my mattress, taking up all the free space left on the small bed, and he ended up right next to me, hugging me. He was warm. He WAS warmth.
"You're mine today!" he said in my ear as he brushed some strands of hair away from my face.
"Pedro! I'm exhausted. My body hurts. My head's in a knot," I moaned.
"And who says I want more than just to lie next to you? I just want to hold you. To be close to you. Can I?" he asked as he stroked my face.
"Pedro... you know you can. You know I don't have the strength not to want you here. But you have to get up early and go to your own bed. If anyone comes into the room, this is going to ended up being a bloody mess" I said.
"Yes... I know! But now, no one is going to come in here and... I want to be close to you." he whispered in my ear, giving me goosebumps.
That voice... his smell... everything about him invited me to lust and abandonment.
And no matter how hard I fought, it would always be that way. He had a power over me that I didn't understand. And I didn't really care. In that moment, IN THAT especific moment, I was totally and unavoidably his.
I fell asleep in his arms, letting the tiredness and the night take over and there I stayed, in the most perfect nest I could have created. My skin with his. My body with his.
For me, we were no longer Luis and Pedro. We were hopelessly together. Anyone looking at us that night couldn't see where one began and the other ended.
@@@@
Summer insisted on passing. The days were a succession of encounters, moments stolen from time itself. Kisses, caresses and sex… lots and lots of sex.
And, yes, there were a few tantrums from me because things weren’t as I imagined or wanted them to be. But Pedro stayed there. Patient, calm and as thoughtful as ever. Sometimes his calm was unnerving. He would disarm me with a simple look, a simple smile, only to drive me crazy in the moments when we were alone.
The days gave way to weeks, dragging me towards the inevitable day when Pedro had to return to Lisbon.
That day began like every other July day in Portugal. The sun was shining high in the sky, the temperature was high and everyone was preparing for another family beach day.
Inside me, however, the sun wasn’t shining. In fact, no day had ever dawned as gloomy as this one. I dragged myself out of bed like a condemned man drags himself to the gallows. With every step I took, I seemed to sink into quicksand that impeded my movements. I wanted to go to the beach as much as I wanted to see my own guts.
“Psst. Primo!” he said sweetly.
I could see the sadness in his eyes. He looked at me with a sorrow that wasn’t normal for him. He, who was always a source of joy, had a black shadow covering his gaze. I looked at him as if he were saying goodbye forever.
“Stop it! Stop being like this! I’m not going to the other side of the world!” he said with a sad smile as he stroked my cheek.
“To me, yes, It’s like you’re going!” he said, his voice laced with sadness.
I wanted to beg him not to go. I wanted to beg you to stay with me. Not to leave me here. But I knew it was impossible.
“Luís… Don’t look at me like that. Foda-se. I can’t imagine you being sad like that. Promise me you’ll be okay. Promise me you’ll try to have fun. You can always call me. Talk to me. Promise you will do that.” he said holding my face within his hands.
I nodded, trying to fight back the tears that were emerging on my eyes.
Then, for the first time I can remember, my cousin cried. Thick tears fell from his sweet eyes, which he tried to wipe away and disguise by hiding his face on my shoulder.
I hugged him, trying to hold on to as much of him as I could at that moment. Letting him go would be a few more minutes without his body near mine. Another piece of time that would be stolen from us.
"You have a key to your house, don't you?" he asked.
I shook my head quickly, realizing what he wanted to do.
"We're not going to the beach today. We're going to your house!" he said with a sad smile. "I'll tell your mother that we're both going to the beach bar and then we'll go for a walk."
Pedro left quickly, going to convince my mother that he wanted to spend his last day with his cousin. We had become so close this summer that it wasn't suspicious that he wanted to go for a walk with me.
"Aunt, don't worry about lunch. Luís and I will eat something or we'll stop at the supermarket and get something to eat." I heard him say in the distance.
In my room, I prepared a backpack with a few things I knew I wouldn't need but, for all intents and purposes, we had to keep up appearances.
In a few minutes we were in the car. The engine purred and we set off in the direction of my house.
The whole way, I felt a crescendo of anticipation and something more. It all felt like a farewell. It was certain that this was the last time I would be with him this summer. I leaned against him, feeling his warmth and smelling his scent. My tears traced paths down my face as we made our way to the house.
As soon as I entered my room, I stopped and looked at him. There was no urgency or haste. There was no unbridled lust or madness. There was sweetness and affection in his eyes, something very different from the first time we had been in this room.
He approached me with his eyes fixed on mine as he took off his t-shirt. I imitated his movements, in a slow, controlled dance as if time itself could be frightened if we moved too quickly.
He slowly approached me, holding my face as he kissed me. Something intangible was in that kiss. Something different, deeper. I felt his tongue caress mine, sweetly searching every nook and cranny of my mouth, becoming part of me.
My arms went around him and embraced him, holding him so tightly that I had the feeling he might disappear if I eased up.
"You're mine!" he said in a whisper.
His breath covered my face leaving me enveloped in the smell of mint. He was a drug for me. And I didn't want to get rid of the addiction.
"And you're mine," I replied, my breathing ragged with the desire I felt. I continued to kiss him while my hands explored the body I already knew by heart.
Pedro hooked his fingers in the elastic of my swimming trunks and pushed them to the floor. His hands grabbed my round buttocks and squeezed them, making them separate. By now my cock was harder than steel and my glans was totally wet with pre-cum coming out of the opening at the tip.
Pedro deliberately trapped it between my abdomen and his, increasing the friction between our two bodies. I moaned loudly as his fingers searched for my opening and traced small circles in my anus.
"Foda-se, today I'm going to fuck you like I've never fucked you before!" he said into my mouth.
He pushed me onto the bed, getting rid of his own shorts and grabbing my ankles, spinning me around until I was on my stomach.
He knelt behind me and spread my buttocks, exposing my hole, while using one of his fingers to continue massaging my entrance.
"Holy shit! I'm going to fuck your ass properly!" he growled in a low voice as he approached my anus. His finger gave way to his tongue, which began to trace circles on my ass. His movements were deliberately slow and controlled, nibbling and kissing every part of my sensitive anus.
"Ohh! Foda-se!" I moaned, gripping the bedclothes tightly. The mastery with which he licked me sent shivers of pleasure through my body, making me lose control of my muscles.
"That's it... moan! Let me hear as you moan to what I'm doing to you!" he said as he blew air into my saliva-soaked hole.
I found myself thrusting against his face to get more and more of that sweet pleasure I was getting from his tongue.
I felt his hands move to my hips and lift me off the bed, leaving me with my face buried in the bedclothes and my ass wide open and exposed for his use.
His tongue returned to the attack, licking and circling, beginning to insert it, making it swirl inside my ass, launching new sensations into a mind already flooded with pleasure.
I could only let out incoherent words and sounds, trying to prolong that wonderful sensation of a well-done rim job. I threw my hand back, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling his face against my ass. I wanted more, I needed more. And he didn't deny it.
I felt his tongue descend from my anus to my ball sack. While a thumb continued to massage my entrance, gently penetrating me, his tongue licked my balls, taking each one in his mouth.
With his free hand, he grabbed my cock and pulled it back, licking along its entire length.
"AAAAAHHHHHH!" I moaned loudly as I grabbed his head and bit into the bed covers.
"I warned you... I was going to fuck you like I haven't fucked you before!" I heard him say.
Without any warning, he pushed me to the side, spinning me around until I was on my stomach on the edge of the bed. His mouth wrapped around my cock, licking the head and continuing to suck as if his life depended on it.
"PEDRO... CARALHO!" I screamed as I tried to keep some semblance of sanity.
I grabbed his head, trying to somehow control the speed with which he sucked and licked my cock. Pedro grabbed my wrists, pinning them along my body.
"Naughty boy!" he said with a smile on his face.
"Foda-se. Pedro. Please...!" I begged.
"Please what? What do you want?" he said with a sly smile on his lips.
"Make love to me... please!" I said, half pleading half desperate
Pedro grabbed the bag that had been left next to him and took out the small bottle of lubricant, pouring a generous amount of the liquid over his fingers and spreading it around my entrance.
His eyes fixed on mine as he began to insert the first finger slowly. He allowed me to adjust to the invasion as he pushed more liquid inside me. He started moving and wiggling it around, opening my hole slowly and tenderly.
When he saw that I had relaxed enough, he inserted a second finger, making them twirl and move in search of my prostate, with deliberately slow and controlled movements to make me squirm against his hand.
I could only moan and breathe deeply, letting him do with me what he wanted.
I couldn't look away from him.
"I love you!" I said in a moan that was interrupted by the pleasure he was giving me.
"I know!" he said, looking into my eyes.
This time he didn't look away, smiling. He smeared the rest of the lubricant on his cock and aligned the bulbous head with my entrance. With a slow, controlled movement, he entered me gently.
I felt like I was being loved for the first time. His eyes never left mine until his entire cock was inside me. It stayed that way until I was ready for him to move.
With a nod I let him know I was ready for him to move. He also responded with a nod and withdrew his cock almost completely to reinsert it with the same controlled movements.
He wasn't fucking me. He was making love to me. My whole body was screaming for him and he was giving it all away. His thrusts were slow and deliberate, looking for every angle, watching my face like a barometer measuring my pleasure threshold.
When he hit that sweet spot inside me, I rolled my eyes back and let out a moan of pleasure through my lips.
The thrusts began to increase in pace, making my body sway with the back and forth of his thrusts. My arms grabbed his body, pulling him towards me.
Without ever leaving my anus, he pushed me to the middle of the bed, lay on top of me and held me while he kissed me, never losing the rhythm of the penetration that was taking my sanity away.
"Fuck... Pedro... like this... do it like this!" I told him as I sought his mouth like a thirsty man seeks water in the desert.
His lips sucked mine with the same eagerness that I showed. His tongue danced in my mouth, searching for mine in a sensual dance of saliva and flavor.
The friction of our bodies and the rhythmic, deliberate movements were enough for me to start shooting jet after jet of my sperm between our two bodies.
My orgasm precipitated his. With one last thrust, he buried himself inside me and let out a low grunt as he poured his hot seed into me.
We remained like that, both of us clinging to each other, trapped in that moment between the threshold of reality and dream. That feeling of abandonment of the body that occurs just after orgasm. That's probably why the french call it “La Petit Mort.”
When I managed to come down from the glow of orgasm, I looked at his sweaty face. I could see my face in the reflection of his eyes.
I stroked his face, pulling him in for another kiss, as if I could keep him inside me forever. He let himself be like that, allowing his cock to get a little soft inside me.
When he rolled to my side, his cock came out of me with a wet sound of air escaping from my hole. I tried to close my sphincter... easier said than done.
He pulled me to him without a single word. In fact, there were plenty of them at that moment. I nestled my head into his chest and let myself stay there, listening to his heart return to its normal rhythm, while the glow of orgasm faded from us. He pulled my chin so that I was looking at him.
"Are you all right?" he asked sweetly.
I laughed with a low sound.
"Do I look not alright to you, right now?" I replied with a smile plastered on my face.
"No. I just wanted to make sure. Because today, we're not going to stop there. Today I'm going to fuck you so hard that you'll feel me inside you for a week." I said with malice.
"Can you take it?" I asked amused, as I played with the hairs on his chest.
“The real question is: CAN YOU?” he said, looking at me with a smile.
“ Well… there is only one way we can know with absolute certainty” I said as I rolled on top of him again kissing him.
@@@
Two hours later and I was screaming with my third orgasm.
We were both exhausted. I tried to catch my breath while he struggled with the sensations his already hypersensitive cock was sending through his body.
"I won't be able to sit down tomorrow if we carry on like this," I said with a tired but totally satisfied smile.
"But... that's the point. Believe me, you'll remember me for a few days," he replied with a smile on his face.
"As if that were impossible. As if I wouldn't remember you every minute." I said, staring at the wall opposite my bed. "Not even if I wanted to. It would be like ripping my heart out of my chest."
I felt him arrange the pillows so that he was half-sitting on the bed. His gaze was fixed on me, but distant. As if a great truth was hidden behind his eyes, and it insisted on not coming out. He remained in a prolonged silence while his eyes roamed over my body. He let out a deep sigh.
"We have to get back, cousin," he said, looking away. "I'm going to take a quick shower. You should do the same."
As soon as he left the room, my emotions erupted. This was the damn moment I'd been dreading, the damn moment I'd been avoiding all day and which he'd managed to push away with the hours we'd been together.
I could hear the water running as I walked to the bathroom, entering without ceremony.
I stood there, leaning against the cold wall as he washed his hair and body.
"Come here!" he said, calling me under the shower head.
I went in and hugged him. I let the water hide the tears running down my face. His arms wrapped around me, allowing me to stay there, lost between my fantasy world where we were together and the harsh reality where he had to leave.
We dressed slowly and got back into the car, heading back to the small seaside village.
I don’t remember the route. Of everything that has happened this month, this part of my memory has been erased.
We arrived at the rented house where Joana had already organized the suitcases and all the things to put in the car. I helped them with a sad countenance, making no effort to hide what I was feeling.
Pedro called me and we walked along the shortcut I had taken so many times. Then, in the pine forest that already knew us and under the big tree that had been the scene of so many of our kisses, I said goodbye to him.
I cried next to his body, allowing the emotions that were tearing at my soul to come out in gulps of tears that wet his T-shirt. Our kisses were soaked in the love I felt and the salt of our tears.
He turned away from me and walked back towards the house in long strides. His shoulders slumped while his hands were hidden in his pockets.
“PEDRO!” I shouted, looking at the figure walking away from me carrying a finality to the sweet month I had spent. “I love you”
Those words were spoken as if no one but him could hear them. As if there were no restrictions, prohibitions or impediments to my love for him.
Then, with his sweet eyes, those eyes that made me tremble and took me beyond reason, he stared at me.
“I love you too! I’ve always loved you!” he said as he turned to continue walking towards the car.
I fell to my knees in the sand of the pine forest and let my pain take over. I let my crying be more than a release of emotion. I leaned against the tree and poured out everything I was feeling.
After a while, I stood up and made my way to the beach. The sun was already setting on the horizon, casting a coppery glow over the surface of the water. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my mind and heart.
I tried to draw strength from the fact that I could call or travel to Lisbon to be with him. But never completely.
But for now I only had the pain of his departure and the end of the month’s vacation on my hands.
They say you never forget your first love. I never forgot mine. It was forbidden, painful and strange. But at the same time it was breathtaking, beautiful, sweet and taught me the meaning of loving and being loved.
Today, we have our own lives. He has his home and his family. And I have mine. But inside, I keep the memory of the first man who loved me, who drove me crazy. The first man who touched me.
He was my AWAKENING
The End
