I used to tell myself that other people’s opinions didn't matter. In their eyes, I'd already inherited my father's sins. Their resentment clung to me, even though I'd barely been part of the family they loathed. Not even his death changed anything. So I shut down. I turned away.
But… I don't want to stay on the outside forever. Maybe it's foolish to go searching for a place I belong, but I'd rather chase that hope than live with the regret of never trying at all.
------------
It's been years since Heath attended any social event, much less church. The bells ring in the village folk who wear their finest. As soon as he is noticed, the whispers start.
"Well well, if it isn't Heather!"
Goddamnit, shit fucking goddamn-
"You know what my name is Heath, calling me Heather only works phonetically anyways. It's a dumb joke and it's always been, Jerkgan."
"It's Jergan."
Jerkgan's wearing a new suit that's sleek, tailored, and absurdly expensive. The kind that says he knows exactly how he wants to be seen: every inch of the man effortless and polished. His red hair is done up sharp and glossy, probably with some imported product that costs more than I make in a month. He's not even that tall, barely coming up to my chest, but he still fills the space like he owns it. He always has. That presence, that gravity. And damn it, I still feel it. I hate that I feel it. I can't tear my eyes away from him, even though I want to. Even though I know exactly what he's doing when he flashes that smug little grin. The one he saves for me when he’s toying with me, when he wants to get under my skin and knows it’ll work.
He speaks, voice casual and cruel.
"What are you doing here? Decided to come offer some heartfelt prayers? Trying to be part of the community now?"
I feel the heat crawl up my spine. It's always like this - no way to win. I show up and they mock me. I stay away and they whisper behind my back. Every path leads to judgment. Every move is wrong. Just when I feel like this is a mistake, my mouth gets ahead of me.
"…So what if I did?"
I hear the bitterness in my voice, thick and sharp, and I feel ashamed as I slide back into silence. Like always.
"I-"
"Children! No bickering in front of the house of god."
One of the elders interrupts, their voice sharp with disapproval. It's like we're ten years old again. Like I haven't grown, like I'm not trying to crawl out of the shadow they keep shoving me back into.
Jergan's eyes flick toward the elder, and just like that, the fire's gone from his gaze. It's snuffed out behind a cool, blank mask. But I saw it. I saw that flicker before it vanished. Disappointment. Maybe even hurt. It knocks something loose in me, something I don’t have a name for. Something I don’t want to look at too closely.
And then the weight of the villagers' eyes presses back in. Watching. Judging. Measuring me against a name I never asked to carry. I can feel it crawling over my skin like filth I can’t wash off. I hate that it still gets to me. I hate that I still let it.
Jergan steps closer, and for a second I brace, unsure what he'll do. But all he does is slap a hand against my chest. Light, familiar. Not a challenge. Not this time.
"See you inside."
He's softer now. Almost warm. Like he’s offering me a way back in, even if he’ll never say it aloud. And then he's gone, striding toward the church like none of it mattered. But I'm still standing here, heart pounding, jaw set, trying not to feel everything I swore I'd left behind.
------------
I make my own prayers while sitting in the solitary pew.
Oh, if the gods on high still heard prayers, if their grace flowed like sunlight through stained glass, then perhaps the temple would be a sanctuary—a place where kindness is more than a hymn, where welcome is more than a word.
But no. The temple is its own quiet curse, a ritual of discomfort draped in holy privelege. The stares, the murmurs, the songs sung too loudly to drown out judgment; they wear me down like rain on stone. Years ago, before I stopped trying, I'd stay for the sermon, nothing more. If I lingered after, I knew the gossip would sharpen.
------------
It's once I'm sitting, "enjoying" my communion lunch, that I find a note in my chest pocket.
[I wanted to talk in private. Come to my house tonight? Jergan]
...I'm not sure what to think. What would he want to talk about? Curiousity overpowers anxiety. Jergan sits with his people, paying me no attention.
Jergan has always held a strangely complicated place in my life. He was one of my tormentors growing up, though he never started the trouble - he just followed along. I'm not sure if that makes it any better, but there was something oddly comforting in knowing I could pass by him without chaos erupting. He's kind of a jerk, but also… a crush? It's frustrating to admit, but part of me hated not getting his attention - even if our interactions were mostly negative.
I stay lost in thought until the crowd finally disperses. In a way, I'm grateful the morning passed without incident. The rest of the time until he meets Jergan is spent drifting through scattered thoughts, wondering what the crush/bully really wants.
Maybe Jergan just wants to humiliate him again, to remind him of his place with another smug insult or a shove against the lockers. Or maybe it'll be one of those confusing moments when Jergan leans in too close, voice low, saying something that almost sounds like a compliment, but twisted just enough to leave Heath off-balance. Maybe Jergan wants to see him flinch, or maybe he just wants to see if he'll ever stop looking at him like that... half wary, half longing.
Heath can't tell if Jergan's trying to hurt him, test him, or pull him closer just to push him away again. Maybe Jergan doesn't even know what he wants. But the thought of being in his orbit again makes Heath's chest tighten in a way he can't explain. Part dread, part anticipation.
------------
The evening sun hung low when Heath arrived at Jergan's house, a modest, ivy-laced place tucked. Jergan opens the door in his a more relaxed half-ironed shirt, sleeves rolled, collar a little crooked, greeting Heath with a grin like nothing in the world could truly bother him.
"You came."
He hurries me inside before closing the door. Before I can ask what he wants, he speaks.
"You want a drink?"
Jergan already walks toward the kitchen without waiting for an answer.
"Uh, sure."
He doesn’t say no, not when Jergan offered with that easy, relaxed tone, like they'd done this a hundred times already.
The first drink is something dark, smooth, and a little smoky. Jergan never named it, just handed it over with a nod and a clink of glass. They sat in the living room where the furniture didn't quite match and the lights were dim.
"I wasn't sure you would come."
"..."
Dammit, the words all rush together and I'm paralyzed in finding my damn voice. What did you need? Why are you asking for me here in secrecy? Is being seen with me such a disturbance?
"Heath... I've been meaning to say something for a long time now."
Jergan looks away, shame clear on his face.
"I should've said it years ago, but I didn't. I guess I kept hoping it'd just… sort itself out. But it didn't. Back when we were kids, I wasn't the one starting anything, but that doesn't matter, does it? I still laughed. I still stood there. I didn't stop it. I didn't help you. I let the others set the tone, and I went along with it. Maybe I told myself it wasn't that bad because I wasn't throwing the first punch. But... that's just a coward's excuse, isn't it?"
He lets out a shuddering breath before continuing.
"When we got older… I should've grown past all that. You did. You became stronger than most people I know. But me? I let other people's words get in my head. I heard them calling you names and garbage but, instead of standing up and saying 'We don’t know him,' I just kept my mouth shut and drifted further away. Like maybe if I wasn't standing next to you, no one would put me in the same box. Like I could somehow pretend I wasn't part of the problem. I'm... I'm ashamed. Ashamed of what I did before, of how I kept backing away. I told myself I was giving you space, but really… I was protecting myself. From guilt. From judgment. From facing you."
Blinking moist eyes, Jergan straightens himself.
"I'm not proud of that. I know I made you feel alone. Like you didn't matter. Like we were still those stupid kids, and I hadn't changed. And maybe I haven't, not where it counts. But I see you, Heath. I've always seen you. And you deserved better from me. From everyone, but especially me."
For the first time, he looks Heath in the eyes.
"I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me. I just… needed to say it. Finally."
Heath stays quiet for a moment, then the words that were locked away are touched by Jergan's sincerity.
"…You know, I used to wonder if you even saw me anymore. I'd catch you looking away like I was something you were trying to forget. Like I embarrassed you just by standing in the same street. I told myself it didn't bother me. That I didn't care what you thought. But I did. Because back then, even when you didn't step in, I still thought maybe you weren't like the rest of them. I thought maybe you were just stuck. That you'd come around."
Heath breathes in......... and out.
"Then years passed and you didn't come around. I'm not dumb, Jergan. I hear the names. I know what they say. I've had to work twice as hard just to be taken halfway serious and every time you stood on the sidelines or looked away, it felt like you were saying they were right."
A silence.
"But… I hear what you're saying now. And I don't think you're lying. I think you mean it. That matters. Doesn't fix everything, but it matters."
Heath smiles and Jergan gazes at him dreamily.
"I'm not the same kid you used to stand next to, Jergan. I've built myself up from the ground just fine without anyone's hand on my shoulder. But if you want to be someone different now, if you're really trying, I'm not gonna shut the door on that."
Heath pauses again before finishing.
“…But I appreciate you saying it. More than I can say.”
--------------
The bells from the church ring in the village folk who wear their finest. The village square fills with chatter and movement, but there's a subtle shift in tone the moment Heath steps through the doors of the chapel. Heath keeps his head down as he walks toward one of the back pews, the pew one no one else ever dares sit at. People notice. They always do. Conversations soften into murmurs, then into the same tired whispers.
"There he is again."
"Like a bull in a chapel."
"Wouldn't want to get stuck next to him, I swear…"
Heath pretends not to hear. It's the same routine as last week, seen but not welcomed. Present, but not invited.
And then there's a quiet shift. Footsteps approach. Jergan. It's clear everyone expects him to sit where everyone else is gathered. Instead, he walks steadily towards the back pew and then sits down right beside Heath.
The murmuring and stares raise the tension in the room like a stone dropped in water. Heath doesn't look at Jergan at first. Just blinks once and then glances sideways, subtle. He whispers.
"...You know this pew's cursed, right?"
"I've been due for some penance."
A small smile tugs at the corner of Heath's mouth. It’s not joy exactly. It's something quieter. Something a little less lonely. They don't speak again, not right away. They just sit there together. A silence that used to mean isolation now means something else. Something shared.
------------
"That ought to give them something to talk about."
The two had a casual lunch together after the sermon was complete. Eyes stayed on them, but no one would dare say anything against Jergan. His family was held in high esteem, enough privelege to not be questioned. After, they'd decided in private to meet up again for drinks tonight, which is now where the two laugh away the tension of the day.
As they quiet into a comfortable silence, heath notices Jergan looks like he's swallowing a lump in his throat rather than talking. But I give him time and he, eventually, speaks.
"How'd you know I was gay?"
The question hung between them, not sharp nor defensive, just honest. Heath wasn’t surprised, not exactly. Just thoughtful, turning the question over in his mind like a stone in his hand.
"I didn't… exactly know. I guessed. Felt it. Something in how you looked at people. Not just who, but how. It was quiet. Subtle. But you notice things when you're a quiet."
Jergan finally looked at him, searching his face for something. Judgment or maybe just understanding.
"You didn’t say anything."
"It wasn't my secret to talk about."
Jergan let out a soft laugh, more breath than sound.
"I don't know if that makes you decent or just frustratingly patient."
There was a silence after that - not uncomfortable, just a kind of stillness that felt earned.
"…Thanks."
Heath didn’t answer with words. Just raised his glass again, and Jergan clinked it without hesitation.
They drank. The evening lingered.
"I saw you. At the Smooth Ride."
"Oh!"
"How... was it?"
"Uh... it was honestly kind of hard being there."
"Really? Why?"
"There were a few reasons, but I felt as much an outsider there as everywhere else."
"At least you could summon the bravery to go in. I couldn't manage even that."
"Have you... talked to anyone about this before?"
"No. It actually feels kind of liberating just... saying this stuff out loud."
Just when I think we're lapping back into another silence, Jergan surprises me.
"What's it like, being with another man?"
"It's uh... well, it's been good for me so far."
"Then... what about with me?"
"! What do you mean?"
"Am I... good looking?"
"We both know you are, but if you need it said aloud, yes, I've always thought you were hot."
An embarrassed, but pleased smile lights up his face.
"Then... want to spend the night?"
------------
Gently, Jergan laps at Heath's penis with his tongue before taking the whole length down his throat. He has to stretch his jaw wide and slide his lips down on the prick. Soon enough, Jergan has Heath blissfully held at the back of his throat, suppressing his gag reflex as best as he can, forcing the rigid shaft further down his tight throat. A pleasured cry accompanies another spurt of precum shoots straight into Jergan's throat. By now, he's practically drinking the heavy-leaking man. Heath's skin is flushed with arousal, barely able to think straight. Now he starts to bob his head up and down on the shaft, relentlessly spearing his throat on it. Every inch of cock that isn't engulfed in the tight passage of his gullet gets caressed by a hungry tongue. At the same time, Jergan jerks off the remaining dick with expertise. Both men are on cloud nine. Heath's toes curl and flex as the long blowjob starts to reach it's climax.
"If you keep this up, I'm going to cum soon."
Encouraged to make the big man release, Jergan bobs up and down on the shaft faster, lips sucking for all he's worth. His efforts are rewarded with Heath's countless moans and noises of pleasure he can't hold in. It surprises Jergan when Heath suddenly grabs Jergan's black hair and thrusts his cock as far down the man's throat as it can get. His dick twitches and then erupts into a messy orgasm, cumming down his conquest's throat, filling his lover's stomach with his seed.
Once his dick is done spending his last drops, Heath sighs happily and releases his grip, his dick sliding out of Jergan's well fucked throat. Heath struggles to put his thoughts back in order while Jergan speaks.
"Safe to say, I like cock."
"That was... really good for your first time."
Heath turns over, raising his ass in the air and spreading his cheeks.
"But I'm not leaving till you've shown me how manly you are."
"...wait on second."
Jergan gets some oil as well as a set of handcuffs. With deliberate slowness, he captures one of Heath's wrists, snapping the cuff into place. The chain rattles as he threads it around the bedpost and cuffs the other wrist, securing his prize.
He leans in, his breath warm against Heath's ear, voice a low, teasing growl. "You, big guy, aren't going anywhere."
His fingers trace down Heath's spine, lingering possessively.
"From now until I decide otherwise…"
A firm squeeze, a wicked chuckle.
"This ass belongs to me."
Teasing him for a bit, he glides his thick half chub back and forth between Heath's buttocks, getting himself nice and hard before sliding into Heath's awaiting hole. He gasps and arches his back, trembling at the sudden entry, marveling at how right a cock in his ass felt. His ring clenches tightly around its welcome intruder. Soon, has bottomed out. Slowly, Jergan begins to slap his hips against the blacksmith's rear end.
As Jergan groans and grinds against him, a sweet moan escapes Heath's lips. Heath is no slouch and moves his backside, slapping his hips back with ecstatic acceptance. His slickening cock is sheer bliss. Grinning in amusement, Jergan grabs the chain binding Heath's wrists and picks up the pace. Heath moans in ecstasy, melting into the slamming thrusts the grinning man throws out. Heath's hands fight against the chains binding them, loving the feeling of being helpless against the waves of pleasure Jergan fucks into him. Heath bottoms out in shameless ecstasy, his body gleefully taking the thick shaft it was made to please. Every blade needs a sheath and Heath's plump ass is put to its use. Jergan moves a hand, softly gripping the bulging fat cock leaking and throbing at the touch. Jergan changes pace and begins giving slow, long, delicate thrusts, gradually drawing more and more girth out each time. Heath's gasps turn into moans.
The air has changed to a love-making pace, unhurried to raise pleasure towards an immense peak and more towards Jergan's cock repeatedly sawing against his prostate. Jergan gazes at Heath as he fucks him, enamoured, remaining focused on Heath's pleasure as he pants like a dog in heat.
"Hang on."
Jergan pauses to undo the handcuffs, sliding out from Heath's hole with a wet pop.
"Jergan... I feel so empty."
"Turn over. I want to see your face while I fuck you."
He complies and it's not too long a wait before the weapon fills its sheath again. Each thrust and groan is met by grinds and presses against Heath's prostate. His cock throbs and milks out spunk onto Heath's chest. Jergan's hand is slicked up and still jerking Heath off almost painfully as his sensitive spots are mashed again and again and again. He cries out as his tender backdoor milks the girthy cock. Heath is too lost in lust to notice Jergan gazing at Heath as he continues plowing him. Slathered in pre-cum, Jergan's hand makes a slick, sweer sounds. Heath approaches his climax, grunting and back flexing.
"C'mon, Heath, don't hold back. That's it~"
An intense anal orgasm rips through Heath. Gasping for breath, body twitching against him, his shaft pressing hard on your prostate. The hand stroking Heath's dick suddenly shifts to the tip, gently but insistently kneading and massaging the sensitive flesh. Jergan groans as he cums, and cums hard, his dick bloating Heath's stomach with seed. Hot cum slowly running down Heath's dick, gooey strands stretching and breaking from Jergan's palm as he removes his hand.
"I'm not done with you yet, Heath. I'm just starting to enjoy this."
------------
After a few more orgasms, Jergan decides groans as he thrusts one final time into Heath's stomach, his bloated potent seed pumping. To Heath's surprise, Jergan wraps both arms around him and softly presses into the nape of his neck. He had signaled his readiness to part, only for the man to clutch his waist possessively. Jergan feels weary and doesn't want the first man in his bed to leave yet.
"Can we fall asleep like this?"
Heath, warm and satisfied, silently agrees and falls asleep.
------------
*crowing, but distantly away*
The sunlight bleeds lazily through the curtains when Heath stirs, limbs heavy in the sheets. Memories of last night match the ache in his rear. But now, he turns over and-
There he was. Jergan stands shirtless, half-lit by morning light, pulling on black leather gloves with slow, deliberate precision. Heath's breath catches. Jergan's guardsman uniform has always looked good on him, but getting dressed was a treat that had Heath entranced. The tailored cut clung to Jergan's frame like it had been designed to worship him.
Jergan glances over his shoulder, catching Heath's gaze, and there's a flicker of a smirk.
"You're awake."
His voice is low as he slips his arms into his long coat with a theatrical flourish. He turned to face the bed fully, adjusting the belt at his waist, the leather creaking softly.
"You're working today."
Heath murmured, but the words were thick with appreciation, eyes lingering at Jergan's hips, where the coat flares slightly, swaying with every movement.
"I'm not, I noticed someone staring like he needed discipline."
Jergan steps forward, boots heavy on the floorboards, posture shifting straighter, more authoritative. The air between them changes. He's a different man now, Jergan the guardsman.
"Lurking in the quarters of an officer is an unauthorized."
Jergan growls, standing at the foot of the bed, voice rough with command. Heat flares in Heath's chest and down his spine. He liked this version of Jergan. He wasstern and in control, the weight of law behind every teasing word.
"Didn't mean to intrude, sir."
Heath's voice is almost shy.
"You might not have meant to, but you're still here."
Jergan's glove-clad fingers crooks Heath's chin up to meet his eyes.
"Looks like someone's going to have to answer for that."
Heath swallowed hard, muscles coiled beneath the sheets.
"Guess I'll have to... submit to an inspection?"
Jergan's grin sharpened, dark and amused.
"Full inspection. Thorough."
Jergan knew power and knew exactly how to wield it. His gloved fingers drags slowly down Heath's exposed chest, the smooth leather a sharp contrast to the heat beneath Heath's skin. His touch wasn't gentle, it was commanding, possessive, like he was marking territory with every slow press.
"Still haven’t explained yourself. Sneaking into an officer's bed… what kind of delinquent are you?"
Jergan's eyes darken with something primal flickering behind them. He leaned in, letting the edge of his uniform's crisp collar brush Heath’s jaw as he whispers.
"I suppose I'll have to punish you properly."
He steps back and strips Heath of the blanket with a swift tug, exposing him entirely to the cool air and Jergan's ravenous gaze. Heath’s body was already at full mast with anticipation, breath uneven as Jergan circled the bed slowly, savoring the view like a predator sizing up prey. There was a thrill in the way Jergan looked at him with authority and hunger, desire barely restrained by the uniform's strict buttons and polished belt.
"You’re unlucky, I brought my baton."
Jergan grabs his package ludely.
"You're going to see how I deal with disobedience."
He climbs onto the mattress, knees pressing into the sheets, the long coat parting around him. The weight of him, the scent of liquor and heat, it overwhelmed. Jergan pressed in close, one hand bracing beside Heath's head, the other trailing a lazy, possessive path down his abdomen.
"Tell me what you want."
Lips brush Heath’s ear.
"I want you to take control of me, sir."
Heath breathed, voice trembling with need. A low, satisfied sound rumbles from Jergan's throat.
And then his mouth was on Heath's, rough and demanding, no space left between them. The gloves, the uniform, the weight of power and heat - it all crashed into Heath like a wave. There was no gentleness now, just need and tongue and lips and teeth. By the time they part, Heath is trembling beneath him, breathless and aching.
Jergan's kisses trailed from Heath's mouth to his throat, biting just enough to make him arch, to make him feel owned. His gloved hand presses flat against Heath’s chest, holding him down as he hovers above, the weight of his presence anchoring everything around them.
"Look at you, all worked up and I haven't even given you your real punishment yet."
He leans back slightly, letting Heath see him how well the guardsman uniform clungs to him in all the right places, the tension of his erection straining, tempting. Jergan knew exactly what he was doing, every movement deliberate, teasing, taunting. He slipped one glove off, slowly, finger by finger, before gripping the bare hand to Heath’s cock, hot and grounding around the dark velvet rod.
"I can feel your pulse in your dick. You’re going to behave now, aren't you?"
"I’m trying."
Jergan's smirk deepened as he bent down, lips brushing just under Heath’s ear.
"Then I don't want to hear your voice at all. I don't care if you moan like a bitch in heat like you did last night. Not. A. Peep."
Heath's body aches for the man.
"Keep looking at me like that and I'll forget the whole roleplay and just ruin you properly."
Heath smiles, breathless.
"Promise?"
Jergan's eyes burn.
"Orders."
Jergan pulls down his pants, erection springing free from their confines. Grabbing Heath firmly by the hair, he pulls him into his crotch, cock grinding against his cheek and balls against his beard. Heath turns puts his lips around the cockhead as Jergan forces the huge cock into his mouth. Jergan can't resist the warm hole his crush offers and forces Heath's throat to do the work pleasuring the massive prick. LHe holds the firm grip on has on Heath's skull, pushing him down so hard, he start gagging loudly. It's violent and Heath's gasps for air turn on the two men.
"We'll have to train this gag reflex out of you."
Jergan enjoys the fantasy of using his work uniform while getting a blowjob. Heath is in absolute hog heaven, his own cock throbbing while being handsome Jergan's cocksleeve. He gets to be a good slut for his bully. Soon, Jergan holds Heath by the ears and moves his head up and down his length as Heath sucks and licks the whole time. Heath's only thoughts are about the throbbing boner pushing into his depths. It's not long before Jergan can't hold back and holds Heath to his hairy base, thick ropes of cum shoot down his esophagus, cock emptying itself into Heath. Once Jergan stops seeing stars, he lets go of his lover. A wet sloppy sound emits from Heath as the hefty dick slides out. Heath suckles and pulls the last drops of cum from Jergan, sucking the cock clean.
"This was a good way to start the day. Sorry if I was too rough-"
"That was hot as fuck!"
"...oh! Hehe, I'm glad! I was kind of unsure and nervous I was making a fool of myself. But, you're uh, clearly enjoying this."
He points down at Heath's engorged dick.
"Heh. Yeah. And while I'd love to keep having sex, I have to do some work today. We should... do this again sometime?"
"I'd like that too Heath. But, uh... I'm not... out yet. I'd... kind of like to keep it that way for now. If that's okay."
"Sure. I get it. Being yourself can get you some hate in the village."
"Thanks."
The two part, unaware that someone has seen them come from Jergan's home. Someone who hatches a plan for Heath. About time to dumb ox be put in his place.
