“Did you just kiss him?”
The words stopped Jake dead in his tracks and he froze, his whole body going stiff as a fear unlike anything else he had ever felt crashed through him, threatening to knock him to the floor.
He tried to speak, tried to say anything, to defend himself, but no words would come. His heart felt like it had both stopped and yet was beating faster than it ever had before. He wanted to cry, scream, throw up and run away all at the same time but his body wouldn’t allow him to do any of those things. He just stayed on the spot, looking at the stairs where his brother stood glaring at him.
“Well?” Marcus demanded, slowly walking down the final few steps until he was standing in front of his younger brother.
“Marcus…” Jake barely managed to say, no louder than a whisper. He still couldn’t believe his brother was there, that he had seen them.
“I saw that, right?” Marcus asked. “You kissed him?”
“I…” Jake tried to reply. He wasn’t ready for this conversation. He didn’t know what to say.
“What the fuck, Jake?” Marcus spat.
Jake’s mind was racing but his body and mouth couldn’t keep up.
Marcus stared at him. “I don’t get it. What was that? A week ago you were fucking that Tina girl. Now I come home and find you making out with Evan. What the hell, bro?”
“I… I just…” Jake started.
“What? Are you fucking him now too?” Marcus asked.
Jake sighed deeply, swallowed the lump in his throat and finally regained the ability to speak. “No. I broke up with Tina.”
“Oh shit!” Marcus gasped, reading between the lines. “For him?”
Jake swallowed again before nodding, “Yes.”
“Nah, I’m not buying this,” Marcus said, shaking his head. “You knew I was upstairs, right? This is some kind of prank. Where’s Ryan? Is he filming all of this?”
“No,” Jake stated. “He’s not here.”
“But then…” Marcus paused. “You really were kissing him? Like for real?”
“Yes,” Jake confirmed quietly.
“Why?” Marcus asked.
“What?” Jake replied, confused.
“Come on, bro, you’re not gay. I’ve seen you with girls; flirting, kissing, trying to get into their panties. There’s no way that was all a lie,” Marcus said.
“No, it wasn’t,” Jake answered, honestly.
“So what? You’re curious? Is that it?” Marcus stared at his brother. When Jake didn’t reply he continued. “Tell me that’s all it is.”
Jake shook his head, “No.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Marcus screamed. His hands balled up into fists.
“No,” Jake said again, making sure Marcus understood that he wasn’t lying, all the while keeping his eyes on his brother’s hands, waiting for the first punch to be thrown.
“There’s no way…” Marcus said, shaking his head. “You’re not gay.”
“No,” Jake said again.
“Is that all you can fucking say?” Marcus snapped. He turned around and looked like he was going to punch the wall but he stopped himself and turned back to look at his younger brother. “I don’t understand, Jake.”
Jake knew this was it, he had to tell the truth, there was no point hiding anything when Marcus had already seen him kissing Evan, so he took another deep breath and tried to explain. “I’m not gay. But I’m not straight either.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Marcus cried, gesturing wildly with his hands.
Jake sighed. “I still like girls, okay? But I like Evan more.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Marcus said, turning away again.
“You think this is easy for me?” Jake challenged. “I’m still trying to get my head around all of this and now here I am having to explain myself to you when I don’t even understand it.”
Marcus stared at him. “So what? You’re saying you don’t like other guys?”
“Yes,” Jake admitted. “It’s just Evan.”
“How the fuck does that work?” Marcus exclaimed.
“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know.” Jake shouted back. “All I know is how I feel about him. That I do understand.”
“Is it because he’s gay?” Marcus asked.
“What?” Jake replied, confused.
“Is it because he’s gay and he’s made you curious to try his side of things?” Marcus continued.
“No,” Jake stated, shaking his head. “It’s not like drinking a beer or smoking a joint. I’m not doing it just because my friend does.”
Marcus was silent for a long moment. “You really like him that way?”
“Yes,” Jake confirmed.
“I just don’t believe it,” Marcus said, throwing his hand up like he was waving it off.
“Then what do you want me to say, bro?” Jake asked.
Marcus looked at him, “I want you to say that this is a phase you’ll grow out of. I want you to say that you’re just curious and you’re messing around with Evan because he’s your best friend and that once you’re done you’ll move on and have a normal life with a woman.”
Jake stared back at his brother. “I can’t say that.”
Marcus sighed and bit his bottom lip before speaking. “Why? How do you know it’s not a phase?”
“Because I don’t think it is,” Jake said.
Marcus laughed, “You don’t think? Okay, answer me this… how long have the two of you been fooling around?”
Jake hesitated for a moment. “About a week.”
“A week? Are you serious? One fucking week!” Marcus scoffed. “How can you be sure about anything after a week? Next week you could be back to fucking pussy.”
Jake wasn’t amused and when he didn’t reply straight away the smirk on Marcus’s face dropped into a frown.
“I’m sure, okay?” Jake said, seriously. “This isn’t some random thing I’ve decided to do for a bit of fun. It’s been on my mind for a while. I kept trying to deny it but I can’t anymore.”
“Wait…” Marcus said, slowly approaching his brother so he could really look into his eyes. “You’re really not joking, are you?”
“No,” Jake said. “I feel things with him that I’ve never felt before. I know it’s different. That it’s right.”
“Nah, bro, look,” Marcus started. “I’ll pretend this didn’t happen, okay? I didn’t see anything. I’ll look the other way and give you time to get this out of your system and then everything can go back to normal.”
“I’m not getting over it,” Jake stated.
“What?” Marcus asked, not believing what he just heard.
Jake stared at his big brother. “You still think this is something I’m going to grow out of, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Marcus replied.
“Why?” Jake demanded. “Why would you think that? Why would…”
“Because I did,” Marcus snapped, his eyes going wide the moment the words were out of his mouth.
Jake was stunned. Did his brother really just say that?
“Wait? What?” Jake asked, reeling from the outburst. “You…”
“Shut up!” Marcus screamed. “I’m not talking about this. It’s just a phase. The sooner you realise that the better. In a few weeks, months, whatever, this will all blow over, you’ll be with another girl and we can forget this ever happened.”
“But…” Jake started to reply.
“That’s all this is, Jake!” Marcus shut him down and began to walk towards the stairs. He stopped just before he placed his foot on the bottom step. “And don’t even think about telling Mom and Dad about any of this.”
Jake stood in shocked silence as his brother disappeared up the stairs.
*
The loud knocking on the front door made Emily jump and she quickly got up from her seat on the sofa and raced across the room to answer it.
“Jake?” she asked, surprised as she opened the front door and saw her best friend standing there with a strange look on his face. “What are you doing…?”
“Can I come in?” Jake interrupted before she could finish. His arms were shaking and he was tapping his foot on the step.
“Of course,” Emily said, stepping aside. “My mom is upstairs.”
“Okay,” Jake nodded, understanding. “Can we go into the backyard?”
“Yeah,” Emily said. She led the way through the kitchen and out of the double doors to the yard, only stopping to grab her coat from the hook. “What’s wrong?”
Jake sat down on the edge of the decking, staring at the ground beneath his feet. He started to speak as Emily sat down beside him. “Marcus saw us.”
“What do you mean?” Emily asked, leaning in closer.
“He saw me with Evan,” Jake explained. “We were fooling around in my room and didn’t hear him come home.”
“Oh wow… Did he catch you, you know..?” Emily asked.
“No,” Jake said. “Just kissing. It was when Evan was about to leave. But that was enough. I had to tell him about us.”
“Damn…” Emily said. “What happened? Where’s Ev?”
“He went home,” Jake replied.
“How could he go home?” Emily asked. “You’re clearly not okay.”
“He didn’t see Marcus. He doesn’t know that he caught us,” Jake continued. “I was gonna call him, but…”
“But what?” Emily asked.
Jake threw his head back and looked up at the sky above them. “He wouldn’t understand. Everything’s been so easy for him. His family is so accepting. He’d just say everything’s going to be alright and not to worry. I love him, but…”
Emily put her hand on Jake’s arm. “But you are worried?”
“How can I not be, Em? I’m terrified. I don’t know what else to think or feel or do because my head is a complete mess right now,” Jake said.
“What did Marcus say?” Emily asked. “What’s got you so shaken up?”
“He just kept saying that I’m not gay. That I’ll get over whatever I’m feeling now,” Jake explained.
Emily didn’t reply immediately, causing Jake to turn his head to look at her.
“You don’t think that, do you?” Jake asked.
“I can’t speak for you, Jake,” Emily said. “I don’t think it’s true or I wouldn’t have told you to go after Evan before he ended up with Tyler. But I also can’t rule it out as a possibility.”
“I can,” Jake declared.
“Really?” Emily asked.
“Yeah,” Jake nodded. “A couple of weeks ago I would have maybe agreed with you. Even after we spoke and I realised how much I wanted him there was still a little bit of doubt in my mind. But not now. This is different. It’s not just physical. I want him in a way I can’t even really explain.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Emily asked.
“What if my parents don’t accept it?” Jake asked. “It’s not like they’re gonna be expecting it. What if the idea of me being with Ev disgusts them and they don’t want me living in their house anymore?”
“You could move in with Ev,” Emily offered.
“That’s not the point,” Jake said. “They’re my parents, Em. I love them so much. I can’t imagine my life without them, but what if they don’t… if they can’t…”
Jake broke off and he closed his eyes trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to blur his vision.
Emily quickly wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her. She had never seen Jake like that before. He was usually to strong and confident but now his big body melted against hers as she held him.
“Try not to think about it,” Emily said.
“It’s all I can think about, Em,” Jake sniffed. “If they can’t accept me… If they don’t want to see me again…”
“That won’t happen, Jake,” Emily tried to comfort him. “They love Ev and they know he’s gay.”
“But he’s not their son,” Jake said. “All they talk about is when we grow up and have kids of our own. That’s not going to happen now. Not for me with Ev.”
“It doesn’t mean you can’t try,” Emily quipped trying to lighten the moment.
Jake chuckled against her neck but never loosened his grip on the hug. It was another thirty seconds before he pulled back and looked at her.
“Marcus told me not to tell them,” Jake said, wiping away a tear. “He said if it is a phase and I change my mind I can never take it back, but I don’t know if that was just an excuse. I don’t know. It’s all fucked up.”
“Do you have to tell them?” Emily asked.
“What’s the alternative?” Jake asked. “Lie to them? Keep Ev a secret and sneak around?”
“You could…” Emily said.
“That’s not fair to Ev. And it’s not what I want. That’s why we told his parents. So we wouldn’t have to lie and could just be us,” Jake explained. “Yeah, it happened quicker than either of us planned or expected but it was always going to happen at some point.”
“So just give it some time,” Emily replied. “You don’t have to tell them straight away, right? You can see where things go, how you feel. You can tell them when you’re ready, when the time is right.”
“But what if they find out before that?” Jake asked. “Someone could let it slip. You know. Marcus knows. Ev’s whole family knows. Tyler knows…”
Emily looked at Jake sympathetically. “Tyler’s not going to out you Jake, I promise you. He’s not the guy you think he is. He puts on an act at school to cover for himself. He knows what you’re going through because he’s in the same position you are.”
“Evan said that. But I still can’t trust him,” Jake replied. “We both know he’ll do anything to make his football buddies laugh.”
“Not that,” Emily reasoned. “He’s not stupid, Jake. He knows you could just out him straight back and ruin his life. You two are so alike and you can’t even see it.”
“Thanks…” Jake rolled his eyes.
“Just try not to dwell on it too much,” Emily said. “You’ll give yourself away if you do. Marcus told you not to tell your parents, right? Which means he’s not going to tell them either. Take a few days. Think it over. And I’m always here whenever you need me.”
“Thanks Em,” Jake smiled, pulling her in for another hug.
*
“He saw us?” Evan asked, feeling shocked at first before he began to panic. “Doing what?”
A slight smirk curled the corner of Jake’s mouth. “Just kissing.”
“Fuck…” Evan uttered. “Are you okay?”
“I think I’m still shell-shocked,” Jake admitted. “It kind of feels like a bad dream that I know is real. I didn’t even think about him finding out, but that’s definitely not how I would have liked it to go.”
“What did he say?” Evan asked, concerned.
Jake closed his eyes. He didn’t really want to be having that conversation with Evan but he also didn’t want to lie to him so he knew he had to be honest.
“He was shocked,” Jake explained. “Why wouldn’t he be? It’s not like any of us really saw this coming. He, erm…”
“What?” Evan asked.
“He wanted to know if we were just experimenting. If this is a phase…” Jake continued.
Evan’s body visibly stiffened at those words and he looked almost frightened.
“What?” Jake asked, picking up on it. “Don’t tell me you think that too.”
Evan turned away from Jake and looked out of his bedroom window, staring down at the lawn and then up at the trees along the edge of the pavement.
“It crossed my mind,” Evan admitted quietly, turning back around to look at Jake.
“Seriously?” Jake asked.
“I’m sorry,” Evan said. “It still just feels too good to be true.”
Jake stared at him for a long moment and then closed the distance between them, reaching down to take both of Evan’s hands in his.
“Is it because of how I acted before?” Jake asked.
“What do you mean?” Evan replied.
“On your birthday. When I freaked out and ran away,” Jake explained. “Or when Ryan and Emily interrupted us and I ran again? Or when I put my hands on you?”
“It’s not even that,” Evan sighed. “I think we’re past the point of you running away or getting aggressive with me because you can’t deal with your feelings and I keep pushing you. We’ve slept together. You came out to my parents. That’s honestly more than I ever expected. But…”
“But what?” Jake asked, linking their fingers together as he stared into Evan’s eyes.
“I’m not this lucky, Jake. I’m scared that you’re gonna change your mind, that your brother is right and a few months from now you’ll meet a girl you want to marry and have kids with and I will be that phase you grew out of,” Evan stated.
Jake leaned in and pressed his forehead against Evan’s. “Fuck Ev… I know it’s only been a week, and I can’t really tell you how, but I know that’s not going to happen. What I feel for you is different to anyone else. I kept trying to fight it, but I can’t. I love you. You make me happy. Telling your parents was like liberating or something, it felt good to get it out, to admit it.”
“Does that mean you still want to tell yours?” Evan asked.
Jake moved back but continued to look into Evan’s eyes until he had to look away, breaking the contact.
“I do,” Jake nodded. “I just hate that I don’t know how they’re going to react. It terrifies me.”
“I’m not rushing you, Jake,” Evan said. “We can go at your pace. Wait until after Christmas.”
“That’s a good idea,” Jake said, pulling Evan into a kiss. “What’s another week anyway?”
*
Jake looked at himself in the mirror, trying to decide if he had chosen the right thing to wear. He had never felt so nervous in his life, even when he was competing, and it made him question almost everything.
It was December the 23rd, the night of the annual Christmas dinner between his family and Evan’s that had been held each of the past fifteen years. Normally it was one of the highlights of the holiday season, with great food, great company and great fun. This year should be no different, except for one thing… he and Evan were no longer just best friends and everyone who would be sat around that dinner table knew it; apart from his parents.
Where telling Evan’s mom and dad had been so easy, telling his own seemed like an impossible hurdle that he couldn’t get over. Despite what he had said to Evan and to his brother there had been a couple of times when he had been alone in the kitchen with his mother where he wanted to tell her, but every time he opened his mouth to say something he froze, feeling like he was about to admit to some irredeemable felony that could never be forgiven. Why was it so difficult?
During one of the few times that his brother had actually spoken to him in the last few days, Marcus had again warned him not to say anything, but what if it came out? What if he and Evan gave themselves away? What if one of their brothers made a comment during the playful teasing that usually happened between them? Or if one of Evan’s parents said something that would have normally been a throwaway remark but on this occasion could destroy not just the holiday but the family?
Jake hated how much he doubted himself, how much he was overthinking things, but there was no escaping it. Each day that he kept the secret felt longer than the last and he almost felt desperate, needing to get it out to stop himself from exploding. If he wanted to be with Evan, and he did, he would have to tell them sooner or later, but then with how crazy it was driving him he knew that later wasn’t really an option. It had to be soon.
Just then a beep from his phone pulled his mind away from those thoughts and he turned around to grab it. After typing in his password and clicking on the notification he waited as a picture began to load.
“Oh wow…” he said to himself.
“What do you think?” the accompanying message asked.
He studied the picture and then typed out a reply. “It looks incredible. Your Grandma really lives there?”
Instead of receiving a message back his phone began to ring. He quickly answered it and the screen lit up with Emily’s face.
“Hey,” Emily smiled. “Look at this…”
The image on the screen flipped to the back camera on the phone and Jake watched as Emily walked across what looked like any regular bedroom until she threw open a set of double doors and suddenly he was looking out from a balcony over a snow covered landscape, illuminated by a warm yellow glow and Christmas lights that hung everywhere.
“Damn,” Jake said, for a brief moment imagining that he was there instead of in his own room.
“In case you thought that photo was fake…” Emily said, flipping the camera back around to be on her face again. “This place is amazing. The flight was boring as hell but I’m so glad we came here for Christmas this year. I’m gonna take so many pictures for Instagram. All of those bitches at school are going to be so jealous.”
“I’m jealous,” Jake said. “I’d rather be there than here.”
“Why?” Emily asked. “Is there a problem?”
“Not really,” Jake said, trying to wave it off.
“Jake…” Emily said, tilting her head slightly. She knew when he was holding back.
Jake sighed, “I’m just nervous. It’s our dinner with the families tonight.”
“It will be fine. I told you that yesterday. Ev’s parents are cool,” Emily said. “They quickly came around to the idea of me and Ryan dating when they realized he wasn’t taking advantage of me.”
“Yeah, but my parents…” Jake began.
“They’re not bad people, Jake. They always treat me well when I come over to your place. They’re not like ultra conservative or anything. What makes you think they’re going to react so badly?” Emily asked.
“There are just little things they say,” Jake explained, “the way they look at gay people on TV. It scares me.”
Emily was uncharacteristically silent for a moment. “I don’t know what I can do or say to help.”
“You can tell me what you think of this,” Jake said, holding his phone out so he could show Emily the Christmas sweater he had chosen.
“Put your phone down on the desk. I need to look at you properly,” Emily said.
Jake grabbed a picture he kept on his desk and leaned his phone up against it, angling it so he could step back for Emily to see his whole body.
“Woah…” Emily said, her voice deep, almost a growl.
“What?” Jake asked.
“Have you looked in the mirror?” Emily asked.
Jake quickly spun around to look at himself. He straightened his sweater and turned back to his phone. “What’s wrong?”
“That’s the tightest sweater I’ve ever seen in my life,” Emily said, staring into the phone. “You can see your abs. And your nipples…”
Jake laughed and shook his head. “Is it too much?”
“I mean it depends what the goal is.” Emily replied. “You look incredible. Like take off all your clothes and fuck me right now incredible. But is that what you were going for?”
“I want to look good for Ev…” Jake said, running his hands over his chest like he was brushing out invisible creases. “This is the sweater I wore the first Christmas he had feelings for me. I kind of wanted give him what he wanted back then. Only I wasn’t as built two years ago.”
“No kidding. It’s skin tight. He’ll definitely want to fuck you in it.” Emily stated.
“You mean he’ll want to rip it off me?” Jake asked.
“No. I don’t think he’ll make it that far before he’s on you,” Emily replied.
“You think I should change?” Jake asked.
“For dinner with the parents? I’d say so. Even I wouldn’t go to dinner dressed like that,” Emily laughed.
“But you’re fine being on a call dressed like THAT?” Jake smiled, pointing at the phone.
“What’s wrong with this?” Emily asked, looking down at herself as she moved the phone to show her sitting in black lingerie. “I was just on a call with Ryan…”
“Okay stop. Don’t tell me more. I have to look at his face during dinner,” Jake waved off.
“If you wear that you don’t have to worry about anyone looking at your face,” Emily grinned. “Ev will be hard the whole night.”
“It would be funny…” Jake smiled. “Watch him squirm. But I think I should probably change it.”
Jake reached down and grabbed hold of the bottom of the sweater, pulling it up, but it was much harder than he anticipated. He had to peel it off, not realizing how tight it really was on his muscles. All the while Emily was laughing in the background.
“Will you stop?” Jake demanded. “It’s not funny.”
“Do you need me to call someone for help? You might need a fireman to cut you out of that thing,” Emily grinned.
Jake stopped and glared at the camera. “This isn’t one of those bad pornos you sent me last week.”
“I knew you watched it!” Emily squealed. “Oh my god, the bit where he took that guys legs in his hands and just shoved his di…”
“Emily!” Jake cursed, finally ripping the skin-tight sweater off over his head. “You’re on speaker.”
Emily put her lips together and was fighting hard not to laugh.
“Do you think your mom and dad ever watch…?” Emily started but stopped when she saw Jake turn toward the phone with an expression that said he wanted to kill her.
Jake quickly grabbed another, bigger sweater, with a navy and white Christmas design on it, and pulled on the sweater, smoothing it out over his body.
“What do you think of this one?” he asked.
“I like it.” Emily replied. “You still look hot, but now it’s Instagram hot and not gay porn hot.”
“You and gay porn…” Jake shook his head.
“It’s hot!” Emily exclaimed. “You should watch more. You might learn something new to try on Ev.”
“Jake, are you ready?” Jake’s mom’s voice called from the other side of the door, making Jake jump.
He scrambled across the room and grabbed the phone, turning the speaker off.
“Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute, Mom,” Jake called back, his stomach instantly dropping at the thought of what came next.
He held the phone up to his face, “I hope she didn’t hear that…”
“Will you stop worrying?” Emily replied. “You’re just going to eat and have fun. You can stuff Evan like a turkey later.”
Jake hung up the phone without saying goodbye but shook his head and smiled. Taking one last look at himself he walked out of the door towards his fate.
*
The car ride to Evan’s house wasn’t a part of the night that Jake expected to find uncomfortable, but sitting in the back seat next to his brother, who wouldn’t look at him, much less talk to him, created an uneasy tension for the night ahead. The journey may have taken no more than a few minutes but it felt like hours.
When they pulled up at their destination, Jake unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the handle on the door but his brother’s arm quickly came up and stopped him. Jake froze and turned his head, looking into Marcus’s eyes as their parents stepped out of the car and moved toward the trunk to collect the presents and desserts they had brought with them.
“Don’t even think about telling them tonight,” Marcus warned, holding Jake’s arm. “Just act normal.”
Before Jake could reply Marcus let go of his arm and climbed out of the car, joining their parents. He shook his head. What did Marcus think he was going to do? Propose to Evan in front of everyone?
He got out of the car and looked up at Evan’s house. This was where everything had happened; where he and Evan had finally got together, where they had first had sex, where they had told Evan’s parents. Would it be where his own found out too? Was this the night? Was he ready for that?
With his stomach in knots, Jake fought his instinct to run, to turn the other way and not have to deal with any of it. He had taken that approach when it came to his feelings for Evan; but then look where that had got him. He knew that wasn’t an option. He needed to be strong, to step up and accept whatever was about to happen.
The first few steps were hard, like his body didn’t want to move, and the winter air around him felt harsh, cutting straight through his clothes to send a chill across his skin. But as he cursed himself for not bringing a jacket he looked up and saw the front door beginning to open. A second later a wave of heat spread through him that instantly overwhelmed the cold and his stomach flipped in an entirely different way as his eyes settled on Evan’s face and his fears somehow seemed to disappear.
The parents were the first to greet each other, exchanging pleasantries and hugs. Then as they slipped inside and made their way towards the kitchen it was the brothers’ turn to come together. Ryan and Marcus slapped hands in a sort of shake and then Ryan pulled his best friend into a bro-hug that had them bumping chests and patting each other on the back. Meanwhile Evan and Jake stepped closer to each other, their eyes met, and Jake bit his lip. He wanted so badly to take Evan into his arms and kiss him hard, and he could see that Evan wanted the same thing, but instead they simply followed their brothers and tried to act like the last few weeks hadn’t happened and they were still just best friends.
“Hey,” Evan whispered, trying to hold back a smile.
“Hey,” Jake replied, not even bothering to conceal his.
“How are you feeling?” Evan asked.
“I’m okay,” Jake nodded.
“Emily said you were nervous,” Evan said.
Jake smiled, “She text you?”
“No, she called. She wanted to see what I was wearing,” Evan replied. “She wanted to see if I could make you hard during dinner.”
Jake laughed and shook his head, “She doesn’t even have to be here to be involved. But she could be right.”
Jake looked down over Evan’s body and the tight Christmas sweater he was wearing, showing off the curves of his pecs and biceps. It was nowhere near as tight as the one he had tried on before but it showed Evan’s body off in a way that Jake didn’t think would excite him, but it did. His boyfriend was hot.
“You like it?” Evan asked.
Jake took another look. “Maybe…”
“Maybe?” Evan asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I think it would look better on your bedroom floor,” Jake smiled.
Evan laughed and placed his hand on Jake’s chest. He stared into his eyes and started to lean in towards his face until he remembered where they were and quickly pulled back, looking behind him.
“Marcus is staring at us,” Evan whispered, glancing over at Jake’s brother.
“He probably thinks we’re going to start making out or something,” Jake sighed, looking over to see that Evan was right. “I kind of want to just to see what he would do.”
“Jake!” Evan gasped, though he couldn’t help but smile.
“I want to kiss you so bad,” Jake whispered.
“You think I don’t?” Evan asked. “I never want to stop kissing you now I get to.”
Jake smiled and nearly took Evan into his arms but he fought that urge and they looked at each other in silent understanding. There would be a moment at some point that night when they would get to share that kiss, they just had to wait for it to come.
Any further thoughts were interrupted by Evan’s father appearing in the hallway with a drink in his hand.
“Come join us, boys,” He said, holding up his glass. “’Tis the season.”
“To get drunk?” Ryan asked.
“Hey, Jesus turned water into wine. I think it’s a tribute to his birth that I drink as much of it as I can,” Evan’s father smiled.
Ryan laughed, “Now that’s a tradition I can definitely get on board with.”
“Me too,” Marcus agreed as he followed them into the living room, shooting one final quick glance at Evan and Jake as a warning.
“Come on,” Evan said. “We can do this.”
He took Jake’s hand in his and started to follow but Jake didn’t move, causing Evan to jerk to a stop. He turned around and gave Jake a questioning look until he realised what he had done. He was about to apologise and tried to pull his hand away from Jake’s but Jake didn’t let go, instead he pulled Evan in and planted a long kiss on his lips.
“I just needed to do that. Now we can go in.” Jake smiled, feeling the heat of his own breath against Evan’s face, their lips still just millimetres apart.
Evan let go of Jake’s hand and turned around, walking into the living room. Jake started to follow but then his eyes dropped down onto Evan’s ass and he stopped, not wanting to be caught staring at it when he walked into the room. He still couldn’t believe that he found Evan’s ass as hot as he did but it made him feel warm inside in a way that nothing else did.
Entering the living room, Jake saw the families gathered around; the moms in deep conversation over by the roaring fireplace, swapping stories and discussing the decorations, the dads reclined on the sofas, looking at the TV screen despite their being no sound on, Ryan and Marcus pouring themselves a drink over at the table, and finally Evan, standing by a whiteboard set up on an easel that would be the focus of their inevitable game of Christmas Pictionary.
“What are you drinking little brothers?” Ryan called across the room.
“Only grape juice or soda for Jake,” Jake’s mom ordered. “You’re driving us home, remember, Jakey?”
“Yes Mom,” Jake answered, rolling his eyes, hating when she called him that.
“You can have some of this sparkly stuff,” Ryan said as Evan shot him a look. He turned to his mom. “What even is this? Can you actually drink it?”
“Why don’t you try some first, just in case?” Evan asked.
Ryan smiled and poured some of the purple and gold liquid into three glasses. He handed one to Evan, another to Jake and kept one for himself.
“Merry Christmas guys,” Ryan said, holding his glass up in the air.
“Merry Christmas!” everyone replied, doing the same.
Ryan put his glass up to his lips as the first to toast and drank the juice. “That’s actually really nice.”
Evan and Jake watched as Ryan finished the drink and then touched their glasses together before downing their own. They licked their lips and nodded at each other, smiling as they headed over to the table for more.
The next hour was filled with chatting, more drinking and various different games, culminating in the parents vs. kids game of Pictionary.
“What the hell is that?” Ryan cried, pointing at the board where Marcus had drawn some kind of animal.
“It’s a reindeer,” Marcus answered.
“Woah, hold on, you’re not allowed to talk,” Marcus and Jake’s dad protested.
“Have the poachers been at it?” Ryan asked. “Where are its antlers?”
“I was getting there,” Marcus replied, throwing his hands up.
“Maybe by next Christmas,” Ryan smiled. Evan and Jake laughed beside him.
“Don’t you two start,” Marcus warned. “He’s bad enough.”
“You love me really,” Ryan joked, blowing Marcus a kiss.
Marcus smiled and turned back to the board to continue drawing when he heard a ping.
“Times up!” Jake’s dad called, holding up the timer. “It’s our turn now. Marty, you’re up.”
Evan and Ryan’s dad stood up and stretched like he was preparing to run a marathon.
“Come on old man, we’ve not got all day,” Ryan grinned.
“Call me old man again and you can start paying rent,” Evan’s dad warned through a smile as he walked up to the board.
Finally when the game was over, the parents coming out victorious, they all moved through into the dining room where Evan’s Mom had laid on a beautiful spread with everything from ham and brisket to potatoes and green bean casserole to a chocolate yule log and a spiced apple pie.
They ate the food, continued to drink, popped the crackers, wore the paper crowns and told the terrible jokes that came inside. When it was all finished they were stuffed but very happy.
“This is the part I always hate,” Evan’s mom said.
“Why?” Jake’s mom asked.
“Because now I have to clean up,” Evan’s mom answered.
“Nonsense, you made all of this. The boys can clean up, can’t you boys?” Jake’s mom asked, although it wasn’t really a question.
“Yes Mom,” Jake reluctantly agreed, rising from his chair to start collecting the empty dishes.
“See, he’s such a good boy,” Jake heard his mom say as he headed toward the kitchen. “He’ll make a girl very happy one day.”
Jake froze in the doorway to the kitchen with the dishes in hand and felt a cold tremor rush down his spine. He was about to turn around when he felt a strong hand on the small of his back, pushing him forward into the kitchen.
“It’s okay, Jake,” a voice whispered in his ear. It was Evan’s dad. “Just keep walking.”
Jake let himself be guided into the kitchen. He placed the dishes down on the counter and turned around to look at the older man.
“It’s just an expression. Don’t let it ruin your night,” Evan’s dad said as he placed the dishes he was carrying on the opposite counter. “We’ve been having such a great time.”
“Yeah,” Jake replied. “I just… I wish…”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Jake,” Evan’s dad said. “I know this is hard for you. Me and Evan’s mom are here whenever you need us. You’re part of the family.”
Jake tried to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat. He smiled. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“Any time, Jake,” the older man smiled, patting Jake on the back as Ryan and Evan entered carrying even more dishes.
“Do we really have to wash all of these?” Ryan asked as he placed his dishes down beside the others.
“No, your fairy godmother will come along and do them for you, Ryan,” his father quipped.
Ryan stared at his dad for a long moment but then broke into a smile at the sarcasm.
“You remember that we have a dishwasher, right?” Evan’s dad asked.
“Yeah, but I usually just call her Mom,” Ryan replied.
“Don’t ever let her hear you say that,” his dad laughed. “You won’t see next Christmas.”
“He won’t see New Years,” Evan joined in.
“Come on, Ry,” Evan’s dad said, nodding towards the exit. “What do you say we leave these two youngsters to do the dishes?”
Ryan smiled at his father and then nodded, leaving to head back into the dining room.
“I can’t believe they’re making us wash all of these,” Evan complained.
“I think you’re missing the point,” Jake said.
“Huh…?”
Before Evan could finish what he was about to say Jake pressed him up against the counter and planted a long, deep kiss on his lips, this time not stopping until Evan opened his mouth slightly and their tongues brushed against each other.
“Holy shit,” Evan gasped when they pulled apart.
“I’ve wanted to do that all night,” Jake smiled.
“Somebody could have come in,” Evan said, looking toward the door.
“No, they couldn’t,” Jake replied. “Your dad and Ryan knew exactly what we were going to do. They might even be standing guard.”
“Well in that case…” Evan pulled Jake back in and they kissed hard, almost devouring each other. “Fuck… You’re hard.”
“So are you,” Jake smiled. “I could fuck you up against the sink right now.”
“Jake,” Evan moaned.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to. But when I do get the chance I’m gonna fuck your brains out,” Jake growled.
They kissed again and then broke apart just as Ryan re-entered the kitchen with the final plates and bowls.
“Hope I didn’t interrupt anything…” Ryan grinned.
“You’d have just stood and watched you perv,” Evan smiled.
Ryan laughed and gave his little brother a big hug.
“Woah!” Ryan cried, jumping back. “You might want to actually do the dishes for a while, you know, until that thing goes down.”
Evan looked at the bulge in his pants and his face immediately turned red. Ryan walked back out of the kitchen laughing and Jake started running the water in the sink.
“Alright, let’s do this. Your mom deserves it,” Jake said.
When the dishes were finally washed, dried and put away, Evan and Jake went back to join their families. Their parents were on the sofas in the living room, drinks in hand, Christmas carols playing on the stereo, while Ryan and Marcus had headed out into the back yard to sit beneath the patio heater and look up at the stars. Evan and Jake decided to join their brothers.
“Finally done washing up?” Ryan asked with a smirk.
“Yes,” Evan rolled his eyes. “What are you doing out here?”
“We just needed to get away from the folks for a bit. They get loud when they’re drunk,” Ryan replied.
“Like you don’t?” Evan asked.
“Yeah, but I’m a loveable drunk,” Ryan smiled.
Evan and Marcus both laughed at that.
“What?” Jake asked, feeling like he’d missed something.
“Just be glad you’ve never had to put Ryan to bed when his dumb ass has had too many,” Marcus said. “I don’t miss that dorm room.”
“Hey, we had fun in there,” Ryan protested.
Evan said nothing but he looked from his brother to Marcus to see if there was any deeper meaning to that statement, and then to Jake to see if there was any recognition, but there was nothing.
They sat down on the other side of the heater and slowly sipped on their drinks as they looked up at the incredibly clear sky.
“I dare you to jump in the pool,” Ryan interrupted the silence, looking at his brother.
“Are you crazy?” Evan fired back. “Do you know how cold it is?”
“Pussy,” Ryan laughed.
“I thought your pool was heated?” Jake said.
“It is when it’s switched on,” Evan replied. He turned to his brother, “Why don’t you jump in first and I’ll follow?”
“I’m drunk, not dumb,” Ryan laughed, leaning across to pat his brother on the back.
Evan chuckled, “Well I’m neither.”
“Party pooper,” Ryan pouted. “I bet if Jake told you to strip down and jump in you would.”
Evan shot a look at Jake and then turned to look at Marcus, who had an unreadable expression on his face.
“Come on, Jake,” Ryan said, cutting through any tension before it could build. “Let’s throw him in.”
“What?” Evan squealed as Ryan quickly grabbed him and began to lift him up.
Evan kicked his legs, trying to fight but then gasped when they were caught by two big hands.
“Jake?!” Evan squealed.
Jake smiled as he met Ryan’s gaze and held Evan’s legs as he squirmed and tried to escape. They got him all the way to the pool edge and Evan began to scream as they swung him three times before finally lowering him to the ground and bursting out laughing.
“You fucking assholes!” Evan cried, slapping his brother and then Jake on the chest. “I really thought you were going to throw me in.”
“Aww, we wouldn’t do that, Ev,” Jake grinned. He stepped closer to Evan and slipped his arms around Evan’s waist.
“I would have,” Ryan laughed.
“It would have been funny,” Jake smiled, leaning down to place a kiss on Evan’s lips.
“What the fuck?!” Marcus screamed, interrupting the fun as he jumped up. “You’re really gonna kiss him here? What if Mom and Dad saw that?”
They all looked back at the house but their parents were nowhere in sight, the Christmas music still blasting out from the stereo.
“Hey, calm down, Marcus,” Ryan said.
“Don’t tell me to calm down,” Marcus protested. “They just fucking kissed.”
“Yeah, and?” Ryan asked. “It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve seen it.”
“What?” Evan, Marcus and Jake all gasped at the same time.
“You know about that? About them?” Marcus asked.
“Yes,” Ryan confirmed.
“And you didn’t say anything to me?” Marcus continued.
“No,” Ryan stated. “It’s none of my business.”
“The fuck it isn’t. They’re our brothers,” Marcus replied.
“Oh, now you want to be his brother?” Ryan quipped.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Marcus demanded, stepping up to Ryan.
“You’ve not exactly been supportive of him, have you?” Ryan replied. “Trying to convince him what he’s feeling is just a phase and then blanking him like he doesn’t exist.”
“Is that what he told you?” Marcus asked, glaring at Jake.
“No, it’s not. He didn’t tell me anything,” Ryan replied.
“Then how do you know?” Marcus asked.
“Because my girlfriend told me,” Ryan stated. “After your little brother went to cry on her shoulder because of what you said to him.”
“What?” Marcus turned to look at Jake, who couldn’t look his brother in the eye. “I made you cry?”
Jake felt his cheeks flush from embarrassment. He wanted to be anywhere else but there at that moment but he nodded.
“What do you expect?” Ryan asked. “He bares his soul to you and all you can say is that it’s a phase he’ll get over?”
“Because it probably is,” Marcus argued.
“Why?” Ryan replied. “Why would it be?”
Marcus opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it. He looked at Evan and Jake and then back at Ryan.
“Wait…” Ryan started piecing it together. “Is this because of what we did?”
Marcus stiffened and the colour drained from his face. “Ry…”
“For fucks sake, Marcus, they’re not us,” Ryan said. “You think because we got curious and fucked around that that’s all they’re doing?”
Marcus’s jaw dropped open and he looked at Jake to see the exact same expression on his little brother’s face.
“Look at them, Marcus,” Ryan continued. “You know they’re not us. You’re my best friend but we’ve never had what they have.”
Evan and Jake turned to each other and smiled.
“Fuck…” Marcus groaned. He turned to his brother. “You actually love him, don’t you?”
Jake nodded, “Yes.”
Marcus sat down and put his head in his hands. Ryan went over to him and placed a hand on his back.
“I can’t believe this,” Marcus said. He looked at Jake again. “You’re really gay?”
“I don’t know what I am,” Jake shrugged. “But I know I want to be with Ev.”
“I know it’s tough to understand but we need to be there for them,” Ryan said, his hand still on his best friend’s back. “They’re our little brothers. It’s our job to look out for them, to protect them and support them. No matter what.”
Marcus was silent for a long time, thinking over everything. Eventually he started to nod.
“Are you okay?” Ryan asked.
“I don’t know,” Marcus replied honestly. “I never even thought this was a possibility.”
“Neither did I,” Ryan agreed.
“Neither did we,” Jake said. “It’s as new to us as it is to you.”
“That’s what worries me,” Marcus replied. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jake. I just don’t want you to make a mistake by jumping into something too quickly.”
“I know,” Jake nodded. “I appreciate that. But I know it’s not a phase. I know I’m not gonna stop loving Evan. Can you accept that?”
“I think so,” Marcus said after a long pause. “It might take some time, but I’ll get there.”
“Okay. So we’re all good?” Ryan asked.
“We’re good,” Marcus and Jake both answered at the same time.
“Awesome!” Ryan shouted. “Now let’s stop all this goddamn serious stuff and lets go in there, drink some more and dance our asses off. It’s Christmas!”
To be continued…
