Dad’s thoughts
Now I’m lying here still naked spooning with Jaxon. I can tell from his rhythmic breathing that he’s fast asleep, lost to the world in his own dreams and I wonder, like I used when he was a kid, lying beside him on the bed and watching him sleep, what those dreams are that’s causing the same little boy half-smile he has never lost….
Still, at least one of us is dreaming. The other one is wide awake. And right now, I’m conscious of how the sweat on my back is cooling, whilst the perspiration on my chest is still warm and damp against the heat of his smooth body, aware that as he snuggles further back into me, he pulls my arms tight around him as if he is scared I’ll disappear. That he’ll lose me one day like I’d lost him. Or maybe he’s as scared as me… scared what all this means… scared of what the future may hold…. His senses shaken by the violent passion we’ve just experienced together.
And it was violent… brutal… red toothed and raw… animal sex in all its lust-fuelled glory. So different from any sensual love making we’d experienced before that even as I replay it in my mind it is like watching another couple…
….like one of those set piece father and son porn videos… there’s the big hairy dad blindly slamming his cock into the younger smoother lad. He’s older. Dominant and every thrust makes his once-firm pecs tremor slightly. Cut to a close up of the dad’s face… lips drawn back; his teeth clenched: he’s calling the lad his ‘little boy’; telling him how good it feels to fuck him. There are beads of sweat on his brow.
Cut to the son’s face twisted in pain… his mouth open screaming ‘daddy’ so loud a big hand appears and muffles him.
Then another close-up. This time it’s a fat glistening cock ramming into a bald butthole; pulling back and dragging the ring muscle out along the shaft, out just far enough that only the father’s helmet stays hidden… there’s a pause followed by a violent thrust to the root that makes that muscle cave in. The lad yells ‘daddy’ again. Louder this time and the father says, ‘that’s it lil boy, take your daddy’s big dick’.
Pan back to a long shot and there they are locked together, the sons legs around the fathers waist, his toes curling, feet kicking… a screaming, kicking, clawing helpless lad…. who isn’t really helpless or in pain at all… in the video it’s just acting… it’s just the titillation of incest for the camera without the familial connection the real performers had. This is sex where the afterglow is a shower and a pay-check… simply a fuck for the camera that had no context, past or future… but unlike them we weren’t just players… what we did was us and we weren’t acting.
It was real. Every grunt, every scream, each bite and growl, the sound of sweaty bodies slapping together and each merciless stab of my dick into my son’s tender ass hole was the real deal. Nothing faked. Nothing scripted.
Yes incest porn is porn and one of Jaxon’s favourite scenarios and has been for some time. For me it’s still new but becoming more and familiar as the weeks become months. But I wonder how many fathers and sons get to experience that in real life? How many other fathers and sons all over the world are lying spent and sated like we are now?
And as I mentally check out my body I’m aware of something else… it’s not only the unfamiliar stickiness between my cheeks where Jaxon spunked when he humped me that I can feel but a warm tingling in my pucker I have never felt before… as though my butt-hole is still smouldering where Jaxon pushed his finger deep into my ass as I fucked him.
Hell! Did he really do that? Yes he did. And did I push back, fucking myself on his finger. Yes I did and when I clench my butt muscles I get all proof I need as that warm feeling becomes a pulse as though my hole has taken on a new life of its own… been woken up from a sleep that’s lasted 65 years…
…like Sleeping Beauty kissed by the prince… and that thought makes me smile… except is it really Beauty and the Beast? Am I really just a big old bear passed his prime and the beauty is right there in front of me, held tight in my arms…. the masculine beauty of my own son.
Well, past his prime or not this is one old dog that’s learned a few new tricks, stuff I never thought I’d learn, let alone want to know….
But as contented as I feel right now as I hold my sleeping son’s body tight against me there are so many questions tumbling and tangling around in my brain that I’m struggling to find rational answers to any of them. So perhaps the answer is to unpick them one at a time to find some logic in our situation.
Situation? That’s just office-speak Tom, and you know it. The word you mean to say is ‘relationship’ but you’re too afraid to say it. So go on, say it, try it for size, let those words roll around your tongue for the first time like you did your boys slimy knob… Come on man, see how it feels to hear yourself say, ‘I am in a relationship with my own son’….
And I got to admit it sounds fucking amazing! Did either of us ever think that just a few weeks after our camping adventures we’d be here, right now, spent, content and smelling and tasting of each other?
Relationships have always meant alarm bells in my head. I had one with Jaxon’s mother and that didn’t work out so perhaps I’m just not ‘relationship’ guy except… Isn’t that what I had with Jaxon when he was a kid?
Didn’t I always care about him? Wasn’t I always proud when he achieved something and just as proud when he had the good sense to see failure as a chance to grow? Wasn’t the bottom line that I was always so damned glad to see him, to spend whatever free time I had with him and… wasn’t I always the happiest dad on the planet when he’d creep into our room and choose my side of the bed and not his mother’s?
And later…. as he matured wasn’t I determined to be there for him as he entered that bewildering world of hormones and puberty?
So maybe I am relationship material after all…. just not with women but with one special person… my own son.
But as I say it, as I nuzzle my face against his shoulder, I know there are three words missing… ‘physical’… ’sexual’… and ‘incestuous.’ Yet even as I consider those three factors I know there is a fourth word that ties them all together. And that word is ‘love’.
Lying here with Jaxon in my arms I know I have never felt so much love for another human being. Oh, I’ve pretended. What man hasn’t? I mean show me one guy who hasn’t slid his dwindling dick out of a well-churned pussy and whispered, ‘I love you’, only to wash them away in the morning shower along with the scents of last night’s fuck… and her name and number?
Maybe it’s different with somebody you’ve loved for twenty-five years… because that’s how long I’ve loved Jaxon…. maybe that feeling is always there… perhaps it’s still that protectiveness you feel for your own kid…. be careful you don’t fall, watch out as you cross the road… the little hug… the quick kiss on the top of the head…. the little boy you put your arm around at night when he’s crept into your bed after a bad dream….
Can that always be there between any father and son? Is it just the way you show it that changes… it’s no longer a quiet bedtime moment reading his favourite story for the umpteenth time… no longer the joy you feel in your heart at his face when he sees that surprise Christmas gift of a bike that cost way more than you intended…
Now it’s the rush you get when those lips slide up and down your cock, the sensation of his tongue on your balls, the way you feel when those legs wrap around you pulling you deeper and deeper inside him…
And maybe it’s the fact even right now when he’s cuddled into me, or even when I’m washing him in the shower the whole thing still feels so damned parental…. just like it always did?
So, Tom, ask yourself is that what all this is about? Jaxon and myself re-discovering that strong parental bond we always had but in a new and adult way?
Whilst I’m still contemplating this Jaxon snuggles back even tighter into the curve of my embrace and I’m aware that his ass is leaking cum into my bush… my own cum… seeping out of his butt… slimy and warmed by his inner heat… leaking what’s left of the massive load his father unleashed inside him when….
…when I had one of the most powerful orgasms of my life…. making love to another man… with a finger teasing its way inside my butt…
And that’s the thing, it isn’t just sex…. whether Jaxon is my own son or not, he’s a guy … it’s gay sex… something I never thought I’d do in a million years.
Me? Get naked and hard in front of another guy because the sight of him stripping off, the sight of his arse and his dick gives you such a boner you think your cocks gonna explode? No way! Have him suck you off and make you cum in his mouth? Never! Kiss him afterwards and taste your own sperm on his lips? Touch him? Enjoy exploring every part of his body as much as you enjoy him exploring yours. No fucking way José!... and yet….
…the sight of Jaxon naked or even semi naked always sends the blood pulsing straight to my dick. Even from a purely aesthetic point of view there is no doubt the skinny hairless kid has grown into a fine specimen of manhood… just like I’d always hoped he would.
But Jesus Christ! In the last few weeks I have learned so much about that body. The firm smoothness of the light muscles under his skin, the taste of those sparse hairs in his pits, the way his nipples always react to my kisses and teeth… the softness of his scant bush… learning every contour of his cock from the fuzzy base of the shaft to the well-defined ridge of his helmet sheathed under his foreskin…
And there are other even more recent intimate memories, the taste of his butt, the intoxicating scent of his secret place as I spread his cheeks… the way that ribbed muscle blossomed against my tongue when I bury my face in his crack and feast wantonly on his pucker… eating it like its every one of the pussies I’ve ever gone down on…. only it isn’t a wet drooling slit, it was a tight ring that gradually opens to allow my tongue to burrow in his hidden depths and then….
Fuck! The way that tight hole engulfs my entire dick - rippling, squeezing its way along every inch and the warm moist friction as my bare knob thrusts again and again into his spongy yielding walls…
But the son has also taught the father too. Stuff that he never knew about his own body.… each discovery up there with that momentous and electric day when I was a kid and experienced for the first time the toe-curling, ab crunching, breathless pleasure my own fist could beat out of my little hard bald willy….
And with every new pleasure he’s led me further and further away from the old Tom with all my heterosexual certainties to the point where I can’t believe making love with my son feels so natural… that sex with another guy could be so rapturous and mind-blowing in a way it has never been with a woman.
I press myself harder against the firm curve of his naked butt under the sheets, my soft cock wedged in the heat of his sticky crack… knowing that between those cheeks is that tight pink butt-hole I’ve touched, fingered, kissed, tasted…. felt twitch as I swept my tongue over the ribbed muscle and buried my nose in its intimate musk…. a hole that grips my dick so hard the mere action of pushing against the memory is enough to peel my foreskin back slightly over my slimy slumbering knob…
Jaxon moans softly in his sleep and instinctively draws his knees higher towards his chest and I know if I was even halfway hard I’d find it hard to resist the urge to push my way back inside. As it is I feel another small trickle of cum ooze on to my dick…
Go on Tom… it’s not just about kissing and cuddling is it? Or his hand wanking you off? Nor your lad licking your balls or biting your nipples is it? Or even discovering the pleasure of cumming in his tight butt…. Admit it man! He’s even explored your ass – and you loved it.
Fuck! Yes! Yes! YES! Jesus Christ YES! I never knew, I mean… I’d never even touched myself there and certainly none of the women I’ve ever been with have… maybe women don’t… or is it that us guys are so fixated on the intense pleasure building in the end of our cocks that we send off some signal that it’s off limits, not daring to acknowledge the likelihood of there being somewhere else, anywhere else that could feel as good as our dicks in a pussy….
Or is it because we’re men and butts are a gay thing, and that unexplored ring represents the last bastion of our masculinity?
Had that been how I’d felt when Jaxon said he wanted to fuck me? Perhaps it wasn’t the thought of the pain involved taking a cock that size up my virgin ass but the fear that in doing so my son would rob me of my essential maleness?
But would it Tom? Would it really? And before you hide behind being straight… you may have been once but now?…. Think about it… didn’t your boy’s tongue make you so horny you jerked off as he rimmed you?… And what about when he fingered you? How amazing was it to feel the power of your orgasm as those new sensations ripped through your entire body?
Think about it Tom… and remember….
And I am remembering… remembering enough to feel my slumbering cock twitch in his crack as he snuggles fast asleep in my arms… but maybe even in this taboo world of incest where normal rules don’t apply did twenty-five-year-old sons, or sons of any age, fuck their dads?
I nuzzle my face against his neck, the same as I used to when he was little and breathe in his scent. Just like I did back then. Only now it’s not the innocent perfume of a freshly bathed child I can smell, but the scent of man whose skin has been marked by that of another. A man who smells of his own fathers sweat and cum.
And as I gently kiss his ear I let my finger slowly circle one of his nipples. He shivers slightly in my arms as it rises to my touch, a small rounded button crowning his super smooth pec… a nipple, smaller, neater, than the ones I’ve always enjoyed when they crown a magnificent pair of tits but I’ve learned Jaxon’s are just as sensitive… and for a nip man like me that’s important. It’s always been the reaction I get that is so horny… knowing how a gentle suck on it can get a low moan or a savage bite result in a loud squeal… and Jaxon’s are just as sensitive… if not more so.
But what about your nips Tom? How does it feel when your own lad suckles on your tit? Come on man. Be honest. You can hide from anyone, but you can’t hide from yourself…. You like it don’t you? It makes you squirm with pleasure and when he tugs and bites… and suckles like a baby?
Shit I’ve got to admit Jaxon’s fingers and teeth have made me realise just why all those women kicked and yelled, why they would suddenly slam their pussies down hard on my dick every time I made a meal of their breasts… because Jaxon has taught me that my nips are wired directly to my dick, that the lightest brush of his fingers over my shirt can start off a reaction that’s only going to end one way… sex.
So, Tom sounds like you’re finally telling yourself that you’re definitely into gay foreplay, both ways eh?...
Well, I’ve got to admit I always thought guys just either wanked, sucked or fucked each other but now, thanks to my boy I realise there is so much more…. every moan groan gasp or whimper my fingers, lips and tongue can draw out of him turn me on… just as his soft dreamy sounds are doing now because I can feel my unwashed dick slowly starting to unfurl between his cheeks… and I know I want to make love to him…
But there is one thought in the way, something that’s been haunting me ever since we started having a sex, a thought that has been buzzing around even louder in my head since our last fuck… and it was a fuck… whatever we were doing to each other was as far removed from making love as you could get… it was brutal, animal, primal… and it was fucking amazing…. for both of us.
Yet where it came from I don’t know. It was like we’d become two different people… or had we become… and I hardly dare even think about this… but which Jaxon was I fucking? The twenty-five-year-old man I’m holding now or…. my little boy?
And as he kicked and screamed under me, which Jaxon was he? And who was fucking him? This dad, or his daddy from long ago? Didn’t he always call me his ’big bear’ when I used to scoop him up off the floor and throw him over my shoulder? And when he ran his soapy little hands over the thick wet fur of my chest, didn’t he used to laugh when I growled and warned him to be careful because one day the ‘big bear’ might gobble him all up?
Well, hadn’t it been the same ‘big old bear’ who’d pinned him down, pushed his knees up against his chest and drove his dick deep and hard into that exposed pink pucker…?
Any wonder we lost ourselves in the language of the past. But were we just giving ourselves over to a long-buried desire that had suddenly surfaced in both of us and roleplaying what could have been? Or had our love and trust in each other taken us somewhere new? Or…. had it been there all along?
I had so many questions in my mind now. Had our casual nudity, the shared baths and showers been as innocent as we still kidded ourselves? Was my proud secret smile as my 12 yo son popped a boner beside me really just desire in disguise? And was his lack of shyness that day really a signal that he wanted me to see the effect the sight of my wet naked body had on him….?
Now I wondered, and not for the first time, whether even then, Jaxon had been faintly aware of his own gay feelings… thoughts so alien to his understanding that he couldn’t have explained them even if he’d tried… after all at that age I was already imagining fucking a girl although I had no real idea what a pussy looked like…. I just knew I wanted one… so….. why…. if he was gay wouldn’t he have had those feelings then? What if our looks, the touches when we washed each other, the light goodnight kisses we shared were just small steps in a dance to a tune so faint neither of us could hear it?
Or didn’t want to?
But I’d heard one thing for sure. The words we’d used, what we’d called each other as we fucked… ’daddy’… ’baby’… ’little boy’… as we’d slipped further and further and easier and easier into the roles those words defined… and YES, those words had turned me on… big time…. and Jaxon too.
And it was those words that had changed me from a lover into a wild and dangerous animal… the alpha male of the pack showing his cub he was still in charge… words that had turned Jaxon from a man to a man child as he kicked and screamed, lost in the haze of pain, pleasure and submission that every urgent thrust of my cock triggered in his body
Of course there is another more palatable, more comfortable, even more rational explanation. Had Jaxon’s attempts to fuck me made me defend my masculinity by proving who was boss? Had the feel of his helmet brushing and nudging my pucker tapped into my fear that once a guy is fucked he’s no longer a man, but something else?
But what? I ran my hand lightly over Jaxon’s abs, firm abs, masculine abs, the kind of definition most guys would die for, the kind of definition this older body of mine once had.
What am checking for? Signs of femininity because he enjoys his ass being fucked?
My fingers dipped down his firm stomach until they found the soft sparse hairs around his cock. Then lower still until… even soft his cock was no longer the little pink shrimp that had suddenly perked up in the shower that day thirteen years ago. My son, this Jaxon in the here and now was as much a man as his father ever was. And yet…. and yet he liked being fucked.
He moaned softly as my fingers gently coaxed the life back into his dick, pressed his butt against mine as it hardened between his cheeks, the leaking cum acting as natural lube as I moved just enough to let him feel my knob brush over his pucker…. and he groaned again as I held him tighter, reached around under the covers and teased the end of his sticky frill with my thumb…
J Dad?
He murmured. The word seemed to swim up through the receding waters of his sleep as he surfaced slowly from a deep dive into his private dreams.
D Shhhhhhhhh
I said carefully nudging my leaking knob against the slimy heat of his pucker.
And I thought of all the times I’d woken in the night with yet another strange woman in my bed, felt the soft flesh of her ass against my hips and allowed my cock to search blindly for the warm all-embracing heat of her pussy… Just like it was now. Except this wasn’t a woman… it was my own son, and this wasn’t a pussy I was nudging, but Jaxon’s awesome butt-hole…
J Owchhh! I’m…. I’m still….
D Sore?
J Uhuh a bit… that was quite a fuck you gave me there
I chuckled softly and said the best fucks always took two to tango and he laughed, then I added….
D I bet you’d have been just as rough with me
Jaxon laughed
J No way…well maybe…
D So?
I nudged again only this time with a more, persistent pressure on his ring.
J Just go slow then, things are pretty raw down there you know
I whispered I’d go as slow as he needed. And this time I meant it. I wanted to show him I was his lover, not his attacker, that he was the son I loved more than anything in the world and not some scrappy little cub trapped under some raging beast.
J Ok then dad
That was all the encouragement I needed to hook my arm under his knee, pushing it into his chest until his cheeks spread and I knew my boy’s asshole was fully exposed and accessible.
And I kept my word, nudging my cockhead backwards and forwards against his pucker, a little harder each time… checking in after each gentle thrust to see if he was ok.
But as each time his entrance yielded millimetre by millimetre his moans and groans were all the encouragement I needed….
J DAD!
D Awww fuckkkkkkkkkkkk
My knob breached the tightness then just as suddenly I felt Jaxon’s love muscle snap back around my cock, gripping just below the ridge of my helmet.
D Just relax (I whispered,) I don’t want to hurt that sore little butt
J Not like before then
I could hear the tease in his voice.
D I said I was sorry
J Don’t be…it was kind of…
D Kind of? (I asked filling the pause.)
J Well kind of…hot…anyway dad…I’m sorry too
D What for?
J Trying to fuck you
D That’s ok, I sort of understand why you wanted to… and I also understand why I couldn’t let you…
J Couldn’t or can’t?
D Couldn’t, can’t is a very big word in any…. relationship.’
J So….?
Now it was my turn to tease, to shut down the conversation until I knew the answer to that one myself….
D So, you like it rough then? (I laughed.)
J Maybe…but…
D OHHHH fuckkkkkkkkk SON!
I felt him push back taking another inch before beginning to meet his movements halfway, sinking deeper into that incredible silky heat as our hips worked together under the cover of darkness, bit by bit until I had no more inches to give him, my pubes pressed against the warmth of his smooth ass, my fingers gently teasing his nipples making him squirm, my lips seeking his as he half turned his head towards me.
D I love you Jaxon
J And I love you dad, always have, you know that
Suddenly all that other stuff didn’t matter. Whether I’d secretly wanted to fuck his little boy butt or whether that same little boy had wanted his daddy’s dick inside him was no longer important.
What mattered was us… in the here and now… a father and his son making love together as I slowly began to move rhythmically in and out of his hot slippery butt, feeling the natural lube of my earlier load easing the way as each one of my steady thrusts added my own precum to the warm mix inside him as he pushed back milking my dick with an amazing series of ripples.
Jaxon was already wanking himself, already matching each one of my grunts with a moan of his own…
D Here, let me do that for you
I batted his hand away from his rigid oozing dick and replaced it with my own, gripping his shaft just tightly enough to allow my fist to work his foreskin backwards and forwards over his swollen knob in time to my own thrusts… thrusts that were slowly building… stronger and stronger as our moans and grunts grew louder… but these were not the frantic violent thrusts of last time but the steady controlled ones of a father enjoying his son matched by the movements of a son enjoying every inch, reacting to every pulse of his father’s dick as it throbbed deep in his ass…
J Dadddddd….I’m close!
But he didn’t need to tell me. I could feel his man-sized cock starting to throb in my hand, feel the helmet I thought couldn’t have got any more defined swell even larger as I steadily pumped his dick.
And then there was suddenly no more time to enjoy those steady strokes as with a loud cry …
J DDDDDDDDDDdddddddddddddddd I’m gonna bust!
And Jaxon’s cock pulsed big time, ejaculating a huge plume of semen over my fingers, over himself, over the sheets, his butthole spasming wildly around my dick until…
D SONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNrrghhhhhhhhhhh
Those spasms tipped me over the edge and I plunged headlong into an intense pulsing orgasm that filled my boys quivering ass with several big blasts of cum.
For several minutes we lay locked together, long enough to get our breaths back, long enough for the aftershock spasms of his walls to calm down and I went to pull out.
J No! Don’t dad…stay in me please…
D But I…
D Please, just stay in me… I want to fall asleep with your dick still inside me
To be honest I wasn’t sure if I could. I wasn’t a porn star. I was just a normal guy and like all normal guys no matter how big and hard my dick had been, when it was over it was over, my dick shrinking quickly into a lifeless piece of sticky flesh…
But for Jaxon, for my boy… I’d damned well try and if I could stay inside him all night then I would.
