“Ah,” Graham said, suppressing a smile, surprised by the relief he felt at Archie’s answer. “That’s okay, no need to rush it.”
“I’m not in a hurry. Well, trying not to be. Some days are better than others,” he laughed. “How old were you when you got married?”
“Oh gosh,” Graham thought for a second. “I was about your age. Got engaged at twenty-three, married at twenty-four.”
“Dang, rub it in,” Archie said sarcastically.
“Oh yeah, because it worked out so well for me,” Graham retorted.
“How did you guys meet?”
Graham paused for a moment, his mind turning towards memories he hadn’t thought about in quite some time.
“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,” Archie said after a moment’s pause.
“No,” Graham cut in. “It’s fine, it’s just…I haven’t thought about some of that for a while. I’ve been so consumed by the end of things, I haven’t really thought about the beginning.” Beside him, Archie angled himself ever so slightly towards Graham, signaling his undivided attention. Graham found the gesture surprisingly sweet. “We met in college. At church, though.”
“Oh,” Archie raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you were a…church guy.”
“Well,” Graham smirked. “I’m not.” He took a drink. “Not anymore, at least. But back then, yeah I was pretty religious. So was she. I don’t know, we were friends, and then everyone kind of expected us to get together…because I guess that’s what church people just expect when a boy and girl are friends. But, I mean, I expected it, too. So we started dating. Got engaged a year later. Got married six months after that. And, I don’t know, for a while we were just your average, Midwestern, church couple.” He laughed humorlessly. “We tried for a long time to start a family, but that was difficult. Lots of visits to the doctor. Lots of disappointments.” He paused, lips pursed. “Honestly, it was a bit of a miracle when we finally had Eli.”
Archie’s smile at this anecdote threatened to melt Graham’s heart.
“So…what happened?” Archie asked.
Graham’s brow darkened and he took a long drink of his wine. “Yeah, that’s the question I’ve been asking for a while, too.” He was quiet for a second. Archie waited patiently. “It was really when COVID happened. Like everybody, we were scared. Didn’t know what was going on. Tried to keep up with the news and the safety measures and precautions. But our church…I don’t know, they turned into one of those conspiracy-touting, mask-hating, anti-vax nut jobs.”
Beside him, Archie grimaced.
“I think that really surprised us. These people we’d trusted and looked up to for so long were suddenly just…crazy. I mean, I couldn't think of another word to describe it, they just went crazy. For a while, I tried to hang on, to trust the men in charge, but it really upset Julie. Her dad has some health issues and it made her so mad to think we’d be putting him at risk for nothing. Just so our pastors could prove a point.”
“So, yeah, pretty soon we just stopped going. And then, just, everything that happened that year was…a lot. It was really destabilizing. I think we both started to question what we believed. I know Julie had a lot of doubts and a lot of questions and a lot of anger…and I didn’t know what to do. I was trying to be the man of the house, to lead my family like I was supposed to do. But it took me longer to admit I had a lot of the same doubts too. And it sounds kind of silly now, but at the time it was a really terrifying thing to admit. I mean, that had been the bedrock of our relationship – of our entire life together – and now, suddenly, neither of us were sure whether any of it was actually real.”
Graham took another long drink.
“We held on for a while. But I could feel Julie slipping away. I could tell she didn’t know what she was doing in our marriage anymore. To be fair, I didn’t either. These young, hopeful, idealistic Christian kids who’d first got together were pretty long gone. So eventually we talked about it. I asked her what she wanted to do and we just decided…well, you know.”
They were quiet for a long moment. Graham suddenly felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment, worried he’d grossly overshared. He cleared his throat.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to totally kill the vibe,” Graham tried to laugh.
Archie offered a sad smile. “You didn’t. I’m sorry, though, that all sounds…hard.”
“Yeah,” Graham shrugged. “It was.”
He refilled his glass and passed the bottle to Archie.
“Shit,” Graham shook out his arms. “Feels kinda nice to talk about it.”
“Good,” Arche smiled. “And, for the record, it doesn’t sound silly. What you said before.” He took a sip. “My parents are super religious. Catholic. You know Italians…” he flashed a bitter smile. “Anyways, when I finished high school I pretty much said I wasn’t going to church anymore and that…was a whole thing. Did not sit well with Mom and Dad. They were already pissed when my sister married a protestant guy, so I think I was just their final disappointment.”
Graham felt the sting of that rejection in his own stomach. “Shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry.”
Archie shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“Are you still in touch with them?”
“I see them sometimes. It’s pretty strained, though.” He was thoughtful for a minute. “I think I told you I had to quit school for a semester to focus on work. I’d been living at home those first two years but…some stuff happened and they pretty much cut me off. Kicked me out of the house.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah.” Archie took a drink. “Yeah, that was rough. Crashed with some friends for a bit until I could afford my own apartment. Really, uh…really killed my momentum on a lot of stuff, though.”
“Archie,” Graham said, feeling the weight of that name as it left his mouth. “I’m sorry, that is…bullshit. There’s no excuse for that.”
Archie looked at him, and for the first time Graham saw it – the flicker of sadness, of exhaustion hovering just beneath his cheerful, charming exterior. He wasn’t sure if he’d just been too obtuse to notice it before or if Archie was finally choosing to show it, but it set off a fire in Graham’s chest.
He pictured Eli, tried to imagine anything Eli could say or do or decide that would ever make him want to end their relationship. To abandon his own son. He could think of nothing. It was absurd, inexcusable. He wanted to drive over to Archie’s parent’s and kick their door down, yell at them for being such awful people, for neglecting their responsibility to their son..
“You good?” he heard Archie asked.
Graham then realized he was breathing hard, that his face had contorted with anger. “I…don’t know what to say, I’m just angry for you.”
Archie smiled. “Thank you, but you don’t have to be. I’m alright. Really.”
“Still I just…can’t imagine ever abandoning my kid like that. That sucks.”
“I was angry about it for a long time. Several years. But eventually I realized it’s their decision and there’s no point trying to control it.”
“That’s really wise,” Graham observed.
“Told you I'm mature for my age,” Archie smiled, his charm slowly coming back to life.
“You did, you did,” Graham conceded, smiling. The next sentence escaped his lips before he had the chance to register it.” You’re really impressive, Archie.”
Archie rolled his eyes.
“No, I mean it. You’re just…really something.” He could see traces of pink flowing across Archie’s golden cheeks. He took a drink and tried to think of something lighthearted to say. “So, uh, what about your siblings? Are you guys still close?”
“Yeah. I mean, for the most part. My little brother still lives at home, so that kind of makes things weird. I try to see him every so often, but we aren’t as close as we used to be.
“That sucks,” Graham murmured. “And your sister?”
Archie smiled. Graham was relieved. “Oh yeah,” he nodded. “She’s the best. I don’t get to see her too often, though.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“She lives in Boston,” Archie said sadly. “Her husband is from there. They met in grad school in Chicago, and moved back there when they got engaged.”
“Damn,” Graham lamented.
“Yeah.”
“Have you thought about moving out there? To be closer to them?”
Archie’s brow furrowed.
“I’ve thought about it,” he considered. “Moving sounds…stressful. And expensive. I don't know that that's in the cards right now but…it would be nice to get out of here eventually.”
“The only thing worse than being stuck in Iowa is being stuck in Iowa alone, right?”
Graham heard the words leave his mouth before he was conscious of them, before he could place their origin. Archie’s eyes met his and for a long, breathless moment they held each other’s gaze. In that stillness, warmed by the bar’s ambient lighting and the buzz of red wine, something passed between them, intangible yet profound. He realized then that, despite their many differences – the gap in age, in life experience, in careers, even their personality and disposition – they were the same. Maybe Archie had seen it that first evening at the bar. Maybe Archie took one look at him and saw someone a little bit lonely, a little bit stuck, but a little bit scared of what it would take to ever move forward.
“Yeah,” Archie said, his voice soft.
After a minute, he cleared his throat and raised his wine glass. “To good company.”
Graham returned the gesture, feeling a lightness in his chest he hadn't felt in years. “It’s been long overdue.”
As the evening wound down, Graham paid their tab – a ridiculously cheap twenty-eight dollars with tip – and the two strode out to the parking lot. The rest of their time had been far more upbeat and fun, the heavy confessions of their early conversation replaced by laughter and some good-natured jabs. Archie had even complimented Graham on his outfit choice, saying his shirt looked ‘especially youthful’. Graham had laughed so hard in mock offence he almost spilled his wine.
Now, the mood between them was more sober and calm. Graham walked Archie to his car where they stood awkwardly before one another, mimicking their greeting at the start of the night.
“What time do you hit the road Friday?” Archie asked, hands fidgeting in his pockets.
“Oh, I didn’t tell you,” Graham smiled. “I’m actually staying the weekend.”
Archie looked up. “Oh?”
“Yeah, I figured I’d give myself a break and spend at least one weekend in the same spot.”
Archie smiled. “That’s cool. So you’ll be…do you have any plans yet?”
Graham shrugged. “Not really. Figured I might get out and explore, go to the park. Might see a movie. I don’t know yet.”
“You should come see me at my other job,” Archie suggested. “If you want to, that is.”
“Yeah? And get to see these famous, mystery weekend shifts?”
“I mean, I wouldn’t hype them up too much,” Archie blushed.
“I’d like that.”
“Really?” Archie looked excited. “Cool! Yeah, it’s called Harry’s Hideaway. It’s like fifteen minutes south of here. I don’t know if it’s gonna be your type of place, but…it would be fun to see you there.”
“Then I’ll be there,” Graham assured him. “And hey, maybe I should give you my number, that way if I can’t find it or anything…we can get in touch next time.”
“Oh, uh, yeah. For sure.” Archie fumbled for his phone in his pocket and handed it to Graham. He plugged in his number and hit save, then handed the phone back. “I’ll text you, just so you can also reach me too.”
Graham smiled. “Perfect.”
“Well, I should probably go get some sleep,” Graham said to break the silence that had settled over them. “Don’t want to be too tired at the office tomorrow.”
“Yeah, of course,” Archie nodded. “I forget when other people have real jobs.”
Graham laughed.
“This was really…” Graham trailed off, searching for the right adjective. “I really enjoyed tonight.”
“I did, too.” They stared at each other, questions burning behind their eyes. “Will I see you at the hotel tomorrow?”
Graham smiled. “Absolutely.”
“Cool,” Archie nodded with forced nonchalance.
“Well. Goodnight, Archie.”
“‘Night,” he said.
Graham pulled himself away and got in his car. He drove home in silence, wary of anything that might begin to push the memories of tonight from his mind.
Back in his room he silently undressed for bed. He sleep walked through his nightly routine, his body going through the motions while his mind wandered elsewhere, replaying every moment of his night, memorizing every detail.
He was just plugging in his phone when it vibrated on the nightstand. He knew what it would be before he even saw the screen, but the sight still lit him up inside. One new text message, simple and nondescript, yet holding within it all that was good and mysterious and exciting about the world, a myriad of possibilities, surprises, and new beginnings distilled into one simple word: "Archie".
