Robert
Thanks for participating. In your own words, can you give a brief introduction of yourself?
I'm Robert. I'm 44 years old. I live in southern Florida. I identify as gay. I'm single, but dated before. I grew up in a small town in Georgia. I lived in a few places before finally ending up in Florida.
When did you realize you were gay?
I definitely knew I was gay at a very young age. It was a feeling about liking guys. I remember watching tv and realizing that guys seem to attract me more than girls. I never knew about sex and what that meant to be gay sexually, but I just found myself drawn to handsome men.
What was it like to grow up in Georgia as a gay kid?
It was tough. I didn't have too many friends outside of school, so it was very different from most other kids. I had a big family that I saw a lot and we hung out a lot. I had this major crush on my best friend in middle school and I never said/did anything about it. We spent a lot of time in school and I definitely was attracted to him. He was taller than me, blond hair, long. He loved to wear this jeans that I remember never really fit him right. He was very good at sports and we played basketball, baseball, etc. There were times I wondered if he was gay too, but at that age we didn't talk about things like sexuality.
How was your relationship with your family? Did you ever come out to them?
I was close to my mom. She was a good parent and always cared about me. My dad was an alcoholic and would do things like shout, throw things. I made our lives a living hell, because you never knew what would happen. He also cheated on my mom several times, but she never divorced him. I also had a younger brother and we got along. It was mostly my dad that was the problem.
I came out to my parents in my late 20's. It was way after I moved out of the house. I would have never done it when I was younger, because I was scared of what would happen. It was Georgia and you can't expect something like being gay to do down well. My mom was surprised when I told her. My dad was not happy about it, but he didn't yell/scream as much as I thought he would. We weren't close and I guess since I wasn't living at home anymore, what could he do?
How about coming out to your little brother?
Actually, this part was interesting. I had come out to him before I did with my parents. When I told him, he actually told me that he identified as bi. It shocked me, because I had no clue.
Why did it shock you?
I guess it's something you don't talk about. I kept it a secret and he did too. He told me about how he experimented at a young age, with his friends. I asked him a lot of questions and he told me about how he did it with friends at school in the bathroom. He had girlfriends at the same time. I guess I didn't expect him to have done so much at that age. I didn't really engage in sex until a much later age. He's now married with kids. We occasionally talk and visit each other.
What age did you lose your virginity?
I lost my virginity to a guy. I actually never had sex with girls/women. I hated the idea of dating and was terrified. I avoided the conversation about who I liked/thought was hot. I managed to go through high school with no girlfriends. I was a late bloomer. I ended up losing my virginity to a guy who was a random hookup back during the original days of America Online. I met someone through a chatroom and decided to meet up. He was in his 30's, good looking. He was this hairy stud who had a very nice dick. It was the first time I ever sucked a dick and I remembered it was the best thing I had ever done. Also getting my dick sucked was the best thing ever. He let me fuck him and I was totally into it. After that first time, there was no doubt I was gay in my mind.
How about your dating life?
I had boyfriends mainly in my 20's. I went to a community college and got my associates degree. After that, I moved to North Carolina for work and met guys through online. I ended up dating guys that were usually older than me. I liked hairy guys with nice builds, typically gym bods or muscle bears. I had a toned bod but wasn't as hairy. I was basically attracted to my opposite. The first guy I dated was in banking and he was the straight-acting type. We dated for maybe 2 years and it was good. The sex was pretty good as he always liked to bottom and get fucked. He liked me fucking him before bed and we would even do it in the morning the next day. We also went out to bars and clubs and it felt good.
My most recent boyfriend was probably over 3 years ago. I haven't focused much on dating recently. I met him while living in Florida. We had an okay relationship. During the time, we both struggled with drugs and argued a lot. We broke up after having too many fights. But still, I love him and he's doing good nowadays.
How is it being single in your 40's compared to your 20's and 30's?
It's not bad. I'm less hung up on things like trying to be monogamous and exclusive. In the past, that always made things tense as I've cheated and been cheated on. Nowadays, I don't get emotionally hurt by things like that. Jealousy is a hard thing to deal with. I remember that with my last boyfriend we argued all the time. It wasn't good for me and him. Now I just try to be happy being me.
You talked about struggling with drugs and substance abuse. How did you think that issue affects you and the gay community?
Getting help was difficult. I've done stuff before with other guys/boyfriends, but it got out of control with my last boyfriend. It drained my bank account so quickly with our drug habits. We would get high on the weekends and partied/hooked up with other guys. We did a lot of risky things. I got in trouble with work over my poor performance and luckily didn't end up with a criminal record. I got some help through a treatment program and stick to it.
Substance abuse is a tough topic. I don't think people want to acknowledge how common it is. I've seen guys my age who deal with it for decades and don't get the proper help. Also younger guys, I get very worried. I try to work with guys who go to a support group on substance abuse addiction. It's not an overnight thing to get over.
Tell me about what you're looking for in a guy now.
I'm more open-minded nowadays. I still like guys who are on the hairy side, but I'm flexible. I work out 4x a week and I generally prefer guys who take care of themselves. Obviously non-drug-user. Although I hook up sometimes, it's never gotten into dating, which I'm okay with. In general, if I get any guys looking at me at the gym, I'm happy!
And have you had guys look at you at the gym?
Yes! Sometimes it's the wandering eyes. I'm not the type to be all flaunting it and attracting attention. There are lots of hot guys who work out at my gym. We see each other often. I've had a few experiences in the shower/sauna at my gym. Often, it's with guys who go regularly. We sit in the sauna and get hard, show it off. It goes from there. I've had this one guy who I had been crushing on for a long time who finally showed some interest. He showed me his giant cock underneath his towel and I got so horny that I sucked him off right there. We never talk about it outside of the sauna, but almost always end up playing if we have the time.
My favorite time was when we had 4 guys in the sauna and someone else started rubbing his cock. We all got into it and started stroking. The best experience ever. I ended up shooting this huge load all over one of them. I smiled a lot after that day.
You talked about topping in the past. Do you bottom?
I have for past guys, but I prefer to top. Boyfriends, I have bottomed for. I remember when I was using, I did end up getting gang fucked by a lot of guys, but it wasn't exactly what I should have. But when you're high and not coherent, you can end up doing things you wouldn't normally. Nowadays, I'm open to bottoming with the right guy.
What advice would you give to your younger self?
My advice is to not be so tough on yourself and love yourself. I had a lot of experiences that I wouldn't take back, but I also know that I should do more to take care of myself.
