Ask GayDemon: What Comes After Two?

Posted 27 Aug 2017

My partner and I have been together for four years and we've been talking about having a threesome. We've been monogamous until now. How do we find someone to play with?

-Two Thirds Complete

Your first step is to be in a long-term relationship and piss off everyone else who can't find one by telling them you're in one. Other ways to do this are to be seen in public together doing romantic things like holding hands or gazing into each other's eyes. Or, if you both party hard, then romantically stroking his hair while he pukes in the finest of leather bar toilets.

Then  you decide that what you have isn't good enough so you advertise on dating apps, each classifying yourself as that horrible word (grosser than "moist") partnered. And you call out the user id of each other. 

Then you wait for the onslaught of guys who want to get off with two guys at once. And if you're lucky some of them may have an ulterior motive of putting a wrench in your relationship somehow. They will do this by being exciting, slightly aloof, and slightly more attractive than your partner. 

Then the excitement won't be enough for one of you, who will crave even further excitement, such as meeting up with one of the threesome guys on your own. But really that's probably a horrible stereotype about negotiated non-monogamy. 

More likely is one of you will crave a retreat to your sexual rut of coupledom and no longer want to have threesomes, but the penis has been unleashed and the other person will want more but will respectfully not seek it out.

Which will lead to resentment, but still decently hot sex and perhaps an eventual balance of 2.5 threesomes a year. The half threesome is when one of you falls asleep halfway through.

And that will be your victory.

So use dating apps. Because there is zero risk of anything bad happening because meeting a stranger through their avatar is guaranteed to be a success. Alternately, join some gay sports team because they always seem to be full of couples and the odd stray. It's a great place to make people feel bad enough about themselves to decide to sleep with you.

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