A Summer to Remember

I drove my way home with a new found confidence, color on my skin, and food in my belly– free food at that. Thanks Noah.

And upon walking indoors to shower the ocean’s salt off of me, Mom noticed the pep in my step; “Someone had a good day.” She cracked a knowing smile as I slid past the living room and down the hallway. I did have a good day, a great day.

But first I needed to shower.

So I cranked the water to a medium heat, fearful of what scalding hot water might do to my fragile skin and stripped out of my swimming trunks. I admired myself, admired my defined body and salt-watered hair; admired how the green of my eyes popped more so on my reddened face. It’s true what they say, the sun really does cure imperfections.

As I stepped under the warm spray of water above, I thought of the two boys I met today– Theo and Noah.

It’s so unlike me to entertain two guys at once. It’s extremely lucky that it happened at all. But I’d never had a summer fling, never experienced what a short term romance could offer. With being closeted for basically all of high school, I missed out on those experiences. Not now.

And without much thought, that thing between my legs sprang to life. I tried to ignore it as I cleansed myself, tried to hurry in the shower so that Mom didn’t yell at me for wasting water. But I couldn’t help myself– not with so much pent up inside.

I let my mind wander as I gripped myself, let my eyes close as I hunched over and pleasured my length; let myself daydream of those two boys today. If only, I thought. Just imagine if I could be stuck in the middle of them, just imagine if Theo grabbed my hips and pulled me into him, if Noah ran fingers along my back. I bit on my lip as the thoughts progressed.

Imagine if that blonde haired boy slammed his lips into mine, if I could feel the length of him harden between us. Imagine if that tall man sucked on my neck, swirled his tongue along my shoulder and he too hardened against my backside. Two boys– one me. And we’d flip, I’d kiss Noah with estranged passion while Theo bucked his hips into mine. I’d feel every inch of them, crave every inch of them, until soon our shirts came off.

Our bodies would stick like glue, our saliva would mix into some wicked potion of lust. And Noah would stare me down with his hands on my shoulders, pressing me to my knees as I looked up to him– to both of them. Their lengths freed above me, their faces preyed down to me as I held both of them in my hands.

Two boys– one me.

And before I could think any further, before my mind lost all sense of coherence, my knees buckled and my abdomen tensed. And every thought of the two of them was sprayed down the drain, leaving me panting and euphoric.

But alas it was all in my head. So I finished my shower and towel dried my hair and body, glowing in the fogged mirror. I fished aloe vera from underneath my sink, spread it thickly across my shoulders and neck and chest and legs. And finished with a coat of lotion to be sure.

I got changed into something comfortable, joining Mom in the living room to watch her reruns of General Hospital. “He’s still alive?” I questioned right as I sat down, pointing at the decrepit man who’s in every episode. She only scoffed and told me to hush, earning a subtle smile from me as I let the sofa engulf me.

In a way, this show was kind of good. I mean– despite the filler scenes and obvious plot holes, my jaw dropped at least three times with the words coming out of their mouths. Another secret affair? Another murder? Another blackmail? Mom could only snicker at my reactions.

Until eventually the episode ended and she sighed into her knees, “You got some color.” She noted, rocking in the single chair that used to be for Nonna.

I nodded, “I know right.” I showed my arms, scanning them for visible differences; “I forgot how much I liked the beach.”

“No beach in Nashville.” She said with brows raised to which I rolled my eyes. We both knew that, but anytime she could try and convince me to transfer to a closer college, she took it. “Maybe you can take the gremlins there this weekend?” She asked me.

And I laughed at her choice words for them. I loved how we both called my siblings funny names, how we both understood just how restless the two of them are. “Maybe.” I said, “Speaking of, where are they? Do they even live here?” I teased.

She patted her knees and stood, “Were you here every second during your summers?” She nodded her head, making a fair point. “They know to be home by six.” And I smiled as she rounded the room into the kitchen. It’s uncommon in this day and age, to let your kids have so much freedom in a world that’s become scary and unpredictable. But Mom never held us indoors, she never sheltered us from reality.

I sighed into the sofa, letting myself fall even further into its cushions. Damn I forgot how comfortable this sofa is. And before Mom returned, before I could tell her about my day and the plans I secured for tonight– my day in the sun caught up to me, and I fell fast asleep.

And of course, the scent of a home cooked meal woke me up, the scent of whatever Mom was doing in the kitchen. I yawned and stretched, noticing the same throw blanket from yesterday covering my body again. It must be her, and I silently thanked her for being so thoughtful.

There was rumbling down the hall too, one of my siblings must be home. So I got myself up and sauntered into the kitchen, greeting Mom and heading down the hall towards the noise. “Score!” I heard him from his closed bedroom, “Die!” He followed with.

I knocked and heard him say it was open, so I stepped inside and smiled at Christian on his bed; headphones half on his ears and a controller in hand. “Hey bud.” I joined him, flopping into his bed that was way too big for him.

“I’m busy.” He licked his lips, furiously moving his thumbs on his controller.

I rolled my eyes at the angst, at the attitude problem Mom was telling me about yesterday. Not that I could reprimand him, I went through the same thing at his age. When I was twelve, he was still just a baby and I was over every aspect of authority. I’d sit in my room and play games too, typically Minecraft or Call of Duty, and talk to my friends as I was doing so.

But there was such an age gap between us, a gap that never allowed us to be very close as brothers. I was hitting puberty and becoming a teen, while he was entering kindergarten. Before I knew it, I was off to college and poor Christian would be the man of the house at a measly eleven years old.

I shoved him in his arm, “Give me a controller.”

And he eyed me, overtaken by a toothy grin and sat up; “Fine but if you suck we have to play offline.” He grabbed a second controller and handed it to me. I leaned against the wall and focused on his small tv, trying my best to keep up with a game I’d never played.

It was nice to do something together, Christian and I. A part of me thought to take Mom up on her offer and take the kids to the beach this weekend, but that reminded me of my own plans tonight– plans that made my stomach twist in knots.

Eventually I gave up my controller, told him that I couldn’t handle being killed within two seconds of every match and he laughed at me. But it was all in good fun, I was glad to spend a little time with the kid, glad to make some new memories. And as I stood, my stomach rumbled in hunger, just on time for Mom to call us out for dinner.

: : : : : 

I spent time with the three of them until Sabrina and Christian sauntered off to their rooms to be alone, leaving Mom and I in the living room with our tea. It was almost nine, and the butterflies in my stomach were only swarming more and more. “Do you see what I mean about Christian?” She looked at me with tired eyes.

I nodded, “I was the same way Mom.” I defended the kid, though there’s no real rhyme or reason for the way he acts or the way I acted back then. “He’ll grow out of it.”

But she got quiet in her rocking chair, hugging her knees with her cup of tea– such a familiar sight for her. “It’s been hard Cam.” She said out of nowhere, “I miss them.” And I knew she wasn’t talking about the kids.

“I do too.” I assured her.

But she only shook her head, then slowly began to nod. “I know you do.” And she took another pause before speaking again, “Do you ever think about him?” She looked at me, still rocking away as I nodded softly. “I still think about him every day.” Her lips drew thin as I felt a tug at my heart.

“But we got through it…” I leaned into my lap, made sure she heard what I was saying; “Together.”

She nodded too, “I know.” Her eyes drifted to the tv commercials, straightening her back and shaking her head. “I didn’t mean to sour your mood honey. I know you have plans, go get ready.” But I shook my head, moved to the seat next to her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“You’re the strongest woman I know, Mom.” And I smiled, remembering back to the days when this was such a full house. Back when Mom shared her room with Dad, and when Nonna moved in shortly after his passing. “You still have plenty of years left with them.”

But she shook her head violently, “I don’t want them to leave.” I could hear her voice breaking, “You kids are all I have left. It was hard enough when you left.” And of course that stung a bit, and I know she didn’t mean it the way it came off– but I couldn’t help but feel bad.

“I’m sorry.” And she shook her head again, looked at me with those piercing green eyes– my eyes.

“Don’t be sorry sweetie.” And she sniffed, stood and looked down at me; “I couldn’t be prouder of you for chasing your dreams. And I know Dad and Nonna would be too.” And it crashed around me, that overwhelming flood of emotions from hearing their names.

I nodded softly, fighting the emotions that threatened my eyes, staying strong for my loving mother in front of me.

She leaned down and kissed my forehead, leaned up and softly said; “Now go get ready for your plans, okay?” With such a smile that I knew she’d be fine, she just had a moment– a moment that anyone who’s ever felt grief has gone through.

: : : : : 

On a lighter note– a much, much– lighter note.

I was in my car and driving the dark roads of my neighborhood, headed towards downtown when I heard my phone buzzing next to me. And at the next stop sign, I peered down at it– an unknown number that texted me.

Hey, It’s Noah.

And my heart warmed at the message, even if I was crossing town to hit the beach, to hang out with another guy. So I texted him back. Hey, it’s Cameron.

I threw my phone into my passenger seat, turned up the music and tried to let all the feelings subside as I drove through downtown to the tune of Greta Van Fleet. Their songs always put me in a spontaneous mood, something about the instrumentals and new age rock & roll– it did something to me.

Soon I was crossing the bridge onto the island, turning left at the circle and watching for beach signs until I saw one labeled Brighton Beach and lowered the volume in my car. My tires rolled over massive bumps and holes in the sandy parking lot, but from the looks of it there were at least eight other cars here. So I parked, flipped down my mirror and checked my hair.

When I was satisfied, as satisfied as one could be, I took a deep breath and grabbed my phone to exit. But before I did, I noticed the unread message sitting there. Another text from Noah.

How were the tacos? To your standards?

I smiled down at my phone, scrambling to think of a message before running onto the beach– it was already fifteen past ten. They were okay, I think they woulda been better if I got to eat them with you. And I shoved my phone in my pocket and threw my car door open.

Once my car locked and the headlights turned off, the darkness took its toll on my sight. This wasn’t one of the bigger beaches, just a small local beach that got no attention. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever set foot on this beach; I stuck to Nyla Shores and Highland the most.

But I walked through the canopied entrance, braced myself for the onslaught of wind that always attacked the beach at night time. I was sure to wear pants and a hoodie, fearing not just the wind, but those pesky beach bugs too. And as the crashing waves got louder, other noises of voices and hollers pierced my ears in the distance.

The moon was out, shining such a beautiful reflection into the water. But I followed my ears and began to see shadows of flickering flames as I passed the sand dunes, and as predicted I felt the wind whipping through the salted air.

More than seven bodies stood around the fire, some sitting on blankets and some sitting on chairs. I felt the twinge of panic and anxiety, walking up to a group of people I didn’t know. Where did all that confidence go? Where did that new found attitude go?

Must be lost to the wind. My nerves were shaking.

No one seemed to notice me as I walked with my fists balled up in my hoodie pocket, the hood itself protecting me from the wind. But someone finally did, screaming as they saw me approach. And everyone’s attention drew to me as I put my hands in the air.

“I come in peace.” I said loudly enough.

And then I heard him, “That’s Cameron idiot.” Theo shoved the guy that screamed and jogged up to me. “I thought you weren’t gonna show.”

I smiled at him, “Fashionably late is my middle name.” I teased as Theo turned towards the fire and all his friends.

“This is Cameron, everyone.” And he shot me another smile, “And Cameron… this is everyone.” I didn’t expect him to go down the line of people, but a few said hey and what’s up and one even offered me a drink.

I followed behind Theo to a blanket that he fell into, “Nice fire.” I admitted, basking in the warmth of the flames as a friend of his handed me a drink. “Thank you.”

“I heard Theodore met you on the beach.” Another guy in a chair looked up to me, earning a punch in the leg from Theo. I could only giggle with the others, realizing the tease of his name.

I nodded though, “We did.” And I plopped down next to him, sitting criss-cross as I popped the tab of my seltzer can; “Just today actually.”

“Oh we know.” The same guy teased.

I took a large gulp from the can, letting the bubbles of carbonation sting their way down my throat. “So you’re all lifeguards?” I asked, running my eyes around the few people scattered– landing on Theo that only looked at me.

He nodded but someone else spoke, “Most of us.” And I felt such an incredible shift in my stomach, felt the heat of the fire intensify as the beach fell into slow motion. I looked up at the voice, that familiar voice– Jake.

“Jake?” I drew my brows, thrown completely off kilter.

He narrowed his eyes at me, leaned closer as his eyes then widened; “Cam?”

An uneasiness washed over the group, “You two know each other?” Theo pointed a finger between us, his own brows drawn in confusion.

I went to speak but Jake beat me to it, “Since when do you go by Cameron?” Since the name Cam reminded me of you and Spencer and Emily, I thought to add. But I only looked up at him, forcing those petty emotions away.

“Since I decided to.” I answered him to which he raised his brows and shrugged. A part of me wanted to stand up and leave, another part of me wanted to throw him in the fucking fire. But the biggest part of me feared that maybe the other two were here as well.

A different voice spoke up behind me, “Oh, is there beef?” Whoever it was sounded amused at the thought of some drama. But luckily Jake shook his head, a wicked grin plastering his face as he bent down to me– his face glowing by the fire.

He extended his hand, “Just an old friend.” And I could still see the chip in his tooth as I shook his hefty hand, as I eased my tightened lips and let them fake a smile.

“It’s been a long time.” I added, noting Mom’s words from yesterday where she told me a year wasn’t a long time. But it felt like it. “You’re a lifeguard now?” I tilted my head as our hands disconnected.

He nodded, smiling with his smug face– like he won a game I wasn’t aware we were playing.

And he went to say something else before a brunette jumped on his back, wrapping her legs around his hips and giggling in his ear. For a second I forgot why I was here, solely focused on the kid that ruined me.

But a hand fell to my leg, and I shifted my gaze to Theo’s warm smile; “Thanks for coming.” And he squeezed lightly, withdrawing his hand and taking a drink.

I shook my head, along with those forgotten memories and smiled too; “Of course.” I dismissed everyone else around this fire, focusing only on him and his blonde curls and wide smile. “I haven’t been to a beach bonfire in years.” I admitted.

And we fell into some pretty typical conversation. We asked each other simple questions, where we grew up, what neighborhoods, what high schools. He asked me about college, telling me that he wished he went himself. But I lied when I said it wasn’t all it's chalked up to be, I just didn’t want to feed into his lost wishes.

Before long, two others joined into our conversation about snowbirds and their swarming– Mateo and Kristin were their names, a couple I imagined. And I ended up laughing through two cans of seltzer, feeling the buzz and comfortability of the fire. The thought of Jake still entered my mind here and there, still sparked within me when I’d hear his voice across the flames.

Yet a smile didn’t leave my face as I cracked another can, as Theo’s knees brushed against mine and stayed there. Although we were clothed and warm, an increasing heat shot through his touch.

“Fuck yeah!” Someone yelled, someone who was cheering on a curly haired girl who was stripping down to her bikini.

I watched intently, watched as another girl cheered her on too; “Get it Charise!” And she started her sprint to the ocean, fading into the darkness as we heard her yelp from the freezing water.

Two other guys weren’t far behind, ripping off their shirts as they ran after her. And soon half of the people around me were doing the same, preparing for a plunge into darkness. I felt my nerves ramp as I met Theo’s eyes, a wide smile on his lips. “Come on.” He stood, kicking off his sandals and freeing himself of his shirt.

“I don’t know about that.” I peered out to the moon lit water, dancing shadows of drunk lifeguards in the distance. But he grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet as I stumbled into him– chuckling at myself for being a bit tipsy.

And my eyes fell upon his body, and the shadows cut out by the flames of the fire. “Come on.” He whispered again, tugging at my hoodie– playfully insisting that I tear it off.

I looked past him again, out at the screaming bodies that laughed and shrieked in that freezing water. “Okay fine.” I smiled at him, letting him help with pulling the hoodie over my head, letting his eyes land on my body too. I pulled down my pants the same time as him, stripping to our boxers before stepping out of them.

He grabbed my hand in a jog, pulling me to the crashing waves, kicking sand in our wake until the ground beneath us ran cold and wet. And then freezing as water splashed onto us, as my own shrieks were heard in the air. We kept running, kept pushing through the frigid water– until he turned to me and grabbed my hips and guided our way into submersion.

I lifted to my feet, every inch of my skin with raised bumps as I screamed out in shivers. He whipped his hair around, droplets of water scattering me. “It’s summer baby!” Someone yelled, their hands held out to the sky.

It sure is.

And he grabbed both of my wrists now, pulled me close to his equally cold body. “Was that so bad?” He teased with the tilt of his head, leaning his nose so close to mine.

A smile curved my lips, “No.” And his smile grew too as a wave crashed into our waists, giggling at the scene set before us. He let go of me, threw his hands in the air and fell backwards– not a care in the world as he crashed into the water.

I too stopped caring, I too wanted a piece of that insanity– a piece of that blissful ignorance.

So I threw my hands in the air as well, and jumped into the water, letting the next wave crash over me; letting my body tumble in the darkness. And when I resurfaced, he was there, such a giant smile on his lips. I dared to sink my own into his, but he was less hesitant– he was quicker.

And he placed his lips onto mine, a hungry, warming kiss as his hands snaked around my waist; as another wave crashed around us. It was only a moment, less than a few seconds but it left me breathless, left me blissfully unaware of anyone else around us.

His hands branded my skin, so hot to the touch. His deep blue eyes pierced through mine as he leaned in again, just pecking my soft lips before leaning back and taking my hand. And he guided us out of that freezing cold water.

We washed ashore like shells on the sand, dripping wet and hand in hand. “Holy shit.” I whispered as the wind blew a gust against my bare body, but he only wrapped his arm around me as we jogged to the fire.

“Here.” He picked a towel out of a bag and threw it over my head, shaking it around my hair as my body shivered in place– arms crossed to contain the heat. And when he pulled the towel off me, he too shook it across his hair. “Now that’s what I call an ice bath.” He chuckled.

But he wrapped the towel around my shoulders, pulled it taut towards the front and had us sit back on his blanket as more and more people emerged from the darkness.

His hair still laid flat to his head, soaking wet as he watched me shiver. “Does this feel better?” He asked as his dried hands drifted up my thighs, as he used friction to try and warm them.

I nodded, knowing that if it weren’t for the freezing cold water; I’d most certainly be rocking a hard-on right now. He let them linger there, let them warm my being as we stared into each other’s eyes. And all was well, all was great– until a flash of light caught our eyes.

“Hey!” A loud voice boomed from down the beach, a bright beam of light streaming from his hand.

My eyes went wide in panic, “Shit, that’s the police.” Theo scrambled to grab his things, and all pandemonium broke loose amongst the fire.

Everyone was scurrying, everyone was either screaming or running or trying their best to collect their things in the sand. I grabbed my phone next to me, clutched it tight as I stood and followed behind Theo who urged me to run. But he was fast, really fucking fast.

And soon a beam of light shined in the direction we were running, forcing us to either hide in the freezing ocean or trudge our way through the grassy sand dunes. I followed Theo’s lead into the dunes, and tried my best to run up the fast moving sand. He grabbed my hand and pulled me, knocking us over into crunching grass and dead seaweed.

I rolled over top of him, gained my footing before we darted through the swarm of bugs and tall grass and whatever else that pierced our feet. “Fuck!” I yelped as a sharp pain ran up my leg, only helped by the guiding hand of Theo who dragged me through.

We were met with a fence, “Jump it.” He said quickly and knelt down to let me climb over his back. When I hit the sidewalk on the other side, I turned to help him too but he was already straddling the fence– dropping to my side and urging me to keep going.

The beam of light shined through the tall grass to the street that we crossed, running along the sidewalk until we could find somewhere to hide. My breathing was ragged, my nerves were on fire as our hands disconnected to run faster; to sprint down the unlit street.

But we halted in our tracks as a siren wailed around the corner, its high-beams coming straight for us.

“That way.” He pointed in a direction to the right, a small path between two palm trees. And I didn’t think twice before running, before entering the darkness and not caring what the hell I stepped on. I only stopped when the path ended to a clearing on the intercoastal, a small beach that stunk of fish and seaweed.

I looked behind me, “Where n–” But he was gone.

My stomach plummeted as I prayed for him to be stumbling in right behind me, but there was no noise; not one sound. “Theo.” I whisper screamed down the path, hoping maybe he’d appear and tell me what to do. Nothing.

Where did he go? What did he do? I refused to believe that he would sacrifice himself for the sake of me, refused to believe that the cops caught him.

I fumbled with my phone, sand stuck in every crevice as I opened it to call him. But I don’t have his number, I never got his number. “Fuck.” I muttered, turning to the right and hiding by the water under the shade of a palm tree. I heard the skid of tires in the distance, shuddering at the sound of police sirens wailing.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” I looked at my screen, slid the brightness as far down as it would go. I needed a plan, I needed to know if Theo was okay.

And Jake popped in my head. Jake– that fucking moron is the key.

I ran to my contacts and typed in his name, thankful that I wasn’t spiteful enough to block or delete him. I pressed the call button and watched as the picture I saved of us from years ago filled my screen, and pressed my phone to my ear. “Pick up.” I muttered after the first ring, “Come on, pick up, pick up.” I held my head in my hand as the line went to voicemail.

I heard another set of sirens wail nearby, and I cautiously ducked even though at this point I figured I was safe. I was about to call him again before I noticed the corner of my phone, and just how much battery I had left. I huffed into my hands, “God damn it.” I kicked at the sand.

My breathing was out of control, more so as I remembered how I looked, how I had on nothing but soaked boxers. And my stomach dropped again as I remembered that I drove here, and I had no fucking clue where my keys were– probably somewhere left in the sand.

How the fuck did I get myself in this situation? How the fuck could I forget my fucking keys? Are you fucking kidding me?

Breathe Cameron, I repeated to myself. Just fucking breathe.

I looked back at my phone, just three percent left on its battery. I could call Jake again, pray that he answers the phone and ask if Theo’s okay. I could call my mom and apologize profusely for being an idiot. Or…

I opened the text thread with that unknown number, Noah’s number.

10.16 pm. Wish I coulda stayed.

10.16 pm. How’s your night?

11.07 pm. Goodnight lol maybe talk tomorrow?

I looked at the time, only twenty minutes since he last texted me. So I took the gamble and called his number, praying that I wasn’t making a giant mistake.

“Hello?” He answered, almost amused by the random call.

I let out a sigh, “Hi– Hi. Uhm–” Oh God I hadn’t even thought of what I was supposed to ask of him, what this phone call would be for. “I need your help.”

He chuckled, “Are you okay?” That amused tone was switched with concern.

“Not really, uhm… Listen I got myself into some trouble and I’m on the island and I need a ride.” I sputtered it all out, shaking my head as I finished my sentence. I wouldn’t blame him if he ended the call and blocked me for it.

A pause, “Really?” he asked.

“Yes, really.” I held my breath, cursing myself for relying on a total fucking stranger to help me.

I heard a grunt from his end of the line, “Okay. Okay, yeah.” And a feeling of relief washed over me. “Where are you?”

“Brighton Beach…” I started, “Well actually, like across the street from there.” And I heard him chuckle.

He took a long breath on the phone, “I can be there in thirty minutes.”

Thank the heavens for him.

Lord knows I needed it.

---

TC- All I got to say is… I am loving writing this, the words are just coming so naturally to me. I hope you’re digging it too. Comments are much appreciated!